This Shit Rules: Moisture For Your Ashy Bits
Welcome to This Shit Rules, wherein members of the Autostraddle team open up to you about the beauty products they couldn’t live without.
probably the least make-up you’ll ever catch me wearing.
Yes, winter is indeed coming, and for most people that means chapped lips and rosy cheeks. For those of us designed for warmer climates, however, it means blasting the heat all night and waking up from night terrors about fire ants attacking your legs (which, for the record, is preferable to waking up with nipples cold enough to cut glass. I have never found a happy medium). My knees look like I’ve been crawling around in the fireplace. My lips are so dry you could peel off a layer and roll a joint in it. I’m itchy as hell y’all, but thankfully, I have an arsenal of products to keep me whet as a whistle.
Vaseline Lip Therapy with Aloe Vera
via anna elisabeth
People have mixed feelings about putting petroleum jelly on their lips, but whatever they do to this lip jelly (that is for whatever reason only available in Europe), is magic. It also comes in plain and rosewater flavors, and I use it under my eyes when I run out of eye cream.
Buy It on Amazon: 0.7 oz, pack of two ($5.08)
Life-flo Pure Almond Oil
via evitamins
For days when your skin feels too small for your face and regular face cream just won’t cut it, organic cold-pressed sweet almond oil should do the trick. Use this oil after washing your face and applying whatever other anti-acne/anti-aging/anti-gravity creams you may want to use. WARNING: Use only ONE DROP. This stuff means business, and by business I mean it will leave an oil slick across your face if you use too much. ONE. SINGULAR. DROP. It goes a long way.
Buy It on Amazon: 16 oz. ($10.46)
Aveeno Skin Relief Moisturizing Lotion
via Aveeno
So normally I just slather on some coconut oil right out of the shower, but this shit really rules. I actually don’t own it. I just steal it from my mom when I’m home. It’s got “soothing oat essence” and shea butter, and a little bit of magic sauce that’ll take the bite out of frostbite.
Buy It on Amazon: Pack of 3 8 oz. bottles ($25.73)
This Shit Rules: A Lazy Person’s Guide To Looking Good
Welcome to This Shit Rules, wherein members of the Autostraddle team open up to you about the beauty products they couldn’t live without.
I’m not much of a beauty maven. I’ve eschewed mascara permanantly after realizing that it’s not worth the effort for my super haphazard short lashes, and I’ve got no clue about BB or CC creams. It’s more likely that an extra 10 minutes in the AM will realistically be spent sleeping, if not figuring out what to wear once I roll out of bed. That’s not to say that I don’t have a slew of products that help a lazy Lyd look as though I put in a smidge of effort, even though I probably didn’t. Shall we?
Hurraw Lip Balm (Any Flavour)
So one product I know a lot about is lip balm. I’ve always been die hard for a good balm (Bubblegum LipSmacker, my first love), and this is my platinum pick. I thought I had it good until I met you, Hurraw. The consistency is smooth, not sticky, and the flavour selection is immense and delectable. Moisturizing enough to only require one or two applications through the day, Hurraw is my trump card of lip balms. It doesn’t hurt that it’s all natural + vegan + raw. I can’t go back! Sorry Bonne Bell.
Buy It on Amazon: .15 oz ($5.75)
Revlon Colourburst Balm Stain in Smitten
What can I say? This crayon lookin’ lipstick stays put for most of the day, smells minty fresh and is the closest I’ve come to a “natural” or “just kissed” (whatever that means) lip color for my deep complexion. Hear, hear, for subtle lip color!
Buy It on Amazon: 0.1 oz ($6.15)
Meow Meow Tweet Bergamot Vetiver Tonic
I snagged this face mist on super clearance, since I’d been in the market for a face tonic. In the winter my face gets weird dry patches, and this elixir has been holding down the moisture now that the temperature has dropped. I usually do a quick spritz before adding moisturizer to the really dry spots. The herb-y scent is a nice bonus!
Buy It on Twisted Lily: 2 oz ($22.00)
Nutiva Organic Virgin Coconut Oil
If you don’t love coconut oil, I’m not sure we can be friends. I was a major skeptic of the widespread coco-love, but after going natural hair wise, this has become my new best friend. It’s the last step in my wash and go routine, as well as my new favourite moisturizer. I’ve run into issue with product irritating my sensitive eyes, but coconut oil is now my go to as a make-up remover, among other multi-tasking properties. It smells so delicious and the tub lasts forever!
