Exclusive Clip: Get to Know the Gay Gals of “Girl in the Woods”

If there’s one thing gays universally love it’s a woman showing up in town from out of nowhere and recruiting her friends to fight against the monsters of literal hell that are trying to break free and destroy the world! This time it’s Peacock’s Girl in the Woods, in which a girl named Carrie (sus) arrives in the mining town of West Pine, Oregon, talking about cults and hellbeasts. Only this time Carrie (still sus) is queer! And we’ve got an exclusive clip to share with you. It’s from the third episode — all eight episodes drop tomorrow, October 21st, on the streamer — during a flashback.

Carrie (Stefanie Scott) and Sara (Kylie Liya Page) discuss Carrie’s performance. Sara then takes off a ribbon from her hair and ties it around Carrie’s wrist, a ribbon that Carrie holds significant throughout the show as a symbol of the love they share.

That sure is a stomach-flipping amount of soft skin brushes and GAYZING!

More from us, of course, once the episodes drop. Until then: If the apocalypse comes, beep me.

“Supergirl” Episode 616 Recap: Sweet Dream, Beautiful Nightmare

Happy Wednesday and welcome to this recap of Supergirl season 6 episode 16, “Nightmare in National City,” aka the one where Dreamer levels up.

We open this week with an old school intro, where we’re reminded about Kara’s pod getting knocked off course, and get flashes of Lena doing magic and Guardian guarding while she talks about her friends. It made me a bit nostalgic.

But then we jump right into the previously-ons, where we’re reminded that the Superfriends are in a race against Nyxly for 7 totems; they had 3 of them but yeeted the Hope Totem into the sun in an attempt from keeping Nyxly from ever being able to make the infinity gauntlet All Stone, but Nyxly received a Lexosuit as a gift from a “secret admirer” to help her. Also, a little longer ago than all that, Nia’s sister Maeve was a bitch to her because Nia became the Dreamer of the family.

When Nia returns to National City with no Dream Totem in hand, she explains to Brainy that the reason she hit a dead end is because she went to her dad to go through her mom’s things for clues but turns out Maeve took it all and ditched their dad for taking Nia’s side and disappeared into the ether. Brainy suggests looking for the answers vis dreams so she does, getting a vision of a name that might lead her to the next clue.

Up on the glam rock spaceship, Nyxly is fiddling with her new suit when she realizes it comes with an AI…of herself. It’s not only her own voice, but also knows about her 10-year-old self’s secret crush, so she’s confused, but it promises her it knows how to help her find the Dream Totem so she decides to trust it. And honestly giving a narcissist an AI with her own voice is the fastest way to get it to do what it says.

Meanwhile, in the tower, Alex shows up to work with a stack full of drawings from Esme for the Superfriends.

She’s so proud of the drawings, and everyone is delighted to get them, and it’s all very cute and pure. Alex tells them that Kelly took Esme to meet the Olsen family and she’s going to join them as soon as things calm down a little; aka as soon as they find the Dream Totem.

Kara tells the team that her plans for today involve doing an interview with international leaders to try to promote peace and healthy communication skills, and Lena loves this idea.

When Kara pitches it to Andrea, and it’s the most passionate we’ve seen Kara about her day job in a long time. Andrea finds it endearing but thinks the topic is boring so she decides to make it a multimedia spectacle, which misses the point of what Kara was trying to do but isn’t a no, so Kara will take it.

Across town, Nia follows her vision all the way to her sister, much to both of their horror.

Maeve starts to apologize but Nia interrupts her and says that’s not what she’s there for. She’s just there to talk about the Dream Totem. Maeve wasn’t even sure it was real, the research all mentions an artifact in the dream realm that can give anyone dream powers so of course she was intrigued by it, but never found any proof of it. Nia asks Maeve to tell her everything she knows about the totem but Maeve says it’s not like she can distill all the research she’s ever done on the topic onto a post-it note for her. She opens a closet full of old books displayed rather haphazardly for someone who supposedly cares about this topic, and basically tells Nia good luck.

Meanwhile, Nyxly crashes a sleep lab to use her AI to steal technology from a doctor who learned how to access the dream realm. She uses her new toys to borrow some dream energy and as Supergirl arrives to try to stop her, she opens a dream portal and sends them a nightmare monster for their troubles.

Alex and Lena hold down the Tower and try to guide their flying friends and help them keep the nightmare monster from getting to the power plant.

Since J’onn’s brain powers and Supergirl’s heat vision aren’t helping, Kara asks Lena if there’s a spell she could do, but it’s more complicated than that…or she doesn’t believe in herself yet. Either way, she decides to rely on the original source of her usefulness to the Superfriends and uses her big beautiful brain to offer the solution of using satellites to create a dome over part of the city; the bad news is, it would trap the monster in with half the people in National City, the good news is it would keep the monster from getting to the power plant. Alex is torn but Supergirl is desperate so she makes the call and tells Lena to do it. And the dome is straight up from a Stephen King novel, splitting food trucks in half and separating people from who they were sharing a taco with mere seconds before. And then, as icing on the stressful cake Supergirl is being served, the monster turns invisible.

Back at Maeve’s office, the Nal sisters work together to look for clues about the Dream Totem. Maeve tells her about a tapestry with a maze on it that might be instructions from the Oracle who hid the totem. and how it has a symbol that was also on the necklace their mother gave her, the symbol for purity. As Maeve picks up another stack of books, news clippings of Dreamer saving the day fall out. Nia is surprised but Maeve tries to shrug it off like this isn’t the sweetest thing; she says they might be fighting but Nia is still her sister.

When Nia realizes there are too many tomes to tote to the dream realm for one person, she decides to take her sister with her. Maeve is delighted by this prospect and smirks as her baby sister brags about her boyfriend as Nia texts him to tell him she’ll be back on this plane of existence in a jiffy.

Back at the Tower, Supergirl reports that she can’t find the monster anywhere. She checks on Lena, who tells her that she found out about the sleep lab and that Nyxly was probably there to steal dream energy, which means she’s already on her way to the Dream Totem.

But Brainy arrives with good news; they’re not as far behind as they thought. Nia is already on her way to the dream realm to get the totem; they just have to hope she can find it before Nyxly.

While wandering through the dream forest, Maeve tells Nia about a dream expanse somewhere past this forest, but Nia has never figured out how to leave. As they wander, Maeve’s necklace starts to glow and points Nia toward a tree with a knot that is also a button, and when Nia presses it, it opens up a door to the aforementioned dream expanse…a door that closes behind them.

Since the action is happening in the dream realm, Kara runs off to do a mock interview to prepare.

But she’s distracted. Kara can see on the news that the town doesn’t approve of the Superfriends’ decision to put a dome over half the city, and the governor is speaking out about it. And so even though she’s wearing Kara braids and glasses, her head is in a Super space.

Alex is at the Tower trying to talk the governor down about the dome, trying to convince her that it’s for everyone’s safety, but the governor is still pressed about it, because the people are separated from their jobs or their loved ones.

The governor gives them 12 hours to take the dome down before she takes matters into her own hands. While Lena and Brainy get to work on a machine that they hope will contain the nightmare monster, which would be going better if Brainy wasn’t so in his head about things.

In the dream expanse, Nyxly wanders around through spires, guided by her AI, until she finds a lighted path. And when she does find it, she sees that Nia and her sister are already on the path, and is delighted by this turn of events.

Ruby Rose Says Batwoman’s Dangerous Set Caused Them to Leave the Show

Feature image by Photo by Phillip Faraone/WireImage

On the heels of The International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees (IATSE) groundbreaking win for better working conditions in their negotiations — and strike threat — with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP), this morning Ruby Rose took to Instagram talk about their experience with dangerous set conditions on Batwoman, which included more details about the neck injury they suffered while doing their own stunts in 2019. They also mentioned seeing a crew member suffer third degree burns all over his body, sustaining a cut on their face that was “so close to my eye, I could have been blind,” losing two stunt doubles over the course of the season, and being forced to film during Covid when all the CW’s other series were shutting down.

In their Instagram stories, Rose also called out several Batwoman execs, from Former Warner Bros. Television Group Chairman Peter Roth, who Rose says made young women “steam his pants… around his crotch” while he was still wearing them; to showrunner Caroline Dries, who Rose says “has no heart and wanted us to finish the season throughout the pandemic” and who “maybe visited the set 4 times in a year”; to co-star Dougray Scott, who “hurt a female stunt double” and “yelled like a little bitch at women and was a nightmare.” (Of note: Both Roth and Scott have left WB and the series.)

Rose’s Instagram posts color in some of the lines that they drew when they left the series after the first season. At first, the decision seemed like a tense but mostly amicable split but as more statements and interviews and rumors and Insta lives from the cast have rolled out, the situation has seemed a lot more messy than the original press releases let on. And now we know!

As Hollywood continues to be dragged, kicking and screaming, into 2021, it’s as important as ever for LGBTQ+ folks, women, people of color, and disabled cast and crew to share their stories to generate collective power and force accountability and reform.

As I was reading Rose’s IG, I was thinking about recent conversations from Azie Tesfai’s (Kelly Olsen / Guardian from Supergirl) Instagram Live, where she got together to talk with Javicia Leslie (our Batwoman) and Candice Patton (Iris West from The Flash) to talk about being Black women in the Arrowverse, and how they’ve had to form their own support group to deal with racism from the top down while filming and promoting their shows. Javicia Leslie mentioned, more than once, for example, that DC’s decision to keep Kate Kane alive was a nightmare for her because it opened up even more doors for racist attacks from fans who wanted Kane back in the cape and cowl, or from shippers who wanted to see Sophie back with Kate instead of growing closer to Ryan Wilder. She can’t even turn on the comments during her IG Lives, due to the blatantly racist remarks

This on top of the racism these Black actresses deal with at comic cons, where they get shoved into un-trafficked corners for autographs with little promotion from organizers about their events or panels; and from their own co-stars who have a shameful track record when it comes to showing up for the Black women they work with. Wallis Day, who took over for Rose as Kate Kane in Batwoman season two, even went as far as to encourage racist abuse against Leslie by laughing at people who called her out for not standing up when commenters hurled racist abuse at Leslie on Day’s social media posts.

We’ve even seen this play out at Autostraddle, with commenters consistently questioning the CW’s decision to create a new superhero played by a Black bisexual woman, instead of supporting a revolutionary storytelling decision during an unprecedented uprising for Black lives. Which is to say: Questioning the whole entire point of superheroes! Which is to be the role models and protectors we need at the exact time we need them!

As “Batwoman” and “Ruby Rose” trend on Twitter and countless people call for a shut down of the show because of Rose’s posts, I hope we’ll keep in mind the totality of the abuse queer people and POC have suffered on these superhero sets over the years, and come together to continue to push for sweeping change that protects everyone on set and in writers rooms and in executive offices, especially those most vulnerable in our community.

Boobs on Your Tube: New Amsterdam Keeps Saying Love Is Not a Lie But THAT’S Also a Lie!

Well hello and happy Game Three Night of the 2021 WNBA Playoffs, starring many queer pals and my number three queer enemy, Diana Taurasi, and airing on ESPN2 at 9pm!

This week, the gay shenanigans kept on happening on The Morning Show and Christina kept on writing about it! Drew kicked off her NewFest coverage with a review of Ruth Caudeli’s Leading Ladies. Shelli, Dani, Natalie, and Carmen got together to talk about Blackness and The L Word: Generation Q‘s second season. Batwoman came back to us, and Nic recapped it! Legends of Tomorrow went full circus, and Valerie Anne recapped it! Supergirl headed down the homestretch, and Valerie Anne recapped that too. Also! Here’s a special treat: Carmen is recapping again and this time it’s season two of Twenties! She’s gonna recap the whole season! (If you’re on the fence, we also posted an exclusive clip of Twenties which you should watch if you haven’t seen the S2 premiere yet!) Heather counted down some of your fave queer women and non-binary babes in top hats in response to that Timothee Chalamet Willy Wonka photo. Drew and Analyssa podcated The L Word: Generation Q season two finale. Riese made you a quiz to tell you which Gen Q character you are. I got Angie so I win but you should still take the quiz!

And finally, another piece of exhaustive Riese Bernard research: An Obsessive Analysis of the Timeline of The L Word Generation Q Season Two.

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Notes from the TV Team:

+ Tonight is the premiere of NBC’s new reality series (created by Ava DuVernay) Home Sweet Home, each episode will focus on  two families as they  switch lives as they move into each other’s homes, cook the other other’s recipes, take part in each other’s daily traditions, and all those warm feelings. But I am here to tell you that IT IS GAY and also we have a clip for you!

Home Sweet Home airs tonight at 8pm/7pm central on NBC. — Carmen

+ On Station 19, Carina and Maya have a lot cry-fights continuing about if they would have a baby, this time ending with Maya (who saved a young boy earlier in the day) believing that maybe she could do this after all… one day. And maybe, jsut maybe, “one day” is good enough for Carina. For now. — Carmen

+ On Grey’s Anatomy, there is technically nothing gay to report… but also? I swear Amelia keeps making eyes at this cute non-binary doctor in Minnesota. Y’all see it right? I’m not alone in this. — Carmen

+ Legacies is back! I am on vacation this week so I didn’t get to watch it in time but I’ll be back with any queer teen witch/werewolf updates next week! — Valerie Anne

+ Some returns to look forward to this week: the third season of You on Netflix drops today…I’m unsure if the gay moment from the trailer will actually lead anywhere but, at the very least, you get queer actress, Shalita Grant, in the new season; Fear of the Walking Dead (AMC) returns Sunday to level up your spooky season; also on Sunday, Monica Raymund returns as newly minted police officer Jackie Quinones on Hightown (STARZ); and hip-hop drama Queens (ABC) debuts on Tuesday! — Natalie

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Roswell, New Mexico 312 & 313: “I Ain’t Goin’ Out Like That” & “Never Let You Go”

Written by Valerie Anne

In the two-part season finale of Roswell, New Mexico, things get stressful fast. At the peak of her anxiety about the whole brother-body-swapped-with-an-evil-clone-and-neither-can-live-while-the-other-survives situation, Isobel decides to try to channel what Anatsa taught her and do some archery. But what she quickly realizes is that she doesn’t want to be alone behind the walls she built, so she goes to her chosen family and hugs her sisters, Maria and Rosa, tight. Together, they remake Isobel’s badass alien sword and head back into the fray.

Relationship-wise, Kyle admitted to Maria that he has feelings for Isobel, and she tells him Isobel is seeing someone, but I still have a bad feeling about this. I was extra worried after the battle was done and they kind of won and Isobel asked Kyle for a dance, but they are blissfully interrupted by Anatsa, and she and Isobel kiss a lot. Isobel invites Kyle to stay for drinks, implying to ME that her feelings for him are still platonic, but he declines and leaves Isobel and Anatsa to their smooching.

Also? The very last scene?? While not necessarily gay beyond the original Roswell being a core memory for this particular queer, a new character enters the fold, an ex-teacher of Liz’s…played by SHIRI APPLEBY. When I say I yelped.

Thrilled this show will be back for another season! I have really enjoyed it and I’m looking forward to more alien shenanigans.

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Nancy Drew 301: “”The Warning of the Frozen Heart” “

Written by Valerie Anne

The Drew Crew is back! In a delightful return to Horseshoe Bay, we pick up a week after we left off, with sweet Bess’s heart still smarting from the love of her life being trapped in her best friend’s body and going permanently dormant. In an effort to never get her heart broken by an old-timey lesbian ghost ever again, Bess is making her way through all the queer ladies in Maine, trying to have some fun and drown out her very loud feelings. No Aglaeca pun intended. Luckily (?) something else comes along to distract her: a mystery. In the form of dead bodies with frozen hearts showing up. After Nancy finds out about her link to the crimes, meets an ancestor back from the dead, and gets rejected from Columbia, she realizes that she can probably never leave Horseshoe Bay…but more importantly, she realizes she doesn’t want to. This is where her family is, blood and chosen, and she’s not going anywhere. Which is great because the show is named after her Bess probably couldn’t handle a friend/roomie breakup on top of everything else she’s going through.

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New Amsterdam 404: “Seed Money”

Written by Natalie

Lauren Bloom is sprung. If you’ve watched New Amsterdam from the beginning, you know how improbable this is. I want to just revel on how cute this all is but the cuteness just adds to my dread. Sometime soon, that other shoe is going to drop…a considering how high Lauren is on love right now, the fall is going to be painful.

For now, though, Lauren’s so cute: she rushes into the hospital before her shift, armed with coffee and bagels, to catch up with her girlfriend. Instead of finding Leyla in the supply closet, though, she finds another sleeping resident. Frustrated that she and Leyla are passing each other like ships in the night, Bloom walks into the ED and changes the schedule: moving Leyla back to the day shift with her. Unused to feeling this level of desperation for someone else, Lauren reaches out to Iggy Frome, the head of the psychiatry department, for help. She’s convinced that going days without seeing Leyla is making her insane.

Iggy tries to assure her that she’s just missing her girlfriend but Lauren insists it’s something more. She’s not just missing Leyla, she needs her…she’s craving her. He asks Bloom about her behavior and discovers that she’s using her authority to make things easier for herself. Lauren realizes that she’s turning Leyla into her new drug but Iggy doesn’t share her concern, yet. He applauds her for recognizing her own misbehavior and pushes her to go see her sponsor (which I’m not even sure she has) and focus on her triggers. But, of course, she doesn’t do that; instead, when Bloom gets a break, she calls Leyla.

“I… I know you’re sleeping….I just called, uh… because I miss you,” Lauren rambles. “I know that’s weird and, um, very creepy, but just… I miss the smell of it. I don’t know. It’s… I don’t know, like, you, warm and rosy, fresh out of the shower. I can’t…” Leyla’s voicemail cuts her off before she can add the last part: “I can’t stand being away from you.” She glances over at the Emergency Department’s schedule, torn between wanting to be with Leyla and not abusing her power as the head of ED. Eventually, though, she corrects her misttep: switching Leyla back to the night shift, much to the consternation of Dr. Walsh.

Later, Bloom returns to an empty house, Leyla having gone back to work at New Amsterdam, but her girlfriend left her a gift: a shirt, bathed in Leyla’s scent, with a note reminding her that she’s still there. Again, very, very cute…but the fall is coming…and I worry that the return of Lauren Bloom’s mother next week could hasten it.

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Work in Progress 210: “I Release You”

Written by Drew

There’s a good chance this episode will be the last we see of Abby and if this is indeed the end, I just want to say how grateful I am for these two seasons of extremely queer and open-hearted television.

Over the course of its 18 episodes, Work in Progress has taken Abby and the people around her on so many journeys of self-improvement, forgiveness, and, well, progress. Queer and trans people are deeply traumatized and often take this trauma out on one another. Work in Progress showed another way. It did not excuse Abby’s behavior or the harmful behaviors of others. But it did suggest that we are better than our worst choices.

Theo Germaine finally returned as Chris and his conversation with Abby mirrors the conversation that ended season one. The feelings are less sharp, the hurt is in the past, but the quiet devastation remains. These are two people who care about each other and just couldn’t make it work. They know that. But forgiveness from each other isn’t the same as forgiveness from oneself. I love how this scene manages to feel like a conclusion and a beginning all at once — not a new beginning for these two together, but a beginning for them apart.

I’ve already written a lot of words about this show, but I just love it a lot and I really hope we do get a season three!!

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American Horror Story 1009: “Blue Moon”

Written by Drew

This week on the first half of American Horror Story is delightful and the second half is absurd… the absurdity is fun!

Sarah Paulson continues to delight as Mamie Eisenhower who is evil and fucking aliens* even though she’s no longer possessed by one. Our alternate history finds the creation of Area 51 and the murders of Marilyn Monroe and JFK and the whole thing is a campy delight.

Then we go back to the testing facility where Leslie Grossman gets to shine as we find out her backstory which involves a threesome with Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong and learning just a bit too much for her own good.

I’ve been harsh on the cast of the latter half but Isaac Powell does some really good work as Troy gives birth to a beautiful and soon-to-be-murdered alien baby. What’s ABSURD is the suggestion that Troy and Cal — two gay boys in their early 20s — are sooo attached to the idea of becoming parents. Ryan Murphy is simply addicted to forcing heteronormativity on young gays!! The emotional weight of their desire to “start a family” on this alien lair feels very hollow and while the body horror and final twist don’t need sense to be a good time imagine all the possibilities that could be explored if Angelica Ross wasn’t relegated to ominous alien or if another trans performer was cast as a main character? Why force this storyline when even the slightest understand of the trans experience could’ve led to something so much more interesting? Sorry, sorry, I will return my expectations back to where they belong.

*Okay, fine, technically she’s fucking an alien-created robot.

The Morning Show: We Are Having So Much (Gay) Fun!

It is that wonderful time of the week again, where I get to update you on the Gay Happenings on The Morning Show!

The TMS team is in Las Vegas for the presidential debate! As you might recall, last week there was a lot of “who is going to moderate the debate” drama and machinations happening. It was decided that Alex would be representing the TMS family as moderator, and this week we learn that Bradley will be doing the pre and post debate analysis. Other important goings on: Cory is trying to figure out who is planting sordid stories about Hannah, the staffer that died last season, and stop them from being published. As ever, The Morning Show bravely asks why have two plots when you can have four thousand??

The UBA jet to Vegas is filled with our usual suspects, Alex, (having some sort of back pain that I imagine the writers think is a metaphor for the guilt she feels) Chip (Mark Duplass, in a performance that is the answer to “what if you anthropomorphized a pile of wet towels?”) and Bradley. And who is Bradley chatting with so comfortably?

It’s her girlfriend, (I guess???) Laura Peterson! Apparently Bradley’s gift card and desperate stoop hug worked wonders, and the twosome are giggling and chatting cozily. Bradley is suspicious but clearly pleased that an interview with Mayor Pete just happened to pop up on Laura’s calendar. “Well we didn’t get to spend Valentine’s Day together, so I miraculously called Mayor Pete, and he miraculously scheduled an interview.” First of all: LOL. Second, the only way I will believe this happened is that Laura literally called Mayor Pete and said “I need a work reason to get on this flight with my new, still closeted girlfriend, are you free for an interview and then drinks after?”

In the meantime Cory’s assistant Kyle is like “hey, do you know who is dating? Bradley Jackson and Laura Peterson!!!” Cory denies this, then immediately learns that the only thing he can do to keep the stories about Hannah being published is to exchange them for a story that is EVEN MORE SALACIOUS. Literally every time this is said they cut to Bradley and or Laura and Bradley, DO YOU GET IT?

There is a lot that happens in between the two scenes we get with our Girlfriends in News and Sex, namely Alex losing her shit and Mitch (Steve Carell) in Italy feeling bad about himself. The latter I care not at all about and I only care about the former because it gives me a reason to share this image of Marcia Gay Harden smirking.

She is “Maggie Brener” a Maureen Dowd slash Rebecca Traister type who is writing a dishy tell all book about TMS. Alex is terrified that this book will expose her for being…the person that she is, so when she sees Maggie outside her hotel in Vegas, she hides. Maggie clocks this and smirks, I give her a standing ovation. Alex will, later in this episode, confront Maggie in her hotel room in a very bonkers scene that has to be seen to believed. Unfortunately it does not get gay (THOUGH THERE ARE MANY OPPORTUNITIES FOR IT TO DO SO) so let us move on to the Girlfriends in News and Sex scene.

“I AM HAVING SO MUCH FUN!” Bradley yells from the floor where she is sitting (gay) and eating a plate of waffles. Laura laughs smugly from the adjoining bedroom doorway, clad in a gorgeous set of PJs. Thank god Bradley did not have to moderate the debate, imagine having to work instead of having sex and eating waffles? She does feel kind of bad for Alex though, because she is clearly having the worst time. “Don’t.” Laura says darkly, refilling her champagne. WELL. Much like myself, Bradley is like okay, you can’t just SAY that and not spill the goods, come on! Get to to spilling!

The goods are these. (I said that in the cadence of the narrator in Pushing Daisies, just to be clear.) Laura was anchoring at YDA, (a competing network where Mindy Kailing works) and doing very well when Alex came into town and started hanging with Laura and her friends. She learned that Laura was a lesbian, and not too long after Alex found out…YDA found out and fired Laura. Bradley is SHOCKED by this, which is amusing, considering how shitty Alex has been to her…forever? Of course, Laura can’t prove it was Alex and never really cared to find out, but the thing she can’t shake is much smaller than that. Sometime after she was fired, she saw Alex on the street, walking in her direction. “She saw me…and looked away, and crossed the street so she wouldn’t have to run into me. I never forgot that…and I never will.”

It is another shocking moment of….decent writing! If Alex did tell the network Laura was a lesbian and effectively ruin her career, of course that is the demonstrably worse thing. But that’s never the stuff that sticks, is it? No, it’s the little things, like being ignored on the street by someone you thought was a friend, that’s what festers. Bradley asks if Laura ever talked to Alex about it, but because Laura is a grown up lesbian with good boundaries, she decided that the chaos that surrounds Alex was not something she wanted to be a part of. I truly did not know that the writers of The Morning Show were capable of writing a well adjusted person, but I am thrilled by this lesbian representation!

Their couch cuddle is interrupted by a text from Cory, who wants to know why she didn’t pick up his call. It takes her like, three thousand years to get that he called her hotel room and not her cell, and of course she is not in her room, she is in Laura’s room for sex and waffles. Laura hints that he likes Bradley (he does) and rolls her eyes as she goes off to refill her champagne. Cory says he is calling for a morality check in, but what he is TECHNICALLY asking for is tacit permission to leak that Bradley and Laura are dating in effort to squash the bad press about Hannah. Laura returns just in time to say “Hi, this is so Cory can hear my voice and confirm that we are dating for plot reasons.” We are treated to an image of Cory looking shocked and wounded.

Bradley emphatically agrees that he should do whatever he can to keep Hannah out of the press, but of course doesn’t know that the story is..about her. That is all we get from our Girlfriends in News and Sex this week, so let’s talk about the elephant in the room, the elephant named “Chemistry,” shall we?

I am not particularly interested in the orientations of actors who play queer characters, personally. Most of time, I find bad writing and characterization the bigger issue when it comes to believing the portrayal of queerness on screen, and frankly, I believe in my heart of hearts that…many actors are a little gayer than we think. Julianna Margulies certainly is, per her Variety interview earlier this week.

And look, I love Reese Witherspoon! she is a National Treasure, she is charming and delightful and she is the reason we have an incredible Gone Girl movie, but…honestly, she might be the straightest woman alive? She cannot help but bring a “we’re just two gals at a sleepover” energy to every scene she and Julianna share, and it is kind of hard to get over. The other thing is, well, it’s The Morning Show. Everything about it is slightly off, so makes sense that this relationship is equally…perplexing. This is a show about many (many) things, but it’s not really about sex, and there aren’t not a lot of scenes where people are expressing sexuality or even sensuality. So not only do we have to contend with the gal pal energy from Reese, we have to contend with the show itself not being super comfortable depicting adult relationships. I don’t really have, a greater point to make here, I just wanted to get that on the record. As over the moon as I am for this silly show, I’m not like, actually blind to it’s faults.

As ever, I will be here to update you and guide you through any and all gay moments that happen this season! And if you like, you can read my old school, Television Without Pity style recaps via my (free) newsletter, Chaos! It’s The New Cocaine! where I am bravely recapping every episode in painstaking detail, yes, even the straight stuff.

“Twenties” Episode 201 Recap: A New Dawn, A New Day

Hello and welcome to the first ever Autostraddle recap of Twenties on BET, a half hour comedy that’s sometimes also a satire about an aspiring young Hollywood writer with an all-consuming lust for her mean femme boss, who by the way happens looks incredible in high heels (relatable content).

I’m Carmen, your intrepid recapper. Fun facts about me include that I’m the Editor-in-Chief of this website (if you’re new here) and I got my start in this internet writing business doing recaps for the later seasons Orange Is the New Black, the first two seasons of Black Lightning (let’s go nerds!), and the first season of Vida. Sadly, the more I moved up the editorial ranks, the less time I have for a weekly tv writing commitment. But, in an extremely sincere and borderline corny ass way, I LOVE Black People. I love gay shit. And last summer the Autostraddle editors decided that we wanted to more firmly put out money where our mouth is: If we value QTPOC created content, we need to be better using our platform to cover it.

So here I am, feeling very much like it’s the first time. It might be a little musty, crusty, and rusty at first — but if you stick it out as I shake off the dirt, I promise I’m worth it (so is Twenties). One last piece of business before we get to it, it’s rare that we start doing recaps of television shows in their second season, so here’s a mini-recap of what you missed:

• As previously mentioned Hattie is an aspiring writer who is not so subtly a take on Lena Waithe (producer, writer of the series. A fun fact here is that Twenties was actually one of the first projects Lena shopped around, long before she was hired for Master of None, we actually started covering it in 2013!!)
• Hattie has two best friends Marie (engaged, a little unhappy, TV executive) and Nia (yoga instructor and aspiring actress, forever believer in #BlackGirlSelfCare)
• Hattie works for Ida B. (the aforementioned crush), a television mogul who, despite all the flirting, we weren’t quite sure was gay last season but turns out she is VERY MUCH SOME KINDA GAY NOW BABYYYYYYYYYYY

Last season, Hattie was building an emotionally intimate relationship with her boss and mentor that lead to a lot of lusty dreams for them both (including an impeccable shot-for-shot remake of Dustin Hoffman and Anne Bancroft in The Graduate that was *chef’s kiss), but then Hattie betrays Ida’s trust by giving one of Ida’s personal — not her usual TV cash cow — scripts to Nia, who in turn uses it to audition IN FRONT OF IDA and promptly gets Hattie fired.

But as a goodbye/thank you situation, Hattie leaves a script she’s been working on with Ida. And in a plot twist fit for the lesbian gawds, Ida shows up on Hattie’s doorstep looking all kinds of vulnerable and good looking. Then everyone gets the kiss we’ve been waiting for, eight episodes in the making, right as the camera fades to black.

My Narrator Voice: In general I don’t approve of workplace romances cuz they messy, and in particular when you get into the power dynamics of a Hollywood showrunner and a writers’ assistant who’s barely one step above an intern… you see what I’m saying here. But in the interest of not having to point that out every recap, we’ll be operating under an understanding of “everyone’s grown here” unless Ida does something outta pocket. Ok back to the sexy, already in progress

I assumed that Twenties would pull a time jump on us, but no m’am — we hop right to with Ida B and Hattie knocking boots to Etta James “Sunday Kind of Love” and then Hattie rolls over, completely sprung because much like Martin Luther King she has been to the mountaintop (yes I’m making a height joke, yes Sophina Brown has quite a few inches on Jonica Gibbs). After you sleep with the woman of your dreams, there’s only one right thing to do in that situation, which is to badly sing Anita Baker and also tell her you want to marry her.

…. just kidding that’s actually not what you do, because if you have sex for the first time with a woman and then promptly tell her “I imagined marrying you and all my cousins throwing flower petals down the aisle” on 100% she WILL hop out of bed like you have four heads and run to put her clothes back on. Which is exactly what Ida B. does.

Then of course, at that same moment, Chuck, Marie’s fiancé, screams for Hattie to help bring a very drunk Marie in the house from her birthday party. Which is how Ida finds out that the bed they just had sex in?? Not even Hattie’s bed! It’s Marie’s! (Ida, thoroughly horrified: “Are you homeless?” My free advice to Ida, if that’s a concern then maybe you should try paying your assistants more sis). Hattie, feeling dejected, hardens quickly and encourages that if she don’t want her business in the street, she might want to try escaping via the back door.

Now the race is on. Hattie rush cleans up Marie’s bed to try and cover her sex tracks. But she misses Ida’s red lace bra (Marie: “Is that mine?” Chuck: “No, too small, by a cup and a half at least”) and that my friends is how Hattie ends up, once again, ass out on the street.

Hattie shows up at Nia’s front door with all her possessions in a trash bag that breaks (I am so thankful to never go back to my twenties) and promptly tells her bestie that she had no choice in the matter of desecrating Marie’s marital bed, one simply CANNOT make love to Ida B. on a futon. And you know what? Fair.

Nia wonders out loud if Ida B. is “gay or maybe she’s bi or maybe she’s one of those late in life lesbians, I saw a documentary about that” — which is some peak allyship, but when Hattie asks Nia if she has any of that fancy weed with lavender and grape flavored rolling papers, Nia responds that she only has CBD oil aka Diet Weed, which, of course, is not.

Now it’s the next morning and Nia is up bright and early, “greeting the sun and finding my center” because “we have to normalize Black women doing whatever they want whenever they want.” Amen.

Today is Nia’s first day acting on Ida’s show and before her table read, she fits in a quick prayer with Hattie (Nia: “My God is a she.” Hattie: “Say less.”) and then heads off to the studio lot.

Nia’s walk on set is filmed in black and white and has a jazz music overture like an old Hollywood studio film as Nia imagines herself as Diahann Carroll and I love the reference… in Season One it sometimes felt like Twenties was trying too hard to prove it was artsy or “different” from other Black comedies, but this comes across organic (well, for a satire), threading the needle, and it works.

Meanwhile, Marie’s day at the studio involves some unnecessary commentary about whether or not Black stories should have trauma in them? Which felt like a pretty dated clapback on some (arguably, fair) online discourse that Lena Waithe has often found herself in the center of, both after Queen & Slim in 2019 and Them earlier this year. It’s a distracting low point in an otherwise extremely fun episode, and honestly I’m not sure what it added?

The fact that all three best friends work in/or around Hollywood definitely allows for some moments to capture larger conversations — and listen I love a good, smart meta moment. But instead this conversation between Marie and her Black co-worker felt like it was missing the point. The plain truth is, Black stories don’t have to center trauma or violence to be good. Trauma is not the only thing that’s important. In fact, Lena Waithe’s best work doesn’t focus on trauma at all (case-in-point this otherwise DELIGHTFUL episode). So I’m going to do the charitable thing here, and skip merrily right along.

BACK TO THE FUN PART: HATTIE AND IDA, SITTING IN A TREE, T-E-X-T-I-N-G

Hattie, sitting at home positively sweating it out remembering ice queen Ida slowly taking off her red underwear last night, her cherry red lipstick, the way her chestnut curls frames her face, settles on texting: “Hey, how’s it going? I’m sorry last night ended like that. I’ve never made love like that before. You’re lips are God’s most perfect creation.”

Ida, strutting into work in an all white suit, texts back: “It’s your.”

(Did I mention, we love a mean femme.)

Later, after her table read, Nia meets Ida in person, and I think in trying to make a personal connection with her boss — she goes in for it, laying on thick: “You’re glowing this morning. I don’t know what your nighttime routine is, but it’s working.”

Realizing that Nia is talking about Hattie, Ida stops dead in her tracks. Long pause. Her stare down withers.

My Narrator Voice: Please note, this is now the second time Nia has stepped all the way into Hattie and Ida’s situationship, maybe we… don’t do that? To our closest friends? Once again, just here to give free advice.

Hattie pops by Marie’s office to let her know that she’s finally getting her professional act together, sending her script around to other writer friends, the Brownlist, and a few other programs. Do you see what loving a mean femme will get you? To quote the incomparable Natasha Rothwell:

Adorably, Hattie is still very much not over her little you’re/your problem, murmuring to herself the spelling of each version, depending on which one Marie is using throughout their conversation.

Whew! We’re almost done! Now back at (ughhh, not Hattie’s) home!

Hattie brings back some quality junkfood (no disrespect to Nia, but she couldn’t eat anymore cauliflower puffs and seaweed snacks) and prys for more information about life on Ida’s set. Nia somehow conveniently does NOT mention that she alluded to Ida that she knew Ida fucked her friend the night before, but she does give this perfect description of the studio exec:

Nia: She was Icy, yet warm. Relaxed, but very much in control. And even though she made me feel like I was the only person in the room, she still kept me at arm’s length.
Hattie, wistfully: That’s her speciality.

And that brings us to our grand finale…

This is where I stood up off the couch, paced circles around my living room, promptly SCREAMEDDDDD INTO MY ELBOW, and then rewound again, and, again, and again.

Hattie waits for Ida in the parking lot of the studio. It’s important that you know, she looks goodt. Since we are getting to know each other on this journey, and we will be back together every week, it is also beneficial for you to know that I have what we call… a type. And that type is a stud with deep dimples who loves books. Hattie is my type. My knees quite simply go weak. I cannot help it. And the Lorde saw fit to bless Jonica Gibbs with those dimples, and here she comes working them for every inch of confidence and swag that she has.

Jonica’s talent is magnetic. Most of the time Hattie is sweet and goofy in that way that lovable butches often come across on television, but then when you least expect it BOOM — no more jokes. It’s drawers dropping time.

Ida, still hot over Nia spilling the tea on their almost-relationship at work (well, more like alluding to the tea, but sure), tells Hattie she doesn’t want her business in public. She has a brand to protect.

Hattie asks if Ida thinks she is “young and dumb”

Ida responds that Hattie doesn’t even know the difference between “you’re” and “your”

Hattie knows the difference! She just was typing too fast.

Ida says that’s the problem, she’s too eager.

They get closer.

Closer.

C l o s e r.

And then.

And then.

Just when Ida finally breaks and leans in for the kiss, Hattie backs away.

“Careful now, we’re in a public place. You’ve got a brand to protect.”

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And that’s how I died.

Post-Credit Notes:

+ These recaps will publish Thursdays moving forward! Yesterday we published our roundtable, On Blackness and The L Word: Generation Q which took up the majority of my day. If you haven’t read it yet, you absolutely should.

+ I haven’t yet figured out how to best incorporate the BET Twenties Aftershow into these recaps? But for now I want to say that BET’s past transphobic treatment of non-binary host B. Scott was a really formative pop culture moment for me when I was first coming out, and seeing B. Scott, in a full crown and scepter and sparkly grown, finally get their due, moved me to my core. Between Jonica, Lena, and B. — there was Black queer joy in abundance. When B. greeted with their traditional, “Hey Love Muffins”? That shit was healing.

+ If you’re new to conversations around BET and homophobia and exactly what makes change moments like this so special, may I plug my own essay? Queen Latifah and the Black Queer Kids BET Never Loved

+ ICYMI we nominated Season One of Twenties for Two Gay Emmy Awards

+ I want Hattie’s Nina Simone sweatshirt

+ Too early to declare Jonica Gibbs and Sophina Brown for chemistry of the year or nah?

+ Amount of times I thought to myself that Hattie would be a mistake I’d gladly make: 2 (“Your my angelllllllllllll” and “careful now”)

+ Amount of times I thought to myself that Ida would be a mistake I’d gladly make: 1 (THAT STARE DOWN TO NIA)

+ Quote of the episode: “Why be ordinary, when you can be legendary.” — B. Scott

On Blackness and “The L Word: Generation Q”

When The L Word: Generation Q returned for its second season, we were so prepared to fall back into the messy gay drama and hot sex and, well, Bette Porter saying “fuck” but also this time hopefully “fuck me” and to a dark-skinned Black woman for the first time in the show’s history.

Generation Q Season One was not perfect in its treatment of Black and POC characters, but in many ways it was an important step away from the original series which famously privileged its white characters and treated its breathtakingly few characters of color as a joke or afterthought. There was so much upside and potential back then in August, when we were so young! And with nine characters, Season Two had more Black cast members than any other in L Word history. But as the second season progressed, a thread became more apparent: Generation Q was sidelining, undervaluing, and leaving their Black characters behind.

Autostraddle Culture Editor Shelli Nicole, writers Dani Janae and Natalie (who also compiled our questions), and Editor-in-Chief Carmen Phillips  got together to talk about the Generation Q’s second season, how it (often) failed its Black characters, and ask if there was anything good to left save or any room left to fix it.

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In our roundtable after Gen Q’s first season, we talked about the lack of melanin in Bette’s inner circle. So imagine that you’re Bette’s friend: give Bette Porter one piece of advice that her white friends won’t.

Natalie: Stop wearing those blazers?

Shelli: Get Over Yourself & Go To Therapy — You can afford it. Respectfully.

Dani: You say Pippa made you think about your Blackness and queerness in new ways, maybe spend even more time thinking about those things outside the context of your love life?

Carmen: I’m going to offer this up to the universe: Girl, Make Some Black Friends. You need Black people in your life that you aren’t related to by blood or banging. Ideally back in like ‘78 or ‘88 or ‘98. Ideally in 2004 (when The L Word first started). But most certainly now. You need it. Your daughter needs it. It’s time.

