FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Thank Goodness for Pets

Welcome to this week’s edition of sick, sad, world amigx! There’s a lot going on right now and a lot of us are grieving because the world is not a happy place. Bombings and shootings seem to be the norm now, and nowhere feels safe for anyone. I’m scared and overwhelmed around the clock, it seems. I never expected I’d live most of my adult life in fear, and yet here I am.

I was thinking about what to talk about this week, but everything has been so sad lately that all I’ve wanted to do is cuddle with my cats, post pictures of my cats, watch videos of cats, and not think about how hard it can be sometimes to be me in America every day. So that’s what I’m gonna do today. I’m gonna celebrate the purest of beings this week: pets.

Is there anything as beautiful and pure as a pet? My pets have honestly saved my life. They came to me when I needed structure and routine in my life and have helped me when I feel myself spiraling out of control. They’re full of love, energy, and they are so stinking adorable. My pets remind me that while there isn’t much that I can control in this world, there will always be something beautiful in it. Pets are untarnished by capitalism, white supremacy, heterosexism, and all those other ugly things that make me want to sometimes sit down and just never get up again.

I have three cats, in case you didn’t know — Anya, Alexei, and Buffy. They have an instagram account, obviously, because they are perfect superstars and their adoring fans deserve to be able to see them on the reg (so you should follow them).

IMG_7834

They’ve all got such distinct personalities: Anya is a mother hen with no time for shenanigans. Alexei is a 16-pound oval who is afraid of doorbells and people. Buffy is mean, adventurous, teeny tiny, and always running. Like, she never stops running.

I’m also taking care of myself with videos of small, adorable animals this week. Here are my top five:

Ricky

Kitten in a Box

https://vine.co/v/heY07mXh3Hx

Pippa’s Got a Job

Grumpy Humphrey and the Kittens

Pot Bellied Piglets

We spend a lot of time focusing on tragedy, and it’s important to talk about tragedies so that they don’t happen again. But it’s also important to smile and to laugh. We can’t let those who wish to keep the world divided and unequal take away our joy.

How are y’all healing yourselves this weekend? How are you reminding yourselves that there is an endless supply of love in the world, even though we’re reminded every day that there’s also way too much hate? How are you supporting your communities? I love you to pieces and I can’t wait to hear about your weeks and your lives. Take care of yourselves and each other friends. We are all we’ve got.

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Ari

Ari is a 20-something artist and educator. They are a mom to two cats, they love domesticity, ritual, and porch time. They have studied, loved, and learned in CT, Greensboro, NC, and ATX.

Ari has written 330 articles for us.

169 Comments

  1. My dog is lying right next to me as I write this. Her name is Bernie, and she is my saving grace. I got her when my anxiety and depression was really high, and she’s always been there by my side. She sits on my lap and humps my arm and licks my face. She’s not perfect, but she’s my baby, and I don’t know what my life would be like without her.

    In other news, my dream employer/job is hiring, and I’m so excited that I don’t know what to write in my cover letter and how to go about applying. If anyone’s good at resume/cover letter/job application stuff and wants to give a helping hand, I’d greatly appreciate it.

    What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It’s the only thing there is just too little of.

    I love you all. Even those I don’t know. You matter to me. <3 xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

    • Your dog is soooo cute!

      I would be more then willing to help you out with writing a cover letter/ resume, I have some good reference material as well that I would be willing to send you as well.

      • I am writing a letter for my dream job RIGHT NOW and I’ve been putting it off because dream job imposter syndrome, and also the timing is terrible for me, and now it is the last minute and timing is, of course, worse. But I wish you luck!

        • Repeating the mantra “act with the confidence of a mediocre white man” has been hugely helpful in applying to jobs I want but don’t think I’m qualified for. It helped me apply for this job I thought I was in no way qualified for, and I have my second round interview for it next week!

  3. Hi loves. It’s not enough, but I love you all and so does my dog.

    I’m housesitting. Yesterday we hung out in the pool (my dog hates water but loves cruisin on the boogie board). I floated in my tube with a napping dog on top of me (he was only half-napping, he’s always on alert) and stared up at the space where the tall backyard trees ended and the sky began. There were dragonflies buzzing through the upper canopy of the tallest tree like it was their very own metropolis.

    This morning, when the dogs woke me up with cheerful barking at 5 a.m., I stepped out back into the cool air – who knew there was ever cool air in my city in July – and the dragonflies had descended and were sleeping, I think, clinging so lightly to the side of the house, bright with dew against the stucco.

    There is so much of the world, everywhere, that does not belong to humans, despite how much we try to capture it. In some way, that helps me.

    • This is beautiful. I’m so happy you coul dhave these peaceful moments. It sounds like a dream.

      • Thank you! Yeah floating in the pool always feels like a really liminal space to me – time suspends. Must be why Dustin Hoffman did it so much in Mrs. Robinson :-)

    • This is lovely. It’s been a long week and your words gave me a moment of gentle peace, so thank you.
      Enjoy the pool :)

      • Thank you so much, Jas and Jessie! I hope you find moments of peace in your weekends too ??

  5. Real talk, someone I didn’t remember meeting friended me one time, but they had a lot of rescue dog pics on their page, so I accepted. Solid life choice, right there.


  6. A ridiculous story to soothe your souls: This is my wolf, Amaguq. She has many, many rituals that she must complete in order for her world to be right. One of these rituals involves a very specific set of maneuvers that she absolutely must do before entering my bedroom. She must press herself against the coat rack, step carefully over each foot of the rack, round the corner, and slide against the wall as fast as possible into the bedroom. If you move the coat rack, she will have a heart attack. If you stand in her way, she will have a heart attack. The other day a small box, no bigger than her foot, was in the way, and she was beside herself. Panting, pacing, whining–she refused to step over the box, or around it. It took removing the box for her to calm down and happily enter the bedroom. My life’s fun.

    • I had a quirky dog too. He had been left as a pup, tied outside a vet’s office….abandoned. Then taken to animal “prison” where I got him. I think he was abused. His tail was damaged. He was always wary of being petted, and if you touched him accidentally, he reacted out of instinct to snap at you. He bit me several times….only to look sorry each time after he did it. But he was my dog, and I loved him…..accepted him with his “issues”, just like anyone else I love. ? So I think I know a bit how you feel about Amaguq and her instinctive rituals! Just part of living with our wonderful amazing animals! Great photo!

  7. Hello AS community! It feels like I haven’t posted on a FOT for a really long time.
    I just recently purchased a condo which I am super excited about. When I moved a year ago I had to sell my old place and move into a rental, which was a first for me and I absolutely hate it. I take possession at the end of the month and I really can’t wait to get my independence back. More importantly I will be able to get a dog which is the real reason I’m so excited.

