Hi hello and welcome to this week’s Friday Open Thread, your weekly spot to talk about anything and everything and especially about you. How are you doing, what are you feeling, what’s going on over there?
image by Rory Midhani
Sometimes things are going along and they’re pretty okay or they’re awful actually or they just simply are, and then sometimes things are just… stuck. There’s inertia. There’s limbo. You have to wait, but you’re not really sure what you’re waiting for.
Fall is a time for action and explosion and transition and moving forward and taking everything from the year so far and pushing it one step further, keeping what you like and leaving the rest. But it seems like, talking to friends, this year it’s also a time for feeling uncomfortable and stuck and like all there is to do is sit and swim around in the dark. There’s inertia. There’s limbo. There’s reloading inboxes a million times or looking at the someone-is-typing dots only to have them vanish or rolling a problem over endlessly with no clear solution. There are plans without execution. There’s hope but it’s hard to tell what it’s for. There’s work, but no idea of what it’s pointing towards.
everything is fine
So this week, I want to talk about what you do when you’re stuck, or when you can’t control anything, or when you need to just dive completely into yourself — not as a way to block out the world, but as a way to find a way forward within it. How do you feel your feet on the ground and your breath in your body? How do you move yourself forward even when you’re stuck? How do you ask yourself questions so that life doesn’t ask them for you? Tell me your coping mechanisms and I’ll tell you mine. (Mostly mine involve screaming in nature and weeping in public and learning to be patient and still.)
Or just tell me about that neat dinner you made for yourself or how your cat is or what your nails look like today or that sharp new haircut or that thing at work or school or home that you really want to brag or bitch (or both?) about or anything else! Be right where you are. And then let’s talk about it.
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When I am not in control of certain things I either just go to the restroom for a breather or just fucking deal with it. Or if it’s a Sunday go hiking and try to clear my mind. The later kind of works as hiking lets me think and clams me as does a good dip in the Pacific. That and a nice warm torta, burrito, or fried tofu also can help.
Right now I am at home waiting for people to come over to finish installing the new floors. Right now they are an hour late and if I knew that I’d be using the day off time to take a power morning nap and hope to finish the positive dream I had. I was 10lbs lighter, had long flowing hair, and found a great deal on a watch and shirt combo that screamed queer gal is in the area. Oh well, at least the Price is Right is on. On the plus side this at least gets me prepared for the for the fast starting tonight for Yom Kippur, and whole day spent in a straight Shul.
Sunday on the other hand, I will be probably be going to Queers, Coffees, and Donuts event at The Planet(Cuties Coffee), and then probably to the Amber Rose’s annual Slut Walk to see the Maggie West exhibit with a couple of lgbtq ladies. So, not all my weekend will be around straight people. It be nice to meet more queer/lbt Jews though.
I spent a good portion of my Sunday hiking and then taking a dip in the Pacific. The weather was nice, and I was on the trail by myself, which kind of was a surprise cause I usually see people on the trail. I also went to store to return something and the woman didn’t look like a fan of my forest green lipstick, her loss.
View from my hike.
Flowers still in bloom.
Thank you for viewing and reading my post. Have a positive weekend! And if you are fasting have a safe & easy fast, Shalom.
I am so with you on the “just fucking deal with it” approach.
Oops wrong picture posted(mods can you fix plz).
side note I just spent the last few minutes searching for my house keys could not find then. They were attached to a small flash drive that had some documents backed up and a hidden folder with some queer adult material lets just say. Who ever found the keys enjoy the videos?
Sunday hiking is so keyyyyyy
It very much is, as is keeping hydrated. I need to find more straddlers to hike with, cause I can’t be the only lbtq person queering up hikes. lol
Your hike looks so beautiful! Getting to walk that sounds like great motivation for just getting shit done. Good luck with the floors and the fasting!
Thank you. Yes, the hike was mostly beautiful.
Honestly, my coping mechanisms involve reading cheesy lesbian romance novels/fanfic, and watching mindless funny stuff on YouTube. Cuddling also helps.
With that said, things have been going really well. My wife and I had a talk that ended up addressing a few problems in our relationship, and it’s really helped a lot (for example, turns out I’ve been using too much pressure when I caress her, which was easy enough to fix…on a related note, this and a whole bunch of other things has prompted me to see if I can evaluated for adult dyspraxia).