Buy It on Amazon: 2 pack of 15oz containers ($19.38)
Shea Moisture Coconut & Hibiscus Curl Enhancing Smoothie
When I decided to chop off my relaxed hair 7 months ago, I had no idea what my natural hair texture would be, or how to take care of it. Luckily, I discovered that Shea Moisture’s Curl Enhancing was made for a natural hair newbie like me. I didn’t know that I was capable of springy spiral curls until I started using this lovely goop. You only need a pinch, so the tub goes a long way! Added plus: I get to smell a tropcal smoothie each morning.
Buy It on Amazon: 12 oz ($14.00)
Vaseline Cocoa Butter Deep Conditioning Body Lotion with Cocoa Butter & Vitamin E
This lotion keeps my skin lookin’ luminous and smellin’ delicious, and I can’t argue with that. It goes on non-sticky and is moisturizing, something that is super important when the temperatures are at their extremes (super hot or super cold).
Buy It on Amazon: 20.3 oz ($4.36)
Atelier Cologne Vanille Insensee Cologne Absolue
My favourite scent is vanilla, but I don’t want to smell like a cookie all the time. This is perhaps the most complex vanilla based scent I’ve sniffed, and I’m sold! It has notes of amber, jasmine and vetiver, which are always on my must-haves when it comes to choosing perfume. Soft, warm and a teensy bit musky (but not in a grandma way). I might just have to spring for the full size once my wee tester runs out!
Buy It on Amazon: 1 oz ($68.00)
Top Ten Products For Human Bloodhounds Who Need Everything To Smell Good
I can smell everything. Seriously, everything. If we’ve spent significant periods of time together, I probably could recognize you by scent. I drove my friends in New York crazy by refusing to enter delis with hot bars and by ordering delivery instead of takeout from the Chinese restaurant around the corner — the smell of hot oil that permeated these places lingered in my hair and clothes for what felt like forever, and therefore entering such establishments pretty much instantly ruined my life. I’m physically incapable of being in the same building as a litter box without wanting to gouge my eyes out with ice cream scoops. My aversion to the way many men smell in the morning probably contributed to me becoming a lesbian. Every minute that passes between the moment I wake up and the moment I shower is a moment of deep discomfort due to the fact that I don’t smell like soap. I knew there was a mouse in the couch before anybody else knew there was a mouse in the couch. I think that eating any kind of meat in an enclosed space (bus station, subway, airplane) is cruelty to animals AND humans (and I’m not even a vegetarian, so). I can’t eat leftovers because anything that smells slightly un-fresh to me makes me nauseous. When I get pregnant I will probably kill somebody for opening a can of tuna fish in a house five blocks down the street.
Being this obsessive requires constant vigilance and a lot of equipment. Here’s how I cope.
1. Febreze
via we know memes
Febreze To Go was actually invented for me by G-d. It’s true, it’s in the bible, look it up. You also will need a big one for home. Febreze never works as well as I want it to, but it’s what we’ve got so I’m working with it.
2. Perfume, Obvs
I was loyal to Tommy Girl until I became more of a woman than a girl and switched over to Burberry Brit. If you’re looking for a new signature scent, we have lots of cologne and perfume recommendations in How to Smell Good 101.
However, you can’t carry full perfume bottles on airplanes or around with you all day, which’s where the travel size perfumes come in. I used to use Juicy Couture Rollerball Eau de Perfum, but it leaked in my bag a lot, which made my bag smell nice but wasn’t great for longevity. However, the rollerball is really discreet, enabling you to dab it on without attracting too much attention. Lately I’ve been using the mini-perfume that came in this Gift Set I got at the American Eagle Outlet.
3. Hand Sanitizer
There are only a few things I can smell on my hands without wanting to chop them off: lotion, soap, grass/dirt, bleach, campfire, sex. I actually don’t give a shit about germs — I find germaphobes get sick way more often than those of us unafraid to get our hands dirty SO TO SPEAK — but I CANNOT ABIDE MY HANDS SMELLING LIKE KETCHUP. This means after eating a thing I’m really upset until I can wash my hands or get my hands on some hand sanitizer or hand sanitizer spray.
