Fresh Meat, Crispay: Get To Know Your Newest Contributing Editors

We have some new team members with cute hair and smart brains joining our already all-star cast of writers, and we’d love for you to get to know them a little more officially. Some of them love cooking, and some are legally prohibited from doing so by law. Some of them are qualified to educate you about vadges, and some write sexy stories about them. Who knows how to tie a bowtie? Who knows how to scrape down and repaint a bathroom in a 24-hour period? Who’s a circus acrobat? Can anyone line dance? You have a lot of questions, but many of them can be answered by scrolling below! Autostraddle is so proud of all the talented, brave, brilliant, hilarious and supercute writers that have been making our website something really special for the past few years, and we’re proud to have even more talented people with fascinating experiences and  important expertise and mindblowing words to bring to the table. Autostraddlers, meet the new kids!

KRISTEN


Bio: Kristen is a girl of many hats which include blogger, Vancouverite, Martha Stewart and hoarder. She has a penchant for all things nutty, pickled, wooden and/or turquoise. Although she is successful at wooing friends and lady-friends alike with her OkCupid profile writing abilities, she is semi-uncomfortable talking about herself in third person blurb form.

Interesting Facts:

+ I cannot snap my fingers. If the zombie apocalypse is fought West Side Story style, you will not want me on your team.

+ I like to make challenges with myself, so I had a three year stint where I stopped wearing pants.

+ Some people swear by duct tape. I swear by florist wire.

You may have seen her around:

+ An Illustrated Guide To Giving Away Your Blood

+ Can You Sew Your Bigotry Badge on Yourself? Or is That Too Gay?

+ We Must, We Must, We Must Study Your Bust

[more]

GABRIELLE


Bio: Gabrielle Korn is a writer and activist living in New York City. She received her B.A. in queer and feminist theory from NYU’s Gallatin School of Individualized Study in 2011, also known as having a B.A. in Lesbians. She has formerly worked as the Editorial Assistant at On the Issues Magazine and a Sex Educator at Babeland, and has interned pretty much everywhere from The Feminist Press to amNewYork. In her spare time, she helps organize the New York City Dyke March, staffs at the Lesbian Herstory Archives, and makes up songs about her dog.

Interesting Facts:

+ Becoming an official part of Team Autostraddle was my number one goal for this summer.

+ I live in a house with four other women — my two sisters, my girlfriend, and Kimberly, our tiny special-needs poodle.

+ I first realized I might be a lesbian at the tender age of 10 in 1999 while watching the children’s movie Smart House and finding myself attracted to PAT, the cyborg house mom.

You may have seen her around:

+ Changing Face: The Ethics Of Free Plastic Surgery For Bullying Victims

+ Gender Discrimination Lawsuit Reveals that Homophobic Chick-fil-A Is, Shockingly, Also Sexist

+ The Trials, Tribulations & Turning of True Blood’s Tara Thornton

[more]

ALI


Bio: Ali can’t cook. Her girlfriend says she can cook eggs, but she may be just polite. She can read though, and write. Oh, and she’s a queer sex blogger, erotica author, and she has a cat. So even if she doesn’t have a tumblr and could burn soup, she’s still a pretty good queer. SHE WANTS YOU TO LOVE HER.

Interesting Facts:

+ Studies circus acrobatics with a performance troupe made up of entirely women, mostly queer.

+ My cat has object permanence and can open all the doors in my apartment. And he steals jewelry from my roommate.

+ Aside from the computer, the sex toy box is the object with the highest monetary value in my apartment. It is actually a nightstand with three drawers bought just for sex toys.

You may have seen her around:

+ Playlist: Discovering Your Ex Is A Shitty Person

+“Common Gender” Brings A Queer Love Story to Bollywood

+ Playing for Our Team: The 20 Out Gay Olympians

[more]

SARAH HANSEN


Bio: Sarah lives in the quaint little town of Fort Collins, Colorado, where she’s been since she was five. She took a short vacation from the mountains to do her Bachelor’s in New York and her Masters in Brisbane, Australia, but she keeps coming back to Colorado. By day, Sarah hangs out with her two-year-old niece and writes about cruises for an Australian company, and by night she hangs out with her scratchy-voiced kitty and lovely girlfriend, watches kdramas, thinks about Oxford commas and drinks root beer.

