āDonāt be afraid to play the wrong note,ā Lisa Stephen Friday tells the guitarist. He nods and plays part of the song they just finished rehearsing. More. He plays it again a bit messier. More. Now itās gone from pleasant to harsh. āThere it is,ā she says with a smile.
Meanwhile, Carmen Castillo is whispering suggestions to her co-star Murphy Taylor Smith. Or maybe Murphy is whispering suggestions to Carmen. Either way, theyāre speaking to each other like bandmates rather than actors.
The entire room has an energy more akin to a rock band recording an album than musical theatre performers in a music rehearsal. Lisa is the composer and holds the most authority in the room, followed by music director Adam J. Rineer, then Murphy and Carmen, and finally recent additions guitarist Will Shishmanian and drummer Olive Faber. But the hierarchy is fluid. Everyone is experimenting. Everyone is expressing their opinions. Everyone is trans.
References bounce around the room as shorthand. A shared language. At one point, Adam suggests taking a new song in a folksier, more Americana direction. Lisa says yes, but folksy like R.E.M. Not just Americana ā more Southern Rock.
After another song, Lisa says it should sound more like Lou Reed. āEven though I hate Lou Reed,ā she adds. āWe know,ā Murphy sighs like sheās heard this opinion from Lisa a hundred times. Carmen begins singing to the tune of āWalk on the Wild Sideā: And the white trans lesbians go doo do doo…
Everyone bursts into laughter.

Doll/Girl is a musical re-telling of the life and work of trans artist Greer Lankton. But before book writer and lyricist Joseph W. Ritsch approached Lisa after seeing her one woman show Trans Am, Lisa was only vaguely familiar with Lankton.
āAs soon as I started going down the wormhole of Greer, I was just obsessed,ā she told me. āIt was very clear to me that if Greerās life was going to be a musical it had to have a New Wave music base, so I was very attracted to the project.ā
This new obsession was shared by Murphy and Carmen. They hadnāt heard of Greer either, but once Lisa brought them on board, the connection was immediate.
āI was just getting back to New York and was obsessed with Candy and Holly and the Warhol era, so I had a lot of context for Greerās art,ā Carmen said. āIt felt like, oh weāve always been doing this. Weāve always been searching for meaning with what the previous generations did with their life and art.ā
Murphy, too, found parallels with her own approach to art and life. āThe sheer amount of work Greer put out into the world is so remarkable,ā she said. āThat was a way in, because I think of myself that way. Iām someone who wants to always be working, always be creating. Thatās the only way I really understand the world and process the things happening around me.ā
Despite Lanktonās relative obscurity in mainstream culture, much of her prolific work has been preserved, largely by Mattress Factory in Pittsburgh. One of her sketchbooks from September 1977 was also published last year, a copy of which was returned to Carmen from Murphy during the rehearsal I attended with the tenderness of a passed note.
A lot of the research for Doll/Girl was done by Ritsch, along with dramaturg S. Brook Corfman who is currently writing a dissertation on Lankton. But Lisa, Murphy, and Carmen all felt the hunger to do more on their own.
āGreer has done us a tremendous favor and given us a tremendous gift, because she was a prolific journaler so we literally have her words,ā Lisa said. āThereās a lot of responsibility in making sure we do our due diligence in studying her journals, studying her work, and telling the story of her life and not other peopleās experiences of her life.ā
Murphy pointed out thereās a greater responsibility to tell a true story when much of the audience will be experiencing it for the first time. They might receive Doll/Girl as their definitive ā or only ā portrait of Greer Lankton.

Before I learned about Greerās art, I knew her image.
As a trans girl closeted even to myself, I became obsessed with the photography of Nan Goldin. I wasnāt drawn to her work solely because of the presence of Lankton and other trans and queer subjects. Goldinās framing, her unique way with light, and her ability to make an image feel at once raw and ethereally beautiful are why she is still my first reference point when creating visual art.
But Iām sure I was also pulled in by her subjects. Iām sure I was pulled in by Greer.
Once I came out, I learned about Lanktonās own work. I saw photos of her dolls. At a time when Iād internalized cis beauty as an ideal to chase, there was something at once off-putting and inspiring in Lanktonās creations. Her dolls are beautiful. Theyāre also grotesque. Rather than smooth out their facial features, the sharp obstructions of a face and a body are enhanced.
To quote the opening number of Doll/Girl: That one starves herself, that one eats you alive, that oneās bruised up because this world will beat you down.

