So You Want To Dress for Fall
Welcome back to “So You Want To…” the series wherein I give you outfits and *~*lewks~*~ for things like: time of year, a random event, a vibe, an energy!
This month we are diving back into regular ol fashion writing, and getting prepped for the greatest season, Fall!* While I might be adjacent to a fashion expert, I am absolutely a fall expert. I grew up in the Hudson Valley and thus I have reclaimed the right to act incredibly basic about fall, as my teenage years were spent selling pumpkins and apples to what we referred to as “the city people.” For years, I resisted the glee that driving down a mountain road on the first day the leaves change evoked, but no more! Let’s get wrapped up in a cozy sweater and munch on an apple (no Red Delicious, please) because we are talking Fall Fashion, baby!
Now, I don’t particularly believe in following trends per se — my general fashion ethos is if you know what makes you feel good, you should wear that thing. Still, I do think it’s helpful to be aware of what kind of trends are out there, if only so you are not perplexed at the offerings available to you. Plus, it can be fun to take note of a trend and mix into your wardrobe in a way that works for your style! I’ve gathered a combination of basic pieces that any fall wardrobe would need and some things that are more trend forward. As always, I encourage you to take what you like, and leave the rest! That might mean a color from one item, a print from another. At the end of the day, fashion is about what makes you feel like you!
*When I say “Fall” — I do mean East Coast Fall, I am biased and I apologize, I just have no idea how those on the West Coast do it, tbh.
Outerwear
Left to Right: Melton Bomber Jacket, BooHooman ($43.20) // Faux Leather Moto Jacket, Eloquii ($149.95) // Plaid Shacket Coat, Eloquii ($169.95) // Checkerboard Coat, Eloquii ($184.95)
As a woman who has been known to describe herself as a “coatsexual,” it was incredibly challenging for me to not select upwards of twenty coats and jackets here.
Consider, if you will, the classic varsity jacket. You can pair it with anything! You can femme it up (with say, a school girl skirt and platform boot?) or you can can butch it up (relaxed fit jeans and a white tee?), it’s casual and stylish, I love it. Next, we all know the moto jacket is never going to go out of style, not if we gays have anything to say about it. And since you likely already have a black one, why not try a faux leather in a bold color this year? Bright, saturated colors are happening in a big way right now, and this could be the perfect way to try out! Pair it with all black everything if it feels a little too bold, or toss it over the tan jumpsuit I’ve got down below.
For our next coat-testant, you might be saying “wow, plaid in the fall? How original.” And to that I say, you know, fair enough, but this classic happens every season for a reason! It’s giving academia, it’s giving English countryside, it’s giving effortless and chic. Over a cuffed jean and some Docs? Simply gorgina. Our final jacket is another opportunity to lean into one of the trends I saw all over the place researching for this, statement prints! You could even slide a bright turtleneck underneath and really go for it, if you dare. Or let the checkerboard do the talking, the choice is yours!
Pants
Left to Right: Pleated Palazzo Pant, Eloquii ($99.95) // Carrie High Rise Wide Leg Jeans, Universal Standard ($118) // High Rise Distressed Baggy Jeans, Target ($25) // Colorblock Bike Short, Eloquii ($39.95)
This season, the bottoms are going to be big and dramatic. (Same.) I would not be doing my due diligence as your gay fashion reporter if I did not report that I did notice a whisper of low rise jeans scattered about, but I was literally not strong enough to make myself include it here. I was a teenager in 2002, I cannot do it again. I hope you will forgive me
Thankfully, the shape that is really popular is an easy, relaxed fit, like the one in those incredible palazzo pants. I love a pair of pants like this because they look like you are doing a thing, but you feel like you are in sweats. Ideal! Additionally, I firmly believe everyone needs at least one dark wash and one black pair of jeans, thus I have provided you with these two options. And I had to include my personal fall staple, the bike short. I love the feint in the direction of athleticism on this pair, simply toss on an old hoodie and live out your Princess Diana fantasies!
Dresses and Jumpsuits
Left to Right: Betterterry Hoodie Sweatshirt Dress, Madewell ($98) // Wide Leg Square Neck Jumpsuit, Eloquii ($139.95) // A-Line Dress With Puff Sleeves, Eloquii ($99.95) // Kate Stretch Cotton Twill Jumpsuit, Universal Standard ($185)
Neutrals are always in for fall, and this year is no exception. Muted pinks, olive greens, rusty oranges and tans are the ones that leapt out to me as I was rounding up items for this piece. If you aren’t ready for a return to any kind of “hard clothing,” you should one hundred percent slip into this hoodie dress. Honestly, add a platform or heeled boot and blazer to this and it’s suddenly dressy in a very cool, blase way.
Now, how about some fun prints? Florals, despite what you may have heard, are not just for spring! Fold in some darker ones, like on this very hot square necked jumpsuit and let me tell you, you will be turning heads in a big way. I also noticed an uptick in stripes, especially pieces that incorporate vertical and horizontal ones, as you see on the A-line dress from above. Also, note those bell sleeves and remember wayyyy back in the month when I talked about the 70s resurgence? It is still happening!
Finally, you cannot go wrong with a neutral jumpsuit in a slightly thicker fabric for the cooler months, you can dress it up, you can dress it down, you can go everywhere or nowhere in it!
Sweaters
Left to Right: Striped Bowden Henley Sweater, Madewell *Editor’s Note — this item is no longer available, here is a similar item MWL Betterterry Henley, Madewell ($68) // Aelfric Eden Sweater, Amazon ($25.99) // Daisy Gender Inclusive Sweater Vest, Nordstrom ($45) // Renee Raglan Turtleneck, Universal Standard ($88)
Put your hands together for the glorious return of the sweater! Perhaps it is just the fact that I am deeply into dressing like a field hockey coach these days, but I am loving this preppy Dad sweater from Madewell. And speaking of Dads, one of the best and most amusing trends I clocked in my research was that so many of the sweaters had the energy of like… Neil from The Santa Claus? See also this sweater vest that has the same energy signature? It’s very gay and I very much like it. For a must have basic, get yourself a black turtleneck, I promise you won’t regret it.
Shoes
Left to Right: DR. MARTENS 1460 Boot, Nordstrom ($150) // Emme Lace-Up Shoe, Nordstrom Rack ($39.97) // Newburg Leather Ankle Booties, Bluefly ($118.99) // Reebok Women’s Club C Sneaker, Amazon ($75)
Perhaps because we’ve got so much happening everywhere else — print and texture and fabrics, oh my — I purposefully went lowkey for the shoes. Here are some fall time classics, with a few updates. First of all, it’s fall, we’re all gay, here is a classic pair of Docs. What more is there to say? Next, a slightly dressy slide with a decent platform, because I am telling you now you will not be able to outrun the platform trend. It’s here to stay! For the Mommis out there, I am including this perfect Chelsea boot, one with a more slimmed down silhouette from the heavier styles of previous years. For a sneaker option, try a classic Reebok like this one, it’s retro, comfortable and will pair beautifully with your Princess Diana cosplay!
Until next month, my loves!!
A Lazy Femme Guide To Staying Cute With Minimal Effort
I change up my signature look about once a decade.
In my teens, I took the dramatic step of lobbing off my long hair for a bisexual bob and I didn’t leave the house without foundation and a swipe of subtle brown eyeliner. During my senior year of college, I converted to a stacked inverted bob that was very short in the back and my standard makeup look was shimmery white and purple eyeshadows and navy blue eyeliner all around my eyes. In my early 30’s, I kept the bob-length hair on top and got an undercut all the way around my head and I switched to a dramatic cat eye with black gel liner with red, red lipstick. In these pandemic times, I’m currently working on an undercut grow-out and my pandemic makeup look is centered on a bold lip and fast-and-easy products that look good enough for Zoom.
I’ve been some version of femme for as long as I remember, whether I called it “just being a typical feminine 90’s teen girl a la Seventeen magazine inspiration” or my queer power femme era in college or my current hard femme, lazy femme aesthetic. These days, the faster I can get through my routine, the better. I’m working full-time. I’m chasing a small kid around. I’m generally doing too many things at once and I’m probably carrying my phone in my hand in some poorly executed attempt to multitask. And I like to look cute doing it–not just for Zoom, for myself! And I like to be pampered, but with limited time, I’m all about products and routines that work with my busy schedule. I’m obviously not lazy, but if lazy femme is the antithesis to high femme, I’m very much that.
Here are some of my favorite daily products and must-haves that help me get through a busy day, affirm my hard femme heart, and fit easily into my super-charged lazy femme lifestyle.
Ultra Aesthetics MSM Facial Wash
This face wash! It smells great, a light citrusy-ish scent. It foams up and deep cleans, but is gentle enough for daily use. It’s super hippy-dippy. I originally found it at a natural food store. It has no sulfates, parabens, alcohol, chemicals, is cruelty-free, non-GMO, made with organic pixie dust, etc. This works great for my combination skin and keeps acne at bay. I swear it makes my skin look brighter and slightly diminishes acne scars, too. You also only need a bit per use. One bottle lasts me about 150 days of twice-daily use. I’ve been using this face wash or some version of it for over a decade! It’s tried and true.
SeoulCeuticals Snail Repair Cream
I’m not saying this cream is going to change your life, but I’m not not saying that either. This cream works wonders on my combination skin. It’s not greasy, it absorbs quickly, and it leaves your skin looking plump and fresh with a little hint of glow. I can’t get over it and while it’s a bit of a splurge, it delivers high-end K-beauty results at an accessible price point. I was using a face cream that was twice as expensive before I found this one! You also don’t need to use a lot so one 2 oz jar lasts a long time. It’s the perfect day cream and I can’t get over how good it feels on my skin!
Yes, snail mucin is a main ingredient and I’m a believer! It supposedly helps with wrinkles and fine lines, improves cell renewal, and stimulates collagen production. I dunno if all of that is true but my face looks amazing. Seriously, I get compliments on my skin all the time and (to my chagrin) people regularly assume I’m in my twenties (so annoying), not close to 40. SeoulCeuticals is based in the U.S. and uses cruelty-free practices to source their snail mucin, according to their website. They also say all their products are vegan and as a former vegan, I feel like the snail mucin part makes it not vegan. But either way, it’s good for your skin and it isn’t harvested in a way that hurts the snails.
stila Stay All Day Waterproof Liquid Eyeliner
When it comes to wearing eyeliner, I’m definitely a go big or go home kind of gal. If you’re not going to have fun with it, why do it? Do you want a super dramatic cat eye? You need liquid or gel liner.
Stila makes the absolute best waterproof liquid liner in a marker on the market. I used to mess around with gel liner in the little pots, but I don’t have time for that anymore. I want the precision and the intense black that gel gives with the time-saving factor of a felt-tip liquid liner, and this stila liner doesn’t disappoint. It comes in two tip sizes, regular and microtip, and you can get it in a dual-ended version that has both tips for a slightly higher price point. It comes in six classic liner shades; I’m partial to jet black. It dries matte with just a hint of sheen and it really does stay on all day. This isn’t the most waterproof liner out there, but it resists melting due to sweat, rain, tears, etc. It even stays put if you put it on without any base. That said, it comes off fairly easily with regular soap and water or if you rub it hard with water, which I actually prefer. I don’t like messing around with eye makeup remover. I don’t appreciate extra steps in my nighttime routine!
NYX Professional Makeup HD Studio Finishing Loose Translucent Powder
I don’t wear foundation. I hate the way it feels on my skin and you can’t convince me otherwise. So I don’t use this “finishing powder” as finishing powder, I use it as my base over my lotion. I use a teeny amount, applied with a very fluffy brush. Sometimes I just do a sweep of this powder over my eyes to lay down a base for my eye makeup. I have no idea how it performs as a finishing powder, but it’s perfectly translucent and light as a base for my very lazy femme typical makeup look (this powder, a little eyeshadow, cat eyeliner, lightly fill in brows with a pencil, liquid lipstick, DONE). It’s not the most luxurious ever. It smells a little like… well, like loose powder smells if you don’t add any fragrance to it. But it works. And that works for me!
Natural Tea Tree Oil
Friend, I ask you, what can’t tea tree oil do? I have hidradenitis suppurativa and found my way to tea tree oil as a homeopathic remedy for my flare-ups. It’s naturally antimicrobial, anti-inflammatory, and anti-fungal. I use it almost daily for just general refreshing of my skin and to treat any breakouts or blemishes. Fuck salicylic acid. Try tea tree oil. Dilute it with water and use as it a toner. Mix it with a carrier like coconut oil and use it as a salve. Dilute some and use it to freshen up your stinky bits after the gym or on days when you can’t shower. It’s naturally good at killing bacteria! It has a fresh herbal smell! You can even make your own deodorant out of it. I will not be making my own deodorant because I’m busy and lazy, but I use a deodorant that someone else has made in a factory that has tea tree oil as the main ingredient!
That said, your mileage may vary. It can irritate more sensitive skin because it’s very potent. Waffle, my spouse, actually hates the smell and it has been known to cause occasional marital disputes when I use a lot of it. I will never give up my tea tree oil, though. It’s a must-have!
Sinful Colors Sinful Shine with Gel Tech Nail Polish
When it comes to nail polish, I’m too busy to go get my nails done and I work from home so it just seems excessive to go out and do it. But I love fun colors! A theme in my life, truly. And I’m a parent, so I’m hard on my nails between baths and dishes and constantly cleaning things up. I’ve tried a whole range of home gel polishes because I love a shiny topcoat and long wear, but I don’t want or have time for an actual gel manicure. This is my current favorite home gel polish. It’s not a true gel. It doesn’t require UV light. It stays on for an absurdly long time, requires just two coats of the step 1 polish plus one coat of step 2 topcoat, and dries super fast. The quick dry time is sooooo important to me! It dries so fast that I use it when my wiggly kid wants me to paint her nails. It lasts for several days without chipping and then wears fairly slowly. You remove it with regular nail polish remover and don’t need to soak or scrape.
The Gel Tech polish from this drug store brand is particularly good. I pick some up whenever I see it at the grocery store! The topcoat is fast drying, which also means it starts to get tacky and dried out when you’re about halfway through the bottle, but it’s so inexpensive that it’s not a problem. Plus, I rarely leave my house these days, so if I have some bubbles in my topcoat, who’s going to know?
Kiss imPRESS Press-On Nails
When I don’t have the time or patience to even paint my nails with a quick-dry topcoat, or when I’ve fallen into my old habit of biting my nails, enter drug store press-on nails. Kiss imPress is my current favorite and I have a box floating around most of the time. Their patented Super Hold Adhesive is really just super sticky gooey rubber cement-like glue stuff, but it works and it’s already on the nail so you just have to peel and stick onto your natural nail! I can wear these for a few days without losing them, even while doing the dishes or taking a shower.
I looooove that they come in a short length and I sometimes cut them down even shorter. One box will usually get me through two full manicures because they come with 30 nails. Your ability to use up the extra nails may vary based on how many of the included sizes work for you. They look real, in my opinion, and I love how easy they are to put on and maintain!
Sephora Cream Lip Stain Liquid Lipstick
“01 Always Red.”
That’s what I tell people when they want to know what lipstick I’m wearing. This shade and this liquid matte lipstick is the one I wear most often. It’s a perfectly balanced red that looks good on any shade of skin. I love Sephora’s lip stain, in particular. It’s not completely smudge-proof, but it also isn’t drying or uncomfortable. In fact, my lips don’t dry out even if I wear the lip stain all day and reapply it. For a non-drying lip stain, it stays on well. It doesn’t bleed or feather. I have this lip stain in about a dozen bright matte colors and am always adding more. The metallics are beautiful, too!
Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink Liquid Lipstick
Want a lipstick that really is mask-proof? That won’t come off no matter what you do until you either scrub your lips raw or use a strong makeup remover? This isn’t a lazy femme option for me, it’s an affordable mask-proof option and I reach for it on the odd occasion that I go out. No other liquid lipstick stays like this one, no matter the price point. You could go swimming in this lipstick and it wouldn’t budge. There are so many pretty, saturated matte colors to collect. In fact, I need more!
I DEW CARE Space Kitten Exfoliating Galactic Black Peel Off Mask
THIS MASK HAS HOLOGRAPHIC GLITTER. I love the emotional release of a good peel-off mask. I also love putting on a mask because I can slap it on quickly, go about my business getting myself and my kid ready for the day, and multitask easily while it dries. I got this one originally as a sample with a bunch of other I DEW CARE masks. It’s worth buying the full size! It has charcoal, which helps draw impurities out of your skin and clear blackheads and clogged pores. It’s a peel-off, but it doesn’t hurt or pull your skin too much. I’ve tried (and actually like to use, occasionally, because I’m a beauty masochist) the super-strong charcoal peel-off masks that leave your face gutted. This one gets some gunk out, but isn’t painful or damaging to your skin. Plus, also, did I mention the holographic glitter?!