Interesting Facts:

+ After living in Australia for awhile, it sometimes confuses people that I say the following things: sunnies, trolley, mince, sparky. I cannot stop saying these things, no matter how hard I try. I also sometimes mispronounce tomato now. THANKS, Australia.

+ I have been told by strangers and friends alike that I am Jess from New Girl, as I am simultaneously bubbly and awkward. I don’t know if this is a compliment?

+  I began reading Autostraddle because I had a crush on a girl and she liked it. Secret’s out!

You may have seen her around:

+ Ten Ways to End Your Ugly Relationship With Stress

+ What the Affordable Care Act Means for Women

+ Get Baked: Fortune Cookies

[more]

MALAIKA


Bio: Malaika likes writing, reading, and drawing cool stuff. She lives in Edmonton, a city in the Canadian prairies where there is too much winter. She is a fan of feminism, making funny faces, Margaret Atwood, lesbian pulp fiction, her bike, and the river. She dislikes the patriarchy and Alberta’s infamous tar sands. Her dogs love her and comfort her with their snoring as she types.

Interesting Facts:

+ This one time she lived in a house with seven people in Oxford, England.

+ She made lots of friends at London’s International Autostraddle meetup and her summer was amazing, except for when it rained and her ceiling leaked.

+ In her spare time, she writes for the Sierra Club and volunteers for Terra Informa, the University of Alberta’s environmental radio show.

You may have seen her around:

+ Four Reasons Why Afros Are the New Alternative Lifestyle Haircut

+ This Is A Rick Mercer Appreciation Post

+ Chevi Rabbit is Attacked for Being Gay but Won’t Stop Being Fabulous

[more]

SARAH FONSECA


Bio: Fonseca loves You and coquitos in equal doses, prefably together in some obscure brunch setting. She also loves intersectionality, and her cute Southern ass will be intersectional or it will be buckshot. She hustles for Georgia Association of Latino Elected Officials and a Georgia state representative by day and moonlights as an OKCupid guinea pig. Fonseca is a 2k12 Lambda Literary fellow in nonfiction. Her work has appeared in/at The Q Review, Testimony at the Leslie Lohman Museum NY, and Diverse Voices Quarterly.

Interesting Facts:

+ Every seat choice hinges on one question: Can I effectvely function as a left-handed individual here?

+ I would rather eat lethal puffer fish three times a day than an unsweet food masquerading as a sweet one. See: Sweet pickles, bean salad.

+ I can’t be the only one with an unhealthy obsession with every actress over 48, can I?

You may have seen her around:

+ How The South Made Me A Queer Feminist

+ Horrifying Attack Against Lesbian In Nebraska Is Horrifying, Appalling, Heartbreaking

+ A Love Letter To Savannah’s Past, Present and Future

[more]

VANESSA


Bio: Vanessa Friedman is a Brooklyn-based queer feminist writer and photographer with a penchant for floral print dresses, and yes, she knows she sounds like a cliché but it’s all true, pinky swear. She graduated from New York University in 2010 and is still deeply in love with the city. She now works full time at a local parenting magazine and has previously worked as a part-time nanny and a sleepover camp counselor; basically, she knows a lot about small humans considering she’s not a parent and does not plan to be one anytime soon. She really likes Buffy, scrapbooking and grilled cheese sandwiches. Nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands.

Interesting Facts:

+ I’ve lived in London, Johannesburg, Toronto, Boston, New York, and Israel.

+ I don’t have any piercings, not even my ears.

+ I am always the shortest and my boobs are always the biggest.

You may have seen her around:

+ On Loving My Republican Brother Who Loves Me

+ It’s Time To Add Your Queer Voice To The Sketchbook Project

+ Womazine Writes About Friendship Bracelets, Makes Us Nostalgic

[more]

KATE


Bio: Kate enjoys wine, long walks in the forest, and wine. She is floating between couches right now and trying to make enough money to buy snacks. Her aesthetic sensibilities have been referred to as “mannish,” “trashy,” and “redneck merman.” She is a graduate of Bryn Mawr College, where she majored in Practical Applications of Lesbianism and Having A Lot of Feelings About Queer Theory. In other words, she has a degree in English. Kate loves things that are widely considered to be cheesy, pulpy, or low-brow. She has every season of The X-Files on DVD. She taught herself how to flirt with girls by watching Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back. Somehow this has gotten her girls. Her mother is very excited for the day when Kate gets a Real Job and starts making something called Money, which she has been told will allow her to do things like Buy Things and Lease Property. In the meantime, she is saving up for a new box of Cheez-Its, as she has been trying every available flavor of Cheez-Its since graduating from college. Colby Cheez-Its are her favorite so far.