      • I would love a blue heeler but I am restricted to 12″ and blue heelers need a lot of exercise. I also really like shiba inus as well but they are also to big. I will probably end up going to the shelter and getting a rescue dog.

  8. I’ve been having some pretty rough months and went through a lot of days where I thought things were better and then I’d drop a spoon and start crying over the kitchen counter, and I ended up in the bathroom sobbing and feeling so alone one of these days. Usually my cat is scared off by crying, but he came over and sat nearby and just watched and waited for me and I realized there was so much love and it was going to be okay, and it has never been as bad as that day since and I am maybe crying all over the place writing this. I love him so much.

    Unrelatedly, it is the height of strawberry season and I just learned my friends are taking me to a tiny rural Pride next weekend and I’m super excited about it! I also as of yesterday have my first writers’ group (outside of high school Writer’s Club, I suppose) and new writing friends and it is going to be great!

      • Aww someone fix Nina’s cat pic I want to meet them!!

        Thinking of you. EAT ALL THE STRAWBERRIES THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE BEST SELF-CARE EVER

        Now I want strawberries.

        • aww you’re sweet baby! mine is the cuddliest thing in the world, and afraid of EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING, so i don’t know what will happen if i ever become un-single…anyway…whenever i have those stupid crying jags, he doesn’t cuddle :( Probably because of the above mentioned fears. BUT, the day after the crying jag, he is relentless in his need to cuddle, so I forgive him <3

    • Miriam, the future will take care of itself. It always has and there have always been scary things happening.
      It’s you who needs to look after you.
      If you need some help for yourself, reach out. To me, if you care to or to others in your life or professionals in your area if necessary.

      Please don’t give up hope without talking it out with someone who can help you regain some perspective. Hugs sent if you want them.

  10. I love all you guys and this community so, so much. You’ve given me friendship and eased my loneliness. I seriously wish I could hug you all so hard. I cherish this site and all you amazing and kind people.

    I’m really worried about my health. I’ve been having episodes where my vision screws up on me and dizziness along with other scary symptoms. I’m going to the doctor today and I’m having an MRI done next week but my anxiety is so high. I also have very little money and I was trying to build my mom a new house. I have a rich uncle who I may have to beg for money but that would be a last resort. I also have a friend with a bit of money but obviously I hate to ask.

    Anyway I just needed somewhere to get this out. Once again, I love you guys and I’m so grateful. So damn grateful.

    • Hallo Erin!
      I just wanted to tell you that you put exactly into words, what I feel about this community. I haven´t even posted anything that often (but read a lot of FOT from start to end). And its still always like coming home to a circle of friends.
      Also I wanted to wish you all the best with your health! (Your words sounded a bit familiar, because I had a series of serious health problems last year and also had a lot of anxiety then.) I just wanted to tell you, that I will keep my fingers crossed for your MRI! A big internet hug back to you!

    • Erin i’m so sorry to hear that about your health! You’re such a valued part of this community and I’m so grateful you’re here; I will be thinking about you and sending you strength. Please let us know about the MRI results when you can!

    • Hi Erin! I love you too! I am glad that you’re getting some tests to get to the bottom of the health stuff, but I’m so sorry that’s happening to you. Can you incorporate some self-care stuff to help with your anxiety in the run up to your MRI? Maybe some AMSR? Sending consensual hugs.

    • FWIW, I started having my vision get weird and fuzzy and I was also dizzy sometimes, and then the vision would come back again at what seemed to me like unpredictable times. In my case, it seems to have been a combination of two things.

      (1) Diabetes which was undiagnosed at the time. Now that my glucose is well-regulated, my vision has improved and doesn’t go through those fuzzy periods unless something goes haywire.

      (2) I also had some terrifying episodes of severe allergic iritis where I would go temporarily blind. Those incidents were less often accompanied by dizziness but they were extremely, shockingly, intensely painful. I figured out what was triggering that, and minimizing exposures to it stopped those incidents as well.

      I realize this might not be at all the same as what you are going through, but I thought I’d mention it because I was totally freaked out by what I was going through at the time, and the remedy for it has been a huge relief. So I feel you on the anxiety of waiting for the diagnosis.

      I hope whatever you’ve got going on is an easy fix! Please tell us when you find out what it is!

      Also, whatever it is, bathe yourself in love.

  11. Hallo everyone! This is such a funny coincidence, that this Open Thread is (also) about pets! I have been wanting to get (=rescue) a dog for as long as I can think, but at the moment its just not possible (not allowed in my appartment + soon starting at a job). So I have been reading a lot about different animals as pets, trying to find a species I could do justice and offer a suitable environment. I am just so fascinated and happy about all the little special characteristics and talents of animals (budgies, gerbils, mice, rats…). For example I just learned, how super smart mice are. :) (I´m thinking about keeping mice as pets, but they would have to be in my bedroom, so I´m still doing research on potential sounds and smells… :) )

    Anyways… I guess, all I´m trying to say is: I am very happy for all of you, who share a flat with and enjoy the company of a pet! As for the selfcare part: I crochet (its so relaxing, I just learned it) and also love to watch videos of animals… :-) And I´m soon going to start helping at an animal shelter, who is looking for people who regularily walk the dogs. :) A happy weekend to everyone! Keep yourself as cosy and happy as possible – with or without pets!:)

    • That’s awesome, was it hard to learn how to crochet? I need a tv-watching hobby, something to do with my hands!

      • Hey! No, it was really easy to learn it! I have to admit that I learned it a bit at school, but pretty much forgot everything. Now I learned it by following videos an Youtube(crochet alongs) – thats such an easy way to do it. :) I have not yet done any of her patterns, but there is a woman, who has a website (“amigurumi to go”) who offers awesome free patterns… And videos to go with them! She has all kinds of animal patterns, but also a dragon! :) Also: Granny Squares are fun to crotchet, and very relaxing (you can sew them together, to get a blanket at some point). Have fun trying it out, its really relaxing! (I´ll be offering a tiny crotchet workshop for beginners in a few weeks at our local lgbtq+*-Center – so I´m really excited about the topic atm, if you can´t tell… ;-) …)

        • So at the risk of sounding like an animal hoarder (for the record, I just started early and am now kinda old by internet standards. Like, I have had a mortgage for a couple years kinda old.) I’ve kept basically all of the animals on your list.

          Budgies — they are louder than you think. No, really, louder than that. Budgies are very social animals that really need to be kept in pairs unless you plan on spending a lot, like a lot of one-on-one time, and they talk to each other. Very smart and super cool, but not great for apartments.

          Gerbils — Okay, technically I only had a roommate who had a gerbil, but compared to the mice and rats you are taking a huge step down the pet affection/intelligence scale. They aren’t really domesticated so much as small and unable to hurt us.