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 I don’t want to date anyone that I have to teach about Blackness.

Last season, Bette had an affair with Felicity but we never got to see that flourish into a full-blown relationship but this season she begins dating black artist Pippa Pascal (played by Vanessa Estelle Williams). What do you make of Pippa Pascal? How do you feel about her relationship with Bette?

Natalie: First and foremost: I love this casting choice. One of the issues that came up during our conversation last year was that Gen Q was lacking dark-skinned characters and so we’ve gotten that with the addition of Vanessa Williams to the cast. But also, it matters to me that it’s Vanessa Williams… someone who comes from Black entertainment — Soul Food, New Jack City, Candyman — and has cachet within our community.

Carmen: I completely agree! Casting Vanessa Williams specifically, given her long history in Black Hollywood, was so meaningful to me. It felt like we were going somewhere.

Shelli: I LOVE Vanessa Williams, and Gen Q is lucky that someone like her said yes to doing this role, and they should have def treated her better.

Natalie: That said, I want a reason to cheer for the character besides the fact that she’s played by a beloved actress… and, so far, Gen Q hasn’t given me a reason to? The problem with Pippa Pascal is that so much of her narrative is rooted in a past we didn’t see. Almost everything we know about her we’re told, not shown, and that makes it difficult — for me at least — to forge a connection with the character.

As to her relationship with Bette, two things stand out:

First, we’ve seen Bette fall for an enigmatic artist before and, knowing that Bette’s still carrying these unresolved feelings for Tina, it’s hard to get over that feeling of déjà vu. Is Pippa anything other than Jodi Lerner, V2.0? I’m not sure the show’s given us reason to believe she is.

Second, I’m wondering: we know that Pippa checks off all of Bette’s boxes but why is Pippa interested in Bette? I think about Bette telling Pippa that she’s reckoning with her queerness and Blackness in ways that Bette hasn’t; the show clearly means it as a compliment for Pippa but I take it as a slight against Bette (though I’m certain the show doesn’t intend it to be). How does that relationship work — and why would Pippa want to be in it, frankly — if they are so far apart in their understanding of their own queerness and Blackness, especially at this moment?

Their relationship just doesn’t feel authentic to me.

Shelli: I think you are absolutely right! We don’t know much about her. I can’t connect with her because I don’t know anything about her. I would have much rather them have spent the season introducing us to this character that Bette is literally obsessed with and then see it play out in the next season. It proves to me that they don’t write Black characters in mind with staying power, they write them so they can be disposable depending on what the audience thinks of them.

I don’t know who wrote those storylines but it gives major “This is my first Black girlfriend energy” and I hate it. I don’t want to date anyone that I have to teach about Blackness. There is a difference between you peeling back more layers of your Blackness while you are with me, as opposed to our relationship being the catalyst to you understanding it. Like — you should have just made her date another non-Black person if you were gonna do that.

Also, it seems like Pippa was quite literally minding her own business and would have been just fine fucking fangirl Bette — but they pulled her out of this element, only to hurt her in the process.

Dani: Yeah, it really made me sad that Bette kinda pulled her out of “obscurity” and promised to protect her only to do what Bette does, mess up a professional relationship with sex and let someone down in the process. Like Pippa is a mother too, a Black mother, and that could have been explored more too. She was checking off all of Bette’s boxes — I would have loved to have seen that relationship work and for Pippa to receive all the respect she deserves.

That said, I personally am Pippa Pascal hive.

Carmen: PIPPA HIVE!!!!

Dani: I wish she had more of a storyline than to be so carelessly discarded by Bette. Here we have a Black queer artist who is doing important work in the context of talking about race and sexuality. I would have loved to have seen more of that, like show Pippa working on her art, working with her student artists, more of that please!

Carmen: I make no secret out of the fact that I’ve been pretty firmly Give Bette a Black Girlfriend 2kFOREVER since we first were introduced to Felicity back in Season One. I was (and am!!) completely ready to go into battle for Pippa, who’s already become one of my favorite L Word characters. I didn’t have any trouble connecting with her. I appreciate that Pippa values strong boundaries and stands up to Bette; I always think Bette works best in Top4Top relationships. I loved when she called Bette out on her shit about still being hung up on Tina in the (ahem, infamous in my memory) chapstick sharing scene!

But I agree, we never got a sense why Pippa would be with Bette. Not to project myself, but I’m a queer Black woman who is, like Pippa, very into my queerness and my Blackness, so much so that, like Pippa, I’ve literally turned it into my job. I think that’s true of all of us here. And I’m not trying to be anyone’s identity experiment.

Even with all of that, do I hope Pippa and Bette stay together? I sure the fuck doooooo! If Bette leaves Pippa for Tina (who again, I must dutifully remind everyone when I speak of her, that she didn’t even want a Black baby to begin with and that’s how we were introduced to her character in 2004) — 100% that’s going to be my villain origin story.

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The excitement over Bette’s black girlfriend notwithstanding, there was a lot of consternation about the show’s treatment of its other black characters: killing Kit off last season, Quiara taking half of Shane’s money, despite the fact that she was the more successful of the two; Lena Waithe’s Eddie taking Shane’s money and then backballing Tess from the underground poker scene; Isis King’s blink and you missed it cameo as Claudia; and, of course, bringing Marcus Allenwood back just to kill him.

What do you make of what the show’s doing and how would you improve its treatment of black characters moving forward?

Shelli: It’s never been a secret that The L Word is not a world where Black queer folks heavily exist. They quite literally hate niggas and always have, this season was just the final stamp of them letting us know that. The reboot promised many a change, but it’s clear after two seasons that featuring Black queer folks in a fully fleshed out way is not and will never be something they care to do. This will forever be a show for thin, cis, caucasian lesbians.

The show thinks that doing things like giving Shane a Black ex-wife, bringing on Lena Waithe for a guest spot (are we not going to acknowledge that Shane quite literally stole her idea btw?), showing us Angie’s Black sister, bringing back her father (just to kill him and also for a portion of the show make it as though more of her Black family didn’t want her), and mentioning Black artists (I’m sorry but how the fuck do you not know who Kerry James Marshall is?!) is all they need to do to be diverse and inclusive — two words that Hollywood loves to use, but consistently executes poorly.

Dani: That Lena Waithe scenario was so fucked because we were supposed to empathize with Shane and it made Lena’s character seem so unreasonable. She goes from, “my wife can flirt with whoever she wants” to “fuck you, Tess is fired” SO QUICK. And that throwaway line about reparations!! *eyeroll* Like lol I need reparations after watching the treatment of Black characters in this show.

I think the whole storyline with Dani’s dad kind of overshadowed everything this season. We see that opioid-caused deaths are very personal for Bette, but we spend way more time watching Dani grapple over supporting her father’s heinous crimes.

It felt like the use of Black artist as a backdrop for the show was really unjust. Which brings us back to Pippa and her treatment. I get the cast has its core people, but that doesn’t mean you have to use Black art and Black issues as pawns to give your story some gravitas.

Shelli: Yes! Most of the Black characters on this show are an afterthought. Their plotlines are not wrapped up or even properly introduced. How dare you make a fictional show where the Black characters are so disposable, trauma based, or a tick on your checklist?

Natalie: After the second episode of this season — after Bette (OF ALL PEOPLE) #AllArtistsLivesMatters Isaac Zakarian’s offer of bonuses for BIPOC artists, and then everything about the poker storyline — I nearly quit watching the show.  I posited two questions on Twitter: 1. Does Gen Q have any black writers in their writers’ room? and 2. If so, do they actually have any power?

The answer to question #1 is yes, but within a certain context. As far as I can tell, Gen Q has one black writer in the writers’ room, Maisha Closson. To put that in perspective: last season, when the show told fewer stories about blackness, there were two black writers in the writers’ room (Regina Hicks and Francesca Butler). I cannot fathom how a show decides to tell more black stories in its second season and also decides to hire fewer black writers at the same time.

That brings us to the second question: Did that black writer actually have any power? The answer to that question is evident in the storylines that the show produced this season: No. That’s not a reflection on Closson — whose work I’ve covered and enjoyed when she worked on Claws and How to Get Away With Murder — but more of a reflection of what happens when there’s only one in the room. There’s so much pressure on that one person and those are impossible conditions for a writer to succeed under. So many TV writers have told us that.

If there’s more than one black person in the room, if there’s an empowered black person in the room… maybe they avoid these egregious missteps, maybe they don’t have the racial blindspots that this show clearly struggles with.

Shelli: That’s 100% true, this is what happens when there is only one of us in the room and I can only imagine the wild pressure. I’ve been there. Fighting on your own to be heard can not only be a losing battle but a fucking tiring one.

To me, them reducing the amount of Black writers while simultaneously attempting to insert more Blackness just shows how performative it all really is. I’m HEATED, like — fuck y’all.

Carmen: I knew that Regina Hicks (from Insecure) had left between seasons, but I had not fully realized the other writer had also left!!!! I am H O T!!!

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It’s very true that though Bette and Tina were so concerned with having a Black child, they never thought about building a life rich with other Black people to help raise that child, for her to see herself reflected.

Jordan Hull’s performance as Angie has really been a highlight of Gen Q’s second season. Perhaps her standout scene came in the fifth episode, “Lobsters, Too,” when she, Bette, Tina and Carrie all participate in a family counseling session with Micah.

Angie admits that part of the reason she wants to seek out her biological father is because she wants to know how he walks through the world as a black man. She also confesses that she wants to talk about race with someone who walks through the world being perceived as she is, rather than someone like Bette who can pass.

Angie: Also, you know that the two of us walk through this world differently, Mom.
Bette: I know. I mean, just because some white people mistake me for… Italian or whatever, that doesn’t mean that I don’t know who I am. And you know who I am.
Angie:I do. But it doesn’t change the fact… that you experience more privilege because of the way you look.

How did that scene resonate with you?

Dani: I enjoyed watching Angie call out Bette by saying “you don’t look like me and our experiences aren’t the same.” Like YES Angie! It’s very true that though Bette and Tina were so concerned with having a Black child, they never thought about building a life rich with other Black people to help raise that child, for her to see herself reflected.

Shelli: My favorite part of this season was Angie realizing that she needs more niggas in her life. She looked around and was like “DAMN — nobody here gets me.” Of course she feels that way — she comes from a family where her white mother questioned having a Black baby from jump, and her other mother is just now reckoning with the intersection of her queerness and Blackness after years of being out and surrounding herself with whiteness.

Carmen: Yes! Thank you. That’s exactly it.

Shelli: I just wanted to hold Angie — I am the aunt of three mixed race kids, two of them girls, who I know aren’t yet aware of who they are. I am their only Black aunt and they are surrounded by whiteness in every area of their life, from school to home and it’s been tough for me with their mother to not continuously overstep my boundaries. Not to get into too much detail about my personal life, but these kiddos have been heavily separated from their Black side of the family.

It’s hard to grapple with because I am not their parent, but I do love them and have responsibility to them as their aunt. When I look at what Angle is going through it assures me that I am doing the right thing by often overstepping those boundaries I spoke about earlier — sometimes sacrificing my relationship with their mother in order to show up as the person/example that they need.

If you make the conscious decision as a non-Black parent to have a Black child, you must think of their future. It’s 2021 and folks still don’t understand that, you don’t have to do the most but you have to fucking do something in order to minimize the possibility that they go through what Angie currently is. Be honest with your children and raise them with awareness of who they are to the best of your ability.

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Bette makes a point, a few times this season, to Pippa that “You are reckoning with your own queerness and your Blackness in ways that I have… barely begun to unpack for myself.” How would you like to see Bette’s reckoning with her blackness and queerness play out on screen? Or is that something that you want to see?

Shelli: I HATED THIS. I don’t know if it’s even something I wanna see at this point. What the writers are basically trying to do, when they write lines like this, is apologize for the years that they put Bette’s Blackness on the back burner. I DON’T ACCEPT IT. They have made Bette such a type of character when it comes to her Blackness, I don’t feel bad for her in any way and it’s WILD that I don’t have empathy for a Black character.

Carmen: Oh actually I still have a lot of empathy for Bette! (call me her #1 apologist). She is absolutely being written as that type of Black person who doesn’t have any Black friends or connection to her community, and maintains a certain type of armor around it. No doubt. And is that the kind of person I keep in my personal life? Absolutely not. But I think there could be real depth there, because that is the reality for a lot of different types of Black folks, and they should also have some guidance on their journey. I wish the show would explore that with more honesty and nuance.

Natalie: See, I think people should get upset… or, at the very least, be disappointed. The original L Word ended in 2009 and Generation Q was supposed to be the opportunity to right the wrongs done by the OG series. Instead, it’s just perpetuating the same narratives and emphasizing the same POV (that is, white cis lesbians) that we saw in a show that debuted 17 years ago. And the show has the talent… these actors are so talented… but the writers fail them all the time. And, listen, I’m not asking the show to soar to extraordinary heights — all shows can’t be Vida — but saying, “hey, let’s not kill any more black people on this show” or “remember that trans lesbians exist” feels the lowest of low bars.

Shelli: That’s when I knew I had to make the decision to either keep watching the show and waiting for them to give me what I deserve as a Black Queer person, (from a show on a network with enough money and resources to do just that) or just watch it knowing what I’m gonna get and not complain anymore — what’s the saying in preschool? “You get what you get and you don’t get upset.”

Natalie: But, back to the question: A reckoning of blackness and queerness? With this writers’ room? No thanks. For chrissakes, hire more black writers or just leave our stories alone.

Dani: We never see Bette reckon with it! At least not on screen. The moments where she could have were overshadowed by other plot points. There’s someone very close to me in my life that grew up passing as white, and that person really reckons with that every day by using their art. Bette, an art lover and someone with a lot of capital, doesn’t really do that. And I hate that they have written her this way, because it would be soooo interesting to see her play out that journey on screen. I think the actors involved with the show are great. Jennifer Beals has the range to go there, but they aren’t letting her, and that’s a huge disservice.

I get it, the show is supposed to be fun and sexy, but if that’s the case why tackle the opioid epidemic in such an intense way, but leave Bette’s Blackness off the table? Are the writers afraid to really get down to the bones with that topic? Are they afraid to get it wrong? It just doesn’t feel like they are even trying. You have the power to hire more Black writers! To do research on passing narratives! All of that. The resources are there!

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Give Rosanny Zayas more to do than to look pensive in response to whatever white woman she happens to be talking to at the moment.

Let’s talk about the Suarez sisters! What did you make of Sophie and Maribel’s storylines this season? Where did you think the show succeeded in providing their characters with the depth we were hoping for and where do you think the show failed?

Natalie: After Gen Q‘s first season, I was hopeful that the show would allow its new queer characters of color to take center stage. When it was announced that Jillian Mercado would play a bigger role this season, I thought I was getting my dreams fulfilled. But, oh no…

*Deep Negro Sigh*

I wanted more of the Suarez sisters. I wanted more of them together — family’s such a central part of Sophie’s story in the first season and it’s missing for the most of this season — and I wanted more for their individual storylines.

Give Rosanny Zayas more to do than to look pensive in response to whatever white woman she happens to be talking to at the moment. Don’t sell Micah and Maribel’s story as groundbreaking and as such important representation — though it clearly is both of those things — and then completely leave them out of multiple episodes! These actors are so talented and deserve so much better than what this show is giving them.

Dani: For Sophie, her whole storyline gets wrapped up in loving and caring for an alcoholic. And, to paraphrase beloved Autostraddle writer and podcastor Analyssa, as a person of quit-drinking experience, the show majorly gets that wrong too. I won’t spend this space pontificating about what alcoholism looks like and how movies and TV routinely get it wrong, I promise. But all we see of Sophie is her playing the grieving wife. She’s either dealing with Dani this season or running after Finley, and it’s not fair.

For Maribel, I thought they did a little better. Again, to reference are friends at the podcast “To L and Back”, they kinda made her unnecessarily combative and mean this season. I think it’s supposed to come off as no nonsense and “take no shit,” but she truly just comes off as not nice to be around. That said, I think the sex scene with her and Micah was really great! I loved seeing them tackle that.

Carmen: Yes, the Micah/Maribel sex scene was a season highlight, hands down. And I am glad that both Jillian Mercado and Leo Sheng have gotten a lot of good press this season off of that relationship, because it is important (and they have excellent chemistry together).

I actually think that Sophie and Maribel’s storylines had the easiest fix – they just need each other. The fact that Sophie was so connected to her family is what made me fall in love with her in the first season; she literally said that being around them made her feel freedom like she could breathe, it was such an authentic take on being an adult in a Latinx family — and one not often depicted in queer media, which for very real reasons often doesn’t portray a lot of biological family support — without falling into sterotypes. Bringing back Jillian Mercado in a larger capacity should have solidified that fact (and I loved knowing that Rosanny Zayas had another Dominican to play with on set), and instead it went so far in the opposite direction.

Even if you are a fan of Sophie and Finley, I think it’s safe to say that Sophie’s life blew up when Finley showed up at the wedding. She’s navigating all those waters without her sister? She’s grappling with Finley’s (poorly written) alcoholism, and where is Maribel? The only time we see the Suarez sisters cope with either of those very serious things in Sophie’s life, it’s to fight in front of the rest of their family. I call bullshit, that’s not how this works. They maybe would fight big, but they would make up big as well. Maribel wouldn’t leave her side. Conversely, Maribel is starting a relationship with one of Sophie’s best friends and roommate and where is Sophie in any of this? No way she wouldn’t be teasing the hell out of Maribel. And to that point, it’s not lost on me that one of the best scenes in the entire season, easily, is when Maribel, Micah, and Sophie are all together at Karaoke Night at Dana’s and Sophie fakes a phone call ON HER HAND to give the other two space.

Why didn’t we get to see more of that!?!? You have this rare opportunity with these two Afro-Latina actresses, to tell a Latinx story that we almost never get on television (have they ever even acknowledged that Suarezes are Dominican?? We know Dani’s entire family history), and you’re barely even using them! And Sophie is supposed to be one of the main characters! Why is it that after her backslide with Dani, her entire storyline is centered around her (white) boss or her (white) girlfriend. It’s negligent.

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Generation Q hasn’t been picked up for a third season yet but if you could tell the Generation Q writers’ room one thing about Season Three and where they should go next, what would it be?

Natalie: First, I hope this show gets renewed, I truly do. I want this show to exist, I just want it to be better.

My advice: Hire black writers. Hire trans women writers. Do better.

Shelli: Honestly? Do us right or leave us the fuck out of it. I’m unsure if I’d watch another season.

I don’t have advice — I have questions and I TRULY want them answered.

What is their excuse? What do the creators and writers have to say for themselves? Let me hop on an IG live with them Ziwe style and put them on the spot and get some fuckin’ questions answered about why this beloved dykey show hates niggas so much. I don’t want their percentages, I don’t want to know about their diversity training, I don’t care about the amount of light research they did on AAVE or any of that shit — I want to know why they don’t care about Black queer people.

What is literally stopping you from flushing out Black characters? Why isn’t your writers’ room as Black as it should be? Why do you clearly not care about what your Black viewers think? Why should we keep giving you chances? Are you reading all the articles and tweets except the ones that critique how your show handles race, colourism, and more? Why are you not allowing Bette to actually evolve.

Dani: I don’t know if this is allowed for a roundtable, and not to compare two bad bitches, but Work In Progress is shown right after The L Word and the Black characters in that show, though secondary to Abby, are more flushed out than the primary Black characters on The L Word. And I find that FUNNY.

Shelli: The way I love Work In Progress is wild, they are so unafraid to get things wrong that they often get them right. Also, they have the greatness that is Sam Irby and many other Black folks behind the scenes. But it’s wild to me that a new show, without the following of The L Word (yet) manages to find many a nigga to work on the show and do the damn thing

Dani: Not only does The L Word need more Black writers, they need better writers. And I’m being empathetic: I know we need to move storylines along, but the way they are doing it is leaving behind a lot of casualties. I really wanted a fat, Black character this season, but now I don’t trust them to treat that character well.

Shelli: There is no way in hell that I want them to touch that, not after this season. Look what they did to Rosie’s charecter — they opted to make her the fat, butch person who is insecure and constantly comparing herself to everyone else, when in reality she is hot as shit and far doper than any of them could be.

Dani: The thing is — I complain, but I watched it every week. I rolled my eyes and screamed at the screen, but I watched. If all they care about is appeasing white Bettina shippers, they are failing to right a lot of the wrongs they set out to correct.

Carmen: That actually sums it up for me. Because ultimately it is about who’s the audience at this point, right? There were more Black characters on The L Word this season than its entire history, and I’ve never felt more isolated from the show.

I don’t know how that gets fixed, to be honest. I do hope that Generation Q gets renewed, because there is nothing else quite like it. I love the experience of watching people gather together at watch parties, making the same jokes together online. Despite all odds, it somehow becomes the only thing we want to talk about the entire time it’s with us, you know? It’s as much a community experience as it is any TV show.

I wish the creators of the show understood that. Black queer people are in this community. Trans queer people are in this community. And we deserve to get lost in a good time, too. We deserve fun, messy, sexy storylines. Just as much as any cis white woman over 50.

“Batwoman” Episode 301 Recap: We’re All a Little Bit Mad

We did it, Joe! We made it through the hiatus to season 3 of Batwoman! To those of you who joined us on this ride last season, it’s great to see you again! And if you’re new here and found this show during the hiatus and thought to yourself “Why yes I AM interested in Black Batwoman, thank you for asking”, welcome! My name is Nic and I am your friendly neighborhood Batwoman recapper who loves nothing more than to yell about how attractive this cast is and how goddamn Black this show is getting.

Without further ado, let’s get into it, shall we? Last season on Batwoman, Kate Kane’s plane crashed leading everyone to presume she was dead and Ryan Wilder to take up the mantle of Batwoman; Kate came back with Wallis Day’s face and gave Ryan the blessing she didn’t know she needed in order to be the Batwoman that Gotham didn’t know it needed; Alice got locked up in Arkham; Luke found his dad’s Batwing suit prototype; Ryan found out her birth mother is still alive; and many of Batman’s trophies (including poison ivy!!) went missing.

And speaking of the missing trophies, we start with an incredible opening sequence where two men find the Mad Hatter’s hat washed ashore and post it to an online auction site. It’s soon snatched up by Alice’s biggest fan (obviously) who notices some kind of tech lighting up the inside of the hat. He channels his best Free Britney impression and vows to get the world to see how wronged Alice has been.

Oh how I’ve missed Ryan and Luke’s sibling-esque banter, y’all. The two are taking down some dudes at what appears (and is later confirmed) to be a pot farm while discussing various sidekick nicknames for Luke. Or are they discussing nicknames while taking down some dudes? Either way, it’s a hilarious and fun reminder that “Batwing” isn’t actually canon yet.

MEANWHILE SOPHIE MOORE IS DOING HER THANG AT THE HOLD UP MAKING OUT WITH AND THROWING WOMEN UP AGAINST WALLS AND THIS IS FINE. And listen, I don’t think I ever claimed to be impartial in my shipping. This is a Wildmoore stan recap. But if on the way to Wildmoore we get a Sophie ho phase?! Sign. Me. Up.

Ahem. Anyway. Alice is in her cell at Arkham reading postcards from her dad over an incredible cover of “It’s My Party” when a guard comes up and tells her she has a visitor.

Back at the pot farm, Ryan and Luke are still workshopping nicknames (10 points for “The Dork Knight”) when they find the shipment of poison ivy the men were hoping would expand their marijuana crop. The plant is way bigger than the friends remember, and Luke casually suggests that someone probably just got it wet?!?!?! Sir. I’m new to the plant game, but I feel like a smidge more concern is warranted based on the rate at which that plant grew. No? Just me? Anyway, just as more goons start to attack, Luke’s suit malfunctions which is…worrisome.

Back at Arkham, Alice is hella excited for the visitor she thinks is her father, but to her disappointment (and my DELIGHT) it’s a different Kane. Mary is graduating med school the next day and came to check on Alice at their father’s request. Alice tells Mary that dear old Jake has been writing to her and Mary can’t help but let a bit of jealousy show. Before Mary leaves though, Alice wants to talk about Ryan. We’re barely into the episode and already I feel like everyone has upped their game this season. Rachel Skarsten is a powerhouse, we know this, but where she really shines is in the smaller moments (of which there are many in this episode) or even in the borderline comedic ones like when she knocks on the glass and motions for Mary to pick up the phone again. 10/10. No notes.

Down in the Batcave, Ryan and Luke lock up what they think is all of the poison ivy and Mary brings them their tickets to her graduation. Homegirl only graduates med school once and Gotham is literally always under attack, so she will accept no “save the world” excuses for her friends missing her special day. Mary then recaps her trip to Arkham and ends up down a “I can’t believe my dad is more worried about Alice than me” spiral. She even does an impeccable impression of Alice telling her to ask about Ryan’s birth mom. Ryan acts all “couldn’t be me” and doesn’t fess up to what Alice told her at the end of last season.

Meanwhile, the Mad Hatter Copycat is recording an Alice support video down in the sewers when two dudes show up and start making fun of him. Mad Hatter immediately tells them to pay her some respect and for reasons the dudes can’t understand, they comply. The hat lights up and Mad Hatter realizes he can control their minds, so naturally he instructs one of the dudes to kill his friend, and he does.

Cut to a very leaky office and a sleeping suited woman who’s no stranger to Gotham as a concept, but seemingly new to this particular version. Why, it’s Renee Montoya played by the extraordinary Victoria Cartagena!! For those of you who might not know, Victoria played the same role on FOX’s Gotham before the show did her dirty and I unceremoniously stopped watching. Many folks on my Twitter feed (including notably, our very own Valerie Anne) cried out for #JusticeforMontoya, but I don’t think we could have imagined our dreams would come true in such spectacular fashion. Victoria is already bringing the heat to the CW’s Montoya and I cannot wait to see what she has in store for us going forward.

A janitor wakes a sleeping Montoya to tell her that ye olde Mad Hatter appears to be back in wreaking havoc in Gotham. Montoya heads to the crime scene where a none too happy detective wonders why she, the head of the Rogues Unit, is even there. She ignores his tone and proceeds to get a description of the perp from the shaken up victim.

Down in the Batcave, the team is reviewing the same Mad Hatter footage and thus, identifying yet another trophy gone missing. Apparently the OG Mad Hatter was a neuroscientist named Jervis Tetch (you kind of can’t not be a villain with that name) who developed mind control technology to force people to listen to him, and built that tech into the hat. Good news though — Luke’s dad figured out how to disrupt the hat’s radio waves, so the team gets busy.

Ryan decides to pay dear Alice a visit to get more information about the blonde’s biggest fan. Alice claims not to know anything about the Mad Hatter, and instead prods Ryan about her birth mother. Ryan holds firm that the woman she always believed to be her birth mom (Nia A. Wilder) (and yes, I put the name into an anagram solver to see if it yielded any clues, leave me alone) died during childbirth. The two trade barbs about who’s the most lonely girl in the land and despite Ryan insisting she has her friends, somehow Alice knows that she hasn’t told those friends about her mom. Before Ryan leaves, Alice drops a cryptic hint about the Mad Hatter planning a tea party.

And now it’s time for my favorite event, ladies night!!! To steal a quote from Alice, I’m just a girl, standing in front of the CWDCTVLGBTQ goddesses, begging for a crossover game night with Ryan, Mary, Sophie, Kara, Lena, Alex, Kelly, and Nia. IMAGINE THE CUTE CHAOS.

Ryan is trying to celebrate her roomie’s accomplishments, but all Mary and Sophie want to talk about is Alice and the Mad Hatter’s tea party. Mary, upon seeing Ryan’s agitation, is like “Bet. Subject change.” and immediately pivots to asking Sophie about the revolving door of women she’s had going through The Hold Up lately. Sophie isn’t about to be ho-shamed though, and stands by her right to date multiple women. (Girl, I hear you, but can one of those women be Ryan though? Asking for a friend who is also me.) Ryan missed the fact that Kate is no longer in the picture, so Mary lays out the familiar “they’re exes but also friends because it’s too complicated to be anything else right now but also there are still feelings” queer trope. Sophie (and I) notes Ryan’s sudden interest in her love life and Ryan claims she’s just glad someone is getting it in. It’s not too long before the subject returns to Alice and Ryan storms off, so Sophie goes to check on her. *eyeball emoji*

Sophie very sweetly nudges Ryan to talk about what happened at Arkham, I stop breathing, and Ryan visibly relaxes as she shares everything Alice told her about her birth mother. My stanning aside, these two have come such a long way since they first met last season. Ryan has gone from giving Soph nicknames like “Crowphie” to trusting her with information she hasn’t felt comfortable sharing with Mary or Luke. Sophie knows just how hard to push Ryan to get her to open up without feeling attacked or pressured. She’s created a safe space for Ryan and you could almost see the weight lift off Ryan’s shoulders as she let go of that secret.

Sophie offers to help Ryan get more information about her birth mother and she gets right to it, making calls and hacking mainframes, and doing all manner of probably illegal activity for her girl.

Meanwhile, Montoya meets up with the new mayor to talk about the Mad Hatter Copycat. We learn that the previous mayor hired Renee for the Rogue Unit because she knew Batman’s old foes would be looking for their evil toys again. Remember how Ryan and Luke thought they got all of Poison Ivy’s poison ivy? Well it turns out, there’s a clipping of it making its way around the dark web. Huh. I wonder if Bridget Regan’s heard of the dark web…anyway! Despite the new mayor’s resistance, Montoya refuses to let this turn into Jim Gordon’s Gotham again. And I don’t know if that was an intentional burn on her former show, but I read it as such and WE STAN.

It’s graduation day and for some reason there’s a two-drink limit at the ceremony. No matter, Ryan is BEAMING when she sees Sophie coming down the stairs. Unfortunately, Sophie comes bearing confirmation that Alice was right about Ryan’s birth mom. The same shady doctor who signed “Nia’s” death certificate also signed Ryan’s birth certificate. He was paid $2M to cover up a woman’s pregnancy as an ovarian cyst and make it look like she died during childbirth.

As Mary practices her speech and she sees all of her classmates looking happy with their families, none other than the Mad Hatter stops her in the hall and Mary knows exactly what’s about to happen.

In the audience, the Bat Fam looks SO PROUD of their girl, but as soon as Mary starts talking, they realize this isn’t her speech. The Mad Hatter is using Mary as his puppet and mouthpiece to make a statement about the corrupt healthcare system, including how quickly someone like Alice gets labeled as “crazy” and is immediately locked up. The team realizes the Mad Hatter is using the mind control tech, so Luke send a frequency to Sophie and Ryan’s earbuds to keep them from being controlled. Mad Hatter instructs Mary to surgically remove each of her professor’s organs until he dies. Luke realizes they can’t just take him out, they have to get him to reverse the mind control, and the only way to do it is by breaking Alice out and getting her to convince her biggest fan to stop.

It’s circle share time at Arkham and no sooner does the doctor tell Alice no one is coming to save her, than Ryan bursts in to do that very thing.

Back onstage, Mary is starting with the professor’s unnecessary organs, giving Luke time to get up to the roof to set up a device to disrupt Mad Hatter’s future commands.

Batwoman and her bo staff take out the remaining Arkham guards, but Alice doesn’t want to leave. She shows Ryan the postcards from her father, but it turns out the “postcards” are nothing more than magazine clippings and napkins. Alice’s mind led her to believe she was actually reading words her father wrote to her. Now, while I am in therapy and will shout about it from the rooftops, I’m not a mental health professional, so take what I say with a grain of salt. I love Alice and I love the very thin line Rachel and the show are walking with regard to the effects of Alice’s very real trauma. I really hope they continue to deepen the conversation about that trauma without leaning too heavily into the “Alice is crazy” camp. If there’s a show that can do it, it’s this one.

Ryan tells Alice that if she helps them, Ryan will let her go. Alice agrees and joins Ryan in the Batmobile en route to the graduation. The two sit in silence for a bit before Ryan asks Alice if she wants to talk. Almost imperceptibly, Alice says there’s no point and pivots to a quip about not wanting to meet her future boyfriend while in her Arkham jumpsuit. Oh hello deflection, how you doin?

Back onstage, Mary’s taken out all of the non-vital organs and Sophie discovers a loophole! If they kill the professor, then it fulfills the mind control and they can just shock him back to life! Easy! Much like myself, Sophie has clearly completed a 17 year residency at Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital so I see nothing wrong with this plan. They’re not the only ones with a loophole though, because Mad Hatter cuts off the breaker to stop the frequency, and instructs the crowd to choke themselves with their stethoscopes. Sophie’s plan works though, and Mary manages to get her mind back after bringing the professor back to life.

“Legends of Tomorrow” Episode 701 Recap: Big Top (Energy)

Greetings! And welcome to this recap of Legends of Tomorrow Season 7, Episode 1, “The Bullet Blondes,” aka the one that’s a bit of a circus.

And I know it hasn’t really been that long since the Season 6 finale, but I’m so glad these goofballs are back. This episode was classic Legends, top to bottom, so let’s get right into it.

The citizens of Odessa, Texas, 1925, are filing into the Sheriff’s Office one by one to report the strange goings-on of the night before. Glowing lights, dinosaur-looking creatures. The sheriff seems vaguely unamused but looks like perhaps he’ll look into it.

Back on the range, we find our Legends where we left them, their captains newly married, power walking to the Waverider, when a ship that looks alarmingly look the Waverider explodes their Waverider.

But this time we get to see past Astra’s, “What the hell?!” exclamation as the team surveys the damage. Spooner wants to just portal back in time to that imposter Waverider and give them a piece of their mind, and Sara loves that idea.

They do a classic, dramatic Legends ready-up montage, and just as they’re all ready to do their thing, they realize their portal watch is out of juice and they’re stuck in 1925.

They start to devolve into a bicker, undoing that beautiful teamwork they just did, but then Gary mentions something about the old models of the Waveriders having a failsafe, and Ava remembers she added one to their Waverider, too. A black box of sorts, that would have emergency equipment like a backup portal watch and memory flasher, which would have come in handy when the pastor came knocking at the door asking what all the strangeness on the Cruz range was about.

The team splits up to find the black box, Behrad dutifully checking on his newly heartbroken sister. Zari channels the Fancy Zari of old and tries to brush it off, doing her best to sound less sad and more annoyed that Constantine blew her off with only a mysterious key to remember him by.

Not having the honeymoon of their dreams, Sara is leading Ava through the rubble, trying to find the box while simultaneously calming her panicky wife down. She reminds Ava that where Sara is chaos, Ava is order; they are a storm and a lighthouse, a pirate ship and her anchor. Together, they are unstoppable.

Spooner and Astra are looking too, but Spooner can’t use her tracker skills on a space box. Astra tries to whip up a little locator spell and suddenly I had a vision of Astra and Lena practicing magic together and I need to lie down.

The spell tells Spooner and Astra that it seems someone found the black box and moved it, so they follow its trail.

Team Spatula follows the trail to the Sheriff’s office, and sees the pastor handing over the black box, but wisely heads back to the team before interfering.

They have to create a diversion, and Ava knows just the rule they could follow: Rule 44. And fortunately, Rule 44 has explicit instructions on what kind of cover story they should use: a circus. Turns out, you can hide just about anything under that big top without question. Zari loves this idea because it’s the chance for a group makeover, including herself, which is just what the avoidance doctor ordered.

Spooner and Astra decide they’d rather not be part of this circus, so they sneak off to fix the porch together instead.

Sara sends Nate and Ava, the whitest and straightest-passing of the group, to the sheriff’s office to try to get the black box back while she gets to work faking a circus.

Once Zari approves their looks, they head to town to tell the locals about the circus and how that explains all the strange things they saw and heard last night.

And, much like I would be, the town is charmed by that blue-eyed wink and doesn’t question anything she says. Her story is helped along by Zari and Behrad saying they’re animal handlers, and Gary showing some fire tricks, calming the people slowly but surely.

Ava and Nate go to talk to the sheriff, Nate deciding his cover will be that he’s J. Edgar Hoover of the FBI. Ava almost blows their cover by getting the presidents wrong, but they manage to wiggle their way back to the ranch, box in hand.

Before the rest of the Legends get back ot safety though, a little girl asks Gary when the circus is, and he panics and tells her that it’s tonight, on the farm. Which is not how this cover story is supposed to go.

The team is furious with Gary but when they see that Nate and Ava have the box, they figure they can just undo all this anyway.

But then they open it and it all but “womp womps” in their face, being empty of useful things. All that’s inside is a time bureau manual, a bag of Behrad’s weed gummies, and a note from Rory saying he took the spare portal on a beer run. And frankly good riddance.

Sara desperately tries to keep their spirits up since her partner in time travel is devolving quickly. They try to figure out all they know about 1925 and what they can do about their predicament, and Ava finds a protocol in the time bureau handbook (TBH) that says they should just stay put.

Sara says if they’re going to be here when folks arrive for a show, they better be ready to put on a damn show. Astra still hates this plan so she sneaks off again, and Spooner tries to explain to her mom what is going on when Gloria comes home to a lot of shenanigans going on in her living room. She’s a little surprised to hear that she’s hosting a circus, but she’ll accept any trouble that comes from it if it means protecting her little girl.

Spooner realizes what all this unwanted attention will do to her mother and decides to call the whole thing off. Sara hears her and apologizes and says they’ll just skip town instead.

That settled, Spooner looks around for her #1 and realizes Astra is gone. Gary is the first to find her, and she’s using magic to try to put the Waverider back together. Gary recognizes it as a resurrection spell and warns her against it, but she’s trying to be stubborn like her mentor.

Meanwhile, in town, the Sheriff sees a picture in the paper of the real Hoover and realizes he dealt with imposters, and before you know it the real Hoover is at his doorstep, saying he suspects the Midland Gang, a band of bank robbers he’s been after.

“Supergirl” Episode 615 Recap: Hope Floats

Hello and welcome to this recap of Supergirl episode 615, “Hope for Tomorrow,” aka the one with Esme’s two mommies.

Previously on Supergirl, Nyxly went to the Netherlands because totems shmotems, Kelly and Alex saved a little girl from failure fosters, and Lena made herself right at home at the Tower.

We open on Kara flying in through Kelly’s apartment window with arms full of toys, cheerfully greeting Alex, who is painting a mural of hopes and dreams. Everyone is very excited to meet Esme. Kara is so ready to be the best Aunt ever, and help ease this little alien into life on Earth the way Mama Danvers did for her.

Alex is excited but also very panicky in that very Alex way. When Kelly comes home with Esme and leads her to her new room, Alex is so nervous that she won’t like anything, she starts rambling and saying she can change whatever she wants as Kelly and Kara watch, amused.

Alex introduces her to Kara, who tells her that she was adopted too, and gives her some stuffies to join Lovey, the zebra friend Esme already has. They introduce her to J’onn and she shakes his hand because she’s THE CUTEST.

She goes to put Lovey on a shelf and starts to fall through a wall, but J’onn catches her. Scared, she listens quietly while Alex holds her and says that she has mimicking powers and that she’s sorry she didn’t warn her that J’onn was an alien.

But then Esme squeaks out a teeny apology and Kelly pulls her close too, promising she didn’t do anything wrong. A phrase that cannot be undervalued.

Up on the glam rock spaceship, Nyxly is annoyed that CatCo is reporting that the Superfriends are the heroes and Nyxly is the villain, but Nyxly is the hero of her own story. She says there wouldn’t have to be so much fighting and chaos if the Superfriends would just leave her to her totem-fetching tasks. But she’s no stranger to someone rewriting history to benefit themselves; most notably, her own father.

Mitch gives Nyxly a bracer infused with the courage totem to pair with her power dampening cuff to give her a little bit of magic. She can now wield the power of courage…and thus, fear. So now all she needs is hope.

Next we go back at Kelly’s apartment, where I presume Alex lives now? RIP the loft? Anyway, Kelly and Alex talk about Esme and Alex feels so bad about how spooked Esme got within ten minutes of being in her new room. All Alex wants to do is protect her. Kelly understands, she feels it too, but she also feels so, so lucky to be starting a family with Alex. And they’re going to give Esme everything she’s been lacking in her life so far.

Plus, they can and will help her with her powers. They’re the perfect family for a little alien girl.