Interesting Facts:

+ If Joan Holloway was a real person, I would not be writing this because I would have already finished the time machine.

+ I am an awkward injury-repeater. I’ve broken the same pinkie finger three times, I’ve sprained my tongue twice (yes, that’s how, thanks for asking) and I’ve broken my nose in the exact same place twice. You can also name an embarrassing or especially awful ailment, and I guarantee that I’ve contracted it.

+ I cannot for the life of me remember what my cologne is called, so when people ask what I’m wearing I say “PUSSY BAIT.”

You may have seen her around:

+ Evil Disney Queens Are Doing It For Themselves

+ The Autostraddle Guide to Adopting Your Furry Best Friend: Dog Edition

+ True Confessions of a Queer Lisa Frank Enthusiast

[more]

CARA


Bio: Aspiring writer/musician/Real Person running around Boston trying to get hit by epiphanies and avoid cars. If I’m not furiously backspacing in a coffee shop, you’ll probably find me tending gardens for the mega-rich (my Clark Kent job), biking around Jamaica Plain looking for alley cats, or someplace with very loud guitars.

Interesting Facts:

+ Cara got into writing because you can use it to talk to cute girls even when you’re both standing near very loud guitars.

+ Cara collects hats, street pens/pencils, White Stripes bootlegs and frozen-dessert-making apparatuses.

+ Cara doesn’t know what “Autostraddle” means, but theories come to her at odd times.

You may have seen her around:

+ “Mitt Gets Worse” Chronicles Romney’s Backwards LGBT Agenda

+ Get Baked: The Olympic Edition!

+ NLGJA Announces Awards for Excellence in Gay Journalism, Which Is Itself Excellent

[more]

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96 Comments

  1. I must say that Kristen is cute in photo but much cuter in person! I had the priviledge of meeting her at a Montreal-meets-Ottawa Autostraddle meetup in Montreal and the girl’s got steez!

  6. i like that in sarah hansen’s bio she says that she thinks about oxford commas, yet doesn’t use one.

  7. These people make me feel like I’ll never be as successful or well coiffed as they are.

    I’ll be happy to gaze at their achievement and nice words though!

  8. I’m sure that the cream of the crop also “just happened” to be the hottest of the crop ;P

  9. Fact: all AutoStraddlers (?) are really, really ridiculously good looking. Also- Kate? of trashydyke? of dyke-problems?!? Please say it is so. AlsoAlsoAlso Malaika, I have the same haircut you used to have, but my preferred term was fro-hawk. Yay for posts about queermos of color, more please!

  11. Gabrielle, I went to Gallatin, too!

    Sarah, I knew you during your time in NY!

    Vanessa, I went to NYU, too!

    *It’s a small world after all*

  15. Vanessa I’m so glad to hear someone else likes Buffy and will admit to it readily. I only have a few friends in real life that will say such things in public (I’m pretty sure everyone else likes it but won’t say so).

  19. Apparently I desperately need a cute alternative lifestyle haircut (like everyone on here; I’m not looking at you, Miley Cyrus).

    Also! Also! “She taught herself how to flirt with girls by watching Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back.” BEST. THING. EVER.

    • wheeee! my dad is from joburg and my mom is from durban. we moved when i was 5 but most of my family still lives there. next time i visit i want to orchestrate a south african autostraddle meet up, can that be a thing?!

      • I’m a Cape Town girl. How often do you visit your SA family? Please, please, please do an SA meet-up when you are next out here. I would absolutely LOVE that. I have often wondered how many girls in CT would be keen and how awesome that would be. Yay!!!!!!!!!!

  21. Kristen – are you also a mime/performer I might have seen wooing small children at the Queer Arts Festival in Vancouver? If so – that was sweet and radical. And the children were full of wonderment!