Itās easy to understand Lanktonās dolls through her transness. But Lisa and the Doll/Girl team are adamant that this reduction is the same mistake made by people throughout Lanktonās life.
āThey never dug deep enough to treat her mental health,ā Lisa said. āThey just grabbed onto her identity as a trans person and thought that was the root of all her problems.ā
In Doll/Girl, transness is a given. Ritsch is genderqueer, Lisa is trans, just about everyone working on the show is trans and/or nonbinary. That aspect of Lanktonās identity is not ignored. Rather, itās internalized to such a degree that the show can focus on Lanktonās more acute struggles, such as anorexia and drug addiction and untreated bipolar, struggles both separate and intertwined with her transness.
āThatās something a lot of cis audience members, especially, arenāt able to understand coming into it,ā Murphy said. āThat idea is so foreign to them that a trans personās struggle can be about more than their gender and gender identity.ā Itās what makes Doll/Girl such a powerful work of trans art. The show doesnāt ignore transness ā it understands transness in the context of so many other parts of Lanktonās life.
āAs soon as we started familiarizing ourselves with her work, it was just like, oh yeah I know this girl,ā Carmen said. āThereās just this innate familiarity a lot of us have being creatives and being artists in New York.ā Carmen noted that Lankton used to do readings at the Pyramid Club which is now the Knitting Factory. Carmenās band just played there and her girlfriend Olive, Doll/Girlās drummer, just had her record release there.
Murphy also found a personal connection with Lankton. At the book launch for the 1977 journal, Murphy learned that Lanktonās gender confirmation surgery was paid for by the church. āIām the child of a priest and very much grew up in the church,ā Murphy shared. āWhen I had gender confirmation surgery, the churchās health insurance also paid for it. Itās this silly connection, but I started crying when I heard it. The oddness of that. This woman had so much love in her life and all these people who really cared about her. But she was so mistreated that love didnāt make up for it.ā
This might be the most startling aspect of Doll/Girl. Trans stories, especially ones that take place in the 80s and 90s, donāt usually feature supportive parents. This one does. During one number, two of the dolls embody Lanktonās parents, sending caring letters to their daughter ā who they acknowledge as their daughter. Itās an experience even more relevant to today. While a supportive family can save a trans personās life, they canāt change our society as a whole. Sometimes support from those either biological or chosen still isnāt enough.
āWe have access to her at 19 writing about how she saw the world and she saw it with such frightening clarity,ā Murphy said. āThereās a punishment in that. Especially when other people canāt see it. When youāre the Cassandra trying to convince everyone of whatās happening. She carried that burden.ā

