This $10 Bug Bite Treatment Changed My Life, Helped Me Accept My Mosquito Overlords

This Changed My Life is an ode to the small, seemingly chill purchases bought by Autostraddle writers and editors this year that made our lives infinitely better. Did these items LITERALLY CHANGE OUR LIFE? No, we’re being gay and dramatic. But perhaps a pair of sunglasses really did change your life — who are we to judge?

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I learned the hard way that I am The Person Mosquitos Are Obsessed With when I moved to Florida. You would think I’d always known this about myself, and I suppose thinking back on my life, I’ve always been one to get a mosquito bite here and there on a muggy summer evening. But the mosquito situation in the swamplands of central Florida is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. They. Are. Everywhere. And normally, as a Gemini, I love to be the object of obsession, but not when that obsession is coming from the vampires of the sky!!!!!!!! The best way to make sure you don’t get eaten alive by little flying bugs? Sit next to me, apparently!!!!!!

I will sometimes just be minding my business in my backyard and then find myself covered in giant welts — everything insect-related here in Florida tends to be bigger than anything I’ve encountered elsewhere, whether we’re talking the gargantuan palmetto bugs that shock me to my core with their fortitude every time or the sheer size of mosquito bites. 

I’ve tried everything to curb these attacks. We have bite fighter-fueled tiki torches, including a tabletop version. We have giant five-wick citronella candles. I’ve worn the little coily bug-repellent bracelet things that I think are intended for children. We have bottles and bottles of bug spray, but I can’t seem to find a version that doesn’t feel awful on my skin. Any “natural” or “organic” brands don’t seem to work for me. My favorite spray I’ve found is the Off Smooth & Dry, and I’ll wear it on a particularly mosquito-filled night, but even with it on, they usually find the one tiny place I missed and get me there, so is it really worth the hit to my skin and making all my clothes smell like deet if they’re still gonna bite me anyway?!

Nay, I have come to accept that instead of merely fighting the mosquitos, I must instead accept their power and therefore my fate. And it has all come down to this stupid little piece of plastic called, literally, the Bug Bite Thing. It’s a $10 suction tool that, when used shortly after the bite occurs, provides instant relief by removing the root cause of the irritation. In the case of mosquito bites, this means removing the mosquito saliva, which is what’s actually making you itch. Yes, mosquitos are spitting on you when they suck your blood!!!!!! Kinky little bitches!!!!!

The Bug Bite Thing definitely works best if you catch the bite quickly. I keep mine in the junk drawer near the door to my backyard so I can grab it easily when I know I’m going to be outside for a while. I usually have my fiancé Kristen use it on me for the hard-to-reach spots — hot! (And yes, a product of frequently wearing skirts and dresses is getting bit ON MY ASS. Again, mosquitos are kinky.) I hear they also can work on wasp stings and other insect bites, but I thankfully haven’t had to put that to the test yet.

I’ve used other forms of bug bite relief in the past, like roll-ons and sprays, but they’re messy and can be really drying of skin much like bug spray, and the Bug Bite Thing doesn’t leave anything behind. Plus, I find the sensation satisfying tbh, which provides an even greater distraction from the nuisance of blood-thirsty bugs ruining my life.

I’ll continue to do my preventative things like torches and candles and all citronella everything, but I’ve accepted that I can’t win all my battles against mosquitos. I’ll leave that job to spiders, nature’s heroes for fighting the brave fight against Culicidae.

Spring Edit: You Know What Your Main Bag Needs? A Smaller Bag Inside It

This is Spring Edit, the column in which I help usher you and your home into warmer days — or, if you live in a largely seasonless place as I do — then I am here to merely help supply transitional vibes as one part of the year becomes another part of the year. I gave you some great supplies to get for your next queer picnic, some outdoor decor ideas for under $30, and now I’m here to talk about your bag.

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It’s time to take a good hard look at your bag. The main one. Whether it’s a large purse, a tote, a backpack, a satchel, a crossbody, a fannypack, a briefcase, shoulder bag, a laptop carrier — whatever bag is your Main Bag, we’re going to pick it up and clean it out. The loose receipts gotta go — unless you’re saving them for tax purposes (hello, former career freelancer here), in which case they should be placed in a file or folder with at the very least a date on it. The jangling change, the straw wrappers, the stretched out hair ties. If it’s loose and largely purposeless, it’s gotta go.

Perhaps you operate with more than one bag regularly, in which case you are not given a free pass on this activity! It means you gotta do it with all the bags you use on a regular basis, which I will define as thrice or more a week. Put the contents of your bag(s) back where they actually belong or directly into the trash. Try to start with as clean of a bag(s) slate as possible.

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Now that you’ve got that part out of the way (it was so much easier than you thought it’d be, wasn’t it?!), let’s talk about what should go in your bag and stay there, starting with the lifechanging concept of: bags within bags. Perhaps you’re thinking: Wait, my BAG needs…a bag????? Yes! It does! Perhaps even multiple bags! Bags within bags keep you organized and minimize in-bag messes. Just trust me on this one!

Accidentally getting ink all over the interior of a nice bag I own has happened to me more than I care to admit. It’s an easy problem to avoid, because pencil pouches exist and used to be one of my favorite things to acquire during back-to-school shopping. Nostalgia and function! This one has additional compartments for phones and other small items. Cute pencil pouches can also be used as on-the-go cosmetic bags. But if you need something a little roomier, perhaps to store the sunscreen that should also be in your bag (see below!), then get an actual cosmetic bag that can easily fit multiple items. Chapstick rolling around in the bottom of a bag is almost asking for as much trouble as loose pens! And please do not throw your laptop in a bag without any protection! This purse/tote insert that comes in multiple sizes and finishes, so you can tailor it to your bag. It makes it sooooo much easier to find shit so you’re not digging around in your bag for five minutes just to find your headphones! Tech accessory bags are especially useful for travel. And the benefit of a clear bag is that you can see exactly what’s inside, so it’s a good thing for the important stuff, like keys, an AirPods case, etc.

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And now that your bag has a bag of its own — or several! bags in bags in bags! — let’s talk what else should go in your freshly cleared out bag that’s ready to be the best that it can be. Let’s not pretend it’ll soon be filled with all the bullshit you just cleared out — it’s hard to maintain an organized and pristine bag when it’s something you tote around with you every day. It’s naturally going to acquire the detritus of your everyday life. But hopefully being a little more intentional with what you do carry will help ensure you’re maximizing the function and utility of your bag. Aside from the obvious stuff like your keys, wallet, a mask, etc., below are six items I think should go in your main bag if you have the space!

Sunscreen you can use on your hands, face, neck, and ears is so important to have on you at all times! I’ve gone with the fan favorite Supergoop brand, but only you know what sunscreen works best for you. If you need help, check out in the sunscreen installment of our queer makeup column Put This on Your Face. I bought one of these solar-powered portable chargers last hurricane season, and it’s the best, especially when I don’t know exactly how long I’m going to be away from the house. It also has a built-in mini compass and flashlight. The price point on this one is hard to beat. A mini bottle of hand sanitizer often comes in — sorry for this — handy. But they can also really dry out your hands (even the ones that claim to have a moisturizing element), so I also like to keep hand cream on me. I’m for some reason always forgetting to wear sunglasses, which is a problem as I live in Florida. My fiancé is very concerned for my eyes! But I’ve found I’m much more likely to remember them if I keep them in a cute case that’s in my bag at all times. And the thing about carrying Tide Pens around is that half the time they’re not even for you — they’re for others! Do you know how nice it feels to be the friend who whips out a Tide Pen when someone spills something on themselves?! You get to be the hero!