Unfortunately, it turns out that hand sanitizer is a top culprit in the game of What Ruins My Manicure, which means I have to apply it like I’m doing a paint-by-number on my palms. I always prefer hand soap, then, but hand soap is very drying, which brings me to…
4. Lightly or Barely Scented Hand Lotion
Heavily scented lotions also tend to be drying, if that’s a problem for you, which ruins the point of LOTIONS, except for Sally Hansen Nails & Cuticles Hand Cream, which has a nice subtle scent and actually moisturizes. If you’re trying to stay away from products that involve chemicals, then I’ve heard very good things about Vegan Skin Care Moisturizing Cream by SW Basics or Dolphin Organics Citrus Lotion.
5. Hair Mist
Hair is like a smell-sponge, so if you work in a restaurant or go out to smoky bars, you’re sort of doomed. The brand I used when I was working doubles back-to-back at the Macaroni Grill isn’t a thing anymore, but there are so many others on the market now!
TRESemme’s Refreshing Mist is simple and affordable.
If you like pink sugary things, you may like Pink Sugar Hair Perfume, Nicki Minaj Pink Friday Hair Mist or Minajesty by Nicki Minaj Hair Mist.
If you’re a lesbian who looks like Justin Bieber — there’s a hair mist for that. Or maybe you have strong Taylor Swift feelings? ‘Cause she’s also got a hair mist.
Or you can try a few different hair fragrances from your pal Frederic Fekkai.
Infamous partier Cat Marnell, formerly of xojane, recommends Narciso Rodriguez For Her Hair Mist.
If you can afford to splurge, two of my favorite scents come in hair mists: Burberry Rhythm Hair Mist and Chanel Allure Tender Hair Mist.
Or if you wanna smell like you just washed your hair even though you definitely did not, CLEAN Original Hair Mist could be the way to go.
6. Candles
IKEA’s TINDRA candles come in like fifty thousand scents and are good quality for the price — usually cheap tea lights are, well… cheap. I also usually have good luck at Dollar Stores getting those candles-in-a-jar, especially seasonal scents. Sometimes people cook bacon in a house and then the house smells like bacon and that’s when you really need to do a full-scented assault on the entire place — candles, Febreezing all the surfaces, etc.
7. Wisps
Wisps are another item I suspect an Angel in Heaven designed for my personal enjoyment. Who doesn’t wish they could constantly brush their teeth on the go? Plus, people always ask about it when they witness me using it, which is a good opportunity to find out if the people you’re talking to are also obsessive tooth-brushers because obsessive tooth-brushers love bonding over their obsession. Also while you’re at it, I love these mini-flossers.
8. Travel Size Toothpaste
Everybody gives me strange looks when I do this but sometimes you don’t have a wisp or time to brush your teeth and rubbing a little bit of toothpaste around your mouth with your tongue and then maybe swallowing it feels okay. DON’T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT.
9. Fragrance Mist
REMEMBER THESE??!!
Before discovering Febreze, I did Febreze-like things with fragrance mists, usually from Bath & Body Works or Victoria’s Secret. These sprays are more subtle and cheaper than perfume and therefore more versatile. Mostly my memories of these products are tightly related to incidents in which I was trying to avoid getting in trouble, like masking the smell of my friend’s cigarette smoke from my car or that time in boarding school that we doused ourselves in Pear Glace and Cucumber Melon on the off-chance that it would mask the scent of vodka on our breath.
10. Flavored Chapstick
Sometimes if I’m in a really unfortunate-smelling situation, I can just slather on some immaturely scented chapstick, cup my hands around my face, and try to completely engulf my senses in the sweet smell of Royal Red Velvet or Cotton Candy. It’s blissful. I mean, it’s no Vik’s Vapo-Rub, but it’s okay.
What do you like to smell with your nose?
Brrr, It’s Cold Out There: 4 Looks to Usher In Sweater Weather
photo from Miranda July for Objects Without Meaning
Well folks, that chilly breeze is undeniable at this point. I’m always resistant to accepting that WINTER IS COMING but the fact of the matter is, I can’t escape it. My remedy for this: a column about winter wardrobe necessities. ‘Cause the freezin’ winds will be a little easier to bear if we’re lookin’ good, right?
