Time for a brand new season of Glee: The 1-D Television Show! What will happen this year to our hapless heroes and heroines? Will we dive into Brittana’s dykey depths, investigate Quinn’s complicated psychological baggage or sexify the sanguine sniper sleeping in Rachel Berry’s soul? Will we meet Rachel Berry’s parents?!!
Nah. Why waste all those trees when we can just recycle the same plot we’ve already done 44 times!!
You know the one: Glee needs more members because this/that person was eaten by a shark. Mean kids kick Glee kids in the face, someone gets kicked out of Glee, someone quits Glee and Sue Sylvester tries to destroy Will for let’s be real, really vague reasons we only accept at face value ’cause we like Jane Lynch’s face.
How about THAT? YES? YES! WE GOT THE BEAT, GAYWADS, WELCOME TO SEASON THREE OF THE GOOD SHIP GLEE!!!
So, we open nostril-to-nostril with Jacob Ben-Israel’s Chia-Topped Melon Head, here to interview the Glee folks about their perilous futures, a.k.a recap everything AfterEllen wrote about Glee this past summer.
So, Finn, Mike Chang, Kurt, Rachel and Santana are seniors. Artie and Tina are juniors.
Brittany? Brittany is timeless.
Mercedes and Sam’s summer lovin’ is history, as is his Trouty Mouth and the body that came with it. Now she’s dating a football player who could probably bench-press Chord Overstreet. Because this show is so Diverse and Ground-Breaking, the future plan for these two is to become a famous singer and a famous athlete, respectively, and then make “cocoa babies.” At first I thought they meant legit babies made out of cocoa, which would be sweet (!) and then I realized they meant cocoa the color and then I didn’t know what to think about anything anymore.
Santana, looking boss as ever in her shiny ponytail and throwback Cheerios get-up, tells Jacob Ben-Phen that she’s aiming to be the best “ho” on the Cheerios and emulate her #1 Latina Idol, Paula Abdul.
It’ll be a spinoff called Hey Santana.
Kurt’s doing an imitation of me on the 2009 hit show “Alexi’s Closet Goes to the NewNowNext Awards” (skip to 9:50, she saved the best for last) as he and Rachel explicitly explain their mutual future in New York City. Due to the shininess of their stars at McKinley, they’d like to be one of the 12 boys and 12 girls who get into Julliard each year.
By the way this is so, you know… THIS:
When spotlight-jostling to share their BIG plans, Kurt name-drops New York Gay Marriage:
The lemurs running circles in Finn’s brain come up empty, so Finn admits in a voiceover that he’s not sure what he’s doing, and I admit in a voice heard over the program that I don’t give a fuck.
Wanna know where Rachel keeps all her plans and secrets? Okay, I’ll tell you:
Put down your oatmeal, ’cause shit is about to get raunchy:
JK, I don’t have time to recap the adult parts AND the heterosexual parts AND the gay parts. On to the clothed children!
Glee Club meets up to stare at their trophies and discuss how Finn and Rachel ruined their chances at Winning Nationals by playing tonsil hockey onstage.
Glee’s first meet-up engenders additional exposition: Zieses, because let’s be real she is too fierce for Glee, has hit the road leaving her mohawked manchild behind to cover all the solos she never sang.
Puck: “She’s the one that got away. Really, really slowly.”
Jesus Christ. Anyhow, Quinn’s also gone missing because Finchel is insufferable and everybody knows it, except Artie who randomly says he misses her — is it just me or does Kevin McHale saying his lines like he’s amused by how random and stupid his lines are this episode?
The turnover rate at Glee is worse than a meatpacking factory — they’ve yet to recruit and maintain a single new member since Season One.
Rather than develop character or plots about personal relationships, Glee dives right back into the “how do we get more kids to join Glee?” plot” I HAVE AN IDEA!
Will’s got a better idea: let’s put refurbished purple pianos all around the school and, just when everyone least expects it, start randomly signing in the hallway. Yup. Or we could save some time and have Santana wax the pianos with Big Gulp while wearing an Autostraddle This t-shirt and men’s underpants.
Will: “These pianos were repossessed from foreclosed homes. They’re just like us — used, in need of repairs –”
Tina: “But still capable of making beautiful music!”
After a summer away from saltwater taffy schemes and Holly Holiday, the kids are sort of mega-cute about being into Mr.Shoe’s dumbshit idea, which he absolutely came up with while on novocain.