Go forth with your newly organized, well stocked main bag!

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Spring Edit is a miniseries all about giving your life a little refresh for warmer weather.

Spring Edit: Hot Outdoor Decor for Under $30

Welcome back to Spring Edit! After last week’s picnic gear recs, I’m now here to tell you the things to buy to spruce up your outdoor space! These recommendations are for outdoor spaces of any size and scope! Your backyard! Your sideyard! Your stoop! Your porch! Your fire escape! Your garage! Idk! Wherever you spend time outside! And if you have no outside space at all, these products also make perfect gifts for the friend whose yard you frequent. A lot of outdoor decor gets pricey, so I have tried to stick to a specific price point. All items are $30 or less.

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Suncatchers ($13)

Etsy is a treasure trove of suncatchers, which can be hung from trees or small shepherd hook plant poles.

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Hanging Disco Planter ($16)

Another thing you can hang from shepherd hook poles! Also fwiw, these make cute indoor decor, too. I want to figure out a way to hang one in my kitchen.

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Animal Wind Chimes ($30)

I’M SORRY WHAT THESE ARE SO CUTE!!!

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Terracotta Swirl Planter ($20)

A nice heavy-duty planter in a fun pattern or color does a lot for an outdoor space! Hardware stores and even grocery stores like Publix are also a great place for finding outdoor planters that aren’t going to break the bank! I won’t tell you what plant/tree/etc. to put in it, because it extremely depends on where you live and what your green thumb level is! But my favorite thing in our backyard is our meyer lemon tree.

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Wicker Planter ($30)

If you are lucky enough to have a yard with a pool, this tabletop planter would look SO CUTE in a yard with a pool.

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String Lights ($13)

They’re a classic for a reason! These Target ones are a little more fun than your typical outdoor string lights, coming in light pink or light blue options for a pop of color.

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LED Micro Lights ($15)

For a smaller space like a stoop or fire escape where large string lights won’t work, try some LED battery-operated microlights like these, but just be aware that you might have to move them or cover the battery box if they’re out in the open during inclement weather.

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Glow in the Dark Mushroom Plant Pick ($20)

Ethereal! Moody! Shroomy!

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Hanging Citronella Candle ($26)

I need 75 citronella candles around me at all times, because mosquitos simply love my blood. If you too are mosquito bait, then I must urge you to buy the Bug Bite Thing, which yes is the actual name of this weird little plastic suction tool that provides instant bug bite relief!!!!!

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Very Large Citronella Candle ($30)

So those little colorful hanging ones I linked above are def cute, but if you want a citronella candle that’s really going to get the job done, we’re talking five-wick minimum.

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Outdoor Tabletop Torch ($9)

These are a little more simple than installing full-on tiki torches, and if your space is too small for a fire pit, these provide nice flame vibes without taking up too much space or being a whole production! I found an even cheaper and smaller $5 option for wee outdoor spaces!

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Ceramic Side Table ($28)

This is a very good price for something like this!

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MINNIDIP Splash Pad ($30)

I believe these splash pads from the trendy inflatable kiddie pool company MINNIDIP are advertised as being mainly for babies and dogs, but who says they can’t also be for hot girls? I will very soon be setting up my very own splash pad to post up on with a canned bubbly drink and proving my point.

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Large Ice/Drink Tub ($19)

Always good to have something like this on hand if you do any entertaining in your outdoor space. They’re less cumbersome than a full-size outdoor cooler! And here’s a white oval version if that fits your look better.

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Outdoor Floor Mat ($25)

Sun rug!!! Quite literally brighten up your space. Or how about this cactus reversible rug!

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Outdoor Throw Pillow ($30)

And how about a bright sun pillow to go with that rug!

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Spring Edit is a miniseries all about giving your life a little refresh for warmer weather.

Spring Edit: Must-Have Accessories for Your Next Queer Picnic

Spring has sprung! Here in Florida, the temperatures seemingly went from mid-60s to high-80s over night, and I sure do miss actual spring, but I shall live vicariously through those of you who do experience four distinct seasons with Spring Edit, a miniseries where I’ll recommend things to give your space, life, closet, etc. a refresh. Today, that specifically means picnic gear! As temperatures warm, chill outdoor food and drink hangs with your friends, date(s), chosen family, or just your damn self are possible once more! I’ve rounded up some of the top picnic gear around for the next time you head to a park, hill, beach, or wherehaveyou for a perfect queer picnic.

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Leak-Proof Rubbermaid Food Storage Containers ($18)

Gotta have something airtight to store that food in!

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Picnic Basket Set + Blanket ($60)

Important Disclaimer: I actually believe picnic baskets serve way more of an aesthetic purpose than they do utility. They can’t fit very much food, and they’re not insulated. But if you’re going for a very specific picnic look, then yes, they are cute! This is the best bang for your buck one I found. In addition to the basket itself, it includes a bottle opener, two knives, two spoons, two forks, two plastic wine glasses, two dinner plates, and two salt and pepper shakers — plus a blanket which conveniently attaches with a strap on the side and matches the basket’s lining! I really do think coolers/insulated backpacks are usually the better picnic move, but this is admittedly a very cute picnic basket! And when not in use, it could easily be used as decor in your home.

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Combination Picnic Basket + Table ($54)

Okay, yes, I just railed on picnic baskets, but this one folds out into a mini table! That’s style and function!

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Picnic Backpack ($53)

I staunchly believe picnic backpacks and/or picnic bags are superior to picnic baskets! They usually have an insulation component and are much easier to travel with if you’re walking or biking to your destination. This one is made from waxed canvas so has a slick butch look. It fits two wine bottles and comes with a wood cutting board, a cheese knife, and a corkscrew.

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Puffy Cooler Bag ($58)

Here’s another slightly more simple option. There’s only one compartment, but it’s pretty deep, so you can still fit a lot of food, especially if you’re using stackable storage containers. Combine this with just a tote bag you already own for the dry products like chips, crackers, etc.!

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Insulated Tote ($35)

Here’s an option at a slightly lower price point. For the most affordable insulated bag option, just head to a grocery store and grab a reusable cooler bag. Trader Joe’s has some good ones!

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Reusable Ice Packs ($10)

HOW DARE THESE ICE PACKS BE SO CUTE? But also, if you want something more plain, just go with a large refreezable block-style pack.

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Portable Wine Chiller ($90)

Look, the VINGLACÉ is pricey, but it’s the best portable wine chiller in the game. My fiancé got me one as a gift one year, and we use it all the time in the Florida heat. It fits wine bottles and champagne bottles! It’s lightweight and easy to use.

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Reusable Ice Cubes ($6)

Sure, you can haul an ice bag to the picnic location, but it’s much easier to throw some reusable ice cubes in your cooler! These ones are shaped like pieces of fruit.

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Outdoor Picnic Wine Table ($45)

If wine is a centerpiece of your picnics, then a portable table with slots for a bottle and wine glasses is the move!

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Portable Picnic Table ($50)

Or if you’re just looking for a no-frills foldable table with ample space, try this one, which comes with a carry bag! If you don’t wanna pay a bunch of money for a table, then just using large cutting boards you already own on top of a picnic blanket makes for a perfectly usable surface to set drinks on top of.