My resistance to the chill of winter eventually gives way to the realization that I can wear my trusty sweaters again. A long sleeved, crewneck sweater is an item that is widely available at a variety of price points, prints and textiles, thus rendering it a classic in my books. The downside is they can come across as… hella boring. But fear not! I tracked down for outfits that just might change your view of ye olde crewneck.
Wild For Overalls
photo from Wildfang
More trend-conscious than cowboy, I love this look from Wildfang. I’d never thought to style overalls for fall, but they look stellar with rolled cuffs and lil’ booties. Just the thing for hanging out at the pumpkin patch!
All Black E’erythang
photo from tomboy femme tumblr
This one is an exercise is subtlety. All black doesn’t have to mean all-bland. Masculine and cool, my favourite touch are the bright red kicks!
Tapestries and Tapered Jeans
photos from Lady Moriarty
Using a contrasting collar, a vintage ribbed pullover gets a modern update. The throw over tapestry jacket, little crew socks and a sturdy oxford make this one functional and fancy (just the way I like it).
Skirtin’ The Issue
photo from & Other Stories
Statement necklace? Chelsea boots? Tweedy skirt? You’re ready to rock a crewneck sweater like a Mod-Girl incarnate. Things aren’t quite as groovy these days, but damn, you look good!
So here’s to the humble crewneck, reppin’ for the seemingly modest prep in all of us.
We’re All About It: A High Velocity Love Story Starring My Fancy Vacuum
feature image via shutterstock.com
Welcome to We’re All About It, where we talk about investment-worthy things that are going to make your adult lives 100% more amazing.
Once upon a time, I lived in a college dorm room and my only cleaning supplies were a flimsy plastic handbroom and some mostly-dried-out Clorox wipes. Before that, I lived at home with my parents and didn’t think much about where cleaning supplies came from (the Windex stork?) or how much they cost. Then I moved into my first apartment and was suddenly in charge of buying my own toilet paper and cleaning my own messes. I slowly started acquiring a quite decent arsenal of cleaning tools and products. For the first time ever, I owned a vacuum cleaner.
It’s been over a decade since my first vacuum cleaner and I got together. There have been multiple vacuums since. They always break within a few years. Like chumps, my partner and I just keep replacing them, hoping the next vacuum will be “the one.”
To be fair, our house is like some sort of sadistic vacuum challenge course. We have a long-haired cat that creates massive grey hair tumbleweeds all over our hardwoods and rugs. We also have two bunnies who are free-range in their own bedroom and they are like little furbombs detonating all over the place. If you know one thing about pet bunnies, know this — they shed every f-ing season. So, basically, always all the time every day. They have a big brown rug in their room which turns grey from all the hair within a week. What I’m trying to prove here is that we have a lot of hair in our house, like a lot a lot. Animal-hair-on-everything is a hallmark of queer home decor and queer fashion, but it is not kind to vacuum cleaners.
The never-ending shedding machine.
In 2011, my partner and I got tired of our sucky (See what I did there?) and unfulfilling vacuum relationships and opted for a slightly more expensive pet hair Bissell that ran around $250. It was a sparkly red color and you could make it into a hand vac by popping out the canister. It was very sexy. It came with all these fancy attachments, including a “pet hair brush” that you were supposed to vacuum your pet with. Because dogs and cats love being right up next to a vacuum, being touched by it. Nope. (We did try this attachment out on our fearless bossy bunny and she was totally chill about it.) Anyway, we hoped it would last a long time.
I stand corrected. (via beartales.me)
As you probably guessed, our $250 vacuum cleaner totally crapped out within three years.
When the Bissell vacuum died, we decided it was time to upgrade for real. We did some online research. We googled “bunny hair vacuum” and “long-haired cat vacuum” and “best pet vacuum” and decided that the only option was to go for a Dyson. If you don’t know, Dyson vacuum cleaners are, like, the Cadillac of vacuum cleaners. They are known for their innovative technology. Oh, and also they are astronomically expensive — like $400-$700. We scraped our pennies together — OK, in this case, my partner mostly scraped their pennies together — and went to check out these too-good-to-be-true Dyson vacuums in person. For such a large purchase, it felt like we should eschew online shopping and actually touch the thing before buying it.