At the Tower, Brainy is asking what kind of block set he should get little Esme, and Lena and Kara IN UNISON say he should get her a train set. IN UNISON. Lena says it’s because then she can go wherever she wants, and Kara says she would have said the same exact thing.

Brainy tells Supergirl about Nyxly being spotted at the Hague, so she and J’onn go to stop her. She tries to freeze them with fear, but frankly they’ve seen worse, so they manage to break through. Nyxly gets away, blasting everyone with courage totem energy as she goes, but she doesn’t take the totem with her, so it’s a net positive.

Back at the Tower, Alex introduces Esme to Lena, and Esme promptly says the truest truth the way children often do and tells Lena she’s very pretty.

Alex asks Brainy for help learning more about what kind of alien Esme is, and after he rattles off a story, she declares him funny. She’s a smart one, this kid.

Meanwhile, Kara activates the Hope totem, and her gauntlet is to inspire hope that will last, which J’onn thinks he has in the bag.

When Kara gets back to the Tower, she finds Lena there reading her grimoire, trying to find a charm that will act as security around the humanity totem in case it calls into the wrong hands again. Kara updates Lena on her day and her new gauntlet and it’s just everything I wanted from this relationship. Granted, with a little less kissing, but you know what I mean. Lena fully, fully integrated into the team, Kara leaning on her, etc.

Kara is worried about what will happen if she fails the gauntlet like she did with the courage totem, but Lena feels pretty damn sure her hero Kara Danvers has a head start over Nyxly when it comes to solving a hope-based puzzle.

When Alex comes up and asks Kara if she can help instil some hope in a frustrated little girl trying to reckon with her powers, they figure this is as good a place as any to try to start to solve the gauntlet. Lena even says, “el mayarah” to Kara as she goes.

Alex introduces Esme to Supergirl, but between Esme’s obvious genius and also her power sensing abilities, Esme immediately knows Supergirl is Kara and Kara is Supergirl.

Alex tells her to keep it a secret and Kara begins her lesson; they figure that especially since Esme will probably be around Aunt Kara a lot, it’s a good place to start helping Esme gain control of her powers.

Kara is so good with Esme, gently coaching her through superhearing, listening to Alex’s heartbeat, and every time she starts to get a little overwhelmed, Alex just encourages her to push through it, to keep trying.

But she realizes this may be the wrong approach when Esme and Kara overhear an accident outside and Esme calls Alex horrible for making her listen to that and runs off.

Up on the ship, Nyxly is starting to feel hopeless about her hope gauntlet. She knows she’s no match for the literal Paragon of Hope in this regard. So she decides to take a different route. She’s going to force Supergirl to finish the gauntlet, then take the totem; all three of them, in fact.

All she needs is a little… leverage.

In The Hague, J’onn is trying to keep the diplomats from Kaznia and Corto Maltese from declaring nuclear war on each other, but they were affected by the totem so they’re proving hard for him to keep calm. The American woman who is there for some reason, I think they said she’s the secretary of defense but I’ll be honest this totem business was side plot to me this episode, anyway she wants him to brainwash the diplomats into doing what she wants because probably that’s what they would have wanted but J’onn refuses.

It’s Not Too Late to Get Into Your “Twenties”! An EXCLUSIVE Clip of the Season Two Premiere

Let’s talk a minute about Lena Waithe’s Twenties on BET. It entered the game already making history, with Jojo T. Gibb’s Hattie stepping into the spotlight as the FIRST Black masc lesbian to ever serve as the protagonist of a major television show. They ended the first season walking away with multiple Gay Emmys nominations (Outstanding Comedy for the show and Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy for Gibbs). And now it’s back! And we have an EXCLUSIVE CLIP of it’s Season Two premiere, thanks to BET!

Before we get into it, where did we leave off? Season One followed Hattie (Gibbs) as she worked as a writers’ room assistant for Ida B. (Sophina Brown), Black Hollywood mogul and legend. Ida and Hattie have an extremely.. well there’s no way to put this, but HOT flirtationship happening all season that’s mildly inappropriate for the workplace, and it ends thusly:

“Hattie heads home only to find Ida B. on her doorstep. It’s not just a surprise to see her, but also that her hair is pulled back and her cheeks streaked with tears, Hattie’s script in her hands. Ida’s power mask is off and she sweeps Hattie up into a hot, hot final kiss for the season.”

OK! And NOW! Here we go….

I straight up started rolling laughing somewhere around Hattie badly singing Anita Baker (“my angellllllllll”), and I didn’t stop right until the end of the clip.

I did the math on this, and if you somehow missed the first season of Twenties, there’s only 8 (just 8!!) half hour episodes, which is a short 4-hour binge. A sprint, really. You could both start it and end it tonight, and STILL have plenty of time to be prepared for the Season Two premiere tomorrow night on BET.

And trust me, you’re gonna want to do that. Not just for Hattie’s dimples, though I mean look, ok — you see them, and not just because Ida’s hot enough to melt lava, but because WE ARE BRINGING YOU FULL EPISODE RECAPS OF TWENTIES, RIGHT HERE ON AUTOSTRADDLE. STARTING WITH THE SEASON TWO PREMIERE, THIS WEEK!

It’s pretty rare that we do full episode recaps of half hour comedies, it’s even more rare that we start full recaps in the second season of a show. And that alone should tell you how hype we are for this one.

Season Two of Twenties airs October 13th (that’s tomorrow!) at 10pm ET/PT on BET and BET HER.

“To L and Back” Podcast Episode 210: Last Call

Get on in here to listen to the last episode of To L and Back of the season! Last week I said that things were starting to get capital-S Serious and well, I wasn’t wrong. Relive the head-spinning relationship escalations of Tess/Shane and Alice/Tom! Yell with us about Finley’s intervention! And obviously, obviously, let’s all gasp together about that ending! And friends, because it is our final episode of the season, I will be honest and brave in this post and say: I did not dislike this episode as much as my pals Drew and Riese!

But more than anything I will be honest and say we’ve had such a blast recapping this often infuriating, always entertaining television program this season, and we hope you had a blast listening. If we made you laugh or cry or even just roll your eyes, please consider donating to the Autostraddle fundraiser! And let’s all keep our fingers crossed for another season, because as Riese says, even when we hate it…we love it!

• DONATE TO AUTOSTRADDLE!
• GO LISTEN
• SUBSCRIBE
• LEAVE US A (NICE) (PLEASE) REVIEW!!
• FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM!!
• FOLLOW US ON TWITTER!!!

SHOW NOTES

• Riese’s recap for Episode 210
• If anyone wants to brush up on the Ten Commandments and the films of the same title
• Drew says Bette dating Pippa is like if she was dating writer/director Desiree Akhavan
• The To L and Back episode recapping original L Word intervention episode “L’Ennui”
• How the New York Times Bestseller list comes together, according to the New York Times
• How to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, according to the Walk of Fame
• Riese recommends this documentary on the Sackler family and their crimes
• Drew has forced my hand and now I must share the essay I wrote on The Recovering and sobriety!
• I am once again linking this essay about how Gen Q has previously mishandled sobriety storylines
• Can you BELIEVE this timeline of Gen Q’s season 2 timeline that Riese put together? Her mind!!!

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Drew: Hi, I’m Drew.

Analyssa: I’m Analyssa.

Riese: And I’m Riese.

Drew: And this is—

Drew, Riese, and Analyssa: To L and Back: Generation Q Edition.

Riese: The final chapter.

Drew: At least of Season 2, but maybe forever.

Riese: Yeah, it hasn’t been renewed yet.

Drew: But maybe by the time this episode comes out, it will have been.

Analyssa: And they’re really asking for that renewal at the end of this episode, aren’t they?

Riese: Yeah, they’re really submitting a strong bid to the people for a renewal of the series. But you know, like the 10th commandment, it is over for the season. Do you know what I mean?

Drew: Like there were 10 commandments, there are 10 episodes of the season.

Riese: Yeah. Exactly.

Analyssa: They could’ve named every episode after one of the commandments.

Riese: Exactly. They should have. And this one would have been, “Though shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife.”

Analyssa: That was a really good pull.

Riese: Oh my God, I’ve peaked, I’m done.

Analyssa: All I could think of was steal or lie, and I was like, well—

Riese: What’s the one that’s really weird and specific to the olden days?

Drew: I was just thinking, there are 10? Wow.

Analyssa: I tried to do this before because, Catholicism, I don’t know.

Riese: I’ll have to watch the film. Maybe I’m thinking of how there’s one of the Bill of Rights is weird. The one about how you shouldn’t be forced to have an army in your house.

Analyssa: How you can’t be forced to quarter a soldier. One of the 10 commandments was like, you can’t be forced to have God in your home, I guess. Yeah, there’s the one about false idols, which is always kind of interesting to me.

Riese: Oh, yeah. Maybe that’s… Yeah.

Analyssa: Which is kind of you actually can’t—

Riese: Kind of dated.

Analyssa: …have God in your home.

Drew: I have seen both 10 commandments movies, the silent one and the one from the 50s with Charlton Heston, so. Fun facts.

Riese: Wow. Well, I’ve seen a number of movies starring Kristen Stewart.

Drew: Well, that’s nice. And we’ve all seen this episode of Gen Q, which is episode 2:10, Last Call. It is directed by Marja-Lewis Ryan. It is written by Marja and Christina Brosman. Christina Brosman is a new writer on the season and is a new writer on television in general. Her previous credits are showrunner’s assistant on Girls and writer’s assistant on Camping. So this person is coming from Lena Dunham land, which I will present without comment.

Analyssa: Should we do it?

Drew: Yeah, let’s get into the episode.

Riese: Well, I’m already upset.

Drew: Because of the intervention?

Riese: An intervention is a last ditch, after someone has failed at sobriety multiple times. And the point of the intervention is for people to share specific details about how this person’s addiction has harmed them, which they refuse to do.

Analyssa: I want just upfront to say that I have decided to rebrand. I’m leading with love and light this episode. I was drinking a cookies and cream milkshake while I watched it.

Riese: That’s so nice.

Drew: Oo, that’s smart.

Analyssa: That kind of improved the experience. And I just feel ready, once again, to lead with love and light. I just wanted you to know that going in.

Drew: I’m going to still be an angry bitch.

Analyssa: And that’s totally fine. I think it will be good for all of our balances.

Riese: Yeah, I’m going to be leading with love and light, but I’m going to fail at it, and I’ve already failed.

Analyssa: No, I agree. It really genuinely does not make any sense. However, since I was, as aforementioned, leading with love and light, I have just simply decided that this is a story that they wanted to tell. I don’t understand why it’s happening, and I’ve simply decided to not think about it too much.

Riese: Okay. That’s going to be tough for the podcast.

Analyssa: So true. I’m just going to keep going. I have no thoughts.

Drew: That sounds so pleasant. Just like Alice brought a meat and cheese plate, and you’re just like, “Yeah, she did.”

Analyssa: She did. And I loved that. The thing about it is like, Riese, I think you said this in your recap, there’s so many ways for Finley to have realized that she has hit a bottom, that we haven’t seen a ton of on television that could have been really interesting and nuanced. She could have had to go to AA as a result of her drunk driving ticket or felony or misdemeanor, whatever the outcome of that was.

Riese: I think it was a misdemeanor.

Analyssa: I guess it is a misdemeanor, right?

Riese: Because she would’ve had bail if it had been a felony. Although maybe she did and they just left that out. And also it would have only been a felony if she’d breathed really, really, really, really high, because it would be her first offense and she didn’t injure anyone, so.

Analyssa: There are so many other ways for her to have realized that she does in fact have a problem and be kind of taken aback by that and knocked out of her seat. And instead, we’ve skipped, once again, like 16 steps, and we’re like, “The only way for an alcoholic to know that they’ve hit rock bottom is all their friends circle them up and tell them that,” which is just—

Riese: And it’s not going to work for Finley, because she’s just going to feel embarrassed. It’s also not going to work in so far as, again, you do an intervention when someone has failed at sobriety multiple times.

Analyssa: This was kind of the thing I was trying to get to with the Sophie big fight too, where I kept being like Finley’s just going to say, “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Riese: Yeah, “Like give me an example of what—”

Analyssa: This hasn’t been broached ever, except for in this drunk fight with Sophie, and that seems to be the extent of it. So to have someone walk into a room and be met with a lot of people who are like, “We’re really worried about you. We think that this is important for you to go off to an inpatient program,” is such a wild jump.

Riese: Leap.

Analyssa: Anyway, Alice did bring a meat and cheese plate, which I loved.

Riese: She also points … She’s like, “I’m just in my 20s.” Well, first of all, she says like, “It was just one night,” and then Micah is like, “It’s not just one night,” and I was like, “Oh really? Tell me more.” No. But she was like, “What about you guys in your 20s?” And she said that to Shane, and I was like, that’s not a bad point because what did Shane do for the entire original series every time she was upset? Alcohol and drugs. Cops had showed up, which is the sign of whether or not you’re an alcoholic, is that the cops are there, she would have been charged with a felony DUI. She did crash a car while drunk and on coke into a highway overpass and stumbled home with blood on her face.

Analyssa: Sophie says she thinks it feels fast, and I was like, I agree.

Riese: Yeah. Finally.

Analyssa: Here we are. Yes. Thank you.

Riese: But also, Alice being like—

Finley: I mean, what the fuck were your 20s like, dude?
Shane: No, don’t do that.
Alice: Mine were amazing.

Riese: So funny.

Analyssa: There are some really good lines in the last three episodes, where we’re like, “This doesn’t make any sense.” That’s true. They do get their little quips off, and good for them.

Drew: I really liked Finley saying—

Finley: Is there a German word for a surprise party with like, really bad vibes?

Drew: I enjoyed that line.

Analyssa: My note was, “the general word is intervention.” That is by definition a surprise party with horrible vibes.

Drew: Yeah. So Finley’s like, “I’m not going to this fancy rehab facility that Alice is going to pay for,” and is like, “Bye.”

Riese: Which I think is because of how it was broached more so than I think — because first of all, who wouldn’t go to a fancy… I mean, she’s basically sending her to a spa. Even if you weren’t addicted to anything, you would say yes, but she’s humiliated.

Drew: It doesn’t make any sense

Analyssa: You know who is not leading with love and light? All of these people in this room. There’s no attempt to explain why they’re worried about her. There’s no time to explain the—

Riese: Yeah, why are they worried about her? How has their drinking affected any of them?

Analyssa: What the scary nights are, why we’re doing this now.

Riese: What?

Analyssa: So of course she doesn’t want to go and she storms out.

Drew: Yeah. Then we go to Bette and Pippa in bed.

Analyssa: They’re deciding which rhinestone cowboy hats to wear to the CAC gala tonight.

Drew: And I at this point in my notes wrote, “Imagine if she chooses Tina, LMAO.”

Analyssa: I want these two women to be together in a big way, and that’s simply not what my future is. Even from this scene, you can tell.

Riese: When Pippa’s getting dressed and putting on her oversized flannel and fussing with her hair, she looked really cute.

Analyssa: She’s so beautiful.

Drew: I mean, I don’t want to be shallow, and I don’t want to be mean to Laurel Holloman or Tina, but it’s just—

Analyssa: Even not a comparison. She’s extremely beautiful. She’s emotionally—

Riese: Wildly talented.

Analyssa: Wildly talented. Bette has been obsessed with her for years. First of all, you’ve landed your biggest celebrity crush.

Drew: Like, what?

Analyssa: She’s emotionally available and competent.

Riese: This is it. This is the jackpot. You’ve hit it.

Analyssa: Also, remember this list that Bette had at the beginning of this season of all the qualities? We’ve done it. We checked them all.

Drew: Yeah. Imagine if I was dating Desiree Akhavan, and I was like, “You know what I’m going to do? Steal my ex from Rosie O’Donnell.” No, how thrilling? My ex is with Rosie O’Donnell and we get to all hang out and I’m dating Desiree Akhavan? That’d be amazing.

Riese: Yeah. That’s the dream right there. Also, Bette does something that I do all the time, which is, she tries to make a statement that she thinks will be cute to Pippa. She’s like, “I’d feel even better if you were there,” and then Pippa’s like, “Really?”

Analyssa: What does that mean? Say more.

Riese: And then I’m always like, “Oh, damn it. That’s not what I meant to say.” But she basically is like, “My instinct is that you still have feelings for Tina.” And you know what? Carrie has that same instinct, and also Drew has that same instinct.

Analyssa: And you know what they say about instincts, three instincts do not make a wrong.

Riese: Yeah, three instincts make one intervention, and everyone gets spa water. And that is the circle of life.

Analyssa: The other thing that happens here is that Bette takes a call from Tina, and Angie doesn’t want to go to Marcus’s funeral is what we learn.

Riese: Yeah, I don’t think she should have to go to his funeral.

Drew: I don’t think so either.

Analyssa: I also don’t think that. Speaking of Angie, I would like everyone to take a moment to welcome back to the stage caring, thoughtful girlfriend, Jordi.

Drew: Yes. Prom is over and she is back focused on being her actual character that was established in season one.

Analyssa: She’s attentive, she’s receptive.

Riese: She was just like a prom-zilla, right?

Analyssa: But she seems to have bounced back from losing prom incredibly fast.

Riese: Absolutely. Yeah. You have to bounce back from losing prom. Again, Drew bounced back from losing prom.

Drew: I did. And I really lost prom.

Analyssa: Yeah, you lost prom in total. We didn’t have prom queen campaigns at my high school. It was a write-in-ballot. Everyone was thought to—

Riese: Oh, ours was you pulled names out of a hat.

Drew: Oh, wow.

Analyssa: You went to such a strange school, I forget all the time. Angie is puttering around doing planning for some weekend trip where she wants to share a room with Jordi. Hello? And Kayla texted her saying that she wants to see her, and Angie is freaking out about whether she wants her to go to the funeral, and then Jordi comforts her. And as we’ve stated on this podcast, we love a hug between girlfriends.

Riese: A nice loving hug.

Drew: Jordi goes full Goodwill Hunting, and just keeps being like, “It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault.”

Analyssa: Speaking of girlfriends, Gigi and Dani both have some very high-necked blouses on.

Riese: Yeah, they look fantastic. They look like they’re about to go step on some girls on the internet.

Drew: Oh, I wish I was that girl on the internet.

Analyssa: God, I wish that were me. So they’re walking in for court. Although I did note that this was a little bit close to when Bette and Jodi matched that one episode, and so then I got a little nervous.

Riese: Yeah. The episode, the endless breakup.

Drew: Oh boy.

Analyssa: It wasn’t color scheme matching, but the necks on the blouses were just a little too close for comfort.

Riese: It was a little Romy and Michele.

Analyssa: Oh, that’s fun.

Riese: Apparently, Dani’s meeting Gigi’s family tonight, and that’s exciting. And then I guess Dani, she’s going to trial and someone walks by and is like, “Your dad is guilty,” or something.

Analyssa: And fully shoulder checks her. It’s very high school locker room.

Riese: What is her dad charged with?

Drew: Well, eventually we’ll find out that he’s killed a bunch of people.

Riese: Yeah. And this is not what they established in season one.

Drew: No. No. And there’s no talk at this point of any of the morality of any of it. So at this point, I’m like, what? I guess we’ll solve it somehow, sort of. I don’t understand what the show … If it is as bad as they then frame it to be, then Dani is terrible.

Riese: Yeah. Dani should not be—

Drew: For even considering going along with it. We’ll get to it, good for her, I guess, but like, what?

Riese: If this is what they were doing, why didn’t they tell a whistleblower story? That would’ve been so much more exciting. And they could’ve had a protest of 10 to 15 people with signs drawn, hand-drawn by Bette Porter with lots of colors.

Drew: Oh, which I realized when I was pulling the stills for socials, that the way they say the chant in the protests in the last episode is weird. They don’t do like, “Hey, hey, ho, ho,” they just go, “Hey, ho,” and the beat is off. Anyways, that’s not important, but—

Riese: It is. It is important.

Analyssa: Gigi has to do a quick emotional check-in because she has to do one of those before noon every day or she will wither up and die. I don’t know.

Drew: And I do love that for her.

Analyssa: And I thought it was very funny that Dani was like—

Dani: If I need anything, I’ll ask, ok?
Gigi: Ok.

Analyssa: Gigi has fully therapized her.

Drew: It’s beautiful.

Analyssa: And then Gigi does one of the things I really dislike on TV, but as Drew knows, I don’t talk to myself very frequently. Drew does. Sorry.

Drew: No, you can reveal that.

Analyssa: And I don’t love on TV when someone delivers a line that’s supposed to go to the person. Dani goes, “I’ll let you know if I need anything,” turns around and walks away. And she simply cannot hear Gigi at this point, and Gigi goes—

Gigi: I hope that’s true.

Analyssa: I don’t know why, it just bugs me.

Drew: I would do that.

Analyssa: I don’t think it’s how people speak.

Drew: I think I might. But you can be bothered by me.

Analyssa: Well, it wouldn’t bother me because I wouldn’t know that you were doing it.

Riese: You wouldn’t even know.

Drew: Right. Great point.

Riese: You guys could have had so many conversations that you don’t even know. Who knows what your relationship really is?

Analyssa: What pithy one-liners is Drew getting off when I go to my room.

Drew: I would only do it if it was like … I don’t know. It’s probably because I’ve watched so much television that there are things that people don’t do but now I do them because they’re on television.

Riese: I started talking to myself during the pandemic.

Analyssa: I make a lot of little noises.

Riese: Because I realized—

Analyssa: I’m like a “boop boop boop beep” kind of person, instead of an out loud vocal reactor.

Riese: I just realized I could be talking to myself, and why not?

Analyssa: Yeah. You can be your own best friend.

Riese: Sometimes I found now if I’m really upset at somebody, instead of actually telling them I’m upset about them, which would get us closer to solving the problem, I just talk to them all day out loud, alone, revising my monologue that I will deliver to them, but I don’t. Yeah, so that’s one way to really thrive.

Drew: Let me know how that works out for you.

Riese: Yeah, I’m doing actually fantastic. So then—

Drew: Speaking of people who are doing fantastic.

Riese: Bang, bang, bang, time.

Drew: Shane and Tess are fucking.

Analyssa: Getting it on.

Drew: And then Tess brings up Finley while they’re fucking, and that is a choice that I wouldn’t make.

Riese: She’s like, “We have to fire Finley because we’re enabling her by letting her work at the bar.” Tess is really sticking… Who Finley is, what Finley needs, that’s not relevant. What’s relevant is her preconceived notions about what a person needs to get better, and she is going to impose them on this situation regardless. And that is dedication.

Drew: It feels like the writers read a WikiHow article about your friend’s an alcoholic and have just been going from there.

Riese: They definitely didn’t read one called How To Do An Intervention, because if they had, they would’ve seen that they shouldn’t do one and that that wouldn’t apply to this situation.

Drew: Maybe they didn’t even read a WikiHow article, they just watched a bunch of movies where other people had not read WikiHow articles.

Riese: I honestly think they watched Intervention.

Drew: Oh no.

Riese: You know the TV show, Intervention?

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Yeah, I know it. I was going to say, maybe they’ve watched the Intervention episode of Private Practice, but I actually think that’s a great episode, so I would never bring it up here in this context.

Riese: Another great intervention episode is “L’Ennui” from season one of The L Word, when they have an intervention with Tina and Bette about how boring they are.

Drew: Oh, that is a fun one.

Riese: I thought of that often during this episode and how fun that was.

Drew: You were like, “I wish I was watching that.”

Riese: So she literally interrupts Shane to talk about, which is awful. And then now that that’s already been ruined, then her mom calls and she says they need to hire a new GM. And then she’s moving to Las Vegas. They can do long distance. It seems like a good option.

Drew: Yeah, it seems like a great option.

Riese: Great option.

Analyssa: It’s a really short distance, by the way.

Drew: I’m in a long distance relationship right now. That person’s in another country.

Riese: I am too. My girlfriend lives in Santa Monica.

Drew: Exactly.

Analyssa: Santa Monica on a bad day is about as far from here as Vegas, I think.

Riese: It feels as far. It does feel as far as Vegas. And the other thing about Vegas is that, and I apologize to anyone who lives there, I will say I have been there like 20 times. I dated someone who was from there, so I’ve stayed there extensive periods of time, so I’m not speaking from ignorance. I would not want to live there really.

Drew: In Vegas?

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Yeah, that’s fair. And I don’t imagine it would be a great place for Shane either.

Analyssa: More to the point, Shane owns a whole bar in Los Angeles. Physically—

Riese: Yeah. This is probably where a therapist is.

Analyssa: She owns a whole business. It’s not just like, “Oh, I could find another job.” What are we going to do with the bar?

Drew: Also, this is maybe callous, but where are we led to believe Tess’ mom is at as far as her health? Is she dying?

Analyssa: How long is this trip going to be? What is the—

Riese: And speaking of time, which we shouldn’t, because I have now analyzed the full scope of time on this series and it will be better if we just ignore it, Tess and Shane have been dating for, I don’t know, a week?

Analyssa: Yes. But you have to remember that they’ve been in love since the first moment they saw each other.

Riese: That’s true. So that was about two months ago.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Drew: Yeah. She says they can do long distance. She does ask Shane to go with her.

Riese: I would never do that, ever. I would never ask anyone to come with me.

Drew: I mean, if someone was my partner of four years, maybe.

Riese: Yeah, absolutely. But someone of two weeks?

Drew: That’s insane.

Riese: I would be like, this is definitely going to freak them out.

Analyssa: I feel embarrassed that I asked Drew and Alex to move in with me, and we’ve been friends for years.

Drew: I’m really glad you did.

Analyssa: I am too. But sometimes I’m like—

Drew: And it was also, I was looking for a place.

Analyssa: Right. There were reasons.

Drew: You didn’t ask me to move to Vegas with you. I would’ve said, no. Actually, I did have a new girlfriend ask me to move to Vegas with her, and I said, yes. And then I started having panics about it and was like, “I can’t do it.” And then I didn’t move to Vegas.

Analyssa: To Vegas specifically?

Drew: Yeah. Which is interesting. I can’t believe I didn’t think about that until this very moment. I’ve lived so much life.

Analyssa: I do think there’s a shared queer experience here of being asked to move somewhere or asking someone to move somewhere a little prematurely. Saying that gently because I’ve done it. Anyway, something I’ve never done is watch Great British Bake Off, but—

Drew: Oh, I have.

Analyssa: So is Alice.

Drew: Yes. Alice is doing a bit with Paul Hollywood. We don’t see Paul Hollywood, he does not make a cameo. That would’ve been very bizarre and fun.

Riese: Yeah, that would’ve been a funny… They didn’t have any cameos this season, really.

Drew: Not really.

Riese: Oh wait, they did. Lena Waithe.

Drew: We didn’t have any people being themselves like we did last year. We didn’t get to see Alice interview someone on her show except old lesbians, who might’ve been their real selves. We never settled that.

Riese: They weren’t.

Drew: They weren’t.

Riese: I found them in the casting call.

Drew: Oh wow.

Riese: So I don’t even know if they were gay.

Drew: Wow. Betrayal.

Analyssa: Alice comes off stage and is talking to Sophie about her last days on set and says that Sophie can stay at her place while she goes on her book tour. And Sophie’s like, “I’m not moving out. Why would I?”

Riese: What I like is no one ever answers these questions.

Drew: No, no.

Analyssa: What I like is that… No, what I don’t like is that Sophie should’ve just taken her up on that regardless.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Oh yeah.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: You could go stay in Alice’s fancy house?

Riese: Bring Finley. Yeah.

Analyssa: Obviously.

Riese: Yeah. I would say yes, because I’d want to stay in her house, because it would be nice.

Analyssa: Right.

Riese: But also the other thing is that Sophie’s house is really nice too.

Drew: Yeah, that’s a good point.

Riese: Because it’s TV. That’s the problem. You can’t really offer this on TV, because people in TV live outside of their means.

Drew: Right.

Riese: That house that Sophie lives in where her and Micah are paying the rent for the whole thing?

Drew: No.

Riese: No.

Analyssa: Right.

Riese: That’s like a $5,000 a month house.

Analyssa: Yeah. But if my boss were going out of town for a book tour, and was like—

Riese: For 12 weeks.

Analyssa: “You could stay in my home,” I simply absolutely would.

Riese: Yeah. Well, Tom arrives with the magazine. He’s like…

Tom: Say hello to a cis man named Tom.

Riese: I thought that was funny.

Drew: Yeah. He’s very excited that he was written about in the press, and it’s cute.

Analyssa: And he’s glowing.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: It’s very cute.

Drew: But then things go south, because Alice gets a bad review from the New York Times, and she decides to take that out on Tom, which sometimes you do that with the person who you’re dating, but again, they haven’t been dating long enough for you to do that. But again, I just, we’re going to keep it moving.

Riese: Yeah, we’re going to—

Drew: That’s the sort of thing where you would do that to someone who you’d been with for… I know he was her editor, so there’s also that, but I’m still just like, you just hooked up with your ex and it was this whole thing. Can you just try to be a little bit chill?

Analyssa: Be nice to him.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: I thought it was a bit about his face was also very fun.

Riese: Yeah, that was funny.

Analyssa: He’s like, “What do you mean, ‘What do I look like?'”

Riese: Also, I liked that he reminded me of me in this thing, in that he didn’t realize Alice was actually mad at him at first. When she was like, “Who’s responsible for that?” And he’s like, “That would be me.” And then he slowly was like, “Oh, wait a second. She’s legitimately mad.” Yeah. Should we go to the shops?

Analyssa: Our queer elder trio are terrorizing a container store on the east side, I don’t know.

Riese: Another episode of “let’s project our own things onto everyone else’s things.”

Analyssa: Absolutely.

Riese: Bette literally tells Shane to move to Las Vegas, because when you find love like that, you shouldn’t let it go.

Analyssa: Hilariously, because I brought this up last episode, Bette has not given one piece of advice all season. In fact, people have directly asked her, and she’s like, “I simply couldn’t say.”

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: “I don’t have the answer for you.” I don’t think Shane even asked if she should move with Tess, and Bette was like, “I have an answer for you. Here’s what you should do.”

Drew: I mean, if my friend was dating Jamie Clayton—

Riese: Okay.

Drew: I might be like, “Yeah, you don’t want to… Yeah, you might do whatever you got to do.” But I do think they can just make long distance work.

Riese: Yeah, because it’s not like she’s moving there permanently.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: And if she does then Shane can eventually move there.

Drew: Yeah, they can figure it out.

Analyssa: Right. There are some plans to be made in Los Angeles, with regard to, again, Dana’s bar.

Riese: Yeah. Owning a company is a lot of responsibility. You’re kind of stuck with it forever.

Drew: Also, Bette’s complaining about how Pippa thinks that she’s in love with Tina, and Alice… They’re sort of like…

Analyssa: Alice is like, “LOL, you are.”

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: “Sorry.” And they started going down this like questionnaire of, “Well, what if this happened? And what if Tina showed up, then what if…”

Drew: Shane shares that Carrie is having cold feet, which is… Whew, boy.

Riese: She’s like…

Shane: If Tina was to show up at your doorstep right now…
Bette: Well, I wouldn’t know, because I’m here with you.
Shane: And she says, “I’m in love with you. And I want to try again.” What do you say?
Alice: Oh my God, what would you say?
Bette: It’s a flawed premise.
Alice: Seriously?
Shane: Okay. You know what? I wasn’t going to say anything, but Bette, if you were having any doubts about Tina getting married—
Bette: I’m not having any doubts about Tina getting married.
Shane: Carrie is having cold feet.
Alice: Wait, what?
Bette: How do you know that?
Shane: All I’m saying is if there was ever a time to win her back, I think it’s now or never.

Riese: And then Bette is like, “Hmm.” And I’m like… “Mmm.”

Drew: I’ve never liked Tina more than when she’s with Carrie. Why are they… Why are they… Why?

Analyssa: Well, because.

Drew: Because of the people in our comments sections who are thrilled about it.

Riese: I mean, I’m not against Bette and Tina.

Drew: God, sometimes I forget our outer age difference.

Analyssa: Sorry, they’re shopping literally for Tina and Carrie’s wedding.

Drew: Yes.

Riese: Right. When is that happening?

Analyssa: When’s the wedding? How far away is it?

Riese: Palm Springs, apparently. But I don’t even know what day it is.

Drew: At least no one’s interrupting at the altar.

Riese: Right.

Drew: It could have been worse.

Analyssa: If you’re buying gifts, the venue has been reserved, there’s dates in mind. So this is a whole thing. I did think it was very funny that Shane called Alice’s show basically just bits. She’s like “You just do little goofs. You don’t really do anything.” And also I would like to ask how many blue suits that Alice owns?

Riese: She looks cute in this one.

Analyssa: This one is good.

Riese: I love it.

Analyssa: I liked the Dumb and Dumber suit also.

Riese: I like this one better.

Analyssa: You know what my favorite monochrome look of the season is? Remember when she was wearing that emerald green collared tank?

Riese: Oh yeah.

Analyssa: And the green pants?

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: I loved it.

Riese: Alice’s clothes this season have been so good.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Yes.

Riese: Then my whole mind is blown when we go to court. The smallest court for the biggest case I’ve ever seen.

Drew: Yeah. The witness says that Dani’s dad is responsible for the death of half a million Americans.

Analyssa: Directly responsible, because he knew that something was extra addictive, wherein extra—

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: And he actively covered it up.

Drew: And this is apparently the first time that Dani has ever heard about this, or even heard rumors about this, because she starts to have a bit of a panic attack.

Riese: But what was her dad even… Were the Sacklers arrested? Weren’t they just investigated and fined? I don’t think a Sackler is sitting in jail.

Drew: No.

Riese: They would be put on trial, and their punishment would be money. They’d have to give money.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Like the Sacklers have to give billions of dollars to rehabs.

Drew: Yeah. I don’t know enough about the Sacklers.

Riese: I have seen maybe five documentaries about the opioid crisis, and have read maybe five longform articles about it, for a total of maybe 25 hours of immersion in this topic. And I don’t understand where this family fits into the bigger narrative. Because apparently the Sacklers also exist in this world, but they’re also not mentioning Purdue Pharma, which manufactured it or anything. And I just can’t really figure out—

Drew: I think you might know more about the real life scenario than they do.

Riese: I actually would agree with you, because I… And actually, we still don’t really understand why was he arrested, why did he get to leave if he was arrested. Because he was saying the board lied to him about stuff. What does that have to do with anything? What was the FBI raiding his home over?

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: What does his company do? I thought they did real estate.

Drew: Yeah. I don’t—

Analyssa: I have no idea.

Drew: I have no idea, but I do know that finally Dani has understood that there are moral implications to people dying. And Gigi encourages Dani to leave, and the lawyer is like, “You can’t. That’s not how this works. You’ll be held in contempt of court.” And then instead of being like, “Well, okay. Dani, go on the stand and just plead the fifth.” Gigi’s like…

Gigi: I know it’s hard but just try to be a fucking human being for a second. Look at her. She needs time.
Lawyer: We don’t have time.
Gigi: That’s your fucking problem. Want to go?
Lawyer: Dani, you’ll be held in criminal contempt of court. They will find you.
Gigi: Go fuck yourself.

Analyssa: Now, I don’t know anything about the law, and I should be clear about that. But what I have done is watch a lot of Law & Order: SVU, and many other procedurals that have criminal trials in them.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: Can you be held in contempt of court as a witness? Why would the court give a shit that Dani won’t be a character witness for her dad? They want to find him guilty. Ostensibly that’s not how the American legal system works, but like—

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: She’s a witness for the defense. The defense would just have a list of people that they’d be like, “These are the people who can say stuff about him.” And if they didn’t, they’d be like, “Okay, so you don’t have any people who can say nice stuff about you.”

Drew: Yeah, I do think you’re right. I do think you lose a… Sometimes there’ll be like, “We lost our star witness,” or whatever.

Riese: Right.

Drew: Yeah. Exactly. Dani’s the star character.

Riese: Because they’ll kill the star witness.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: I think it would only apply if they were actually hoping to use Dani to incriminate her father.

Drew: Oh, I see.

Riese: Like if the prosecution was calling her. But they’re not.

Analyssa: She’s doing trial prep with her dad.

Drew: Right.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Okay. So anyway, I just feel like these people would not give a flying fuck if Dani goes up on the stage… The court itself would not care if Dani went up on stage and said, “Yes, my dad was a great dad,” or…

Drew: Also like, it could have been so much more… Okay. I’m aware that this is maybe corny, but this is a soap opera. I don’t understand why they didn’t take the opportunity to have Dani get on the stand, and have her little panic… Have the moment, she could have been on the stand. They could have been like, “Do you realize that your father killed half a million people?” And then she could have been like, it could have hit her and then she could have had this big, beautiful moment of realizing that she was wrong, and Bette was right, and that she has been bad, and blah, blah, blah. And she turns on her dad—

Riese: Yes.

Drew: It’s emotional, it’s dramatic, theater, drama, boom, boom. And then we can move on into her going to Gigi’s family, and having new family.

Riese: Yes.

Drew: Instead of this non-drama weird thing, and then what happens later.

Riese: Yeah, and again, the smallest courtroom I have ever seen for a case of this alleged possible nature.

Drew: I think I’m just so confused why they constantly are manufacturing drama, but not ever actually even utilizing what they manufactured.

Riese: Right. Exactly. Like the DUI.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: They’re not using it at all.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: At all. And I also don’t… Why even… The Kayla thing, or the Marcus Allenwood thing.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: There are all of these opportunities to make things better. Was this all about COVID? Because other shows shot during COVID.

Analyssa: Correct.

Drew: I don’t think you can blame this on COVID.

Riese: You said, that’s such an obvious opportunity.

Analyssa: And that’s set in the same set.

Drew: It’s in the same set.

Analyssa: It’s not like that would have changed their production.

Riese: Yeah. This episode was 45 minutes long. They had at least, they could have pulled another 15 minutes.

Drew: I’ll let them off the hook for how small the courtroom is for COVID reasons, but there’s no reason you couldn’t have used that small courtroom better.

Analyssa: We do get to hear Gigi say, “Go fuck yourself.” Which I love.

Drew: Yes. It’s always enjoyable to see Gigi in like protector.

Analyssa: Because she loves—

Drew: …mama girlfriend mode.

Analyssa: Speaking of sort of protector mama girlfriend mode, Sophie and Finley are back at the house, and Finley is talking about her day. She got fired, and they of course start to fight about Finley drinking.

Riese: Because Finley’s going to make macaroni and cheese. And then they’re cute for a second. Sophie seems to… But then they kiss, and suddenly kissing is when she can smell the alcohol.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Well, and she spills something out of the pot, which I think is supposed to be like she’s maybe drunk, which is like, for us as clumsy people—

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Sometimes we just knock shit over. I don’t know.

Riese: Right. Also this is the first time that they’ve introduced the possibility that Finley is secretly drinking during the day.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Right. Yeah. Sophie says she is going to leave, not permanently, but just has to get out of here because she’s stuck in this cycle with Finley, and it’s just too much. And I just think that this sudden escalation, it just makes it so much easier for someone who doesn’t drink during the day, or doesn’t pee in a hallway, or doesn’t XYZ that we’ve seen Finley do in only the last three episodes, watch this show and go, “Well, that’s an alcoholic, and so I have nothing to examine in my own life about alcohol.” Which is like, “Then why did we do this story?”

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: What is the point of alcoholism storylines on TV, if not to sort of try to get people, not all, to think that they’re alcoholics, but to start conversations and start thought processes. And this just makes it so easy for somebody to watch this and go, “Oh well, I’m nothing like that.”

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: And along those lines, they don’t draw a distinction, they still haven’t drawn a distinction between Finley’s drinking and anyone else’s drinking. And they’ve avoided many opportunities to do that. And this was so frustrating, because Finley was like, “I just have to do it my own way.” And Sophie’s like, “You’ve been doing it your way and you got a fucking DUI.” You actually don’t have to be an alcoholic to get a DUI.

Analyssa: Right.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: If you’re a person of that size, you can have two drinks and you can get a DUI. That is not… They think it’s this bomb they’re dropping in the road. “Oh my God, a DUI! Oh my God, she’s an alcoholic!” But no, that’s not actually, it’s not doing what they think is going to do.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: And I’m so confused why they introduced it, if not to get her into counseling, or to get her… She has fines to pay, she has probably a court date, she has a point on her license. These are all these repercussions, and I was annoyed to have to see them play out. But now I’m even more annoyed that instead of playing them out, that is seemingly gone. Just completely dropped.