On an even more positive note, I survived my first committee for my PhD! And it went really well! And they’re all excited about my research! So yay!
I’m so glad to hear about your committee meeting! And about your conversation with your wife!
Also circling back to ask for your cheesy romance recommendations
I was just catching up on email, searching for something to watch on Netflix, like I’m not just going to watch Carol again.
Last night I got back from my trip to Maine. I met a lot of cool dogs at Acadia National Forest. Some of them had cool parents too. However, I do have to point out that every time someone asked me where I was from, I quickly followed North Carolina with “I’m not a Trump supporter”. My nails are in bad shape. I’m actually about to lose a toenail. Not sure what happened, I don’t remember hurting it. But I did do a lot of trails and boulder climbing so who knows. I’m going to skip adding a picture of it, you are welcome. On our way back we drove through Washington D.C. We stopped at the Holocaust museum. I don’t think I can put into words what that experience was like but I can say it reminded me that I matter and that it’s important to never give up the fight against evil. So the museum pushed me out of the complacency and I am energized again. Now I’m trying to pin down specific goals for myself.
In addition to catching up on my email, I have to catch up on all the Autostraddle articles I missed. So that’s what I’m doing today.
✨??
My usual go-to when feeling overwhelmed is a burrowing my head into my cat’s belly until he can’t take it anymore.
Feeling stuck is a whole other situation, and one I’m all to familiar with. Ennui is my default state of late.
Forcing myself to unplug and scheduled creativity usually help keep it down, if I manage to make myself do it.
A surprising new strategy has been Tai Chi. I’ve been curious about it, but always thought it looked pretty boring, and was for old people. However, a university study came up near work, where they offered 8 lunch time classes for free. So I though, why not?
Turns out, it actually IS pretty boring. BUT, that’s a good thing. I move just enough to distract my mind, but little enough that it can still wander and alight onto passing thoughts.
5 classes in, I had at least 2 occasions of brilliant ideas or visions.
The first one, was the perfect plan for a console table that I want to build. Not that exciting, I know. But before, I had spent hours sketching dissatisfying ideas that were just not going to work. This one appeared in an instant.
This week, I had a vision. I was high atop a hill, amid the clouds. The clouds drifted aside, and I saw a road winding down the hill, and ending at a flag.
I had been feeling so directionless, and suddenly I felt like the fog had lifted, and I had a goal.
I still don’t know what that goal is! But now I feel reassured that there is one, and the path is clear for me to reach it.
Oh and weekend plans are the usual: Hours and hours of home renovation work, collapsing into bed, and maybe a couple hours of Sunday Funday to cap it off.
Hopefully this weekend’s reno work will include something fun, like getting started on our dining room table. We purchased a nice slab of cedar, live edges intact. I need to sand it, fill the worm holes with resin, and add some swanky hairpin legs.
That sounds rad!
Yoga does the same thing for me – I can either let my mind sink in and go mostly blank, or I can use the energy to fuel my ideas. It’s the perfect way to get out of your head while going deeper into your head, if that makes sense.
I usually get a drastic haircut, never learn to cut your own hair, you will do it too often.
✂️✂️✂️✂️✂️
I hate the stuck feeling. It’s dogged me my whole life, or at least my whole adult life…come to think of it, I don’t remember feeling this way nearly so often before/during college. My main strategy for it is, at least to get me going in the moment, just do ONE thing. It can be a really little thing. It can be a dumb thing, like “do a load of laundry”. Even if it doesn’t get me totally unstuck, even if nothing else comes of it, I have at least done that thing.
For the grander problem of persistent stuckness, I try to indulge in a task that’s productive but that I genuinely like. It may not be the thing I’m “supposed” to do, but it is something valuable to me. I wrote SO MUCH of my fiction series in China while my fieldwork was hung up. Now I’m probably going to swap in tasks like learning/practicing with R or getting back into guitar. And if all else fails, I just go harass the cat.