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Round Picnic Blanket ($35)

I like that this picnic blanket rolls up for easy carrying, and I like that it’s round!

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Igloo Cooler with Built-In Speaker ($150)

Okay, this is the most splurgey item I’m putting on this list, but it’s so fucking cute, and if you get one, I will be VERY JEALOUS OF YOU!!! Vintage! Cooler! With! Built-in! Speakers!!!!! Instagram keeps trying to bait me with this, and it is so close to working.

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Portable Speaker ($19)

Or, you know, you could just pay a fraction of the price for a portable speaker that’ll get the job done.

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Fringed Umbrella ($42)

This is for the beach picnics! We got an umbrella for the beach last summer, and it was a total gamechanger. It meant we could stay out in the sun longer without having to worry about getting too hot or too much UV exposure. If you don’t wanna bake in the sun while eating, get a cute beach umbrella!

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Cloth Napkins ($10 for a four-pack)

It’s no secret that picnics can be messy, but instead of throwing a paper towel roll in your go-bag, for a more environmental option that also takes up less space, grab some cloth napkins. They’re also cute! Get em in gingham for on-the-nose picnic vibes.

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LED String Lights ($6)

Now we’re really getting into the concept of style over function, but I recently saw a couple having a picnic at dusk, and they had a set of string lights on their blanket just to add a night little sparkly touch. It looked so romantic!

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Throw Pillow ($15)

Perhaps in my twenties I could endlessly sit on the ground, but no more! Grab some cushions for your ass so you’re not thinking about how uncomfortable you are the whole picnic. I also found a cute muted rainbow one. It’d be fun to have a mix!

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Kubb ($50)

Kubb is hands down my favorite lawn game, and if you’re unfamiliar with it, it’s easy to learn and essentially just involves throwing things at other things. It’s more portable than something like cornhole, all the pieces fitting into one carryable bag.

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Spring Edit is a miniseries all about giving your life a little refresh for warmer weather.

17 Things That Glow To Add a Little Light and Kitsch to Your Workspace or Bedside

Late February/early March is a gloomy time — quite literally in a lot of places. And while this is actually technically a very lovely and bright time where I live in Florida (sorry!!!!), I still get it. Any rejuvenation the new year may have brought dwindles. The briefness of February is temporally upsetting regardless of the fact that it is the same every year. What the fuck is even March? MARCH? A month without a clear identity and with seemingly unpredictable weather, no matter where you live.

You know what we could all use as we march into March? Light. Literally. Just things that glow and are a little kitschy and more aesthetic than functional. Dog lamps and fake neon flamingos and whatnot. I’m looking at four things sitting on my desk right now that glow, and it’s like an instant hit of serenity. No, you cannot buy emotional fulfillment, but you can buy literal light. All of the glowing things below would be perfect for a desk or a bedside table (I am an adult, but I still appreciate a soft, subtle “night light”). Or you can get creative and throw them on a bar cart or mantle, wherever you’re in need of some glow and kitsch!

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LED House Diffuser ($32)

I have one of these, and I love that it doubles as a diffuser! You could just add plain water to it for a scentless experience but still get the smokey chimney effect, but I like to add a few drops of essential oils. Lavender relaxes me in particular.

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LED Flamingo Light ($17)

I also own this! Am I just recommending products from my own home! Maybe so! And I’ll have you know my aesthetic was kitsch long before I moved to central Florida!!!!

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Howdy Neon Sign ($129)

Okay, finally, something I do not own but wish I owned!

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Rechargeable Cordless Magic Rainbow Light Bulb ($40)

For when you need to have gay ideas!!!! My literal job is basically to have gay ideas, so maybe I should add this to cart.

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Dog Lamp ($55)

I am physically incapable of walking past any figurine that looks like my dog without at least considering purchasing it.

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Porcelain Kitty Cat Lamp ($30)

And one for my queer cat parents, too!

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Snail Ambient Light ($18)

So small! So cute! If I had one of these, I would immediately start using them as a grounding technique. Like every time I get overwhelmed? Just look at snail!

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Strawberry Lamp ($14)

I do think this would make me want a bowl full of strawberries sprinkled with sugar every time I looked at it, but maybe that’s a good thing.

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Raven Table Lamp ($49)

I do not own this, but my mother does, and she has programmed it to go off at 5 p.m. every day to signal “happy hour.” So even though we don’t have one of our own, my fiancé sometimes says “crow’s on!” at 5 p.m. She actually gave the light to my mother, who collects crow and raven art because she’s basically a Disney villain, as a gift one year.

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Ghost LED Light ($43)

For my haunted gays!

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Sappho Bust ($35)

She’s on-the-nose, and we love that about her.

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Mushroom String Lights ($24)

Oh, ho, ho! I feel like I could write an entire separate list about string lights you should buy. (Should I write an entire separate list about string lights you should buy?)

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Gaymer Neon Light ($137)

I am not a GAYMER myself, but this would be such a cute gift for one!!!!!!

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Color Changing Clam Light ($13)

Aaaaaand we’re back to things I do own. That’s my emotional support clam light!

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Cat On The Moon Led Night Light ($37)

I am convinced I would sleep 10% better if this were on my bedside table.

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Toast Light ($40)

This might even beat the snail for cutest glowing thing on this list!!!!!!!

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Color Changing Crystal Lamp ($55)

This Coffeemaker Changed My Life, Makes Mornings With the Sleepyhead I Love Even Sweeter

This Changed My Life is an ode to the small, seemingly chill purchases bought by Autostraddle writers and editors this year that made our lives infinitely better. Did these items LITERALLY CHANGE OUR LIFE? No, we’re being gay and dramatic. But perhaps a pair of sunglasses really did change your life — who are we to judge?

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In the first month of living in Miami, I tried to convince my girlfriend we should have a coffee station in our bedroom. Her answer, every time, was a firm no.

This delighted me. She so rarely tells me no; I’m spoiled; and what exactly is so opposable about easy access to caffeine! We both work from home and are devout coffee drinkers, usually splitting a pot throughout the day and then accompanying it with an espresso drink or two. My coffee drinking extends into the evening; she usually cuts herself off in the afternoon. We consume a lot of coffee, and we both need it, right away, before we can properly start our days.

It’ll be even harder to get out of bed, near impossible, she insisted. A coffee station in the bedroom would ensure the laziest of lazy mornings, and we were both prone to lazier and lazier mornings.

It was half a year into the pandemic, and we didn’t just both work from home — we were both freelance, too, working on our own hours. It was a luxury, especially in those times. Getting up and walking down the hall into the kitchen to make coffee ensured we would start writing at a reasonable time.

One of the biggest differences when it comes to routine between us is that she’s a night owl and I’m a morning person. I’ve been in relationships where this kind of mismatched Circadian rhythms can be a secret source of a lot of conflict. I unfairly got frustrated with an ex who slept through half the days when on vacations because, at the time, I didn’t understand that just because she wasn’t working late-night shifts on those days didn’t mean her body wasn’t used to its patterns.

I’ve actually never considered myself much of a morning person until I’ve been with people who are defiantly not. Even though I do rely on caffeine to take me to the next level, I automatically wake up energized, refreshed, ready to rumble, if you will¹. I didn’t realize that isn’t the case for…a lot of people. Even if I get very little sleep, I usually have energy in the mornings and crash later in the day.