Honestly, we were kind of not that impressed just looking at the thing. Dysons are aesthetically pleasing — don’t get me wrong — but they also just kind of look like…vacuum cleaners. In fact, some of them are so thin that we just couldn’t believe they would work. How much better could this Dyson possibly be? After much fretting about whether we were making the worst choice ever, my partner waved fistfuls of cash at the cashier (I lie. It was a debit card.), yelled, “Take my money!!!” and we came home with a lovely new Dyson DC65 Animal. We picked it for its long 35′ cord, slightly more reasonable price point ($500 on sale), and large canister.
Right out of the box, it was a game-changer. My partner slapped it all together in less than 10 minutes and took it for a spin around the living room rug and floors. This vacuum is supposed to perform equally well on hardwoods and carpet, all without touching any dials. It is no joke; it just picks shit up.
My partner was so pleased they took this post-first-time pic and put it on Facebook and I was like, “Wow, you could have staged it somewhere that wasn’t by our trash can and bag pile corner, but whatever. I love you.”
I have never experienced this kind of suction (whomp whomp) and I was kind of freaked out by it at first. Honestly, I was a little afraid I might break it if I touched it — the thing retails for almost $600, OK? When I did finally take our new life partner out for a ride, it was pure magic. Also, it was super gross. It sucked stuff out of our rugs that may have been from the Neolithic era thanks to their trademarked “Radial Root Cyclone™ technology.” It also has these fancy brushes, the “Tangle-free Turbine tool,” that helps get all that gross stuff out without getting tangled up with hair or debris. In a fur-heavy household, this is a big deal. It maneuvers like a champ thanks to the slim head and Dyson Ball that allows you to get into corners without doing a 10-point turn.
Is that your Tangle-free Turbine tool or are you just happy to see me? (via Dyson)
What is most impressive about the Dyson, suction power aside, is how intuitive everything is. The hose attachment slides right up at the touch of a button and the tools pop on and off with the touch of another button. I was cleaning the bunny room this weekend and I felt like I was a special agent or something. I was just like BAM BAM BAM and my magical Dyson attachments were on. And then I was like PEW PEW PEW and the vacuum was reassembled like normal. The bunnies tried to eat the cord and were generally unimpressed by my technique.
The canister is also the easiest thing ever. There’s no special trick to taking it off to empty, which was always a prob with my slightly-less-fancy Bissell. It felt like one of those impossible-to-solve puzzle games getting the Bissell canister off. With the magical unicorn Dyson, you push the red button and it just pops off. You push that same red button again and the bottom drops open to release the contents. The simplicity is a time-saver and it’s so much cleaner. You’re not accidentally spreading the dirt and dust all over again while wrestling with the canister. It’s genius.
We call this vacuum porn. (via Dyson)
We are still at the beginning of this affair, so only time will tell if this love is forever, but I have high hopes. I don’t believe in “the one,” but this Dyson is damn close. With a five year warranty, we figure that we have nothing to lose since that’s what we’d spend on two crappier vacuums anyway. If you have had a Dyson for many years and have an opinion about it, I’d love to hear it!
Price: $499-599
Good for: pet owners, hairy people who shed a lot, lazy cleaners, couples looking to improve their intimacy
A Tomboy Femme’s Dream Come True: Jewelry You’ll Actually Want To Wear
I grew up in a family of very feminine women. My grandmother wears as much bling as possible at all times, day or night. My mother wears jewelry flawlessly, her hoop earrings and hands full of rings fitting into every situation from barbecuing in the backyard to going out to a fancy dinner. My sister prefers matching sets of things to keep it simple – her earrings and necklaces coordinate to pull her entire outfit together in two seconds.
Me? I once made a necklace out of fishing line with plastic lizards and snakes and I also used to wear eight watches at a time. I’m what we call the eccentric one of the family.
Granted, this was for a Halloween costume (I was “Awkward”) but please be impressed with my plastic bugs and reptiles necklace.
Thankfully, I’ve grown up a bit (bug necklace forever) in my taste and style, and as I’ve kind of come into my own as a tomboy femme with short hair, and if there’s one thing to realize with short hair, it’s that every piece of jewelry is three-thousand times more obvious, so less becomes more. Like, way more.
