Just a quick aside before we begin: I kept saying “leave off the last ‘s’ for savings!” to myself while writing this. Ok, Glee time!
It’s yearbook photo time, and The Lynch had her tearducts removed for the occasion. Apparently the Glee club doesn’t get a photo (Sue’s doing, natch). The Glee club has, historically, had their yearbook photo defaced every year, so the kids are ok with remaining anonymous.
But not Will! Noooo sir. He goes to Figgins, who demands $1,000 to let their photo in.
Great, maybe they can have another bake sale or car wash or something, maybe there can be singing or we could find another minority group to mock (Santana could sell tacos at lunch!).
Wow, lots of voiceovers this week. Let’s see. Rachel is really into posing for photos in preparation for becoming a star and thus has joined like every single club, Rushmore-style, so that she’s in as many photos as possible. She’s also hellbent on getting the Glee club a photo in the yearbook and plays the gay-dads-with-close-ties-to-the-ACLU card to try to do it.
Quinn misses being a Cheerio and wants back in. OMG SHOW! In and out, in and out. You quit, you join, you get kicked out, you don’t show up, you’re fired, you’re back, you’re hired, one or the other, you pick this one, but sneak into that one — when Glee becomes a board game, it’s going to be very easy for The Parker Brothers to conceptualize.
Terri doesn’t want Will paying for a quarter-page ad (which somehow costs more than a quarter of what a full-page ad costs but whatever why do I know this) so he sneaks Figgins the money and then gets far too excited about it when he tells the kids that they only have room for a photo of two team captains, so they’ll have to vote. Everyone votes for Rachel (including Rachel) because no one wants their photo in the yearbook.
Ken schedules his wedding to Emma on the same day as sectionals so that she can’t go to sectionals. Will is all, “Hey Emma, what’s up with that?” and she tells him that she’s defo marrying Ken, end of story. That’s also coincidentally the beginning of the story and the middle of the story because we still have no idea why exactly this relationship is happening, these people need their own season on A Shot at Love or something. I mean, Ken as a husband for Emma? At best Ken would be a good mover-of-objects or something. Like he could move all of Emma’s objects into Will’s house and move Will’s wife and her objects into the sanatorium.
That’s right! Nothing will stop her from marrying Ken! Even if Will finds out that his wife is actually a psychotic manipulative craft-hoarding twat who’s been faking her pregnancy, or even if Will were to notice that his marriage seems to be a total disaster from the writer’s room complicated … where was I? YES!
Will tasks Rachel with finding a co-captain, but everyone else is busy washing their hair. She snags Finn with a triumphant leadership speech she learned from either Tyra or Gypsy probs, and he agrees to be in the picture with her.
Then she sings “Smile” by Lily Allen to teach him how to… smile. I like this song a lot, so I approve of this musical number. They’re acting all cute together too… wow that guy really skulks around doesn’t he? How am I only noticing Finn’s utter lack of grace now, 12 episodes in? (I totally just set up a really amazing Will-not-knowing-Terri-is-pregnant joke there, didn’t I?) No wonder his twitter username is “frankenteen.”
Later he gets accosted in the locker room by football meatheads who try to draw on his face in preparation for his yearbook photo. Wow I really don’t miss high school.
Wait can we just talk for a second? Why the hell does anyone care if someone draws on their photo? It’s not YOUR yearbook that someone else is drawing on, it’s on their own. What the eff? Sorry, digression over. If everyone whose picture I drew on felt that personally offended by it … anyhoo.
So uh, naturally Finn doesn’t show up for photos. Rachel is about to run out crying when she gives herself a mirror pep talk like Stuart Smalley and totally nails the photo on her own. SMIZE, RACHEL!
The photographer has to leave though, he has a casting session for a commercial to do. Because Rachel cannot only cry on cue but can also read minds, she suggests he forego the casting and instead just hire the entire cast of GLEE, a great new show on Fox Wednesday nights at 9.
She informs the kids that they’ll be in a commercial which will make them stars, and then no one will EVER draw Hitler mustaches on their yearbook photos again. What’s the ad for? Mattresses! I have a feeling this is not going to be the star vehicle Rachel thinks it’ll be, but it worked for the Bananas in Pajamas.
So, mattress commercial shoot! Rachel suggests that the Glee club perform a number instead of reading a silly ol’ script, so they perform Van Halen’s “Jump,” in jammies on giant mattresses. Not gonna lie, that was awesome (although I was slightly concerned about THE FETUS IN QUINN’S GODFORSAKEN STOMACH FOR CHRISSAKE).