But my partner and I have found ways to make our Morning Person x Evening Person dynamic work. When we first moved in together, she bought us a fancy espresso machine (a prescient purchase given that the pandemic would start two months later and we’d no longer have access to cafe lattes and cappuccinos). In the mornings, I’d wake before her, roused especially early by a harsh Vegas sunrise that slipped through our tall, slender windows and into our lofted bed. I’d go downstairs and make a couple of extra foamy cappuccinos, hers topped with cinnamon, mine made with oat or coconut milk, in the matching cup and saucer sets we got for cheap at a Vegas Bed Bath & Beyond in January 2020 when we started building our first home together. I’d return to the bed with the coffees in tow, crawl back in, and we’d spend the morning like that, together, before we’d wander downstairs to properly start our days.

I’ve long been a go go go person in the morning, ever since high school when I woke up to upbeat pop or disco music preprogrammed on my iHome alarm clock most mornings. I woke up with limited time to get ready for school, because I knew I could hammer it all out quickly, efficiently, rarely plagued by the sluggishness most teens experience. These slowed down mornings in Vegas were new to me; they were special.

And my girlfriend made small adjustments to accommodate for me, too. At night, when I started to fade while we watched television together — usually a Real Housewives number in those early days of me introducing her to Bravo — she lowered the volume on the television. She let me rest my head in her lap, and she was still, let me sleep, didn’t try to rouse me. It sounds like such a small, obvious thing to do for someone you love, to let them rest. But it struck me. I’ve never slept this easily next to anyone else.

So she didn’t want a coffee station in our bedroom. And I knew her reasons were fair, were different but comparable to my strict rule about no television in the bedroom which, yes, is partially because of sex but mostly because I know it would impact my sleep. If a coffee station would make it even harder for her to face mornings, then of course, I would listen. I liked to bring it up from time to time in jest not because I was wearing her down but because I was, indeed, tickled by her defiance.²

It took us a while — a couple more years, a move to Miami, and then a move to Orlando — to figure out an obvious compromise, a coffee utopia that catered to us both. When our coffeemaker unceremoniously stopped working one day, we shuffled to Target and impulse-purchased a two-in-one standard drip coffeemaker and Keurig. We were less interested in the pod aspect (though it does come in handy for dinner parties when there are only a few post-dinner coffee drinkers like myself and for making coffee cocktails). But we were very interested in the bells and whistles of the coffeemaker half of the contraption, which features a setting that allows you to preprogram the machine to go off at a specific time.

Yes, I know this is not a newfangled coffee capability. Programmable coffeemakers have been around. Neither of us have ever thought to get one. For one, they can be pricey; ours is right around $100. Spending extra money on an espresso maker or other appliances made sense to me, but a drip coffeemaker? Surely one with an automatic shutoff so as not to burn the house down is the only feature you need. Spending more than $30 on a drip coffeemaker? Absurd! Never mind that…it’s something I use literally every single day. Never mind that…I spend way too much money on coffees from cafes. No, I am here to tell you I was wrong. Pricing up for a coffeemaker if you can, especially for a programmable one, is the move — whether you’re a Morning Person or extremely Not.

If what I wanted out of a coffee station was convenience³, the programmable machine provides that. And if what my girlfriend, who recently became my fiancé, wanted was a more streamlined coffee experience and a slow, easy morning routine that still forces her downstairs, this is that, too. She puts the coffee in at night, hits a button, and then in the morning, the brewing begins a good ten minutes before my alarm goes off. When I wake up, the coffee is ready downstairs. I can get my day started solo, and when she wakes up, I can bring her a cup, too. Or if I’m swallowed up by work⁴, she can amble downstairs and pour her own. It’s still warm, our small house is filled with its smell, and the smell of coffee makes waking up a little easier for everyone. We can spend our mornings separate and then together, the coffee readymade for us both. She feeds and walks the dog, our morning routines resume. But there’s one less thing to think about, one small thing that makes both our lives easier and our mornings unhurried.

Morning People and Evening People can coexist, can cohabitate. Circadian rhythms don’t have to be perfectly aligned to find harmony. The coffee can make itself.

1. In case you were wondering, I love morning sex.
2. I’m a bottom.
3. Admittedly, convenience was only part of it…the other part was aesthetic! Imagine one of those stupidass overpriced Smeg machines on a little vintage table! The design opportunities!
4. I have a lot of flexibility in my job here, but gone are the chaotic days of total freelance freedom.

These Earplugs Changed My Life, Help Me Sleep Better Than Ever

This Changed My Life is an ode to the small, seemingly chill purchases bought by Autostraddle writers and editors this year that made our lives infinitely better. Did these items LITERALLY CHANGE OUR LIFE? No, we’re being gay and dramatic. But perhaps a pair of sunglasses really did change your life — who are we to judge?

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Let me illustrate a scene for you. It’s the middle of the night, and I’m under my weighted blanket with two pillows supporting my head. My hair is pushed aside because if it touches my neck while I’m trying to sleep, the feeling of it will cause discomfort throughout my entire body. I ensure that the pajamas I’m wearing are loose fitted and not too stuck on my skin. As I slowly begin to drift to sleep, I hear a noise coming from outside. It’s not the worst sound in the world and wouldn’t necessarily be categorized as a nuisance, but it’s there. Then I hear someone in my apartment walking to the bathroom, followed by the sound of the toilet flushing. Overstimulation takes place where sleep is supposed to be.

“You really need some good sleeping earplugs,” someone once suggested to me. To be honest, I never considered getting any. I’ve tried other methods like melatonin, chamomile tea, gentle yin yoga, not looking at a screen an hour before bed. I’ve also come to accept very little sleep in my life and learned to relatively function well without it. Insomnia has occupied itself in me for most of my life, even during my childhood years.

So, one night at 3 a.m. with drooping eyes, I went on my phone in search for some earbuds. Soon enough, I discovered Loop.

Loop creates high-quality earplugs that filter out much of the noise around you but still allow you to engage in conversation or hear anything that may be important. A large number of customers purchase Loop earplugs because of noise sensitivities from being neurodivergent, having anxiety, or difficulties with focusing. I personally got Loop Quiet, which is made of soft silicone and was particularly designed to be worn comfortably all night. It offers up to 27 dB of noise reduction, and frankly, I don’t understand the exact science behind that metric, but it works pretty damn good. I was SHOOK the first time I put them on because it really does change the noise level of your environment. My dad calls me “Rabbit Ears” because of my ability to hear things from far away. For the first time in my life, I couldn’t hear what was going on from a relatively not-close distance. And it changed everything in the best way possible.

To put them on, all you gotta do is insert it in your ear, turn it, and make sure it doesn’t stick out or appear visible from the front of your face. Each order comes with 4 different sizes of ear tips (which can easily be cleaned with some basic soap and water) and a silicone plug that can easily be removed from your ear once you’re done using it. You also get a neat keychain case for your earplugs to carry and be on the go with. The best part is that you can choose from different colors!! Who doesn’t love when things come in different colors?! I got magic mint, which is a cute blue-green color you can even style and coordinate with the rest of your aesthetic.