The dolls of Doll/Girl met exactly how youād expect: off-broadway theatre, the Transparent Musical, and John Cameron Mitchell.
Carmen was making her off-broadway debut in a show at 59e59 while Murphy and her twin sister had a showcase at 54 Below. They saw each otherās performances and have been friends ever since. āWe just kind of share a brain in rooms like these,ā Carmen told me. āWeāre very focused, very driven, and very insistent on getting everything super right.ā
Murphy was cast in the Transparent Musical and during one of their workshops in September 2022, Lisa came on to play Maura. āWe hadnāt really heard each other sing yet and there was some insane note that wouldnāt be written for anyone to sing normally,ā Murphy said. āLisa was like, āShould I just go for it?ā And then she opened her mouth and it was one of those moments where the whole room couldnāt believe the instrument this woman had.ā
It wasnāt just Lisaās talent, but how she used her talent that resonated with Murphy. āIād never heard a trans woman sing that way before,ā she continued. āIn musical theatre, itās usually about imitating cis womenās voices. The way Iāve gotten roles has been imitating that quality of softness and lightness. But Lisa is a rockstar powerhouse vocalist. Itās undeniable. She uses tones that are typically associated with masculinity but take on this incendiary, otherworldly quality when she sings them. I was immediately like, Iāll do whatever this woman asks, Iāll follow her to the ends of the earth.ā
Carmen and Lisa started following each other on Instagram through Murphy. And then they met while Carmen was barbacking at a gay bar in Hellās Kitchen called Red Eye. There was a Jayne County tribute show and Lisa sang a duet with her friend John Cameron Mitchell. āI was giving them bottle service,ā Carmen laughed.
Even before meeting in person, Lisa had been drawn to Carmenās ārock nā roll world.ā As theatre at large has grown more conservative in the wake of Covid, Carmen has turned toward music. āI bring a lot of my experience performing in clubs and singing actual post-punk music,ā Carmen said. āAlong with a certain amount of theatre training, so I can do it sustainably.ā A perfect match for Lisa who told me, āIām a musical theatre performer. But Iāve never written musical theatre. I write very straightforward rock nāroll, even punk.ā
When watching Lisaās one-woman show, Carmen realized their connection went beyond music taste. āMy egg cracked when I was on the Once tour and Lisaās cracked while on tour with The Buddy Holly Story,ā Carmen said. When I didnāt give this the proper reaction, she added excitedly, āTheyāre both actor/musician shows!ā
Lisa didnāt continue on with the Transparent Musical and she and Murphy briefly lost touch. But when Murphy was working on a project with John Cameron Mitchell, the two attended Lisaās 50th birthday concert together. That was when Murphy first heard a song from Doll/Girl.
Even without knowing of Greer, Murphy knew this was a project she wanted to join. āMusical theatre is often focused on theatrical storytelling, so writing music thatās affecting, powerful, and beautiful gets left to the side,ā she said. āBut I heard that song and I was like, thatās a good fucking song, thatās an amazing song.ā
āWhen Iām writing a song, I try to imagine Greer,ā Lisa said. āWhether sheās working on a doll or walking down the street, I want the music to feel like something in her cassette walkman.ā
āLisa is so dialed into the music,ā Carmen gushed. āSheās one of my favorite songwriters.ā

As someone who has worked on many film and theatre projects as the only trans person or one of a few, the transness of this creative space stood out to me. But, like with Greerās life, Murphy and Carmen were quick to correct me that the transness of the room is what it makes it unique.
āIām often in trans rooms these days,ā Murphy said. āThe American theatre as a whole, especially musical theatre, has not really opened its doors to trans women yet. Thereās an unwillingness to be flexible and to just see us as women quite frankly. So by necessity, I am working with a lot of other trans people.ā
āItās a connection beyond transness,ā Carmen said of the Doll/Girl creatives. āI like to stress that itās not necessarily a difference of trans vs. cis. There are just people who operate on your same wavelength and people who donāt.ā
For Murphy, itās as much about the kind of room Lisa creates. Itās a place of collaboration, sometimes even growing combative. āThe way youāre often meant to feel in these rooms is youāre an actor, youāre a piece, youāre clay to be molded, paint to be used, youāre not going to be an artistic voice, youāre part of a machine,ā Murphy said. āBut you canāt interact with a show like this, with a part like this, from that perspective. It puts you in a place of submission and this isnāt a role of submission. Itās been huge for me as a performer and an artist and a human being to be encouraged to step up and take ownership.ā
Murphy, Carmen, and Lisa all talk about the theatre world with the love and frustration of grown kids disappointed with an out of touch parent. āThereās a lot of pristineness on the American stage right now, and I think thatās true in film too,ā Murphy said. āThereās a lot of cleanliness in art. But I donāt think that actually sets us up to have people with real artistic authoritative stances on what theyāre saying or what theyāre doing. It just encourages you to go along with the expected. But not this piece. Lisa has always said to me, you are the rockstar and thatās the only way to attack the role.ā
āTheatre can really suck,ā Carmen said. āI mean, I love it. But it sucks if you donāt have your heart and soul in it and dig deep. Itās why Iām so excited to have a project like Doll/Girl because I feel fully comfortable and safe pouring the entirety of myself into it.ā
āThis is probably the first time theyāre really being given musical theatre material written explicitly for them,ā Lisa said of Murphy and Carmen. āI see it empowering the two of them to whole new levels. Theyāre brilliant actresses and get on stage with such confidence. Itās really exciting to watch.ā
āWhen I came back to acting after transitioning, I made myself extremely small and extremely moldable in order to work,ā Murphy said. āI was auditioning mostly for cis roles and itās kind of a devastating thing to do to a trans girl a year out of the closet, because it tells you over and over that you need to be a cis woman. Working with Lisa has taught me to embrace what Iām bringing as an artist and a human being.ā
āWeāre not trying to be cis women, weāre just women. And if that means I canāt be in Six on Broadway, then, well, Iāll recover.ā