Kurt & Rachel are A-dork-a-ble this week with their plaid and their big big Broadway dreams. I don’t know when they stopped being bitter diva-enemies and became best friends, but I like it.
Emma lets Kurt & Rachel in on the secret that Julliard, known for its geniusy genius geniuses, King Lears, severely-haired wire-thin ballerinas and alarmingly studious flautists, has no room for the noisome calamity that is Musical Theater People. Emma suggests Kent State, home of the Kent State Massacre, when our government shot student protesters for being against Vietnam! Weird, right?
Also, this:
Ultimately, instead of suggesting NYU or the nearby U of M or CCM, Emma tells them about some kind of “mixer” going down for prospective students at the New York Master Institute Supreme Academy of Drama and Theater Arts Classworld or something.
Sue is getting into some crazy ass shit:
So Kurt and Blaine are being ultra-cute at The Lima Bean, probably after sharing an ice cream sundae at The Cracker Barrel, but Kurt’s being weird and quiet. Blaine, because he’s perceptive/perfect, inquires:
Blaine: “You’re awfully quiet.”
Kurt: “No, I’m being passive-aggressive.”
Kurt can’t help but notice what Blaine is wearing. Why’s Blaine wearing that blazer when he could have slapped a yard of Roseanne Connor’s flannel nightie in the middle of a white suit shirt and called it an outfit, like Kurt did?
Because Blaine still goes to Warblerville High for Wayward Boys! That’s why!
Kurt: “One final sales pitch and then we can talk about making over Nancy Grace.”
Blaine teases that Kurt’s gunning for a transfer ’cause he’s scared of Blaine beating him, and Kurt is like no no no it’s because I’m sixteen and still idealistic about love and relationships to the extent that I am orchestrating excessive together time without any fear of what that will do for our actual tolerance of one another as people. It’s this adorable little showchoir gayboy banter that’s everything you ever wanted it to be and more.
Just wait ’til Blaine sees the purple pianos, then he’ll def transfer.
Quinn’s always secretly been a badass. She was a total cunt to everyone for most of Season One, got knocked up sophomore year of high school by a 25-year-old named after a wood nymph passing as a high school junior/senior and now — now. Now!
WHO’S AT THE DOOR?
It’s NEW QUINN! Quinn’s pulled an Ash-in-Degrassi and dealt with heartache by going timeless 90s gothpunk, and good lord does she deserve it.
At first I thought this was definitely Strawberry Shortcake inspired, with a side of Molly Ringwald’s punky friend in Pretty in Pink.
Natalie Portman in Closer is too dark, Leisha Hailey in All Over Me is too obvs, that manic pixie dreamgirl from Scott Pilgrim is too shiny…
Then, like a bomb blowing up your station wagon, the answer occurred to me: this is one part Samantha Mathis’s character in Pump up the Volume, one part Gwen Stefani, two parts Smoky Quinn Voice. That’s what this is.
Quinn: “I’m not sure what the tipping point was — dying my hair, the nose rings, my ironic tattoo of Ryan Seacrest — but one thing I know, I’m never going back.”
These are Quinn’s new friends. They can suck the chrome off a cadillac, wear chains unironically, and totally shoplifted that lipgloss.
It makes sense, though, perfect sense — Finn broke her heart, almost, but she never really loved Finn for Finn anyhow, she loved what he represented. She loved the promise of status and a certain lifestyle and when she lost her lifeline to that side of the tracks, the only thing a person can do at that point is convince oneself that you never wanted that at all. In fact, you want the opposite of that — the opposite of nice, and safe, and clean and Finn. You want to smoke cigarettes underneath the fucking bleachers and when Rachel Berry shows up to beg you back to Glee, you do not consent.
Santana rallies her empathy and puts on her nice-girl pants to beg Quinn to return to Cheerios —
— but ultimately to no avail.
Rachel Berry flops with her enormously earnest and possibly genuine (but c’mon, there’s smugness underneath, it’s Rachel Fucking Berry) plea for Quinn to return to Glee.
Can’t these motherfuckers see that Quinn is busy. She has drugs to do.
Honestly I think Quinn is full-force HOT with that hair and those piercings and that drapey dark shirt thing with no bra and chains on her wrist. It’s all the power and beauty of popularity smashed into the glory and horror of rebellion — who does she think she is, Angelina Jolie in the 90’s? Yes. Quite Possibly YES. (I mean, no, nobody is, but you know what I mean) I like her now. I’ve crossed over. For today.