          Mice — Mice are so much fun! As long as you keep one gender separate from the other! We decided to keep male mice. Do not do that. You mentioned smell? They use smell to mark territory and I could smell our male mice cage from the end of our house to the other end. Also one of them decided to start biting the butt hair (!!) off all of the others as a dominance thing and we had to separate them into different cages after trying every other possible thing. On the other hand, I kept a pair of female mice secret in my dorm room for a year in college with no issues. They are smart, and have really distinct personalities, and can form bonds. Short life span ( see below).

          Rats — I adored our 2 (female, re:smell) rats at the same level I love my cats now. They are incredibly smart (if I’m honest, they learn things faster or at the same rate as the cats, including their names). They will give you genuine affection if you spend time with them and amaze you constantly. I have way too many stories to mention in one post. The problem with rats is that they live 2-3 years (anything after 2 years is on the lucky side). They, along with mice, have a naturally short life span. We spent $600 on a surgery for one of our rats that extended her life by about 6 months, during half of which she was miserable because of the after effects of major surgery. It sucks.

          So what am I saying? It’s worth it. Pets are always worth it. I just feel obligated to tell you what I’d wish I’d fully realized going in.

          • Thank you for sharing your experiences! (Btw, you don´t sound at all like an animal horder to me ;) …) Because of the things you wrote Budgies and Gerbils are already not on my list any more – I get migraines (a lot less often then some time ago, but still), so Budgies are definitely to loud for me. Thats why I was thinking about getting Bourke´s Parakeets, they are a bit less loud and super cute – but also need lots of space to fly. I very much enjoy videos with Budgie sounds on Youtube, but I can stop whatching them whenever I want… ;)

            Rats are my absolute favourite, but the short lifespan and potential illnesses do sound very sad to me. And my partner doesn´t like them (which I don´t understand, but ok). We were planing to move in into a bigger appartment soon, but now we decided to do so in a smaller space. This means any animal(s) would have to live in the bedroom – which is totally not ideal. So I probably will be postponing the decision – also because its not that easy, since we both have to be okay with it.

            I met a super cute group of rabbits today (at some kind of zoo) and now I´m considering them again… :) (I had rabbits when I was a child) But they need lots of space!

            Thanks again for your detailed experiences! I´m so much looking forward to caring for my future pets that its just fun to talk about the things to consider… :)

          • I’m glad I could help a little! Mice and rats are really really cool animals, despite the brevity of their time. If your partner would be okay with mice and not rats I would say go for the mice. They aren’t quite as interactive as rats, but they can still learn neat things and provide cuddles. And one of our mice would build the most elaborate structures out of paper towel tubes and yogurt containers and cardboard boxes, etc. We would chuck stuff in his cage and he would arrange it in these crazy intricate ways and chew through things and stack them and build living quarters with multiple entrances. They are really frickin’ cool. Just for the love of your senses get female mice, because the male smell is…distinct. Mice also aren’t very loud unless you get a wheel for them that squeaks. They don’t chatter much, so they are a potential bedroom pet. As long as the wheel/toys don’t make noise there is really only occasional chewing sounds. The ones I hid in my dorm room (haha) never caused me any issues. The main trick to rodents, kind of like many birds, is to keep them in pairs. They live in groups in the wild and use each others company for enrichment.

            I don’t know anything about bunnies! And the only reptiles/amphibians I ever kept were red-slider turtles for a couple of weeks while their real owner was on a dive trip. If you’re interested in tarantulas though, we could have a whole other conversation, haha!

          • Oh, wow! Your mouse with architectural ambitions sounds really amazing! I´m pretty sure, mice would be a great pet to go with for me. And I think getting female mice is a good idea – I´ve heard a bit about the male ones smell… ;) I would like to have a group of 3-4 mice. :) Hmm… I find tarantulas definitely fascinating. I just probably wouldn´t want one (or more) as a pet. ;) Do/did you have tarantulas as pets?! :)

    • Hey EM! Yes, I have considered reptiles… I actually like them a lot. I really find bearded dragons very interesting. I had turoises (I hope thats the right word in English…) as a pet (are those reptiles?), when I was young. But I guess I am very much looking for the cuteness and bustle (I hope thats also the right word in English…?) of f. e. mice. This, of course, comes with sounds… ;) So… we´ll see. Maybe we make room in the living room for the mice, so that we can sleep well and still have mice as pets… :) Thank you for your suggestion! (I couldn´t find the “Reply to this comment” button, I hope you see this!)

      • I’m glad I’m not the only reptile-lover. I have come pretty close to adopting one or another at various times, but have never done it because of worries about things like keeping them warm enough, or landlords who were squeamish and prohibiting. Maybe someday!

        If you can put the mice in a room you don’t sleep in, it sounds like that could work! My brother had a pet rat when we were kids. She was sweet and lovey. I’ve met some mice in nature who were pretty sweet as well. One I rescued from a feline posse; she was unharmed and I gave her some food, which she happily ate before she went on her way home.

        • Hey! Yeah, the topic of warmth etc. sounds pretty challenging with reptiles to me too… And I think thats always a good approach, to really be very sure about as many things as possible, before taking over the responsibility for a pet. Maybe you will be able to get a reptile at some point! :-)
          I really find mice super charming (for the lack of a better word), so I´ll see if that will work soon. :) Thats interesting, that you had contact with mice in nature, who even took food from you! May I ask, if you do have pets of your own at the moment?

          • At the moment, I just have one cat, a 19 year old foster who came to me two weeks ago (probably for the rest of her life, since her original person has been having long term problems with finding work and staying housed, and doesn’t think he will be able to care for her again any time soon).

            I miss having more animals, but for now I’m keeping things simple.

            I’ve found that once wild mice get to know you and see that you are not out to get them, they become quite bold. I bet if you get pet mice they will become very friendly and affectionate.

            I was very impressed by the story about the mice who were building things, too!

          • Having a cat sounds so great… I´m glad you have her around. They are often so relaxed that I feel more relaxed just watching them sleep/lie around… :-) Yeah, I will probably go with the mice at some point! Now it´s already nearly time for the next open thread. :)

  12. Hi y’all. My pets live with my parents, and I can NOT WAIT to have a stable enough living situation that I can live with a cat again. Me and my girlfriend broke up last week, which has been tough, to say the least, but almost immediately after we broke up I spent a whole week with my friends in Denmark, and it was absolutely healing and glorious. It was the four of us in a tiny flat with a beautiful cat, and we had so much fun and I feel so good. It was just what the doctor ordered after a breakup, and also exactly the right place to be while the news kept trickling in. Jesus Christ guys. Much, MUCH strength to you all.