I’ll admit, it took me a while to get used to the earplugs. But god it feels amazing for my body to relax and not feel alerted by every sound that comes up. I’m getting more sleep, and I’ve started wearing them casually as I’m doing homework in the library or taking the bus to work. Sometimes, I forget they’re even in my ears. Since wearing them regularly, I’ve also noticed how I feel more grounded. I struggle with emotional regulation, and something that has a huge impact on that is any stimulation that’s happening around me. My Loop Quiet earplugs not only help me at night, but they also make my day-to-day responsibilities more manageable and give me the motivation to tackle them.

Besides Quiet, you can also get Experience, which is geared more towards productivity and attending concerts, or check out Engage, which was curated primarily for social gatherings. After such a positive experience with Quiet, I definitely would love to try the other products. If you’re not sure which type to get, you can take a quiz on Loop’s website and find out which is best for you.

Chloé Hayden, best known for playing Quinni on Heartbreak High and is an autistic disability rights activist, model, author, and celebrity I personally admire so damn much, has collaborated with Loop and has praised the brand many times on her platform. If that doesn’t convince you to exit this article right now and go on Loop’s page to purchase some earplugs, I don’t know what will.

Whether you’re trying to nap, work on an immensely frustrating assignment, or meet a cutie at a loud and bustling dyke bar near you, Loop can bring the noise down and have you more in your element. It’s not a stretch to say it’s one of the best things I purchased in 2022 — or even on of the best things I’ve ever bought period. I think it can benefit everyone, even people who don’t have noise sensitivity.

Silk Pillowcases Changed My Life, Made My Self-Made MILF Dreams Come True

This Changed My Life is an ode to the small, seemingly chill purchases bought by Autostraddle writers and editors this year that made our lives infinitely better. Did these items LITERALLY CHANGE OUR LIFE? No, we’re being gay and dramatic. But perhaps a pair of sunglasses really did change your life — who are we to judge?

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In 2020, I decided it was time for me to adopt the rich mom aesthetic. It’s similar to coastal grandmother, but just a little younger and flashier. Think Biologique Recherche shelfies, or maybe APLs (this was pre-Veja). Very Nicole Kidman in Big Little Lies, or really any mom walking down the street in Park Slope, Brooklyn. And sure, technically I don’t have kids, but maybe I will someday! I just wanted someone on the street to read me as a MILF (which, I don’t know if this counts, but a man at a grocery store once said “Happy Mother’s Day” to me so maybe this is already happening?).

Part of this transformation into rich mom included investing in my bedtime routine, because you know rich moms sleep a full eight hours and look well-rested once they’re up. I wound up buying an eye cream for the first time (it did not work), some melatonin (it actually worked), and most importantly, new linens. Specifically the Brooklinen Mulberry Silk Pillowcase, which I wound up asking for on my birthday/Christmas/holiday list that year.

I had always wanted a silk pillowcase, but considered it an unnecessary luxury. I didn’t see what it would add to my life — I already had several organic cotton pillowcases (all Target, all excellent) that I swapped out regularly. My opinion changed the moment I opened the box that contained the silk pillowcase.

I got my first in the “Celestial” style because I love witchy gay vibes and I thought it’d be fun to sleep on stars. Within the first week of having that pillowcase, I noticed major changes in my skin and hair – so much so that I wound up buying a second one in an emerald shade. It’s safe to say that I am now a silk pillowcase believer!

Since I started using a silk pillowcase, I’ve noticed a dramatic increase in skin hydration; my skin is noticeably plumper when I wake up in the mornings. Silk absorbs less moisture than cotton does, making it a great choice for anyone with dry skin. I’ve also been experiencing fewer breakouts. I’m not totally sure why this is — there isn’t a ton of evidence that silk pillowcases transfer less bacteria onto the skin (as compared to cotton or other fabrics) — but they are less irritating which could be a factor.

My hair is also much smoother after sleeping on silk. I’ve noticed that when I travel and sleep on pillowcases made of other fabrics, I have more flyaways and my hair feels generally drier. I could just travel with a silk pillowcase, but I’m honestly too scared of leaving it behind and not having it once I get home. I sleep super hot, and before silk pillowcases came into my life, I used to flip my pillow over to try and find the cold side. I haven’t done that at all since getting a silk pillowcase. The fabric is cool to the touch and it remains that way all night despite how sweaty I get when I sleep!

For a wider shade range, albeit at a higher price point, you could try Slip — I mean just look at this gorgeous burgundy! Alternatively, you could try Quince. Their silk pillowcase goes for $40, cheaper than both Slip and Brooklinen, and comes with a zip closure to make sure your pillow stays snugly within the pillowcase. Target also sells one ($30)!

The only major downside to the pillowcase has been having to wash it by hand, but honestly, it’s not so bad. They air-dry pretty quickly and the benefits outweigh the cost. If you’re a vegan, I know that silk might not be an option for you (the silk in this pillowcase is a mulberry silkworm byproduct), but you could still get many of the same benefits from a satin pillowcase! Satin is synthetic and as a bonus, machine-washable, though it does feel slightly less luxe.

If you, too, want MILFy vibes without having to have children, I highly, highly recommend a silk pillowcase!

It’s Our Biggest Sale of the Year! Up to 60% Off All Apparel!

This Clothing Rental Service Changed My Life, Now I Don’t Have to Stress My Aesthetic

This Changed My Life is an ode to the small, seemingly chill purchases bought by Autostraddle writers and editors this year that made our lives infinitely better. Did these items LITERALLY CHANGE OUR LIFE? No, we’re being gay and dramatic. But perhaps a pair of sunglasses really did change your life — who are we to judge?

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Something happened the year I turned 27: I started getting wedding invitations. Before that year, I’d gone to a total of 2 weddings that weren’t for my family. That year alone I attended three. I couldn’t bear to buy new outfits for each of them on top of flights, lodging, etc that came along with each celebration, especially knowing that after I was photographed at the wedding (and probably posted to social media), it’d be a long time before I’d want to wear that same outfit to another friend’s wedding (I’m vain! Sue me!). I’d used Rent the Runway for events before, but always found their catalog overwhelmingly huge and often a little too fancy for my taste.

Enter nuuly, a clothing rental service I was aggressively advertised on Instagram. For $88, I could rent 6 new pieces of clothing and keep them for the whole month. This appealed to me initially because it allowed me much more time to plan than Rent the Runway rentals: I could try on SIX pieces (RTR usually allows for 3 in your rental price — one that’s a duplicate of the item you chose but in a different size just in case, and then an additional different item that occasionally costs extra to rent), and I could receive them weeks in advance, so I had plenty of time to figure out a new plan if somehow none of those worked (RTR offers 4 or 8 day rentals).

To be fair, Rent The Runway also has a monthly subscription, but I’ve always felt that RTR’s selection was more ideal for someone who attends a lot of events or works somewhere that requires dressing up, the site is full of stuff of a little higher polish than I need or in my real life (and it’s slightly more expensive than nuuly). nuuly offers clothing that ran the gamut from event wear to denim to sweatshirts, in a pretty large range of styles (from uber trendy to very classic cuts) and sizes (there are filters for petite, straight and plus sizes, with many pieces offering sizing in all three).

As a person who simply cannot settle on one aesthetic in my life or closet, this service has been a godsend. For weddings, yes, where literally every dress I’ve worn has resulted in at least one (though often MANY) comment about me being one of the best-dressed guests, but also for work, for vacations, and for trying out new trends without feeling as guilty about the impact on the environment or my wallet. If I want to lean into a more femme style this month, or if I want to try a bunch of different new jumpsuits, or if I want to test the new trendy style of jeans in a bunch of different washes: these are now all options for me!