Oh right there’s this whole tedious Sue Sylvester is running for Senate or something storyline happening. She’s doing shit like this…
… and although Sue’s lines are all brilliant, I’m only recapping the kiddos ’cause I have a family to take care of.
But I think it’s time we introduce the Santana Moment — in the spirit of The L Word recap’s “Jenny Moments” — and this ep it comes during the meeting when Sue tells Becky and Santana they’re gonna be Cheerios co-captains.
Santana Moment: “Let me tell you how this is gonna be, if I may. When I look at a person I don’t see someone who looks a certain way or has this or that amount of chromosomes. I just see someone I may or may not have to destroy. So if you ever tell me what to do, I will end you.”
Sue can’t let this Glee thing go, though, and needs Santana to fuck some shit up.
Sue: “You like playing for both sides, don’tcha? Which side are you playing for this year — losers or winners?”
Santana: “Team Sue.”
Because tracksuits are way hotter than sweater-vests (until Blaine wears one later, you’ll see).
The Gleeksters are trying to eat their tater-tots in peace but Rachel’s having a Polly Wants a Party Moment. Against all evidence to the contrary, she thinks an idea had by Mr. Shu involving singing/dancing in public is a really great idea that’ll bring them heaps of new members.
Finn, because he’s succumbed to the lesbian urge to merge: “Rachel’s right, how’s anybody supposed to believe we should go to nationals if we can’t even believe in ourselves?”
Thus “We’ve Got the Beat” touches down in the McKinley High cafeteria. And to be honest? It’s kinda awesome.
Brittany and Santana are dancing like Gidget Goes to a Strip Club, Rachel’s doing that “I’M AT A BEATLES CONCERT!” face and dancing like she just learned how to put a tampon in, Mike’s slapping his own ass, Puck’s doing push-ups on the table and Artie is, you know, wheeling around. All things said, it’s kinda fucking awesome/weird. And then what do you know, Brittany is dancing on the table and if you don’t love this even a little bit then you are probably way cooler than I am.
Those extras are a tough sell, though, and Jacob BenIHateYourFace starts a food fight, because the four adult employees of this school are in the teacher’s lounge talking about E Coli and clearly nobody appreciates this:
These kids are addicted to Boyardee.
Back in Glee Club, the kids, looking like escapees from The Olive Garden Neverending Pasta Bowl, once again beg their leader to stop humiliating them in front of the entire school.
Thank Jesus these two are back again into their old ways and Brittany hasn’t touched Artie yet all episode.
This random boring-looking chick in red capris, wedges and alfredo sauce, enters, says something awesome…
Sugar Motta: “Here’s the deal, I’m awesome, and I wanna be a big big star, and when I saw you guys singing and dancing in the cafeteria I thought, I am so much better than them!”
… and then said she has self-diagnosed Aspergers and can say whatever she wants.
She belts “Big Spender” which just-so-happens to be the song I sing when demonstrating how I can’t sing.
Her Dad was the one who donated the pianos to the school. We know this because Kurt tells Mercedes “her Dad donated those pianos to the school.”
Rachel, because she is A Star, knees Mr.Shu in the back to shut him up and tell Sugar “we’ll be in touch.” She asks for them to text her schedh.
Rachel and Kurt, after their trip to New York, are hopelessly cooler and more sophisticated than the rest of the club and also, clearly, the two biggest dorks in the entire school by far, which is why, if you’ve ever in your life been ridiculous, you can’t help but kinda relate to them every now and then. Whatever your stupid dorky hobby/passion was, you know?
Cheerios Auditions — not, unfortch, the Bring It On parody I’d anticipated.
Mr. Shoe, ’cause he’s a pussy and he knows it and he’s gotta stop showing it, ducks in to glitterbomb Sue while Emma films on her flipcam. It’s cute, almost. Sue Sylvester can do no wrong.
Look who’s here!
Blaine, because he’s cheesy and attentive like that, visits McKinley but Kurt doesn’t think anything of it because definitions of “class” and “school” and “space” and “time” are just all out of whack in this place, where would you even begin deciding who ought to be where, when .
Kurt: “Wait what are you doing here, shouldn’t you be at Warbler practice putting the fine-tuned touches on a Katy Perry number?”
That’s a nod to you, Internet.
About a second later, Kurt gets it and pretty much dies of happiness. I think Blaine has softened him — Kurt was verging on the edge of bitchy for parts of last season and now we’re back on funny-bitchy-track.
So Blaine immediately trots into the Outside Set and launches into “It’s So Unusual” which may or may not be a throwback to Carlton in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (which in and of itself was a throwback, so), but whatever, it is.