Drew: She was fired by Tess and Shane—

Riese: Right.

Drew: And there’s no comment about, “You are in money problems right now, because of the DUI.”

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: This is the worst time for you to get fired. There’s no talk of that.

Riese: There’s still no recognition that this DUI was not solely her fault.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Or even as you said, you don’t have to be an alcoholic to get a DUI. Not solely for fault, but genuinely a mistake. The closest they get is when she says, “I had a really bad night.” And the answer to that is “No, you pretty consistently use alcohol in this way that is worrying to us.” But instead they’re like, “No, you got a DUI. What don’t you get about how that’s horrible?”

Riese: How about, “No, every time you’re sad you start drinking”?

Analyssa: Right. Or how about before you hooked up with Sophie, you had never had sober sex before. That kind of stuff is more indicative of a problem than just, “You had too many drinks, and we didn’t plan to take a Lyft, which was dumb.”

Riese: Right. And Sophie was even drunker than Finley was.

Analyssa: And in season one when Tess was sort of Finley’s buddy, and sort of taking care of her, but then of course, relapsed, which is also a mishandling of a situation on this show, it was getting towards a really nuanced, “What does it look like when someone drinks unhealthily and doesn’t really understand that,” because we think that’s how you’re supposed to drink in your twenties.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: Finley saying that makes a lot of sense to me.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: And why didn’t they have these conversations? Why did they make that DUI, what happened so ambiguous in terms of whose fault it was, or who’s… Not fault, but responsibility it was, if not to do anything with that. If just the next episode to have Sophie be like, “It’s a hundred percent on you, you have a problem, I don’t.” So we’re flinging back and forth between Sophie can’t find Finley, and people bringing alcohol to teenagers to drink before prom.

Drew: Right. And if it was being told more realistically, it would also be more interesting.

Riese: Right.

Drew: Like what I was saying last week of, artistically, it would be more interesting. Both, people would be able to find identification with it, and that could be really helpful. And also, in general, it just would be a better story.

Riese: Right.

Drew: It’d be better television. It’d be less predictable and make more sense. So it’s just like, I don’t get it. I don’t get it.

Riese: Yeah, and I feel like this… Because what you’re saying about how people could look at this and feel about it, that she says that they don’t take that time to actually address, no, this is actually what your problem is, not these weird things we’ve created for three episodes. The problems are all of these things that we observed as watchers of the show. But literally, we’ve observed and talked about it so much that I think sometimes I forget that the show hasn’t—

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: Yeah. The show doesn’t seem concerned at all with the fact that Finley has never had sober sex. They are like, “That’s totally fine.” What actually is bad, is that she got behind the wheel of a car one night. And to be clear, drunk driving, bad.

Riese: Is bad. No one… Yeah.

Analyssa: Is not the end all be all of Finley’s drinking problem.

Drew: Right.

Riese: Yeah. We’ve never even seen her drive drunk before.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: She rides a Bird around, which you can get a DUI… Well, I don’t know about on a Bird in LA.

Riese: You can get a DUI on a bike.

Analyssa: But you can on a bike. Yeah, that’s what I was going to say. A scene that I did like this television program, is the next one, which is Kayla and Angie and Jordi meet up. They’re all swinging on a swing set, it’s very sweet. And Angie… This was actually, I felt, a really revealing line of dialogue about what she’s kind of going through. She doesn’t want Kayla to feel like she has to cater to her when Kayla’s dad just died. I thought that was really something.

Drew: Yeah. It is.

Analyssa: And Kayla wants Angie to know who he was, because she’s also lost a parent. It would be nice if his memory was… I don’t know, I just thought this was really lovely. And I did, against my own free will burst into tears when this list came out. Which is basically at the Memorial services, Kayla took Angie’s list of questions and asked all of her… I feel like I’m getting emotional right now, asked all of her family to answer them and reminisce on stuff. And I just think that’s really lovely.

Drew: Yeah, that was really beautiful.

Riese: That was nice.

Kayla: Your mom brought by the questions to the hospital, and I went around and had my family answer them.
Angie: Oh my God. Oh, you did not have to do that. Dude, thank you so much.
Kayla: People have the best stories.
Angie: Really?
Kayla: Yeah.
Jordi: Which one’s your favorite?

Analyssa: And I would’ve watched 15 more minutes of this than some other stuff that happens in this episode.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Like perhaps the next scene.

Drew: When Dani is waiting at her dad’s place, and he gets home. She’s like, “I’m sorry, I couldn’t take the stand.” And he’s like, “You’ll do it tomorrow.” And she’s like, “No.”

Analyssa: What I love about this is that she—

Riese: Is the details?

Analyssa: Nope. The details of her outfit are what I was going to say. She’s changed outfits from when she was at court, but she’s still in business attire. Still in slacks.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: If I had gone home and changed out of my clothes from my fancy court clothes.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Maybe jeans.

Riese: Dani is either in running clothes or business casual.

Analyssa: I feel like this might’ve been a time that called for athleisure.

Riese: Yeah, you’re right.

Drew: Yeah. She says she can’t see her dad anymore. Is she going to apologize to Bette?

Analyssa: No idea.

Drew: Doesn’t happen in this episode.

Riese: It’s time for Alice’s goodbye party. And again, Alice’s dress is really cute, consistent with the theme this season of Alice wearing really cute outfits. And Tom is really rolling with the punches with this kid, you know?

Analyssa: It’s because she sent a bunch of lobster gummies to him, which I think is cute.

Riese: I hope they had weed in them. I wish there was…

Analyssa: 10 pounds is a lot of gummies to send.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: But I think the idea is very funny.

Drew: Yeah, it is cute.

Analyssa: And Bette is trying to suss out the situation with Carrie and Bette also in the background of this scene.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: But more importantly—

Riese: Alice is on the Bestseller list.

Analyssa: Did you know that the New York Times Best Seller list doesn’t actually count the number of books you’ve sold? There’s a whole ranking, weighted system.

Drew: I don’t know anything about it, and I was confused. I was like, “Wait, the book hasn’t come out yet. How’s it already on the Bestseller list? I don’t understand.”

Analyssa: It preferences pre-sales, and it does… There’s a bunch of different things that… I listened to a book presentation at work, from our books department. And there’s just a bunch of things that go into it, that are not just raw numbers, the book has sold more copies than everything else in America this week. Just in case anyone wanted to know.

Drew: I genuinely was like, “Ask question about…” Yeah.

Riese: Have you noticed that everything is on the New York Times Bestseller list.

Analyssa: Right.

Drew: Everything?

Riese: Yeah, every book I ever look at, it’s like, “New York Times Bestseller.” And I’m like, “How did all of you make it?”

Drew: How long’s the list?

Riese: 10 books per category each week.

Drew: How many categories are there?

Analyssa: Two.

Riese: No, there’s several.

Analyssa: Oh, I thought it was fiction and non-fiction.

Riese: Fiction and non-fiction. They also have graphic novels, or separate children’s YA.

Analyssa: That makes sense.

Riese: Mass market paperback, trade paperback, hard cover.

Analyssa: It’s very much like… You know how the Hollywood Walk of Fame is planned and purchased by representation of the talent who gets the star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame? That’s similar to the New York Times Bestseller list. I’m not saying any book could be a New York Times Bestseller, but there is some behind the scenes—

Drew: Got it.

Analyssa: …maneuvering it seems like. And positioning, and—

Drew: Yeah. That’s generally how things work.

Analyssa: Yeah, exactly.

Riese: Well, whatever it is, I’m sure that this show took the time to look into it, and make sure that this would make sense for Alice.

Drew: Yeah, absolutely.

Riese: So Tess comes in and Shane’s like, “Okay, let’s talk.” Shane’s like, “I have roots here.” And I am like, “What is happening?”

Analyssa: I do wonder about how she’s like, “I remember the first time I ever met you.” First of all, the first time they ever met was when Tess said “Girls like us.” And all of us were confused.

Riese: She was like, “Everyone knows you.”

Analyssa: Yes.

Drew: Shane said she can’t leave. Tess walks out crying. Shane follows, which I was excited about, because I was like, is she not going to say anything else? Is she going to let this conversation end? I don’t…

Riese: Why are they breaking up?

Drew: It makes no sense. So Shane runs after Tess and Tess is like, “I can’t believe this is what’s going to take us down after everything.” And I’m like—

Riese: After what?

Drew: Why? It doesn’t…

Analyssa: My note says, “Damn bro, Tess talking about this relationship like they’ve been going to war, what has been happening?”

Riese: And why is it ending?

Drew: It’s long distance. You’re lesbians.

Riese: Yeah. Again, my girlfriend lives in Santa Monica. You know how long it takes to get to Santa Monica?

Drew: You know how long it takes to get to Toronto?

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Far.

Analyssa: Let’s go around and everybody brag about having a girlfriend. Okay, I get it. Fuck. She just said today that they could try long distance. This day.

Riese: This very day. Yeah.

Analyssa: Where has that gone?

Drew: I don’t know. Didn’t they say, “I love you.” And they kiss, so…

Riese: She says, “I’m in love with you.” As though that’s some new information. I swear, what’s happening? Did everyone stop trying? Come on. I know that these people who have these jobs are more talented than this episode or the last episode or the episode before that

Drew: I don’t… Yeah, what’s going on?

Riese: I was loving the first seven episodes of this season.

Analyssa: Even the first handful I was reading…

Riese: I enjoyed them.

Analyssa: I was rereading your recaps. I was looking at the post I posted and I was like, “Those were fun.”

Riese: Yeah, I was having a nice time.

Analyssa: They were more of what The L Word is normally, which is, this is frustrating because people aren’t like this in real life, but in a fun way, as opposed to a human person would never act in this manner.

Riese: Yeah. And is anyone paying attention? Are Micah and Maribel, who aren’t even in this episode, are they going to…

Drew: They sure aren’t.

Riese: Are they going to tell each other they love each other again? You don’t just walk outside and say, “I’m in love with you.” And that’s some follow up to why you’re breaking up, because you’re moving to Caesars’ Palace?

Drew: I don’t know. Speaking of things that are fucking maddening and shouldn’t be said on television. Bette goes up to Tina and Carrie and this starts off the main chaos of this episode which is that, Carrie leaves to go get drinks, Bette brings the…

Analyssa: Sorry. First Bette is nice to Carrie to get back in Tina’s good graces for this conversation. She’s the nicest she’s ever been to Carrie. Okay.

Drew: Correct. Now then Bette brings up Tina asking if Bette is still in love with her. And then Tina’s like, “I’m getting married.” And Bette’s like, “I just think we need to talk.” And Tina’s like, we don’t need to talk.

Analyssa: And I was like, “Yes. Go Tina!”

Drew: I was like, “Wow. Is Tina going to reject Bette?” I was very excited.

Analyssa: Boundaries. We love them.

Riese: Yeah, like when she rejected Bette for Henry.

Drew: Yeah, I know that. But I want her to be with Carrie. I didn’t want her to be with Henry. That’s the difference. And then Carrie comes back and is like…

Carrie: She’s in love with you. Haven’t I been saying that, Tina?
Tina: Yes, you have.
Carrie: Over and over.
Tina: But it doesn’t matter because I love you.
Carrie: You have no idea what it feels like to walk around trying to measure up to that woman.
Tina: No one expects you to measure up to her.
Carrie: Did you hear yourself?
Tina: What?
Carrie: Did you hear what you just said?
Tina: No, I just mean that I wouldn’t do that.
Carrie: Okay.
Tina: I don’t compare you and I would never do that.
Carrie: I got it.
Tina: Honey.
Carrie: Listen, I love you. I really do.
Tina: Let’s go home, Carrie.
Carrie: I can’t do this anymore, Tina. I really can’t. I’ve tried, Tina.

Riese: What did she hear?

Analyssa: I don’t know how much she heard, but she did have a stance of someone who’d been standing there for a long ass time.

Riese: I just want to say that I think it’s like a rule of, I don’t know, physics, algebra, geometry, something. If you’ve been together with somebody long enough to actually be engaged, your breakup is going to take a little bit longer than 10, 15 seconds.

Drew: I think maybe. But yeah. Tina yells at Bette. Pippa sees. It really couldn’t have gone worse.

Analyssa: Couldn’t have gone worse.

Drew: And I’m not just talking about the acting, I am talking about what’s on screen.

Analyssa: Tina delivers the line to Carrie, “No one expects you to measure up to her,” about Bette. Which is just…

Drew: Oof…

Analyssa: Devastating.

Riese: And then somehow Pippa just senses it.

Analyssa: Well, I think the idea is that she heard, one of… She can just see that this has caused chaos and she knows that the thing she thought was going to happen was going to happen.

Riese: I wrote this scene in fourth grade, is my feeling. The speed at which this all takes place and falls apart. Again, these are incredibly dramatic things happening that could have really been… I know that you would’ve hated it because no one here… But I want her to be with Pippa because Pippa is the better partner. I think it would be important and great for this show to actually have a Black character that is dating, who might be back for season three. That would be fantastic. But in terms of the Bette and Tina drama, I’m kind of always here for it. And I really think they could have… This is their core drama and this whole thing transpires in two minutes of nothingness.

Drew: Do you know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of Lez Girls. It reminds me of Jenny Schecter’s rewrites of the early L Word seasons.

Riese: Absolutely. Yeah.

Drew: In that, it’s bad.

Riese: Yeah. And again, this episode is the shortest episode we’ve had so far and…

Analyssa: It could have been longer. We could have had more conversation. I wasn’t as mad about… I was mad about the speed with which this happened. Again, please remember, leading with love and light, it’s new for me. No, but genuinely, I wasn’t mad about the dialogue. I was mad about how fast it happened, but I was like, “This feels chaotic and finally some good fucking food.” Was it really good? No. But was it like, “I’ve been kind of hungry for a while so this tastes really good.” Maybe.

Drew: With what’s been set up with Pip… With Bette and Pippa. I combined… I did their ship name. Their ship name.

Analyssa: Do they have a ship name?

Riese: Bippa. Yeah, I just created it.

Analyssa: It’s Bippa or Pit.

Riese: Pet?

Analyssa: Pet? Don’t like that either.

Riese: Bippa.

Drew: Okay. So what’s been set up with Bette and Pippa, it’s just to have Bette say to this person, “You’ve made me think about my queerness and my Blackness in ways that I never had before.” And then to be like, but actually we’re not going to get into any of our dynamic that’s going to be really rushed in this season and it’s mostly going to be around the fact that Dani’s dad is a bad person. And then I’m going to go back with Tina who didn’t want to have a Black child.

Analyssa: Speaking of things that were confusing.

Riese: Time.

Analyssa: Yep.

Riese: What… How…

Analyssa: Where is this underground party that Finley is attending?

Riese: They do nighttime B roll between the party and the next scene, which is in this rave or something. Cause you know how Finley is, always in the daytime going to these raves. And in a hoodie or a jacket. She’s overdressed for a rave. It’s too warm in there.

Analyssa: Remember that time, though, she wore two sweaters?

Riese: That’s true.

Analyssa: So maybe she runs cold?

Riese: She must run cold like you, unlike me and Drew, we would be sweating.

Analyssa: Sometimes I wore long sleeves and jeans to Gay Astrology.

Drew: That’s impressive.

Riese: So somehow it’s night…

Analyssa: But then Finley emerges into the daytime.

Drew: Well, I think the idea is that she’s been dancing at the club for… Is she doing coke? I don’t think with alcohol she’s going to be able to go all night that way. She needs to get some other drugs in her. She should have nothing in her except Sophie’s hands.

Riese: Let’s talk about poppers, a real issue in the community. First she’s having these Sophie flashbacks, which were cute, but also made me think, “You know what would be great? Is to have flashbacks of your problematic drinking behavior or something, where we’re actually seeing you connect these dots.” But okay. I love a highlight reel of my favorite ship that they have really, really, really done a number on.

Drew: Yeah. She stumbles out in what I assumed was the morning, but could just be this whole thing was in the daytime and then…

Riese: But could it be? Because why did they show night B roll right before it?

Drew: I assumed to establish that she was dancing all night long.

Analyssa: I would go to this underground party and dance all night long.

Riese: You would?

Analyssa: I would. Not right now. There’s a pandemic outside, but I would.

Riese: Okay, I admire you. Finley almost gets hit by a car and then I guess she dies.

Drew: They make it seem like she got hit by a car. And I was like, “Are you fucking kidding me?” And they were fucking kidding me, but in a weird, twisted way because… No. She’s at Sophie’s.

Riese: What… I said I wasn’t going to talk about time.

Drew: She says, she’s going to go to rehab. That’s what we get.

Analyssa: Has it been 24 hours since then, you think?

Riese: Also Finley said she’s sorry and Sophie’s like, “It’s too late for that.” And I’m like, “Is it? Why?”

Drew: I don’t even… I can’t even. Okay. So then, okay… Okay. God dammit. I forgot how annoyed I was.

Riese: My favorite part of this is that we cut directly from this conversation of Finley going to rehab, to shots. The next frame is everyone doing shots. And by the way, with the timeframe… I don’t have to get into this. With the time frame literally everyone in this show has been drinking every single day except for Bette.

Drew: Yeah. Okay. So Gigi is introducing Dani to her whole family.

Analyssa: She’s wearing a great outfit for that event.

Drew: And it’s so cute.

Riese: I’m so happy for Dani.

Drew: I’m so thrilled with where this was going. I was like, “Yes, this is great.” Because she left her dad and look, it’s really hard to cut off family. And especially when her dad’s really her only family she has. She just lost Sophie and Sophie’s family.

Riese: And he’s killed half a million people.

Drew: Yeah. But it’s just… I really liked the idea that now she is being brought into this new family. Is it crazy considering how long she’s been dating Gigi? Yes. Would anyone I’m dating ever meet my family within three months even of me dating them? Absolutely not.

Riese: Oh really? I would. I would do it earlier than that for sure.

Drew: Oh, wow. Well, we’re all different people and that’s beautiful. But I was still happy about this. Despite being complicit in the deaths of half a million people, I really like Dani and Gigi together. And I was like, “Oh, this is overwhelming and cute. And I like this.” I like that Dani isn’t evil anymore, and I can stand Gigi.

Analyssa: And Gigi notes that Dani is freaking out and handles it so quickly and in a very fun way. Like, “All right, now we’re just going to go have fun.”

Riese: Also, I think they’re all speaking in Farsi, which they’re like, “Finally, after Nat,” to have this girl who actually can talk to them in Farsi is probably really great. And it seems really wonderful and happy. Oh well.

Analyssa: Hope nothing happens to change that. Back at Bette’s, Bette is telling Angie that she’s going to skip the CAC Gala because… Well, she doesn’t say why, but it’s because Pippa is going to be there, just so everyone knows at home. And she says that she has something for Angie.

Riese: Yeah. I, again, cried.

Analyssa: Big. Also Jordan Hull just has a great face.

Drew: She’s such a good actor.

Riese: And this was really sweet. This was a really sweet scene. So Marcus did a painting that seems to be of Angie when she was a kid called, “Her.” And Angie tears up about it, I want to say. Anyway, it’s really touching and moving. So she tells her to go to the show tonight because we don’t know how much time we have left, which is like, “Okay, my God.”

Drew: Yeah. I was like, “Finally Beth’s comforting her daughter and being the parent.” And then I was like, “Oh nope, she’s back to comforting Bette.” They have a real Gilmore Girls thing going. Okay, so then Alice is on a plane with Tom. He goes to the bathroom, which I did really like this representation because I also need to… I pee before I board the plane.

Analyssa: Yeah. That’s what I was going to say. Would you get on the plane and immediately pee?

Drew: Yes, I have to, because I get anxious. I get anxious that I’m going to be trapped and have to pee and not be able to get up. And I don’t want to… because I can’t.

Riese: Even if you just peed in the airport? Which is the normal thing to do.

Drew: Yes. I’ll pee twice. I’m not mentally well. I didn’t say I was mentally well. But because if I’m at the window seat or the middle seat, I cannot ever ask someone to get up if — or they’re sleeping or who knows. I’m always very scared about being trapped and having to pee and having to hold it for six hours. And so I will pee in the airport, then boarding can take like 15 minutes and then I’ll pee again in the plane.

Riese: Wow. As soon as I get on the plane, I’m just praying to God I’m not going to have to pee in that console.

Analyssa: The number of times I’ve peed on a plane is so minimal because I just instantly fall asleep and I wake up when we are touching back down.

Drew: That’s beautiful.

Riese: I pee right before I get on the plane to avoid it. But anyways, so Tom…

Drew: Tom goes to pee and then Alice finds an engagement ring. But…

Analyssa: What?

Drew: I think, okay…

Riese: This to me was actually the most bananas part of the episode.

Drew: I think that it’s not an engagement ring.

Riese: Right. How could it be?

Drew: I think that it is Tom’s ex-wife’s… When did Tom and his ex-wife break up?

Analyssa: Why would I know that information?

Riese: He didn’t have an ex-wife. He had an ex-girlfriend who married his friend.

Drew: Oh right. I was really thinking, “It must be something else. It’s an old ring from someone else that was returned…” No, I guess he’s proposing. That’s bonkers.

Riese: They’ve been dating for three days.

Drew: She just had sex with Nat. It was a whole thing.

Analyssa: Sorry. What’s also bonkers is Alice goes, “Please be a pen, please be a pen, please be a pen.” And I would just like to ask… When have either of you ever used a pen that was shaped like an engagement ring box?

Drew: I think rich people have the longer boxes for pens.

Riese: Maybe she’s into minis.

Drew: She should have been like, “Please be earrings.”

Riese: This, I was just like, come on, come on, guys. I know everyone in the writers’ room was smarter than this. What were they doing? This is so silly.

Drew: It must be something else. I don’t know what.

Analyssa: They must be planning for something.

Drew: But it must be something else. It makes no sense if he’s proposing.

Riese: It doesn’t fit with his personality, doesn’t fit with their relationship.

Drew: What else could it be?

Riese: Because as soon as — I immediately told Gretchen about this… Because I was like, “You will not believe this most insane thing of this episode.” And I really was racking my brain for what it could possibly be. He got it for a friend? What?

Analyssa: It’s his emotional support engagement ring. Please, be respectful.

Riese: And if I were Alice and I saw that, I wouldn’t think he’s going to propose to me because it’s been three days. Actually I would think, “Oh my God, I’m on a whirlwind romance. He’s going to propose to me.”

Drew: Do you know what I would do? First of all, I wouldn’t…

Riese: You’d directly communicate about it?

Drew: But I wouldn’t look through… I wouldn’t reach into the pocket of… I would be like, “It’s not an engagement ring because we’ve been together for three days.” So I don’t need to know what’s in my very new significant other’s pocket.

Analyssa: I would reach into the pocket.

Drew: If I did see…

Analyssa: I’ll be honest on this pod. I would reach in… If I felt a box that seemed like an engagement ring, and he had told me to put his jacket in the thing, I…

Riese: Why is it in the pocket of his blazer?

Drew: But then what I would do. Also, yeah, putting it up there? That’s an expensive ring. Anyways, I would be like, “This fell out of your jacket.” You know what I mean? I would lie. So I’d either be very honest or not honest at all.

Analyssa: I would never confront him about it. I would just sit with the knowledge.

Drew: I would be like, “This fell out of your pocket.”

Riese: Ana would be asleep.

Analyssa: I would look at that and go, “Not my problem.”

Drew: I’d actually be the one in the bathroom. So it’s my ring.

Analyssa: Okay. So Drew has a ring to propose to me. I dig in the pocket of Drew’s jacket. Sorry, that’s just me being honest about who I am as a person, I look at it. I go, “That’s fucking weird.” Then I put it back. I sit down and I sleep for the next seven hours and see if he figures his shit out in the meantime.

Drew: Great. What’s happening next? Oh, Tess leaves Shane. That’s what I wrote in my notes. That can’t be right.

Riese: Yeah. She wakes up and she gets the call. Tess, I guess, she’s moving pretty fast.

Analyssa: She’s dipping out on Shane in the middle of the night. Shane is fully asleep.

Riese: And now we finally get back to the set of Shane’s apartment. Also is Tess subletting her apartment? Did she pack? What’s happening?

Drew: I don’t know.

Riese: How long has it been since they… What?

Drew: I don’t know. I don’t know. But then Sophie drops…

Riese: Finley off at a hotel.

Drew: So, Sophie drops Finley off at rehab and it is, I don’t know. I just…

Analyssa: Do you guys think… Just play along with me here… Do you think that at fancy rehabs, they still give those psych ward socks to people? Do you guys all know what those psych ward socks are when I say them?

Riese: Yeah. I’m familiar with the psych ward socks, yeah.

Analyssa: Do you think Finley gets a pair of those?

Riese: No.

Analyssa: Those are the nicest socks ever. Those are great to have.

Riese: I was like, “Why aren’t they kissing goodbye?”

Analyssa: Nothing.

Riese: Finley asks if Sophie will still be here and she says, “Yes.” And then Finley gets out and there’s some nice valet guy. Obviously they didn’t shoot this at a hotel because it is like the drop-off situation is established for multiple cars to be coming up.

Analyssa: It’s secluded.

Drew: I’m not super knowledgeable about this so correct me if I’m wrong. But why doesn’t she go to a meeting first? Why is she going to a fancy rehab facility first?

Riese: Yeah. That’s what we’ve been saying since the beginning.

Analyssa: No idea.

Drew: Okay.

Riese: Not even a meeting, she hasn’t even just said, “I’m going to not drink tomorrow” yet.

Drew: Right.

Riese: She hasn’t even done that. She hasn’t gotten a therapist.

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: She hasn’t talked to even one single person about this.

Riese: She hasn’t even talked to Sophie about it.

Drew: I get that Alice has money to throw around, but I don’t get it. It doesn’t seem like the move, which you’ve said extensively. I think when they pull up, I was especially like, “We’re just jumping right to it.” It wasn’t like, “Oh, I’ll go to rehab, but we’re going to see the steps in order to… Do I need rehab?” This was when I was like, “Oh, she’s just going to rehab.” The idea was she was going to leave that intervention and get in a car.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Which I think your point, that they’ve only watched the television show Intervention, is correct.

Riese: Right. And people on that show are on, I would say, a much more traditional rock bottom path than we have found here with Finley.

Analyssa: And I feel like interventions, conventionally, are supposed to be used as a last resort.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Right, right.

Riese: Literally, that’s the point is every other thing has failed.

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Riese: And she hasn’t tried anything.

Drew: Okay.

Analyssa: No one’s tried anything around her.

Riese: There’s even medication that people can take to… There’s all these different things you can try before you go to rehab. But I think…

Analyssa: I might suggest, and this is not from personal experience, that she maybe try attending a 12 step meeting and see if she cries inconsolably the whole hour.

Riese: Yeah. She could read a book.

Analyssa: And that might do something for her. I don’t know.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: I’m going to mention this on the podcast so you have to include it in the show notes, which is your essay about The Recovering by Leslie Jamison.

Riese: Yeah. She could read…

Analyssa: Try reading that, it might help.

Drew: Yeah. Yeah.

Riese: And if meetings aren’t for her, then there’s other things that she could find. There’s just all kinds of things that she could do.

Analyssa: Yeah. Also so many meetings are on Zoom now that the investment is so much lower than having Alice pay for this fancy rehab where…

Drew: To be fair, there wasn’t Zoom in this world.

Riese: Honestly, in real life, if this was real life…

Analyssa: I mean Zoom existed before the pandemic.

Drew: That’s true.

Riese: If this was real life the next day Tess would be like, “Hey, you prob…” Because first of all, Finley probably would’ve had to go to meetings, as part of her DUI thing.

Drew: Right, which would’ve been a better storyline.

Riese: And Tess would’ve been like, “Come with me.”

Drew: Right.

Riese: “I’m going to a meeting tonight. Come with me.” That’s literally exactly what would’ve happened.

Analyssa: I can’t believe that that didn’t happen in the first season when the opportunity presented itself.

Drew: Right.

Riese: Right.

Drew: Instead they said, “What if someone who is living soberly and trying to look out for another alcoholic relapsed?”

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: “And then we didn’t…”

Riese: And had sex with the alcoholic.

Analyssa: “And then we didn’t think about the baby alcoholic for six more episodes. And then next season, we bring it back.”

Drew: She had someone’s fiance to have sex with.

Riese: Tess didn’t go to rehab.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Nope.

Riese: And it’s great. Honestly, I would love to go to rehab. It seems really nice. Like the rehab that Alice described, they have a pool, they have a beach. You’re going to talk about yourself all day.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: You get really nice food.

Analyssa: I bet instead oh psych word socks, they get like a fancy set of pajamas.

Riese: Yeah. She’s probably going to be walking around in cashmere. She’s going to meet celebrities. She’s going to have a great time. But yeah, no, this is definitely a pretty dramatic choice. Also when she’s like, “Will you be here when I get out?” How long is she going to be there? Maybe a week? It’s going to cost Alice like 50,000 bucks a day.

Drew: I have no idea. It makes no sense. I mean, it’s just so frustrating. Also frustrating is that, I was so happy that Dani and Gigi were just… I was so happy for them. And then Dani gets arrested for contempt of court.

Riese: Which is so embarrassing.

Drew: Which we already discussed doesn’t really make sense. And also, why did it have to… It’s just… why? Why?

Riese: It’s not like she’s a murderer. Do they really need to bust into…

Drew: No, it makes no sense.

Riese: The cops need to go get her at dinner? The show, first of all, loves the cops.

Drew: Yes.

Riese: And second of all, I hated this.

Drew: I hated it so much. It’s so stupid.

Analyssa: I did love Gigi arguing with the cops in the background? Because that’s just her whole deal.

Drew: It’s just so interesting to me because clearly… I get that they’re trying to have all the different characters end with some sort of big cliffhanger, except they’re not because Micah is not even in this episode. So if we can—

Riese: He was at the very beginning, he said to Finley, “It’s not one night.”

Drew: Oh right.

Riese: And then I was like, “Oh, what other nights was it?” And then no one said anything.

Drew: Right, I forgot about him being at the intervention. But we end Micah’s storyline with him, just I guess becoming a husband, and is happy and we don’t even get to spend time with his storyline in the finale because they don’t care about him, because they simply do not care about telling trans stories. But we can’t have one other storyline end somewhat happily, when she’s just had to confront the fact that her dad killed half a million people and never speak to her father again?

Riese: Yeah, and us too. We’ve just had to confront the fact that her dad—

Drew: Yeah, we can’t just have one couple… There’s enough other drama happening that is bad and manufactured. We can’t just have this couple just end with things being pretty good?

Analyssa: Nope.

Drew: It’s so boring.

Analyssa: That’s not how season finales work, Drew.

Drew: I know that but then do be more creative. If you have to have drama everywhere, then make drama everywhere.

Riese: I wanted a musical montage and in the musical montage in my mind, Tess and Finley are going to a meeting together.

Analyssa: Beautiful.

Riese: And Sophie’s at home writing in her diary or masturbating, and Micah and Maribel are—

Drew: Having a threesome with the hot doctor.

Riese: Having a threesome with the hot doctor from the LGBT Center and Dani and Gigi are just boning, raw boning after a nice night with the fam.

Drew: That sounds like a great montage. Wait, what song is it set to?

Riese: And Dani’s dad breaks the fourth wall, speaks directly to the camera and is like, “I know that you guys, first of all, don’t really understand my storyline and furthermore don’t care about it so I’m going to see myself out.”

Drew: Beautiful.

Riese: He got more screen time than Sophie’s wonderful family.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Wonderful surprise transphobic family.

Drew: He maybe got more screen time than Micah.

Analyssa: Okay, well here we are. We’ve arrived at the CAC and so has Pippa.

Riese: I love the red carpet at the art gallery opening.

Analyssa: Love the red carpet, love that Pippa arrives in a big car and there’s people interviewing her and taking photos of her.

Riese: And this was like, is it just you? And then she turns around as if Bette would—

Drew: Bette’s about to… Yeah, well because Bette is planning on going now, so her daughter’s advice really settled into her soul—

Analyssa: and she has this beautiful pair of wide leg pants that she would like to wear this evening.

Riese: Yeah, she has her own psych ward socks that she’s wearing covered in glitter.

Drew: But then she opens the door and who’s there but…

Tina: Hi.
Bette: What are you doing here?
Tina: Can I come in?

Riese: Tina!

Drew: Tina Canard.

Riese: Tiny Tina. It’s Tina.

Analyssa: Tina’s here.

Riese: That’s the episode. I knew she was going to be there.

Drew: And the squeals of Bettina shippers everywhere.

Riese: Lit up the night.

Analyssa: I’ll say it, I squealed a little bit. I’m upset—

Riese: I knew it was going to happen, but I was like, “Oh, you know what?” But I think a lot of that was driven by first of all, I want this show to get renewed because even though I hate it, I love it. Except for these last three episodes, I really have disliked. And I would say this was the second worst episode of the season.

Drew: Yeah, I think so. I would say these last three and the first one were far worse than the other six. I would say the first one was far better than these last three. And I would say that yeah, I agree with your order of these last three.

Riese: Yeah. This one is just, I mean the engagement ring.

Analyssa: But this one felt closer, I told drew this, I feel like I felt closer to being mad at The L Word in the way that I love to be mad at The L Word, versus thinking about whether I’m mad at the writers of The L Word. You know what I mean?

Riese: I am actually I think mad at that writer.

Drew: I don’t know. I mean, if the show gets renewed… Okay.

Riese: I hope everyone had a nice time listening to us complain.

Drew: I mean if they would—

Riese: You can look forward to our spinoff podcast which is just about Finley.

Drew: We wouldn’t complain if it was better.

Riese: Right, I want to like it!

Drew: Do you remember the karaoke episode? Even I loved it!

Riese: Spreading love and light over here.

Analyssa: I really tried. Do you think they did any better? I don’t. Yeah, I want to be excited about watching this show. I want to love this show. Are people watching it? I feel like general sentiment has been with us, right?

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Like in the comments of your recaps and stuff.

Riese: Yeah. I think there was one person who was really mad and so they didn’t want to listen to the podcast anymore.

Drew: Yeah, which is fine, you don’t have to…

Analyssa: We’ve got a couple of those.

Drew: The great thing about podcasts and — what I will say is I’m a bit of a hypocrite, because I was about to say the great thing about podcasts is you don’t have to listen to them. But the great thing about television shows is you don’t have to watch them. But I don’t know. I mean, it will depend on a lot of things. I think it will depend on what the writer’s room looks like. I just, I can’t do this again. I can’t. It is painful for me. It makes me feel the way that watching the documentary Disclosure made me feel. Living in that head space or watching and writing about Silence Of The Lambs. These things that are these heavy representational failures, that are artistic failures, that are moral failures, and just make me feel bad about myself and about my community. And I love The L Word, I love the original show. There’s so much stuff that is cringe inducing, but the first four seasons, which I think we all know are not perfect by any means, I still love them.

Riese: Season three was really bad.

Drew: I like season three more than season five, which I know is a big disagreement that we have.

Riese: Yeah, that’s incorrect.

Drew: Which is fine, we can all have our opinions. But I think I’m really not that harsh… I’m not the kind of person who is like, “Oh, this is transphobic And I hate it and I…” I am someone who’s like, art’s complicated, things don’t have to be perfect, live in the complexity, but the last three episodes were not fun. I don’t enjoy getting on this podcast and bitching about it and so I might just give the show back to the cis white lesbians and move on with my life.

Riese: Yeah. I think that my feelings about the show are very tied up in the fact that every week I have to spend… This might be a good moment to talk about our fundraiser at Autostraddle. Which is that every week I have to spend about a full-time amount of hours on the show when it comes to the recapping, the screen caps. Writing the recap takes approximately forever. And then there is also the podcast and watching and listening to edits and all that stuff. The amount of time I have to spend with each episode is extensive and so that’s why when it’s not a good episode, I get more upset than a normal person probably would because I just feel annoyed that I have to… I was enjoying recapping it a lot more before when I was talking about the story and the characters. And I do feel like in terms of picking this certain thing with Finley, that it was like, first of all, how dare you? I was really unhappy with the stories that they chose.

Analyssa: Yeah. For us as lesbians, I feel sad.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Right, for Riese, you can’t just watch the episode and be like, “Ugh, what a bad episode of TV,” and just move on with your life the way you could about some other show that you watch. I’m one of those little mice that presses the lever to get the bad drug. I will watch a bad show just for two hot people kissing and that makes me happy, or there’s some campy dialogue and that is fun, or someone throws a drink in someone’s face. I’ve watched my fair share of bad television that I had fun watching, and I just want this to be that. I want to be having fun. And I think it’s hard too to be doing… I don’t want to be like, “It’s so hard to do this podcast,” because it’s not, it’s very fun to talk with my friends and to talk to my friends who are listening. I love that part of it, but it’s tough to not even have the built-in nostalgia factor of the original L Word. This is happening in real time to me as a person. I’m watching it unfold in real time and having real emotions about it, versus re-watching something which I’ve already emoted about and now I’m talking about what that felt like or whatever.

Drew: I mean, something that I will say is that I think oftentimes when we talk about media and representation in media, we frame things in this way that is linear and therefore we’re like, “Oh well we’ll excuse things in 2006 that we won’t excuse now.” And I do think that it would be helpful if we didn’t do that because I think so often it’s a lot more complicated than that, and I think this feeling of, “Well they should know better now,” they should and also there has been media that has been better than this. Maybe it wasn’t on Showtime, but there are aspects of the original L Word that I think have better trans representation than the current iteration of The L Word. And it’s different. The problems are different but I think it’s important to be able to talk about… I don’t know. I mean, and that’s why I like doing this podcast because I do think that we both can have fun and critique and I love—

Analyssa: I thought you were saying we both as in two people in this room and I was like, “Who did Drew—”

Riese: Yeah, me too I was like, “I wonder who it is.”

Drew: No, all of us can both. But I don’t know, I’m losing hope that this franchise is ever going to really grow.

Analyssa: Okay. I love to call it a franchise if you were doing an outward spinoff, not The Farm which already existed and not Gen Q which is in fact kind of a spinoff.

Riese: I really think Gen Q has potential.

Analyssa: I do too.

Drew: Of course, but it had potential last year and then this fell apart.

Riese: But I do like these characters and I do think they were doing a really good job and I really just don’t understand what happened.

Drew: Yeah. I would do a Lisa the lesbian..

Riese: Sure.

Drew: Or the vampire.

Analyssa: I want an Office comedy of making The Alice Show.

Drew: Oh that’s fun.

Analyssa: I feel like hijinks occur and you know she employs a ton of queer people so there’s all sorts of hookup drama there.

Riese: Oh yeah, that’d be cute.

Analyssa: Sophie and Finley are not the only people who have fucked in that green room.

Riese: Making out in the green room.

Drew: I like that. That’s really fun.

Analyssa: The misadventures of that guy who’s getting her soup.

Drew: If Pippa leaves Bette… I guess Bette’s already leaving Pippa or whatever’s happening, I would follow Pippa around. I’d watch the Pippa show.

Analyssa: Honestly, I’m with Riese. I am not anti the Bette and Tina return. I would watch it if it was again, like I said, finally some good fucking food. I don’t know, that stuff is more fun to me to watch and yell about and be annoyed about than the rest of it and so it’s fun.

Drew: Right. But the problem is that Pippa was not introduced as just a hot person for Bette to have this brief affair with, she was introduced to someone who was opening Bette up to her Blackness and her queerness.

Analyssa: No, I agree.

Riese: That’s where I get upset about her being with Tina.

Drew: The problem is that Bette and Pippa’s relationship was framed in this way that was so heavy, and so then to not let that play out to then be fun, it ruins it. And so then it’s frustrating because yeah, okay Bette and Tina need to be together because of television rules, fine. There are other couples that I can be invested in. It’s just more the thing of being like, “Oh, then what was the point of all of that?” Which I know we all agree on, but I’m just like ugh, you know?

Riese: Well, I do want to talk about how we’re having a fundraiser right now at Autostraddle and if you have enjoyed this podcast and all of the many hours that we have put into analyzing this program for you, or even if you didn’t enjoy the podcast but for some reason are still listening to it, then I think that you should donate to our fundraiser. We have really great perks, we have really great content and stuff that’s going to come out that is going to try to convince you to do it and you should do it. You should just give us money because it costs money to make.