    • sorry about the breakup! sorry your pets are not with you, but at least you’re not fighting with your ex over a shared cat, right? I’m glad you got some vacation breakup-break and a nice pet to spend it with!

    • Sorry, Cecil. Breakups always suck. I am so glad your friends were able to surround you with love and fun!!!

  13. The other day I went with a couple of my friends to volunteer at our local animal shelter and I met this massive fluffy brown tomcat and he is SUCH a friendly sweetie pie and I want him SO much you don’t even understand but I can’t take him home with me because I’m leaving for college in literally a month and can’t have a cat in the dorm :( But I want him :(

  14. All the hugs if you want them, Alaina. And anyone else who wants/needs them, if you’re ok with hugs from a white person right now. You’re all wonderful and important.

    Yesterday was my dog’s 4th birthday:

    I feel bad bc i slept all day bc of depression and bpd bc…. life sucks, tbh. I don’t want to exist pretty often. I don’t want to dump on ppl, especially not this week, and i also feel like nobody would care tbh. I’m really struggling this year and i dont really see the point in continuing to do so, when it seems like everyone is telling me what a toxic, bad, negative person i am. (I’m honestly afraid to keep this in, bc im afraid people will tell me that im being toxic and manipulative. It keeps happening, ppl keep leaving me, and i am tired.)

    My dog isn’t very cuddly, and he’s got his own problems (he’s reactive and has a bite history since i got him), but he actually seemed to snuggle up to me last night and he fell asleep like that for a long while (i couldn’t sleep). It made me feel a little better. Pets really are pure, even if i know my dog secretly only loves me bc i give him food (food is his One True Love). ;p

    He also farted twice last night. Silent but deadly. He was unfazed (though sometimes when his farts make noise, he startles himself).


    ^before the farts

    • You’re important too, you know.
      Keep on keeping on, read some good books, write in your journal, go give some people those hugs you promised- and slowly but surely- you will get through this.

      • @mherm4 Nawwww, you are!!

        I’m hopefully going to an event tomorrow about police brutality & changing stuff, & seeing friends there, so i’ll be able to give hugs. :)

    • Caitlin, thanks for sharing your celebration of your dog’s birthday, and also for sharing what you’ve been experiencing even when it’s difficult and feels like you’re divulging something toxic that will push people away.

      I too have wanted to not exist at times, and I’ve found strength and reassurance in different communities (whether queer, faith-based, or just friends and classmates) who’ve reaffirmed how much I’m valued. I’m glad you felt comfortable sharing with the AS community. Sending hugs if you’re up for accepting them.

    • TW-Self harm

      Caitlin, know I am a lurker here but what you write about not wanting to exist and wondering if it is worth it to continue sound really scary. If you are feeling really badly depressed or like you may self harm, please seek help if you can, or in the worse case go to an ER if that is an option. I say this out of love- depression can be a really dark and scary and painful hole. But it is worth it to keep going- you have a community here that loves, respects, and values you.

      Also, sorry to anyone if any of the above was triggering, its just… I’ve lost too many friends not to err on the side of caution.

      Stay safe and lots of love, Caitlin!

    • Hi Caitlin! My fellow friday thread commiserator :) I’m sorry things are still going so tough :( I know depression well, BPD less so…but I know it is a very difficult disorder. I also think (all the time) at the pointlessness in life (esp. right now!! people are terrible!!), and my therapist has said that it is in humans’ DNA to keep fighting, to survive. My psychiatrist has also told me that most suicides are on impulse, because the emotional pain is too great, and this seems to be the only option. I know, and it is so so hard.

      For some reason, that made me feel better. Because if you can hold on past that impulse, past the fear that it will NEVER GET BETTER, something tiny will change. All thursday morning, I was feeling extremely ragey (that is my technical term for myself). I am a preschool teacher to 2 year olds, so I really need to keep my shit together while at work. I hated every single car I was behind on the way to work, and I knew I was in trouble. Road rage (worse than my normal road rage…i hate almost all people driving cars, except me of course!) is my first sign that all is not well internally.

      When, by lunchtime I felt like giving all my children large doses of benadryl to keep them quiet and calm, and then felt like jumping out a window, my ragey-ness was too much. Unfortunately, I can’t just escape work at lunch time…must calm down. Sometimes just having an hour break where I walk around in the sunshine helps, but I knew I needed a little extra help.

      I joined roller derby in November, and while I am actually quite fearful that i am terrible and shouldn’t actually be playing this sport, and have almost quit about 1,000 times…I keep staying. I actually have met other humans! One person in particular noticed some cut marks on my arm, and while i was having a hard time one night out drinking, she directly brought it up to me…and i freaked the eff out. Then she told me she used to…and calmed down somewhat.

      ANYWAY, she has been a source of support through all of this, even though i HATE IT. i have tried numerous times to get her to give up on me. Like literally telling her “PLEASE STOP BEING NICE. I NEED YOU TO BE DONE WITH ME NOW,” and trying to avoid talking to her or seeing her…but she keeps coming back. Its not something I really understand, but there is that stupid survival part that DOES reach out to her.

      Going back to Thursday. By lunchtime, I was feeling really fucking terrible. I texted her, and she calmed me down through that hour…and the afternoon was better.

      Long story short, while I dont’ feel hopeful or anything for the future, there is that tiny bit that has changed…I have someone I can reach out to (for now), and while I don’t necessarily like it…i know i need it.

      I hope you can find someone or something like that. Someone who gets YOU, and sticks through it through the hard times. This is all still new to me, as we’ve only gotten closer in the past two months.

      As always…I’m always here to listen ;)

  15. Speaking of cats, my friend *loves* the AS Yes Cats shirt I got her for her birthday. :3 So, thanks for that, AS.

    Hope you all have a peaceful weekend with your furkids.

  16. i’ve been traveling a lot in the past two and half weeks and have been away from my pups. it was so great cuddling next to him yesterday <3

    • May I have this dog? Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with whipped cream on top? Pretty please with whipped cream and a cherry on top? What? No?

      Well then just keep your old sweet, cute, sleepy, cuddly, wet nose, slobber mouth, barky, pretty, lovable dog and see if I care!!!

      Are you sure I can’t have him? ?

  17. thank you so much for making this space, alaina! i appreciate it so much. here is my cat, Six, doing her favorite thing in the world, which is sitting inside our sink and meowing loudly.

    if anyone would like to see more pet images and be comforted by them on this day, there are two twitter accounts devoted to my cats:

    https://twitter.com/isacatinthesink
    https://twitter.com/sleepywinston

    gonna go follow your cats on instagram alaina brb

      • yes! although i don’t keep up with them as faithfully as i should. they are for updating people on whether or not a cat is currently in our sink and updating people on the current sleeping location of my very sleepy cat, respectively.