If charcoal is too drying for you and you’re looking for a moisturizing mask instead or you want to look like a queer intergalactic space traveler, try the I DEW CARE Sugar Kitten mask. They both feel and smell great and are so much fun!
Sunday Riley A+ High-Dose Retinol Serum
I got a sample size of this when I did a brief subscription to Sephora’s Play subscription box. This serum was a real standout and they recommend using two pumps on the label, but I only need a little pump to cover my face, so this investment bottle lasts a long time. I like to rub it in at night after I wash my face once or twice per week. It’s silky, lightly pigmented, and absorbs quickly and it leaves my skin totally refreshed and glowing in the morning. Sometimes I put my SeoulCeuticals snail repair cream on top and sometimes I just go to bed with this retinol serum. It has a high dose of retinol and blue-green algae, Hawaiian white honey, cactus, and ginger, and other things that soothe the skin. I’m obsessed!
Dr. Dennis Gross Skincare Alpha Beta Extra Strength Daily Peel
I’m saving the most controversial and luxurious for last. Now, I want to be clear that I welcome getting older. I love the wisdom and lack of fucks that come with each passing year. I love my silvery grey hair. I can’t wait to turn 40! All that said, I also love this at-home chemical peel system! It blasts any fun adult acne. It helps me control the blackheads I get on my nose and shrink those pores. It just makes my skin look and feel healthy and I can’t recommend it enough. This is a two-part system. The chemical peel solution comes in little individually packaged sets of wipes. You use the first wipe, let it sit for one minute, then use the second wipe. I use the extra strength daily peel, but they make less strong versions for more sensitive skin.
I like the sensation of the peel–it stings a little at first. It’s first-rate beauty masochism with almost immediately visible results. It really hits all the buttons for me, personally! If that sounds like an unpleasant experience for you, I think you should probably pass on this one. The results are great, but not so dramatic that it’s worth being uncomfortable. If you’ve been thinking of trying an at-home chemical peel or if you like a slight burning sensation that feels very productive on your face, this is the one to get! It’s a huge splurge; some people cut up the pads and put them in ziplock bags, using only half pads to get two treatments out of each peel set. I do it every few days instead of every day, which makes the investment last longer!
Buy it: $88 (You can try a travel size for $17)
Let me know if you try any of these or have any of your own recommendations for my lazy femme lifestyle! I love trying new products, especially beauty products that give good results and don’t take too much time or effort!
So You Want To Go To Work
Welcome back to “So You Want To…” the series wherein I provide you with outfits and inspiration based on specific vibes, energies, and events!
One of the most popular requests I have gotten for this column is “What do I wear to work?” And I get it! You have to get dressed for work, and the kinds of clothes that are typically deemed “workplace appropriate” are absolutely racist, classist, ableist, transphobic, homophobic and sexist. Not to mention, no two workplaces are the same! Some are much more conservative than others, some pretend to be pretty chill but actually aren’t, some are actually kind of chill. Not to mention that there are a ton of people for whom “work” does not mean an office. Only you know what is accepted in your line of work, I am just your friendly neighborhood columnist! I focused on giving you staples here, pieces that can work as a base for you to layer on your own vibe, and adjust for your own work place as necessary. Because these are basic pieces, describing them… well, it was kind of boring. But I have a solution for that!
I brought our Main Characters back for a special work themed follow up! Everyone’s a little dressier this round, and I cannot stress enough how much I encourage mixing up these items! Maybe you’re a little bit of a Bad Boy with a Heart of Gold and a little The Mysterious Neighbor Who is Obviously a Witch! Wilder things have happened! Now go forth, dress and enjoy!
Widow with a Shocking Secret
Left to Right: Britton Buckled Booties, Macy’s ($175) // Cotton Joggers, Gap ($55 on sale) // Pleated Popover Top, Gap ($49.99) // Linen-Blend V-Neck Cami Jumspsuit, Old Navy ($39.99)
The kids are back in school three days a week, and it is a lifesaver. You would do anything for them (you’d done so much already) but when the door shuts, the blissful silence that follows is like slipping into a warm bath. Two hours till you have to get on a call with your boss, and they’re all yours.
You decide to take your coffee out on the back deck. After the last year, you’ll take any chance you can get to soak up some sun. And if you happen to know that she also takes her coffee outside after the kids leave? Well. That’s barely a factor.
The sun is glimmering on the tasteful lowlights she gets on Thursday mornings while her twins are at swim practice. You pretend you don’t notice and sip your coffee, enjoying the warm air on your skin. Force of habit makes you start running through your to-do list for the day — ever since your office went remote it feels like you’re never working and always working at the same time. As if there aren’t other things you should be worrying about (like that gun under the floorboards in the attic).
Her voice startles you out of your thoughts, you realize she’s saying your name. You chuckle ruefully. “Do you ever find yourself totally zoning out?” You ask, turning to look at her. “Just…here one minute and gone the next?”
“All the time.” Her eyes track thoughtfully down your body. “Do you have time for a cup?” She gestures with her mug, as if to say that’s all, really. You don’t believe her.
“As luck would have it,” you say, meeting her curious gaze. “I do.”
Bad Boy With A Heart of Gold
Left to Right: Bistro Graphic Clog, Crocs ($49.99) // Go-Dry Cool Odor-Control Core Tank Top, Old Navy ($10) // Tapered Smart Pants in Gray Linen Stripe, ASOS ($43) // Vintage Crew-Neck Sweatshirt, Old Navy ($29.99)
The espresso machine has been displaying a “service error” warning for at least three weeks, but it’s been working fine, so you wipe it down before glancing out over the counter. This is your favorite time of day, the twenty minutes before the cafe opens, when it’s just you and whatever music you’ve decided to wake up with. This morning is Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young (it’s cheesy, but it reminds you of your dad). You sing along under your breath as the grill heats up.
Think about how many times I have fallen // Spirits are using me, larger voices calling…
The hairs on the back of your neck prickle. Someone is singing along behind you. It’s her. Again. Of course. Her hair is out today, a halo of dark brown curls surround her face. She looks perfect.
You frown. “We’re not open for another fifteen minutes.” You’re aiming for stern but land closer to flustered.
Dark brown skin wrinkles over her nose as she takes a moment to think. “You should have special hours for knights in shining armor who save grumpy tough boys stranded on the side of the road.”
She doesn’t find you intimidating, you don’t know why you keep trying. You sigh. “Fine. Grill isn’t hot yet, so you’ll have to wait for food.” You turn to the espresso machine and pull a double shot, adding the tiniest bit of caramel syrup to a cup of ice, along with a good amount of oat milk.
When you set the drink in front of her, she grins; full lips stretching over even, white teeth. “You remembered my order.”
A traitorous blush starts along your cheekbones. “I guess. Force of habit — whatever.” It’s not. You have a terrible memory.
She takes a long, slow sip, still smiling. “If you say so.”
Recently Divorced Contractor Raising Their Three Kids On Their Own
Left to Right: Tapered Smart Pants in Wool Mix Check, ASOS ($50) // Jersey Harrington Jacket in Khaki, ASOS ($29) // Satin Muscle Shirt in Black Jacquard, ASOS ($37) // Men’s Earthkeeper Original 6″ Boot, Macy’s ($150)
You don’t have to go into the office that often, thank god. You have been running the firm with Jordan for years. She handles the paperwork and the office side, you’re the person on site. So when she asks you to come in every few months and remind the staff that you are actually a part of this company, you might give her a hard time, but you always come through. You’re the steady one. Dependable. Trustworthy. Not the one who kisses a client halfway through a build before your divorce papers are even finalized, that isn’t like you at all.
But you did. Then you panicked and left without saying a word, and now you’re trying to get the boys ready for school with enough time to make the all staff meeting, but you forgot to switch the laundry last night, which meant you had to get Ian dressed without his favorite shirt, a process he was none too thrilled about. You can’t stop thinking about them, about how much you want to do it again.
Luca, your oldest, notices something is up. He is just like you were at his age: focused and intense, dark brown eyes taking in everything around him.
“Dad, you’re being weird.” He says flatly. “The oatmeal doesn’t go in there.”
In your hand is a can of rolled oats you were about to put in the fridge. You chuckle to yourself and tuck them in the panty. “You are absolutely right, little man, good eye.”
“Don’t call me that,” he mutters, heaving himself off the counter stool. “I’m not little anymore.”
It feels, for second, like there is a fist around your heart. Your baby, so grown up at eleven. “I know, I’m sorry. Can you be a big man for me and help get your brothers in the car?”
He grins, and sprints upstairs, yelling for Noah and Jake.
Your phone lights up on the counter. Just reading their name makes your heart race, you hold your breath as you open the text.
“Come over. Please.”
Cool Girl Next Door Who Knows All The Good Parties
Left to Right: Vicar Combat Boot, Nordstrom ($149.90) // That’s My Type Wide Leg Pants, Nordstrom ($55) // Scoop Neck Cami in Satin, ASOS ($29) // 4th & Reckless Satin Trim Blazer, ASOS ($65.25 on sale)
The harsh light of your office is doing nothing to help your pounding headache.You know you are getting too old to go out like you did last night. And honestly, most days you prefer to be in bed before midnight.
Well, most work days, anyway.
But you are quickly discovering you are putty in her hands, and last night, when she leaned in and suggested drinks at your favorite dive, with a smirk tugging across her mouth, were you supposed to say no?
“Someone’s hurting today, huh?” Kendra leans against the wall of your cubicle and laughs, taking you in.
“I’m fine. I just… need to drink this coffee and find my will to live.” Your email pings, reminding you that you have a meeting at ten. It’s 9:52. “Preferably in the next five minutes.”
“Oh, right, you’re in the meeting today. Well, that will be fun. No better way to spend a Tuesday morning than listening to those nightmares from development tell us how to raise money.”
You let out a sigh that sounds a lot like a whimper. “I am never doing that again.”
Kendra’s laugh is too loud, you glare at her as you dig through your desk for your notebook. “Doing what again, going on an excellent date with a hot girl who likes you? Yeah, that sounds awful, definitely don’t do that again.”
“Shut up, you know what I mean.” You can’t find your favorite pen, and if Derek “borrowed” one again, you are gonna lose it. Just because you have adjoining cubes doesn’t mean he can just come in here and take them.
“So it was an excellent date.”
This earns her another glare from you, as you try to ignore the flush creeping up your chest. “I have a meeting.” Finally, you spot a pen under a stack of papers. You have got to do a better job of keeping your desk together.
“Mmmhmm.” Kendra singsongs, waving at an approaching figure down the hall. “Hey Patrick, how are you? Ready for development?”
Your boss smiles back. “As we’ll ever be, I suppose?” he directs the end of his sentence to you.
“Yep.” You chug the rest of your coffee and glower at Kendra while Patrick looks at his watch. “Let’s do this.”
The Mysterious Neighbor Who Is Obviously a Witch
Left to Right: Tresa Wide Leg Tie Pants, Universal Standard ($78 on sale) // Liquorish Tall Satin Blazer, ASOS ($44.80 on sale) // Women’s Cady Evening Booties, Macy’s ($149) // V Neck Button Front Crinkle Cami, ASOS ($23)
She manages not to say anything when you come downstairs dressed for work. She wants to, you can tell by the way her mouth quirks around her cup of coffee. She always thought it was ridiculous, you having a job.
“A witch with your skill and talent, living here, working with… them.” The revulsion in her voice made you shiver. “I’ll never understand it. You know how they would react if they found out, and still you stay?”
It was a fight you’d had countless times, it was the reason she left. She’d never intended to stay, she wasn’t meant to sit still. There was always something, the next town, the next adventure, the promise of another distant horizon. You’d never been able to explain it to her, why being here was enough for you. From the moment you arrived, you knew this was where you needed to be, in the house at the end of the lane, mountains above, river below. It was waiting for you. She didn’t understand — she wouldn’t understand, and she’d left.
You knew she’d come back, in the end.
You cross the kitchen on autopilot, drawn to the rich, fragrant coffee she’d made. The moan that escapes you after the first sip is indecent, she coughs. Suddenly the air in the kitchen feels heavy and alive.
“I won’t be back late,” you say lightly, reaching for your water bottle, needing something to do with your hands. “The term is over on Friday, the children are checked out. I just have some budgets to approve before the fiscal year closes.”
“Midsummer,” she murmurs under her breath.
“Yes, I know very well what day Friday is, thank you.” You hear how peevish you sound and wince. Old patterns, hard to forget.
“It will be then. From the mountaintop and the river, they’ll come.” Her voice is low and toneless, the lights flicker once, then twice. She speaks with the Sight, now. “Do not discount the life you’ve made here. It will save you, in the end. They will come.”
You are kneeling at her side with a glass of water, brushing her hair out of her face when she comes back. “Careful,” you murmur, watching as she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. “I thought the Sight had abandoned you.”
She opens one eye slowly, squints at you. “It has never left me. It goes quiet, sometimes. But now… it is relentless. It brought me here.”
“And it has given us four days to prepare. Will it be enough?”
She laces her fingers with yours, squeezing once. Then she lets go. “It will have to be.”
Spaces & Places: A Roundup of 30 Queer-Owned Houseware Shops
Spaces & Places is a three-week series focusing on the private and community areas we occupy, the ways we personalize them, and the meanings that we assign to them. Organized and edited by Meg Jones Wall.
There are plenty of kickass housewares shops in the world – but isn’t it nice to be able to give our money to queer-owned designers, artists, and creators? Of course it is. Whether you’re in the market for furniture, art, candles, planters, kitchenware, organizers, textiles, or little tchotchkes, the following shops have got you covered.
Below, I’ve linked to freestanding and Etsy shops that are owned by queer people, bursting with fun and unique pieces that you can put in your house and show off to your friends. Some of these I found by scouring the internet, while others were shared by enthusiastic owners and fans on Twitter — and all of them have gorgeous, whimsical, clever, and fun pieces to make your place feel even more like you.
Many of these shops sell a variety of items, making them hard to cleanly categorize, but you can jump straight to individual shops right here:
Otherwild | Minna Goods | Domestic Domestic | Fredericks and Mae | Humboldt House | SewQueerBunting | Suay Sew Shop | Katrina Ward | Sew Gingerly | Junebug & Darlin | Erdos + Ko | A. Miyuki Studio | VibrantVibesBySam | Lockwood | Mud Witch | Queer Candle Co. | Boy Smells | Edgewater Candles | Bijou Candles | Art is Dirty | Ash + Chess | Common Dear | Lovely and Strong | Likely General | Quite Nice | Rainbow Sheep | Rheal | ShopShowAndTell | lightplusink | StudioLeezou
Otherwild
“Otherwild is a queer-identified woman-owned store, design studio and event space located in Los Angeles and online, centering ethics at the core of our business. Otherwild was founded in 2012 within a vast multidisciplinary community of artists and designers, dedicated to showcasing goods made with care by individuals.” Offering art, candles, ceramics, decor, kitchen, housewares, planters, and more, Otherwild has a huge range of thoughtful, well-designed products. I particularly love their collections of ceramics and textiles.
Minna Goods
“MINNA is a tight-knit team of artists, creators, and thinkers based in Hudson, NY. We are a queer led business which informs our approach to just about everything we do. We believe in creating beautiful, ethically made products and using business to do good.” Minna is one of my favorite finds from putting together this roundup — their furniture, blankets, rugs, artwork, art, fabric, and kitchen items are all simple, beautiful, and built to last.
Domestic Domestic
In owner Heather Smith’s words, “I passionately stock my shops with primarily functional goods you are just realizing you always needed. I always believe in quality over quantity and aesthetic over mundane.” Focusing on well-crafted American-made goods, Domestic Domestic stocks candles, wall hangings, kitchenware, textiles, toys, pet supplies, and lots of other thoughtful goodies to help make your house into a home.
Fredericks and Mae
“Fredericks & Mae is helmed by Gabriel Fredericks Cohen and Jolie Mae Signorile. The two met through a shared love of materials. Fredericks & Mae started in the piles of feathers, thread, gold and paper that filled their first studio in 2007.” This playful shop is organized by designer and collection, offering art, ceramics, games, lighting, dishes, and textiles.
Humboldt House
Claire Tibbs runs this Chicago-made feminist goods community shop, offering candles, trays, textiles, art, wall decor, containers, furniture, rugs, and planters. She also runs Peach Fuzz, a colorful shop that emphasizes home goods for children and families.
SewQueerBunting
Owners Jenna & Shep are “a queer couple who live and work in the city of Canterbury. We are passionate about living authentically and celebrating LGBTQ diversity. We are both crafty, in different ways, and have come together to make creations we hope you’ll love!” They offer beautiful bunting, badges, patches, and pins, all utilizing the colors of different queer identity flags.
Suay Sew Shop
“At Suay Sew Shop, we choose to reuse. Old things are always cooler than new, and finding ways to repair, restore and repurpose single-life garments or materials headed for the landfill is the greatest action we can take towards cleaning up our massive textile waste problem.” Utilizing recycled or donated textiles, this shop creates pillows, cushions, napkins, towels, blankets, curtains, placemats, and other fabric-based designs in both bold colors and soothing neutrals.