Drew: Yes. Independent queer media is really important because the kinds of conversations that we are having about this show and that we have about a lot of things, aren’t possible often when you don’t have that sort of independence, but it requires money.

Riese: Yes, so please, autostraddle.biz, please go and give us your money and then hopefully we will one day do this podcast again. And Drew may or may not be on it.

Analyssa: Carol will be installed as the third host.

Drew: If you liked when I was happy but don’t like when I’m critical, I do co-host the other Autostraddle podcast that also will potentially get more episodes if Autostraddle gets the money that we need in this fundraiser. So shout out to Wait, Is This A Date? Shout out to Autostraddle, shout out to To L and Back, and shout out to you giving us money.

Riese: Thank you guys for listening to our podcast this season. Listen to Drew’s podcast about dating.

Analyssa: Follow me on Letterboxd.

Riese: Follow Ana on Letterboxd and well, you know where I’ll be forever and ever. That’s all, we had fun.

Analyssa: We promise we had fun, we hope you guys did too.

Riese: We did have fun, yeah. And I think everyone did okay.

Drew: Yes.

Lauren: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of To L and Back: Generation Q, one of two podcasts brought to you by Autostraddle.com. You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter @tolandback. You can also email us at tolandbackcast@gmail.com. Don’t forget, we also have a hotline! Yes, it still exists! Give us a call, leave us a message, or just give us a piece of your mind! You can reach us at 971-217-6130! We also have merch! Head over to store.autostraddle.com. There are “Bette Porter For President” t-shirts, there are To L and Back stickers, and lots of other simply iconic Autostraddle merchandise. Our theme song is by the talented Be Steadwell. Our brand new To L and Back: Generation Q logo is by the incredible Jacqi Ko! Jacqi is so, so talented and you should definitely go check out her work, I’ve linked her website and socials in the show notes! And definitely let us know if you want us to make stickers of the new logo, because I think those would look pretty sick! This episode was produced, edited and mixed by me, Lauren Klein, you can find me on Instagram @laurentaylorklein and on Twitter @ltklein. You can follow Drew everywhere @draw_gregory. That’s “Drew” in the present tense. You can follow Analyssa on Instragram @analocaa, with two As, and on Twitter @analoca_, with one A and an underscore. And you can follow our in-house L Word savant and living legend, Riese Bernard, everywhere @autowin. Autostraddle is @autostraddle. And of course, the reason we are all here…. Autostraddle.com. Okay. So sticking with the trend of last week with our now full-of-intention L words, we are going to end this episode with an L word that describes what we thought of this episode. So Drew, Riese, Analyssa, what are your L words?

Drew: Mine is “leaving” because if they don’t get their act together, I’m leaving.

Riese: That’s good. Mine is “lactose intolerant” because I think that maybe Tom is lactose tolerant and that’s why she sent gummies, because there wasn’t any lactose in the gummies.

Analyssa: The only word I can think of that starts with L is “lasagna” and so now here’s my improv on how that relates to this season and next. Well, a lasagna is some good food and you know what I would love next season is good food from this show. And you know what I had some of this season? Some good food.

Drew: Yes.

Riese: Yeah.

QUIZ: Which Generation Q Character Are You?

If you’re looking for a quiz that will tell you which L Word: Generation Q character you are, you’ve come to the right place! Are you more of a Finley, Sophie, Dani, Maribel, Micah, Gigi, Pippa, Tom or Tess? There is literally simply only one sole way to find out and that’s with this Generation Q Character Quiz. (If you wanna know if you are a Bette or an Alice or a Shane or a Tina you will have to take this quiz.)

An Obsessive Analysis of the Timeline of The L Word Generation Q Season Two

Time. Does it exist? Does it slip through our fingers like sand through an hourglass? Does it heal all pain? Does it make fools of us all? Well, there are many ways to answer these questions but watching The L Word franchise is not one of those ways. Season Two of The L Word Generation Q has had its ups (the first seven episodes) and downs (the final three episodes) and it has remained consistent in one way: absolutely forgoing any traditional notions of time or what can be accomplished in a calendar day. Some of these situations are typical movie magic, like Alice re-writing her entire book in less than two weeks.

But a haywire timeline can be tough, too!! Kayla Kumari addressed this recently in her review of episode 209 on The AV Club:

The very condensed and often confusing timeline of this show doesn’t do it any favors in terms of convincing character work. We’re burning through so many of these relationships so fast to the point where it’s getting dizzying…. Sometimes Generation Q’s super-fast approach to relationship writing can be fun. Other times, it just perplexes, characters moving so fast that their interactions seem off, the stakes manipulated awkwardly instead of unfolding organically.

We rarely sense that situations have changed or conversations have been had in our absence, as if these characters cease to exist and lose cell-phone service when we’re not watching. Generation Q is also far more rooted in realism than the original series, or similarly campy shows like Glee or Pretty Little Liars that are so profoundly divorced from reality that time inconsistencies are smoother to bear.

As I’ve been tasked with analyzing the show in a lengthy recap and a podcast, my inability to understand its timeline inspired me to begin tracking it like a truly unhinged person who has plenty of unopened emails. There’s no way to build a timeline for this season that fits with everything characters say and every date we’re shown, so I had to choose my anchor, and I chose the actual calendar days we’re given throughout the season as the hard facts around which everything else conforms or doesn’t.

Whenever I refer to things happening on the same day without citing specific evidence, you can assume that evidence is: its positioning between scenes with clear timestamps, outfits worn, or references to previous or subsequent events of the day.

Let’s begin.

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The Complete Timeline of The L Word Generation Q Season 2

Right out of the gate, danger and mystery lurks behind the curtain!!!!!!

Our first event of the story is Shane and Tess attending Eddie’s poker game for the first time, which takes place on, seemingly, Wednesday April 7th, because it occurs 15 hours before the rehearsal dinner evening — I’ll get to why this exact date exists in a minute.

So, April 8th is a big day for everybody, so much is accomplished:

• Nat and Alice do a drop-off, almost have sex, Gigi steals Alice’s gum
• Carrie brings Groupon Buns to Bette
• Dani finalizes the seating chart
• Micah pretends to be at the gym when he’s really banging Jose (9:46 AM)
• Alice goes to work in a new outfit
• Jordi and Angie ponder a DNA test
• Alice changes back into her outfit from earlier for lunch with Shane and Bette
• Bette interviews for a new job and takes it
• Alice calls Finley to return to L.A

Questions this raises include: Why did Alice ask for soup of the day when she already had lunch plans? Does Alice eat BREAKFAST SOUP?

We get our first timestamp when Chloe texts Shane on her way to Poker Night #2:

“Can you believe we’re getting married tomorrow?” asks Dani at the rehearsal dinner. I simply cannot!

On the night of April 8th:

• Gigi and Bette’s blind date coincides with Carrie and Tina’s established date
• Shane and Tess return to Eddie’s for Poker Night 2, get the heave-ho
• Rehearsal Dinner of Deep Breathing Experience
• Sophie and Dani go out dancing and go home for a boozy bang

Episode 201 ends with the wedding on Friday April 9th, and Episode 202 opens there: punches are thrown, Sophie returns to her Mom’s house for some tough love and leftovers.

Night falls, the sun rises, and Dani wakes up groggy in her bed to more phone calls from Sophie (who is dropping off a casserole as Dani wakes, wearing the same shirt she wears to work a few scenes later) — and somehow it is still Friday April 9th. Everybody had such a nice time on the first April 9th that they decided to do it again!

Initially I thought Episode 202 was mostly placed a few days after the wedding, ’cause weddings generally occur on weekends, but I learned quickly to abandon matching events like “work” or “weddings” or “school” to which days of the week usually host those events.

Friday April 9th #2 is a busy day for our friends:

• Bette drops off Tartine for Dani en route to her first day of work (she was hired on Thursday)
• Micah gets a call from Jose at 9:38 AM while sorting through wedding gifts with Mari
• Finley returns to the Aloce Show with accurate coffee
• Shane proposes a poker night to Tess, who resists
• Bette attempts to woo a new artist who hates her boss
• Alice does another mid-day outfit change (perhaps one is for taping and one isn’t)
• Finley and Sophie squabble at work and Finley volunteers to quit because drama
• Alice meets Tom

On the night of Friday April 9th #2, Bette bangs Gigi, and Finley goes to Dana’s and talks to Shane and Tess about her predicament. During this conversation she says, “I knew the wedding was that day but I thought it was later, like at night,” even though the wedding was… yesterday.

Alice goes home, describes the day I just described to Nat, Finley ices her eye at home as Drivers License begins and we segue back into daylight, where Dani is running.

So now it’s, seemingly Saturday April 10: Tess says Shane did great with Finley yesterday and they make firm plans for a dry run of poker night. After a sunset montage, we return to The Aloce Show set, where she’s back in her Friday April 9 #2 Morning Outfit, but Sophie has changed clothes and they’re off to Poker Night. Working the weekend!

So the night of Saturday April 10:

• Poker in the Rear Night!
• Micah visits Dani (the casserole from Sophie is still on the counter, 36 hours later)
• Alice goes home to Nat and they fight incoherently about non-monogamy
• Sophie goes over to Dani’s to plead for forgiveness and instead they break up for real

That concludes Episode 202.

We don’t get another specific date until Episode 204, and that date is Saturday April 17th, and working backwards from that date, I’ve determined 203 opens on Thursday April 15th. It opens with Angie getting her DNA results at 7:15 AM (where is she running home from at 7:15 AM?)…

…and then we move into another big day. On Thursday April 15th:

• Sophie and Finley do a little housecleaner
• Alice angry washes dishes, Nat returns from her sex date with Marissa
• Sophie and Alice go to work, Alice gets a 9:31 AM text from Nat asking if she can go out with Marissa tomorrow night too
• Bette calls Gigi her “girlfriend” to Rodolfo
• Micah gets a new gig at the LGBTQIA+ Center
• Dani signs for a penthouse in the sky
• Gigi and Bette and Bette’s sleeves go to an Orgasmic Art Show
• Micah and Maribel squabble in the kitchen and Finley apologizes for being white

A B-Roll montage moves us into the next day, Friday April 16th, which we know is the next day because Gigi refers to Bette calling her her girlfriend “yesterday.”

On Friday April 16th (possibly the longest day of the season):

• Alice talks to Tom about her book, make plans for dinner that night
• Angie gets out of drama club early and fights with Mama B about her desire to meet Kayla
• Micah talks to Nat about seeing non-trans clients
• Sophie goes home and is like, “where is the table”
• Micah and Maribel do sunset pony play
• Bette + Shane + Alice accompany Angie to meet Kayla
• Dani picks up her new keys, trashes her old keys, and goes out for wine with Gigi
• Alice spies Marissa + Nat on her date while having din-din with Tom
• Sophie returns home to find Finley has done an Extreme Home Makeover in mere hours
• Alice and Nat break up
• Dani’s Dad is arrested for some reason

Episode 203 ends.

Episode 204 is when the timeline goes truly haywire.

Episode 204, like most of the episodes this season, all takes place in one day — it’s the Lake-free Lake House Day where Sophie tracks down Dani, Alice wakes up at Bette’s after breaking up with Nat, Finley prepares for her ultimately thwarted date with Sophie, Tess drives to and from Vegas, Angie goes to see Micah at the LGBT Center, Bette tracks down Pippa, and Tess and Shane kiss but then Tess says she’s seeing someone — and that day is Saturday April 17th. We learn this certainty by texts received later that day by Shane….

…and by Micah.

We know that yesterday was Friday because Alice wakes up at Bette’s house after having broken up with Nat the night before, and this is the most specific mention of relative time in the episode. But it’s confusing because when Finley comes home from her new soccer gig on Saturday morning, Sophie asks Finley if it was a late night at the bar, and Finley wasn’t at the bar on Friday night, she was at home replacing furniture and being lightly held by Sophie.

The biggest problem in this episode, however, is that at the top of the episode, Sophie tells Micah — who is in a panic having not been able to get ahold of Dani — that she hasn’t talked to Dani “in weeks” but the wedding was literally 8 days ago.

Episode 205 is, once again, a one-day episode — same outfits throughout, evening plans mentioned in the morning eventually take place at the ending, etc. We learn later in the episode that the day in question is Wednesday, April 21.

At 205’s open, Sophie asks Finley if she’s alright because she hasn’t seen her “in a couple days.” This tracks. But other things don’t.

I’d read Gigi waking up to find Bette in her loft on her laptop as being the morning after their post-Pippa-dinner sex scene, which would’ve been the 18th. Bette tells Gigi that she found Pippa, information she absolutely would’ve disclosed sooner than four days later.

Fitting with the absolutely unhinged Tess/Cherie timeline we’ve addressed at length on the recap; Tess tells Shane she met Cherie “this past weekend,” so that means she met Cherie on Friday, April 16, since she went to Vegas on the 17th, so on the 17th she told Shane she was seeing someone she met the night before.

Another GIANT DAY lies ahead for our friends on April 21:

• Bette wakes up at Gigi’s, Gigi says she’s seeing Dani later
• SURPRISE Cherie Jaffe shows up at Dana’s
• Alice has finished all of her book edits (IN TWELVE DAYS) and gives Tom a farewell gift
• Dani visits her Dad in the clinker
• Gigi picks up Dani for a long afternoon/evening of emotional conversations
• Bette, Carrie, Angie and Tina have disaster family therapy
• Sophie pitches her segment
• Shane and Tess enjoy awkward drinks at Dana’s with Cherie and invite her to poker night that night
• Sophie interviews her segment subjects

As we move into the post-work hours, Alice does an outfit change here that I thought could be a new day, but it isn’t because we’re still explicitly on the same day for Dani/Gigi, Jordi/Angie, Micah/Maribel and Cherie/Tess. Tom gets a text from Alice (this is how we know what day it is):

Alice and Tom bring lobsters to the beach to set them free, Jordi and Angie talk about the prom queen announcement, Finley meets a new human at Dana’s and goes home to hook up, Maribel comes to Micah’s and they have sex, Cherie fucks Tess at Poker Night, Angie’s parents change her mind about Marcus, Bette texts Gigi to hang out and Gigi turns her down…

We then reach 206, the best episode of the season! It’s also got the seasons’ clearest timeline, as everybody has been corralled to the same space at the same time for Karaoke night.

We open with Dani and Micah going on a run. He says he’s not spoken to Maribel in a week, and later at Dana’s, Sophie says Finley’s been ignoring her for a week.

So let’s say then that this is Wednesday, April 28th. Everything tracks with that except why Cherie would wait a week after Shane told her to back off Tess to “break up” with Tess.

207 plunges us back into a soupy time warp. We open with a Sinley sex-a-thon that implies a passage of time — YAY!!!! — before leaping into our traditional entire-episode-in-one-day narrative. How much time has passed? Well, due to a date reveal in episode 209, we can conclude that it is either May 11th or May 12th when 207 opens. I think it’s May 12th.

The episode begins with Alice and Bette having lunch at the same restaurant where Gigi and Nat are having lunch:

This leads into Nat and Alice boning in the car, and the scene right after that one is Shane dropping Tess off at AA., at which point, Tess says this:

The charity event closes the episode, so this should mean that everything going forward is on that same day, but in the very next scene, Jordi asks Angie if she’s still gonna hang out at the park “tomorrow night,” for a scene that eventually takes place the same night as the charity event:

The next scene is Bette giving Pippa the CAC offer, and she’s wearing the same dress she wore to lunch, which is what places Alice/Bette Lunch Scene on the same day as the rest of the events of the episode:

Carrie calls Bette (we find out later that she’s asking about attending the MS Benefit, presumably that same night), Sophie’s segment premieres, Sophie bangs Finley and Barry wants to meet Sophie but she’s banging Finley.

For once, time has passed and that passage of time makes sense, until we cut to Dani and Gigi having … Gigi’s second lunch? Gigi talks about seeing Alice banging Nat in the car like it happened that same day. But more concerning is that it has been nearly two weeks since Gigi told Dani she had feelings for her and they’re just now discussing it?!?!

Fixing this immense inconsistency would require the writers to place this scene at the top rather than the sex-a-thon, which is an objectively perfect open — so the only other option would be Dani and Gigi’s scenes this week reflecting that their relationship had changed, evolved and been discussed in our absence. That kind of thing rarely happened this season!

Anyhow back to this day: Angie talks to Kayla about breaking up with Jordi, Finley and Sophie go home, talk about Finley’s ambitions, bang again, and then we cut straight to the benefit.

But, at the benefit, Barry tells Sophie that he’s sorry he missed her “the other day”…

… and Nat tells Dani that she had lunch with Gigi “the other day.” Furthermore the sexual relationship between Nat and Alice — from car-bang through breakup at the benefit — is now entirely confined to the length of one day on the Tess timeline, or two days on the Jordi timeline. What a whirlwind!

Anyhow: Bette and Carrie fight, Tess and Shane take Carrie home, Dani and Gigi make out in the rain, Shane and Tess kiss, and Finley gets pulled over for a DUI. This all happens on May 12.

208 opens on the day after DUI day, and seems to remain there, as Sophie later says she felt like she had to “baby-sit Finley all day” and Finley discusses the DUI throughout like it happened last night. That said, the jail pickup is the only scene that could’ve happened on a different day than the rest of the episode, because directly afterwards, we launch into the Dani/Bette/Gigi and Claudia/Micah storylines that explicitly and clearly roll out over the course of a single day.

Due to the exact date reveal in episode 209, we know that the Book Launch Party in Episode 208 took place on Thursday May 13th. 

208 closes with Bette and Pippa reconciling, Shane and Tess banging in Vegas, and Finley and Sophie fighting.

In Episode 209, Sophie meets up with Alice at her hotel after a book interview, and asks if she’s seen Finley — and Alice says she saw Finley at the book party last night.

Bette and Tina take Angie to the hospital to meet Marcus and are rebuffed. So this is Friday May 14th. 

Then we do a time jump to the next morning, and the protest is on the front page of The Los Angeles Times for Saturday May 15. Dani picks up the paper and declares:

It’s Prom Day and Nana’s birthday day! This date is consistent with Sophie telling the cops Finley’s been gone for 36 hours later that afternoon, and with the date on her phone at Dana’s later that night:

So:

• Bette signs Pippa to the gallery and has sex with her on the 12th
• Bette uses Pippa as a bargaining tool in her in a battle with the CAC on the morning of the 13th
• Bette wins Pippa back on the evening of the 13th, at which time Pippa’s art has already been installed and removed
• They organize and hold a protest on the 14th
• CAC refuses the endowment on the 15th
• Bette tells Alice she’s ready for Pippa to meet Angie on the 15th

It’s impossible to figure out when 210 opens — Finley’s getting an intervention, but it seems like not much has transpired for any of these characters since 209, particularly for Finley and Sophie — I know this entire storyline was horrifically bungled, so the fact that no new info about Finley’s drinking exists as we enter this episode isn’t a good barometer of time passing. Nor do events like gallery openings or school correspond with the days on which those activities are traditionally practiced — but we do have Alice going away on her book tour, Marcus’s funeral and the CAC opening, so we can figure it’s been about a week?

So let’s say we’re at May 22nd.

After the intervention scene, our next scene finds Bette and Pippa in bed, talking about Alice’s Goodbye Party happening “tomorrow night.” In a subsequent scene, Alice refers to the intervention as a little situation they had “this week,” but in a scene shortly thereafter, Finley refers to the intervention as happening “last night”!

Anyhow, there should be a day change between Finley saying the intervention happened last night and when Alice’s party takes place, but I’m not sure where that is.

But somehow we must get there: the goodbye party is May 23nd.

We transition from the Goodbye Party to Finley at some sort of rave that same night, which she emerges from in daylight to almost get hit by a car — May 24th. On the 24th:

• Dani meets Gigi’s family
• Bette shows Angie the painting from Marcus
• Alice boards a plane with Tom
• Sophie drops off Finley at rehab
• Dani is arrested
• Pippa goes to the opening without Bette
• Tina comes to Bette’s door

So in conclusion, the entire season transpires over the course of seven weeks. This tracks pretty neatly with the stories told within it, with a few exceptions: Tess and Shane’s 12 day relationship, Pippa and Bette’s 11 day relationship, Nat and Alice’s whirlwind reunion, the speed with which the Angie and Marcus storyline begins and the glacial pace at which it ends. And as someone currently writing a novel with a lot of characters, I know keeping everybody on the same timeline  is actually a lot harder than it looks!

But Tess is a great example of why a fuzzy timeline can do character development a disservice: either the timing of her stories is unintentional and we’re not supposed to apply them to our understanding of her character, or she is a bit bananas about relationships: refusing Shane’s kiss ’cause she’s “seeing someone” she met the night before? Saying Cherie broke up with her when they’d been dating for a week? Asking Shane to move to Vegas with her after a ten day relationship? Like, that behavior is an entire personality, but I’m not certain if we’re supposed to consider it hers.

In conclusion Part #2, if this post, which I believe is relatively unhinged and likely would not be published on any other website in the universe besides this one, has radically changed the quality of your life — and I’m pretty sure it has — please contribute to our fundraiser!

The L Word Generation Q Episode 210 Recap: Last Call For Wherewithal

Welcome to the final recap of the second season of The L Word Generation Q, brought to you by the same network as The L Word, a show about Dos Equis beer and all the reasons a lesbian might be driven to drink one.

As we come to the final episode of this season I just want to say that it has been an honor and a privilege to dissect this show with y’all every week and even though the past three episodes have been pretty rough (and yes, I am including the finale in that number), I will be devastated if Showtime does not renew it!  (Speaking of things that will devastate me if they are not renewed: WE’RE DOING A FUNDRAISER FOR OUR FUTURE HAVE YOU HEARD?) I read all your insightful and hilarious comments and remain pleased that this franchise continues to be a point of connection and community for us as lesbians but also for us as bisexuals, queers and otherwise-identified people. I love this cast and these characters and these actors and want to see them continuing to live their messy problematic lives!

I would also like to inform you that unfortunately I have indeed written an entire post tracing the bizarre and inconsistent timeline of this season of television, it is 40 million words long.

As we say on the pod…. let’s get into it!

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We open in what Finley will eventually accurately refer to as “a surprise party with really bad vibes,” where all of Finley’s fans have assembled to stage an intervention, a very logical next step following all of the preceding steps they’ve leapt right over with the gusto of Olympic long jumpers.

Sophie seems hesitant, perhaps because she knows Finley better than the rest of these yahoos and knows she’s not gonna respond well to a group confrontational approach! “It seems fast,” Sophie accurately points out. “I don’t wanna scare her and I don’t wanna force her to go if she’s not ready.”

Shane insists there’s never a good time to do this, and Tess says not to worry, Finley for sure will go to rehab. Has anybody tried like, talking to her one-on-one? First? Before um, rehab?

Thus Finley arrives home from soccer, flushed and sober and bitten, to find all her friends in earth tones humming around her living room like paternalistic flies.

Before Finley enters the room, Micah pulls her aside and says, “I’m a social worker so I have an actual educational background on this topic and I’ve made you an appointment with a therapist at the LGBTQIA+ center who specializes in addiction and is trained in CBT and MET, wanna shower up and when you’re ready we can swing by Trejos on our way?”

JUST KIDDING MICAH DOESN’T SAY THAT LOLOLOLOLOL

Here’s what actually happens: everybody sits down, tells Finley they love her and are worried about her, and invite her to attend an Alice-financed rehab at a beautiful oceanside vista, replete with pool and a Top Chef runner-up concocting delicious meals! Alice is ready to drop around 40 grand on this kid okay. Finley says she doesn’t need to drink spa water by a pool to get her shit together, which is one way in which Finley and I are different.

Shane: Okay then what do you need?
Finley: Nothing, I had a bad night. Okay?
Micah: It wasn’t one night.
Finley: I’m in my twenties, I fuck up like somebody in their twenties. I mean what the fuck were your twenties like?
Shane: No no don’t do that—
Alice: My twenties were amazing.
[Shane swats Alice]

Honestly, she’s not wrong! Like so many of us, Shane was actually drunk and/or on drugs for a significant chunk of her twenties, and, like Finley, went straight for alcohol at the slightest sign of emotional upheaval. Upset that she told Carmen she didn’t want a relationship so now Carmen is in a different relationship? Get this woman a beer and some pills!

Upset that she left Carmen at the altar? Time for cocaine and vodka and literally crashing a car into a cement wall beneath a highway overpass!

Upset that she fucked Nikki on the balustrade of Yamashiro and now Jenny’s mad at her? Drink up and pass out on a weird chair!

But Shane didn’t get a DUI or pee in Dani’s hallway, and that’s all that matters obviously. Anyhow, nobody’s gonna share any new information that might illuminate for Finley why they’re so troubled by her drinking, even though I personally shared many examples of her problematic drinking behavior in prior recaps.

Generally an intervention is an absolute last resort, when all prior avenues have been exhausted and the addict has failed at multiple sobriety attempts. Furthermore, an intervention serves as an opportunity for the addict’s friends to share specific, detailed reports of how the addiction has impacted them and the repercussions for the addict if they refuse the offer of help. So: even in a scene centered on a type of meeting devoted entirely to providing a rich, multi-layered portrait of the subject’s addiction, we don’t get it!

Finley says thanks but no thanks, and Sophie sadly watches her go.

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We cut to Pippa’s Topanga Canyon retreat, where Bette and Pippa are lying in bed for a little morning tongue kissing and to discuss the impending CAC opening. “I love it when we step out together all fly,” Pippa says. Bette asks if Pippa would like to attend the going away party Alice is throwing herself tomorrow evening but they’re interrupted by a phone call from the one and only Tina!

Pippa asks if Tina’s coming to Alice’s party and how Bette feels about that, and Bette says she feels fine and then makes the grave personal error of adding, “I’d feel a lot better if you came with me.” She means it affectionately but the delivery reveals a paradigm Pippa finds alarming — is she merely a prop to enable Bette to feel like she’s over Tina?

The gulf between how Pippa and Bette handle relationships is well-lit here. Pippa plays with chaos and uncertainty in her work and prefers stability and clear outlines in her personal life. Bette finds order and power in her work — even her unrestrained emotional response to the art she loves is reigned in by plugging that artist into the familiar structure enabled by the Art Business — and revels in mess, impulsivity and uncertainty in her emotional life. She constantly charges head-first into relationships she’s plainly unready to show up for, and she’s never prioritized “getting over Tina” as a pre-condition to make commitments to others.

“I’m nervous about you two,” says Pippa, who looks distractingly hot as she pulls on an oversized flannel and shares her chapstick with Bette. Pippa’s dialed in to her instincts and her instincts tell her she’s flirting with danger regarding the inevitable draw of Bette’s moth to Tina’s flame.

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Back at Bette’s very own home, her teenage daughter is obsessing over preparations for perhaps a school trip of some kind and her girlfriend is like, hey babe are you okay about this show introducing Marcus Allenwood as a season-long arc only to simply murder him

Jordi’s curious if Angie wants to attend Marcus’s funeral, but Angie refuses, saying she’s not his daughter, she’s not anything to him, and she could’ve saved him but did not.

Jordi tells her that it’s not her fault and they embrace. I love supportive teen love!

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We cut to an important building, where Gigi’s distracting Dani from the impending trial by prepping Dani for an upcoming meeting with her family, full of delightful characters including her favored brother. Also, Dani shouldn’t tell Gigi’s family that they’ve slept together.

A heckler tells Dani that her Dad is guilty, typical city hall stuff. The most important thing about this scene is how hot they look together in their outfits. Dani says she’s fine and will do great in court today because she has been PREPPED within an inch of her life. I wonder what the trial is about

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Lesbian Sexy Moment #14: Morning Os

The Players: Shane and Tess

It’s the cool clear light of day and two hot happy naked lesbians are in bed fucking and eating each other out! Tess lifting her leg up to put her ankle on Shane’s shoulder so Shane can fuck her deeper is like real good stuff right there and everybody’s having a very good time and then for some godforsaken reason Tess interrupts this bang session to say that they should fire Finley because otherwise they’re enabling her.

Shane thinks Tess should be the one to do the firing because she’s nicer. They giggle and fuck about it before Tess has gotta take a call from her Mom. Tess reminds Shane they’ve gotta hire a new GM because (surprise!) Tess is planning to move to Vegas to be with her Mom.

Shane seems open to Tess’s proposal of a long-distance relationship but then Tess plows further forward, with a leap towards commitment that feels unearned — Shane, who’s struggled all her life with finding a place that feels like home but has made one for herself in L.A., could move to Las Vegas with Tess.

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Back to The Aloce Show, where our favorite Bisexual Talk Show host has dressed up like Julia Child for an undoubtedly exciting segment with Paul Hollywood. Alice tells Sophie she’s welcome to stay at her luxury apartment if necessary, but Sophie declines. “I’m not doing that to her, she doesn’t deserve it,” Sophie says, perhaps mired in guilt from the unsuccessful intervention.

Alice volunteers to speak to Sophie further on this topic if necessary but is then interrupted by the arrival of Tom, who announces, full throated: SAY HELLO TO A CIS MAN NAMED TOM! I laughed!

Tom: “I can’t wait to explain to my momma what cis means. You see that elbow right there? That elbow is the elbow of a man who is officially in a power couple.”

Sophie asks if they’re gonna celebrate the article and Tom announces that yes indeed, they are doing the swan boats! I’m thrilled to hear this news because I know someone who had full lesbian sex in a swan boat and now I’ve had an opportunity to share this news with all of you here!

Alice doesn’t wanna go but Tom’s stoked to get Alice away from her Google Alerts and on that note, Alice passes her phone over, only for Tom to be immediately alerted of a very bad review in The New York Times that suggests Alice should’ve “stayed in her lane.” Alice immediately lashes out.

Squabble #36: Read It and Wept

In the Ring: Tom vs. Alice

Alice is blaming Tom for the bad review that inspired her to deviate from her lane, and Tom is responding exactly as I would respond — by not realizing that Alice is seriously actually getting mad at him about this.

Alice: It says I should stay in my lane, that’s what it says. You know who pushed me out of my lane, Tom?
Tom: That would be me!
Alice: I didn’t want to veer out of my lane, Tom, no, because I have a very successful talk show that is very firmly in my lane.
Tom: Absolutely, but in the grand scheme of things—
Alice: I’m gonna go.
Tom: But what about the swan boats?
Alice: Fuck the swan boats! Fuck the swans, fuck their friends!

Who Wins? Not the swans!

Boobs on Your Tube: Maya and Carina Learn the Art of Married Squabble-Sex on “Station 19”

Hello, friends, and welcome to the kick-off weekend for the WNBA Finals! I don’t know about y’all but me (Heather) and Natalie have been enjoying the HECK out of watching all these gay couples play basketball! What else? Well, Drew reviewed Titane, which she loved! Abeni interviewed non-binary climber Lor Sabourin about their new film They/Them. Drew and Analyssa podcasted the latest episode of Gen Q. Riese recapped this week’s ep of Gen Q. Valerie recapped the happy lesbian supermom family of Supergirl. And The Morning Show got EVEN GAYER, which, of course, Christina was right on top of.

Notes from the TV Team:

+ It’s a big week for fall returns: Leverage: Redemption drops the second half of its first season today on IMDBtv; Nancy Drew returns for its third season tonight on the CW; Queen Latifah’s The Equalizer kicks off its second season on Sunday; the new season of The Baby-Sitters Club debuts on Netflix on Monday and the Arrowverse returns on Wednesday with the premieres of Batwoman and Legends of Tomorrow. — Natalie

+ In addition to everything above, Twenties is also coming back to BET on Wednesday, but don’t worry we have that covered to. — Carmen

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Station 19 502: “Can’t Feel My Face”

Written by Carmen

This week on Station 19, Maya and Carina — who have technically been married for 11 months, though thanks to the time jump it feels more like one minute to us, are circling back to their last big fight before they got engaged last season. Carina still wants to have a baby, and Maya does not.

It starts with the (are they still newlyweds?) couple in bed mid-make out, Maya can’t get into it because she’s still preoccupied about her wedding night demotion last year. Carina tries to take her mind off of it by joking about having kids, which only proves to make things worse.

There’s some cute bickering at the station the next day (Carina: “Ok we have a rule, don’t use sex to stop a fight!”, Maya: “Well I have a rule not to start a fight in the middle of sex!”) that somehow also leads to Station Grandpa Warren finding out that the wives will officially be going by the “DeLuca Bishops” moving forward.

But as the day progresses, Maya wonders: can she handle being a parent? Having kids is like having your heart walk outside of your body. And for someone with as many fences around her heart as Maya, that’s exactly what most terrifies her.

Back at home, Maya and Carina pick up their fight. Carina will get used to life without kids if that’s what it comes to — but she’s never before seen Maya run away from something that she’s scared of. She believes there’s something else at the root of this, and she pushes Maya further.

Maya starts to physically shake. She doesn’t want kids. It’s not just that she’s scared of the emotional vulnerability. Given everything that’s happened, she’s scared she will never be get back on track with her career. Hercules Mulligan and Grandpa Warren are allowed to be Dads, but even if Carina carries their child — Maya will be Mommy Tracked. She’s not willing to give that up. She has tried and tried to wrap her mind around it, but she just can’t do it.

Carina, absorbing the shock, licks a tear from the corner of her mouth.

Real talk — I think it’s trope-y that the minute two women are married, they are already talking motherhood (even though this couple has been married for apparently a year, and have had this discussion before). But Danielle Savre and Stefania Spampinato have some of the best chemistry on television, that’s true when they are sexy together and it’s true when they are fighting. This scene cuts, it’s supposed to. And even if I hated it, I can’t say it didn’t get the job done.

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Home Economics 202-203: “Chorizo With Mojo Verde and Chicharron, $45″ & “Bottle Service, $800 Plus Tip”

Written by Carmen

Here is what Home Economics does exceptionally well: to be a show largely about straight people, whenever it is time for the gays to shine, the jokes never punch down. That has never been more true than in the last two episodes.

Last week in “Chorizo With Mojo Verde and Chicharron, $45″ Denise and Sarah hosted their monthly book club that focuses on “oppressed women” and when Sarah’s tech dudebro Connor joins in, chaos ensues. It’s the kind of parody that skewers in all the exact right kinds of way. With Sarah losing her cool over Connor becoming a popular book club member (he’s trying to impress the head of the club, whom he is sleeping with) and ultimately getting called out for being “toxic” in the feminist space against her own brother.

This week, in “Bottle Service, $800 Plus Tip” Home Economics raises its bar even higher, with Sarah and Denise joining Connor for a night at a club. At first Denise disparages that its the most densely packed group of straight people she’s ever seen in her life, before they finally find another gay couple. Jenna, who is non-binary and poly, introduces their date Mel, clarifying that the two prefer “hanging out” to any other labels. Sarah and Denise try to play it cool that they don’t do labels either, only to quickly let it slip that they are wives who’ve been together 15 years with kids. They worry about seeming corny but Jenna quips, “nah you’re cool, you’re old school, like… Sarah’s shoes.”

Jenna and Mel invite Sarah and Denise out to a queer warehouse afterparty, and on the Lyft ride there one of the younger queers literally JUMPS OUT OF THE CAR MID-DRIVE (!!!!) in the middle of an argument, then the other… well, vomits. Sarah and Denise come to the conclusion that I think every gay in their 30s has felt deeply in their bones at one point or another, wow they would rather be in bed right now.

When making cheap fun of Jenna and Mel would have been low hanging fruit on any other sitcom, Home Economics grounds itself in the sweetness of Sarah and Denise’s domesticity. They may the “coolest” of the siblings, but they are squares in their own queer world. And that, my friends, is beautiful.

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New Amsterdam 403: “Same As It Ever Was”

Written by Natalie

News of Max and Helen’s imminent departure from New Amsterdam has everyone in the hospital a little shook including the usually unflappable Dr. Bloom. Lauren’s an OG Sharpwin shipper, apparently, so she’s unfazed about their relationship, but their decision to move to London has caught her off guard. She wonders what the new medical director should be like and what she should do if they try to return the hospital to the pre-Max Goodwin status quo. Annoyed by her girlfriend’s ramblings, Leyla pins Lauren to the mattress and climbs on top of her. She insists that Lauren stop talking and when Lauren quickly acquiesces — because she’s slightly turned on by Leyla’s assertiveness — Leyla rewards her with kisses.

At work, Helen and Lauren cross paths and Lauren gently ribs her about her relationship with Max. It would’ve been nice to see Helen respond with some ribbing of her own since Lauren’s dating one of her residents, but the interaction is less about the friendship between these two characters and more about planting a seed of doubt in Helen about pulling Max away from New Amsterdam. After hearing all Helen’s misgivings about Max’s living situation, Lauren encourages her to dump Max so at least one of them wouldn’t leave…she’s joking, of course — Sharpwin’s her OTP! — but the humor is lost on Helen.

Later, the Emergency Department is overrun with victims from a mass shooting. She assigns one of the patients to Casey, Roxana and Leyla and later, when things have calmed, Lauren asks Casey how her girlfriend did. Casey tries to avoid the conversation but Lauren won’t relent: she peppers him with questions until he finally admits that Leyla let Roxana take the lead on the case. Unhappy that her girlfriend’s stepping back and letting everyone else shine, Lauren confronts Leyla about her ambivalence.

“Where’s the woman who pulled off a renegade needle decompression? Where’s the woman who pinned me down in bed this morning?” Lauren asks.

“She’s right here,” Leyla asserts.

“Well, then show them,” Lauren commands. “Stop keeping how amazing you are all to yourself.”

At her next opportunity, Leyla does just that. Her patience has gone into cardiogenic shock and needs a central line. Lauren insists that Leyla use the ultrasound to guide her placement but Leyla refuses. Lauren clarifies — it wasn’t a suggestion, it was an order — and, again, Leyla defies her. Lauren asks Leyla to step back and she refuses again. As she feeds the line into the patient, she reminds everyone of what a badass she is: having learned to do every procedure in the dark or during a mortar attack. All the technology, Leyla notes, only gets in her way. She performs the procedure flawlessly and walks away…the ultimate mic drop.

As her boss, Dr. Bloom is pissed…and when she meets her resident later, Bloom assures Dr. Shinwari that if she ever behaves like that again, she will make her residency a living hell. But Lauren, Leyla’s girlfriend, is so ridiculously turned on by the display that she can barely keep it together. She presses Leyla against the wall and kisses her, promising more of that when they get home. But Lauren wasn’t the only one impressed by the display: Roxana invites Leyla to join the other residents for a drink after work. With Leyla’s evening occupied, Lauren opts to take advantage of their time together in the supply closet.

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A Million Little Things 403: “Game Night”

Written by Natalie

At the start of every television season, the TV team tries to fan out and watch as many of the new shows as we can. When A Million Little Things premiered in 2018, I remember reporting back to the team that the boy gays had won this one: young Danny Dixon was the show’s queer character. Still, though, out of a unrelenting love for James Roday Rodriguez and Grace Park, I stuck around… and this week, my faithfulness was rewarded.

On “Game Night,” Katherine’s friends decide to host a “surprise” divorce party for her. And while that may seem a little uncouth, particularly since Katherine’s ex-husband, Eddie, remains in the friend group, Katherine truly deserves it. The lawyer has gone above and beyond trying to save her marriage — forgiving Eddie’s affair (with her best friend!), embracing the baby he sired with her, supporting his recovery from a catastrophic injury — but eventually his lies became too much and she had to end the marriage. No one has ever deserved a party more… but also? Katherine’s reserved and very straight laced and is the last person who’d want a party thrown for them.

Still, though, Katherine goes along with it but shows up to the party woefully overdressed. Darcy (played by Supergirl alum, Floriana Lima) mocks Katherine for coming ready to pass the bar instead of going to to the bar and the party’s host, Maggie, volunteers to give her a different top…”something a little less Rizzoli & Isles“… which feels like an obscure reference for Maggie to make but also, given the way this episode turns out, feels like a nice inside joke for the queer women watching the show.

As Regina gets the party going with margaritas, one guest arrives late: Shanice. Katherine immediately brightens when Shanice steps into the room. It feels very fangirlish — Shanice is an actress and Katherine is big fan — but they also bonded over being divorcees last week during a playdate between their kids. The girls keep the party going with a game of “Never Have I Ever” and the group bonds over questions about smoking pot (Katherine’s never done it), dating Gary (which Regina and Maggie both did and Darcy’s doing now) and kissing a girl. Shanice doesn’t drink and Katherine calls her out in front of the group — recalling the time Shanice kissed Jennifer Aniston in a movie — but almost imperceptible flash of panic on Shanice’s face suggests that wasn’t the only time she’s kissed a girl.