Scrolling through the website every month for the week leading up to my next shipment is like the best kind of online shopping, because I can decide who I want to be for the next month of my life, and there is no harm if one or two of the items in my box don’t end up being my favorite. The pieces come in one small duffel mag mailed to you each month, so I get to have a monthly fashion show for myself when I try everything on, and anything that doesn’t fit or I don’t like can just stay in the duffel until the end of my rental period when I pop it back in a UPS box or drop it at a UPS store.

You can mark things to add to your “closet” while scrolling, so I already have fancy dresses set aside for the next time an occasion arises, but also clothes I’ve marked to rent for future concerts or when the weather changes or any other scenario I can imagine needing new and interesting clothes for! When I went to Europe at the beginning of this summer, I built whole looks around the pieces I’d rented from nuuly… and then opted to pay to keep a few of the ones that I’d loved most.

I started a new job this year, and every month I’ve been going into the office, I’ve relied on my nuuly to enhance and supplement my work wardrobe, which is in desperate need of a lift but which I’m always too overwhelmed to actually overhaul! And for the winter months, I rented a bunch of sweaters and long-sleeve shirts to wear in my frigid office and back in my hometown, which I’m always hesitant to actually purchase because it feels impractical to have too many cozy clothes in Los Angeles. Every month feels like a little back to school splurge shopping spree that my grandma used to take me on, but I get to do it over and over again, in a more sustainable and less permanent way.

These Throw Blankets Will Help You Be Your Best Couch Gremlin Self

Even though I live in a place that doesn’t get super cold in the fall/winter, I am always cold. Once the weather dips below 70 degrees, I’m pretty much the queen of layers: thick socks, hoodies, and my ever present throw blanket. I work from home, and I spend an inordinate amount of time sitting on my couch wrapped up in a blanket like some sort of couch gremlin.

If you ask me, there’s no such thing as having too many blankets. Currently we have two throw blankets on our couch, and I’m in the market for another one (or three!) I’m on the hunt for something that checks multiple criteria. The most important thing I need in a throw blanket is coziness. Because I spend so much time wrapped up in blankets on my couch, I want them to be the best possible blanket. It needs to be so good that I never want to unwrap myself from it.

So! I scoured the interwebs to find some blankets that I want to buy and become the couch gremlin I know I can be.

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Ruched Faux Fur Throw Blanket ($25)

I love a soft, furry blanket. This heathered pink blanket would be perfect for a night of watching rom-coms on the couch when the weather drops. It’s also reversible, the other side is faux mink!

Fairisle Eddie Bauer Oversized Ultra Soft Plush Fleece Throw Blanket ($58)

There’s nothing cozier than Fairisle in my humble opinion.

Pavilia Buffalo Plaid Sherpa Blanket Throw Fleece Blanket ($44)

Nothing says cozy quite like sherpa, and this buffalo print gives cuddle up by the fire vibes.

Fairy Garden: Midnight Throw Blanket ($55)

There’s something so whimsical about this blanket; it is perfect for a cozy cuddle.

Georgie Cozy Knitted Throw Blanket ($118)

Looking at this makes me never want to leave the couch ever again.

RACHEL ZOE Faux Fur Leopard Print Throw ($17)

Leopard print isn’t so bad when it’s all in greyscale. And this cozy blanket has big cat vibes.

Festival of Lights Hanukkah Solid Plush Faux Shearling Reverse Throw Blanket ($15)

The Festival of Lights can get a little chilly, and this cute blanket is perfect for any and all Hanukkah celebrations! The other side is fuzzy, which makes it even better!

Loom + Forge Chevron Faux Mink Throw ($60)

Chevron may have had its moment, but this faux mink throw makes it look cozy, not cheugy.

Berkshire Classic Velvety Plush King Blanket ($70)

With many color and size options, this throw is good for sleeping on the couch or covering your bed.

UGG® Avery Hooded Throw Blanket ($30)

This will help you level up to your final form as a cuddly couch gremlin.

Biddeford Microplush Heated Electric Throw ($85)

A heated throw blanket makes for an extra cozy night. Just be careful you don’t accidentally cook yourself.

Woven Checkered Cozy Throw Blanket ($88)

If you’re looking for a cozy blanket that will go beyond the winter, this cozy throw has a checkered pattern that will look good on your couch well into spring.

Cuddl Duds® Sherpa Throw ($50)

As you can see, I really like sherpa. This is just perfect for Netflix and chilling — alone, or with a pal.

Snowflake Printed Plush Christmas Throw Blanket with Faux Shearling Reverse ($15)

This light seasonal throw blanket is super soft and great for draping over the back of the couch so that you can grab it quickly to keep your legs warm when it’s snowing outside.

RACHEL RACHEL ROY Double Sided Faux Fur Throw ($30)

This is so luxe it almost feels like it doesn’t belong on a couch, but it’s perfect for a cozy night.

We’ve Got New Merch and It’s All 20% Off All Weekend Long

A+ Members Get 25% Off Autostraddle Merch — Including All New Designs!

This Bluetooth Receiver Changed My Life, Now I Can Silence the Sports Men in My Home

Welcome to This Changed My Life, an ode to the small, seemingly chill purchases bought by Autostraddle writers and editors this year that made our lives infinitely better. Did these items LITERALLY CHANGE OUR LIFE? No, we’re being gay and dramatic. But perhaps a pair of sunglasses really did change your life — who are we to judge?

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You wanna hear something weird? My wife and I have been together in our home for the past two-and-a-half years, hardly seeing any other human beings because I’m immunocompromised, and we’re still not tired of each other. In fact, we’re somehow even more in love than we were when this pandemic started. We enjoy each other’s company even more than we did before Covid existed. We have a whole entire house; yet, we continue to migrate to the same rooms at the same time, in perpetuity. Mostly that room is our big downstairs open area, which consists of a living room space with a giant TV and all our gaming consoles, and a dining area that we’ve converted into a co-working space. We practically spend all our daylight hours here.

The only struggle we’ve really endured is that we don’t actually watch much of the same things on TV, and our schedules are pretty different so oftentimes when one of us is working, the other of us wants to relax and watch our stories or play our video games. See, I like cartoons and comedies and sci-fi and fantasy and gaudy women-fronted primetime soaps, whereas my wife prefers broody prestige dramas about — what IS Succession about anyway? Intergenerational wealth and bratty adult children? I like my bratty adult children stomping on and off well-lit stages and engaging in secret affairs with the Mommis who put the L in LGBTQ. Also, while my wife watches all my women’s sports with me, I don’t really watch sports played by men like she does — and sometimes those sports are on at the exact same time.

This summer, my life changed forever when I bought a bluetooth transmitter for our teevee! It’s called the 1Mii B06TX Bluetooth 5.2 Transmitter and it was less than $40. That sounds techy, but really it’s just this little box you connect to your TV. Then! You turn on your bluetooth headphones — and, lo! The TV sound goes directly into your earholes and not out of the TV’s soundbar! That means I can watch Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy fall in love over and over, or Luz and Amity fall in love over and over, or Grace and Frankie fall in love over and over — while my wife does her Clio Award-winning film editing just a few feet away. Or, you know, works on her Killing Eve fan fiction. Either way, important work the people demand! The bluetooth transmitter also means one of us can watch our sport on the TV with commentary, while the other one of us watches our sport on our iPad with commentary, and we can sit right beside each other, and hold hands, or lay our heads in each other’s laps. And I never even have to hear a single man’s voice!

