Shane shuffles Karma into the tunnel with a boy dressed like a hot dog and Amy slips in with Harper, who immediately cops a feel. Ten points for Harperclaw!
Karma’s trip through the tunnel is less eventful, as for some reason she’s uninterested in walking through an enclosed space lined with actual human hands reaching towards her while accompanied by a complete stranger. She escapes before they get too deep. In other Liam-related news, Shane’s afraid that Liam is gonna hook up with his Mom and keeps having creepy hallucinations about it.
Lauren tries to butter Shane’s roll and complement his excellent party-planning skills as sweetly as possible in hopes that he’ll come back to her place after the party and protect her from the serial killer. I mean, she doesn’t tell him that’s WHY she wants him to come over, but that’s why she wants him to come over. He feels weirded out by her niceness and flees the scene.
Karma’s creeping around the back-end of the haunted tunnel when she is scared silly by Felix. He’s dressed up as a chainsaw murderer and has decided to lend his scare tactics to the Haunted House Team with a specific focus on Amy, who claimed she can’t be scared. Just you wait, Amy!
Amy and Harper exit the tunnel and Harper’s like, “what do we do now?” and the hot dog boy is like “you make out!” and they’re both like “hey leave us alone, patriarchy, our girl-on-girl action is not for your consumption.” The good news is that it IS for our consumption and it does happen.
Of course, they’re mid face-suck when Felix rolls up with his loud power tool.
“Felix?” asks Amy, looking kinda guilty. “I guess you two know each other,” says Harper, still wearing a catsuit. Amy should make a joke like, “yeah well, as a serial killer, I happen to have a lot of friends with chainsaws, but enough about me, let’s make out more!” Instead, she stands stupidly as Felix stomps off and I smash my head into the wall, releasing a nest of wasps that eats me alive. (Update: just killed the seventh wasp.)
Karma finds Felix sitting forlornly at a table journaling and probably thinking about other power tools and home improvement projects. He feels angry and a little bit sad, but Karma insists that Amy’s kiss with Harper meant nothing! Amy just came here to make out with random strangers! Felix points out that Amy told him she just came here to help KARMA make out with random strangers, so, oops. I guess Karma is shipping Amy and Felix, or else picking up on Amy’s contradictory vibes and statements regarding her interest in him.
Karma tells Felix that Amy doesn’t drink (and somehow manages to resist mentioning that time that Amy did drink and then had sex with Liam), so why can’t they date? “I have to get my house in order until I let anyone else in,” says Felix. THUS THE POWER TOOLS, DUH.
Liam emerges from the backroom where he’s been hanging out with Brian Kinney to find Karma, who says that just ’cause she wants them to get back together doesn’t mean that they should. She’d probably just screw it up, after all! So they should just be friends.
Then Shane’s Mom chokes on an eyeball cookie but Liam saves her. PHEW close call!
Felix, apparently done with his journaling, finds Amy leaning against a wall looking like a cute girl who just ditched another cute girl who she could be watching Broad City re-runs with right now. Instead — INSTEAD! — she’s telling Felix that they have a “thing” and that her lips were just “KILLING TIME” when she put them on the lips of another lady AND that she would TOTALLY wait two months for him to be allowed to date. I feel like this was the plot of The Notebook, which is a movie I did not see and therefore did not have to recap.
Felix doesn’t want her to wait for him, it’s too much pressure. “I release you,” says Felix. Aw, he’s just like Bill Compton!
“Seriously, Shane? You think I want to do your Mom doggy-style in the middle of a school party?” asks Liam, in his most memorable line of the season. He can’t believe Shane thinks that Liam would sleep with his Mom! It’s not like Shane’s Mom is played by an actress who played a lesbian in a different teevee show. Shane admits he’s just a little paranoid because, you know, Liam slept with his sister.
Liam’s got a genius plan to earn Shane’s trust back: he’ll move out of Shane’s house, thus ensuring Liam will have minimal opportunities to sleep with any additional family members. This doesn’t make a ton of logical sense, but I think we all know where this is heading, plot-device-wise!
A terrified Lauren loses her glass slipper in the wet, murky parking lot, only to discover that the man she feared was following her to her car is in fact Hester’s Own Liam Booker, animal trainer to the stars. She uses some kind of self-defense mechanism that injures his head, which means she’s got no choice but to let him spend the night in her apartment.
So now Lauren’s apartment is a Safe Space because Liam has lots of upper body strength and even though I talk shit about him all the time, often for no reason (at least since Season One, when he was a lesbian-conquester douchebag), he would absolutely demolish anybody who tried to hurt Lauren. So don’t worry Mey, Lauren is okay!
Back at the Haunted House of Heteroflexible Horrors, Amy tells Karma she kinda WAS waiting for Felix, but now she’s not, because she wants me to be happy. Also because he released her like Bill Compton. Karma tells Amy that she’s decided not to get back together with Liam, because Amy was right: Karma needs to stay single and be okay with being alone. Amy points out that Karma is not alone, it’s in a song by Michael Jackson called “You Are Not Alone,” ever heard of it? Then they hug.
They’re about to exit the party in order to eat a bunch of leftover Halloween candy at an undetermined location when their path is blocked by a human in a mask. It’s not Tom Cruise in Eyes Wide Shut, don’t worry. It’s SABRINA!
Who’s Sabrina? Well, hopefully she’s a teenage witch… or a teenage witch LESBIAN!
Next week on Faking it:
