For Them / Autostraddle
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Grease Bats: Homophobic Inheritance

Archie —
Oct 20, 2018
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Welcome to Saturday Morning Cartoons, a segment where four artists take turns delighting you with their whimsy, facts and punchlines on Saturday mornings! Grease Bats, today’s comic, is created by Archie!

If you like their work, check out their store!  Also check out Archie’s new book, A Quick And Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns!

Gwen: Ari! What's that letter? Ari: My.. my grandma died... Gwen: OMG Ari! I am so sorry! Ari: It's okay Gwen. She was absolutely fucking terrible! Gwen: OH. Ari: But she also left me a bunch of money... Gwen: Is this one of those "everything contains multitudes" moments?

Ari: I hate this! I hate it! Scout: Ari! What's happening? Gwen: Ari's grandma died. Scout: Oh no! I'm so sorry Ari! Ari: Don't be sorry!! Everyone stop being sorry!! I'm angry! Scout: Of course you're angry! It's normal to be upset! Nothing feels FAIR in death! Ari: She was a transphobic and sexist asshole. So it feels pretty fair to me. Scout: Coolcoolcool... however you feel is valid, even if it's scary. Ari: My grandmother never used my correct pronouns, only called me by my birth name and said transphobic stuff to my face CONSTANTLY. She as rude, mean and abusive. And I'm not sorry she's dead. I was always an embarrassment to her. The money she left me after her death feels like her last attempt to throw money at a problem - the problem being ME. Gwen: That is so crummy, Ari. Scout: Whatever you need, just let us know. Ari: DESTROY THE MONEY! Gwen: YES! Scout: WHAT? WAIT!

Ari: I don't want money from someone who never once respected me! Gwen: Of course not! Scout: I hear you Ari, but you're broke! Ari: Very broke. Scout: I know this sucks, but wouldn't it be nice to be NOT BROKE for a bit? Ari: Oh my god. This is my worst nightmare. I have to choose between my principles and the reality of capitalism!

Gwen: Do you think she meant it as an apology? Ari: She addressed the letter "to my only grandson..." You'd think after someone dies, you wouldn't have to deal with their bullshit anymore... yet her hatred perseveres... Scout: What if you spent the money on the GAYEST stuff you can think of? Ari: Oh sure... you mean like rent, groceries, and that very overdue internet bill... Gwen: Sometimes thriving off a homophobe's money is the best we can do! Ari: Thanks for the emotional trauma and rent, dead grandma.

Archie profile image

Archie

I’m a cartoonist living in Minneapolis. Co-Author and artist of A Quick And Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns. Author of Grease Bats, coming out Fall 2019 with Boom! Studios! If I’m not working I’m socializing. If I’m not out with friends I’m drawing. If I’m not doing any of those things I’m probably depressed. Support me using Patreon.

Archie has written 117 articles for us.

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