Katrina Ward
Oklahoma City-based artist Katrina Ward says, “My work is mostly about memory and place, exploring agency and power, death, institutional power, identity, collectivism, cultural memory and belonging, and the land.” Her textile art takes the form of quilts, hot pads, and bandanas.
So Gingerly
“So Gingerly is a scrappy riot of color, form, and function. So much of what I make is designed to make your home and life a little tidier, a little brighter, and a lot more fun.” Queer owner Meaghan creates stockings, quilts, wall hangings, and banners from brightly-colored fabrics and textiles.
Junebug & Darlin
“Junebug and Darlin was started to provide friends and fellow crafters with the inspiration and tools to create heirloom quality subversive crafts. Junebug and Darlin is run by Zoe Frost, a queer femme currently living in Portland, OR.” Offering cross stitch kits that include frames for display and hanging, Junebug & Darlin helps clients create their own art pieces that reflect exactly who they are.
Erdos + Ko
“Think functional yet beautiful. That’s the philosophy behind the stunning furniture designs you’ll find from Erdos + Ko, an LGBTQIA+ owned furniture and decor brand based in Dallas, Texas, that should be at the top of your #homegoals vision board.” With gorgeous and modern furniture designs as well as home decor and art, Erdos + Ko also offer custom design services to give clients exactly what they’re looking for, from the living room to the home office.
A. Miyuki Studio
“A. Miyuki Studio was founded by Amelia Miyuki (美雪) Christensen in Brooklyn, New York. Since 2010, we’ve dedicated ourselves to producing thoughtfully designed furniture and housewares. We believe in the continual process of honing skills and production methods to create beautiful and useful objects that, with proper care, will last a lifetime.” This shop is full of gorgeous, hand shaped wooden furniture and housewares, and I’ve already got my eye on this serving board and utensils set.
VibrantVibesBySam
“I’m Sam and I am an artist who enjoys making functional art! I currently live in a renovated camper as an alternative lifestyle and create art. I am indigenous Native American and an Alabama native. I am most inspired by rainbows, nature, and mushrooms!” Sam creates beautiful driftwood jewelry hangers and wall art, as well as plant buds and dreamcatchers.
Lockwood
Owner Mackenzi Farquer says, “In 2013, Lockwood was born…I spend my days sourcing new products, doing paperwork, budgeting, and creating custom New York City items with my team. I love it all. Lockwood is my community, like Astoria—where my wife and I raise three cats and a toddler together—and community drives so much of what I do. It feels like home to me, and I hope it feels that way to you too.” Lockwood has so many fun and beautiful items, including candles, decor, artwork, tabletop pieces, textiles, and games. I particularly love their trays and accents section, brimming with small objects that can really help bring a room together.
Mud Witch
“Using only my hands to turn earth was therapeutic. I spent hours making all sorts of random forms with no intentions. Some are chubby like me and have uneven curves. The earth toned pieces are smooth or ruff, some have freckles, and are all so beautiful in their diversity.” Queer artist and owner Viviana Matsuda creates gorgeous and distinctive mugs, cups, planters, and vases. The shop updates every month so make sure you get on their mailing list for updates, as these pieces sell out quick.
Queer Candle Co.
“We’re Ab (they/them) & Al (she/her), and we’ve been making candles together since 2017. We love getting to build Queer Candle Co. side by side, and make products that we love at the same time.” With gorgeous candles, reed diffusers, and gift sets, Queer Candle Co. combines simple packaging with thoughtful fragrances. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that this Teak & Leather Soy Candle comes back in stock soon.
Boy Smells
“In late 2015, Boy Smells began as an experiment in candle-making in the Los Angeles kitchen of co-founders and real-life partners Matthew Herman and David Kien. Herman and Kien – both fashion veterans who worked in design (Herman) and product development (Kien) – began by making the things they’d want to use on a daily basis, products that were fluid and essential.” Boy Smells makes some of my favorite fragrances, and I keep a Slow Burn magnum in my bedroom at all times. So many of these scents are beautiful, unique, and captivating, and this company sells candle maintenance tools and other fun goodies too.
Edgewater Candles
From owners Mark Towns and Stephen Pearlman: “We’ve always been makers. So when we came across some wax for practically nothing, it seemed like an opportunity to learn a new skill. But with us, hobbies often look more like obsessions. We quickly found ourselves searching for higher quality ingredients and customizing our fragrance offerings. Just a year later, Edgewater Candles could be found in shops and craft fairs across Chicagoland.” Offering vibrant jar candles, reed diffusers, wearable fragrances, and travel tins, Edgewater Candles is also going to begin offering candlemaking classes soon.
Bijou Candles
“We’re Alaina & Jocelyn. We met many moons ago doing improv comedy and decided to officially say “yes, and” and tie the knot! What we didn’t realize at the time, is that we had a pretty serious problem on our hands – we were both luxury candle hoarders.” This website is dangerous, so be warned — I already have at least eight candles in my shopping cart, including a Stevie Nicks-inspired white sage and neroli candle that I absolutely must own.
Art is Dirty
Owner and artist Sweeney Brown creates “queer ass art” in the form of mugs, bowls, sculptures, linens, and sculptures. I’m a particular fan of this mug, which was made by pressing a hot gay shirt into the clay.
Ash + Chess
“Ash + Chess is a cute stationery company run by queer and trans power couple Ashley Molesso (she/her) and Chess Needham (he/him), based out of Richmond, VA. They create greeting cards and art prints that are bold, retro color palettes and they often use their artwork to make a political statement.” While most of the goodies at this great little shop are cards and stationary, they do have some fantastic prints and wallpaper to help add a pop of color to your space.
Common Dear
From owners Jessi and Kelli: “Common Dear is a queer women-owned cheerful feminist and self empowerment gift shop and lifestyle brand based in Downtown Oklahoma City. Our first brand, OKcollective Candle Co., is a handmade soy candle company where we sell our candles to retailers in over 600 retail shops across the US, Canada, and the UK. Both of our brands are now shoppable under the same roof.” Offering bold, silly, quirky designs that are all from “women-owned, LGBTQIA2S+ owned brands, AAPI-owned, Black-owned, and Latinx-owned brands,” Common Dear sells candles, coasters, planters, trays, pillows, and other decor.
Lovely and Strong
“We are committed to creating a platform for women, LGBTQ+, BIPOC, and other minority artists and designers to share their art and designs with people interested in fostering the creativity of Living Artists.” Queer owners Genea and Abi Cunningham curate mugs, textiles, artwork, bedding, and other home accents that stand out in the best way, the kinds of pieces you could design an entire room around. I personally love this delightful Cthulhu bedspread.
Likely General
“Likely General began in 2013 from a deep desire to grow a multi-functional space connecting artists to the public in an organic, ethical, and approachable way. We are an artist-focused shop, primarily selling the work and expressions of women, marginalized, queer, and non-binary folks first.” I really love the aesthetic and pieces at this shop, which sells ceramics, candles, and artwork in addition to unique decor pieces like these palmistry mugs or this stone-fired burning bowl for incense and flammables. (And if you’re looking for some gorgeous incense to burn in that bowl, check out Black Earth Botanica.)
Quite Nice
From owner Kelly Johnson: “We are a studio and shop making interiors quite nice. Let’s make your space vibrate. Queer owned, based in Oakland, CA.” Quite Nice is a collection of curated vintage pieces, including dishes, housewares, and art pieces.
Rainbow Sheep
“Rainbow Sheep is an LGBTQ+ owned and operated shop whose mission is to nurture a space that offers home goods, apparel, art, and gifts designed by and for LGBTQ+ people. Shopping with us means elevating LGBTQ+ artists and designers while purchasing products that are centered around the LGBTQ+ community.” This fun and colorful shop offers art, textiles, and a variety of home decor pieces, including this beautiful state pride collection of stickers, prints, and pillows.
Rheal
Owner Rheal is based in Oakland, California and creates blankets, sculptures, artwork, dishes, coasters, and candle holders. I particularly love their collection of concrete vessels, perfect for stashing small items and organizing spaces.
ShopShowAndTell
“Show & Tell Concept Shop is a lifestyle brand that celebrates unapologetic style and joyful living through a collection of unique, handcrafted apparel, accessories, and home goods. Each piece represents optimism, care, craft, and love for BIPOC + Queer community. Since 2011, Show & Tell has embodied inclusion, and we strive to delight our diverse community of customers with signature pieces that are as special as they are.” Owner Alyah offers both handmade and vintage pieces, including candles, quilts, and pillows in bold, unapologetic designs.
lightplusink
“My name is Jamila and I’m a fine art photographer from Portland, Oregon. I opened Light+Ink on Etsy in December 2012 and have watched it grow so quickly. I love to tell stories with photography and this shop allows me to share the stories I’ve captured over the years, while living and traveling in the urban wilds that are the Pacific Northwest.” Artist Jamila Clarke sells fine art photography prints capturing scenes, emotions, and stories with beautiful clarity and vision. I’m a particular fan of a piece titled She Waited All Night.
StudioLeezou
“Leezou consists of two queer souls who are lookin’ to bring some LGBTQ+ welcoming-energy into the world. Aspasia and Tiff are a Canadian married couple who spend their days either watching videos about tiny homes or gettin’ crafty with their laser cutter bestie (Leezou Jr.). They also enjoy spending time with their two cats Noodles and Shrimp, playing too many hours of video games, and fighting the patriarchy.” This shop announced a break from sales on the day that this is being published, but I love their pieces so much that I want to share this link anyway. Keep an eye for when they reopen so you can check out their lasercut mirrors, art, and wallhangings.
What shops do you love that are owned by queer folks? Drop links to your favorites in the comments!
11 Places to Buy Merch Supporting Queer and Trans BIPOC People Instead of Corporate Greed
I don’t know about ya’ll, but the corporate Pride marketing push feels especially bad this year. Please don’t try to entice me into yet another “love is love” t-shirt right now. We don’t need more love; we need an investment in our collective liberation! That said, I hate Capitalism and love shopping, so if you’re also tempted to do some Pride retail therapy, but exhausted with the options popping up in your sponsored ads, I’ve got some fresh shops for you! Shop these Pride collections supporting BIPOC people and organizations, making ethical and fabulous creations for you, and not putting any money into the pockets of white-cishet-corporate-moguls-who-sign-off-on-caring-about-LGBTQ-people-once-a-year.
Automic Gold
Radically inclusive, trans- and queer-owned Automic Gold makes statement pieces that you can adorn yourself with during June or any other month. They make gold jewelry for all genders and styles and they’re the only fine jewelry company in the world that carries inclusive plus sizing in all their pieces. They do custom work and wedding rings, too!
From Automic Gold
R.I.S.E.: Radical Indigenous Survivance & Empowerment
Two-spirit artist, Demian Dineyazhi’s shop is full of tees, stickers, hats, zines, mugs and more with messages of pride, survival, sovereignty, and revolution.
All images from Etsy store for R.I.S.E. / DemianDineyazhi
Awe Inspired x Marsha P Johnson Institute x Indya Moore
Awe Inspired x Marsha P Johnson Institute x Indya Moore have partnered to release the Marsha P Johnson Goddess Necklace, just in time for Pride. It’s a beautiful fine jewelry piece and I absolutey have to post the video starring Indya More because it’s truly sumptuous. Knowing this video exists, I simply cannot reduce this gorgeousness to a still image. 100% of the proceeds from the Marsha P Johnson Goddess Necklace will be donated to the Marsha P. Johnson Institute to support their vital work defending and protecting the lives of Black trans people.
Annie Elainey
Annie is a queer, disabled content creator and activist focused on accessiblity, media representatioon, mental health, and body image. Check out Annie’s shop if you believe Pride should be accessible to everyone.
Photos from Annie Elainey’s shop.
Teacher Tong / Joe Tong
Canadian creator, Joe Tong makes handmade items like these cute pride stickers! Free shipping to the US is now available.
Extra Large Pride Stickers available at Tong’s Etsy shop.
Bombas
For every pair of socks purchased from their Pride Collection, Bombas will donate a pair to an organization helping those affected by homelessness in the LGBTQ community. Beneficiaries include The Casa Ruby, a Washington DC-based multicultural organization run and led by trans women of color; the Transgender Resource Center of New Mexico; and Mozaic in Columbus, Ohio, which offers community resources to transgender, gender non-conforming, and non-binary BIPOC people.
Pride flag socks from The Bombas Pride Collection.
Suay Sew Shop
Suay Sew Shop is a queer-owned home decor company that creates products from post-consumer waste and deadstock fabric. For Pride month, they’re donating 10% of all pillow sales to support the Seeding Sovereignty Ancestral Acres Farm and Garden, which helps address food scarcity issues and boosts community farm and garden initiatives for Black and Indigenous LGBTQ folks.
Patchwork Linen Throw Pillow from SUAY Sew Shop.
2spiritQueer
Sueitko Zamorano-Chavez creates written and visual works that speak to and bring visibility to the QTBIPOC community. Check out the 2spiritQueer pride collection painted jeans!
Photo from 2spiritQueer’s Etsy shop.
Black Queer Magic
Black Queer Magic NY offers handmade jewelry and workshop facilitation by VBM, LMSW (she/they) to aid in the adornment and reclamation of Black LGBTQ bodies. Check out their gorgeous Black Seer collection!
The Black Seer Above & Below ring by Black Queer Magic.
Mello Bottoms
Is this “merch”? Is it wearable? I’m going to argue, “Yes!” Mello is doing a fun Pride promotion for the month of June where their Mello Bottoms 75mg CBD suppositories come with free Pride-inspired stickers. And they are donating 100% of proceeds during June to For The Gworls, a Black, trans-led collective that raises money to help Black transgender people pay for their rent, gender-affirming surgeries, smaller co-pays for medicines/doctor’s visits, and travel assistance. The suppositories can be used for sexy times and are also recommended for menstrual cramps, IBS, and for general chill vibes.
Image provided by Mello
Stuzo Clothing
Queer-owned, women-owned, Black-owned business, Stuzo Clothing, creates gender-free clothing “designed to invoke thought and emotion” and “inspired by love, people and life. Hats, tops, bottoms, harnesses, candles, they’ve got it all!
Apparel from the Stuzo Clothing shop.
Happy Pride shopping to you (and not to corporations)!
So You Want to Dress Like the Main Character
Welcome back to “So You Want To….” the monthly fashion column where I provide you with clothing options for incredibly specific vibes, aesthetics and events! This month, it’s time to celebrate the Main Character that lives in all of us.
Something about getting back out in the world (safely, and with caveat that we are far from done with COVID) has been cranking up the Main Character energy in my life. Taking public transit again? She’s a main character! Running to CVS? The main character is picking up hair gel, thank you very much! Meeting a friend for a beer? It’s the dang opening scene of a romantic comedy! Is it silly and probably bad for my ego? Yes. Is pretending I am the protagonist in romance novel a fun way to tamp down some of my nerves about being out in the world in general? Also yes!
To help you feel like the Main Character you are, I’ve written the beginning of your story instead of the “this is a good pair of jeans,” descriptions you would typically find in this column. Let the clothes and words take you away, to a place where you are the main attraction — cause babe? You deserve.
Widow With a Shocking Secret
Left to Right: Duna Rhodes Poplin Sleeveless Shirt, French Connection; Printed Crepe Ruffle Jumpsuit, Nordstrom Rack; Carol Bow Blouse, ABLE; Darling Lace Robe, Bloomingdales
“I was just as surprised as anyone, and completely heartbroken, obviously,” you say, wrapping your hands around the steaming mug of coffee offered by your new neighbor.
She’s like the rest of them: gorgeous in an easy, moneyed way that put you on the defensive the moment you sat down in her sumptuous kitchen. You push the envy down. She thinks you are one of them, that’s why you chose this town, that’s why you are doing this.
She looks shocked and sad for you, and beneath it, there is something else — curiosity, a little hum of attraction. You can already imagine the call she’ll make to the other neighborhood wives, and smile tremulously, preparing to lay it on thick. “I’m so looking forward to getting a fresh start. Not for me, but the kids. My heart just breaks for them.” She follows your gaze out the window where your kids are playing with her twins and you see her soften. Perfect.
Bad Boy With a Heart of Gold
Left to Right: Kairo Mixed Media Shirt, HauteButch; Drawstring Jogger in St. Tropez, 7 For All Mankind; Debutante Satin Shawl Vest, HauteButch; Distressed Built-In Flex Gender-Neutral Jean Jacket, Old Navy
It’s the third time the engine on your motorcycle has crapped out this month, and as you come to a shuddering stop, thick raindrops start to fall, hissing on hit sun-warmed pavement. “Of course,” you mutter to yourself, reaching for your cell. “Just my luck.” You know service is spotty out here — that’s the reason you went for a ride tonight, you wanted to get away, needed clear your head.