“doing one thing” is such a great strategy
hi honeys!
this is sort of a relevant conversation, because I thought we were having our baby in 2.5 weeks, but actually, we are getting induced in like, 4 more days. (though it was gonna be yesterday, it gratefully was not) So like, all the anticipation, a strict directive to relax, and a finite amount of time to take care of shit. I’ve gotten a fair amount of sleep but still feeling pretty weird and disoriented with how up in the air everything is.
when things are sort of murky and not-great or clear, I think with things like that I tend to do a lot of feeling my way through things, and refrain from making any huge decisions like moves or tattooes or whatever (I think probably because I often feel this way right after a huge decision) and I often attempt to establish small routines of like, what kind of breakfast I have in the morning, or going for a walk at a certain time every day.
I am usually cautious about integrating new folks in, but try to see my old friends semi-regularly, and do a lot of checking in with myself throughout the day about things like what kind of things I’m drawn to in this particular phase- whether it’s flavors or certain kinds of people or how I like to dress or what work I’m motivated to do- vs things I’m aversive to- ways of being communicated with or sensations that I maybe typically like or whatever.
Also trying to allow for both stretching and changing and movement and also allowing myself to seek comfort after doing hard things for respite before doing the next hard thing.
In other news, I have to go call insurance companies to figure out some things, and I’m super scared to do it! But after that I’m gonna go for a walk and watch the queer ghost hunters youtube channel.
happy weekend, loves. next week we might have a baby!
Good luck with the baby! Keep us posted!
OMG!
So excited for you!
Keeping my fingers crossed and a few extra happy hugs in store for your family!!!
Congratulations on the immanent infant! It sounds like they’re headed into a world with cool parents who are able to make scary phone calls, which is an impressive skill. Good luck with finishing everything up.
Best of luck! I’m a few years into parenting and I remember that raw excitement/anxiety/incredibly deep love like it was yesterday. So intense. Sending so many good vibes your way.
I’m so excited for you, GOOD LUCK!!!
My cat keeps sleeping on top of her own head.
That’s pretty much what’s happening in my world.
love it
I’m…bad at coping? I’ve been stuck at my parent’s home since graduation working on applications and cover letters and getting lots of rejections and I feel incredibly stuck. My normal coping strategy is basically retreating into fiction, but on the long term it tends to make things worse.
Other strategies that have mixed success rates: playing very loud music, writing myself inspiring messages on my hands, forcing myself to retreat to another room every time I get something done and select my next activity away from the computer.
yes loud music yesssss
As a GIANT ball of anxiety, my every-day is full of planners and lists, and when I feel stuck, it can either turn into more-super-anxiety-list-making mode, or detailed plans and goals mode. Lately I’ve forced myself into the detailed plans/goals, where I sit for a bit and think about all the things I want to accomplish (no timeline) and then break it down into categories, and then create steps for achieving them. I learned this from my Passion Planner, with a few adjustments, and it works really well for me (their 2018 Kickstarter ends tomorrow!!)
For bigger, life-stuck things, I’ve been turning to tarot, and using a Bridge Spread to break it down. Usually it involves deep thinking about the cards I’ve drawn and what they mean- and whether you believe in it or not, the thinking aspect of this exercise forces you to think about life things relating to the card (look up Little Red Tarot bridge spread).
Link in case anyone is interested:
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/angeliatrinidad/passion-planner-eco-growing-together/description
Goes for another 6 hours from when this is posted. :)
I got a for real actual not google diagnosis for what the hell is going on with my skin, and it was what google and wiki told me it was, dermatographia. My skin is like “what was that, pressure? HISTAMINE” and I’m like “Oh! Shit! Itchy!” and it is like “NO!!! MORE PRESSURE! HISSSSTAMIIIIINE” and I’m like “AAHHHH” Until I make myself stop, endure both the itchiness and then the burning that happens after until that part of my skin isn’t itchy any more. Then it’s my arms. Or my head. Or my back. Or my legs. And it kind of just cycles.
I’ve had it for years, with 0 reason why I didn’t actually make an appointment. Other than the fact that I had an experience with a doctor where I had put something else off, and they were all “this is the worst case of this I’ve ever seen” and I was like “THAT IS SO EMBARRASSING! Clearly the way to cope with this is to never go to this doctor again, or any.” Plus antihistamines took care of it?
Anyway. Yesterday was the start of Yom Kippur, and my Doctor was rushing to get out. But he still stopped and talked to me, and explained what was happening. And told me I probably shouldn’t get a tattoo until this is all taken care of (so probably never, based on the last 8 years). He also sent me to learn about an injection every four weeks that would take care of this itching that I could do if I wanted, but it is expensive and antihistamines would probably help so he recommended those first.