I wanna jump on a bed right now!
And then… finally… the moment I’ve personally been waiting all season for…
Will finds out that Terri isn’t actually pregnant at all!!!!
Seriously, how many drinks for this?
Only took TWELVE EPISODES. He’s looking for his pocket square and instead finds one of her fake baby bumps. He calls her out and she keeps denying it up until he pushes her against the wall and lifts up her shirt. Seriously, dude? This is your wife, how the fuck did you not know?!? I wish they’d done a musical montage with him trying to lift up her shirt and her backing away, like a “Halo/Don’t Stand (So Close to Me)” mashup.
She gets very scary looking in this part like it’s a real show about feelings.
Naturally she blames it on him and the Glee Club. They have a really intense, real, awful argument. She fesses up her steal-Quinn’s-baby plan and all of her lies. Will storms out; Terri is left alone; we go to the commercial break. Wow. That was very well-written. No snark from me.
“I loved you Terri. I really loved you.” – Will (oh burrrrn!)
Will goes to the school and finds a stack of mattresses with a note attached thanking the Glee club for their hard work.
These don’t look nearly as nice as the ones they were jumping around on, btdubs.
Riese Sidenote: At this moment, I yelled to Alex OMG I WISH CARLY WERE HERE SO WE COULD SAY “OH, HE’S GONNA SLEEP ON THE MATTRESS OBVIOUSLY TO SHOW OFF OUR EXTREME SHOW-PLOT-PREDICTING TALENTS.”
He is confused but happy to have found a place to sleep. Glad they didn’t do a commercial for bowling balls! Hey-o! Jokes!
Sue is at the TV station shooting another Sue’s Corner segment — which I wish had their own online web-series like Subtle Sexuality — when she sees the mattress ad on the teevee. The next day Quinn asks Sue to be in the Cheerios yearbook photo but is turned down.
“You’re too busy chasing tail and loading your hair with enormous amounts of product. I mean today it just looks like you put lard in it!” – Sue (to Will)
Later Figgins and Sue are are telling Will that the Glee kids are disqualified from sectionals because they were in the ad. And since Will slept there they can’t return all of the mattresses. This is silly. Under pressure to explain his IRRESPONSIBLE MATTRESS PAWNING, Will reveals that he’s thinking of leaving Terri.
Figgins tells him that Glee club is over. The Lynch is way too happy about that, as you can imagine, because she has no heart, but however can still do no wrong. Anyhoo, she should know by now that Glee never gets shut down for good, is the show called “Cheerios” no it’s not. Is the show called Honey Nat Queerios? No, unfortunately also.
Quinn shows up in Sue’s office in her Cheerios uniform to prove that her uniform still fits (how?!?) (is she also faking her pregnancy?) (wtf) and she should be able to be in the Cheerios’ photo.
She blackmails Sue into letting the Glee kids have a full page yearbook ad and letting her back onto Cheerios by threatening to tell Figgins that Sue gave the Cheerios gifts all the time. Yeah Quinn! This scene was crazy awesome, like when Tina stood up to Bette for the first time, except without the sex afterward, which is probs ’cause Quinn’s No #1 relationship is with God.
Quinn tells Sue that she actually doesn’t want to be back on the stupid Cheerios since Sue’s a crazy Nazi and storms out. Woo!
Will talks to Emma about the Glee kids, and she tells him to stop worrying about that and focus on his own life and divorce. Wait, who said anything about a divorce? Um, he really needs to divorce that crazy bitch.
Will tells the Glee kids that since he accepted the mattress by sleeping on it in a pit of despair, he will quit the club and let them continue on to sectionals without them. Oh, it’s that simple? Ok! Super. He gives them a moving speech and they all get gussied up for their yearbook photo, which means: montage. You guys know how I feel about a good montage. We end on the football players defacing the entire Glee club photo. Like, they messed up everyone’s face and changed “Glee Club” to “Geek Club.” Hm. They’re… thorough?
Overall I have to say this episode was pretty good. A lot better than the past few, by far. I think I would have appreciated most of this episode a lot more had the rest of this season not been so weird and uneven and repetitive but it was good, with some great moments (Terri and Will’s fight… damn!). The final Glee of 2009 airs this coming Wednesday, and then it’s on hiatus until the spring, so let’s hope everyone can keep it in their pants and not quit between now and then, and that no one comes back preggers.