  18. Also Alaina!!!! I LOVE YOUR CATS and immediately followed them on Instagram. Thanks for taking the time to write this FOT post and for sharing your words and cute animals. <3 Sending much love from this internet stranger in the Netherlands.

  19. Hello friends!
    This feels like a perfect forum to introduce you all to the newest addition to my family, Ralph!

    He is a beautiful black lab who is now 8 weeks and five days old and lives with my parents and siblings up north. Fate (and work) has conspired to not let me meet him yet, but that hasn’t stopped me talking about him and skyping him whenever possible. So far he doesn’t have an instagram but my sister is 14 and I think all she needs is a nudge so that I can follow his every move no matter where we are in the country.

    Speaking of moving around the country, I’m still looking for a place to live in Glasgow from Sept, so if anyone coincidentally has a spare room, or a highly recommended friend of a third cousin or whatever, I’d be interested to hear from you!
    I’m getting excited about making this step up in life (starting uni for nursing in a whole new city). Lots of change. Lots of opportunity. Lets do this!

  20. This week has been all kinds of hard on the news front.
    Like personally crushing, heart breaking, despair inducing.
    And I think it’s safe to say:”These are shitty times we’re living in right now.”
    It’s ok to be totally crushed.
    Actually, it’s absolutely adequate.
    And I must say, that I’m honestly glad that I’m sad.
    And I’m also relieved, that you’re,too.
    Because what if, with all that shit going down right now, we wouldn’t be?
    What if my biggest grievance would be the German Soccer players’ inability to keep their effing hands down, while people, so,so many people get shot and blown to pieces?
    We’ve had it good these past few years, but we, as those before us, are a part of history.
    There have been people before us and, most likely, there will be people after us.
    And those after us will think to themselves,”Wow, those were shitty times.”
    Just as we were thinking, when learning about the Third Reich, about The Plague, World War I, The Great Inquisition,etc.
    Even the sudden onset of the Ice Age.
    Somewhere,sometime, someone was thinking,”You gotta be f******* kidding me.” then.
    Just like we are now.
    So what I’m saying is: Hang on.
    There will be better times again.
    But this, right now, this is what will define our generation, our decade.
    And it might get worse.
    But it will be how we react to and how we will deal with what is and what is to come, that will shape our future in the end.
    There is a question history is now asking our generation.
    As it has always been asking every individual in every generation it has put to the test.
    And the question is, “What side of history are you on?”
    Hate or compassion?
    Greed or mindfulness?
    Comfort or empathy?
    And while we always like to think only the best of us, will we truly be the heroes of our stories?
    And one thing’s for sure:We are in need of a few heroes right now.

    • P.S.: Sorry, I didn’t mean to go all epic and philosophical on y’all.
      Instead, I’ve been meaning all week to tell you guys that I’ve stumbled across someone from work on “Once” (don’t ask), and I’ve been freaking out over the aspect that we might get matched.
      Freaking out.
      Like outright phobic freaking out over the aspect of possibly maybe dating someone who I’m genuinely interested in, click with and think is hot.
      I don’t think I could deal with that much reality.
      I feel like a kicked puppy with a mortal fear of feet who will never comfortably go for a walk ever again.
      Maybe all I’m ready for right now is casual dating.
      Whatever that is in Lesbian World.
      But what if we get matched?
      How are all of you out there and dating stand the abject terror of it all?!?

      • Just like anything, the abject terror may hopefully subside exponentially the more you do it! My first ever blind OKCupid date was an out-of-body experience. My tenth was NBD. You can do this!!!! Exposure therapy!!!

      • Dating is a slaughterhouse. Sometimes you get the gristle, sometimes you get the bacon. It’s worth showing up to find out.

      • Just like the lottery, you gotta be in it to win it!
        What if you do?
        Screw up your courage in a big ball and throw it in the ring!

  21. I think I am healing myself by spending time in nature somewhere semi-quiet just enjoying the views. At least there I will be with poor cell reception and hopefully enjoying nature being nature; i.e. hawks hunting, wolves howling, rabbits being rabbits, and so forth. That and possibly spend time with a lovely friend of mine on Sunday who’s had a bit of a long week.

    How else has everyone week been beside all the news? I went shopping this week at Walgreen and still don’t get why men’s deodorant cost less. What’s more is they mostly have odd names like mountain cool, or springtime sun, and they mostly all smell the same. Like what’s wrong with smelling like peach or field of roses? I prefer that. On the plus side, I did buy some lipstick that I am going to wear hiking over the weekend, because why not look fab when hiking? Speaking of which I wore my favorite shade of purple hiking on Sunday and it felt great and normal. I don’t even think people even cared or noticed.

    On related note I think I need to find a shirt and matching bra(that has amab trans folks in mind) I can wear when hiking that both says, “Hi I use they/them/there”(or something of the sort). Any ideas where to find such combo?

    From my hike Sunday. There were way to many blue swallow like birds flying around, they were very hard to photograph, at least close up.

    Monday spent time with my parents and sister down the coast, and while it was very packed with cishet bros, and women. Many of them dressed in a way that cause some dysphoria and confused(like do I want to ask where you got that outfit from or ask you out type).

    Thank you for viewing and reading my page. Have a positive weekend!

    • On the deodorant front, Axe started making this dry anitiranspirant spray and stick, they have one called Island and it smells like pina coladas and sunshine and I love it.

      Your pictures are lovely as usual.

        • Weirdly I find the spray works way better then the stick but it holds up pretty good. I sweat a lot and tend to need a stronger deodorant, this one will get me through the day no problem.

  22. Yay pets. Mine is a cutie and likes to rest her chin on things.

    I don’t know where I’d be without my little weirdo, she’s so silly. Her ears had to be docked due to an immunovascular disorder I can’t pronounce, that causes them to not be able to heal, and also makes her bald in places. She’s got various health and stress problems bless her. She’s worth every penny I’ve spent down at the vets. Her silly antics and cute face are a joy.
    It was my birthday on Tuesday which happened. My wife got me Lego dimensions because she supports my efforts to live as a gaming shut in surrounded by plastic bricks.
    I am working my last Saturday for the summer tomorrow and I can’t wait for it to be over. My dayjob will get weird AF and kinda tough after that but hey I’ll be seeing fewer people which helps me with the shut in thing. I think the sociopolitical climate has made me want to isolate myself further than usual. Ach well. Have great weekends folks, hold your pets close, or borrow someone else’s. Virtual belly rubs and ear scritches to all your furry friends who want them.

    • That photo and your description of your “little weirdo” has melted me heart a bit. =)

      • In my rush to comment I couldn’t find the other pics of her sleeping with her chin in stupid places sadly, maybe a good thing, she does it a lot and I get a little snap happy because it makes me laugh. If I could figure out how to do video I have super ones of her running about, she’s part whippet so she’s pretty pacy even in her old age. My snapchat is basically her snapchat (I don’t really get it) as is my Insta. ?