Later, the group’s conversation turns back to Katherine and pushing her to get back out there. It’s clear that Katherine’s not ready yet, though, and her friends’ pushing only makes her feel worse. She leaves the room abruptly and Shanice comes, armed with wine, to talk about what just happened. Katherine admits that she’s been living for everyone else her entire life — she’s always doing what she should be doing — and she’s tired of it. She asks Shanice when she ready to start dating, post-divorce, and Shanice admits it took her three months. She assures Katherine that she’ll know when she’s ready to date again and reminds her that she’s allowed to do things at her own pace.

Katherine returns to the party and apologizes for her behavior. She recognizes that she needs to celebrate this new chapter in her life but she wants to do that in her own way. After cutthroat game of Flip Cup, the party breaks up and Katherine, once again, finds herself alone with Shanice. While doing the dishes, she thanks Shanice for her support. Shanice takes the opening to confess that she wasn’t honest with Katherine earlier: the person she dated after her marriage ended was a woman. She admits that it’s not something she tells everyone — partially because of her career but also because of her parents — but she wanted to tell Katherine because she trusts her.

While cleaning, Katherine gets some soap suds on her face and, of course, Shanice kindly reaches over to brush them off. It looks for a moment like they’re going to kiss but, instead, we’re just left with this thick tension between them. Katherine recalls that she needs to call her son and Shanice retreats to go tuck-in her daughter. Unbeknownst to them both, their children are together, with Katherine’s son revealing his crush on Shanice’s daughter, Love Actually style. Like mother, like son, I suppose.

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In the Dark 313: “Expectation is the Root of All Heartache”

Written by Valerie Anne

In the season finale of In the Dark, we finally found our missing lesbian, and it turns out she wasn’t missing at all. She wasn’t kidnapped or killed, she wasn’t in danger at all. She simply…ran away. She decided she wanted to start over and, forgetting who Murphy was apparently, thought she could end a codependent relationship simply by willing it to be so. Of course instead Murphy kept searching for her, come hell or high water, causing more mayhem and revealing a pedophile along the way. Jess had simply had enough of their toxic relationship, and was afraid if she tried to talk it out she’d end up being sucked back into Murphy’s whirlpool of terror. In the end, Murphy decides to try to prove she can be selfless and tells Jess that she’ll take the fall for everything and that Jess should just run away again. So Murphy goes to jail, and the last we see of Jess she’s living her dream of eating toast and scrolling on her phone like she always wanted. And honestly I sort of hope she keeps her new life and isn’t in the next season this show is somehow getting because I would love an excuse to stop watching this show!

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Work in Progress 209: “Hey, Dad”

Written by Drew

Everyone I know struggles with their mental health. I should clarify — everyone I know around my age struggles with their mental health.

Mental illness wasn’t invented by Gen X even if the younger you are the more likely you are to be open about it and seek treatment. But our parents obviously have the same problems we have — in fact, a lot of it’s hereditary.

This week’s episode is a type of wish fulfillment. In the wake of Abby’s dad’s suicide attempt, he’s called Abby to the hospital to talk. Her whole life he’s been cold and distant. But now a wall has broken. He talks about his mental illness and she talks about hers. She learns to forgive him by learning more about him.

I say this episode is wish fulfillment because it’s something few people get. This level of vulnerability from a parent requires that parent to even have the self-awareness to be vulnerable with themself. It’s beautiful to watch. It’s what we all deserve. It’s what all parents deserve. But it’s just not possible for most.

And that’s why we have fiction. We don’t need older family members to open up in order for us to be kind to them or their memories. We can imagine their pain and be kinder to them. And then we can be kinder to ourselves.

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American Horror Story 1008: “Inside”

Written by Drew

Move over Lady Macbeth — Mamie Eisenhower is now part alien and she’s taking over the country.

The first half of this episode goes back to the 50s and 60s and doubles down on last week’s silliness. Sarah Paulson is back as Mamie and she’s joined by actors playing Richard Nixon, JFK, and Marilyn Monroe. It’s campy and a whole lot of fun.

Unfortunately, we then return to our present day storyline where Kaia Gerber is in the running for worst actor on TV. I really don’t think I’m being harsh! I really think she’s that bad! Sorry if you disagree!

Our teens get taken to an alien birthing facility where Angelica Ross plays a half human/half alien nurse. Once again, she is filling a role on American Horror Story separate from the interpersonal workings of the other characters. With a multitude of cis male pregnancies, the season is trafficking in transmasculine imagery so I wish there was more attention given to its one actual trans actor. Look, Angelica Ross can do anything and it’s fun getting to see her as this cool half alien. But I don’t understand why someone who looks like Kaia Gerber always has to be the lead — especially when she’s so devoid of talent.

The Morning Show Is Getting EVEN GAYER (Now With 100% More Vase Smashing)

I am honestly having a hard time explaining the joy I feel in being able to return to these hallowed internet pages to report that yes, in fact MORE homosexual business has occurred on The Morning Show, the great and terrible love of my life!

We pick up this episode where last week’s left off — Alex and Bradley hosting their first show together since The Events of last season. It’s a big production, The Foo Fighters are here, everyone is very congratulatory and happy to have their money maker (Alex) back. Bradley seems…s lightly distracted while on air, and maybe I’m projecting, but her face simply screams “woman reliving hours of orgasms.”

After they wrap, everyone is fawning all over themselves to congratulate Alex, which I get, because no one wears all black like Jennifer Aniston. Bradley is clearly slightly miffed by this, which like, babe, cool it, you were just here on Friday! Alex hasn’t been here in eight months! You gotta give ‘em a chance to miss you, you know?

But Bradley has bigger things to worry about right now. The first is that she is dying to moderate the presidential debate in Las Vegas. This plot point provides Reese Witherspoon the opportunity to deliver the line “people still stop me on the street to ask about my de Blasio interview” which is so hilarious it almost made me do a spit take. The more important thing is that Bradley has a secret meeting that she booked herself, but she’ll be back in a couple of hours!! (Solidarity to anyone who has ever managed a busy person’s calendar and knows the pain of said person putting things in there without supervision.) She casually pops a few Altoids as she says this —  gosh I wonder where she could be off to!

Where else, if not relaxing with a post-coital glow in Laura Peterson’s bedroom? Laura compliments her on “knowing her way around for someone in the closet,” leading Bradley to immediately reply “I am not in the closet, I am just not actually a lesbian.” Which is a baffling way to conceptualize the concept of “in the closet,” like, it’s not just a closet for lesbians? But alas, Bradley must be off, she simply must moderate the debate and she will go yell at her friend slash network CEO Cory until gives her the gig.

Laura in all of her raven haired glory says that she has worked with Cory for a long time and that he’s never taken particularly kindly to people… acting like that around him? She is clearly trying to hint that Cory has feelings for Bradley, not in a possessive or “lesbian scared of bisexuals” way, but in a “do you seriously not see what is going on here?” way. But no, Bradley insists, they are just best friends! Or they USED to be until he didn’t give her a job she wanted and brought Alex back to TMS without her permission. Laura is like mmmmmmmmmmmmkayyyy sure? Then she gently suggests that Bradley might have better luck if she stops screaming at her boss whenever she is upset and instead makes him an ally. “Your career will thank you for it,” she cautions, and Bradley’s face as she leaves is equal parts annoyed and equal parts turned on, which I respect and understand.

Bradley takes Laura’s advice and has an honest conversation with Cory about how she doesn’t know what to do when her feelings are hurt, she only knows how to respond with anger. We learned last season that Bradley’s family is made up of an emotionally abusive mom who divorced her alcoholic dad when she was a kid and that she has a brother who has been in and out of rehab for drug addiction for a while. It does make sense that she has no real ability to communicate how she is feeling, but she is also in her forties and I am allowed to find her lack of growth frustrating. ANYWAY, Bradley leaves to report her success back to Laura, and we are treated to a shot of Cory alone, confirming, much to my irritation, the whole “he is in love with Bradley” thing.

The first words out of Laura’s mouth upon seeing Bradley in her doorway are “did you call?” which literally made me laugh out loud because I respect nothing more than a woman who is protective of her alone time. Bradley was too excited to tell Laura that she took her advice and patched things up with Cory and, no, they didn’t really talk about the debate but it was still good. She goes on, but at this point I was too gobsmacked by Laura’s palatial brownstone and also the excellent costume design. Sure, anyone can wear a pair of joggers and a silk shirt around the house, but those house sandals? Talk about putting the L in LGBTQ! Also I’m, sorry, a damn COURTYARD?

Bradley is still talking about why she is not going to get the moderator gig. The network wants Alex to do it and putting two straight white women up there isn’t going to look good, especially with Bloomberg there, because “you are really gonna need diversity up there to ask him about stop and frisk.” As a Person of Diverse Experience, I have to say thank you to The Morning Show for that sentence. Laura is miffed that Bradley described herself as straight, and when she presses Bradley is like, “isn’t sexually fluid a thing? I had a threesome with two guys once! To most of the world I am straight! This isn’t funny! Why are you laughing!”

Laura agrees, it’s actually not funny at all! Also what a good time to learn her backstory! She was closeted in the 90s, and when she was outed, she got fired from anchoring a morning show like, immediately. So yes, Laura has some baggage about this, and she finds it “a little annoying” that Bradley isn’t taking advantage of the way things have changed. “And I’m envious, that’s it.” A fight begins in earnest when Laura calls Bradley out for using her Southern™ identity when it suits her, says that she doesn’t think Bradley is interested in having a gay identity because she grew up in a southern conservative environment that didn’t accept it. Then she says Bradley is repressed. “I’m not fuckin’ repressed!!” Bradley yells before picking up a vase and slamming it to the ground.

I am going to have to transcribe the exchange that follows because it is… gorgeous to me.

Laura: You’re gonna have to pay for that.
Bradley: Well you better start a tab, cause I’m gonna be breaking a lot of shit around here. I’m not repressed.
Laura: I guess you’ll have to find some other woman’s vases to break, then.
Bradley: Fine, I’ll start now.

Whew, so much to parse here! First of all, breaking a woman’s vases is QUITE extra, as is insinuating that you will be doing it a lot. But I get where Bradley is coming from! Coming out is hard enough when you are a regular human in the world, and doing so when you are a public figure who gets stopped on the streets about your interview with de Blasio is even harder.And we have just learned that she does not know how to handle hurt feelings in any other way, so her getting immediately defensive does really track. It is not clear to me if Bradley has ever been with a woman before, so I don’t know if she is working through coming out to herself and the thought of coming out to the public, or just coming out to the public. Those are very different things! Either way, this relationship is like, twenty four hours old, so Laura absolutely should have tapped the brakes on the coming out thing.

On the other hand! I understand the frustration that Laura is feeling! I honestly love that she has the ability to recognize that her feelings are not about Bradley per se, but rather about her jealousy, about the kind of career she should have had. Of course she feels a little resentful, the simple fact that she is a lesbian torpedoed her career, and while it probably wouldn’t be a walk in the park for Bradley, the response would look much different now. Also she does get the line “I guess you’ll have to find some other woman’s vases to break” which I am seriously considering tattooing upon myself.

The episode ends with Bradley attempting to argue that she should moderate the debate because she has an important voice to add, and that is the voice of a…..woman from a southern conservative family. You can see her realize, as she’s talking that Laura might have had a point RE: repression. So she returns to the brownstone with a $300 Crate and Barrel gift card and an apology. Nice try, but that vase was obviously a gift from a friend’s wife who lives upstate and certainly cost more than $300. She apologizes for being a pain in the ass, and when Laura turns to head back inside, Bradley grabs her in a very desperate hug. The look on Laura’s face quickly goes from “shock and surprise” to “whew, this baby gay is a mess.”

Also, Holland Taylor shows up at the end of this episode to tell Billy Crudup “It’s time to face the fact that actions have consequences, and I keep my temple clean.” Great work!

As ever, I will be here to update you and guide you through any and all gay moments that happen this season! And if you like, you can read my old school, Television Without Pity style recaps via my (free) newsletter, Chaos, It’s The New Cocaine! where I am bravely recapping every episode in painstaking detail, yes, even the straight stuff.

4 Autostraddle Writers Play a Non-Lethal Version of “Squid Game” — Kind Of

I confess I don’t actually know what Squid Game is despite the fact that Squid Game is EVERYWHERE right now. All I know is it’s bloody and that’s enough reason for me to stay away because I am a giant baby. However, my ignorance (innocence?) on the subject did not prevent me from asking our writers to participate in a Squid Game that I made up based on what I know about Squid Game from only Twitter with the promise that none of them would die from it. Here are your brave contestants! And YOU can be the judge about who wins!

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Okay, let’s go! First question! Which of these is an actual squid?

Sally: I thought my squid recognition skills were good. But I am doubting myself a lot when confronted with this.

Shelli Nicole: Number 3! I only know cos of Disney. Zero thanks to the Detroit public school system.

Abeni: I think it’s the last one, 4. I think number 3 octopus and not a squid for some reason, Shelli — but why do I think this???

Kayla Kumari: 4!

Sally: I think it’s 3. I thought it was an octopus at first, but it doesn’t look like it has enough legs but also none of them look like they have pointy pope hat heads. Pointy pope hat heads I think are essential for squids.

Kayla Kumari: Dang I was so confident. And now I’m not sure!

Heather: Kayla and Abeni are right! It’s number four! Number three is an octopus!

Abeni: Got ’em!

Sally: Where are all of #3’s legs?!

Abeni: They’re hiding sally bc octopi are tricksy.

Sally: I think it’s just being really demure.

Shelli Nicole: Wow Shelli.

Kayla: I mostly know from having eaten a lot of squid.

Sally: I have eaten a lot of squid! But I think batter can hide a multitude of sins. And also the real body shape of a squid.

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Okay next question! What would you do to this Squid Game track suit to flag your queerness and make other contestants not want to kill you?

Kayla: Well first of all I would turn the track pants into cutoff shorts and then add a striped knee high athletic sock.

Sally: I have to say, the colours remind me of the prisoners’ uniform in Wentworth, so probs you just need to add a white vest top to show off your hot arms, and a shiv.

Abeni: All I can think of is cutting the sleeves off the t-shirt.

Shelli: Now my dyke mind is telling me to say nothing because sweatpants are enough — I could roll them down and put my hair in a high bun and get my “hey mamas” on to save my life and flirt… The answer is officially a flannel in the same colors because I can wear it with nothing underneath and simply lay on my bunk bed like “hello fellow players.”

Heather: lmao at Shelli’s turning this into The Bachelorette.

Shelli: Finding love in a hopeless place.

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Next question! Who is this? Wrong answers only.

Abeni: My first girlfriend. Same energy tbh.

Shelli: The cute cashier at Trader Joe’s after they’re done with their shift.

Sally: Is it Heather Hogan? I’ve heard she’s really tall…

Kayla: A baby dyke going to her first queer potluck. She made a cobbler.

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This squid is new to app dating and needs some help composing their first message on Her. Please assist.

Sally: Do we know this squid’s sign?

Kayla: OK honestly I am distracted by how cool this squid looks. That’s a Leo imo.

Sally: I don’t know why I asked what sign considering I have no idea what any of them mean.

Abeni: Something about being flexible and tender and about going with the flow.

Heather: Going with the flow! ABENI!

Sally: Okay I’d focus on the tentacles tbh. Pretty good usp.

Abeni: I wanted to say something about like, being able to multi-task or juggle multiple things or something bc they have, like, multiple arms? But I couldn’t figure out an appropriate like, pun.

Sally: I don’t think you need a pun. You can leave it to the prospective date’s imagination.

Abeni: “Also, just wanna say … I have eight arms and can use them simultaneously. You do the math.”

Kayla: “I ink you’re pretty cute.”

Shelli: “Looking to join a couple because turns out that even though there are plenty of fish in the sea all of them are dishonest and kinda mean and I’m not really tryna put a bunch of new work in and I’m hella cute and not at all dramatic so let’s just see where it goes.”

Abeni: “Not just my ink is toxic.”

Shelli: ABENI. This all just makes me feel like their star sign is Libra. “I’m not toxic what you meannnnn” “Girl — you literally are, what are you talking about?”

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Okay, you can choose one person who writes or edits or podcasts, etc. from Autostraddle to be your Squid Game ally. Who would you choose to give you the best chance at survival and why?

Kayla: I feel like I need a Capricorn’s attention to detail and determination to balance out my chaos so Drew.

Sally: I am trying to pick between Vanessa who surely has survival experience from attempting the Pacific Crest Trail, and Heather who can just shout men into submission. Can I get a flavour of what we might have to survive?

Abeni: I think you play like competitive children’s games like Red Light / Green Light? But if you lose you die.

Shelli: Not a Taurus (me) thinking far too hard about this.

Abeni: If i want to do a kind of affiliative/making alliances type strategy? Shelli, Heather, or Vanessa. If I want to do a force other folks into sexual submission? Shelli. If i want to go on all-out intimidation offensive? Probably Stef. If i want to try and construct like, survival implements or something? For some reason I’m thinking Ro. Might just be their vibe, no idea if that’s accurate lol.
If i want to think deeply about strategy and planning? Drew.

Shelli: Is anyone a Libra? Cos once we make it to the last game I have NO ISSUE taking out a Libra. And getting billions of won to do so.

Heather: I think Riese is. 😂

Shelli: Welp looks like I will have to choose Riese and then Carol and I will have a beautiful life together — which is honestly what I have always wanted.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by riese bernard hansen (@autowin)

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Okay! Final question! what reality or game show do you actually think you’d have the best chance of winning? and why!

Sally: I think I’d have done alright in the first couple of seasons of Big Brother before everyone was just a wanker

Kayla: I think Chopped is literally the only one I have a shot at.

Abeni: Alone! I get to be alone for three months in the wilderness? no job, no distractions, no internet, no discourse, just me and nature? Paradise.

Shelli: THE CIRCLE. All I have to do to win the circle is lure folks in with my picture and then charm and sway them with my words? Baby that’s me all day on social media anyway — cut me my check and let’s be done.

NOW READERS — You choose! Who wins Squid Game? 

Give Now

“Supergirl” Episode 614: This Magic Moment

Hello and welcome to this recap of Supergirl season 6, episode 14, “Magical Thinking,” aka the one with Kara once again trying to out-gay her canonically gay sister.

Previously on Supergirl, Lena found out she was descended from witches, Nyxly set out on a quest for totems because apparently she didn’t watch Season 3 of Legends of Tomorrow, and after a tussle over the Totem of Courage, Kara found herself linked to Nyxly, which she hopes will help find the imp so they can stop her.

We open on game night, which already has me thinking maybe I accidentally started lucid dreaming fanfic, because Lena is actually invited this time. And Kelly, Alex, J’onn and Nia are playing Jenga, a game that doesn’t require teams, and yet Lena is pacing around the loft waiting for Kara to arrive before she can settle down and have fun.

When Kara does come back, she is too stressed about Nyxly to appreciate that no one started eating the Chinese food without her. Lena wants to help her, and offers to look in her mother’s book of spells for an answer.

Lena is worried about it though; she has been analyzing and studying the book and can’t seem to make heads or tails of it, scientifically speaking. When she’s explaining it though, Nia thinks she can help, since her dream powers can’t exactly be broken down in a rational way. She offers to help Lena and Lena graciously agrees.

Kara tells Lena that CatCo wants to do a story about the Superfriends, and Alex agrees that they need the public’s support to stop Nyxly, but they want to keep Lena’s newfound magic abilities off the record. If I’m being honest, the reasons were not clear to me. They even know that Lena Luthor works closely with Supergirl Back East, surely it wouldn’t be a surprise that she was working with the Superfriends now? I guess the magic thing is worth keeping under wraps for now, but I still don’t really get why.

Anyway, Lena agrees. She’s just happy to be here, if we’re being honest.

Kelly isn’t going to be back at the Tower just yet because, unlike the reporters in the room, she actually likes to show up at her job now and then, so she’s going to take on one of the other kids displaced by the group home she dissolved: the justice-loving, whip-smart cutie named Esme.

Despite Kelly speaking sincerely, all of a sudden Kara starts laughing maniacally, confusing her family.

But the laugh is not her own; it’s the unhinged glee of Nyxly, who has just discovered a second totem right here in National City.

When Kelly goes to check on Esme, she’s so excited to tell her guardian angel about how her new foster parents are so nice and even make her pancakes for dinner, and Kelly is so pleased. Esme is happy, too; so happy, in fact, that she made Kelly a friendship bracelet to thank her for saving them from Miss Hannigan. Esme has a matching one, of course.

It’s very fucking cute!

J’onn is showing the CatCo reporter around the Tower and the way they explain how Kara and Nia are so close to the Superfriends is by exposing that Alex Danvers is part of the Superfriends; which I guess makes sense, since I don’t think it was a secret before that she worked for the DEO. It’s just that “no one knows” she’s Sentinel. Totems shmotems…wait, dammit I can’t use that for this show anymore! Secret identities, shmecret shmidentities…I’ll workshop it.

The reporter agrees to their terms about what can and cannot be published and they all move on with their lives.

Across town, a fighter has the totem Nyxly is looking for, and simply demands it from him.

He gives it to her and she thinks it’s too easy, but she speaks the password quickly and Olmec’s voice tells her to use the totem wisely. Supergirl, hot on her heels, lands in front of her, and Nyxly uses the totem to defend herself, shooting totem energy out into the crowd of men around her. She has Mitch beam her back up to their glam rock ship, and Nyxly is surprised it doesn’t seem like she has a gauntlet the way she did with the courage totem.

Below, however, everyone that was in the totem’s blast radius has become quite fighty.

Kara heads back to update the team and finds Lena and Nia studying the spellbook, which is heckin’ cute. Looking at their list of totems, they think perhaps this is the humanity totem, what with people seeming to have lost theirs.

After Nia says a particularly clever string of words, and Lena and Kara seem surprised, Nia says, “I’m smart, too, you guys are just show-offs.” Which Kara and Lena can’t disagree with. Also, as someone who had this thought literally yesterday at my day job when I piped up in a meeting I usually just lurk in and everyone looked at me like they forgot I was smart.

Lena tells Kara that they found a spell that might work, and Lena is hesitant but Kara is very encouraging. She believes in Lena.

Out doing crowd control, Sentinel and Guardian are chatting about their days while fighting back some angry men, and it’s actually very cute. Kelly tells her about Esme, and Alex is charmed by the tidbit about the friendship bracelet.

Back in the Tower, Nia and Lena are trying to find that balance between magic and science and I love this on so many levels, partially because this pairing is a lovely developing friendship in its own right, but also just knowing that Katie McGrath and Nicole Maines are such good friends in real life, it’s truly delightful to watch.

Lena’s spell floats into the air and the lights flicker, so Nia goes to check if the Tower’s sensors clocked that energy spike but all of a sudden Nia can’t tell her left from her right. She looks mildly amused by it but Lena is sent into an immediate spiral. When Kara comes in to check on them, Nia says, “Lena broke my brain,” which is very funny and relatable, but Lena doesn’t laugh. In fact, she looks quite desperate; especially when Kara pleads with her. She needs this to work. She needs Lena’s help.

Lena goes back to reading her spell book and completely of her own accord without anyone else’s help or boring backstories, Lena realizes that she’s trying to replicate the spell too clinically, without taking into consideration the difference between dried vs fresh herbs, or brain vs heart. She needs to create vs recreate.

Outside, people continue to gleefully be terrible to each other for seemingly no reason, but in such number that I guess it’s slightly different than most days. Esme and her new foster mom are on their way home with groceries when they’re confronted by one of these humanity-lite people and he breathes fire at them, so little orphan Esme, on instinct, fire breathes right back at him. Perhaps siphoning powers like the Saltzman twins, or maybe a mirroring power of sorts. Her foster mom holds her close as the bad man runs away; perhaps too close.

Lena has an idea for how to get her spell to work, so Kara takes her to the Botanical Gardens. Kara protects Lena with her whole body, strong-arming men while her girlfriend gardens, like some kind of AU Dani and Jamie from Bly Manor. Lena tries the spell again right then and there.

But instead of making the raging less ragey, it makes a perfectly peaceful woman get a little punchy. Lena thinks she made things worse, but what she doesn’t see is that as more people get more dangerous, Nyxly gets less so. For example, she can’t follow through on her plan to shoot a security guard; so technically, Lena saved a whole life. But she doesn’t know this.

Instead, when she and Kara get back to the Tower, Lena is fully spiraling about once again trying to do the right thing but instead making things worse. Kara tries to reassure her that she’s not to blame for all this mess, Nyxly is.

Kara wants Lena to do another spell, and Lena looks hesitant but Kara is practically begging her.

And what are you going to do when those baby blues are pleading with you? When the woman who used to come to you for help that you thought would stop doing that when you found out she was a literal superhero is standing in front of you once again, asking for you to be there for her in a way that only you can?

Meanwhile, Nyxly is as confused as Mitch is about why she didn’t shoot the guard when she had the chance. She’s feeling all this…compassion. And she thinks maybe these new emotions ARE the gauntlet.

Trying to reason with her in this new state, Mitch suggests maybe they just keep finding totems, but without hurting anyone. This gets Nyxly back on board.

Down on Earth, Kara is struck by a feeling, so sudden and new. She feels Nyxly’s overwhelming emotions and realizes that the humanity that was removed from the citizens of National City is being put INTO Nyxly. Realizing this is her gauntlet, Lena says they can find a way to use this to their advantage.

Kara realizes that Lena’s mistake can actually be the solution. If they take more humanity from people, they can overload Nyxly and force her to either restore everyone’s humanity or at least reveal her location.

Kara is excited by her idea but Lena looks at her like she has three heads. Is she KIDDING her with this? Lena doesn’t want to purposefully hurt more people and Kara says it’s “for the greater good” and Lena gapes at her like, “Does the phrase Non Nocere ring a bell?” This isn’t how Kara does things, and Lena knows it.

“To L and Back” Generation Q Podcast Episode 209: Last Dance

Much like Pippa Pascal on this here TV program, the hosts of To L and Back have some trust issues! We’ve gone from epic highs (the karaoke episode) to some extreme lows, and so despite our best efforts and despite the number of shindigs in this episode, it’s a little hard to relax into this installment of our much beloved television series.

Because yes, while it’s firmly homecoming season in the real world (or so my Facebook feed tells me, filling as it is with photos of my teenage cousins all dressed up), in The L Word it’s prom night! Angie is wearing a suit and grappling with her feelings about not getting the chance to meet her donor. The adults gather at Bette’s to drink, gossip, and make-out in inappropriate places! Meanwhile, Sophie tries to search for Finley by making phone calls to various law enforcement agencies while also fighting with her family because we only have one episode left so you know things gotta get capital-S Serious…

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SHOW NOTES

• Riese’s recap of Generation Q Episode 209 Last Dance
• Alice’s billboard is supposedly outside this local bookstore in LA!
• Drew’s second interview with Mae Martin
• The book review I just did for Autostraddle that I would have submitted as proof I could cover Alice’s new book
• Alice would maybe like to read this roundtable about choosing visibility as a bi+ person from Autostraddle staff!
• The reason Jordi & Angie were dancing in the hallway is because this was taking place in the gym
• In case you are not like me and don’t think about this Villanelle dress every day of your life
• I am once again linking this essay about how Gen Q has previously mishandled sobriety storylines
• The list of lesbian and bisexual characters who have died on TV that Riese referenced
• We didn’t talk about this roundtable explicitly in the episode, but it’s always a good day to read Autostraddle’s queer writers of color discuss this series, no reason just a fun share!

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Drew: Hi, I’m Drew.

Analyssa: And I’m Analyssa.

Riese: Oh, and I’m Riese.

Drew: And this is—

Drew, Analyssa, and Riese: To L and Back: Generation Q edition!

Analyssa: We’ve gotten so much better at that.

Drew: We have.

Riese: I think of all the happiness that now we’re in the same room, and it’s a lot easier.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Why is that?

Riese: Well, there’s a delay.

Analyssa: Right.

Drew: On Zoom.

Riese: And I think also just the vibe.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: It’s about vibes.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: It’s really like… Did you guys ever play that improv game? I’m coming out as a theater kid, uh-oh, where you all stand in a circle or not, with your eyes closed or not, but then someone says, “One,” and then someone says, “Two.”

Riese: Oh yeah. That you would do before the show.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: Because then it showed how well you were vibing or not.

Analyssa: Exactly.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Analyssa: Yeah.

Drew: Yes.

Analyssa: That’s kind of what this is.

Riese: Yeah, I get that. I love that. Yeah.

Analyssa: This is like a per episode vibe check.

Drew: We’re all on the same vibe today, I guess, maybe, question mark?

Riese: Maybe. I guess we’ll find out.

Drew: We’ll find out.

Riese: It’s a Monday.

Drew: This episode is episode 209 “Last Dance.” It’s directed by Haifaa Al-Mansour who directed the last episode, which you may remember, may not remember, the last episode. Notorious episode.

Riese: Yeah, the worst episode.

Drew: And it’s written by Allie Romano, who wrote on The Upshaws and on season one of Gen Q. Should we get into it?

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Okay.

Riese: I’m trying to… I want to be enthusiastic for the people at home.

Drew: I want to be harsh and funny for the people at home.

Analyssa: I want to be, as always, somewhere in the middle. I would like to kick us off just by saying that the saga cell, I know I’m always the only person who cares about the saga cell, which is the 30 seconds at the beginning that recaps what has happened in previous weeks—

Riese: Oh, okay.

Analyssa: …and basically tells you what’s important this week to know.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: I’m obsessed with them as an art form.

Riese: Okay.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Analyssa: Those and credit sequences are so fun for me to watch. That’s not what this is about. This saga cell made me so mad for Carrie all over again. It’s just so…

Riese: Was it really Carrie heavy?

Analyssa: Yes.

Riese: I don’t remember.

Analyssa: It was really Carrie heavy, and it’s like a super cut of her issues this season, which is just like, we’ve talked about how Carrie has bad boundaries and that’s all well and good, but she’s the only visibly older character, and she’s the only not thin character. And she just… Her driving—

Drew: She’s really the only butch character.

Analyssa: And her driving thing is that she hates herself? It just makes me so annoyed.

Drew: Yeah. Yeah.

Analyssa: She passed the bar in two states!

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: We’ve already litigated this, but I just wanted say this was an especially egregious—

Drew: Nice.

Analyssa: Thank you.

Riese: Oh my God. I just remembered that after, when we found out that she was playing a defense attorney named Carrie, I don’t know if this is before I made the connection that it was going to be Tina’s fiance or not, but I thought that Bette was going to be going to court—

Analyssa: Right.

Riese: … for—

Drew: Pushing.

Riese: …pushing that guy on the stairs. God, were we ever so young?!

Analyssa: What if Bette and Carrie were in court, fighting it out for something?

Riese: Oh, man. Yeah, that’s what I thought was going to happen. I didn’t think there would be fighting at poker night.

Analyssa: Yeah, that would be—

Riese: Or the other poker night.

Analyssa: That would be so fun. I wish that it weren’t

Riese: Or another poker night.

Drew: I’d also like to say that Carrie also has not had a sex scene yet. So it’s just—

Riese: That’s true.

Drew: So it is just also like, what role is that kind of person allowed to fill on this show?

Riese: Well, I mean, I think it’s the role Rosie wanted to play.

Analyssa: I do agree. I know that you said this.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: I agree that she’s getting some meaty, dramatic acting work, which I can imagine, if you’re a Rosie O’Donnell, that could be fun and interesting, and you might weigh in that that’s an interesting storyline to pursue.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: But what if Bette and Carrie were arguing over the best type of food instead of who had it worse growing up, and then Carrie’s really sad?

Drew: I mean, this is also why you can’t have one butch character, one older character, one fat character. This is why.

Riese: Right.

Drew: Because then you don’t have to limit the storylines as much when there’s a lot more characters.

Analyssa: Okay. I’m sorry for that digression.

Drew: No, that’s okay.

Analyssa: We can talk about the episode now.

Drew: Yeah. The only thing I have to say that’s good is Pippa’s seashell cowboy hat. Obsessed with it.

Analyssa: I also thought Bette’s coat, dress that ties in the front, I didn’t really know what it was. Loved it.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah, great fashion. I think whenever I go to an impromptu protest that is filled with actors who all have the same handwriting on their signs and it feels so incredibly… Honestly, it felt more fake than the protest at the CAC in the original series.

Drew: Yes.

Analyssa: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: In terms of like, this is a protest on television vibe.

Drew: Yes.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Riese: It was so intense. But I think what’s most important, and everyone knows this at a protest, is fashion.

Analyssa: So true.

Riese: And I think that these two women, they’re like, we’re basically on a catwalk. We’re walking through this crowd. They are all up in arms about this situation because Bette Porter, Patron Saint of underprivileged artists, has inspired them all to rise up against Dani’s dad’s company. I want to see fashion.

Drew: Yeah. Absolutely.

Analyssa: They said, “Put on your best fit.”

Riese: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Analyssa: “Grab one of these signs that one person made over here.”

Riese: Mm-hmm (affirmative). Yeah.

Analyssa: “And then maybe the LA Times will come take pictures of us.” And you know what? They weren’t wrong.

Drew: It was nice of Bette to make all those signs for everybody.

Riese: It was.

Analyssa: So true.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: That was like, you know in Catholicism, you have to do a penance? It’s like, you have to say 10 Hail Mary’s.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: That’s penance for almost losing Pippa. The gallery was like, “Okay, I’m going to organize a protest because I believe in that. My penance, because I did do something silly, is I will make 15 signs, and then we’ll go.”

Riese: Right.

Drew: Can I make my first complaint of the episode?

Riese: Absolutely.

Drew: Okay. So when the last episode ended with Pippa and Bette being like, “We’re going to take them down together.”

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Drew: I wanted like… You know how season finales of Mad Men would have a lot of scheming?

Riese: No.

Drew: Neither of you watched it?

Analyssa: I don’t.

Riese: No.

Drew: Great.

Analyssa: We’re both shaking our heads vigorously.

Drew: You know how like—

Riese: I mean, “men” was in the title.

Drew: Okay.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: You know how in, basically, like a heist movie, sometimes it’s not a heist where this is done, where it’s like… Sometimes it’s a work takedown or a political takedown or something, and there’s a lot of scheming and it’s quick cuts, fun, whatever.

Riese: Oh yeah. Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Drew: I wanted a scheme. I wanted them to take down. And instead, we just start with they’ve already… Even… And I’m not even, it doesn’t have to be super high concept. I just would’ve loved to see them getting these artists together.

Riese: Right.

Drew: I would’ve loved to see them bond over being political and being into the arts.

Riese: Right.

Drew: So I would’ve loved to see the two of them making calls, being like, “We need to get this person, this person. Oh, this person.” You know? Something fun and exciting and schemey and political, and whatever.

Riese: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Drew: And instead they just walk up to the protest, and they’re like, “Wow, we organized this protest.” And I was like, “Oh.”

Riese: You know what I would’ve loved is if instead of Pippa being like, “This will be your legacy,” if Bette had been to Pippa… Well, first of all, I mean, I think I’m in the minority here on this podcast, but I think this entire thing is stupid. But if we were going to say that it’s not stupid, then I would like Pippa to be the one at the center of it, not fucking Bette Porter.

Drew: No. I mean, the story line is stupid. I think we—

Riese: Right.

Drew: I don’t know. I think we agree on that. I just, when it was like, “Oh, they’re going to team up to whatever,” I was like, “Okay, this could maybe be good.” But then it wasn’t.

Riese: Oh, I mean, the ethics of whether or not they should take this money.

Drew: Oh, I see.

Riese: I think they should just take it.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: I mean, they’re not the Sacklers. They didn’t manufacture the opioids.

Drew: I think the show has not been clear about what exactly Dani’s family has done and how bad they are.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: And how bad the company is. So I think, because they brought up the Sacklers, I’m like, “Well, if it was the Sacklers.”

Riese: Right. If it was the Sacklers, sure.

Drew: But I’m confused if that’s actually where they’re at.

Riese: Right.

Drew: Because that hasn’t been shown to us.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: So if they’re just regular evil, rich people, then that’s who funds most museums.

Riese: Right.

Drew: That’s how it works.

Riese: Right.

Drew: So I’m with you on that, I guess, it depends sort of where they are.

Riese: Also, honestly, Núñez is a name to be chanting against doesn’t really hit like Sackler hits.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: It doesn’t have that same impact, in my opinion.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: I don’t understand the stakes, which is Bette threatened to pull Pippa’s art, and then almost lost the show. But now, all the artists whose art are in the gallery are protesting the gallery that they are in.

Riese: Against. Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Analyssa: And there’s no danger that they will lose their show?

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: Am I understanding that correctly?

Drew: Yeah. It doesn’t make a lot of sense.

Analyssa: Okay, cool. Okay. Something else that doesn’t make sense, just if we have more on this, we can come back to it, because we can talk about it at many points in this episode. But the Alice billboard, the billboard for Alice’s book is on Sunset Boulevard, by State Social House, which has great nineties nights on Saturdays, I mean, not since March 2020, I assume.

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: And also by Book Soup, great local bookstore.

Drew: Oh yeah.

Riese: Oh, I love that place.

Analyssa: That is not where this JW Marriot is. The only JW Marriot in Los Angeles is downtown.

Riese: I was like, “Why are they at the fucking Marriot?” I would feel like they would put an Ace Hotel sign on Sunset Boulevard and then film in the Ace Hotel downtown.

Analyssa: Right.

Riese: And then be like, “There, she’s at the Ace Hotel.”

Analyssa: I’m like, The W on Sunset is right there.

Riese: Oh yeah. The W is exact… That’s like L Word level of douchey is The W.

Analyssa: Exactly.

Drew: I shot a movie in the W Hotel.

Riese: I fucking love the W.

Drew: I shot my thesis, my NYU thesis at W Hotel.

Riese: There you go.

Analyssa: So that didn’t make sense to me. And more things that didn’t make sense to me in this little scene are, Alice is being interviewed for her book and is somehow surprised that people are going to ask her about her personal life and wasn’t ready for this.

Riese: I actually was surprised. I was like, “Why in the world did they ask her who she’s dating?” I mean, but I was like, “Is it because this person wants to date her?” Because this person is hot.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: I did think that. And I was like, “If she’s flirting, then fine.”

Drew: I have only asked one time if someone who I was interviewing was dating someone, and it was Mae Martin. And it was because it was our second interview. And the first interview, we had talked about stuff, and Mae said, “I’m not going to answer that question.” And I said, “That’s perfectly fine.” And we carried on. I don’t think it’s standard, so I was surprised by that.

Riese: I would never ask anyone that.

Drew: No, I would not. I would not ask anyone who I didn’t have previous rapport and an internet friendship with.

Riese: Right. And if I did and they seemed even vaguely uncomfortable, I would immediately retreat into my shell.

Analyssa: Yes.

Drew: Yes. Yes.

Riese: And I would then have to tell everyone I knew what I had just done and how embarrassing it was, and I would probably talk about it for at least three weeks.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Right. Yeah, same.

Riese: And then I’d bring it up later on this podcast, in this moment, I would be mentioning it.

Analyssa: Well, this interviewer has watched all the seasons of The L Word, and so has forgotten also that Alice is bisexual.

Riese: Right. Well, and also that there’s lots of different pronouns that could be used by the people… Like I thought her even being like, “So who’s the lucky lady?” I was like, “Come on. It’s 2021. Who’s the lucky lady?”

Analyssa: Yeah.

Drew: Yeah. But as we know, non-binary people only exist to have sex with Finley offscreen.

Riese: Right. Oh, and also it turned… Jose, I guess, had an ex, who was a “they/them” in the first season.

Drew: Oh, really?

Riese: Someone commented.

Drew: Oh.

Riese: So another offscreen non-binary person?

Drew: We love — yeah. Also, maybe Finley had sex with… Was that the person that we saw Finley having sex with?

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Okay. But we never—

Riese: Who Finley didn’t refer to as a girl in that episode, but in the next episode, find out that they used different pronouns.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Thank you.

Drew: Yeah, good stuff.

Riese: Also, there was an interviewer from Out Magazine, and I feel like it could have been an interviewer from Autostraddle.

Drew: Sure could have been.

Riese: In fact, it could have specifically been you.

Drew: I would—

Riese: Actually, you wrote a book piece last week.