He also tested my back, talked for a while while I squirmed and tried not to scratch, then took a picture and was like “this is pretty severe.” Then he said that he doesn’t accept itchiness, and that I shouldn’t either.
Which was like… Kind of mind blowing? It’s just itchiness. I mean, it does impact my sleep (waking up madly scratching really sucks) and people notice that my skin gets really red and comment on it, and I am spending part of my time going “ignore that, don’t scratch”. So it is impacting my life, but not as much as things people around me are going through, so it’s nice to have permission to take care of it? You know? Even if it isn’t debilitating pain or something?
So now I have a blood test scheduled for today, and this is the one thing I have legit panic attacks over. Well, I think legit? This isn’t diagnosed, but I’ve tried to give blood twice and passed out each time… As they were testing my blood type. It’s like, a pin prick. But that means that later they’ll be sticking a needle in my arm and taking my blood and I’ll see it leaving me and and and…
I’ll have to talk to the people at the clinic, and be like… Can I sign something so you can just take it if I pass out? Because I’ll probably pass out. Not looking doesn’t help, I feel faint and the world closes in on me and then I’m waking up crying because my mom has needed so much blood and I just want to help someone else’s mom.
But I really want to get these tests done, because that means that it really is just what I thought and not something more serious. So like, just take it?
Ahhhhhh. I’m also not taking the new antihistamines YET because one of the possible side effects is drowsiness and I’m going to see a My Favourite Murder live show tonight with friends (and apparently my boss?) and I’ve been looking forward to this for months, I don’t want to sleep through it.
I haven’t taken an antihistamine for over two weeks. I’m just sitting here with my hands resolutely on the keyboard so I don’t just scratch everything. AH.
I’m so excited to be able take an antihistamine every day. I was basically taking them when I couldn’t sleep, because what consequences are there for taking an antihistamine every day? The packaging says talk to your doctor. :C Maybe this will mean that I will be sleeping better, and I will start feeling better.
I’m also happy I could fill the prescription yesterday, because my insurance starts again tomorrow. So I snuck in under the deadline! Yeah!
… I need to find people in my life I feel comfortable sharing these things with, because this was really long. Sorry. Have a funny tweet:
https://twitter.com/tederick/status/913468965980123136
XD
planners and lists planners and lists planners and listssssssssss
I’m also forever into using tarot for that exact reason – “this is an excuse to think about these themes and how I apply them to what’s happening tells me about how I feel about what’s happening”
So my coping mechanism is usually avoidance by the way of alcohol…but now it just got even better because my best friend just gave me this can holder for my birthday! ?
My other coping mechanism is shibari….as someone who finds it impossible to stop moving, it forces me to be still and makes me aware of myself.
Hope everyone has a great weekend ?
Second try with the photo…
That is a great can holder to match that great gay attitude!
You actually made my day with the great gay attitude comment ?
a+ for shibari as coping mechanism, excellent work
my anxiety is horrible right now (bc grad school), like, worst it’s ever been. i haven’t figured out the right coping mechanisms to actually do the things I need to do, but I’m staying more or less whole. yoga helps a bit in the thing-i’m-actually-getting-somewhere-with-unlike-my-writing sort of way, and I’m feeling sort of strong for the first time ever. I actually held an arm balance for the first time yesterday (Crow), so that’s cool.
Your arm balance sounds super cool! I’ve been finding that physical stuff works really well for me, especially when my brain is overworked, because it’s doing a thing without having to think about the thing in the same way.
Hey pals,
My coping strategies are mostly just identifying shit i cant control, and then talking about it endlessly. Its hard for the other person because all they can say is ‘well you’ll have to wait and see’ but i think its just how i process the things that worry me.
Right now i have a cough and a cold and im feeling super sorry for myself. Welcome to autumn, we have viruses.
?
I was in a really stuck anxiety limbo place for a few weeks, and then last weekend I did a few planning things to figure out how I could do all the fun stuff and not fun stuff going on this weekend. Which meant I had already planned stuff for my weird chunks of time that aren’t structured, so I just did those things as much as I could, like Wednesdays are weird and open but this Wednesday I wrote half a paper and applied to a job. And I’ve fairly on track with it all, so I’m going to keep doing that plan the week out thing on Sunday and hope that by scheduling my loose free time I’ll be able to have more fun free time. Like next weekend, I got the chance to go see Fun Home with some people from my grad program and slightly discounted tickets, so I need to plan to get reading done before that so I actually have the time to go! Cause I need to go, I’ve been hearing about it so much and its in town and I just can’t wait!!!
