OCEANS

Release Date: April 22nd

If Disney’s Oceans is anything like the sea-centric segments of Planet Earth, it will be FUCKING AWESOME. Even if you don’t care about nature or the environment, you’ll like this. There’s crazy shit in the ocean! Alert! You‘ll be committing a crime against your own intelligence and dopamine receptors if you don‘t see this. Oceans will entertain you, freak you out and totally blow your mind. Not convinced? Get cozy with Planet Earth for a semi-sneak preview. Oceans is gonna be awesome edu-crack for your eyes. And you’ll need something down to earth after that Tim Burton acid trip.

+

+

IRON MAN II

Release Date: May 7th

I didn‘t see the first Iron Man movie when it first came out and probably wouldn’t have if not for writing this preview. I think you could probably watch and understand Iron Man II without seeing the first, but the first really is pretty damn good for a movie with basically only dudes wearing metal in it. In Iron Man II, the billionaire Tony Stark who invented unprecedented armored suit technology in Iron Man I, fights to keep his invention in his own possession. The government, the press and basically everyone else wants him to turn it over to the government.

Beyond the premise, the rest of the plot doesn’t look very predictable. The villian Whiplash somehow enters the story and he seems like a super-asshole, and not just because he weirdly reminds me of jumping rope and hating gym class. While the plot remains a partial mystery, we do know that Scarlett Johannson is playing a Russian super spy named Black Widow and her costume is skin tight. So, yeah. What else do you need to know?

+

+

PRINCE OF PERSIA

Release Date: May 28th

Personally, I’m really uncoordinated when it comes to video games, but I love watching people play them. Prince of Persia is based off the video game of the same name, so I’m guessing this is going to be a bit like watching someone play it, except with real people on the screen and they don‘t fuck up and you don‘t have to read cheats or a walkthrough for them. A nobleman of Ancient Persia holds a gift from the gods called the Sands of Time, which has the power to not only control time, but to unleash a sweet killer sandstorm. The adopted prince teams up with a (very attractive) princess in order to rescue the Sands of Time and save the world or some such business. And Jake Gyllenhaal pretends to be Iranian, I think. Sounds entertaining enough!
+

>

+

+

THE LAST AIRBENDER

Release Date: July 2nd

Yeah, Avatar: The Last Airbender is a kids’ show, but give this movie a chance. It’s directed my M. Night Shyamalan, so there‘s really a good chance it‘ll be awesome for a PG movie. The show was actually really cool, and unlike 2009’s Avatar, I think I‘ll actually love the shit out of this movie. Aang, as the title suggests, is the last Airbender. And while he looks 12, he‘s been frozen for 100 years. Then the last Waterbender, Katara, and her young warrior brother wake him from his epic power-nap. Long thought dead, the fate of the world suddenly relies on Aang’s ability to master all of the elements. The world he once knew has changed, and he must try to restore peace while retracing his steps, kind of like following a trail of bread crumbs. While I think it’s weird that there are so few Asian actors, I’m pumped for The Last Airbender- especially the martial arts! That shit is hot.

+

+

HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS (Part 1)

Release Date: November 19th (Part 2 due out July 15th, 2011)

While I’ve grown a little less excited about the Harry Potter movies as each hits the theaters, my Chosen One interest is piqued again by the release of The Deathly Hallows. First of all, this marks the true beginning of the epic, two part end. Hopefully, this means they’re tying up loose ends in a neat way and/or finding ways to fix all the things they messed up by leaving out details in the past. Another difference is that the 3D release will have dimensional effects throughout the entire movie. This movie won’t take place at Hogwarts- it’s going to be a completely different game and we’ll be able to see the characters in a completely different environment. Probably due to this change of setting, David Yates decided to shoot “with loads of hand-held cameras”. I think that the long sweeping shots were a great asset to the previous HP films, so I hope they won’t be too sparse in these final two. Still need convincing? Emma Watson becomes more and more of a babe as time goes on. Even my straight friends agree. If you’ve been following the Harry Potter books/films- I‘m sure you‘re already going. If you haven’t, you can catch up with the movies in a day and you have all year.

+

+

CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: VOYAGE OF THE DAWN TREADER

Release Date: December 10th

The Narnia series may be religious propaganda, but propaganda has never gone down so easy. Narnia scores points for its good-natured, warmhearted vibe and good intentions. If you aren’t the prayin’ sort, you can ignore the overtones entirely and enjoy the books and movies as simple fantasy classics. Hell, impose your own non-religious allegorical interpretations on them!
It bodes well that so far the creators haven’t butchered the the adaptations of C.S. Lewis’ classics. The Dawn Treader is the third and final film adaptation, (as far as anyone knows), though it is based off the fifth book in Lewis’ series. Voyage of the Dawn Treader follows only Edmund, Lucy and their cousin Eustace (Eustace?!). They join Prince Caspian aboard – you guessed it- the Dawn Treader, and they must sail to the end of the earth to save Narnia from being completely destroyed. All of the Narnia films are worth your time, and the books are quick, enjoyable reads. And if you’re lazy or illiterate and want to catch up before Dawn Treader, there’s a full cast, soundscaped audio version.

+

+

TRON LEGACY

Release Date: December 17th

Tron Legacy is a sequel to a 1982 film called simply “Tron,” which apparently had a cult following of some sort. Unfortunately for this preview, I was neither a member of the cult following nor the group of people who’ve seen it. Anyway, let’s cut to the chase. Olivia Wilde’s in the film, and she’s super hot. And like Iron Man II, thankfully, this Tron Legacy involves skintight suits. And the Tron world involves something called “Disc Wars,” which reminds me of Pogs, so that‘s a major seller for me. Let’s be honest, I don’t know what this is about, but Daft Punk did the soundtrack… and pogs! Whatever, watch the trailer!

+

+

GREEN HORNET

Release Date: December 22nd

Based on the Green Hornet character from TV and radio, this might rock or totally totally blow. There just isn’t a lot of information available as of yet. The Green Hornet, Britt Reid in normal everyday non super-life, belongs to a class of superhero who lacks powers, a la Batman. And he catches criminals through sting operations. How Gotham of him!
+
+