I like to keep it simple when it comes to fashion but also jewelry in particular. I have a personal rule in which I only wear a maximum of two pieces of jewelry at a time and never on touching body parts – if I wear earrings, I do not wear a necklace. If I wear a necklace, I do not wear a bracelet or watch. If I wear a bracelet, I do not wear rings. Make sense? Earrings + rings = good; necklace + rings = good; bracelet + rings = no go. My body feels cluttered easily and this simplification has kept me from being extremely overwhelmed by the femme of it all.
My other rule when I’m picking out jewelry is to make sure I can envision myself wearing said necklace/earrings/ring with a button-down shirt and a more feminine kind of blouse and a white v-neck, because I’m not made of money and jewelry has to translate into many different styles to be worth my money. This keeps my jewelry pretty androgynous, never straying too far from center of center, just like me!
via Jackie Tara
To me, tomboy femme means playing with ideas of presentation, and blurring the lines between what it is to be purely on one side of the feminine to masculine spectrum, and pairing traditionally masculine designs with traditionally feminine designs and having fun with it all. Tomboy femme means I’m more comfortable pairing a casual dress with chucks than heels, and if I’m going to wear heels, I’m most likely pairing them with an androgynous normcore sweater. This isn’t an exact science, because sometimes I wake up and just want to go super femme and curl the fuck out of my hair and sometimes I want to be mistaken for a twelve-year-old boy with breasts (there’s just no hiding these suckers). If jewelry isn’t convenient, why bother?
Here are some of my own tips and ideas for accessorizing with jewelry for all of those cute humans wearing Tomboy Femme shirts out there.
Geometric
Geometric feels like a breath of relief for me. I like the hardness of the lines mixed with the simplicity of the clean lines. Geometric is very androgynous, even in dangly earrings, so you can get away with pairing it with more of your outfits.
Matte Stones
Sometimes I do like a pop of color in my jewelry, though, and my favorite way to incorporate a little color is through matte stones. Shiny Swarovski crystals do not work for me, because they look fussy and out of place on my body. Matte stones (okay, and occasionally druzy stones for a little sparkle because glitter is fun sometimes!) add a new level of interest to your jewelry without being so femme they change your outfit. One of my favorite places to find these pieces is Etsy, and lately I’ve been really feeling Jess Westlake‘s From The Coast shop.
Simple but Unique
My mother and sister rock jewelry because they stick with their own styles — for example, my mom owns probably three hundred pairs of gold hoop earrings. The best thing to developing a jewelry style is to experiment, find something you like and run with it. For me, I like pieces with unique but inherently simple design. Simple is key here: if you’re wearing a big necklace, make that your only piece of jewelry. Because I don’t wear a lot of jewelry at one time, having my jewelry be more of a statement piece feels fresh and exciting, like an addition to my outfit I’ve thought out without having to actually think about.
Thinking of new and fun ways to pair your jewelry with your outfits is the best part of trying it on. Here are a couple of my favorite looks at the moment:
via Karla’s Closet
Tucking that thick gold chain inside the bulky collar of a sweater pulls together a look way better than you’d imagine.
via Solemates
Layering your necklace outside of your button-down collar instantly polishes a look, as well, and downplays a large necklace to be more wearable if you’re not used to wearing statement jewelry.
Most importantly: These aren’t rules. There are no rules. Tomboy femme is its own collage of styles, which gives us the most freedom when it comes to presenting and dressing however we damn well please. Go experiment.
Bra Tips and Picks for Ladies with Huge Racks
WELCOME TO BRA WEEK! This week and next, the Autostraddle writers and some special guests will be giving you the scoop on over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders and otherwise-inclined chest-covering situations — fashion, history, feelings and so much more.