The bluetooth transmitter is smaller than a tarot deck, super easy to set up, and helpfully blinks when it’s not connected to headphones and lights up blue when it is connected to headphones. It comes with several different cords you can use to connect it to the TV, depending on what kind of TV you have — or, in our case, which ports aren’t plugged into Nintendos and PlayStations. Also the little antennas are both cute (it looks like a Pokemon tbh) and sturdy. If you have cats who like to walk around on your TV stand and bat at everything that blinks, you don’t even have to worry about it. The antennae bend but don’t break. I have experienced no speech to video delays, no audio interference, and it works equally well across cable, TV apps, and gaming consoles.

The product description boldly claimed that it would DOUBLE MY HAPPINESS. I’m actually already pretty happy, so I can’t say it made me TWICE as happy, but it did make me 100% less likely to hear a man’s disembodied voice in my home, which is as close to magic as you can get in this human realm.

Introducing the A+ Discount Marketplace!

Okay, so, this is exciting! This is the very nascent, brand new version of a space where A+ members can get discounts with partners of Autostraddle! The goal of this marketplace is to support all things independent. By being an A+ member, you are supporting independent queer media and everything we do here. LITERALLY, A+ memberships fund half of our whole budget, and mostly we just use that to pay our queer and trans team! Then, now, as of today, you get cool discounts for supporting indie businesses, especially ones that are indie, that are LGBTQ, women and POC-owned. We are prioritizing indie partners because we know what it’s like to be an indie business and we know that the people in our audience like to shop small.

Thie A+ Discount Marketplace is going to grow in perpuity as we welcome more partners, but for starters, we encourage you to shop with our first 9! Thank you for being an A+ member, and if you haven’t joined yet, there are few better ways to make sure Autostraddle sticks around than by joining A+! Honestly, do you remember those coupon books? It’s like, you buy into the coupon book, you support a good cause, and then you get to enjoy discounts all year? It feels a lot like that! We hope that if you’re an A+ member, that you’ll enjoy and also stay tuned for more cool, indie partners to shop with!

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Current Partners Include:

$10 off orders of $35+ with Aisle

$25 off orders of $125+ with Babeland

10% off with Both& Apparel

20% off with Dovetail Workwear

15% off with Fishwife

15% off with Fly By Jing

$25 off $125 or more with Good Vibes

30% with GWBB

10% Off in NYC with Solid Wiggles

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? VISIT THE MARKETPLACE!!!

Hot Like Summer: A Lingerie Shopping Guide for Fat Femmes

Being fat or plus sized, it can be hard to find clothes that fit your body, let alone sexy lingerie to make you feel beautiful and desired.

I got really into lingerie in 2016 when a vintage lingerie shop opened up in a neighborhood near mine. I was a couple of years out of college and had gained a ton of weight that I had lost back. I was also embarking on a new relationship, and was desperate to feel sexy again. This lingerie shop had beautiful, lacy, and silky babydoll dresses and body suits. I would take dates there and spend money I didn’t have on one-of-a-kind items.

Now, my lingerie shopping has moved online, and as a size 20, I’m slightly outside the range for most vintage, small-batch lingerie shops. But there are a few that make pieces that are either in larger ranges or custom pieces that can be made to your exact measurements.

Finding lingerie that fits your body might seem like its not a big deal, but I firmly believe that everyone deserves to feel good in their bodies, and if feeling good means putting on a velvet teddy, then you should have that option available to you.

Here are a few places to find lingerie for plus-sized femmes, whether you’re looking for classic black or colorful pieces.

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Classic Black Pieces

I wanted to have classic black pieces because they are a staple like a good blazer or a little black dress. The idea that black is slimming doesn’t factor in at all here, but the fact that black is a universally flattering color definitely does. I myself have a few pieces of black lingerie and those are the ones I feel the sexiest in, and I think that’s a universal feeling for many.

Monique Morin Lingerie (Up to Size 4X)

Bully Boy Handmade Lingerie (Up to Size XXL)

JBC Lingerie (Up to Size XXXL & H Cup)

Oh La La Cherie (Up to 4X)

Pink and Red Pieces

Pink and red lingerie just screams “special occasion” to me. Whether you want to wow your partner on Valentine’s Day or you just want to take some hot Instagram pictures, these pink and red pieces will make your skin tone pop, and stand out on their own. Red is definitely sexier but pink has a bit more playfulness to it that can be incredibly attractive as well.

Love, Vera (Up to 4X)

Playful Promises (Up to 44K and 22)

Hey Mavens (Up to 10X)

Skin Tone/Nude Pieces

Nude lingerie pieces in all shades are just indescribably sexy. Look like your wearing nothing at all and show off your body in any of these nude/skin tone colored pieces. These are perfect for photoshoots or just to wear on a day when you want to boost your confidence a bit.

Love, Vera (Up to 4X)

Off the Tongue (Up to 2X With Custom Sizing)

Bully Boy Handmade Lingerie (Up to Size XXL)

Impish Lee (Up to 44J and 30 With Custom Sizing)

NEW MERCH ALERT: Gay Chaos Tanks For This Chaotic Summer!

Five Outfits for Being Hot and Absolutely Unapproachable at the Reunion

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So You Want To Go To The Beach

Hello and welcome back to “So You Want To…”the column where I give you lewks and suggestions for events, vibes, and sometimes even fictional romance characters! Usually I have some sort of bug in my bonnet, some event or style I think it would be fun to shop for, but this month, I am bringing you a selection of items ripped from the headlines of my very own life! I have been on… a lot of vacations this month, mostly the kinds that involve a beach house with a prominently placed hose to rinse your feet of sand. A brag, I know, but consider that I was laid off in May, I get to be a beach going dilettante for a bit!

One thing I have gotten down over these last few weeks is the ideal packing list for trips such as these. You know, the ones where you aren’t really doing anything, just reading a ton of romance novels between dips in the ocean and playing board games while drinking wine at night. It’s the kind of trip that I used to have trouble packing for, because I usually ended up forgetting the stuff I actually wanted. So I am bringing my hard earned knowledge to you! This will mark the first time this column is mostly comprised of things I truly own, not just me wistfully online shopping. Let’s get to it!

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Travel Outfits

Due to my proximity to the glamorous New Jersey shore, my travel outfits have been pretty low key these last few weeks. But as I pack for my… second to last journey of the summer, one that will involve airport travel, I am leaning into my favorite travel outfit: the jumpsuit. It’s one single piece of clothing, so it requires almost no thinking, and I can toss a chambray in my bag for when I undoubtedly get cold on the plane. White Keds (with socks! I cannot abide being barefoot as I head through security!) are the prefect easy on easy off shoe. And if separates are more your thing, the incredibly classic light wash jeans and a black t-shirt is still the perfect casual but pulled together look for say, a quick weekend trip to New York to see Into The Woods.

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Hang Time Outfits

So you’ve made it to the beach, you are coming back from a day of sun and sand, you take a shower (is there any better shower than the post beach shower?) and now it’s time to have dinner, drink some wine and maybe playing a rousing board game. I have been living in these Old Navy cropped tank tops and bike shorts from Aerie. The shorts have a POCKET that fits a phone! Extremely helpful! There is no better time than now for a whimsical pop culture t shirt, and I always have a super basic tank dress for the days when I am too sun drunk (and, let’s be honest, drunk drunk) to put on two pieces of clothing.