    Vanessa – I also have tiny hands. And feet. And ears. But I am 5’7″ – which makes it all the more amusing. Sometimes my feet get sore because they have a lot of me to hold up. Ironically, my last name is Little. Really.

    • Haha. I just spat out of my coffee. Nope, I moved to Montreal but I’m still a Vancouverite at heart.

      You’re thinking of Dianna David. (Can you tell I get this a lot?) I like to think we’re equally amusing but I probably don’t dance as well.

      • Kristen

        can we get a ‘the many wonderous uses of vinegar’ post from the res m.stew sometime in the future, or is that topic overdone? i know theres no lack of information on the internet about that topic but it would be cool to spread the knowledge in the autostraddle realm. also a ‘jar-nic’ post! i have my lunch in a mason jar almost everyday so i love this. bringing tasty food with, then post-mow giving it a good clean and heading to a coffee shop where you get the bring-ur-own-mug discount. excellent.

        diggin your style, really happy someone like you has joined the team.
        all the best to the rest as well. keep up the great work ladies

        • also i really have a need to share the wonders of soaked oats, fooditarian- you dig? this is so easy, so good, so cheap, so one-jar recipe, so ready to grab n go in the morning, wherever you’re going. this is my roadtrip and nature romp choice for sure: faithful, filling, energizing, almost raw, and surprising easy to eat over n over again.
          if i say chia seed, sliced banana, raisin and carob soaked oats… you say?….

          (alsoalso: disclaimer for previous comment: i mean no disrespect to Laura who is already fantastically reigning down inspiration in the DIY queendom of AS. love it)

    • “Sometimes my feet get sore because they have a lot of me to hold up.”

      this is the most adorable thing ever (but i’m sorry your feet get sore!)

  22. I’ve really enjoyed all you guy’s contributions so far and I’m so excited for all your future articles.

    It’s wonderful to get to know you all better!

  23. “If Joan Holloway was a real person, I would not be writing this because I would have already finished the time machine.”

    Lol

  25. I may now have a crush on Sarah Fonseca: intersectionality, Southern, left-handed, AND women over 48 (my current crushes are Alex Kingston and Mary McDonnell)!

    awesome.

    • Holland Taylor
      Dana Delaney
      Vanessa Williams
      Dana Delaney
      Sela Ward
      Jennifer Beals

      I have no shame, nope.

  31. VANESSA. this is shilpa. HEY GIRL YOU LOOK SO CUTE! that line is from my second favorite e.e. cummings poem and i squealed when i read it. that poem was also set to an eerie choral arrangement which i sang with my chamber choir in college, heh.

    • it involves an awkward moment with nurse when nurse says “and uh, just so you know, uh, you can’t, uh…do that…for a while, you should just, uh, let it rest, and, uh…yeah”

  35. How cruel.

    How cruel of Vanessa to give us the interesting fact, Often the shortest and often has the biggest boobs, and then given an above the shoulders photo.

    I can’t be the only one with this thought…

  37. Well Gabrielle totally wins for “my favorite new contributing editor” for her reference of Smart House. The glory days of DCOMs….

  39. Look at all the smart and pretty people! Emphasis on the “pretty.” Scientific fact: Autostraddlers are at least 150% more attractive than other people.

  44. This post is chock full of greatness. I’m excited…new Autostraddle, new writers, tons of new gay ways to avoid actually doing work at work. Thanks, ladies!

  47. Everyone is so awesome and lovely!

    And Kate I love your tumblr and general online presence to sound perfectly creepy here.

  49. Kate! I didn’t know you were THAT Kate! Also, I did not catch on that the magical unicorn that brought me Dyke Problems and once gave me advice on cologne to snag ladies was also the handsome and brilliant thing that brought me Shit Queer Grrls say, which smacked me in the face with the realization that I was way more stereotypical of a lesbian than I thought I was while making me laugh until I cried and feel the deep and burning need to share said video on every social network I could find as soon as possible.
    Thank you for existing.

    • oh my god you asked the cologne question? i hope my answer was useful and you got lots of awesome cologne experience out of it!

      also i am not a magical unicorn i am more like a merman but we can debate magical beasts at a later time

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