The sky lights up, and the crack of thunder that follows is so loud you jump without thinking. You’re squinting at your phone when headlights make you look up, and a car slows to a halt. “Need a ride?” a familiar voice asks.
You groan and spin around, and there she is, smirking behind the wheel. You ignore the flutter in your gut. “Not from you.” You grunt. Another peal of thunder echoes through the valley.
“Suit yourself,” She laughs, easy and unbothered. Her laugh feels like it hits you somewhere in your sternum; you feel your cheeks flush in response. Shit.
Recently Divorced Contractor Raising Their Three Kids On Their Own
Left to Right: Linen Boyfriend Shirt, Gap; Knit Jumpsuit, Nordstrom Rack; Rick Icon Rolled Denim Shorts, Nordstrom Rack; harrington jacket with funnel neck in navy, ASOS
The drywall in the kitchen needs to be replaced, and you want to double check that the sump pump can handle the torrential rains that come every spring — but otherwise, the place is in good shape. You let out a quick sigh of relief, and turn to the person beside you with a grin. “You picked a great spot; this place looks great. Just a couple of structural things I’ll need to do before we can focus on the fun stuff.” God, you missed this — the smell of wood, the feeling of concrete under your boots. The pleasure and satisfaction of creating something.
Things had been so hectic for you and the boys since the divorce, but you finally figured out a routine that worked for the three of you and getting back to work felt better than you imagined.
They rock on balls of their feet excitedly, with a wide smile that reminds you of honey in the sun. “Excellent,” they breathe — and you can see it, the thrill of making a home, of making a space yours. You ignore the pang of jealousy, pressing it down until you can almost believe you don’t still want this for yourself — someone to come home to, a house you built together.
“Let’s check out the backyard,” you say, forcing a quick smile. “I’ve got some great ideas for a patio.”
Cool Girl Next Door Who Knows All The Good Parties
Left to Right: Yulia Printed Shirt Dress, French Connection; organic cotton high waist tapered leg jeans in stone blue, ASOS; Vintage Supply tie front mesh crop top in trippy checkerboard print, ASOS; Eero Sequin Mini Skirt, French Connection
You’re just setting your makeup when your phone lights up again. You ignore it — your friends have been trolling in the thread all night, getting sillier and sillier as the pregaming drinks set in. You grin at your reflection in the mirror, satisfied by your razor sharp blue eyeliner and glittering cheekbones.
Out of the corner of your eye, you see your phone light up again. You roll your eyes as you collapse onto your bed to catch up on the sixty five texts that have somehow piled up while you’ve been doing your makeup. There, on your lock screen, above the thread (they’re up to seventy now) is a text from her.
You reach for the jar of tequila and soda you’ve been sipping on all night — your roommate is incapable of keeping any glassware in the house that isn’t a reusable jar. She actually texted. will i see u tonight? You take a big gulp of your lukewarm drink and respond before you have to chance to overthink it. Yes.
The Mysterious Neighbor Who Is Obviously a Witch
Left to Right: Nailah Button Down Tunic, Universal Standard; broderie shirt dress in black, ASOS; V-Neck Patterned Kaftan, Nordstrom Rack; Agnese Long Kimono, Agent Provocateur
You’ve been feeling uneasy lately, a kind of uneasy that you can’t chalk up to anything specific — which makes you more unsettled. It’s the way the wind is moving through the trees, the way the river courses silently but furiously, the hush at dusk, too still. Unnatural.
You light a candle and set an intention for focus and for strength, then, somewhat unexpectedly, forgiveness and grace. You aren’t sure where that came from, but it only adds to your growing certainty that something’s out there, waiting. You pour yourself a mug of mulled wine, then with a certainty that surprises you, set out a second mug.
The wind whistles long and hard through the eaves of the old house, then falls silent. The knock on the door doesn’t surprise you, but the woman standing on your threshold does.
“We need to talk,” she says, stepping inside and closing the door before you can get a word out. “Something is happening.” Her movements are steady and sure; she looks at you seriously, dark eyes glittering. Her hair has gotten long, falling halfway down her back in heavy, rippling waves. It was shorter when you loved her.
“I know,” you say. You fill the mug with warmed wine and press it into her hands. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
So You Want to Wear Shorts This Summer
Fret not my friends! I heard your cries*, the clamoring of voices that rose to a din, and I was able to make out one plea above all others, a cry that said: “Christina! Shorts! What of shorts, what do we do about shorts this summer?”
I listened, I meditated**, I did some prayerful reflection***, and now I am here to provide you with an Official Summer 2021 Summer Shorts Guide!
We covered the return of the 90s and the 70s in our last edition, and you can expect to see that trend continuing here! The 90s influence is especially strong in the athletic short space — think Princess Diana and her iconic bike shorts. The 70s vibes are coming in hot with prints and patterns, which I personally am digging!
To the shorts!!
*Comments
**Shopped
***Shopped some more
Classic Denim
Left to Right: Extra High-Waisted Sky Hi Black Button-Fly Jean Shorts:Old Navy ($25) // Mid-Rise Dark-Wash Boyfriend Jean Shorts: Old Navy ($29.99) // The Guadalupe Cutoff: ABLE ($68) // Mid-Rise Secret-Slim Pockets Plus Size Bermuda Jean Shorts: Old Navy ($37)
Imagine my delight when I started perusing shorts for this installment and found that not only are we still leaning into a higher waist, but we are also creating space for a longer inseam! Old Navy is doing some really incredible work, this black high waisted pair is honestly my platonic ideal for a short. For those who want to go a little shorter, I love this cuffed pair, because let’s be honest, cuffs are a crucial queer signifier. Along that vein, we have a classic cut off, which for me is inextricably linked to memories of the public pool when I was a teen? Regardless, I love this pair from ABLE. We are seeing a resurgence of the Bermuda short in a way that I didn’t expect, and… look, I’m not sold on that style for me, but I am not the boss of you! I trust that one of you can pull them off!
Dad Vibes
Left to Right:
Levi’s Youth 501 93 regular denim shorts: ASOS ($64) // Palm Tree Print Jacquard Shorts: Nordstrom Rack ($69.97) // Cargo Jogger Shorts: Old Navy ($27) // Run 7″ Printed Shorts: Nordstrom Rack ($24.97)
Ahhh, no time better than the summer months to really lean into that Dad Energy! A classic black denim is the perfect starter short for anyone who wants to rock that Dad vibe. If you want to level up and go for the crew + sock sneaker combo, trust me when I say Dads and Dad types everywhere will approve. You know what else Dads love? A printed short, and tbquieth, this Palm Tree print fairly screams “Yeah, I’m grilling right now, what of it?” This next pair might feel controversial, as there has certainly been a lot of voices urging folks to step away from anything even tangentially cargo. But I think the issue with the cargo pants and shorts of yore was always that they were too bulky and long! Try this more fitted pair and rest easy knowing you can absolutely fit a ring of keys in those pockets. Finally, I encourage you to go all the way off with this black and white geometric pair of shorts, they are cool in the best kind of breezy and effortless way.
Mommi Energy
Left to Right: High-Waisted Tie-Belt Linen-Blend Plus-Size Shorts: Old Navy ($32.99) //
Miss Selfridge lace hem legging short: ASOS ($19) // Corey Lynn Calter Alexa Paperbag Shorts: Anthropologie ($118) // Belted High Waist Pleated Shorts: Nordstrom Rack ($24.97)
Where my fellow Mommis at?! Let’s get started with the classic summer time Mommi fabric, linen! Frankly, I could have found four pairs of just linen shorts for this section and called it a day, but you deserve my best! I love the tie waist of this pair from Old Navy, it’s very “hopping off your whimsical bike to grab a drink at the beach bar,” which I love. Also brilliant? A bike short with lace detailing! Let’s be honest, Princess Diana was an iconic Mommi, and you should wear these summer shorts in her honor. I love a paper bag short, they are breezy and cool and almost universally flattering. Both of these pairs have a high waist and belt, which I love, and the black and white ones are bringing some 70s energy with that pattern!
Teen on TikTok
Left to Right: High-Waisted O.G. Tie-Dye Button-Fly Jean Shorts: Old Navy ($39.99) // Striped Mesh Shorts: Anthropologie ($84) // Pilcro The Wanderer Shorts: Anthropologie ($88) // Curve matching velour shorts in blue: asos ($23)
Every single item above does make me feel old as hell, I should stipulate that. But look, there are all kinds of vibes and styles, and while I am always The Mom friend, that means someone has to be the friend with the energy of a very online teen! The big thing you’ll notice here is that the youth are very into textures and bright, bold patterns. These tie-dye summer shorts are honestly cute as hell, bright and summery! For the daring among us—what about mesh! Lean into those 90s aesthetics! Plus, you will simply never be hot in these! I love the studied casualness of this paint splattered pair, maybe you have a pair you really painted in? Finally, this velour pair is just one option of many trendy fabrics, do not discount a knit!
Okay, how are are we feeling? A little better? Maybe slightly less overwhelmed? There are, of course, a ton more looks that fit this brief, so please drop more suggestions in the comments if you got em!
So You Want to Remember What Clothes Are? Here’s a Guide to Updated Basics
Have you recently found yourself staring into the vast abyss that is your closet or dresser or (let us be honest) floor, wondering what on earth clothes are? How do they go on a body? Why do they go on a body? We’ve been inside for a long time, and if you are anything like me, memories of anything approaching a personal style have slowly faded away, replaced by a rotating crop of sweats and novelty t-shirts.
Which is not to say a rotating crop of sweats is not a personal style — it’s not like I’m getting rid of any of mine, heaven forbid! But I do want to start thinking about adding some new things to the mix, so if you are also feeling that way, but worry that you have lost the ability to do so, you have come to the right place!
“So You Want To…” is a biweekly fashion guide, aimed to help you find the perfect looks for things like: exciting events (finally meeting that cutie you’ve been FaceTiming with for six months!), aesthetics and vibes (butch bottom summer!), pop culture personas (Fran Finecore!) and, well, whatever else I dream up!
For this first installation, I figured we’d keep it simple — a guide for some updated basics, with a rundown of the trends you can expect to see this summer. Think of it as a building block for our future forrays, yeah?
Jeans
From left to right: Joni High Rise CurveSkinny Jeans: Universal Standard, Donna High Rise Curve Straight Leg Jeans: Universal Standard, Monki Yoko Wide Leg Jeans: ASOS, Joe’s High Rise Cropped Bootcut Jeans: Nordstrom Rack
Here’s the thing about jeans: once you find a pair that works, it’s hard to go out of your way and try something new, because, well — shopping for jeans is the worst. But! If there was ever a time to get a little wild, it’s now!
Some of you might be excited to see that we are slowly stepping away from the skinny jeans that have held a chokehold on Our Culture™ since the mid aughts, and that is true! If you are still dedicated to ’em, maybe try this high-waisted pair from Universal Standard? They are a touch more relaxed in the knee and hip, generally less binding then the skinnies of old. This straight leg pair, also from Universal Standard, speaks to my desire to introduce more structure while not being totally restrictive, perhaps they speak to you too? Prepare to see a blend of 90s and 70s styles this summer, as evidence by the high-waisted, light washed, baggy excellence of this pair from ASOS, and the cropped flare (flare!!!) on this black pair from Nordstrom Rack.
Soft Pants
From left to right: Poplin Tapered Jogger: Old Navy, Skinny Sweatpants with Side Stripe: ASOS, Slim Fit Sweatpants in Navy Stripe: ASOS, Eden Twill Pull on Pants, Long: Universal Standard
Did you think I was gonna say no more soft pants, like some kind of cruel fashion tyrant? Soft pants are here to stay, but I do want to update them a bit! Like these high-waisted joggers — casual and understated, and would pair effortlessly with any top or shoe you can imagine. I am also living for this athletic inspired moment (blame this image) and these side stripe joggers are, quite frankly, sick.
Also coming back with a vengeance is the pinstripe, if you can believe it. I am a little wary of it, if I am being honest, but this navy pair is compelling! And if you like your soft pants a little looser around the ankle, these twill pull pants will absolutely turn heads, even if you pair them with your silliest novelty t-shirt.
Dresses and Jumpsuits
From left to right: Long Sleeve V-Neck in Forest Green: ASOS, Fit and Flare Midi Dress for Women: Old Navy, Button Cuffed Jumpsuit in Oatmeal: ASOS, Slouchy Overalls in Washed Black: ASOS
Remember what I said about the 90s? Prepare to see that influence in dresses big time this summer — note the baby doll ruffles on this green mini and to the oversized, Laura Ashley-esque florals on this black midi. Both of these would look incredible with a pair of Docs, but you know that. Are you not into dresses, but still want to throw on a single item that is breezy and cool? Hello neutral jumpsuit, I love you. Also! Overalls: They’re back! I think this black washed pair feels a bit more grown up than some of the others I’ve seen, but honestly? There is only one thing you must keep in mind when preparing to rock a pair of overalls: if you wear a yellow shirt under a denim overall, people will 100% assume you are very into Minions. Do with that what you will.
Shirts
From left to right: Bee Print Short Sleeve Shirt: Clothing Without Labels, Satin Shirt in Geo Giraffe Print: ASOS, Knitted Tank with Pearl Buttons: ASOS, Charlie Two Tone Shirt: Haute Butch
Are you looking to get into fun, all over patterns on shirts? Well, I have good news! For those who lean more masc, this bumblebee short sleeve dress shirt is delightful, and would look great with any of the jeans up top. The more femme inclined among us might be interested in this giraffe print top — it is a great way to lean into those 70s aesthetics! For those who aren’t afraid of a bit of skin, why not go fully off with this knitted tank? If baring the bod isn’t quite your style, that is A-OK because this black and white top is incredible and perfect for the warmer months ahead.
Shoes
From left to right: Vans Platform Sneaker: ASOS, Koi Footwear Aiya Vegan Chunky Sneakers: ASOS, Birkenstock Yao Hex: Nordstorm Rack, Cole Haan Modern Classics Embossed Loafer: Nordstrom Rack
Remember shoes? They are the things that go on your feet when you — stay with me — leave the house. Wild, right? The trend for shoes right now is platforms and in a big way. I’m giving you two different options, a classic Van with a restrained bit of elevation as well as this cotton candy colored Baby Spice dream shoe. Both are guaranteed to have you (carefully) strutting your best stuff.
Craving a sandal? Well, I am a lesbian, so I always think Birkenstock’s are in style, and now it seems the world has finally caught up! If you already have a pair — I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume you do — why not try ones with metallic touches? Finally, I am entirely, absolutely obsessed with these loafers, they are making me think I should commit to a Miami Vice slash Robin Williams in The Birdcage energy this summer — maybe you should, too?
WHEW! How are we feeling? Excited? Inspired? Overwhelmed? All of the above? I’m starting to think that dressing myself might be possible after all!
If you have a vibe or a mood or an event you’d like to see a guide for, drop ’em in the comments!
15 Robes for Gay Divorcées
Gay divorceés are very hot right now, very of the moment. I say this not just because I’m a gay divorcée and increasingly my friends are too; it’s just a fact. Detransition, Baby is dedicated to divorced cis women. All my group chats are trading mediation tips. Everyone I go on a first date with turns out to also be a gay divorcée. A quick twitter search gave me this, which isn’t strictly linked but feels related:
Gay Divorce #Cocktail #Recipehttps://t.co/ReIhdnQxX0 pic.twitter.com/EMxgFq2t9u
— Bartender.Live (@bartender_live) April 6, 2021
Although not everyone is lucky enough to be a hot gay divorceé (yet! Life is long, stay positive!) everyone can get into the staple of the gay divorceé wardrobe: the robe. It is the first thing I (and all my friends) have wanted to buy upon putting the divorce in motion; in a better world, it would come as part of a welcome basket. It’s perfect for lounging in your new apartment with a can of wine, for taking thirst traps in, for kicking your date out of your apartment at 8 am on the dot the next morning, for sitting on your fire escape with a cigarette in a haze of despair. It does it all! And there are as many options for robes as there are gay divorceés to wear them.
1. Flowy, Drapey Maxi Robes
Gorgeous, comfortable, silk, Black-owned; Jibri’s loungewear is the ideal divorce robe, giving you glamor and drama while remaining totally effortless, as if you completely forgot your ex was stopping by this morning to pick up the last of their things.
2. Target Floral Robe
Target’s selection of house robes changes every season; this one isn’t one of my personal favorites, but it might be yours, and if you don’t love it yet just wait like a month. Reliable, utilitarian, machine-washable, good for lending to your date while they run to the bathroom during a sex break in case they run into the roommate that you live with now because you are, again, divorced.
3. Oddbird Handwoven Turkish Robe
Why do I want this robe so badly? Is it the drapey texture? The pockets? That all of the models on this site look like haunted GOOP writers? It looks so comfortable and also so stylish! I am so annoyed at the overall aesthetic and price point and also will probably buy this in the next 3 months.