Hi everybody. How are your boobs? I’m here today to talk to you about what to do with your life when your rack is too substantial to fit into “normal” department store sizes. I don’t know about you, but I was already wearing a C cup by age 11, which made middle school an awkward and uncomfortable time for all involved. When you’re already a pretty weird kid, all you really want to do is blend in, but my own body betrayed me. I was cursed with giant tits that failed to deliver anything but purely negative and altogether unwanted attention. By the time I’d reached high school, the girls in my chemistry class were calling me by a whole slew of horrible nicknames, and I was made to feel incredibly self conscious about my body for the rest of my natural life! It felt a lot like this:
All of that changed many years later, when my then-girlfriend’s best friend picked me up and took me to a place called Bratenders in New York City, where I received my first professional fitting and my first bra that actually fit. It was there that I discovered that I was not actually a 36DD but a 32G (hello ladies), that bikinis were a thing I could wear without pairing an ill-fitting XXL top with a M bottom, and that wearing the proper size opened the door to a whole new world of self confidence.
The first tip I can give you is never to go to a Victoria’s Secret or any other chain store at the mall. Your boobs don’t fit into anything they have there, and if they tell you otherwise they are lying. I spent too many years of my life wearing an ill-fitting bra and feeling miserable about my body, and I don’t wish that feeling on anyone, especially you, girl. Your feelings are important to me. The day you try on a size that actually fits you properly is the day your entire worldview and feelings about your body changes forever.
If possible, I would recommend finding a good lingerie shop nearby and getting fitted by a professional, but if that isn’t available, this Reddit thread is full of useful advice. Size is generally pretty subjective, and fits vary across brands and styles, so it’s always best to try things on first. I am only an expert in the bras that fit my particular rack and the racks of those I’m intimately familiar with, so for the purposes of this article I also consulted my good friend Emily White, president and treasurer of the imaginary International Hot Chicks With Large Racks Society.
Before we get into specific styles, there are three major complaints we must address:
+ Strapless bras are just never going to be a thing — I’m sorry. They do exist, but to my knowledge the laws of physics just have not adapted to properly create a bra capable of properly supporting any part of one’s D-or-above-sized body without straps. I have tried for years to find an acceptable solution, but they always make me miserable — they dig into my skin, and never look quite right. If anybody reading this has a better suggestion, I’d love to hear about it.
+ This is never going to be cheap. Unfortunately, most stores don’t tend to carry larger sizes, which means we have to seek coverage out elsewhere, mostly from specialty shops — which ends up being pretty expensive. On average, a quality bra can end up costing between $70-125, which is infinitely frustrating. Highly recommended spots to buy include Freya, Brastop, Jenette Bras, and my personal favorite, Linda the Bra Lady. (Autostraddle also has affiliate accounts at HerRoom, Bigger Bras, Torrid and Lane Bryant, if any of those are your merchants of choice.)
+ Emily wants me to tell you that sports bras are a particular challenge for women of generous proportion. I have no idea because I hate sports (huge rack + jumping jacks = not a pleasant gym class experience), but this moving comfort bra from RoadRunner Sports is a good place to start.
Based off of my favorite online bra-shopping spots, here are a couple of suggestions I’ve found for you and your boobs:
1. Curvy Kate Dreamcatcher Balcony Bra 2. Ultimo The One Josephine Plunge Bra
3. Ooh La La Henna Plunge Balcony Bra 4. Kris Line Pralina Balconette Bra
5. Marvel Black Side Panel Bra 6. Affinitas Parfait Celine Wire Bra
This is just a sample of things I found appealing — you are in no way limited by style or color! There are literally hundreds of options out there.
As for swimwear, here are a few cute suggestions I found while scouring the internet:
1. Curvy Kate Shockwave Halter Bikini Top 2. Cleo Hattie UW Balconnet Bikini Cleo by Panache
3. Curvy Kate Seashell Halterneck Bikini Top 4. Panache Stella U/W Balconnet Bikini Top
5. Wild Side Hot Pink Banded Halter Bikini Top 6. Pier Black Halter Bikini Top
Please feel free to share any tips or other advice you may have in the comments. We’re all in this together.
Fancy Fun Femmes: The Bra Guide
WELCOME TO BRA WEEK! This week and next, the Autostraddle writers and some special guests will be giving you the scoop on over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders and otherwise-inclined chest-covering situations — fashion, history, feelings and so much more.
How To Size Yourself For A Bra
by Robin Roemer
To fit yourself properly for a bra, besides the old trial and error method, you’ll need to measure your bust. If you don’t have a cloth tape measure, just use a strip and then measure that with a yard stick or regular tape measure.