It’s a fun number — flocks of cheerleaders in short skirts with significant quadriceps and Blaine leaping around like young Richard Simmons in a Gap Khakis commercial.
The kids scowl like it’s unusual for the Homo Club to turn lunch into Main Street Disney every Tuesday and they haven’t already acclimated to this kind of brouhaha.
After Blaine and Santana’s cute Dance of the Lesbian and the Gay, Quinn Queen of Darkness tosses her cigarette onto the piano which lights on fire. That’ll probably inspire lots of people to join Glee Club. “It’s just like on MTV!”
Back at the Manhattan Academy of Advanced Theatrical Institute Mixer-Thing (no really, what’s this thing they’re at?), taking place at The Ramada but without tiny melon balls, Kurt & Rachel walk in on a group who’s been chilling at the Ramada listening to Carousel since they were fetus baby stars.
They’ve got this FANTASTIC NUMBER they’ve been working on since their outfits were last in style (1933 or 1992, depending on who we’re dealing with) and Kurtchel have just got to see the fuck out of this number.
Dandy: “As my future husband, Robert Pattinson always says, it’s refreshing to get new blood.”
Glee Project Girl, in full Fleet Week regalia and flocked by fey dandys with expressive eyeballs, unloads a cavalcade of Showtune Showmance Showmanticstravaganza upon the unsuspecting judgey bitches.
The look is “Gymboree for Adults Goes to Paris with a Newsie.” It’s all the rage at Tisch.
Following this number, Kurt and Rachel realize that they’re only everything because everything else is nothing — or maybe that’s not true, but they’ve got no way of knowing what’s true just yet. They’re stuck in a crappy Ohio public school (despite, apparently, Rachel living in a mansion) without musicals or continuity or graduation.
Rachel: “We just have to move to another town and just erase our identities and resign to a sad life of community theater, Nunsense, Love Letters, The Vagina Monologues — face it this is our future. Not everyone’s dreams come true.”
Not everybody is Lea Michele and Chris Colfer, in other words.
At some point a crew guy woke up, realized two actors were crying in a car, and flipped on The Rain Machine, because on this show when someone is crying in a car, the whole sky cries with them. They pump each other up and hug pinkies.
This is actually a really special and touching scene because it conjures up all kinds of complicated emotional quagmires for these two that maybe they’ve never had anyone to talk to about before. I’m interested to see how/if this develops.
Blaine, in his totally sweet vest-and-gingham ensemble, gets up there like he’s speaking to a group of people not formerly described as “used” and “in need of repair.”
Blaine: “Thanks so much everyone. I’m so thrilled to be here. It’s gonna be a great year, I can feel it. We’re all gonna go to nationals!”
!!
Finn throws out some butthurt lesbian nonsense about Blaine lighting their piano on fire, and Santana chimes in that it was an act of political protest.
Mr Shoehorn: “Santana, you need to leave, it was you and the Cheerios who set fire to our piano. How could you do that?”
Santana: “Mr Shue, Sue made me!”
Mr Shoehorn: “Brittany didn’t do it.”
Brittany: “Well yeah I was gonna help but I don’t know, I’m a water sign, so…”
I’m excited for next week, when Santana will be back in Glee Club.
Okay, we’re almost at the end! Kurt & Rachel wanna do a musical but not a controversial or expensive one.
Oh fantastic, another diva-off. I hope Kurt also wants to be Maria so we can have a Moment about Gender Roles. Also Finn can’t be a Jet or a Shark, it’s just embarrassing.
I just want to point out, if you’re not already aware, that if you haven’t seen Alex Vega dance to “We Can’t Stop the Beat” with imaginary drumsticks in a giant apartment then your life has not been as blessed as mine has.
Everyone’s wearing purple because it’s gay, just like the pianos and purple skittles.
Quinn just had an abortion in the alley, injected heroin into her neck and got her septum pierced in the dressing room and is watching them and thinking holy shit, what a bunch of dorks.
Honestly I think this took me so long to write because the episode itself was just so MEH. I didn’t think about it much afterwards and found little to say about it as I wrote this. Nothing of interest really happened besides Quinn’s makeover, and the few things that did happen we know will only be temporary, anyhow, ’cause that’s how the show is. But at the same time these characters are really cute and it’s like each actor is a one-man show, which helps. Also, there’s singing and dancing, and in between the singing/dancing is a thing they call “story” except it’s the same story every time. I guess basically it’s like porn, but with singing and dancing instead of sex.