4. Etsy Turkish-Style Robes (1, 2)
If you like the above Turkish-style robe but are not going to cave like me and spend the money for it, these Etsy ones are similar! Pockets! Comfort of a spa robe with more style, and pleasingly ungendered!
5. Bettie Page Smoking Robe
This was designed for hot divorceés; the juxtaposition of the short length and full sleeves says you’re all business in the court hearing and a party in the (linen) sheets.
6. Devore Gown (Straight & Plus Size)
The drama! Did you divorce your ex, or did they go mysteriously missing on a yacht trip???
7. Peacock Print Satin Robe (Straight, Plus Size)
Perfect for hosting a boozy Sunday brunch for you and your friends to trade stories about your dates last night, and maybe volunteer to photograph each other’s thirst traps after.
8. Bettie Page Feather Robe
Sometimes you’re not in the mood for subtlety! To be worn while having phone sex with the PNW mechanic you met on Lex.
9. Full-Length Kimono-Style Robes (1, 2)
Extreme Gillian-Anderson-in-Sex-Education vibes. Making breakfast for your date? Your children? Both? Divorced MILFs, this is your time.
10. I Like Pink (1, 2)
Some folks’ post-divorce robe persona is very pink, and I love that for you. Send some selfies in these to the group chat please!
11. Leopard Print Is a Neutral (1, 2)
Some people’s post-divorce persona is leopard print! I love this for you as well! Comforting to know this is waiting for you to slip on after Zoom divorce court!
12. Heart Print Robe
Is this the final boss of gay divorcée robes? Picture it: your ex is dropping off the kids on the Monday morning of the long weekend they had them for; you answer the door in this heart-print robe, hair sexily tousled from last night, a cup of coffee in your hand. As they walk away, they hear an unfamiliar voice laughing from the kitchen at a joke you made – who is that? Love is not a a lie; it’s just not for your ex anymore!
13. Savage Fenty Smoking Jacket
Far be it from me to forget the backbone of the gay divorcée community: butch and masc gay divorcées. A smoking jacket is a classic; to wake up to someone fixing me eggs in the morning wearing this and some boxer briefs? Makes me want to get divorced all over again!
14. Men’s Cut Satin Robes (1, 2)
The butch nudes taken in these? Life-ruining! Again, extremely available to receive those!
15. Burgundy Hooded Robe
One of the little joys of newly single life is developing your own routines and rituals, like heading out onto the stoop in the mornings to pick up the paper and waving to your hot neighbor. You could be doing that wearing this robe – you deserve it, and so does your hot neighbor.
What are your signature gay divorcée looks? Please share!!
The Lesbian Bar Project Raises Over $100,000 to Protect 15 of Our Last Lesbian Bars
“I remember a space I never knew existed,” says comedian, actor and butch lesbian icon Lea DeLaria (“Orange is the New Black”). “A space rooted in love, and history.”
Her narration plays over a ninety-second public service announcement made up of both archival photos and videos, and recent footage, released last month by a campaign called the Lesbian Bar Project. Neon lights dance across the grinning faces of bar patrons through the decades as they embrace one another, and themselves, in rooms and streets so full of joy that it’s palpable even through the screen.
“I remember the lost spaces,” says DeLaria, as the PSA pays tribute to the scores of lesbian bars that have been shuttered over the years—places like The Palms in West Hollywood, Lexington Club in San Francisco, and Kooky’s, Bonnie & Clyde, Ariel, and too many others in New York City to name.
Since the 1980s, the number of lesbian bars across the United States has been in decline. At one point there were an estimated 200 nationwide, but bars catering to women, and those for queer people of color, are closing at rates up to 20% higher than even other gay bars. At the start of 2020, there were just sixteen lesbian bars left —and in a circumstance becoming increasingly familiar to small business owners across the country, one has already been forced by pandemic-related financial strain to close its doors.
Lesbian nightlife always has been, and always will be, tenacious and ever-evolving. Many themed parties have sprung up in recent years, more versatile and flexible than bars, and dazzling in their own right. Nonetheless, the absence of more permanent spaces, and the history they hold, is deeply felt.
One such space is the Stud, San Francisco’s oldest gay bar. The Stud was founded in 1966 and was known not only for its vibrant atmosphere and iconic drag nights, but also for the enduring community it has been home to. Over the decades, including during the White Night Riots of 1979, and throughout the AIDS epidemic, people have gathered on the sticky floor of the Stud to party, to grieve, and to organize.
The Stud has changed hands and locations more than once, and when rising rent made its future uncertain in 2016, a collective of LGBTQ artists and performers came forward to rescue the space and form the first nightclub co-op in the country. This June, however, with lockdown dragging on and the building expenses mounting, the collective was forced to announce the club’s closing. The Stud had a proper 2020 send-off, in the form of a virtual drag show, and the collective has already begun searching for a new venue. For the time being, though, the Stud is yet another queer space relegated to history.
The Lesbian Bar Project is hoping to deliver the bars that still remain from a similar fate. The group’s public service announcement, co-directed by filmmakers Erica Rose and Elina Street, is part of phase one in their plan to preserve the sapphic splendor of lesbian bars for future generations.
For their purposes, the Lesbian Bar projects defines a lesbian bar as one that prioritizes “creating space for people of marginalized genders; including women, non-binary folks, and trans men,” a mission that’s as inclusive of modern crowds as it is true to the storied history of lesbian bars and those who have frequented them. Over the years, these spaces have been havens of acceptance and community, in particular when compared with the at times overwhelming whiteness and cisness of bars more geared toward a clientele of gay men.
They have also served as hubs of political organization. In this vein, the group’s PSA seeks to remind viewers of the spirit of activism and protest that is intrinsic to the lesbian community, and the LGBTQ community as a whole. “I remember that pride began as a riot,” says DeLaria, and protest footage rolls, including a clip from this past summer’s 15,000-strong Black Trans Lives Matter rally in Brooklyn, NY.
“Losing just one more of these cherished spaces has devastating consequences for queer people in this country,” says Rose.
As Street describes, the goal of the project is to not only highlight the bars and “cherish the memories of the lost spaces,” but to, “project a future of hope and sustainability within our community.”
In the United States, most small businesses are owned by men—bars, even more so. There’s something lovely and right about Rose and Street, two queer women in the traditionally male-dominated industry of filmmaking, working to bolster these equally rare spaces.
The project’s fundraising website launched on October 28th, in conjunction with Jägermeister as part of their #SaveTheNight initiative to support nightlife through the pandemic, and non-profit arts service organization Fractured Atlas. The project is produced by Lily Ali-Oshatz and Charles Hayes IV, and executive produced by DeLaria, and The Katz Company.
The Lesbian Bar Project, striving to preserve many facets of queer life, also hosted virtual events throughout the month-long fundraising campaign. These included a roundtable discussion, in partnership with Rockland County Pride Center, featuring Roxane Gay and Rosie O’Donnell alongside narrator DeLaria; and a virtual version of the comedy show and podcast Dyking Out, which included Leo Sheng, Sydnee Washington, Ali Clayton, Emma Willmann, Cameron Esposito, Rita Brent, and Mary Lambert.
And there’s more in store. Those gearing up for the dark, socially-isolated binge-watching season ahead will be glad to hear that the next phase of the project, currently under production, involves plans for an episodic docuseries seeking to explore the history and cultural significance of lesbian bars in the United States. Rose said of the project, “I want to use the power of filmmaking to illuminate the rich history…and provide an opportunity for Lesbian Bars to tell their stories.”
And if you’re eager to learn more about the rich present of the 15 venues still open, the Lesbian Bar Project website includes further information about each of the remaining lesbian bars, including a map that shows them scattered across the country like sparse beacons, and photos and statements from their owners.
Rose and Street, both in New York, are longtime supporters of their own local lesbian bar, Cubbyhole. “I like to say that Cubbyhole knew I was gay before I did,” says Rose.
Lisa Menichino, owner of Cubbyhole, shares that, “3/16/2020, due to the pandemic, was the first time we closed in 27 years. We cannot allow ourselves to become an invisible minority,” Menchino goes on. “We must continue to have a presence. We have to find a way to survive.”
Between October 28th and November 25th, the Lesbian Bar Project raised $117,504.50 toward that goal of survival.
“We are elated, and the amount raised definitely exceeded our expectations,” say Rose and Street. “The goal was not only to raise money and give immediate financial support, but to garner visibility for these vital institutions that are disappearing at a staggering rate.”
And in keeping with the proud tradition of dyke nightlife, the bars are already rising to the occasion. “Lisa Cannistraci of Henrietta Hudson is reimagining her space and turning it into what she calls a ‘European Café’ experience,” shared Rose and Street. “Many are galvanizing the support received from the campaign to do their own virtual events, like Jo McDaniel of A League of Her Own D.C. who plans to host conversations with local queer activists and artists as part of an on-going series.”
The great thing about virtual events? You can attend them from anywhere. It’s impressive, but not at all surprising when you consider the history these bars come from. With the funds raised by the project, the bars will be able to not only maintain, but expand the communities that depend upon them, and give them their core. As Rose and Street put it, “The women behind these bars are hustlers and innovators.”
NEW MERCH ALERT: Tees! Sweatshirts! Stickers! Face Masks! QUEER! MAGNETIC! POETRY!
HELLO EVERYONE! I’m so excited to introduce you to this years new crop of Autostraddle merch just in time for the holidays! We have new versions of old classics like the You Do You Tee, and the Scissoring Sweatshirt. There’s also brand-spanking new merch, like pronoun stickers with a dreamy vapor wave finish, QUEER MAGNETIC POETRY hand-crafted by Autostraddle writers and staff, and beautiful handmade face masks! As always, your merch purchase will help us continue to exist. Buy something for you, your pod friends, your girlfriend, your ex girlfriend, your byofriend, your mom who’s secretly gay, your best friend who you’re secretly gay for, and your polycule and your cuticles.
You Do You Tee
XS-3XL
Reprinted for a reason! The reason is that y’all love it and so do we! (Also the other reason was you voted for it in this poll to bring back a vintage Autostraddle Tee). This super soft tee is printed on 100% ring spun cotton.
Scissoring Sweatshirt
S-2XL
Cozy as fuck and just waiting for you. Printed on a heavyweight, pigment-dyed sweatshirt.
They Tee
XS-4XL
Oh I’m sorry, do you already have enough t-shirts with THEY printed right across the front? Well then I guess you won’t be needing this perfect rendition! Printed on super soft, tri blend fabric.
Let’s Go Lesbians Tee
XS-4XL
The perfect tee for anybody who loves running around the park with a group of wild lesbians. Printed on super-soft, 100% ring spun cotton.
Stickers
Scissoring Sticker — For anyone who knows there’s all this fun to be had, if we just believe in ourselves. 3″x2″. Printed on glowy, satin finish Vapor Wave paper.
Read a Fucking Book Sticker — Truly what the fuck else are you doing with your weekends this year?? 2″x2″. Printed on durable matte vinyl that’s UV protected and waterproof.
Hot Take Sticker — You’re full of them, the hot takes. Just be honest about it. 3″x2″. Printed on durable matte vinyl that’s UV protected and waterproof.
Queerdo Sticker — It’s you, you’re the queerdo. 2″x2″ Printed on a shimmery, shiny vinyl.
Who All’s Gay Here Sticker — For when you’re fresh out of time to fuck around. 3.5″ x 2″. Printed on durable matte vinyl that’s UV protected and waterproof.
Gender Traitor Sticker — Gay. 2″x2″. Printed on a fluorescent neon pink sticker paper that reacts to black light.
Pronoun Stickers — Each sticker is 2″ tall and printed on glowy, satin finish Vapor Wave paper.
Autostraddle Queer Magnetic Poetry
Autostraddle’s first magnetic poetry kit! 330 VERY GAY WORDS to express your tender, horny, poetic heart.
Face Masks
Masks for your queer gay face in six bold prints illustrated by Maanya Dhar, Ren Strapp and Rohama Malik; lovingly handmade by Jess Sheeran. They feature a filter pocket, are fully adjustable and tie behind the head. 100% cotton and machine washable.
Visit the Autostraddle Store ⇨
Holiday Delivery Deadlines
To get your deliveries in time for the holidays make sure to place your order by
📦 12/15 — USPS Retail Ground Service*
📦 12/18 — First-Class Mail Service*
📦 12/19 — Priority Mail Service*
📦 12/23 — Priority Mail Express Service*
* These dates are for domestic orders–we have no guarantee for international orders ♡
Conceptual Ideas / Riese + Sarah Sarwar
Designers / Sarah Sarwar, Rory Midhani, Alex Vega + Erin
Illustrators / Betty Turbo, Maanya Dhar, Ren Strapp, Rohama Malik and Aubrey Casazza
Printing / Hello Merch, Spoonflower, Sticker Ninja + US Magnetix
It’s Black Friday and The Categories Are Sweatpants, Skincare, Sneakers and Sex Toys
Black Friday deals! What a time to be alive. Maybe the worst time? Black Friday is a great shopping day for the holidays. Who doesn’t love a good Black Friday deal on Skincare favorites. Or, perhaps you want Black Friday sweatpants. You’re probably not going anywhere so why not get comfortable? Also, wow Black Friday deals for sneakers are out of this world! Truly great sneakers for Black Friday. But also the best sale in the whole world is of course our very own, so check out the Autostraddle Merch Black Friday Sale also.
Black Friday Deals from Farfetch, Pattern and Good Vibrations
1. SK8 Vans National Geographic embroidered high-top sneakers $49 from $100 // 2. Pattern Sweatpants For the Community (S – XL) – $38 from $50 // 3. Womanizer Premium Clitoral Stimulator – $159 from $199
Black Friday Deals From 24s, TomboyX and Dermstore
1. Nike Daybreak Trainers – $47 from $120 // 2. TomboyX French Terry Jogger (XS – 4XL) – $45 from $60 with code BF2020 // 3. EltaMD UV Clear Broad-Spectrum SPF 46 – $28.80 from $36
Black Friday Deals From Good Vibrations, Dermstore and Shopbop
1. Magic Wand Rechargeable – $103.96 from $129.95 // 2. Sunday Riley Flash Fix – $18.75 from $25 ($30 value) // 3. Onitsuka Tiger Fabre Classic Mid Top Sneakers $36 from $120
Black Friday Deals From Adidas, Pretty Little Things and Glossier
1. Adidas Gazelle OG Shoes – $48 from $80 // 2. Plus Pink Toggle Waist Cuff Hem Jogger (Sizes 12 -22) – $25 from $38 (get an extra 20% off with code PLUS20 at Checkout) // 3. Glossier 3-Step Skincare Routine – $30 down from $52
Black Friday Deals From Nordstrom, Girlfriend Collective and Asos
1. Mario Badescu Vitamin C Serum $31.50 from $45 // 2. Girlfriend Collective High-Rise Pocket Legging (Sizes 2XS – 6XL) – $46.8 from $78 // 3. Nike Blazer Low-Level Sneakers – $60 from $75 with code MOREPLSYAY
Black Friday Deals From Alternative Apparel, Asos and Reformation
1. Alternative Apparel Classic Eco-Fleece Sweatpants (XS – XL) – $32.50 from $54 with code 50CYBER // 2. Asos Curve Womens Sweatpants – (12 – 24) $22.50 from $45 // 3. The Boyfriend Sweatpant = (XS – XL) $54.60 from $78
Black Friday Deals From Sephora, Old Navy and Reebok
1. First Aid Ultra Repair Cream – $15 from $42 // 2. Breathe On Plus-Size Jogger Pants – $18.99 from $37.99 // 3. Reebok Freestyle High Women’s Shoes $37.50 from $75 with code BFEXCLUSIVE
Black Friday Deals From Fun Factory, Adidas and Todd Snyder
1. Volta by Fun Factory – 104.99 from $139.99 // 2. Adidas Osweego Shoes – $66 from $110 // 3. Todd Snyder x Champion Lightweight Classic Sweatpants in Spice (Mens XS – 2XL) – $64 from $118
Our products are independently selected by our writers. Purchases you make through our links may earn us a commission.
The Impulse Quarantine Purchases We’d 100% Buy Again
How are you coping? Or, you know, “coping?” The days are getting shorter, the nights are getting colder, and many of us have been living in varying degrees of extreme isolation in best-case scenarios for months; it’s been about a year since I last saw my mom and brother and I have no idea how much longer it will be! Anyways, while there are certainly other (and arguably healthier) coping mechanisms than stress shopping, I don’t think we should totally rule out any options just yet. And sometimes impulse buys work out really well! In service of that fact, we’re here to tell you which emotionally compromised quarantine purchases we heartily stand by and would enthusiastically recommend.