That seems like a really good plan!
My friends recommended running so.much (for mental health) that I actually managed to start doing it this year and it’s really helped me out a few times.
At one point I had so much to power through and overexercised, so that I hurt ligaments, on a treadmill, inside, which is quite a feat.
But now, I actually look forward to just put on some great, thumping music and rage on a treadmill for a good little while tomorrow.
My head needs to untangle itself for a little bit.
I envy those people who can just quietly walk on a treadmill for half an hour.
I’ll glance over at them, face beet red, sweat running down my face, heartrate way too high, breathless, and I’ll be a little jealous.
I used to dance like that. Throw back some shots, and dance all night, close and sweaty and hot, until the first light and even after.
But I can’t deal with drinking and partying like that anymore, so, to the gym it is.
If I can’t deal with the world due to exhaustion,not conflict, I’ll crawl into fanfiction for a couple of days and not answer my phone or do anything else people do, like eat regular meals and sleep.
Internal mini vacations.
Speaking of…have a good weekend everyone!
Man do I love those endorphins. It can be such a good coping strategy.
sameeeee
Coping mechanism make me think of something far more planned than what feel like compulsions to me but fall under coping mechanism I think.
1) the oldest and once neglected “just dance, it’ll be okay” when I was ostracized (probably depressed) elementary schooler I’d loose myself in Ricky Martin, OST Tarzan, Britney and Christina. And find catharsis in OST Hunchback of Notre Dame
Right now at the end of the week I pick a song and dance to it
last week was Florence and the Machine- Blinding
This week I did something a little different I danced along to this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5F84RSDBY1c
fell on my butt, laughed, and continued the best I could till the very end
2) Came up with it post high school “leisure bath and snack by candlelight” started as cramp relief and became a near meditative ritual.
I take a snack or dessert I can eat with wet hands and eat slow as fuck while I soak in a warm bath like some kind of sovereign by candlelight. I clear my mind and focus on my delicious snack or how lovely my skin looks in the water and candlelight. It’s the most loving positive act of vanity I can do.
3) I don’t know how to sum it up without sounding like I’m possessed, dissociative or something but here it goes: I get a compulsion to make vocalizations usually it’s galdrkona stuff (rune singing), other times it just random extended constants or vowels.
It feels like something is trying to break free and I’m channeling it, been told it looks that way too because my whole body gets in on the sounds I’m making.
I just get lost in it, aware of my movements yes but the world falls away and there’s only what is happening in that moment.
I like to do anything that engages my mind or gets me to focus on the present like working out, video games, or reading. Doing these types of things allow me to feel connected to the world and other people because someone put in all this effort into creating that game or writing that book and a whole bunch of people are connecting with these things the same way I am. Focusing on something gets me out of my head where I may become too aware of my problems and allow them to become bigger than they are.
Once I focus on just existing, I become compassionate towards myself and others because we’re all just existing and just doing that can be hard. I have given up expecting too much from myself and others and I try to make peace with things I cannot control. When I am stuck, I have faith that I will become unstuck because I always do no matter how hopeless or lost I have gotten in the past.
“Focusing on something gets me out of my head where I may become too aware of my problems and allow them to become bigger than they are.” <-- writing this down
I don’t have a great set of coping mechanisms but I got dumped pretty early on in this month with no warning so I’ve been rapidly assembling some. I take hot showers and cry, which is cathartic, and I’ve been chanting “light above me, light below me” as some sort of mantra? It kinda just popped into my head and it’s awfully easy to just slip into a chanting rhythm rather than crying. Dua Lipa is helping me out with some impassioned dancing. I also dyed my hair. Sometimes I dig holes and lie in them.