Next Week on Glee:
Comments
A truly meh episode but at least it introduced some plot points for the season which is more than most eps of glee do. The music was also pretty fun.
Blaine and Kurt were cute and Brittany was the right amount of endearingly stupid but not seemingly brain damaged. Also copious Heather Morris ass-shaking is always a good thing.
I normally love Santana and I get that her thing is “keeping it real” but the line about extra chromosomes made me seriously uncomfortable.
Santana’s line made me quite uncomfortable as well.
At least she was saying it to Becky, so there was some relevance? I mean, it would be way worse if she was saying it to someone without Downs Syndrome…
I took the line about “this or that amount of chromosomes” as Santana saying she wouldn’t discriminate against Becky because of her Downs Syndrome; she still sees her as a rival, i.e. someone she “may or may not have to destroy.” She said it after Sue told her & Becky they were co-captains, and they were arguing. (Becky called Santana “Sandbags” which I thought was hilarious.) I like their rivalry, it has a lot of potential for comedy.
Yeah, I actually liked that line. Too frequently kids with Downs Syndrome get called retarded, and expected to not contribute to society. Becky’s storyline might be the most revolutionary of all the storylines, in my view.
whatever that preview for next week is…I WANT TO SEE IT.
I felt like the basically threw away last season and went back an entire year and are just repeating it with different musical numbers. Which is rather lame.
However, the wicked witch thing was cute. And Quinn was completely adorable, and I hope she gets to keep this new look / attitude.
I’m pretty sure Quinn said she had an ironic tattoo of Ryan Seacrest not erotic. Which makes much more sense because ‘erotic Ryan Seacrest’ does not compute.
I think the irony was that she called it erotic.
I got an erotic tattoo of the word irony.
suck it Seacrest.
i obsessivly watch all tv shows and movies with subtitles on (despite having excellent hearing)
she said ironic, not erotic.
I totally thought it was an “erotic tattoo of Ryan Seacrest” at first, but I watched the episode again and I’m pretty sure it’s an “ironic” tattoo.
Also, I just want to wear everything Blaine wears.
Mr. Shoehorn(!)kicks Santana out but Rachael just had to apologize for sending Sunshine to a crack house? Honestly, I think that Glee writers just come up with a plot point and figure the audience will go along, no matter how poorly they get to it. I love this show, I really do, but sometimes it makes me want to drink heavily.
Overall, meh. I liked the Go-Gos number and the Tom Jones one. These both had dancing Cheerios in them. Coincidence? I think not.
So it’s perfectly okay for Rachel to send Sunshine Corazon to a crackhouse but if Santana sets a piano on fire that gets her banned from the club? Go to hell Schuester.
Also Also Also Bad Girl Quinn is HOT
Actual genuine question: if Quinn lit the piano on fire – and I’m pretty sure it /was/ her – why’s Santana the one being kicked out for it?
Did I miss something?
I know right!! That was so confusing. I mean I think Santana is meant to have doused the piano in something flammable, since it was clearly wet. But was Quinn in on it? I thought she wasn’t hanging out with Santana and the queerios anymore so…? Maybe it’s ok if there are random acts of destruction involved.
The Cheerios were definitely dousing the piano. I think Quinn just flicked the cig in there like the BAMF she is.
but it wouldn’t have lit on fire if quinn hadn’t put out her cigarette, but i can’t imagine that quinn would’ve been in on it anyhow, or like, planned her cigarette smoking so carefully. i was and am still really confused about that too.
Hmm, that’s true. Maybe it was supposed to be a symbolic statement of how all of their enemies unconsciously coordinate to destroy them from all sides, but I doubt Murphy has any knowledge of imagery or depth so probably not.
The piano-burning thing was the best thing about that episode though.
most likely quinn has gone undercover again in some lame plot to screw the glee club by hiding behind her pink punk persona.
however, if quinn and santanna are together and sparking things up with symbolic flaming purple pianos- maybe she does swing our way after all. Oh god, a cheerleading threesome is coming our way…
Oh god, you have just ruined any chance of me getting sleep this entire week with your last line.
I’m pretty positive that it was planned by Santana and Quinn helped since she DGAF now lol. You can see the look (or smirk) on Santana’s face after the piano burns and it’s clear that setting it on fire the way that way was what she wanted to happen. Otherwise why douse the piano with lighter fluid?
Whether Quinn was in on it or just there with a convenient cigarette, he couldn’t exactly kick her out of Glee because she already quit. And Santana was one of the ten or so Cheerios that sprayed lighter fluid on the piano when they danced around it, so I can see why he kicked her out. She was the only guilty party he had access to at that moment.