    • She is so sweet looking Dogs always want belly rubs and ear scruggles!! And a ” treat?”.

  23. This week has been so hard on so many of our tender little hearts, and so many of you need the gentlest of hugs. Beyond the daily atrocities on the news, it seems there are quite a few of us experiencing some kind of personal or professional distress as well. Thank you, Alaina, for putting some good into the world with PETS. Sometimes we need to focus on the sweetness, just for a second, just to get a breath.

    This is my beautiful, elderly girl. I’ve had her since she was the tiniest baby. She is a crankypants who hates to be touched, just like me. Other shared traits include: a general disdain for unnecessary loud noises, love of peanut butter, and very soft hair.

    And here is my weird baby Fraggle. He is a super-snuggle. When I shattered my wrist in September, he moved into my “nest” with me and never left my side. I adore his little fluff face and those crazy long ears.

    Thanks to all of you for your adorable animal photos. It really helps brighten up a tremendously dark day for me.

  24. My parents recently got a new puppy named Nugget. She’s the little brown miniature Australian Shepherd pictures above with Charlie, their other mini Aussie. They’ve been together for something like seven weeks and have formed a really tight bond already.

  25. When I was working at Home Depot, I considered myself the official greeter for all the dogs who had brought their owners to my store. I got to know a lot of them by their names…..from Great Dane to miniature poodle and all of the ones in between. Little did they know that they were the high light of my day , getting to pet them and talk to them.

    I guess I am a needy girl, cause I need that sweet, patient love of a drooly mouthed, waggy tailed, barky bark cuddle bunny dog who is always there to remind me that they are my bestest friend in the world.

    Thank you Sparkle…and Charlie …and Buck….and Rosie….and Cheyenne….and Badger. I will always love all of you.

      • Well, you are not SUPPOSED to……there is a sign. But no one every got stopped at my store, so we got to have fun!,? There were even a few dogs not on a leash walking along side their owner. Also, one guy had a team of 6 stair-stepped sizes of miniature Pinschers on a single leash…….hehe. That was hilarious, but they were well trained! Oh, and a huge bulldog named Max who rode on his owner’s flat cart, and dozed. He got to have a HD apron!!
        So load up your pup and head on down! Tell them Bae said it was OK!!

      • I have never personally brought MY dogs to either HD or Lowe’s, but one of my friends takes her dog every time we go in.

  26. I could use a pet right now. I love dogs and cats. I miss my sister’s cat Vicky. She has been the family cat for like 8 years and she knows how to use the human toilet!

    So my week has been a mixture of happiness, stress and sadness. I am happy because my fiancee and I got approved for a townhouse apartment and we move in September. This will be the first place that is not surrounded by drug dealers. But this place cost more and that is stressing us out . I know everything will be okay though. I am sad because of what happened in my city last night.

    The shooting of cops in my city of Dallas really shocked and disgusted me. I am very sad and so are a lot of us here. Violence never solves anything and now the tension and emotions are at an all time high here. I was happy that we had a non violent protest and that the cops were not harassing protesters. I have met a lot of officers and because my mother worked within the justice system, I had a lot of interaction with them. A lot of them are really nice and will help before even trying to hurt someone. I am so tired of people getting killed by cops too and it feels like there is nothing but blood being spilled instead of changes being made. This is so out of hand. No one slept much here last night. My doctor says she has several female minority cops come in for anxiety attacks and are ready to quit.

    Oh and my friend posted an emotional status on facebook about how she is tired of the killing and racism too as a white woman. I messaged her and told her that her post made me feel better because she was just as tired as I was. We had a long conversation like we used to when we would cuddle in bed. She took me by surprise though. She apologized for being silent and not vocalizing that she didn’t condone what happened in Orlando and other instances where race was a factor. She kept apologizing for white people not understanding the pain and then she apologized for being white. Not cool. My friend was hurting and it hurt me to know she felt that she thought she was hurting me. I made her feel better though and we had a good laugh.

    So I am very upset. My doc put me on some anti depressant so I am not sure how to feel about it. One of the side effects is decreased sex drive ?. I wonder if I can just lie about taking it.

    Be safe everyone. Let’s try to spread love and some understanding.

  28. The BLM protest at Toronto Pride is very much on my mind. I’m angry with people within the LGBT community who feel like what BLM did was alienating and inconsiderate, and what follows is my rant that is directed mostly towards those people… keeping in mind this fine line between awareness and exploitation

    Folks need to read, “Stone Butch Blues.” LGBT people were routinely, for decades, ending only in the last 2 decades, rounded up by police and raped, your-turn style, against the jail cells. It’s an ugly part of our history that people don’t talk about, and they should. We are talking about BLM as the asshole here because what they did was inconvenient and inconsiderate for a parade. Let’s take a step back, away from a parade that’s going to happen once a year always; a parade that takes place for the exact fact that we wanted to radically express that we weren’t going anywhere, rape or profiling, or firing from jobs or not. Let’s look at what is happening to people of colour in our lives, not just in the LGBT community. Let’s agree that what we have now is more recognition for what happened to LGBT people in the past, and look at how we think it’s important that we do this and stay connected because if it was them (LGBT people of the past), it could be us if we don’t keep pushing.

    These people, BLM, are connected to the past by their mothers, fathers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grannies and gramps… the pain is very close, and IT CONTINUES, UNACKNOWLEDGED, for themselves! Knowing this, the question is not about us having worked hard to build a relationship with the police, but the police working to build a relationship with us, which arguably we have had to put more effort in. Here’s a radical idea: why didn’t the police reach out to them prior to the parade to specifically apologise on behalf of the police department for their wrongs and ask what they could do to make this group more comfortable? If it’s just one day, why not extend themselves? Or acknowledge that their presence may be intimidating and threatening? Maybe they did, I don’t know, but perhaps the onus is on Toronto Pride to make the acknowledgement in a formal way, but it wouldn’t be politically correct.

    In a sense, I totally get the outrage that this was disrespectful to the whole crowd, but it fucking sucks that it’s not a wake up call that this is a plea for help and understanding that the police force really is that scary and life-threatening to people! If I were a person of colour, I would see it as inviting a hate group to my parade, and it’s up to the police to change our minds. I guess what I’m getting at is, we’re so concerned about our safe social bubbles and the status quo, that we don’t think about how real lives are being impacted in very real ways. So no, it’s not polite to crash a parade, and yes, there are ways to accomplish things using the system, but GUESS WHAT, the system doesn’t work with people of colour very well – the system has a long history of fucking with POC. If you were randomly slapped by someone you pass every day on the street corner, and had no other route to take, you think you’d reach to them for help? Let’s say that person goes for lots of therapy and sensitivity training, and it’s not always the case that they don’t want to slap you anymore, but they’re not *going to* because they’ve learned not to – even if that were the case, would you go to that person for help? Would you trust that they wouldn’t snap? No. Would you want them at your Pride parade without making a public statement that they have a history of slapping you, so it can be acknowledged and watched for? Probably not. That’s a very limiting statement, because of course we are the police. We vote and we stay quiet when things happen and we don’t all pick up the phone or send an email to our MP.