For Lisa, the transness of her collaborators feels more noteworthy. She talked about making a show about a trans woman who was about twenty years older than her with two trans women who are about twenty years younger.
āItās given me this very inside view of our progress as trans women,ā Lisa said. āItās helping me to really find joy in my work telling trans stories. Yes, itās my work and I need it to succeed so I can pay my bills. But itās also a building of a community. I see this community thatās exploding and weāre becoming really powerful.ā
Murphy and Carmen also feel the weight of playing these prominent women from trans history ā Murphy as Greer and Carmen as Candy Darling⦠or at least Greerās doll version of Candy. One of the showās best moments is, to quote Carmen, āa sapphic fever dreamā between Greer and Candy. āItās that classic doll politics of do I want to be with her or do I want to be her.ā
The more Carmen has researched Candy, the more protective she feels of her as a character. āShe was a lot more self-aware than people give her credit for and a lot funnier,ā Carmen said. But, Carmen acknowledges, the real Candy still wouldāve hated this gay portrayal of her.

Murphy has also found reverence and distance from Lankton as a real person. āBeing careful with your art and being incredibly delicate is the anathema of Greerās artistic ethos. You have to allow for the messiness,ā Murphy said. āWe never want this to be a saccharine treatment of her story. It wouldnāt be honoring Greer to be like, oh my God what are people who knew her going to think? At a certain point, I have to just accept this is my interpretation and Iām doing it from a place where I love her and her work.ā
Itās an impressive approach considering some of Lanktonās family and Nan Goldin herself were at the first Joeās Pub performance. It also feels like something only possible due to the space Lisa has helped shape, along with Ritsch and director Ty Defoe (yes, also trans).
āItās just more fruitful creating with trans people who are open and excited and embrace that shared language of fighting as love and fighting as the work,ā Murphy said. āIt can take you to places you canāt get to when youāre too focused on taking care without taking action.ā
āEspecially for Lisa, Carmen, and I playing these roles, we all love each other so much, but we are also fierce about how we want this story to be told. Thatās exciting. You only get that passion when youāre telling a story that matters and working with people who care about getting it right.ā
Their second performance at Joeās Pub is just a couple of weeks away, and then the future of the show is uncertain. āIf Iām going to tell trans stories, itās not to explain my existence or justify my existence,ā Lisa said. āIām telling the story for trans people. That is who it is for, that is who my work is for.ā But to get to the next stage ā literally and metaphorically ā itās likely cis people will have to be convinced of the showās worth.
āI wouldnāt mind some cis people being involved eventually,ā Carmen said. āMaybe in the giving-us-money roles.ā
Sometimes work is made with such specificity and such skill, the import is undeniable. By remaining true to their perspectives and collaborations, the team behind Doll/Girl may have created that rare piece of idiosyncratic trans art that will break through. I hope so, anyway.
During the music rehearsal, one of the songs ended with Lisaās notes for mess taken to heart, everyone pushing their instruments and vocal instruments to a cacophonous harmony.
āThat was unbearable,ā Lisa said with a laugh.
āThat was awesome,ā Carmen corrected.
Doll/Girl will be at Joe’s Pub on June 3.