show us your hair though
most of my personal crises happen in relation to my academic life — like, getting stuck on a paper and feeling like this is it, i’ve finally run out of the luck i was running on and i *actually* have no skill or talent whatsoever — so my favorite coping mechanism is re-reading an old paper that i won an award for to remind myself a) what my writing voice sounds like, b) how to ping ideas around in my brain and think about a text and c) to remind myself that i *am* good at this and i *do* know what i’m doing, since the paper i won the prize for is a paper i thought was total shit when i turned it in so whatever bad feelings i have about my work are probably imposter syndrome and dunning-kruger effect, not a real reflection of my abilities, and i should chill out.
on a lighter note, I WENT ON A DATE. a real date with a real live lesbian, which means i am not the only one in my city/the world! (it was starting to feel that way.) she’s so smart and pretty (red hair, blue eyes, pixieish) and she plays guitar and sings and wow. it was great. i want to see her again. holy moly.
also my shakespeare professor is kinda babely and i showed up hungover to the first lecture for my english grammar class, which i feel is very on-brand for me.
You are definitely not the only one in the world! But also I am so excited for you!!!
I thought I ask here, but I just got an email from gofundme saying the money I donated to the woman’s march was refunded back to me. Google searched it and nothing. Is this legit? If so, is there a reason I am getting a refund?
The venue I am hosting the safe space meditation says I have to charge, so I’m charging $10 (the suggested price). I am upset because I was not aware I had to charge and that makes me feel like I am monetizing a safe space. Although I already have ALL my materials put together so I am going through with this, but I am kind of upset I was not informed until I got to the end of the process that I had to charge. Does anyone have any thoughts on this so I feel less shitty? Because I am a little bit pissed right now.
On the bright side I bought a cute fish bag from a chinese latern fest at my local botanical gardens. It makes me so happy cause I love me some fish aesthetic.
Hi! That really sucks that you only found out about charging at the end. Is there any way you could make it sliding scale with $10 as the median price? That could make it more accessible while also obeying the rules. Does the venue get the money? If not, maybe some of it could go towards setting up a truly free space, or even just supporting some of the attendees who are in a tight spot. I hope the meditation goes well, and that you get to keep finding cute fish items! Fish are adorable
@helenanothelen
The event coordinator suggested $10 so I went with it. I am going to try and make the meditation a little bit more about community and making and make it worth ten dollars. Not that it wasn’t good before. I actually have some good activities planned. I’m not sure if I should donate the money or keep it because I took the time to put the whole event together and actually need the money.
The venue gets 25% of the profits.
Charis Melina has a goddess mentorship program and charging money actually weeds out the people who are serious from the slackers, so maybe the safe space will be kind of like a gay mentorship program. I am going to see if I can make this an everymonth thing and expand the idea.
I’m just thinking right now…
Hi it is okay that your time is worth money just btw.
hi! Infrequently commenter but constant reader. When I get overwhelmed I try to take a walk, distract with my phone or a book, doodle, or (shockingly) process my feelings, usually with my partner or a friends, sometimes my family. I’m having a pretty nice week but just got caught in a worry trap and have a few quick questions. Is anyone familiar with Vera Whole Health? I’m at a small college and they’re our new on campus health provider. Their ads around school have rainbow symbols with the usual catchphrases about serving ALL of our valued community equally uwu. Which. Cool. But I cannot find anything on their website about queer specific health care and it’s frustrating. I just want to know going in if my new doc is gonna respect my pronouns or if it’s gonna be a whole long conversation just to get a few rxs renewed. Oh well.
The rest of my week has been good! I’m enjoying my classes and really into my new job. My office is full of wonderfully snarky candy lovers and we’re already decorating for Halloween. My partner and I are going shopping this weekend to find a few cheap pieces for our Aziraphale and Crowley costume, then going to a comic book club for women and gender queer people!
It’s feeling important to focus on the good parts of my life, so that I don’t get overwhelmed by the news. It took a while, but I’m learning to value what and who I love, so I have enough energy to keep perusing activism and my eventual degree in public policy. That’s the main thing that keeps me going when I’m overwhelmed. There is so much good work I want to do, and it can outweigh the worry if I let it.
THAT IS SUCH A GREAT COSTUME. Did you find the pieces? How are they coming together?