6 Queer-Owned Sex Shops You’ll Vibe With
As 2020 rages on I would like to make a small pact with you all: can we, collectively, stop buying sex toys off Amazon? I know it’s tempting, but we can do better! There’s a plethora of feminist and queer-owned sex shops that ship worldwide and offer great quality toys at all price points. As we stock up on toys and lube for winter, we can put our queer money back into queer businesses! Here’s a list of queer-owned sex shops, most of which exist in the physical world as well as the internet – and few recommended items from each shop!
Sugar
Lesbian-owned Sugar in Baltimore is a fantastic shop with a great variety of toys. What makes this website special are the videos accompanying some of the items as well as the many recorded virtual workshops they’ve uploaded for sale.
I recommend:
Kimi Rechargeable Finger Vibe
For those that enjoy using their fingers to get off, (or if you want to add a little extra buzz to handjobs, nipple play, or whatever) this sleek toy can help get you there.
Feelmore
Feelmore’s brick and mortar shops exist in Berkeley and Oakland but they ship everywhere. With a huge selection of toys and a knowledgeable staff, this is a shop worth clicking through.
I recommend:
We-Vibe Nova 2
This dual-stimulating toy has been the only dual-ended toy that hasn’t disappointed me-in fact I love it! This vibrator is app-compatible making it great for long-distance play and with it’s recent makeover, this toy is better than ever!
Booty Call Petite Probe
Okay this plug is CUTE!!! The design and shape is so smart, the silicone is flexible, this toy is perfect for hitting all the right spots.
Smitten Kitten
In the heart of Minneapolis, this shop is near and dear to my heart! Smitten Kitten is very particular with what they carry in their shop, from lube to toys, you know it’s going to be body safe.
I recommend:
Ah! Yes Plant-Oil Based Lube
Want a lube that feels luxurious but can also intensely hydrate your bits? You do! This lube feels great and it’s ideal for anyone experiencing dryness, with delicate skin, or anyone why wants an oil-based lube that doesn’ feel greasy.
FemmeFunn Ultra Bullet
Rechargeable, flexible and STRONG, this bullet doesn’t disappoint! This vibrator is a fairly quiet and small so it’s great for those who need some stealth-it’s also fully waterproof for shower play as well.
Early2Bed
Early2Bed is a fantastic shop in Chicago that squeezes a lot into its small space. The staff is great, the selection is immaculate!
I recommend:
Jollet Dildo
This dildo has been making the rounds on the internet. The unique shape of this firm dildo is meant to push against the g-spot and fit snugly in a body.
On The Go Packer
New on the market, this 35 DOLLAR (!!!!) silicone packer is squishy and perfect for wearing out and about when you want something ~there~ but not THERE.
She-Bop
She-Bop is a Portland hub and can offer you virtual appointments if you need to talk something over with their smart staff.
I recommend:
Pillow Talk Sassy Vibrator
If you’re looking for a vibrator to explore your g-spot with, the Pillow Talk Sassy has a great curve, an awesome handle, and strong vibrations-all for $60!
Liberator Fascinator Mini-Throe
You’ve all heard me gush (get it?) about the Liberator Fascinator Throe before but this MINI version?!?!?! A lifesaver! Small enough to pack on trips and it doesn’t take up the entire shelf in my closet, this waterproof soft blanket is the more compact (and more affordable) version of the classic Fascinator Throe.
Enby
Okay, this shop is new and it looks VERY VERY promising!!! I’m really excited to see what they continue to put into the shop as they already have many fantastic options!
I recommend:
Le Wand Stainless Steel Arch
Stainless steel toys are known for their delicious weight and this double-ended dildo has a ridged bulbous end as well as more flat end to lay against your g-spot. Long story short: it looks fun.
Affix Triple Chain Nipple Clamps
We all know it is *THE* time for sending nudes. Take your thirst traps to the next level with these sexy nipple clamps. Both stimulating AND stunning.
Can Queer Businesses Survive COVID-19? Here’s How Some Are Trying
I couldn’t tell what caused my tears first, now turning cold in the salt air. Was it the glare off the Pacific Ocean, one of the few places close to my home that felt both beautiful and accessible during shelter in place? Or the sunscreen sweating into my eyes, after the short hike my housemate and I had just completed? Or was it the news about the permanent closure of The Stud’s location at 399 9th Street in San Francisco. Since March, when shelter in place orders first rolled into effect, through the panic shopping, the masked walks, and the various ways my community was showing up through distance and digital connection, my friends and I had a refrain: When this is over, I can’t wait to go to the Stud. But a game of gay gossip telephone revealed the Stud’s closure, before their official announcement. All this, in the midst of quarantine, trickling into Instagram feeds a little over a month before San Francisco Pride on June 28th. A few days after their official announcement, George Floyd would be killed by a Minneapolis police officer sparking a wave of protest and rebellion in the name of Black life.
While the early weeks of the coronavirus pandemic had felt draining for many essential workers (including myself), the scale of the governmental ineptitude in responding to the crisis hadn’t quite registered. The bare minimum in terms of financial protection having been achieved, initiatives to support struggling businesses stopped far short of what was needed. According to Honey Mahogany, a member of The Stud Collective which cooperatively owns the bar, the collective knew the bar would have to move, and began looking for a new space to move into once their year to yearwo lease was up at the end of 2020. Despite finding this new location, coronavirus protection measures meant many gay bars would be closed for their busiest months, which, as Mahogany says, “left a very long time before the end of the year,” putting The Stud in an unsustainable situation. Lex Young, who runs The Stud’s financials, seconded the pain of losing the income of the Summer and Fall months to sheltering in place, noting how, for so many queer people who work in the service industry, “everyone’s busy month where they make all their rent was just coming up.”
The domestic economic crisis sparked by the spread of coronavirus in early 2020 has permanently shaped the lives of queer people, whether or not they own a business. While the Stud’s collectivization didn’t fully protect it from feeling the financial burden of months of lost income, it did at least “disperse the risk” Young says, making the process of moving out of their physical space, fielding media requests, and pivoting towards putting on online shows a much more streamlined process. The Stud’s width of programming comes from its collective members’ passion for developing so much creative work, members like Chloe Miller, who serves as a manager, bartender, organizer of the Stud Pin Archive, and de facto bar historian. Some of this broad programming has shifted to digital platforms, like The Stud Stories podcast, and The Stud’s Drag Alive twitch channel, which livestreams weekly drag shows, raising funds for performers, as well as the collective fund for opening a new physical Stud space. The culture of building power, sharing resources, and shaping the community around a business also drives Bluestockings, located on Manhattan’s Lower East Side, which has been collectively owned and operated for over twenty years. For this bookstore and event space, “the community that runs and uses the space is our priority.”
One of their priorities as collective members has been operating the store on “Crip time” the concept coined by disability justice activists that prioritizes people’s need for rest and physical safety. The collective members say that while these foundational ideas of accessibility have “always been built into our work as a collective,” it’s of particularly importance because of the global pandemic. For those volunteers and collective members at Bluestockings, individuals who are sick and disabled could work from home when they needed to, and didn’t jeopardize someone’s health for the sake of having someone in the store. Many businesses have been forced to operate under this accessibility, or risk losing the physical community they’ve built. While this model of shifting toward digital platforms and online livestream events has been occurring since before the coronavirus pandemic began, for Dia Dynasty and Lucy Sweetkill, the co-owners of the private BDSM space La Maison Du Rouge, their weekly Periscope broadcasts have become a staple of their broad community building. Their live streamed events encompass anyone “kink adjacent or sex worker related” including “writers, bloggers, activists, people who are actually of the community in the way of femme dommes, and kink educators.” From recent interviews with Ashleigh Nicole Tribble, also known as Ashleigh Chubby Bunny, who discussed how kink informed her view of the power she held, to a group stream with Troy Orleans, Mistress Marley, and SxNoir about the intersections of sex work and Black liberation activism, La Maison Du Rouge’s weekly livestreams have carried the power and educational potential of the dungeon onto digital platforms. Sweetkill and Dynasty also host interpersonal gatherings, which have been on hold since COVID, and were forced to cancel one of their upcoming kinky clothing swaps, where a portion of all clothing donated goes to street based sex workers. Within sex working community there are individuals who hold more or less privileged positions, yet Sweetkill notes how generally, sex workers often show up in solidarity for other causes, because as criminalized laborers, they understand what it means when “a system does not want you there.”
Creating, finding, and growing these alternative and queer spaces often means facing down the social restrictions placed upon marginalized groups, while also balancing the struggles of being a viable business. Sweetkill and Dynasty note how they need a space to do the sort of work they do safely, without running the risk of being criminalized in public, and started La Maison Du Rouge five years ago after both going independent (not working for a pre-established dungeon, but developing your personal S/M practice) as femme dommes.
While bookstores may not currently be criminalized in the same way sex workers and their places of business are, Bluestockings’ volunteer and collective members acknowledge the the threat of state violence shared by queer & trans people, sex workers, disabled people, and people of color. Their commitment to being an abolitionist space has meant working alongside Books through Bars, as well as Survived and Punished NY, an organization who does critical abolitionist work to end the criminalization of survivors of domestic and sexual violence who regularly meets at the store to hold meetings, and with whom Bluestockings co-hosted their annual fundraiser. Entitled “Another World is Possible,” one of the rallying cries of the Zapatista movement, it was initially created to be a simple fundraiser assisting with baseline costs for the space, like rent. But once the uprisings for Black lives started, with New York becoming a flashpoint for activism, the Bluestockings’ volunteers and collective members “shifted gears to ensure that our fundraising work also supports the fight for Black lives,” and chose to split all funds raised by the event “evenly between Bluestockings and Survived and Punished NY.” The community that helped build Bluestockings, as both a physical space and an emotionally important site, was brought together by the fundraising goals and an incredible lineup of speakers who donated their time: Janet Mock, Roxane Gay, Carmen Maria Machado, Molly Crabapple, Jenny Zhang, Yaa Gyasi, Tommy Pico, Gabby Rivera, and Jes Tom, as well as S&P NY members Samah Sisay and Yves.
The fundraiser aimed to raise $50,000, split between the two organizations, and has raised almost $34,000 towards that goal. “We’re continuing to uplift and amplify the fundraising call,” says the Bluestockings’ collective members and volunteers, because “our work and S&P NY’s work are far from over,” and the ongoing fundraiser can be contributed to here. The event helped to bring together the Bluestockings community, as a space that has existed for over 20 years, where people from all over come to learn and be together.
These sorts of spaces that have been open for decades, and permanently shaped the fabric of their community aren’t just in New York.
The Stud, before its closure as a physical space in May 2020, was San Francisco’s oldest gay bar, having been open since 1966. It lasted through the White Night riots in 1979, and the AIDS crisis the following two decades, which devastated so many queer bars, bathouses, and businesses in the SOMA neighborhood. The Stud earned a designation as a legacy business following 2015 legislation put forth by then-City Council member David Campos. Mahogany appreciates that this status ensures the business a little economic protection, but at just “a couple thousand dollars a year,” those funds were not enough to keep the business afloat during COVID, when there wasn’t any income being generated. And while this status may be valuable for historical purposes, and a mark of personal pride for those businesses which carry it, the actual economic gains are shrinking according to Young. The “annual piece of a grant” that legacy businesses draw from comes out of a set city fund, so every year as “more and more legacy businesses are added, the amount you get is smaller, smaller, smaller” leaving San Francisco businesses that helped shape the city struggling to survive.
In fact, Young continues, despite the noble idea of a legacy business registry and some financial benefits for businesses which “mean something culturally” beyond just the services they provide, the actual function of the legislation allows landlords to raise rent speculatively on those legacy businesses. There is “no general regulation or official protection,” but rather hundreds of dollars per square foot that a landlord can recoup, with a possibility of a landlord in San Francisco renting to a legacy business actually earning $22,000 annually – this number, coincidentally, is slightly more than the total amount the Stud has raised for its GoFundMe survival campaign. If a landlord can continue to speculate and actually turn a profit on a legacy business, are there any formalized protections for businesses that have survived a city which has so rapidly gentrified? “I tried to look into that, because I was curious,” says Young, and even though The Stud sits within the LGBTQ Leather Cultural District and the cultural district ordinance was designed to preserve the intangible cultural history of a neighborhood, Young doesn’t “know what, if anything, the cultural districts actually do to create protections.” They continue, that “unless we can run our bar on top of a plaque on the sidewalk, I don’t think it’s going to do a lot materially.”
Recently, my younger sister and I walked through San Francisco’s Mission on a warm July afternoon, past bright murals, until we ended up near the former site of The Lexington Club — all but forgotten save for a plaque on the ground. The current occupants, an upscale bar, were in the process of constructing an outdoor seating area, so that patrons who chose to risk their health and the waitstaff’s health could enjoy a sit-down meal. Gay bars often don’t have the saved capital to quickly shift toward a COVID-informed accessibility plan, and while The Stud has developed digital ways to stay in touch with community, Mahogany realizes that “we’re obviously limited in how people can interact with us in terms of supporting us beyond interacting with us through our digital drag shows.” How can gay bars and queer spaces, whose function had now seemingly become an imminent threat to our health, function as a site of community coalesence, places that hold the sort of solidarity, organizing, and fundraising potential they’re known for? For the volunteers and members of the Bluestockings’ collective, they hoped to not only frame the question in terms of their resources that were affected by coronavirus prevention measures, but also how they could “use those resources to support material changes in our society.” They wanted to ensure that even as Bluestockings was meeting needs like rent, in order to stay open, that the immediate material needs of their community were also being supported.
“We have always served as a space for radical events and are committed to being a safer space for sex workers, for trans people, queer people, and all marginalized communities on the Lower East Side,” says the Bluestockings’ volunteers and collective members, “so the conversation is really a matter of how best to support the uprising and our Black comrades.” By directly splitting their fundraising with an organization like Survived & Punished, who they have previously organized with, and consider a part of their community, “we’re also nourishing our relationships which is essential to [the] movement.” While Bluestockings’ “Another World is Possible” may be their marquee fundraiser, but they’ve continued to double down on their community commitments and ideological principles, hosting a recent event with abolitionist, writer, and co-founder of Critical Resistance, Ruth Wilson Gilmore. Bluestockings will also be hosting the virtual launch of SF/SX Volume 1, Tina Horn’s comic series about sexual politics, government repression, and collective struggle, with all donations from the event going toward G.L.I.T.S..
Honey Mahogany also sees the nurturing of those communal relationships as invaluable to the larger communal fabric that queer spaces often serve a role in. The first year The Stud became a worker owned collective, in 2016, Mahogany ran a show called Black Fridays, which featured an all-Black cast of performers, all Black DJs, and all Black people working the door. Her goal in creating the show was to “both provide Black people living in the Bay Area extra income so that they could continue to stay in a place that continues to become more and more unaffordable,” but also to engage with, express “and perform or not perform Blackness as they see fit.” Mahogany recognizes that a lot of the drag, performance, and artistic shows in the Bay Area often rely on Black stereotypes and well known Black characters and Black artists, but rarely feature actual Black cast members performing those depictions, or benefitting from their performance. In her experiences working in San Francisco nightlife, “Black people have been undervalued and underappreciated,” and she made sure to compensate her performers for their work, even paying out of pocket if it meant that a Black artist could make more at The Stud than at a gay bar which didn’t explicitly center Blackness. The Stud’s prioritizing of Black voices and Black performers hasn’t ceased with the closure of the physical bar; on Juneteenth of 2020, Nicki Jizz debuted a new drag show on The Stud’s twitch channel entitled “Reparations” which encouraged the audience to pay reparations for the time, energy, and art of the all Black cast that night.
Mahogany says that even though The Stud has done work to center and celebrate the incredible Black arts community in the Bay Area, she wants to see the collective put their money where their mouth is, particularly when it comes to programming and working with more diverse party promoters. Parties like Hoe is Life, Black Fridays, and Reparations all begin this work that she hopes to see continue in the new physical Stud space. For this generation of queer people, living two decades after the worst of the AIDS crisis transpired, a new global plague, the omnipresent threat of capital, and the increasingly violent tactics of the police have threatened any semblance of stability, of normalcy. If cities like San Francisco and New York put even a fraction of their police department’s annual operating budget toward preserving those ‘intangible cultural legacies’ that so many officials claim to revere, those legacies would actually be preserved for a future generation of queer people. The loss of spaces like The Stud feels particularly painful in the wake of so much mounting grief. Young became involved with The Stud after the Ghost Ship warehouse fire in 2016, and sees the bar as a place that “stepped in and carried a lot of those shows… a lot of it doesn’t make a lot of money,” but for members of the collective, it’s not always about being the most profitable bar, but about holding their community together. “I think Marky B from the collective said beautifully “We’re a phoenix, we’ll keep rising again,” and I don’t want to,” says Young. “I don’t want to have to keep burning down and rising up, I want to run a really good bar and event space that means a lot to people.”