Maybe Quinn is having a secret fling with Santana (the alternative haircut and all, you know the signs are there). So she’s helping Santana with her little “evil” plan. Let’s say Schuester has suspects on the fling. But he can’t kick out Quinn, cause you know she kinda kicked out herself on her own from the Glee. So he kicks out Santana. Hoping she will run towards Quinn and make out with her.
Okay this is happening only in my twisted mind, isn’t it?
Pretty sure she was hiding lighter fluid in her Spankies.
OMIGOD THANK YOU RIESE FOR AGREEING THAT QUINN IS HOT. Or at least interesting.
Otherwise: Santana was amazing per usual. And that was it. I mean, I’m glad they’re pretending second season never happened, but I did roll my eyes at the Purple Piano thing (Stupidest. Idea. Ever.) and Sue’s revival of the same thing she’s been doing this entire time. Anyone else feel like she’s Wile E. Coyote and Will Shuester is a douchefuckbag?
I also wanted to kill myself when Will glitterbombed Sue. That was the worst thing ever uggghhh
Worse than gross gross Will gross in bed with Emma?
(I think not)
Worse. Him being in bed with her was typical “HETERONORMATIVE” TV. I was genuinely insulted when he took the glitterbombing, a political statement against homophobic politicians, and used it for his pathetic attempt to “take action” for abso-fucking-lutely nothing.
I thought exactly the same thing when the water started dribbling down the windows of the car. Despite the money they obvs throw at this show, they’re not so good with little things like this. The continuity is also appalling.
Must. Stop. Staring at Britney dancing butt gif… But it’s so hard.
so cafeteria food fights are an epidemic where I live.(I’m not in high school but I represent indigent people in court AND it was in the paper) was the food fight some kind of nod to reality?
there are food fights regularly in the middle school where I work.
I’ve never experienced a food fight in all my years attending public school in America. I’ve always wanted to be in one and I’m not sure why because I bet they aren’t that fun. I’ve been in many snowball fights. That’s probably as close as I need to ever get.
I, too, once suffered from the strange desire to participate in a food fight, so I organized one in my back yard with all my friends. We followed it up with a garden hose shower.
“Taste the rainbow” and the glitterbomb are both lifted directly from activist Nick Espinosa, the original glitterbomber who dumped the annoyingly static-prone sparkles all over Newt Gingrich. Got to give gay props when they’re due. Link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSb3kTA6vVI
Per ushe, I enjoyed this recap more than watching the actual show.
Is the new girl (Sugar Amada?) the bitchy one from Stick It? If so, I love her!
Yup, it’s Vanessa Lengies from “Stick It.”
I’m not the only one who has seen Stick It?
!!!!!
Oh, I could’ve read your comment but I went to the google machine instead. It’s weird because I’m pretty sure she was high school-aged in Stick It and that movie is years old. The whole Glee episode I was trying to compute if that could be her. Also, at the time, I definitely made up Stick It fan fic in my head where Haley and that blonde girl who hated her actually were lovers who broke up and then made up after the movie’s ending. And by fan fic, maybe I just mean had dirty thoughts. That movie was sort of crappy and unsatisfying, and sort of AMAZING.
I’m pretty sure it’s Sugar Motta. Did anyone else find the Asperger’s thing offensive?
And did anyone else think Sue was hinting that she knows about Santana’s sexual orientation and is using Santana’s fear of being outed to get her on Team Sue?
Yes. Agreed. All of this. The Aspberger’s thing was totes offensive (as was their jab at bipolar disorder last season – haven’t forgotten that one yet). And I totally think Sue was being hella emotionally manipulative and bitchy, or at least that’s how Santana heard it, and she’s still terrified of her “secret” getting out.
Do you mean Holly Holliday’s bipolar thing in class? (“everyone practice your bipolar rants” or something like that?) Just for the record I have severe bipolar and I thought that was fucking hilarious.
Yeah, I also found the aspergers thing offensive. My brother has aspergers and I actually dislike him a LOT, but even I was annoyed.
I am outraged at the representation of Asperger’s.
People with Asperger’s generally work super hard to be agreeable socially. They don’t generally go around being rude and mean on purpose like this new character.
but that’s kind of the point isn’t it? granted I haven’t seen the show but it sounds like she’s not meant to have actual asperger’s, but that she’s supposed to be a jab at people who use it as an excuse to act the fool. Like I said though, haven’t seen it, but if the line is how it’s represented in the recap that is how I am inclined to take it. Also my best friend has asperger’s and so do a lot of people in our circle and everyone has a pretty awesome sense of humor about it, so different strokes.