I hope whatever bad you all are going through passed quickly and whatever good lingers longer! To be honest I have pretty bad coping mechanisms these days. As I finished school eating was my biggest one and now that Ive graduated college I fear grad school will be even more of a problem. I use to be this fit runner lifter type but I stopped a while back and have become frustrated how hard it is for me now. Mostly I read. Every Autostraddle article, the New York Times (when I was to force myself to realize I cant hide from the world), books. When Im depressed I watch horror movies. Its a habit I picked up when I was greatly depressed but now its sort of comforting. Lists and plans make me feel more in control and I also have a passion planner I got this year after reading about them in an AM/PM article here. Have a good weekend guys!
Lists! Lists can be so great, although personally sometimes they go to a “lists about the lists to make” kind of place and then I start to need a coping mechanism for that too
I have oddly gotten way better at this since becoming a parent. I slipped mood-wise the first year and then it hit me hard that there was so little space for innui/stuckness. Indulging in it before kids brought something to my life but dag it takes up a lot of time. So now it’s “ok I have 2 hours after bedtime before I hit a wall and I better walk/talk to a friend on the phone/watch something i genuinely enjoy/do some yoga” or else that sliver of time goes away forever and I find myself slipping into a pit quickly.
I’m trying to change too much at once now. I need a different job; my current job is awesome for my life right now but I won’t be able to afford to work there with a second kid, if I manage to conceive/carry as planned.
There are a lot of things with home/my relationship with my spouse/job I’m not quite happy with so I have made moves to change them but the pace that things are moving is a little wild. I’ve just been simply keeping the cogs moving for a few years so these changes are exhilarating but scary.
It takes so much time! Your strategy of limiting the time to feel those feelings in is super smart
I think I’m going to try embedding vids until I finally do it by attempting one post per FOT
this one is supposed to be Tash Sultana- Jungle (live bedroom recording)
If anyone needs there work critiqued/ given a good look over maybe contact me??
https://www.fiverr.com/k62962/assess-your-piece-for-voice-grammar-and-flow
If you have money for b&w printing write up a brief of what you do and how to contact you, check if local universities or even community colleges see if they have a place or space you’d be allowed to pin up a notice or ad.
Also see if they have like online message or pin boards for tutoring if they’d allow to directly link to your fivver.
Cause posting in a community open thread isn’t likely to net you anything.
But I understand trying.
THANKS! I always love feedback. I was thinking of hanging up flyers at my university, but I just finished my account today.
A black and white print up? Post that on my Fiverr as well or just in community message boards?
Cause I already have the details of what I do on my Fiverr page.
Anything affordable but still legible, brief, and to the point of what services you provide how to contact you what should be on your flyer.
Basic ad design for a service or product goes like:
Call to action (think what makes you pay attention to an offer, what looks like a good offer)
the thing
Contact info
Don’t post a pdf of a flyer on a message board because people are lazy, and don’t post a wall of text either use soft returns(pressing enter/return and the shift key at the same time).
Does your uni have place where people look for postings of stuff?
Like textbooks, tutor offers, local events, furniture for sale, off campus roomie wanted.
I’m going to look thanks!
In a transition phase (thanks autumn!) involving moving cities, and I’m hoping and planning to build queer community around myself in my destination home, so that I can get a bit of the magic of Autostraddle in my offline world.
That’s so exciting @twoshoes! Where are you moving from/to?
Thanks for asking @carolyn – Bristol to York – it feels like a great opportunity :)
i came out to a whole bunch of extended family yesterday to tell them about my gay wedding next year, and against all my expectations, they all reacted so sweetly. they hugged and congratulated me, and said they’re happy for me. after some not-so-stellar responses from my parents (who are still deeply uncomfortable with the whole dating-girls-thing) over the last months, this was the breath of fresh air i needed. it feels SO GOOD. it shouldn’t matter so much – i’m not super close to them, they live in a conservative rural area, but i could feel that their reaction meant more to me than i would have thought. i can already tell this is such a WEIGHT off my heart, that i don’t have to hide this part of me at family get-togethers, that i don’t have to be awkwardly silent when the conversation moves to boyfriends, that i will get to celebrate this wedding with my family next year and they will come and be happy for me like it’s not a big deal, but IT IS A BIG DEAL.
just needed to share this in a space that i thought would be able to understand this feeling. i learned that sometimes you have to give people the chance to surprise you <3
<3 I am so happy everything went well for you! It is a huge deal!!!
Congratulations on both your upcoming wedding and also on the success of your announcement to your extended family. This should go part way too, to helping your parents adjust better to your coming out. A lot of good things become more possible with time.