Analyssa: I did.

Riese: It could have been either of you.

Analyssa: It could’ve been any of us.

Drew: It could have been you. I think you would’ve been the person who would’ve been cast to do that.

Riese: Right. But I would’ve been like, “Do you think… I could probably get someone else to do this interview.”

Drew: Yeah. I mean, I would’ve loved to. I would’ve done that cameo.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Like me last week, “I’m done watching The L Word: Generation Q.” Me this week, “If they wanted me to be on it, I’d be on it.”

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: I think I’ve already made this reference, but the Lindsay Lohan thing, that’s like, “I never said that, Paris is my friend.”

Drew: Yeah, exactly.

Riese: Because I mean, Autostraddle is like a queer women’s website.

Drew: Yeah, that’d be cool to support us.

Riese: Out Magazine is technically men’s.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: And we actually wouldn’t have asked Alice who the lucky lady was, probably.

Riese: No.

Drew: Maybe they know that.

Analyssa: Journalistic integrity.

Riese: But I would’ve had a lot of questions. It would’ve been like, “Your chapter about Dana. There’s nothing in it about Dana. Tell me about Dana.”

Analyssa: Dana.

Riese: Yeah. And then I would’ve been like, “So tell me more about the vampire. Do you know what happened to her?”

Drew: I would have explicitly asked about her bisexuality.

Riese: Right. Yeah.

Drew: That would have been my—

Riese: “So you’re bisexual.”

Drew: Yeah, I would’ve been like—

Analyssa: “Say more.”

Drew: I would’ve been like, “So do you feel like the acceptance of your bisexuality within women’s spaces has evolved over the years?”

Riese: Yeah. You would’ve been like—

Drew: And she would’ve been like, “I’m dating a guy named Tom.” No episode plot for her this episode. So that’s the problem.

Riese: You would’ve been like, “So Lisa…”

Drew: Yeah. “So have you talked to Lisa, where is she? How is she doing?”

Analyssa: Yeah.

Riese: God, we would’ve killed this interview.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Okay. So at the hospital—

Riese: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Drew: Oh boy.

Analyssa: …Angie, Bette, and Tina are waiting for Angie’s turn to talk to Marcus.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Analyssa: And they’re prepping for prom. Carrie is loaning Angie cufflinks, which Bette, of course, hates with every fiber of her being.

Angie: Carrie said I could borrow some more of her cufflinks. Is she—
Bette: Oh. You know, I have a whole drawer full of cufflinks, if you want to borrow some.
Angie: I know, but she offered.
Tina: I’ll bring them.
Bette: Okay.

Riese: Yeah. Bette has plenty of fucking cufflinks in her goddamn cufflink closet, and if, what the fuck? You know? Carrie probably only has two pairs of cufflinks, and Bette has cufflinks that were given to her by famous artists of the seventies, probably.

Drew: And then the cufflinks. I then made a note that it would’ve been a really funny joke if the episode had gone in a different direction, but instead, we’ll get to that later. But my note was Kayla’s mom comes out and says that they couldn’t get the actor who played Marcus.

Riese: Right.

Drew: Later—

Riese: That’s the joke I make in my recap, damn it!

Drew: Oh really?

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: I haven’t read it. Later, we’ll learn that they just replaced him.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: So why did any of this have to happen? But we’ll get to that. But yeah. So Marcus doesn’t want to meet Angie. Devastation, all around.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: Yeah. We don’t need to get into the weeds of this, but I was confused because Kayla has been hanging out with Angie, and the explanation being presented by Bette, at least, is like, their family is having a tough time adjusting to the reality.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: I think later—

Riese: But they’re already there.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: I mean, again…

Analyssa: And Kayla, again, like Marcus knows, presumably, that Kayla and Angie have been spending time together.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Right.

Drew: So where is Kayla?

Analyssa: What is the—

Riese: This has been discussed. I mean, she’s not writing those questions for sport.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: It’s been discussed, they’re going to meet. It’s really weird that he would just change his mind on this one day. I thought like, “Oh, he’s literally about to die,” which turned out to be true.

Drew: Have you considered that it’s very poorly written?

Riese: I know. That’s the problem now. Last week, we turned a corner.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Because before that I was here, I was talking about characters in someone’s story in my recaps too. But now, I don’t trust anyone anymore.

Drew: Right.

Riese: And now, I have criticisms.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: And one of them is that this doesn’t make any fucking sense.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Everyone’s going to the Marriott today. Big day for JW. Sophie’s there.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Analyssa: She still hasn’t seen Finley.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: And she’s asking Alice if Alice has heard from Finley, who’s, by the way, no longer her employee.

Riese: Why?

Analyssa: So sure.

Riese: Why would Alice have heard from Finley?

Analyssa: I do love that Finley either owns a Bird scooter or is on them so frequently—

Riese: So often.

Analyssa: …that they are part of her brand.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Because Alice is like, “Maybe she took a wrong turn on her little scooter.” And I was like, “Those are everyone’s little scooters.”

Riese: Alice, for sure, doesn’t know that those are everyone’s scooter. She’s like, “Wow. A lot of people in this apartment building must use these scooters.” She doesn’t realize they’re there for everyone.

Analyssa: They’re just all in the corner.

Riese: But also, of course, Finley would be constantly on a fucking Bird.

Drew: Have you guys ever been on Birds?

Analyssa: I refuse to do one.

Riese: I haven’t, but I have driven next to my friends while they were on Birds.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: And thought, “That looks interesting.”

Analyssa: Yeah.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Alice is leaving her show for 12 weeks to go on a book tour, and so they have to have a replacement host. So, that’s fine.

Analyssa: Rachel Maddow is thinking about it. Good for her.

Riese: Yeah. No, she’s not. She’s going to be like, “Kamala Harris will be your substitute host.”

Analyssa: A question for the crowd…

Drew: Yes.

Analyssa: Where are Dani and Gigi eating this breakfast?

Riese: I believe… I mean, it looks like a first floor, right?

Analyssa: It looks like—

Riese: And they both live on higher floors.

Analyssa: It looks like the patio of a hotel. I don’t… Whatever.

Riese: I just want to live a life of strawberries for breakfast. You know what I mean?

Drew: I know.

Analyssa: These bitches are living luxuriously.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: I really wish that they weren’t on the wrong side of this debate so I could enjoy their hotness and their strawberries. But Dani’s upset about Bette’s protest being in the newspaper. Dani’s also going to Eli’s recorder concert later, and Gigi says she’ll bring edibles.

Riese: I love that.

Drew: So Gigi’s fun mom.

Riese: I was like, “This is very authentic.”

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: “This rings true.”

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: And Dani is also prepping for her dad’s trial, which is happening incredibly fast.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: We don’t even know what he’s in trouble for.

Drew: I don’t know anything.

Analyssa: In this show—

Riese: But I also don’t care.

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: Right. I don’t actually wish that the timeline on this was dragged out. But in this show, things you can do overnight. Ready? Go to trial.

Riese: Have an entire relationship.

Analyssa: Organize a poker fundraiser gala for MS.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Analyssa: Organize this protest.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: Right. It’s been 36 hours. I mean, later in the day, it’s been 36… At this point, it’s been 24 hours since she last saw Finley. So we’re… And Alice said, “I saw Finley last night.”

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: So this is the next day somehow, this protest.

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: It’s been 12 hours, max.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: I thought of another one. Oh, buy a high-rise condo with your dad’s money.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: You can do that in one day.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Imagine if all of our days were as productive as the people in The L Word.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: We would be cruising through life.

Riese: My days are not this productive, because all I do all day is write about the fucking L Word.

Analyssa: Anyway, speaking of hating your parents the way that Dani hates her dad, Angie is mad at Tina and Bette—

Riese: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Analyssa: Because of not being able to be Marcus.

Riese: Tina and Bette are hosting a lit pre-prom party with a lot of fancy hors d’oeuvres.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Analyssa: There are so many little dumb finger foods. And it’s like, nice, but also just give these kids some pizza rolls.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Who gives a shit? Alice brings booze for the teens and for the adults.

Riese: Yeah. And they’re like, “Alice, this is children.” She’s like, “It’s prom.”

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: And I’m like, “Right. But you’re not supposed to give them alcohol at prom.”

Drew: They have to get it.

Analyssa: Right. You have to sneak it.

Riese: You have to—

Drew: Or you have to sneak it to them if you’re like cool aunt.

Riese: Yeah. Hello, we all saw — well, you didn’t see because you guys were fetuses at the time — but when Donna Martin in 90210 got drunk at prom, and then she almost didn’t graduate.

Drew: Oh no.

Analyssa: Wow.

Riese: And you know who gave her alcohol? It was the parents?

Drew: Ooh.

Analyssa: Wow.

Riese: Yeah. Because she hadn’t eaten all day, because it was the nineties so people still had storylines where, “We have to fit into this dress so we’re not going to eat all day.” You know what I mean?

Drew: Right. Yeah.

Analyssa: Right.

Riese: And anyway, so she got drunk. It was her first time drinking. And then everyone had to go outside the school and be like, “Donna Martin graduates.” It’s a very important moment of TV history.

Drew: Wow.

Riese: And you guys should watch it sometime.

Drew: Okay. I did just watch Glee for the first time last year. So I’m a little behind.

Riese: Right. Well, you should get it on DVD because all the music is different online.

Drew: Oh, well, then that’s good to know. I do like that Alice says—

Alice: Hey, happy prom, you guys. I love prom, okay? I went all four years.

Drew: That’s a very good character detail.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: I love Leisha’s delivery.

Riese: And it fits right in with her being in a punk band, as we learned in season one.

Drew: Yeah, but it is funny.

Riese: Yeah, it’s funny.

Drew: It fits contemporary Alice.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: I went to two proms. I went my sophomore year and my senior year.

Drew: I went to—

Riese: I went junior and senior year.

Drew: I went to zero proms, which I can get into.

Riese: Wow.

Analyssa: Yeah. Wow.

Drew: But yeah. So a little sore spot, but you know, I’m not in high school anymore. Let’s celebrate that.

Riese: Yeah, that’s great.

Analyssa: Speaking of sore spots, Dani is trial prepping.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: Yeah. And her dad just storms in, he’s mad about the LA Times story. “How’d you let this happen?” And she’s like, “The CAC won’t let it happen. They won’t be bullied by artists.” And he tells her to make it go away. And I think that everyone should make it go away.

Analyssa: I was—

Riese: I don’t like the story, and I want it to be over. I don’t care for it.

Analyssa: I also want… My note says, “Dani’s dad wants us to go away. I want this to go away, just for different reasons.”

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: I did think that the line—

Dani: Hi, dad. We were just talking about how good of a father you are.

Analyssa: …was really funny.

Riese: Oh yeah, that was cute. Yeah. I like that.

Analyssa: That’s all I had to say about this.

Drew: Yeah. Okay. Moving on to, back to prom party, Jordi is trying to put on, is it called a corsage on the—

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Boutonnière.

Drew: Boutonnière. Thank you.

Riese: Oh. Boutonnière.

Analyssa: Corsage is on the wrist.

Drew: The wrist. Right. Okay.

Analyssa: If it’s got a pin, it’s a boutonnière.

Drew: Incredible.

Riese: Good note for my recap.

Drew: Putting a boutonnière on and—

Riese: Boutonnière. That’s quite a word.

Drew: And Angie’s—

Analyssa: Those are really difficult, by the way.

Drew: Oh yeah?

Analyssa: At my high school, we always made parents do them.

Drew: Oh.

Analyssa: I never pinned a boutonnière on a boy that I was going with. I always had—

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: There was always some mom or dad or a handful of them who could do it. And that was just the time.

Drew: That’s why you’re gay now.

Analyssa: And that’s why I’m gay. So true.

Drew: Jordi asks if Angie can postpone her pissed offness, which I thought was sweet.

Riese: A fair question.

Analyssa: I was going to say, I’m kind of on Jordi’s side in this whole thing about prom.

Drew: Oh yeah.

Analyssa: I don’t know. It’s a party. I mean, that is not to say that Angie is not so justified in being upset.

Drew: Sure.

Analyssa: It’s just the—

Riese: Well, is she?

Analyssa: I don’t know.

Riese: I can understand that she’s in a bad mood, but she’s mad at Bette and Tina just because she wants to be mad at somebody.

Drew: She’s a teenager.

Riese: Yeah. She’s a teen. And also, you know what would’ve been great character development or something wild like that for this show is that they could have been brought up that maybe part of the reason Jordi is upset about this is because Angie’s both moms are there throwing this amazing party with these incredible hors d’oeuvres, you know?

Analyssa: With these fancy foods.

Riese: While meanwhile, Jordi’s parents don’t even give a shit that she exists.

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: Right.

Drew: Yeah, that would be an interesting thing. I also wish that maybe they could have established that Angie’s mad at her parents because they could have said something more. You know?

Riese: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Drew: Because that’s where we sort of get to eventually, where Tina’s like, “You could have pushed back more.” And what if Angie had said that? So it didn’t feel so much like, “Oh, this upset teenager, upset at the wrong people.”

Riese: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Drew: Obviously, she’s projecting a little bit, which is allowed, she’s a teenager. But also, there is some justification because it is like, “Wait, that happened in five seconds, and you wanted that anyway.” She does say at one point like, “This is what she wanted.” But I could have had a little bit more of that.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: Yes. Angie’s really mad, and Tina wants Alice to take Carrie’s cufflinks up to her. Basically, Tina and Bette are like, “She’s going to kill us if we engage with her at all.”

Riese: Right.

Drew: Mm-hmm (affirmative).

Riese: Shane and Tess show up.

Analyssa: Everyone is weird about it, because—

Riese: Yeah. Everyone’s so excited.

Analyssa: …Alice is Alice.

Drew: Tess asks if she can help, and Tina’s like, “Yeah, of course.” Which I so was not expecting though. I was expecting her to be like, “No, no, no we’re good.”

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: But Tina was like—

Riese: What did she say, “Bring this plate into the other room”?

Drew: Yeah. I was like, “What?”

Riese: I would have been like, “That’s not a good task. Give me a real task here.”

Analyssa: Also, and then is like, “I love her,” to Shane, she mouths it.

Riese: Right. You just met her.

Analyssa: I was like, “You have said four words to her.”

Riese: So all you mean is that she’s hot and you like her boots, probably. And also, it is funny because Shane has beer, and Bette is like, “They’re teenagers.”

Drew: Right.

Riese: And she’s like, “It’s prom.”

Drew: Yeah, that was good.

Riese: That was cute. That was one of five second moments in this episode that I didn’t hate.

Analyssa: Sophie in her car?

Riese: Yeah, Sophie in her car.

Drew: Yeah. She’s calling the Sheriff.

Riese: Why would Finley be in jail? Because she was just in jail? She thinks she went back to jail, as a place to sleep?

Analyssa: Finley got a punch card when she went to jail and now she’s back to punch it again.

Riese: Right. Exactly. She wants to get her 10th stay free without — why would Finley be in jail? She doesn’t have a car, famously doesn’t have a car.

Drew: That she calls the Sheriff’s department before hospitals is so baffling and doesn’t feel like that’s something Sophie would do.

Riese: I also feel like, again, the show does not want to address disparities in how people of color versus white people are treated by the police. The chance that Finley was just picked up off the street for public intoxication, pretty fucking slim. Call the hospital.

Analyssa: Yeah. But it’s a family birthday. So we have to go put on a smiley face. Micah is there and helping prep for the party, so there’s a lot of plus ones trying to carry their weight this episode. And then Sophie leaves again, to call more places because she’s distracted. Basically Sophie’s distracted the whole time she’s at this party, she’s like, “No, no, it’s fine. I’m here.” And then she’s like, “Actually, I have to go do something else.” So she’s like, “I can help in the kitchen.” She goes into the kitchen to start helping, and then she’s like, “I have to leave.” And luckily Sophie’s mom is here to botch this convo.

Drew: Yeah. She says to Maribel, “Well at least you don’t have to worry about, I’m so happy you don’t have to worry about all that dating crap.” Which feels like such a forced example of, “Ooh, this mom is ableist.” Where we’re like, Maribel dates a lot. We’ve seen her date a lot. Her mom would know that she dates a lot. This is just such a clumsy attempt to show ableism.

Riese: And also when Maribel’s like, “Oh, my mom thinks that no one will ever date me.” And her Mom’s like “No, no, no, that’s not what I said.” Yeah. That literally is exactly what you just said. What were you saying?

Drew: There’s so many ways in which it could have been subtler and still have hit, but they don’t care about that because it’s—

Analyssa: I just am so… bored of families of color, especially — and I’ll speak from my experience because I’m a white Latina — but sometimes your family does understand you. And people who write TV, especially about characters of color, do not understand that obviously there are parents who are not supportive of any number of identities that their kids have. And sometimes that is a friction point, even in very supportive families, but they’re not always just fucking ableist or transphobic as we see later or homophobic. It’s so boring as a conflict to me.

Drew: It’s also not—

Riese: It’s also inconsistent.

Drew: It’s so inconsistent with—

Riese: Sophie’s family was set up as they’re really accepting of her and Dani’s family isn’t accepting of her.

Analyssa: Right. And like Drew said, they’ve seen Maribel date, a lot presumably, because she’s always talking about going on dates. And she’s very close with them.

Drew: And there are, even in a supportive family, there are smaller microaggressions that happen, and would be great to portray. And instead of doing that, they’re just — it’s so lazy and boring and I hate it.

Riese: Yeah. And also then they’re like, “Oh, Micah, you’ll make some man so happy some day.” And I mean, I guess there’s a better time talking about this. I have no fucking idea why she hasn’t told them she’s dating Micah. I have no idea. Anyway.

Analyssa: Speaking of another thing I don’t really understand, we’re back at the CAC, Dani is there to try to do damage control. And she appeals to the director of CAC’s sentimentality about her family brand. I’m like, “This guy doesn’t care.”

Drew: There’s also just no portrayal of Dani having any grasp on the morality of this, which, I guess that’s fine if that’s what you want her character to be. But it’s just baffling to me that — this could have been more interesting if it was Dani feeling torn between her dad and her morals and her mommy Bette. That could have been so much more interesting and instead, there’s no sign that Dani has any grasp. It’s all of a sudden — I don’t understand. I don’t understand. I don’t know.

Analyssa: There’s also an interesting version — Bette sort of hinted at this last episode — of someone sort of taking Dani to task, and maybe this will happen, but I don’t have high hopes, for being a white Latina and thinking she’s doing good. And actually in the process being anti-Black or working against the interests of Black artists, that is something that happens in communities of color, and is a conversation. That’s also not there. So it’s like they’ve taken both of the—

Riese: Yeah. They will never, ever address differences between people of color or anything.

Analyssa: They put up these scenarios that could be interesting, like with Sophie’s family or with this conflict. And you’re like, “Oh, this could be a cool thing if they dug into, oh, that’s not what they’re going to dig into. Okay. Got it, got it, got it.”

Riese: Let’s make this as empty as possible. We still don’t understand at all what their actual involvement with opioids is. I still have no clue. And also really? There’s not a single artist who would show their work in that wing? I’m pretty sure there’s quite a few who would.

Drew: Well, now we at least get to move on to my favorite moment of the episode, which is when Alice is talking about bi-phobia and she asks Angie if she should tell the world she’s dating a man, and Angie just yells—

Angie: Nobody cares.
Alice: Oh. Straightforward. Okay. I can appreciate that.

Drew: And that is how I felt, and I loved it.

Riese: That was also my favorite moment of the episode. I was like, yes. And Alice is like, “I could appreciate that.” That was a highlight.

Analyssa: Another highlight hilariously is that Alice keeps asking Bette for advice and Bette keeps going. “I can’t answer that.” Bette keeps pleading the fifth.

Riese: Yeah what are you, Elizabeth Holmes? Yeah, fucking answer the question. “I can’t recall. I can’t recall.”

Analyssa: She just won’t weigh in.

Riese: “I can’t recall. I can’t recall.”

Analyssa: I think that’s so funny as a character trait. Your friend is being like, “What do you think I should do?” “Oh, I can’t tell you.” It’s so caring too. It comes from a place of, I don’t know where, but it just makes me laugh every time I kind of love it for her.

Riese: Alice says, “The problem is you, capital L lesbians.” But then she doesn’t actually explain actual biphobia practiced by lesbians. She says some — I didn’t even write it down because I don’t care. Because it was stupid.

Analyssa: She quotes something that I think Bette said on the original. She quotes it, like, Bette made one joke one time that was biphobic, and that’s how biphobia is perpetrated by lesbians. And I was like, well…

Riese: Also, I love all these literature reporters knocking down Alice’s story for personal gossip. Angie meets Tess. And Tina — first of all, I do think everybody’s outfits looked good with everyone else’s outfits this season, in this scene I want to say. And I did like the basic idea of this being a day in Los Angeles where there’s these events and people are coming in and out and they’re bringing — that felt very authentic. I’m literally, I’m really… grasping for straws here.

Drew: I can get on board with liking that there were events in Los Angeles.

Riese: People going to each other’s homes on a Saturday or whatever, fucking who knows goddamn this whole season has been four days long. So Tina thanks Tess and Shane for getting Carrie home and Tess is like, “For what it’s worth, I liked Carrie a lot.” And I’m like, did you?

Analyssa: Tess also calls her Eeyore, which I think is kind of a backhanded compliment. She says it in like a—

Riese: She says Shane is Eeyore, too.

Analyssa: It’s all weird.

Drew: Yeah, it’s a very weird moment.

Riese: But why are they lying to — when Tina was like “Did anything happen with Bette?” They’re like, “No, no, not at all.”

Drew: They say later it’s not our business, cause later—

Analyssa: I think they’re covering for Bette and don’t want to get in the middle of the drama.

Riese: Well, that’s shitty.

Analyssa: Yeah, I agree.

Drew: Yeah, it is. It’s not great.

Riese: I know Tina’s not on the main cast—

Drew: They should just be like, “You have to talk to Bette about that because we don’t want to get in the middle of it.” And actually Shane should say that because Tess is trying to make nice with her friends. So Shane should be like, “We’re not going to actually talk about that, but you should talk to Carrie, your fiance, and Bette, your ex-wife.”

Analyssa: “It seems like Carrie was upset, maybe you should chat with her.” So yeah. Tess does think that Shane should tell Tina, Shane disagrees, but then the two of them start hooking up in the bathroom.

Riese: Well Tess says that Shane should tell Tina that Carrie said she was having doubts, which I actually agree, I don’t think she should tell her that, but she should tell her that she was having a rough time and that she seemed to feel like she didn’t fit in.

Analyssa: Like there was something going on—

Riese: Yeah, that something bad happened with Bette. She felt like she didn’t fit in with all these LA lesbians, and they should maybe talk about it, but not she said, “She didn’t know if she could marry you.”

Analyssa: Especially just saying that one sentence without context is assuredly what the show would have Shane do, and that is egregious.

Riese: I did like it when the teenage boy walked in the room and they were like, “Get out of here.” And then Tess was like, “Oh my God, we scarred him.” And Shane was like.

Shane: It was the best day of his life.

Riese: I thought that was funny. So there we go, a moment to highlight.

Analyssa: I just — Ana speaking for Ana. Sex while 17 teenagers are next door, got to be low on the list in types of sex. Nope. Not in this place. Sophie calls Tess. And so then Tess is going to leave and is like, “I have to go handle this.” This is all happening while prom photos are being taken. And these are the worst stage prom photos I’ve ever seen.

Riese: Yeah, go outside?

Analyssa: First of all, go outside. You’re in Los Angeles. It’s very sunny. I’m sure.

Riese: I’m sure that Bette has a great fucking view.

Analyssa: Secondly, you can’t see half the kids. Back in my day, we all lined up in one row. Angie seems to have a lot of friends over, so okay, maybe two. Talls in the back, smalls in the front. Bette seems to only be taking photos of like Jordi and Angie in a little window — whatever.

Riese: Yeah. But what’s important is that they have three people with phones, all standing in a row taking a picture, because one of those is going to be a winner.

Drew: That’s the thought.

Riese: And then Tess comes in and says that she has to leave because she wants to see if Finley is passed out at the bar because Sophie hasn’t found her. And then Angie is still preoccupied with her drama and Jordi is upset about it.

Drew: And then Angie starts to have a panic attack of sorts, burst into tears. It all feels right for prom, in my opinion, based on my prom experiences.

Riese: Well, she’s also like, “It’s your donor that’s the asshole, not your moms or me.” And I’m like, is it? What is happening?

Analyssa: Speaking of parties where people are fighting, Sophie’s grandma’s birthday is happening.

Drew: Why would Maribel rat out Sophie when she also has this secret that she’s dating Micah, it makes no sense. And also why in general, would she do that? She’s close with Sophie. Why this season where we’re like, “Oh, we’d love if Maribel had more of a character.” And they were like, “So she should stop.”

Riese: She should be really mean. Right?

Drew: She should just be mean. That’s the character. Right?

Riese: She should always pick fights.

Drew: And we’re like, “But, why?”

Riese: I sort of enjoyed Sophie and Mari sparring, that was like fun sibling bullshit, but also what they were sparring about. I agreed. What in the world is happening? What are you doing?

Analyssa: I mean, I think she does not like Finley for Sophie. But again, I mean, we’re getting into the thing that we always do, and Drew does most of all. Which is, in my head, this is how it goes. Yeah, I guess it comes from a place of being worried about Sophie and not liking Finley for Sophie, but it feels—

Drew: It’s once again poorly written, because the show is not communicating to us that Maribel sucks. I said that fliply, but that’s no—

Riese: No, she’s funny.

Drew: Yeah. She’s great. But they keep writing these moments for her that are like, wait, why are you doing that to this character? Why are you making this character unreasonable in this way or illogical in this way? It’s very frustrating. Also very frustrating is then Sophie reveals that Micah and Mari are dating and Sophie’s grandma is like, “Isn’t he a trans?”

Riese: The moment where they were both like, “You can’t say a trans” felt like a very authentic parent talking to children about a trans person moment. But other than that, I was just like, “What the flying fuck is happening here?”

Drew: Also why would she—

Riese: Why was that said at all?

Drew: Yeah. Why would she have an issue with it? There’s just no — Micah’s probably been around because he’s been friends—

Riese: They seem to know him.

Drew: Yeah. It’s just so—

Riese: He used to date Dani.

Drew: I mean, that’s what you were saying earlier. It’s just so fucking annoying. I just hate it so much. It’s so fucking annoying.

Analyssa: Agreed. It’s very funny to me that Micah is just sitting there eating his food trying to ignore the chaos.

Drew: Also they don’t subtitle it, so I don’t speak Spanish—

Riese: I listened to it a million times to try to understand what they were saying.

Analyssa: I mean, basically they’re saying they’re worried, they want to know how serious it is, and then there was something that her mom asked that I couldn’t catch. I listened to it four times. And she’s like, “What do you mean? What do you mean by that?” And her mom’s like, “You know what I mean.” So there’s something going on. I don’t know.

Riese: I downloaded it, Google translate, after listening to it several times and not being able to parse out what it was. I downloaded Google translate app to try to translate it. And that part, whatever it is, her mom said, I couldn’t get anything of it.

Analyssa: Yeah. I wonder if it’s slang. I don’t know what Sophie’s family lineage is, or heritage is in the show, but Rosanny Zayas is Dominican, and I wonder if it’s a more colloquial Spanish, because my family is Mexican and speak Spanish, but I don’t speak Spanish super well. So I could understand them, but only to a certain extent.

Riese: Right. We do understand that Micah understands, that she does say that she loves him.

Drew: Yes.

Analyssa: Correct.

Riese: However, they, for some inane reason went over this last week.

Drew: Yes, they did already cover this.

Analyssa: Did she not say anything back last week?

Riese: She did, I think.

Drew: Yeah, I don’t know.

Analyssa: Or did they just kiss?

Drew: And then after all this Micah says—

Riese: I think she basically consented that she also loved him because he said, “I think you love me too.” And she was like smooch. I think. Smooch. Speaking of people doing insufferable things for incomprehensible reasons.

Analyssa: Dani is lying to Gigi about going to Eli’s recital. She was like, “There was lots of traffic.” One, the only other note I have about the scene, because I really, I don’t understand why she did it. I don’t care. Dani has changed the settings of her AirPods, so she’s only wearing one. And I would like to know the hack because I think that wearing two at the same time is very annoying if you’re trying to engage with the world around you.

Riese: I have one more thing to add, which is that in LA you can’t really lie about there being traffic, because people tend to know if there’s traffic.

Drew: And there’s always traffic.

Riese: And there’s always traffic.

Drew: Which she says later, but—

Analyssa: So you should just plan for that. It’s a bad excuse.

Drew: Yeah. If someone says there’s traffic, my response is — I saw my parents for the first time in a while yesterday, and my dad was picking me up from, we were meeting somewhere and my dad was, “Ah, there’s traffic.” And I was like, that’s fine. But obviously there’s traffic. It’s the 101.

Riese: Yeah. Like why lie?

Drew: And why lie? It makes no sense.

Riese: Why lie?

Drew: Just literally—

Riese: Just say—

Drew: Just say I’m so swamped with work.

Riese: I’ve had a really terrible—

Drew: And I want to meet your kid when I’m not like—

Riese: In a bad mood.

Drew: In this bad mood, head space. Why’d you say that? Just fucking say that.

Riese: Just say that. Yeah. If you’re going to lie, cover something up. Kill someone, cheat on someone and then lie about it. Don’t just fucking lie about nothing.

Drew: So then back up at the disastrous prom party, Bette tells Jordi to go to prom alone, which I think is bad advice personally. Like I think she should be like—

Analyssa: I think if there’s anything to do, I mean, I don’t have children. I’m not a parent. I should say that up front.

Riese: Well, you are very close to Carol.

Analyssa: It’s so true. Carol is sort of, in this moment, my daughter. And what I would do if my daughter Carol were in her room on prom night crying, I might send Carol’s girlfriend up just to see how it goes. Maybe Jordi goes up like, just to say, “Hey, I’m going to leave.” It feels like Bette is just basically standing in front of the stairs being like, “You must leave.” It feels like everyone is confused about how to handle Angie, because she seems to mostly be a happy and goes-with-the-plans kind of kid. So this is throwing a wrench in it.

Drew: Well Angie’s role in the family is to be the parent, and so this is the first time we’ve ever seen Angie really act like a teenager where she’s not making a detailed list and doing all these things that are really responsible or taking care of Bette while Bette cries. Instead, Angie’s being a little bit irrational and a little bit upset and they cannot handle having an actual child.

Analyssa: Does me categorizing Angie’s behavior — which you just said is being the parent, and I agree — as “she’s just a happy normal kid,” say anything about my own upbringing and what I think—?

Drew: Does the tone of the anger in my voice reflect anything about mine?

Riese: I would say that if this was my house, my mom would go upstairs and open the door and she’d be like, “Get your fucking shit together. That girl is down there.”

Analyssa: There’s someone here.

Riese: “We just spent—” She’d give me an itemized amount of how much was spent on the hors d’oeuvres, and all the pictures they took, and how much the suit costs, and that they got the suit tailored, and I would be out the door. My mom would put concealer over my crying eyes, and send me to fucking prom.

Drew: Well, instead she sends Jordi outside, and then Tina turns on Bette. And Bette’s like “All I said to Carrie was that we didn’t have to be best friends.” Which I guess is a type of truth.

Analyssa: What’s not a type of truth is she says—

Bette: You know what, actually, I was nice. I was nicer than that. Oh Jesus.

Drew: That is not true.

Analyssa: Right, that’s so far from true.

Riese: But also, I really appreciate Tina was like, “Why did you tell Jordi that Angie was going to come to prom,” and she was like, “I didn’t want to ruin her bad time” or make her — bring her down or whatever. And then Tina’s segue is so clumsy. She’s like, “Well obviously speaking of people who had a bad time, what did you say to Carrie?”

Analyssa: Tina’s doing like—

Riese: Tina’s doing a podcast segue—

Analyssa: Tina’s doing a To L and Back transition, right? “Speaking of you making people sad…”

Drew: Okay. So then Pippa arrives, which, was that planned? I was a little confused about this. Was Pippa invited to the party?

Riese: I don’t know but it’s an hour from Topanga?

Analyssa: No, I think it was a surprise because she’s bringing the news that they have been featured in the LA Times, which is so fast. Oh, another thing you can do in one day.

Riese: Right, also. So this means Pippa and Bette, but wasn’t last night their like—

Drew: Reconciliation?

Analyssa: Yeah, last night they were like, “We can burn shit down together.” Then this morning was the protest.

Riese: So they’ve been dating for three days.

Analyssa: Then it was the prom. And then the LA times came out with a photo of their protest. Okay.

Riese: Right. But also Sophie said it had been 36 hours since she saw Finley. So was there a time jump?

Drew: I don’t know.

Analyssa: Once again.

Riese: Maybe there was a time jump between hotel day and prom day.

Drew: Yeah, so it’s been another day.

Riese: Oh, okay. So it’s been one other day,

Analyssa: Alright. Yeah. Fair. I mean not, but, sure.

Riese: But also, I mean, it will never be resolved, but what the fuck is, where is Finley? So yeah Pippa was like, “We did it, we ruined Dani’s life.”

Drew: She also says that Jordi is crying in the driveway. Well, she says a girl, there’s a girl crying in the driveway.

Analyssa: Hilariously, Tina’s like, “Oh my God, you’re Pippa Pascal.” And you know how you see people’s art in galleries? And then you know exactly what they look like for the rest of your life 20 years later, you’re like, “Oh my God, that’s her.”

Drew: My only defense is that—

Riese: I mean, I could, I could spot Basquiat in a room, I’ll tell you that.

Drew: Is that Bette has presented a world where she’s been obsessed with Pippa Pascal for decades. So even though we never saw this on the original series, I’m assuming whenever we weren’t watching, when it was ever off camera, she was going on and on about how much she loved Pippa Pascal.

Riese: I don’t know if I could ID Georgia O’Keeffe in a lineup.

Analyssa: Right. That’s what I’m saying. She was so obsessed that she had a framed photo of Pippa on their mantelpiece for 20 years?

Drew: It’s a good point. It’s a good point.

Analyssa: I believe that—

Riese: What does Edward Hopper look like?

Analyssa: I would believe that—

Riese: Norman Rockwell, I would spot him.

Analyssa: I almost, when I was thinking of this joke to make on the pod, just like coming up with my little bits, I was like, Andy Warhol was the only person I could think of. And I was like, “I could pick that guy for sure.”

Riese: Frida Kahlo.

Analyssa: Frida Kahlo, very recognizable.

Drew: Maybe Pippa’s art has a lot of self portraits. I don’t know. I’m trying here.

Analyssa: I believe that Tina could pick Pippa’s art out of a lineup because she was married to Bette. That I believe.

Riese: I could definitely spot the guy who played Diego Rivera in Frida.

Drew: You mean Alfred Molina?

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: I could pick Alfred Molina in a lineup.

Riese: Actually I feel like there’s quite a few artists I could spot, but not very many.

Drew: And not one that you were like, “Oh, I saw your show 20 years ago with Bette.”

Riese: Yeah, never.

Drew: Okay. So the CAC is taking down the Nunez wing.

Analyssa: The Nunez wing is no more.

Riese: How are they going to fund the museum now? From some really ethical company?

Analyssa: Don’t ask questions that you don’t want answers to, Riese, because the answer to that question will take up a whole other episode.

Drew: I said, “I once again, wish this was more exciting. And I would like to see artists being called and the coordination of this change happen. If we have to have the storyline at least like make it zoomy, you know.”

Analyssa: What was that intro to The L Word? Was it the wrap party episode where they’re all calling each other being like—

Riese: That’s the poker party.

Drew: Yeah, that’s the poker party. That’s my favorite episode of The L Word ever. That’s what I’m wanting. But with artists.

Analyssa: We did get one win, which was, I think this is a Drew fave, when Jennifer Beals does her crying into laughing situation, or her laughing into crying situation.

Riese: I just hate how they’re…whatever.

Analyssa: Speaking of crying.

Riese: Oh, Alice and Shane have gone and talked to Angie. That was a good move, and they’re like, “It’s his loss if he doesn’t want to meet you.”

Analyssa: Angie’s makeup, I would just want to note, still perfectly intact. Whatever setting spray they used on her face.

Riese: And it wasn’t uUban Decay. Cause that’s an urban myth that that shit works.

Analyssa: That is an urban legend you’re so right. I did love the gay aunts are like shining up here. They’re really supportive. They’re saying all the right things. They’re like, “You should go to prom cause it’ll be fun, or fucking blow off prom if you don’t want to go. Either is fine.”

Drew: Shane’s very anti-prom, which I think is very funny, and fits. Jordan Hull is so good.

Analyssa: Jordan Hull is so good.

Riese: She is really good.

Drew: She’s so good in this scene.

Analyssa: So Tina didn’t know she was dating Pippa, I guess.

Drew: Yeah. And then they kiss in front of Tina, which is a very strange thing to do with like — I just wouldn’t kiss my girlfriend in front of my ex-wife, generally.

Riese: No. Well also, she’s like “How long have you been seeing Pippa.” And Bette’s like, “not long” but she says it in the way that it’s supposed to seem like it has been a long time, but it hasn’t, it has been three days.

Analyssa: And then Bette is like, “Maybe we should go back.” And for one second I saw Tina’s eyes light up, and I heard the eyes of all the Tibette shippers out there, light up. And then Bette goes, “I meant back to the hospital.” Tina was hoping that she meant back to boning while there was stir-fry on the stove.

Riese: Really?

Analyssa: I think so.

Riese: But Tina is the one who left Bette.

Drew: No, I don’t know.

Analyssa: I’m just telling you what I saw on Laurel Holloman’s face, dude.

Riese: You saw something on her face somehow?

Analyssa: I saw her make that face. She’s hopeful.

Riese: Interesting.

Drew: Also, Angie has gone to prom. Angie did decide to go to prom.

Riese: Oh, great.

Drew: That also was established.

Analyssa: Micah and Maribel are cuddled up watching Netflix. If Netflix exists in The L Word universe, are these bitches able to watch the first six seasons of The L Word?

Riese: Apparently not, because no one—

Analyssa: On Netflix?

Riese: …on this team remembers that Alice and Bette dated and finger banged at the opera. I am certain of that.

Drew: Just like Shane. I’ll never forget that.

Analyssa: That’s Micah and Mari’s favorite scene.

Riese: I know. And I’m like, Drew will never forget that. And so, you guys should respect her by remembering it.

Drew: This is when Micah’s like, “I don’t speak Spanish, but I know the word amor.” And again, they said that last episode. I don’t understand what the big deal is. And then he just says that he could see being her “esposo” someday. What the fuck is happening? God.

Analyssa: Really intense. Really, really deep in there.

Riese: I mean, we still don’t even know what happened—

Drew: Have they ever gone out as not friends, like to a restaurant? Anything, on a date?

Riese: Why was he mad that he was talking to a guy at the karaoke bar?

Drew: It’s so rushed and terrible.

Riese: Why did they talk for a week after that?

Analyssa: And again—

Riese: Has the crisis at the border been solved?

Drew: Maybe if Micah—

Riese: No, that’s a new crisis at the CAC.

Drew: Maybe if Micah was in every episode, there would be more time for the storyline to not feel rushed. Said that last week, say it again this week.

Riese: Well, you know who they could come cut out of this whole fucking shebang? Is fucking Dani’s dad. And then we’d all get a bunch of time back. I mean, I get the feeling from on the set photos they like him, the actor, like they’re all friends. Maybe that’s why he keeps being in it.

Drew: That’s nice of them.

Riese: I’ve had enough.

Analyssa: I’ve had enough.

Riese: I’ve had quite enough.

Drew: They were friends with Erin Daniels and they killed her.

Analyssa: What if they did—

Riese: Big regret.

Analyssa: What if they did a real soap opera thing and killed Dani’s dad, but then he came back as her uncle or something and was just there to have fun.

Drew: A very nice uncle.

Analyssa: I don’t know, flirt with Alice or something. Who knows?

Drew: Ooh, fun.

Riese: Yeah. That’s fun.

Analyssa: That could be fun.

Riese: Yeah. Bette and Tina are at the hospital and Bette is on the phone talking about her victory at the CAC.

Analyssa: And Tina hates it because she above all wants Bette to just be nice to Carrie. Then Tina asks Bette—

Tina: Are you still in love with me?