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Beach Shoes

Since I covered swimsuits in a previous edition of this column, let’s talk shoes for the beach! Yes, you could commit to the bit and wander down the dunes in your various Docs and Converse, I have seen many a beach queer do just that this summer. But come on, who wants to get the sand out of a sneaker, and who wants to put on a Doc after a day in the sand?

My best friend swears by her Tevas, she’s got some janky former gynmast ankles and finds the sand hard to navigate without some serious support. I know Crocs are THEE shoe for many beach goers, though I tend to find them a little annoying and clunky? I was intrigued to see Addias has updated their classic slides with some fun colors! I have a bit of former swimmer truama when it comes to Adidas pool slides, I feel like I am back a meet and stressed about cutting time. For me, it’s the Birkenstock Arizona, they’re some kind of plastic, waterproof, and come in a ton of fun colors. The ideal beach shoe imo!

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Essentials to Remember

Maybe I am just an airhead, but I have gone to beach so many times and just… forgotten? That it gets cold sometimes? And look, I am a huge proponent of buying a location themed sweatshirt, but sometimes I just wish I had pair of sweats and a hoodie in my bag. I corrected this oversight this year with these loose and breezy joggers and a cropped zip up hoodie from Old Navy, they are both perfect and I love them. The other thing I always wish I had? A ding dang robe! Not only is a robe helpful transitional wear from the shower, but they make pretty decent cover ups!

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A Nice Dinner? Why Not!

There is always one night where no one feels like cooking, and it’s the perfect night to catch the sunset over the bay and chow down on a burger. The beach bar is a funny place, one where you don’t really need to get dressed up per se, but you want to feel slightly more put together. I have not bought this striped button up… yet, but it feels rather likely it will come with me to my final beach trip come August. I do have these Atheta linen pants in not one but two colors, and they are the perfect pants for a slightly dressy restaurant trip. And you are simply never going to go wrong with a black jean or a black maxi dress — you can dress them up or down, they are staples for a reason!

These Queer Handyworkers Want to Make Your Life Easier

While Rent-A-Butch’s website describes the business as “a handyservice by and for queer people,” the company’s Instagram bio drives the point home by declaring “We don’t work for straight people.” It’s not just a catchy tagline, although Rent-A-Butch does sell socks and bumper stickers that feature the message.

S.A. stresses that she and partner Jasper are “dead serious” about the no-heteros policy for their Portland, OR, business. “If a straight person tries to hire us, we will turn them down,” she says. “We do not work for straight people. This is like a total queer-separatist business.”

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Rent-A-Butch (@rent.a.butch)

Rent-A-Butch solely provides moving, cleaning, hauling, landscaping, and other services to queer customers to free them from hiring straight contractors who might make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe. With a target market of one of the country’s largest LGBTQ communities, the business has more demand for their services than they can handle.

The Rent-A-Butch team includes Jasper and S.A. plus two crew members hired as independent contractors, one part time and one full time. S.A. does the scheduling, marketing, and social media and also works from home as a content marketer for a software company. She’s the sole cis person on the team and says, “I am often known as the head femme or boss lady femme.”

The business’s origin story is closely linked to Jasper’s sweet tooth, as they explain. “I [had] a cleaning service — I put an ad in a queer zine that went around Portland [for what I] called ‘Cleans for Treats,’ and I would go clean my friends’ houses, and then they would give me dessert,” they say. “I didn’t even want money. I just wanted homemade cookies.”

“[Jasper has] been helping people move and doing people’s handywork for them for as long as I can remember,” says S.A.. Last year, when Jasper was doing farm work, S.A. encouraged them to start offering their handyperson skills as a paid service.

Jasper was dubious at first. “I was like, ‘What? People won’t actually want to pay for that. This is like, just something I do with friends,’ and she said, ‘No, I think people would actually really benefit from that.’”

The pair started Rent-A-Butch in June of last year, and this April they welcomed the youngest team member, their baby, Wolf, whom they’re raising in a parenting triad. (The third parent also works for the business.) Yes, Wolf’s wardrobe includes at least one Rent-A-Butch onesie.

Half a country away, in Minnesota’s Twin Cities, fellow queer-owned handyperson business The Handy Dyke also launched during the pandemic. Spouses Laura and MJ Leffler work in theater, and the sudden shutdowns of March 2020 cost Laura her freelance jobs and led to MJ’s furlough from Minneapolis’s Guthrie Theater three months later.

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During their unemployment, MJ, who has stage carpentry experience, took on home projects for friends that ranged from a paver patio to a pergola. When the jobs grew beyond what they could accomplish alone, they recruited a few out-of-work theater friends.

By the end of July 2020, MJ says, “Laura and I were like, ‘Okay, well now we have four to five people sort of working for us at a very part-time capacity; why don’t we formalize that into something and see where it goes?’ I think we made one social media post, end of July or early August, and we were just flooded with work until February.”

The business name “The Handy Dyke” was an obvious choice, as that was what MJ had called themselves for years. MJ works in the field and takes the client-facing duties, while Laura handles office operations like purchasing and finances. Because she’s training to be a Master Gardener, she also oversees planting and landscaping jobs.

Like Rent-A-Butch, The Handy Dyke aims to make LGBTQ folks feel comfortable by providing a queer-owned and operated option in a cis-male-dominated, heteronormative space. “We did a job this past winter for a housing collective of queer people living in an old house in St. Paul, and that kind of work is so amazing,” says Laura. “So many… people come to us and are like, ‘I’m trans, my partner is non-binary, and the last time we had a contractor, it was this old white guy; he was terrible to us,’ or that sort of thing.”

While The Handy Dyke focuses on a queer clientele, Laura estimates that at least half of their customers are straight. She says the business’s hetero customers are glad to support a LGBTQ business.

S.A. and Jasper, on the other hand, stress that they have zero interest in serving straight customers who consider themselves allies. “This is not a like pat-on-the-back business for you,” says Jasper. “It’s for gay people to feel comfortable.”

Aside from its mission, The Handy Dyke has evolved as pandemic conditions have eased. With Minneapolis theaters reopened, Laura has found a three-quarter-time position, while MJ has taken on a few theater projects. Many of the couple’s employees have returned to their previous jobs, so the six-person team now consists of MJ, Laura, and one employee.

In addition to downsizing their operations, Laura and MJ are taking a break from July to January because their baby is due in September. MJ says, “The Handy Dyke… will be more hobby for a while, more interspersed in other work. But we don’t want it to fully go away; I would expect that after a while when we’re able to get through having a toddler, we can pick it back up and run with it again.”

The couples behind both businesses encourage queer folks to start similar endeavors. Jasper recommends starting small. “If you have a lawn mower already, and you know how to use it… come up with a cute queer name, market it however you want, and just start there,” they say. “And then when you get a request for something that sounds interesting and cool and… you have some more money to buy another tool, then start offering that service and work your way up.”

For those wary of using an identifiably queer company name, Laura shared one advantage she and MJ have discovered. “Our clientele really self-selects,” she says. “For the most part, everyone we’ve worked with has been really awesome.” (Decidedly not awesome was the woman who “hate-prayed” over MJ while following them around The Home Depot.)

“I want every queer to be able to hire somebody like this,” S.A. says. “We want people to go forth and do this in their cities. We want to see this everywhere.”