It is a big deal!
Congrats!
Congratulations!!! You must feel so much better and lighter, I’m so excited you get to celebrate in that way!
omg I fail at autostraddle. Hopefully this will be its own comment, could someone please delete the reply to Ruby?
Reposting it because I didn’t want it hidden. Sorry!
I got a for real actual not google diagnosis for what the hell is going on with my skin, and it was what google and wiki told me it was, dermatographia. My skin is like “what was that, pressure? HISTAMINE” and I’m like “Oh! Shit! Itchy!” and it is like “NO!!! MORE PRESSURE! HISSSSTAMIIIIINE” and I’m like “AAHHHH” Until I make myself stop, endure both the itchiness and then the burning that happens after until that part of my skin isn’t itchy any more. Then it’s my arms. Or my head. Or my back. Or my legs. And it kind of just cycles.
I’ve had it for years, with 0 reason why I didn’t actually make an appointment. Other than the fact that I had an experience with a doctor where I had put something else off, and they were all “this is the worst case of this I’ve ever seen” and I was like “THAT IS SO EMBARRASSING! Clearly the way to cope with this is to never go to this doctor again, or any.” Plus antihistamines took care of it?
Anyway. Yesterday was the start of Yom Kippur, and my Doctor was rushing to get out. But he still stopped and talked to me, and explained what was happening. And told me I probably shouldn’t get a tattoo until this is all taken care of (so probably never, based on the last 8 years). He also sent me to learn about an injection every four weeks that would take care of this itching that I could do if I wanted, but it is expensive and antihistamines would probably help so he recommended those first.
He also tested my back, talked for a while while I squirmed and tried not to scratch, then took a picture and was like “this is pretty severe.” Then he said that he doesn’t accept itchiness, and that I shouldn’t either.
Which was like… Kind of mind blowing? It’s just itchiness. I mean, it does impact my sleep (waking up madly scratching really sucks) and people notice that my skin gets really red and comment on it, and I am spending part of my time going “ignore that, don’t scratch”. So it is impacting my life, but not as much as things people around me are going through, so it’s nice to have permission to take care of it? You know? Even if it isn’t debilitating pain or something?
So now I have a blood test scheduled for today, and this is the one thing I have legit panic attacks over. Well, I think legit? This isn’t diagnosed, but I’ve tried to give blood twice and passed out each time… As they were testing my blood type. It’s like, a pin prick. But that means that later they’ll be sticking a needle in my arm and taking my blood and I’ll see it leaving me and and and…
I’ll have to talk to the people at the clinic, and be like… Can I sign something so you can just take it if I pass out? Because I’ll probably pass out. Not looking doesn’t help, I feel faint and the world closes in on me and then I’m waking up crying because my mom has needed so much blood and I just want to help someone else’s mom.
But I really want to get these tests done, because that means that it really is just what I thought and not something more serious. So like, just take it?
Ahhhhhh. I’m also not taking the new antihistamines YET because one of the possible side effects is drowsiness and I’m going to see a My Favourite Murder live show tonight with friends (and apparently my boss?) and I’ve been looking forward to this for months, I don’t want to sleep through it.
I haven’t taken an antihistamine for over two weeks. I’m just sitting here with my hands resolutely on the keyboard so I don’t just scratch everything. AH.
I’m so excited to be able take an antihistamine every day. I was basically taking them when I couldn’t sleep, because what consequences are there for taking an antihistamine every day? The packaging says talk to your doctor. :C Maybe this will mean that I will be sleeping better, and I will start feeling better.
I’m also happy I could fill the prescription yesterday, because my insurance starts again tomorrow. So I snuck in under the deadline! Yeah!
… I need to find people in my life I feel comfortable sharing these things with, because this was really long. Sorry. Have a funny tweet:
https://twitter.com/tederick/status/913468965980123136
XD
Hello I am LATE because this thread doesn’t neatly open right as I take my lunch break anymore
I have no answers to your questions. I sleep a lot and cry a lot and self hate spiral and then delete my social media accounts and throw out all my unfinished art projects that are making me guilty and vow to start anew or to bury myself alive or to actually commit to either being a healthy person or killing myself
I wouldn’t recommend it, long term
Queer meditation in Charlotte!
https://www.the-bag-lady.biz/lgbtq-meditation.html