    It makes me sad that white folks feel there is no way to support the BLM movement. I felt that way for a long time, and I got caught in a shit storm where People Were Wrong On The Internet, and I was that person, and it was explained to me (here, on Autostraddle), as though to a child, that the way to support the movement is to let people of colour have the space to be angry, to publish their statements, to call out MPs when we see shit go wrong on TV, and to spread to word to other white folks that we need to just stop trying to take action and *listen*. BLM is asking for one thing, and we keep trying to give them something else. They’re a group of people who are finally allowed to be angry in public, after years of oppression. Let’s let them have their space and time to do that, no?

    MEANTIME:
    Concrete ways to be an actual ally to black people

    Also, some further perspective to share in case people are opening conversations about it and say things like, “If any movement was going to protest in Canada, it should be the Aboriginal community, because they receive much worse treatment.” They DO receive Grade A Shitty Treatment! It’s true! But, as in every colonized society, there is no shortage of shitty treatment to go around for non-white people! So what I’m doing is just sending this link as a reply, despite being published in The Star: https://www.thestar.com/opinion/commentary/2015/07/31/the-suffocating-experience-of-being-black-in-canada.html

  29. This week has been hard. I wish my dog, who is currently on the east coast with my parents, was out on the west coast with me. Even though it’s small, seeing pictures of all your pets and all the random adorable kittens and puppies helps soothe the soul.

    In related news, I’m giving a talk later this month on the coevolution of humans and dogs. It’s so cool that we have connections with species going back tens of thousands of years. Did you know that modern dogs raised around smiley people can actually mimic human smiles when they’re happy? Also, dogs’ dopamine spikes when they look at their humans.

    Did you also know that due to the squishing of pugs faces and skulls during their breeding process, pug brains have turned upside-down?? Pugs are actually backwards compared to wolves and most other dog species. Researchers are still trying to learn about the implications of having an upside down brain. Power to pugs for existing against the odds.

    Love to you all, AS community. <3

  30. This amazing and perfect furchild is my Squeakipeep. If you have a thing, it will be laid upon, especially if that thing is clothes. She is my sweet little buddy and makes me happy.

    I also have many other cat pix, including pictures of cats that aren’t even mine. Who wants to celebrate the almighty kitteh?

  32. Ehh, it kinda worked.

    I’m so glad that you chose pets as a theme this week. On top of all the general global shittiness, I’ve had an incredibly stressful week at work and needed some adorable pet pictures to cheer me up! Pets (especially dogs imho) are like instant therapy – there’s something about the cuddliness and the love that just makes everything feel better, even when it seems like the world is going to hell in a handbasket.

    My computer’s not cooperating with me right now so I can’t post pictures here, but if you click on the link I just posted it’ll take you to Oscar and co’s new Instagram page! My mom and I are co-running it, and between us we have a metric crapton of goofy, sweet wiener dog pictures to share. Smiles guaranteed.

    • Oh I’m following your dogs on Insta. They are just adorable. The amount of emergency cute I have required in the past week is vast.

  33. Monday on “Scream”, Noah confessed to Audrey that he thinks he loves her. Audrey responds back with, “I love you too, but not in that way.” Wellllllllllllllll, isn’t that the shoe on the other foot. A white male confesses he loves a queer girl, and she doesn’t love him that way.

  34. OMG. THAT RICKY VIDEO. Grumphy Humphrey was also pretty adorable.

    KITTENS. PUPPIES. Thanks for this.

  35. Okay, so, pets. I was locking up my bike outside a local grocery store when someone came by and tied up their dog near me. I grew up with cats, but this auburn-coat, floppy-eared pup made me flash a dumb grin. Like my faith in the universe was restored because that dog existed. And then it barked at some random other person over my shoulder. Record scratch. It was the loudest fucking bark I’ve ever heard. I think my dead grandparents heard that bark, buried six feet under in the Bay Area, 650 miles away. Still, though: adorable, handsome dog. Perhaps with superpowers.

    Another “dumb smile” and glee moment for me was actually last weekend. I was fed up with having no other women to share my cycling passion with and rode up to Portland’s bastion of awesome, bikes, ladies, and inclusiveness: Gladys Bikes. I figured if anyone would know about a truly trans-inclusive women’s cycling group in the area, they would. And they did.

    Coming out to people doesn’t bother me after a few years, but the looks of confusion about being simultaneously trans, female, queer, and butch really bum me out. Happy to report that that didn’t happen. Leah was brilliant to chat with. Since I walked in during a lull in business, we talked for a spell. I had forgotten what it felt like to be seamlessly treated and interacted with as though the “trans” part of being a woman was irrelevant. It was magical. And I will forever go out of my way to take my business to them.

  36. I’ve been on holidays for the past week up in Queensland, so that has been really nice :) We went snorkelling on the great barrier reef today which was amazing! I got really seasick on the way there though which wasn’t so great. It was also quite sad to see a fair amount of dead coral there. I really hope the government decides to make changes so that we don’t lose the reef. Unfortunately it looks like the coalition government will retain power so that could mean bad things for the reef (and also marriage equality and safe schools :/) I did get to vote for the first time last week which was exciting and the candidate I voted for is going to be our MP :)

    • I agree re: the election results but on the plus side, it looks like it’ll be a minority govt with a largely hostile senate. So while 3 more years of nastiness and general mismanagement are on the cards, the LNP won’t get life all their own way and a few scalps will be taken in the process.

      Our equal rights may end up being a winner too as the struggle might seem like the lesser of other evils to the Lib leader. Not the way I want it to happen but it may play out that way.
      Glad you enjoyed your first election. Keep being political, it’s the only way we get anything worthwhile.

  37. #BlackLivesMatter protests in London UK:
    Sunday 10th July 10am @ Oxford circus.
    Saturday 6th August 2pm @ Southwark park.