As always the captions on the photos of this recap are stellar.
And the lesbian handshake is the scissor bump, correct?
YES
I would find it offensive if it weren’t for the whole “self-diagnosed” thing.
Yeah Dina, that was my thought. She seemed to be using it as an excuse to be a jerk.
“muskateer”
Oh how I missed these recaps (and Glee).
I have missed these recaps so much. I spent so much time obsessively refreshing Autostraddle waiting for this. Even more time than usual. Trust me, that says something.
Any episode that has Heather Morris and Naya Rivera booty dancing in streamer skirts can do no wrong in my mind.
“I guess basically it’s like porn, but with singing and dancing instead of sex.”
Riese, you have summed up why I still watch this show. Pretty people singing and dancing. Also, lesbians. And lots and lots of subtext between the supposedly non-lesbians. Did you see Quinn *lick her lips* and give Rachel the once-over at the end of their scene? Quinn is gay and nothing will convince me otherwise.
I didn’t think the episode was all that plot-wise, there was a lot of dumb stuff and a lot of WTF, but the fandom shout-outs and really hot girls made up for it. Quinn is so skanky-hot right now, I can’t even. I also really liked Sugar, she was hilarious. And Santana & Becky’s rivalry.
I swear to the gods of gay, I will watch this show if only because of the attractive ladies and to find out if Quinn ends up being gay. I mean, at the very least she’s going to make out with a lot of chicks in college, and all I ask is that we get to see that.
You might enjoy this then: http://skywarrior108.livejournal.com/955.html
Someone compiled all of the evidence that suggests that Quinn might be gay. Pictures and everything. I personally think it’s a compelling arguement :)
This is startlingly in-depth. I can definitely appreciate that.
It is in-depth. I think it’s in-depth wishful thinking but who knows?
When Shu kicked Santana out of Glee club, my immediate thoughts were: “YESSSS THEY’RE SETTING UP THE QUINNTANA SHIPPING NOW” because obviously any member no longer in Glee has to hook up with generous amounts of scissoring.
I fucking love Quinn’s hair.
We Got the Beat…Santana and Brittany – that was enough for me. But I am a simple girl…
I just have to say that as a performing-arts major (music, not theatre, but still), I’m glad that a show finally got that Juilliard does not have a musical theatre program – it’s either straight theatre or classical voice (i.e. opera and lieder, not Broadway). It gets on my nerves that every single super-talented kid in the performing arts on TV shows ends up going there, because not only is it not the only great performing arts school in the universe, for some majors it doesn’t even have the best program. If you’re into musical theatre or popular music, you’d be better off at NYU or Berklee College of Music respectively, and yet TV writers don’t do the research and still have those characters going there.
Anyway, I really liked that whole plot with Rachel and Kurt this season, about them being big fish in a small pond (though they’d be big fish in a big pond, too), because I remember having that anxiety when I was in high school, too. I went to a school with a really shoddy orchestra, I’d only taken a year of composition lessons outside of school, and so I was worried be able to compete with people who had attended performing arts schools or at least regular schools with better music programs. But it turns out I was wrong! While it’s not a bad idea to apply to some safety schools, I’m so happy I didn’t listen to the people who tried to tell me I should ONLY apply to those places.
*was worried I wouldn’t be able to compete
Also, re: Emma not recommending other top programs in musical theater, maybe they’re going to have a subplot about the ignorance of most public school guidance counselors re: performing arts programs? The ones at my school regularly tried to steer me toward places that had absolutely no music composition program whatsoever because they heard it had a good marching band or something.
I have discovered the secret to maximizing my enjoyment of Glee: watching it drunk. I strongly recommend everyone try this.
this is how I got through the last season of the L-Word. no, scratch that, halfway through. even my Irish-German-bred liver has limits, unlike Ilene fuckin’ Chaiken.
I know this was mentioned a couple times, but did anyone think this episode was glaringly offensive over and over?
First there was Sue’s crack to Tina and Mike about the song being the national anthem for “wherever they’re from.”
Then when Santana made that crack about chromosomes.
Then the Aspergers thing.
It was all just a little too offensive without making a point about anything. It just made me uncomfortable.
