You’re broke and bemoaning the fact that money doesn’t grow on your lawn. Well, dear Autostraddlers, lucky for you, your food does! And even if you don’t have your own lawn, your food grows in other peoples’ lawns, in yards, and in parks! Don’t worry, I’m not calling you a cow. I’m just suggesting you eat dandelions.
You may be broke as fuck, but who needs money when you can look at pretty flowers and then pick them to serve your needs — and I mean all your needs. Need to get drunk? The dandelion is here for you. Need to chill out with some anti-cancer tea? Look no further than the dandelion. And finally, who doesn’t want pretty flowers in their salad? Yeah, that’s right, dandelion flower salad is a thing — it is a nice complement to the toast from your toaster oven and should be the staple food at all your AS brunches and lesbian potlucks!
Dandelion Wine
Dandelion Wine is a classy drink. Sure, you can use it to fulfill your drunken-debauchery quota; but when I imagine people drinking dandelion wine, they are in a garden wearing pretty hats and perchance speaking with British accents.
Here is what you’ll need:
The flowers from enough dandelion flowers to fill a big-ass gallon-sized bucket.
3lb of sugar
2 lemons
2 oranges
½ oz of yeast
Here’s what you do:
Start by pouring a gallon of boiling water over the flowers. Leave it for three days (yes, this recipe requires patience) and stir the mixture every day (yes, this recipe requires persistence). Finally, after three days, strain into a deep pan or pot and add lemons and oranges. Bring the mixture to a boil for about five minutes. Then cool. Add yeast and let ferment for three more days. Cork, leave for two months, bottle. Then invite a bunch of classy ladies over, wear fancy hats, discuss kittens in fake British accents. Unless you have a real British accent.
Dandelion Tea
Dandelion tea is really good for you. In addition to being anti-cancer, it’s a diuretic, helps cleanse your liver and your gallbladder. Researchers are spending 157 thousand dollars to figure out what makes it so special; but you don’t need to spend anything to make this tea.
Here’s what you need:
Dandelion roots
Here’s what you do:
Pull the roots out of the ground. You may have to dig a bit for them. You can use your hands, if you’re hardcore like that, or a small shovel. Once you have gathered a cupful of roots, wash them and use a coffee grinder to make dandelion root powder. Steep your powder in hot water and you have tea! You can drink it just like that or add nutmeg, clover, sugar, anything really for taste.
Flower Salad
Easy-peasy.
Here’s what you do:
You get some dandelions, you chop off their flowery heads, you put said heads in a salad. What kind of salad? Any salad! That’s the wonderful thing about dandelions. They go with everything. Greek salad. Caesar Salad. Salad that you hastily throw together with the veggies in your fridge before they go bad.
Enjoy eating flowers. Just remember to ensure the dandelions you’re using haven’t been sprayed with pesticides. This is about eating flowers, not poison. Remember how magic happens when girls and flowers are together.