Both Dia Dynasty and Lucy Sweetkill want to see a future in which policing has been abolished, where sex work has been decriminalized, and that sex workers are not stigmatized for their work. For Bluestockings’ volunteers and collective members, this abolitionist future, without “cops or prisons” means cultivating a community in which the most marginalized people are centered, have their needs met, and creating a culture of abundance, not one of scarcity and punitive measures. For the volunteers and members, it looks directly like “more Black voices in leadership,” and “more programs to help our housing insecure neighbors, our sex working community, our youth, and in our dreams, there is an elevator and an ADA bathroom.” The last thing Mahogany and the Stud collective members did before leaving the bar was to spray paint a Black Lives Matter sign on the roof, “which luckily the landlord wasn’t able to paint over.” For collective businesses, dungeons run by collaborators, and countless other queer people, a future where police budgets are distributed and landlords can’t erase the history they profit from feels more urgent than ever.
Boyshorts and Girltrunks 101: Your Queer Underwear Guide
Boyshorts and girltrunks are increasingly common in the drawers of women and otherwise-identified people. I’m very passionate about always having cute underwear in general and this specific style of underwear specifically — especially these days when a solid boxer-brief can completely eliminate the need to ever wear pants! My underwear drawer is half thongs and half “girl trunks” — two styles that also meet my other intimate need, which’s no panty lines. Boxers for women are where it’s at.
Now, as a lesbian, I find myself often surrounded by others with similar preferences for boxer-briefs and boyshorts because LGBTQ Women and non-binary people have, historically, been especially inclined to wear boys/men’s underwear or “boy” cuts from the women’s section — and these days, unisex items produced by gender-expansive clothing brands. Back in 2015, we asked our readers what style of underwear they wear: 12% said boxers, 22% said boxer-briefs and 33% said boyshorts. I have no data to compare this to but I feel like this is probably more than the heterosexual and/or cisgender population.
What are Boyshorts and Girltrunks?
For years we’ve seen boxer-briefs or “Girltrunks” made for people who are not adult cis men (as in; no pouch for external genitalia) consistently get discontinued, but a new awareness of the market for this style has transformed the field in recent years. Especially of course TomboyX.
Also, I know that gender is a spectrum and a solid quarter of you likely don’t identify as female, but those words will come up a lot in this post because that is how fashion describes itself!
Underpants who identify as “boyshorts” run the gamut, especially with respect to coverage, so when I say “girltrunks” I’m referring to “boyshorts” (and sometimes men’s boxer-briefs) that cover your whole entire butt and then some. Here, I made you a graphic to explain the different types of underpants!
As you know, we like to diversify the imagery as much as possible here, but unfortunately underwear vendors prefer to focus on skinny white cis girls exclusively, even when modeling plus-size underthings! So that’s how that is.
Let’s begin!
Traditional Medium Coverage Boyshorts
The most common style of boyshorts stops just short of full ass-coverage. What makes this style different from traditional women’s underpants is the cut — they generally reveal less of the thigh and ass than traditional women’s briefs and have short, straight-cut legs and usually a lower waist. They’re exceptionally flattering and also very sporty/sexy. Sportysexy, if you will.
1. TomboyX Black Boy Shorts ($25) XS-4XL
2. Skims Smooth Essentials Boyshort ($24) XS – 4XL
3. Savage X Booty Short ($12-30) XS – 3XL
4. Third Love Pima Cotton Boyshort ($15 or 2 for $25) XS – 3XL
4. Lane Bryant Cotton Boyshort Panty with Wide Waistband ($10.50) 12 – 28
5. True & Co True Body Boyshort ($8 – $16) XS – 2XL
6. Calvin Klein Underwear Women’s Modern Cotton Boy Shorts ($15.80 – $31.50) XS – XL
7. Tommy Hilfiger Women’s Boyshorts (assorted colors) ($10 – $30) S – XL
8.Hanky Panky Signature Lace Boyshorts ($32) XS – XL
9. Maison Lejaby Nufit Boyshorts ($58) (XS – L)
High Coverage Boyshorts
Depending on precisely what you’ve got going on w/r/t your body and butt size, these boyshorts might cover up your whole damn butt!!!
1. MeUndies Women’s Boyshort Women’s Boyshort ($18) XS – 4XL
2. RicherPoorer Femme Boxer ($26) XS – XL
3. Hanes Premium Women’s Boyfriend Cotton Stretch Boxer Briefs ($17.99) S – 2XL
4. Tommy John Women’s Cool Cotton Boyshort ($24) XS – 2XL
5. DKNY Women’s Cozy Boyfriend Boxer Brief ($19-$21) S – 3XL
6. Zig Zag Minishorts With Optional Compression (for tucking) ($38+) (made to order)
7. Thinx Boyshort (Heavy Absorbency) XXS – 3XL%
8. Third Love Pima Cotton Boyshorts ($15) XS – 3XL
Girl Trunks / Boxer-Briefs for All Bodies
But the fullest coverage of all — a pair of underpants that will encase your entire butt and encircle the tops of your thighs — are boxer-briefs. Boxers for women! For centuries, intrepid lesbians have been scouring mens/boys underwear offerings in search of something that’ll do the trick. In addition to being super comfortable and nixing bunching up or panty lines that divide your buttcheeks on a diagonal plane, this style enables you to safely slip on a banana peel in a dress without letting the whole world know whether or not you wax your bikini line. Over the years, many women’s takes on this men’s classic have come and gone, mostly from Hanes and Calvin Klein, but it’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, and we’ve got plenty of options.
At the top of the pack is, of course, lesbian-owned TomboyX, who sells the exact style of underwear I’ve always dreamed of in a variety of colors and cuts. But they are not the only horse in the race anymore!
1. Hanes Premium Women’s 4-Pack Cotton Mid-Thigh Comfortsoft Waistband with Cotton Mid-Thigh Boxer Briefs $17.99 S – XXL
2. TomboyX Trunks ($25) XS – 4X (Leakproof ($32)
3. Skims Cotton Rib Boxers ($32) XXS – 4XL
4. Stud I Am $18 (S – 3XL)
5. Women’s Buck Naked Performance Boxer Brief Underwear ($22.50) XS – 2XL
6. TomboyX 6″ Fly Boxer-Briefs ($27) – XS – 4XL
7. Fruit of the Loom Women’s Fit for Me 4-Pack Microfiber Slip Short Panties (4 for $12.44) – 9 – 14
8. Girls Will Be Boys Signature Boxer Brief ($18.99) S- 2XL
9. Lucky Skivvies Gender-Neutral Boxer Briefs ($16.99 – $24 each) S – 2XL
Mens / Boys Boxer Briefs for Women
Prior to TomboyX entering my life, I got my underpants from the H&M boys section (size 12-14Y) because they’re completely a men’s style, but were spandexy enough to wear under leggings. Unfortunately H&M appears to be OUT OF STOCK of this item. Other longstanding favorites from the other side of the aisle, like Uniqlo’s seamless boxer-briefs and Target’s Mossimo boxer-briefs, have vanished from the earth. American Apparel had a very popular boxer-brief situation we even printed our own words upon, but apparently under new ownership, quality has degraded, and the new owner’s shop is currently sold out of the item. But we’ve still got American Eagle boxer-briefs, a consistent staple of a masc lesbian wardrobe, remains tried and true!
Some styles of men’s boxer briefs basically count as shorts as long as you never leave the house (which, these days, well). Depending on your between-the-legs situation, you may or may not be looking to avoid a generous penis pocket. I personally eschew boxer-briefs that offer “enhancing” or “sculpting” or even “support,” which means I generally stick to 95%-100% cotton boxer-briefs. Again I tend to loot the boy’s section for these (Fruit of The Loom), but here are some grown-up sized options:
1. Hanes Men’s Boxer Brief with ComfortFlex Waistband ($15.95) S – 2XL Mens
2. American Eagle 3″ Classic Trunk Underwear ($22.46) XS – 3XL Mens
3. Tommy Hilfiger Cotton Boxer-Brief 3-Pack $23.70 (These colors of that style of boxer-brief goes up to size 5XL for $29.63 for two pairs.)
4. Old Navy Soft Washed Built-In Flex Boxer Briefs 3-Pack $19.97 XS – 3XL Mens
5. Calvin Klein Men’s Cotton Stretch Low Rise Trunks (assorted sizes and colors, $19.99 – $64.50) Mens Small – XL
6. American Apparel Men’s Baby Rib Boxer Brief ($14) S – XL
7. Lucky Brand Moto Multi Boxer Briefs $36.50 S – XL Mens
8. H+M 3-pack short boxer shorts ($9.99) XS – 2XL Mens
Funderpants
Who doesn’t love fun? Everybody loves fun, and that’s a fact!
Fun Patterns and Graphics: Trunks and Boxer-Briefs
1. Mens Multi Tropical Leaf Print Trunks 3 Pack ($12.50) XS – XL Mens
2. Tomboyx 4.5″ Cry Freedom Trunks ($25) XS – 4XL
3. Paul Smith Dog Print Low-Rise Boxer Briefs ($30) S – XL Mens
4. Nick Graham Floral Boxer Briefs ($18) 2XL – 3XL Mens
5. MeUndies Women’s Boyshort in Slater ($16.99) XS – 4XL
6. Zine Art Boxer Brief ($14) S – XL
7. DC Batman Boxer Briefs 3-Pack XS – 2XL Boys ($36)
8. AEO Bolt 3″ Flex Trunk Underwear ($11.16) XS – 3XL Mens
Funderpants: Boyshorts Edition
1. MeUndies Cheeky Brief ($18) XS – 4XL
2. MJ Bloom Boyshorts Marijuana Bee Marijuana Flowers ($20) XS – XL
3. Glazed Galaxy Hipster Underwear ($8) XS – 3XL
4. Pool Party Boy Shorts ($20) XS – 4XL
5. Fruit of the Loom Women’s Wonder Woman Boyshort Panty 3 Pack ($13-$14) S – XL
6. Torrid Logo Mint Blue Pups and Stripe Cotton Boyshort Panty ($14.50) M – 6XL
7. Calvin Klein Women’s Ultimate Collection Boyshorts ($12) XS – XL
8. Pact Boyshorts ($12) XS – X
Rainbows!
1. Lucky Skivvies Unicorn Boxer Brief ($24) S – XL unisex
2. Diesel Damien Three-Pack ($42) S – 2XL
3. TomboyX MicroModal Rainbow Waves ($32) XS – 4X
4. MeUndies Color Scale Collection ($16 – $32) XS – 4XL
5. Torrid Purple & Rainbow Pride Heart Seamless Boyshort Panty ($11.55) M – 4XL
6. Levi’s Pride Two-Pack ($34.50) S – XL
7. Calvin Klein Pride Micro Low Rise Trunk ($24) (S-XL)
8. Next Gen Boy Shorts Black Rainbow ($20) XS – 4XL
Okay what are you waiting for, TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!!!!
Top 10 Lesbian Chapsticks for Chapstick Lesbians
Chapstick Lesbians Definition
What’s the meaning of “chapstick lesbian”? We know that “lipstick lesbian” is a thing because we have seen it on the Internet and on The L Word. But the definition of “chapstick lesbian” is harder to nail, but we’re gonna try: “chapstick lesbian” is generally assumed to describe a lesbian who presents somewhere between masculine and feminine, which overlaps with the “tomboy femme” gender presentation. Chapstick lesbians are low-key and practical. Chapstick lesbians don’t wear lipstick unless it’s a very special occasion. The default outfit of a chapstick lesbian is “t-shirt and jeans.” They value comfort and, you guessed it, VALUE.
We are all about chapstick for ever and ever, world without end, amen. Working on the assumption that chapstick lesbians are a thing, here are some chapsticks we have positive feelings about. And they have positive feelings about us. It’s all pretty gay.
1. Classic Cherry Chapstick
OR IS THAT THE BISEXUAL CHAPSTICK? Thanks Katy Perry!
2. Burt’s Bees Beeswax: The Best Chapstick That Rachel Can’t Afford
Burt’s Bees Beeswax has menthol or something in it, which is nice for kissing because it makes the other person’s lips slightly tingly. Just for the record. Burt’s Bees works best for chapstick lesbians who don’t want their lip balm to add any color of shine to their lips, they just want the long-lasting impact of a quality chapstick.
3. Burt’s Bees Honey Lip Balm
This smells a little funny but tastes really sweet when you kiss someone.
4. Blistex Medicated Ointment
Not a chapstick at all, this lip product is for when it’s really cold and windy and you have no intention of making out with anyone within the next half hour and/or ever. Blistex Medicated Ointment is all business, despite the super sweet taste.
5. Blistex Daily Conditioning Treatment
Also not necessarily chapstick, as it comes in a pot. It’s nearly impossible to find Blistex DCT in a reliable way. If you ever see DCT at a drug store, you should buy two, because they won’t be back for another three months and even then they’ll be in an entirely different, nonsensical location, usually just out of reach behind a box of tampons for some reason.
6. Aquaphor Lip Repair Ointment: Pure Medicine for Practical Chapstick Lesbians
Our final entry in the “not actually chapstick” category. It’s cheap and it works on the dryest of lips. Music to a chapstick lesbian’s ears.
7. Bonne Bell Watermelon Lip Smackers
For when you want everyone within a three-foot radius to think you’re enjoying the most delicious piece of watermelon bubblegum on this fine planet, but without the gum. No one can resist the allure of a chapstick lesbian with Watermelon Lip Smackers. No one.
8. Melixir Vegan Lip Butter Trio
God, vegan chapstick lesbians.
9. Carmex Lip Balm
The sweatpants of lip products.
10. Sun Bum Lip Balm SPF 30
For when you’re playing softball and need some SPF. Don’t want any flavor on your lips? Try Banana Boat.
11. C.O. Bigelow Mentha Lip Balm
Usually you have to go to the mall at least once a year, and it’s a heinous experience, and you can’t believe you ever did this voluntarily or with any excitement. There are two things that make mandatory mall stops endurable: Auntie Anne’s pretzels and getting a tube of Bigelow’s mint lip balm from Bath & Body Works. As chapsticks for chapstick lesbians go, this one is a little pricey, and also not chapstick, but well worth it because it’s the only balm that acts as a breath freshener. Other balms are minty, yes, but Bigelow’s is superior in every way.
25 Soft Pants for Loungewearing All Over The House
If you’re spending all your time at home, you might ask yourself —why wear hard pants? There is really no reason to. So here are our suggestions for what to wear instead.
Zamora Jogger Scrub Pants
XXS – 2XL
“About six months ago I started getting ads on Instagram for FIGS, which is actually a company that sells scrubs. But they’re all very cute, and meant to be worn by people who have to wear them for 12 hour shifts so they’re incredibly comfy. Their joggers are the perfect amount of snug and loose, plus they have five perfectly functional pockets.”
—Al(aina), Writer
Orange Sunbi Sweatpant
S – XL
Designers Dae Lim and Mia Park’s super-fun indie Sundae School brand has won praise for creating “the perfect marriage between fashion and cannabis.” These herringbone knit pants are “softer than baby cheeks” with 4 entire pockets!
Tech Sweat 7/8 Zoom Leggings
XS – XL
Lightweight and breathable with an engineered waistband and a back pocket to keep your phone right above your butt, where it belongs.
Robbie Joggers
XS – 2XL
This Black-owned brand “has mastered the art of sexy athleisure, mixing comfy pieces with feminine silhouettes.” These unisex Robbie Joggers come in a million colors and are, bless us all, currently on sale!
Issa Vibe Pants
12 – 20
Choosy is also currently running a site-wide sale with 60% off everything, final sale. So these are like, $15.
Jessie Zeng, Choosy’s 27-year-old CEO, founded this indie brand that picks its designs via instagram-observing Artificial Intelligence and produces limited, affordable pieces. These pants are pretty I want to touch them!
In the Clouds Set
XS-XL
“Here we have a whole freakin’ set in a classic neutral cream. This is great for living in pajamas but appearing as though you might also be doing all of this on purpose — you could easily add a statement earring and put on some lip stain and wow where are you going all dolled up, looking like a vacation snack??? Also, a teenager in Tampa, FL has determined this is “aesthetic. perfection.” and I’m old enough to just believe anything a teen tells me.”
— Laneia, Executive Editor
Contour Power Waist Mid-Rise Straight Leg Pants
XS – 2XL, Short-Long
“These pants are great for a lot of movement (in my case, excessive dancing and hula hooping), and in general I find a lot of Target’s workout clothes to be a more affordable option than a lot of big brand name ones. I’ve been wearing them most days lately.”
— Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Writer
Leslie Pajama Bottom
4XS – 4XL
These buttery soft lounge pants are slightly cropped and feature our favorite accessory: POCKETS.
Signaturesoft Drawstring Pants
XXS – XL
Lou & Grey specializes in soft — you can even sort their pants by FEEL — cozy, airy, plush, toasty, etc. No list of pants would be complete without a nod to their Signaturesoft collection, like these wide-leg pants with slash pockets, manufactured in a HERproject partner factory.