Also, I can’t believe you didn’t include the “You and Your Hag” pamphlet that Kurt got. Loved that.
glee has ALWAYS made offensive jokes. i think theyve actually toned it down since the first season, since getting so popular.
Yes, they have always made offensive jokes, but generally I think that the jokes have been ironic. Generally being offensive to point out how bad it can be…
Whereas this episode was appalling.
Exactly. I’m used to the show having offensive material, but it’s never made me drop my jaw in surprise like this episode did. I don’t know what it was. It just seemed pointless and unapologetic instead of trying to prove a point.
With regards to the pamphlet: read the recap again, a little closer this time.
Oh my god. I totally missed it, didn’t I? I swear when I read it the first time that picture must have been smaller or something…
I’ll be hiding in a corner due to embarrassment now.
One: I want to hang out with Riese because I adore her humor.
Two: I would like to see Alex Vega dance to “We Can’t Stop the Beat” with imaginary drumsticks in a giant apartment because I’ve autostraddle/facebook stalked her and now I have an autostraddle/facebook crush on her.
Three: If I confess that number two was creepy, does it make it less creepy?
“…and dancing like she just learned how to put a tampon in..”
I died.
did no one notice the way sue said “You like playing for both sides, don’tcha?”
maybe i just read too much into that………..
anyways omg i am in love with new quinn IN LOVE
no, i totally read it as a sort of subtle blackmail.
I just about died when Santana referenced “the unholy trinity.” way to steal fandom-originated terms, ryan murphy (or whoever wrote this episode). maybe they could also steal some storylines from brittana fanfiction while they’re at it.
Do you really think of it as theft? They consistently do the same thing with ship names, going so far as to name an entire episode “Furt”. Fandom nods delight me.
yeah, i love it too. haha. my comment was very unclear, i apologize.
Now, I know this is a bizarre question that is totally unrelated to this episode, but I need to share my feelings. My fruit related feelings. How does Emma manage to eat so much fruit? In every episode she has about 5 separate containers full of fruit! How does she eat it all?
Liking letting my arrow hover over the pictures, for further witty comentary that has heretofore been missed :D
Pretty sure these recaps will be the only reason I continue to watch the show.
Riese, did whole scenes go over your head or are you just interested in snark? Here is a clue. Anyone can do snark. It is the laziest form of criticism. Why bother reviewing it if you are going to just provide wafer thin analysis? Some would argue no analysis was offered. I am very disappointed. The experiences of Santana and Quinn in this episode are itself worth a few pages in it’s comprehension of rejecting one’s being out of a fear of being hurt. Instead we get this snark. Unreal.
You’re all worked up over a recap of Glee?
Pretty sure it was supposed to be funny. Pretty sure most people are enjoying it. I’m sure you could find some in-depth analysis somewhere else on the internet if you wanted.
Yeah, I expect humor from Riese’s recaps. This includes what you call snark. She does provide some very insightful commentary when it’s called for, I don’t think this was one of those eps.
An in-depth analysis of Santana and Quinn’s brief time in this ep, especially a couple of pages worth, seems waaay over the top.
not everyone can do snark. it is an art, like anything.
also, if you’re looking for super subtexty analysis, i suggest you try tumblr.
Butthurt Faberry fan wants pages of analysis deconstructing every word, every pause, every glance that Quinn and Rachel share in their, what? 90 seconds on screen together?
Please. The shippers will do this for you. You do not need to whine at Riese about all the ways her (awesome) recap failed you.
I would check with Heather Hogan at AE. She can write pages and pages of ridiculous analysis about a show if she really wants to. Personally, I hate recaps like want to “peel away the layers of the show like onions.” I just want to laugh at how much Glee sucks yet we still all watch it.
Unfortunately, HH isn’t writing Glee recaps at AfterEllen.
For a site who is about girl-on-girl culture, you sure provide lots of misogynistic commentary.
Wait, what?
@consemptous36706, if you want explain exactly what you meant, please do! (With examples.)
I just re-read the recap for the misogynistic content I somehow missed the first two times. What I found was:
+S1 Quinn referred to as a cunt
+Mr. Schuester referred to as a pussy
I just googled Sugar Motta and confirmed she was indeed the bitchy gymnast in the movie Stick It. If you’re a lesbian and you never watched Stick It alone on a random Saturday night, I don’t even know what to say to you. As a teenager, that movie fulfilled all my lesbian checkboxes while seeming like a movie for straight girls. An amazing covert operation.
AND THE ICE BATHTUB SCENE I NEVER HAD A CHANCE, NEVER. HAD. A. CHANCE!!!