    Just heard about the army guy who shot cops..white supremacy trained him to kill civilians in Iraq and Afghanistan.. eg. Abu graib abuses .. guess he was trained to see violence as the answer.. now the media is mourning the cops..calling it “race hate” what he did.. they never called what Dylan roof did, or what police brutality does, “race hate”, they call that “tragedy” due to a “bad apple” or “mistake” but police are also trained to shoot to kill. Unfortunately what the army guy did..will make the public sympathise more for cops.. I’m white but ive never once had a good experience with cops..the media always calls them “heroes” and it’s taboo to criticise a dead cop.. if you dare to then inevitability someone joins the conversation whose relative is a cop and a “really nice guy” and shuts down the debate saying how dare you disrespect a hero who had a family and kids etc.. but BlackLivesMatter have condemned what the army guy did.. which is very big hearted in my opinion because personally I can’t stand cops. But I do not represent BlackLivesMatter atall, I just found out about the London protests so I thought I’d share the info. So please don’t judge blm for my comments as I am not a member of blm plus I am white so obviously this is just my two cents. The police role in society is just to oppress the poor and minorities in my experience. Although they do some good stuff like lock up pedophiles. although here in the uk they often helped cover up the crimes of celebrity pedophiles like Jimmy saville and the lost prophets singer guy.

  38. i just spent like 5 hours creating a tumblr zine, actually. (sidenote, if anyone wants to submit some lgbtq shakespeare essays/fiction, the bard is the first theme — it’s tumblr username riffzine). i’m super excited to read stuff people send in. reading and writing are always pretty therapeutic for me. obviously kitten videos work well too.

  39. Have you all noticed that dogs are just like your girlfriend….they always want to put their nose against you and smell you? ?

  40. This post reminded me just how excited I am to get a dog in the next few months. A bud and I are moving into a house together, where I’ll finally have a yard and enough space for a pooch, and I AM SO STOKED. I’ve had my eye on this gorgeous 2-year old pitbull terrier mix who’s been available from a rescue since February, and I’m planning on setting up a time to meet her when it’s closer to move-in date. :D

  41. Animals are the best.

    For the past several years, instead of adopting “from scratch” I have been taking in fosters, especially old lady cats who are ready to retire to a life of leisure and extreme snuggling.

    My current 19 year old new buddy (who just got here 2 weeks ago after a life on the road with her Original Person) has been settling in nicely. She has more energy than I do, so she has been doing a circuit between my lap, her food/water/scratching station, and foot patrol of the apartment.

    My previous Aged Beauty did laps back and forth in my hallway, to keep her blood moving. When that got too difficult, she liked to lie on her back and hunt a bouncing toy from that position. So she would lie on one end of the bed and I would sit on the other and dangle the “cat dancer” and she would lunge and capture it while semi-reclining on her side or totally upside down on her back. Decrepitude does not have to be boring!

    I live in a teeny non-town, where we have an annual “Old Home Day” on the Common, and every year there is a chicken in a little red wagon who participates in the parade. That is my favorite part of the whole event. We also tend to have a lot of women on horseback (I’ve yet to see a man on horseback in our parade and I don’t know why that is, but it makes me happy). One year, the theme of the day was animals, and someone created an octopus costume for their car. I am so grateful to live here.

    I am stuck in bed a large percentage of the time, and now and then I will have a grasshopper or other wild creature of the tiny variety visit me — I don’t know how they get into my bedroom, maybe a faulty screen somewhere. One day there was a grasshopper who sat with me for a long time. Eventually I gave it a little bit of the food from my tray and we ate a nice meal together.

    I also like the animals I see through my window.

    This year, there is a fox who goes by a few times a week, trotting along as though in a big hurry (no, it’s not a dog– I know the difference).

    Another year, there was a family of a dozen or so turkeys who would walk by going southwest in the morning and then they would head back northeast in the evening, every day.

    In the yard, I have been photographing all the different types of bees and dragonflies and other creatures who appear. We had a hummingbird who would visit the flowers I planted, and sometimes when I was sitting in the grass taking photos, she got very close.

    These are the moments I live for.

    Also, humans often think other species are less intelligent than we are, but I’m pretty sure that’s a hilarious and tragic projection.

    One summer, a small spider spun a gigantic web about 6 feet tall and wide, which blocked the walkway that went between my area of yard and the neighbor’s. The neighbor at that time was someone I found very difficult to deal with, and I thought to myself: this spider is sending out a barrier between me and that person.

    Years ago, I lived in an apartment where I would sit in a chair by the window, with my cat on my lap, watching the activity on the street below. A spider with a couple of legs missing spun a lopsided web in the window corner, and we let her stay there. One day, a spider with all of its legs showed up and began trying to chase the original spider away. My cat saw this, stood up on her back legs, and pushed the new spider away with her nose. That bully spider ran like hell and never came back!

    • You are awesome for taking in senior dogs. Regular fostering is hard enough, but seniors are a whole other league. It’s so needed, though. So kudos to you.
      ~Owner of a “foster fail” 18-year-old Doxie :)

      • I take cats, not dogs (I love dogs, but don’t have the energy to walk them or a fenced yard to let them out in), but it’s turned out so far that the oldster kitties are actually way less trouble for me than the younguns, because they are less energetic and rambunctious.

        I’m a low (physical) energy person, and when I took a younger cat, she was so restless, that I found it exhausting trying to keep her amused and out of trouble. Young cats, though I love them, too, more often than the “retirees” need a lot of exercise and activity to keep them busy and not frustrated and bored.

        Sometimes there are medical issues with the oldsters, but I’m OK with doing that stuff (fluids, meds, special feedings, whatever). I’m very comfortable with those kinds of tasks.

        The only thing that’s really been hard is getting attached to them and having them die in a few years. Though when I raised other cats from kittens to dotage, that was also really painful when they eventually died. The death of a loved one is a bummer, however long or short they were in your life.

        Another good thing for me about this arrangement is actually that I don’t feel like I’m making a 20+ commitment, because when you take a cat who’s 19, she’s not going to live another 20 years. So it actually creates less anxiety for me in terms of my own longevity and stability (I’m 50 with multiple health and financial complications). And fostering has also meant there are other people in the background who I can call if I need help, which I never felt to the same degree when I adopted a cat from kittenhood to dotage on my own. So far I haven’t needed to call in the back-up, but it helps me to know it’s there if I need it.

        It’s really ideal for me right now.

  42. My poor dog is getting over the Forth of July fireworks, she always needs time after fireworks to get back her doggy chill. Last night she was okay for a walk, but not tonight and I don’t know why. Haven’t heard any last gasp of fireworks someone bought to many of.
    The wee cuddle beast that is no longer a fosterling at this point is still eating things she’s not supposed to and puking them up every once in a while, but as long as she has regular bowel movements etc. she’s supposedly fine.

    I felt pathetic whiny feelings about feeling things this week. About not being an awful seething misanthrope and crying while trying to chew my toast because many families will be not being having a joyful, festive Eid as certain awful warlords decided mass murder was great activity to be doing Ramadan.
    So I buried my self in [redacted] and sephardic folk music.
    That was my week.

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