Maj Tricot Pant
XXS – 4X
Lightweight tricot fabric with a slim-slouch fit and “all the pockets you could ever need.” (Fabletics leggings are also a fave of queer influencers like Nicolette Mason and Tess Holiday.)
Midnight High-Rise Pocket Legging
XXS – 6XL, 23 3/4″ inseam – 28.5″ inseam
The Girlfriend Collective is a fave for its well-constructed basics and VERY size inclusive range. Also, these leggings have pockets. LEGGINGS WITH POCKETS.
Elastic Waist Pleated Sweatpants
0 – 14
For making a fashion statement even if it’s just for your dog and your girlfriend you still like a little bit.
Classic Eco-Fleece Sweatpants
XS – XL
“These sweatpants have become my consistent go-to on the chillier days of quarantine but also if I’m being honest… I wore them every day before that too. Even though I burned a small hole in them!”
— Riese, Editor-in-Chief
asos Design Curve Raw Edge Jogger
14 – 28
It’s cheap, it’s cozy, it comes in a variety of sizes and colors: asos!
Out From Under Janie Ribbed Drawstring Jogger Pant
XS – XL
Get a different little feel from these jogger pants made in a soft, ribbed fabric and a relaxed fit through a tapered leg.
PJ Harlow Women’s Jolie Satin Pant
XS – XL
Slightly elegant, perfect for lying out luxuriously on your sofa and drinking a goblet of wine or a cup of mineral water while your house pet or partner or imaginary friend admires all that you are and all you will someday be.
Jerzees Men’s NuBlend Fleece Relaxed Fit Sweatpants
Men’s S – 3XL
If you’re in the mood to spend $11 on sweatpants The Strategist described as “the purest sweatpants around” due to its surprisingly stylish reception, I’ve got great news for you.
Sataya Jumpsuit
S – L
When picking out pants AND a shirt just feels a little extra and you also need pockets to put your phone in when you walk your dog or I guess if you “do yoga,” these are for you.
Women’s Jogger Smoke
S-L
This female-founded company makes sustainable, comfy loungewear in NYC, with fabric sourced from a family-owned mill in California. Bonus: no pilling, shedding or shrinkage with her non-toxic dyes. Speaking of dyes, you can also get ur fave pair tie-dyed!
Sage Green Tie Dye Joggers
12 – 22
Everybody must get tie-dyed! It’s the rule.
Dinosaur Print Long Johns
XS – 4XL
TomboyX is a lesbian-owned company deeply in touch with the fact that you have not outgrown dinosaurs.
Low Crotch Harem Pants
One Size
Thaluta, the small business who makes these pants, is a community of independent designers and artists from Thailand, Nepal and Bali. All their pants are handmade and 10% of each order goes to helping Thailand’s street cats.
Aerie Play Me High-Waisted Legging
XXS – 2XL, 7/8 – 8/8 Length
“I love these Aerie Play leggings because they’re high waisted, come in a 7/8 leg which for me is an 8/8 leg, and ride the line between ‘transparent’ and ‘will not get harassed if I walk the dog in them’ without crossing it. They’re not tight enough to stay in place over long runs or if you tend to shove your phone or keys down the back of any pants that don’t have pockets for a jaunt around the block or whatever (…just me?), but they hold their shape over multiple wears, including after a wear to bed or a day working in contorted positions that I will likely regret late doing yoga.”
–Carolyn, Writer and NSFW consultant
Mid-Rise Wide-Leg Linen-Blend Pull-on Pants
XS – 2XL, Petite – Tall
Suitable for real life, and also for fake life, these are comfortable, versatile and surprisingly soft.
The Trip Sofa Surfer
Men’s S – 2XL
One outlet notes these pants are appropriate for “cruising through airport terminals or living rooms,” while the manafacturer’s website declares they will “keep you looking fresh on the sofa or at the beach.” Also features seam-hand pockets and a button-down back pocket.
Willow Balloon Pants
XS – L
“Gather the fuck around and hear me sing the praises of balloon pants: they are the perfect pant. Roomy, breathable, cute lil’ cinched waste, and, most importantly, a cuffed leg so that all that flowy business doesn’t get tangled around your legs or trapped in a car door (sometimes I just go get in my car and drive around the block ok). Perfect damn pant.”
—Laneia, Executive Editor
Sand Ultimate Pant
XS – 2XL
Lightweight drawstring pants from a lesbian-owned company, built to be “comfy enough to rock all year long.”
Jogger Fit Sweatpant
XS – XL
RicherPoorer is a cult brand known for its comfortable basics and loungewear — the coziest cozies who ever did cozy. These smash hit pants sell out and get restocked regularly.
Pattern Sweatpants for the community
S – XL
Tracee Ellis Ross’ Pattern line of beauty and hair products also sells these classic quintessential heavyweight Champion® reverse weave cotton/poly blend fleece pants. When you buy Pattern products, you’re supporting organizations and programs that empower women and people of color.
Out From Under Jenny Tie-Dye Fleece Jogger Pant
XS – XL
10 Simple Kitchen Items I Invested in Now That I Have to Cook Three Meals a Day
I love eating delicious food. I love complex flavors and meals with depth and variety. Eating is one of my favorite things to do in life, however, I could never really get into cooking. In fact, cooking lands somewhere between a necessity, a chore, and a mystery to me.
Social distancing has changed all this! Being at home means I’m making everything from breakfast (no more croissants and coffee on the go!) to lunch (no more second cup of coffee and second croissant on the go!) to dinner. Hell, even DESSERT has to be made at home.
So I am embracing my kitchen, clumsily and with a little bit of resentment. Here’s a list of ten very basic kitchen items I finally buckled down and bought and DAMN have they made simple kitchen tasks even simpler!
Apple Cutter
Have I mentioned that I’m lazy? I used to be an on-the-go apple eater, but now that I’m home I want apple slices with almond butter every day (literally the best snack-do not argue with me). This item will save you MINUTES.
Vegetable Peeler
Do not – DO NOT – settle for a cheap vegetable peeler. Bad vegetable peelers will make you never want to eat a vegetable! Give yourself a break and get one that actually works.
Potato Masher
So many items on this list, this seemed frivolous to me! Like, just use a fork! But the truth is I’m way behind on any and all exercise and my arm gets tired after mashing for even a few minutes. I’m not trying to work up a sweat here, I’m trying to eat a fucking potato.
Aluminium Foil
Is this the holy grail of kitchen items?! I think it is!!
Spices That Haven’t Gone Bad
Did you know spices go bad? After only like three or four years! That’s not enough time for me! Because I don’t cook! Also I apparently kept all my spices in direct sunlight which I don’t think I’m supposed to do.
A Vitamix
Okay, this one is cheating a little because my partner petty-bought this since their ex stole their last one (shout out to their ex! I hope you’re reading this! Oh my partner and I? We’re doing great and had hot sex this afternoon, thanks for asking!). Every morning, I make a very mediocre smoothie in this Vitamix. Everyone tells me smoothies are easy: frozen fruit, yogurt, and a liquid of some sort but I have YET to make one that actually tastes good. This is my social distancing goal: make a smoothie that doesn’t suck.
Tupperware
This one seems obvious, right? Well apparently not all tupperware is microwavable, something I found out the hard way when I was microwaving honey only for it to leak and immediately solidify all over the microwave and countertop. Related: am I not supposed to microwave honey?
More Than Two Bowls
I live with my partner and they were always on about how we need more than two bowls. Irrational, I thought! There’s only two (2) of us, a bowl for you and a bowl for me! However, a week before social distancing took place I invited a few friends over. I made us soup (from a mix I bought at a local pop-up). I didn’t think the night through and after one friend ate soup out of a measuring cup I finally succumbed to my partner’s wishes and bought us more bowls. And I am admitting, right here for public record, that they were right and having more than two bowls has made our life better.
A Knife Set
I had a similar knife dilemma to my bowl dilemma: I had one knife and that was that! The rest: butter knives. Ends up, butter knives don’t do much and a single knife, if not taken care of, ends up pretty dull after seven years! Invest in your knives, people! Invest time and energy to care for them! Learn from my mistakes!
Bulk Sponges
Sponges are DISGUSTING. Literally so gross. And cooking three meals (and snacks) a day from home? It requires SO MANY DISHES!! I definitely had a breakdown about dishes a week after social distancing started. Anyways, having extra sponges on hand so I can replace a nasty sponge quickly has been a godsend.
BONUS: A Garlic Press
Garlic: not just for the vagina. Everyone in the world adds more garlic than the recipe calls for! It’s a universal truth! Make adding too much garlic a breeze with a garlic press!
Small Queer Businesses To Support During COVID-19
We are not here to suggest that if you’d just shop queer, all will be well. However, if you are someone with a little disposable income to burn, you might as well support queer folks running small businesses! So whether it’s buying online from artists, craftspeople or restauranteurs, attending live workshops or shows, or investing in a gift card, these are some of our team’s favorite queer-owned businesses to support, and their reasons why. This is by no means a complete list, so we suggest checking out our Queer Girl City Guides, this on-going list compiled by Lex and please, please add the small, queer-owned businesses that you love in the comments! Additionally, we know engaging in commerce is at best a stop-gap measure for keeping people afloat, and we have other mutual aid resources for you too.
Clothing + Fashion
Archie
Gigi’s Flair Emporium
Pin queen Gigi makes beautiful, queer, glittery pins for all occasions. My favorites are her Patty And Selma pins (hairy legs and attitude? Yes plz!), The She She Lounge Pin, and 100% That Bitch. Not only is Gigi an awesome person, but many of her pins give back to the community!
KaeLyn
Mirror Mirror
My actual stylist for over a decade and megababe, Bianca Dibello, is selling Take Care of Yo’self self-care kits with all-vegan hair products and fun goodies. Buy one for yourself or to send to your femme bestie. What a delicious way to support a queer salon-owner who can’t be open right now while also supporting self-pampering and staying home!
NewGreyHair
Elijah loving creates adorable teeny tiny miniature aloe plants, tacos, burgers, and grilled cheese tchotchkes to adorn your body, home, or accessories. They also make patches for your tattered jean jacket that say fun things like “eat the rich/stone your landlord/burn all prisons” and donate half to charities that support liberation!
MsHandsome
Black-owned business featuring “bold, proud, unapologetic” stylish hats, tees, and accessories with lines specifically for handsome trans folks and handsome women. What’s not to love? Get yours or one for your boi.
More Options For Your Fashions:
This post on sustainable queer designers
Wildfang
Otherwild
Rebirth Garments
HauteButch
TomboyX
Home + Kitchen Goods
Carolyn
Neon Altar
Neon Altar’s “potent goods for modern witches” include a great selection of tarot cards, crystal pipes, books, cast-iron cauldrons and more.
Bang Bang Crafts
Maybe you need a tiny ceramic quarantine creature friend? Maybe you want to send someone else a tiny ceramic quarantine creature friend and want to also have a card to go with it? Portland-based Bang Bang Crafts, “sophisticated sculpture for the youthful spirit,” has you covered.
I did an interview with Sana Javeri Kadri for my cooking series, The Dyke Kitchen, because her company Diaspora Co. does amazing work decolonizing the spice trade, and, in addition to hawking the most seriously flavorful Indian spices, she makes everything beautiful. Diaspora Co. is also doing really fun live cooking shows on Instagram. So, if you’re at home and banging around the kitchen, practicing for your Chopped appearance with your picked-over assortment of COVID groceries, consider ordering some well-sourced, very tasty spaces.
Food + Restaurants + Alcohol Stuff
KaeLyn
Hedonist Artisan Chocolates (Rochester, NY)
I can’t express to you in words how incredible this chocolate is. It’s a little pricey, but that’s because everything is literally handcrafted and loving packaged. My faves are the ginger pistachio chocolate bark, chocolate covered orange peels, and mini almond toffees, all of which are also vegan! I live around the corner from this place and I often send them as decadent gifts to friends who’ve moved away.
Carolyn
Vinovore LA (Los Angeles, CA)
This partly-queer-woman-owned neighborhood wine shop focuses only on “female winemakers.” When you can go inside, they have descriptive hand-written tasting notes for nearly every bottle and usually a dog or two running around. Now that you can’t, they’re doing curbside pick up orders, no-contact local delivery, and shipping to select states.
Jewel LA (Los Angeles, CA)
Jewel is a plant-based, queer-owned restaurant in Silver Lake. In addition to their usual menu, they currently have produce boxes from Tutti Frutti Farms, pantry stuff like oat milk and nut butter, pizza kits, and more for order and pickup or local delivery.
Wide Eyes Open Palms (Long Beach, CA)
Near Long Beach and dying for a coffee someone else made? Queer-owned Wide Eyes Open Palms is currently open for limited hours Friday through Sunday (call or check their Instagram to make sure). They also offer a few retail items like housemade jam, coffee beans, matcha and chai mixes, chapstick and more.
Kamala
Kismet (Los Angeles, CA)
Kismet is co-owned by queer chef Sarah Hymanson, and I love eating there. It’s where I go to impress people I care about because the jeweled rice with the egg yolk in the middle is one of the most ridiculously delicious things I’ve ever tasted, and the chicken at the rotisserie is fab, but the schmaltzy potatoes undo me, and I don’t even love potatoes as much as some people. They’ve had to close their dine-in space, but are still doing pick-ups and delivery at the rotisserie, which might be the treat that you need on a blue day.
Vanessa
Red Sauce Pizza (Portland, OR)
This was my favorite pizza spot in Portland, long before I started dating the owner, so I promise I’m not being biased when I say it’s the best pizza in town! This queer-owned neighborhood shop serves pizza, salad, sourdough bread, and yummy desserts, and they’ve got their no-contact pick-up service down to a science (they are also still doing delivery). Red Sauce employs a ton of queers, caters to a very queer clientele, and genuinely cares about their community in a way that inspires me. If you’re in Portland and craving pizza during quarantine, Red Sauce is here for you.
If you’re looking for queer-owned restaurants to support through this pandemic that might be more local to you, you can also check out Eat Queer.
Sex Stuff
Archie
Early To Bed
Not only does Early To Bed have a superb selection of sex toys and lube, but they are paying their employees fully while their brick and mortar shop is shut down due to COVID-19. As we all watch independent shops struggle to stay open during this time, we’re also witnessing how rare it is for businesses to be accountable to their employees. So buy some lube goddamn it!
Carolyn
GNAT Glitter Kink
By and for queer femmes, GNAT makes beautiful femme-centric BDSM gear like cuffs, collars, strap-on harnesses and more. Some items are ready to ship, but most are custom, so you can get the perfectly fitted glitter-vinyl harness of your dreams.
Art + Books + Comics
KaeLyn
Archie’s Store
Because you need a signed copy of Greasebats THE BOOK or some real cute, real queer, “bad real bad” tees and pins for your next Zoom hang from your favorite comic. Also, duh.
Category is Books
Super rad indie queer bookstore in Glasgow (UK) that delivers LGBTQIA+ books to your door! They offer a “pay it forward shelf,” too, if you either want to donate towards the shelf or get a free book delivered to you!
Gay Breakfast
All your favorite shows and ships in one place! It’s like you’re shopping at your dream con from your own couch! Seriously cute pins and prints especially if you’re a fan of Steven Universe (and also other non-SU things, but a lot of super cute Steven Universe fan art).
Archie
Pyewacket Books
Selling weird and rare books on a variety of themes–everything from satanism to bondage–this queer antique bookstore in Oakland is worth wading through digitally. Pyewacket Books believes anyone can collect books and aims to be a resource for making book collecting more accessible.
Isabella Rotman
Some folks might remember Isabella’s illustrations from past A-Camps, but her illustrations don’t stop with flag designs. Her This Might Hurt Tarot Deck is absolutely beautiful and she’s got pins, patches and zines as well at her online store. If you did love the flag designs tho, check out her Society6.
Vanessa
Alex Simon
Alex Simon is the glittery unicorn femme artist behind Make Good Choices, a line of ceramic functional art that includes one of a kind pipes, mugs, and more. If you’ve found yourself smoking a lot of weed, drinking a lot of tea, or simply wanting to gaze at something beautiful and shiny and made with a lot of love during the quarantine, Alex’s work might be for you. Check out her Instagram @makegoodchoices for examples of her work (wait until you see her Hitatchi magic wand pipes) and details about upcoming sales.
Life-Improving Services/Classes
KaeLyn
Positive Force Movement
Lore McSpadden-Walker and their crew had to close down their space, so they’re offering a bunch of affordable online exercise classes, training, and coaching to keep us all healthy and thriving during the pandemic. You can even get some friends together and create your own private small group online class! All instructors and classes are fat-accepting, inclusive of folks with disabilities, trans-inclusive, and follow the principles of Health At Every Size!
Archie
Yumi Sakugawa
Artist Yumi Sakugawa is most known for their beautiful books and they’re now sharing their various skills in webinars focused on creativity. Their webinars are great for cultivating a mindful creative practice. There’s a few that are donation-based (experimental drawing, how to meditate).