Riese: And then, surprise! Time to see Marcus.

Drew: Yep. And if Bette chooses Tina over Pippa. I don’t even know. I don’t even know. What am I going to do? I’m powerless. I have no control. I have no control in Hollywood. I have no control over the writers from The L Word: Generation Q. What am I going to do?

Analyssa: I have Drew—

Drew: Talk about it on this podcast. That’s what I’m going to do.

Analyssa: I have Drew tied up to the sofa in our living room with eyeballs held open watching this show.

Riese: I just don’t want Carrie to be sad again.

Analyssa: We don’t want Carrie to be sad anymore.

Riese: Also, Pippa obviously has trust issues, and if Bette fucks her over, I do not want Pippa or Carrie to get wronged.

Drew: No.

Riese: I’m more concerned about them than I am about Bette and Tina, honestly.

Drew: Oh, absolutely. Absolutely.

Analyssa: I was just about to say, something interesting about Gen Q is that they’ve given us all of these new characters. I would take a bullet for most of these people and I don’t want them to be hurt, but Alice, Bette, and Tina, and Shane, I don’t know. Shit happens. Adult life is hard.

Drew: If Tina leaves Carrie, maybe Gigi can fuck her brains out. I would, I would watch a Gigi Rosie O’Donnell sex scene.

Riese: I don’t think Rosie O’Donnell would ever in a million years do a sex scene.

Analyssa: You think?

Drew: I would love it though.

Riese: Yeah. It would be fun.

Analyssa: She could have a really ironclad nudity clause.

Riese: So does Bette.

Analyssa: Jennifer Beals.

Riese: Jennifer Beals, who is never going to let us see her boobs.

Drew: She doesn’t have to show us her boobs. It could just be like—

Analyssa: We sound like teenagers. “Show us your boobs!”

Drew: Show us your boobs, Rosie!

Riese: It’s not so much that she won’t show us her boobs as it is that people keep bras on for so long in these sex scenes. I find that to be unethical.

Drew: No, just get more creative. It’s very silly.

Analyssa: The representation of—

Drew: I don’t even wear bras when I’m not having sex.

Analyssa: I was just about to say, representation fails because I know lesbians, to quote Alice. I know a lot of lesbians. Odds that all of them are wearing a bra in one room at any given point?

Riese: Slim.

Analyssa: Slim.

Riese: Especially first season, we’ve had lots of no bra representation. Dani didn’t wear a bra. Sophie didn’t wear a bra. I mean, Shane has never worn a bra, so that’s accurate at least. Anyway, the point of this is that Gigi and Dani, is that where we are now?

Drew: We are at Gigi and Dani. And Gigi tells Dani that Eli got a bloody nose. And then Dani’s like, “I didn’t, I wasn’t. I lied.” And then she gets mad.

Analyssa: That’s actually not what happens. What happens is that Dani fucks up her lie. And here’s my thing. If you’re going to lie about, as Riese said earlier, nothing, at least be good at it. If you’re just going to lie to make your life more convenient for the evening so you don’t have to do a whole conversation with Gigi about why you bailed on her kid’s recital, stick to the lie. She goes, “Yeah, sorry I couldn’t make it. I just had such a long day.” And Gigi’s like, “Didn’t you say there was traffic?”

Riese: I think if I was in Gigi’s position at this point, I might just call it off.

Drew: Oh yeah. I’m done.

Analyssa: But this has opened up the door for some of Gigi’s favorite things to do, which is communicate.

Drew: I said, Gigi loves this, LOL.

Riese: Gigi is hot for communication.

Analyssa: She loves to tell people how she’s feeling. And I love that for her. She says that Dani’s being hurtful and that the things that Dani’s doing are hurting her.

Riese: Then she hugs her. And then Dani’s like, “I told Finley no one holds me when I’m sad.” And I’m like, yeah, you’re realizing what I realized after writing the recap is that you get lots of hold offers and you turn them down, like me at the Los Angeles Public Library.

Analyssa: I had the same note, which was Gigi went in for the hug. And I was like, oh, someone’s holding Dani. Well, well, well.

Drew: But Dani says that Gigi’s the only person she has. And I’m like, what about Micah?

Riese: Micah’s learning Spanish on Netflix right now.

Analyssa: You know who also speaks Spanish? Is Dani. So Micah and Dani could be pals. They could talk to each other in Spanish. Micah could learn Spanish separately of Maribel.

Drew: No, we got that one scene of Dani and Micah being friends—

Analyssa: One scene.

Drew: …my favorite scene of The L Word: Generation Q in my favorite episode of The L Word: Generation Q. I was too enthusiastic. I was cursed. And now the show is bad.

Riese: Gigi also tells her that—

Gigi: You’re pretty prickly when you’re sad.

Riese: Which is true and cute.

Analyssa: It is cute. Also, I am in this picture and I don’t like it. That part, I was like, oh no. The idea of no one ever knows when I’m sad and no one ever takes care of me when I’m sad. And then someone being like, “Hey, the thing about that is you push people away when you’re sad.” I was like—

Drew: Brutal.

Analyssa: … uh-huh (affirmative), that’s interesting.

Drew: Brutal.

Analyssa: Something to take to my therapist when I have one.

Riese: Why are my notes here says, “Gigi is like, yo?”

Analyssa: I mean, I guess she kind of is like that.

Drew: That sums it up.

Riese: Did I want to write something else?

Drew: I’m sure you did.

Analyssa: I think so.

Riese: What did she—

Drew: I don’t know. Sort of like I had a note earlier that was, “Why does this?” And I was like, there was probably more than that or maybe not.

Riese: That’s pretty much a blanket… like “for us as lesbians.” “Why does this?”

Drew: Sophie keeps calling Finley at the bar.

Riese: Why do people keep calling people?

Drew: I don’t know.

Analyssa: And leaving multiple voicemails. By the time I check my voicemail—

Riese: Which will be three months from now.

Analyssa: One will suffice, maybe two.

Drew: Yeah. And then basically Tess tells Sophie, Finley has stuff to work out and she’s not going to be able to do it if you’re there to take care of her.

Riese: I disagree. And I think this is terrible advice.

Analyssa: I also disagree.

Riese: And also, if you’re there to pick up the pieces, I think she’s pretty clearly not picking up the pieces.

Drew: Yeah, that’s fair.

Analyssa: That’s the thing is, I don’t think it’s actually great advice because—

Riese: Finley will need support.

Analyssa: Right. I’m surprised that Tess wasn’t like, look, you can’t handle this all on your own. There are resources for her. She’s going to have to decide that she wants to get better. You can’t pick up all the pieces yourself.

Drew: That would be better advice.

Analyssa: That makes sense to me. But being like—

Riese: Leave her.

Analyssa: “You must stop trying to pick up the pieces.” This gets into the thing that I’m about to be mad about next, but I’ve never seen anyone have to pick up the pieces for Finley’s drinking before. This show is asking me to do this huge logical leap. I linked in the show notes last week, and probably will again this week, the essay about, I think it was Britni de la Cretaz, is that how you say their name?

Riese: I don’t know how to say that.

Analyssa: An essay on how The L Word: Gen Q mishandled Tess’ original storyline. And in reading it, there’s some stuff about Finley’s storyline from the first season. Just the pieces don’t all add up to the thing that they want me to believe they add up to, and it is driving me again as a person of “I quit drinking” experience, insane. Every time I watch it, I’m like, this doesn’t make any sense. Anyway, okay. But before that—

Riese: But when she said this, I was like, fuck, is that what they’re going to do? Because like I fucking hate, hate, hate storylines where somebody tells them, you have to break up with them for this thing to happen. Even like Phyllis telling Shane, “You have to break up with Molly. You’re bad for her.” And then Shane going to do it. And Molly being like, “What the fuck?” Is that what’s going to happen? Because first of all, I fucking hate that. Second of all, I understand that there’s certain ideas around dating someone when you’re in recovery, but Finley is not even there yet. Finley is missing. Sophie never picked up a fucking piece. She has not tried anything. Sophie has not tried a single goddamn thing to help Finley. No one has.

Analyssa: Another thing is I don’t even really want to be mad at Sophie for not trying, because up until now there’s been no need to try anything other than, like you said last episode.

Riese: We haven’t seen Finley—

Analyssa: We saw Finley chugging a beer. In the first season, this essay reminded me, she makes kind of off hand comments like, “I’ve never had sober sex.” Or she had to steal this bike because she woke up hungover. There are things that indicate that her drinking is to an extreme that is A, not healthy, and B, affects her day to day life, which are some markers of alcoholism. What has never been shown to me is that she is a fucking disaster of a drunk and that makes all these messes that people have to clean up, can’t take care of herself. Mostly, she’s like a party girl.

Riese: Seems to be fine.

Analyssa: Does she feel good and whole and worthy inside? Absolutely not. But does she go through most days functional and doing the things that she needs to get done?

Riese: She’s not even late to work. She shows up for what she’s supposed to show up for. Everyone treats her like a party lesbian, which is a whole type of person. And there’s hundreds of them right here in this city.

Analyssa: Right here in this fine city.

Riese: Right. And that’s the thing is, I don’t want to sound like I’m mad at Sophie like she owes Finley something she hasn’t done for her, but they haven’t set up Finley needing pieces picked up and they haven’t set up anyone picking them up.

Drew: No. I mean, we see a little of it with Rebecca, but it’s something that she really only shows a few times.

Analyssa: That’s why the Sophie and Maribel scene earlier was also frustrating to me is because Mari’s like, “I have to talk about this because it’s such a big deal that you’re still dating this person.” Other than your sister’s girlfriend is kind of like a dirt bag, that’s as far as I would give what I’ve seen Maribel see in this series. I think she’s not good enough for you, but that’s fine. It’s not like she’s, I can’t believe you would date this person. You’re still lying for her. You’re still doing all this stuff. Where is this coming from?

Riese: Yeah. And the thing that Finley did that pissed everyone off the most, interrupt the wedding, she was stone cold sober for that. And also, when her and Sophie had sex, which Sophie initiated when they had sex while she was with Dani, she was sober then too. The things that people don’t like about Finley don’t tend to be things that happen while she’s drunk, which obviously, I’m not saying she doesn’t have a problem. She does. This is just out of fucking nowhere. It’s like we’ve talked about before, the only story they really want to tell is a relapse story. They don’t actually want to tell a story about people talking or thinking about their relationship to alcohol.

Analyssa: Right. It feels like, we’ll just go into the next scene because this is all overlapping with it. This is part of the reason I argued against addiction and alcoholism stories on TV because so many writers go for the most dramatic rock bottom that could ever exist. Finley is stumbling around in a hallway, dark, confused.

Riese: How did she get there?

Analyssa: Where is she? We don’t know. She pulls down her pants. She’s peeing in the hallway. She’s falling in her pee. She looks ill.

Riese: Yeah. And we have never seen anything like this from her before, ever.

Analyssa: All of this is so extreme. That’s what I’m mad about is they’ve taken the easiest way to indicate that someone has a problem when up till now they’ve been putting in all these sort of small nuanced, is this? That’s an interesting story. There are many party people, I will include myself in this, people think are charming and fun and exciting and always know the next place to go hang out and always want to drink one more beer and it’s just a kick-ass time, who wake up one morning and are like, “Holy shit. I really don’t have a handle on this actually. It feels out of my control,” for whatever number of reasons. Finley has that moment with Rebecca. Finley goes home to Kansas City and is sober. All of those moments could have been Finley’s bottom. And instead what we’ve done is be like, nothing is a rock bottom unless you’re falling over in your own pee.

Riese: First, they outsource it to the criminal justice system. The other thing is Finley didn’t seem to really care about the DUI, so why would this be prompting her to suddenly be a pee in hallways drunk, who has been missing for 36 fucking hours?

Analyssa: I mean, I guess her fight with Sophie has prompted her to do this. But again, that fight felt rooted in not the reality of what we’ve seen from Finley. And I’m not suggesting—

Riese: Or we’ve seen from Sophie. Who in their right mind would ever let Finley just leave the house like that?

Analyssa: Right. I’m not suggesting at all that Finley is not an alcoholic. What I’m suggesting is that there are many different types of alcoholics, I know a lot of them, in fact, and there are many different types of rock bottom. They’ve chosen the most dramatic version of this for a story with Finley that actually doesn’t feel in line with her character at all or how she experiences-

Riese: There’s no escalation here. There wasn’t last season either. It seemed like it was escalating. It was peaking at Rebecca. And then they had this thing where suddenly the thing with Sophie started and Finley wasn’t drinking, which we all noticed and talked about, but no one said anything about it on the show. We were like, that’s the first time Finley’s had sober sex with someone. We wrote that in. But they didn’t say it.

Riese: And then this season it’s been like she was sober, but there’s been no escalation, just in terms of how to tell a story. They have not built us here.

Analyssa: What I would be less angry about and believe more for the character I’ve seen is Finley getting wasted at some bar, hitting on a bunch of people, kind of being embarrassing to herself. They’re like, “You have to go.” She’s wandering some more. Her outlet is partying. And that is really tied up with drinking obviously. I’ve never seen this girl’s outlet to be drinking so that she looks like she is sick and peeing in a hallway of a fancy building, which I’ll move on now, we find out is Dani’s building.

Riese: How?

Analyssa: How did she get in, first of all? Well, actually one step further. How does she know where Dani lives? Because Dani bought this apartment with her dad.

Drew: Makes no sense.

Riese: Like five days ago.

Analyssa: And is not friends with any of them right now.

Riese: Right. I don’t even know where you guys live.

Analyssa: Finley is wandering around. I can give you our address. Finley is wandering around drunk in Los Angeles and either knew the address to Dani’s to put into a Lyft app or Uber or—

Riese: Or a Bird.

Analyssa: Or knew Dani’s address to Bird there. And Dani lives in a high rise. I’ve seen it. It looks very fancy. There is for sure a key code at the door.

Riese: There is no way—

Analyssa: There’s no way you can just walk into that apartment building.

Riese: The people who live in those apartment building do not let drunk people falling over themselves walk into the apartment building.

Analyssa: Riese, we can’t even walk into your apartment building without a code.

Riese: Yeah. Well, people have, but yeah, you can’t walk into my apartment building without the code. That’s true. People found other ways to get in. Why would she go to Dani’s? Why didn’t she go to Tess’, Shane’s? She knows where Shane lives.

Analyssa: Because they lost it outside. We talked about it last week. She also is incapacitated.

Riese: That would’ve been much more moving by the way, is her landing on fucking Shane’s doorstep because Shane used to be the person on the doorstep.

Drew: But they’re not trying to make it moving. They’re trying to make it dramatic.

Riese: They’re trying to make it ugly, suddenly. They’ve been coddling Finley this whole fucking series. And now suddenly they want it to be ugly.

Analyssa: Which feels so incongruous with the character, and also just weirdly mean, not to Finley, but to the idea of alcoholics and how you might find your way to a bottom to get to recovery. I’m certain that there are people in the writer’s room who are sober. Otherwise, that would be truly mind boggling. But I can’t understand this arc.

Riese: I mean, are there? I don’t know.

Analyssa: She’s incapacitated enough to pee in the hallway and fall over and put her hand in it. But she still has the wherewithal to find, not just Dani’s building, but Dani’s door, banging on the correct door.

Riese: They could have had an escalation that peaked today at the family party where maybe she was drinking at the party with Sophie’s family and embarrassed herself. I wouldn’t have wanted to see that because maybe like the writers, I love Finley and Sophie and I want them to be coddled and I don’t want Finley to embarrass herself in front of Sophie’s family. But would that have made more sense?

Analyssa: Yes.

Riese: Yes.

Analyssa: Okay. We’ve got it all out. I mean, I’m sure we had more.

Drew: I mean, we’re going to—

Riese: I know. We haven’t.

Analyssa: We’ve gotten some stuff.

Drew: We come back.

Riese: Dani calls Sophie and Sophie is at Dana’s and she answers it.

Drew: Yeah. And then we go to—

Analyssa: Speaking of being on the phone.

Drew: Yeah. Alice is on the phone with a reporter who once again is asking Alice about her personal life after saying she’s done so much for lesbians on TV.

Analyssa: A question I have is how did Alice get branded as a capital L Lesbian talk show host? Because this felt like a very easy time to say when the reporter was like, “You’ve done so much for lesbian representation,” to be like, “Ha ha, actually I’m bisexual, but I hope I represent queer women—” or “I’m so glad lesbians relate to me.” There were so many other options. And instead what she does is roll with this reporter calling her a lesbian talk show host, and then say, “Well, I’m dating a man named Tom.” That is opening her up for the thing that she seems deeply afraid of, which is that people will make fun of her on the internet.

Drew: Yeah. And actually she clarifies a cis-man, which I actually really liked because I do think that Alice would date a—

Riese: The assumption would be—

Drew: … would date a trans man and still identify and not be worried about him. That fits with Alice and Alice’s community.

Riese: Do I understand being a bisexual who stops dating men and then you call yourself a lesbian and then everyone starts to call you a lesbian and then you just kind of are a lesbian? Yes.

Drew: But is that what happened with Alice? Is that what we’re led to believe that throughout the last 10 years she hasn’t identified as bisexual publicly?

Analyssa: I don’t think we’ve been led to believe anything.

Riese: I believe that that’s what’s been happening because that’s what happened to me personally.

Drew: No, I know. I know what you were—

Riese: Because that seems possible to me. But I would think she’d be like, “Actually, I’m not a lesbian. I’m bisexual.” And then say, “And I’m dating a man.”

Analyssa: She’s been offered so many opportunities on record this episode even, not even over the last 10 years. I can see how again, the identity or label that gets assigned to you can just kind of get away from you. And you’re like, okay, I’ll just roll with that. But right now specifically, people are always telling her how great it is — Carrie, how great it is that there’s a lesbian on TV.

Drew: Yeah, she never—

Analyssa: She could just be like, “I’m not one.”

Riese: Totally. This is what I would say if I was in her position, which I could be, but I’m not because I have a girlfriend is, “Actually, yeah, I did identify as a lesbian for a long time because that kind of just seemed like the right fit for me. But I actually used to identify as bisexual and I think I identify as bisexual again because I’m actually dating a man.”

Analyssa: That’s all. That’s a side of myself that I’m exploring.

Drew: So we go to Angie’s prom. She and Jordi apologize to each other. Jordi lost prom queen, very sad. But they dance and it’s cute.

Analyssa: It’s sweet.

Drew: I will say—

Riese: Did they not want to hire any extras for this scene?

Drew: I guess not, which I get. That’s fine.

Analyssa: In my head, they’re outside of Olivia Rodrigo’s Sour Prom 45-minute concert. They’re in the—

Drew: So funny. Angie and Jordi feel very chaste to me and very much don’t even really feel like girlfriends. There’s got to be an in-between, between sexualizing teenagers, which I don’t want, and them feeling like—

Riese: I don’t think they’ve even tongue kissed. They hug.

Analyssa: They hug a lot.

Drew: They hug. They hug all the time. It is just a little bit weird. There’s got to be an in-between.

Riese: Is it because the actors are young? Because Sex Education is about high school.

Drew: The actors are a lot older.

Riese: Or like Beverly Hills 90210, as aforementioned

Drew: So is Euphoria. But it is because the actors are actually teenagers here. So it makes sense that they wouldn’t have graphic sex scenes, like in Sex Education. I get that and support that. But I do think there’s an in-between. They don’t even have to make out. There even just is a way of—

Riese: They could just kiss.

Drew: There is also just a way of touching.

Riese: They kiss on Degrassi.

Drew: There’s a way that they could hold each other, touch each other that could just be a little bit more flirtatious. I don’t know.

Riese: Yeah, I agree.

Drew: They just have friend chemistry, not romantic chemistry, which is fine, I guess. I really felt it this episode where I just was like, mm.

Analyssa: Yeah, my note is towards the end when they’re in the little montage dancing, which we’re about to get into, but the climax of their dancing outside of prom is that they do one very intense hug. It’s like, I don’t need to see two 17-year-olds have sex, especially on this show.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: Or ever. But Euphoria, or Sex Education, where 20-year-olds are playing 17-year-olds, that’s okay, we’re getting into something different, but the—

Riese: The hugging is—

Analyssa: The hugging needs to stop.

Riese: It’s reminiscent of what all gay people used to do on TV.

Drew: That’s what’s bothering me, I think, about it, is I just am a little bit… And especially, I don’t know, especially because she’s trans. I don’t know if I have an actual specific critique. It’s just hitting me weird.

Riese: Yeah, no. It was super weird because last week… Two weeks ago… When was the Singing in the Rain thing?

Anayssa: Two weeks.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: When they were like, “I’m so glad you…” And then they did the hug, and I’m like, “These…” Come on.

Drew: I mean, maybe the actors don’t feel comfortable, in which case, respect those 17-year-old actors.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: But even a kiss on the cheek or an arm around the shoulder can feel very like, “We are a couple who are dating.” And these hugs are very like, “Oh my God, my best friend…” Yeah.

Drew: Yeah, yeah.

Riese: Yeah. They have best friend energy.

Analyssa: Riese and I had more chemistry when we hugged hello at the door than these two have. They have, yeah, best friend… Like, “Oh my God, are we so cute together?”

Riese: Right.

Drew: Right.

Riese: Also, Angie she does look great in her suit. I don’t know if we took… cut through that.

Analyssa: And I love that Jordi is wearing basically a Betsy Johnson dress to prom, because that was critical to my prom experience.

Riese: It also had the Villanelle vibes of that.

Analyssa: Yes.

Riese: Which… classic.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Drew: Okay. So Bette and Tina have made their way—

Analyssa: For some reason I stopped taking notes here.

Drew: So they’ve made their way to Marcus. So they recast him. So why is any of this storyline happening, if he didn’t have to, if he could just live on, why is he saved?

Riese: I have no idea. Also, why did they recast a lighter skinned actor?

Analyssa: That is a bummer. Why do it? And again, why have Angie have another Black relative who dies?

Drew: Yep.

Riese: Right?

Drew: Well, we’ll get there.

Riese: I don’t know what happens next because I don’t have notes.

Analyssa: Right. Okay. So Bette and Tina are in Marcus’s hospital room.

Riese: Oh yeah. And he’s like, “Congrats on…” So I guess he’s reading the fucking LA times.

Drew: Yeah. Bette gives Marcus Angie’s questions and he’s like, “Oh I didn’t… I guess I can meet her. Sure.” That’s it.

Riese: What? Like, what is ha—

Drew: I don’t… It makes no… none of it makes sense.

Riese: Do their schedules not line up?

Drew: Yeah. I’m not…

Riese: What was going on? I don’t know. But he’s proud of Bette for raising Angie, who’s obviously such a great kid because she has great handwriting or whatever.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Bette and Tina lock eyes because Bette is like, “We did it together.” It’s so cute. Again. I’m telling you, I can hear the people who want Bette and Tina together just thrilled.

Riese: Which is most people I think.

Analyssa: I think it is.

Drew: That’s so…

Analyssa: It’s surprising to me.

Drew: I’m so… I’m just…

Analyssa: Also though, just one quick thing. As a person of LA experience, Marcus has a show going up. He’s still an artist. He has a show going up and Bette calls it Lock-ma. I call it Lack-ma.

Drew: I call it Lack-ma.

Riese: Oh, I call it Lock-ma.

Drew: Oh, wow.

Analyssa: Fascinating. Okay. That’s why I brought it up, because I knew someone would have an opinion.

Riese: I don’t understand how they haven’t crossed paths at all. He’s in LA. He’s in LA, now.

Analyssa: And he has a show at Lack-ma?

Riese: He has a show.

Drew: Doesn’t make any sense.

Riese: It seems like she would’ve literally had to actively avoid him.

Drew: Yeah. That doesn’t make any sense. Okay.

Riese: I keep forgetting that the original series was also set in LA.

Drew: We go back.

Riese: He doesn’t live in Vancouver anymore.

Drew: Yeah. I also have that. So then we’re back with Finley and she asks… She’s like, “Your apartment’s amazing. Why did you live in that with us?”

Riese: That was kind of funny.

Drew: But did Finley live there?

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: I thought Finley lived… I thought Finley’s whole thing was that she was living with Shane.

Riese: Right. But then she got kicked out of Shane’s and, and she moved.

Analyssa: At some point…

Drew: Okay.

Riese: Cause Quiara came so she…

Drew: Right. Right. Right. Right.

Riese: And then she and Sophie was like, “Just live with me.”

Drew: Right, right.

Riese: Because they were secretly falling in love with each other.

Drew: Right, right. Sorry. Sorry. Okay.

Riese: I mean the things that Finley says in this are a little bit funny.

Analyssa: Yes.

Riese: You know, when she’s just like, “Wow, you’re such an adult,” and like Gigi and Dani are like, “What is happening?” But also they have made her look like fucking Macaulay Culkin on a terrible, terrible night, in the late nineties.

Drew: It’s like… It’s so painful to watch, and so unnecessary. And then Finley says to Dani, “That’s the look. You’re giving me the look, the look that Sophie gives me.” When did we see that before? It was talked about. It’s classic show-don’t-tell. Like what? You can’t just be like, “Oh, in the last episode, we invented that there is this look that Sophie gives Finley when she’s scared of her.” Like what? When did…

Riese: Finley’s accidentally stepping in her own pee, but also keenly aware of Dani’s facial expressions.

Analyssa: Yeah. I didn’t take notes. Drew, thank you for doing the heavy lifting. Because Riese stopped notes. I didn’t take notes on this.

Riese: I was upset, I guess.

Analyssa: I don’t know why you stopped, but I didn’t take notes on this scene. My only note says, “Finley, Gigi, Dani scene makes me mad. I don’t know, whatever. We get it. She’s an alcoholic.” It just felt so…

Drew: It’s terrible.

Analyssa: Obvious. Like it’s just, it’s not…

Drew: Well, something that I think has been coming up a lot in these episodes is that oftentimes, we frame things being politically bad or offensive in various ways…

Riese: Bad for representation.

Drew: Yeah. There’s like that. And then there’s bad art. And so often they’re the same. So often it’s lazy writing because it’s not truthful writing and so it’s bad from a narrative perspective and it’s bad from a being shitty to people perspective. I wish that more and more culturally beyond The L Word, we were able to talk more about that and stopped creating this line between stuff being politically sound and being artistically sound. Because usually it’s one. The graph is whatever… How graphs work. Like it’s the same, the pie chart is what… The ven diagram is a circle. That’s what I was trying to say.

Analyssa: The graph is how graphs work.

Drew: So everything that is bothering us, and I say politically, but it’s really just representing people in a way that is inaccurate, and shitty, and untruthful. And that also is just terrible writing and I hate it. And then we go into our final montage, where we’re going to get to the last thing that I hate is…

Riese: So has Sophie already picked her up?

Analyssa: No, that’s at the end.

Riese: Okay.

Drew: Yeah. So Angie and Jordi are dancing and chastely hugging. Tina thanks Bette for making it happen, that Angie’s going to…

Riese: Everyone thanks Bette for everything.

Drew: Yeah. And then the two of them are being all like, “Oh my God, Angie’s so lucky to have a mom like you.” And it’s like a moment where they’re just… It’s just like, fuck already. Get it over with and ruin our lives. And then… Oh! Oh!

Riese: Surprise!

Drew: Marcus dies.

Analyssa: We’re coding.

Riese: Yeah. Which also, how many… They love having people coding on this. I know on this show, but also it was so weird because now Tina and Bette were present for his death. His own wife and child weren’t, which is weird.

Drew: Yeah. Yeah.

Analyssa: They were downstairs buying a ‘you are my sunshine’ flower.

Riese: Right? Exactly. I know — Kayla should have come up with little, ‘you are my sunshine flower’ and then everyone could have cried. I was just like, “Really guys?”

Drew: If Tina was the last person to see my husband alive, I would think she killed him. What have you done, Tina Kennard? I just… It makes me so mad. We already talked about it, but it’s just so gross.

Riese: Stop killing Black people on this show, please. And, and then the weird thing is that this, this season, we also found out that, against what we believed, Bette’s mom is actually alive, but she’s the white parent. So the only living family member—

Analyssa: Yeah, yeah. Yep.

Riese: Like, did no one say this is a little bit messed up? Also, they just introduced him.

Analyssa: And again, what is the point of re-introducing him? And re-casting him if they were just going to kill him off? Couldn’t he have been… Unfortunately he died two years ago. Okay. Fine. Then I don’t have to meet a character… invest.

Riese: What happened to the kidney?

Drew: Yeah. We didn’t explain that at all.

Riese: It’s just, what was the point? What was the point of having the storyline at all? What was accomplished by Angie not meeting Marcus? What did that do?

Analyssa: We’ve traumatized Angie.

Drew: Yeah. I don’t know why.

Analyssa: Just killed someone else?

Drew: Yeah. It makes no sense. Again, it’s just lazy. It’s the same thing of what we’re talking about with Finely.

Analyssa: Cause more pain for Black women?

Drew: It’s just that they don’t, they don’t know how to create conflict, unless it’s the most obvious ways of creating conflict. So it’s death, it’s jail. It’s cheating. That’s the only way they know how to create conflict.

Analyssa: I wish there were more cheating.

Drew: I know. I know. Right?

Analyssa: I just, I wish that I didn’t have to be having this conversation. Not with you two. This is lovely. But I just mean, I wish I was just excited about what they were getting up to.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: I wish I weren’t thinking about what the writer… I just am having a moment where I’m like, “Are people going to listen to this and think that I’m really angry for no reason?” And maybe, but more importantly, I wish that I didn’t have to be like, “This is why I’m angry.” Instead, I just got to turn my little brain off and enjoy some hot people kissing.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: And sometimes cheating on…

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Their partner with their ex, and sometimes spending a million dollars on a home. And then I don’t know, throwing a weird party in it or something. I don’t know.

Drew: More karaoke.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: Any number of other storylines. And instead, now I have to be mad and I have to be responsible for being mad on this podcast.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: Also one of the things that we talked about a lot, a few years ago, when all that conversation was happening around like lesbians being killed on TV shows at egregious rates or whatever, is that one of the most… Because when we were doing the list, we want to include guest characters who were only there for one episode? Because probably not, because that could be so many procedural stuff like that. But we did include some because there is something so especially egregious about introducing a lesbian character, just to kill her moments later.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Drew: Yes.

Riese: And I think the same, obviously, the same is true for Black characters and that’s exactly what they did here. They introduced him and they killed him three minutes later.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: Yeah.

Riese: That’s so profoundly fucked and I don’t know how they’re going to come back from this.

Drew: Yeah

Analyssa: Yeah. I have to watch Angie be sad next episode?

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: Like I don’t want that.

Riese: No. Why do you think…

Analyssa: I want like a fun… I want like a season finale where people have sex.

Drew: Right.

Analyssa: And like Angie and Jordi hold hands while they go to meet Marcus at the house that he lives in…

Riese: Or to Disneyland.

Analyssa: And then they all get to go to Disneyland, or something.

Riese: She cuts her kidney right out of her body and gives it to him and he swallows it and then he is fine and they all go to fucking Disneyland.

Analyssa: You know, the way kidney transplants work.

Riese: Exactly. That’s how they work.

Drew: Like eating the placenta.

Riese: Exactly. Yes.

Analyssa: The end of this montage is that Sophie comes to get Finley. Is there a conversation in this? I didn’t take notes on it.

Drew: I don’t know. I think it…

Riese: Are Gigi and Dani still standing there like, “Who is this?”

Drew: I say, Sophie goes to Dani’s. My last note under that is “WTF. Why?” So I don’t know what prompted that. I don’t know if she says anything.

Analyssa: They’re all looking at Finley like, “Oh no.”

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: And again, we’ve never seen them have to do this. We’ve always seen her wake up in a strange place, which is scary, and again, not a sign that things are going well for her, but…

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: It’s never… I’m not trying to make a value judgment on Finley’s alcoholism or on anyone’s alcoholism. But Finley has never actually appeared to be a burden to anyone in her life because of her drinking. She’s harming herself and she’s sometimes harming other people, like Rebecca or whatever. I’ve never seen her do this to her friends. I’ve never seen her friends be concerned about her. I’ve only ever see them be like, “Fuck yeah, let’s keep drinking, Finley. Let’s go out. Let’s do more stuff.”

Riese: Bro night!

Analyssa: And for them all to be looking at her with this —

Riese: Pity and disgust.

Analyssa: Pity and disappointment and disgust is what I was trying to poke out with the Sophie conversation. Like where they got into a fight and she’s like, “Your light goes out,” all that stuff. Where is that coming from? Cause I haven’t seen any of it. I genuinely believe that loving people who have alcoholism is hard.

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: I believe that.

Riese: Yes.

Analyssa: I agree.

Riese: Yes. Having loved people who have alcoholism. I agree. It is hard.

Analyssa: I think it would be hard to love Finley as she is and as we’ve seen her.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: I think they’re drawing a parallel here that they’ve always felt like they do in this episode, while they’re staring at her like this and I don’t understand how or why.

Drew: Yeah.

Riese: There’s so many small, easy things too, like that could have… She could have just fallen asleep on the bus and had all her stuff stolen.

Analyssa: Right.

Riese: Common.

Analyssa: Anything. Yeah.

Riese: What is she doing at Dani’s? So was it just so she could be like, “your apartment is nice” or I don’t, I think there’s supposed to be some… Sophie was supposed to be embarrassed.

Drew: Yeah. Probably.

Riese: So that Sophie be… Or did they want Sophie to be mad for embarrassing her in some way?

Analyssa: Maybe. There is also something with Finley and Dani. Finley thinks that Dani is the person she should be aspiring to be.

Drew: Doing this whole thing. Yeah.

Riese: Which also doesn’t make sense because Sophie told her otherwise and usually Finley pretty much believes whatever people tell her.

Drew: Yeah. And they’re also just extremely different people.

Riese: The only nice thing was that — it was that I think at least in this episode they made it clear that Sophie really cares about Finley and did seem to regret everything, which I think is more consistent of her character. That she would be preoccupied by it. But other than that, I was like, “This is not an improvement on last week.” I was really like, “Is she not on the cast for this episode?”

Analyssa: I really thought she wasn’t going to be there.

Drew: Yeah.

Analyssa: That’s the episode.

Drew: That’s the episode. Okay. Well…

Riese: Honestly, all I want to do is start a podcast called Finley and Sophie, where I talk about all of my feelings about this storyline.

Analyssa: Oh, I thought you were going to say like where I write fanfic and read it.

Riese: Oh no.

Analyssa: Wouldn’t it be nice if every week me, you and Drew got together and we sat in this living room, like we are now. You in this tall chair and us on the floor and you had notes. And you read us a bedtime story, which was like, “This week on The L Word: Generation Q…”

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: “Sophie and Finley went to Huntington Gardens and they walked around and Finley played soccer with a little boy, because she loves playing soccer.”

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: “And then Sophie got a call from Alice that she’s getting promoted, and look at that.”

Riese: Right.

Analyssa: “Everything’s fun and happy.”

Drew: I would like to clarify that it is possible to have high drama, lots of conflict and it isn’t this type of shitty, over the top conflict.

Riese: Right.

Drew: As much as I would love for Riese’s fanfic to be…

Analyssa: But Riese is reading me bedtime stories.

Drew: I know. I just want to say that The L Word… I feel like that’s how The L Word writers think: “Well, it’s either this or it’s this.” And it’s like, no, there’s a whole world of conflict.

Riese: Right. It’s just, it’s season two. How hard is it to still have ideas?

Drew: I know. And you have a million characters. You have to give three minutes to each character every episode. Come on.

Riese: Right. And I know they were restricted by COVID, in terms of what they could do. But also I feel like they did a great job of that because they were setting up these inter group romances that were really fun for us. And then they just fucking blew it.

Analyssa: There could constantly be conflict. I would think that this show was a vast improvement over the episodes we’ve seen, the last two, if they just sat all of them at the poker table again and had everybody kind of snark at each other, I’d be like, “Sick. Let’s go”

Drew: Great, great.

Analyssa: That’s great.

Drew: Yeah. Well that wasn’t great. So maybe…

Analyssa: I wasn’t as demoralized after this one, as I was after the first one.

Drew: I was more prepared.

Analyssa: I was mad about the Finley storyline. Much more than I had been, but I wasn’t as much like, “What the fuck is going on?”

Drew: Yeah. It’s more competently written.

Riese: Yeah, it was definitely better than last week. But also we also knew, because Lauren had already said that she hated it. So I was already prepared a little bit for that.

Drew: That’s true. I have no idea what to expect next week, but we’ll be here.

Riese: I’m dreading it. I’m not dreading it, but I’m not excited. Because the way every — the direction that everything is going in is a direction that I don’t care for.

Analyssa: Right. Yeah.

Drew: A real shame.

Analyssa: What if everyone had chaperoned Jordi and Angie’s prom?

Riese: That would’ve been a fun little bottle episode.

Analyssa: And I don’t know, Sophie had to do it because she had to do a favor for Alice, or something.

Riese: Yeah.

Analyssa: And you could even still have Finley trying really hard not to drink at prom. Sneaking into the bathroom…

Riese: Yeah. And it’s like, “Now you’re drinking with 12-year-old boys. You have a problem.”

Analyssa: There’s something to talk about.

Drew: That sounds like a much better…

Analyssa: Alice has to decide if she should bring Tom or not.

Riese: Yeah.

Drew: Wow.

Riese: Remember when Alice was like, it’s weird to just bring a guy into this and it was like, I have an idea. Bring him.

Analyssa: Let’s see what that looks like.

Lauren: Thank you so much for listening to this episode of To L and Back Generation Q! One of two podcasts brought to you by Autostraddle.com. You can follow us on Instagram and Twitter @tolandback. You can also email us at tolandbackcast@gmail.com. Don’t forget, we also have a hotline! Yes, it still exists! Give us a call, leave us a message, or just give us a piece of your mind! You can reach us at 971-217-6130! We also have merch! Head over to store.autostraddle.com. There are “Bette Porter For President” t-shirts, there are To L and Back stickers, and lots of other simply iconic Autostraddle merchandise. Our theme song is by the talented Be Steadwell. Our brand new To L and Back: Generation Q logo is by the incredible Jacqi Ko! Jacqi is so, so talented and you should definitely go check out her work, I’ve linked her website and socials in the show notes! And definitely let us know if you want us to make stickers of the new logo, because I think those would look pretty sick! This episode was produced, edited and mixed by me, Lauren Klein, you can find me on Instagram @laurentaylorklein and on Twitter @ltklein. You can follow Drew everywhere @draw_gregory. That’s “Drew” in the present tense. You can follow Analyssa on Instragram @analocaa, with two As, and on Twitter @analoca_, with one A and an underscore. And you can follow our in-house L Word savant and living legend, Riese Bernard, everywhere @autowin. Autostraddle is @autostraddle. And of course, the reason we are all here…. Autostraddle.com. Okay. So sticking with the trend of last week with our now full-of-intention L words, we are going to end this episode with an L word that describes what we thought of this episode. So Drew, Riese, Analyssa, what are your L words?

Drew: Mine is lethargic because watching bad television makes me feel lethargic. I’m just so tired. I’m just so tired.

Analyssa: I have a good one.

Riese: Yeah?

Analyssa: Mine is lip lock, because I would like to see more kissing.

Riese: Yeah, there was no sex scene in this episode.

Analyssa: I don’t think anybody put their mouths on each other.

Drew: In what context could they have had sex that wouldn’t make me miserable? Well, Shane and Tess had a little bit of kissing, but they’re the only couple who can have sex right now that wouldn’t make me feel a little bit gross. Well, I guess, Bette and Pippa, but they’re not… Are they even a couple still or is it going to be Bette and Tina forever? Oh, okay. So what’s your… Do you want to say lactose intolerant?

Riese: We really lost Drew on that one. Yeah. My L word this week is lactose intolerant, because I think that’s what Finley was suffering from at the end of the episode. Everyone was like, oh you’re drunk. And it’s like, I don’t know. Maybe she had milk.

Drew: I think you’ve put about as much thought into your L-Words this season as the writers have put into the show.

Riese: Thank you. And I want the writers of the show to know that I would put more effort into it if I was hired to work for your show.

Analyssa: Finley’s either suffering from lactose intolerance or that disease on SpongeBob, where everyone gets the suds.

Drew: I would like to say also that I’m critiquing the show, not any individual people. See you later!

Riese: Bye guys, have a nice day!