FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: Can Somebody Tell Me How Dating Works?
Hi everyone! I’m Drew and this is my first time hosting the Friday Open Thread. If you met me at a party we’d probably get past pleasantries pretty quickly. I’d like to say it’s because I’m a good listener but it’s possible I’m just that annoying Tavi Gevinson Twitter character who hates small talk. Either way, hi, nice to meet you! Let’s talk about our personal lives!
I ended a three-and-a-half-year relationship back in February and so began three months of post-break up turmoil, excitement, and overall insanity. But now everything feels like it’s sort of leveling out and I’m realizing that I’m just… single? So, I’m asking: Can somebody tell me how dating works? Please?
I’m mostly joking (mostly!), but I do want to know how all of you approach dating. Do you online date? If you do which apps/sites do you use? What’s been your experience on them as queer people? If you don’t online date, how do you usually meet people? And, for everyone, what’s your dating style? How do you let people know that you like them? Do you tend to make first moves or do you wait for people to reach out to you? Do you enjoy the classic lesbian maybe-date or do you prefer more clarity going into a hangout?
I have questions!
Personally I’ve tried to start being more deliberate when I online date. My first few months on Tinder I used it like any other social media, compulsively swiping and checking. But I started feeling very bored with it and after a particularly bad date I deleted the app. I redownloaded it (classic!) but now I’m trying to only swipe right on people who I’d really, really be excited to match with. And to only open the app on occasion. I’m getting less ego boosts out of it, but hopefully it will waste less time and actually be useful.
I also generally prefer to be direct. I’ll play games with certain people, but for the most part if I’m interested I reach out and I text back quickly and I don’t worry about trying to seem aloof or anything. And I’ll go on one maybe-date with someone I meet in person, but if by the second time I’m still not sure I’ll just ask. New friends are good too and I’d rather know that’s what’s happening so I can adjust my expectations.
THAT SAID. I’m trying to figure out if my assertive approach to dating is true to me or if I just have muscle memory from years dating as a man! Part of me would love to be pursued and be swept off my feet and be kissed Lara in the locker room style. Anyone know how I can manifest this??
Also, I transitioned early in my last relationship so I’m dating for the first time as an out trans person. Which does present specific challenges! I don’t find it helpful, personally, to dwell too much on cis people who don’t date trans people (because trust me, there are plenty who do). But there are unique challenges (and joys maybe?) so if you’re trans I’d love to hear about your dating experiences that feel trans-specific!
Anyways, I need your help. Maybe you need my help. Let’s all hang out and give each other good and bad advice!
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