Step 1: Measure your band length. This is length around your chest just under your breasts.
Step 2: Measure across your chest, right in the middle across your nipples.
Step 3: Take the measurement from step one and subtract from step two! This number will determine your cup size.
Use this handy chart to help you find your cup size in inches or centimeters.
Your size will be your band length and your cup size. Voilá! Little known fact. Cup size is not universal. So if your breasts are the same size as someone, but your band size is different, you do not share the same cup size. See this infographic!
This info is important if you ever want to change bra sizes!
A few extra tips!
– You should be able to stick one finger under your strap. Don’t let it be much looser than that since the elastic in bras tends to stretch out over time.
– Lean over when you put your bra on. It’ll help you fall into place a bit easier.
– There should not be any gaps between your breast and the inside of the cup. Your boobs should also not be popping out of your bra.
Photography by Robin Roemer
Where To Buy Something A Little Fancy
by Robin Roemer
My experience in lingerie stems from my years photographing couture lingerie collections, working with a lingerie personal shopper doing private boudoir shoots for her clients and abiding by a strict no-cotton policy. At this point in my life, I feel just as sexy (and a few dollars richer) in cotton boyshorts, but I still appreciate and admire the craftsmanship present in fine lingerie.
So if you want to blow your tax return on something sexy, or have a special gift in mind and a little cash to spend, here are just a few of my favorite lingerie stores!
Photography by Robin Roemer
Left: Agent Provocateur bra / Right: Zana Bayne harness
Journelle
Journelle has several boutiques in NYC, but you can easily shop online! They carry several different brands/designers. One of my favorites, Elle Macpherson’s line of intimates, can be found here and isn’t over the top expensive!
La Perla
La Perla is one of my favorite lingerie brands. You can find their stores all over the world, in several of the largest US cities and online.
Agent Provocateur
Agent Provocateur is couture meets kink. If you prefer leather to lace, but still want a feminine cut, try Agents selection. Find a store near you or shop online!
Kiki de Montparnasse
If you find even the most timid lingerie trashy, Kiki de Montparnasse is refined and sophisticated brand you might want to peep.
Zana Bayne
This isn’t a lingerie brand per se, but if you are looking for fun leather accessories you can wear from day to night, Zana Bayne is a really amazing designer you should check out. The Zana Bayne fashion week show is up now on their website and items can be purchased from the online shop.
My most recent designer obsession is Dani Read.
If these brands are a bit more than you want to spend, you can do what I usually do and check out these collections for inspiration (or just eye candy). Whether you shop thrifty, do it yourself, or drop some serious cash, make sure you check out the materials on your garments before chucking them in a washing machine. It might be worth your while to hand wash your delicates!
Here are some picks from those stores for your collection:
1. Elle MacPherson Artistry Contour Bra ($65) (A-DD). 2. La Perla Renata Demi-Cup ($124) (B-D). 3. L’Agent by Agent Provocateur ($74) (A-DD). 4. Kiki de Montparnasse Ondule Soft Cup Bra ($195) (S-L). 5. Chantelle Mutine Full-Figure Plunge Bra ($78) (D-G). 6. Lascivious Rachel Full Cup Bra ($190) (B-DD).
Where To Buy Something That Looks A Little Fancy
by intern veronica
Brands like Calvin Klein, DKNY and Victoria’s Secret are great if you’re able to make a mid-level investment in your bra. When it comes to lingerie, unfortunately cheaper bras are more likely to break (underwire popping out of the fabric, most often) or fray in the wash, but they’ll do the trick for as long as they hold up! I find H&M and Forever 21 to be great sources of bras that won’t last long but look good trying and Target is also a good place to find good stuff. Especially if you’re looking for hard-to-find sizes, I can’t recommend HerRoom and their search-by-size feature enough, and also Big Girl Bras, which goes from 28A to 58J.
Here are some options for people of all sizes and price ranges!
Black Nights
1. Calvin Klein Underwear Icon Bare Stretch-Satin Underwired Bra ($40) (B-D). 2. ASOS Boudoir Art Nouveau Lace Underwired Bra ($33.87) (B-D). 3. Bluebird Isabella Bralette ($32) (S-L). 4. Jezebel Women’s Ideal Unlined ($32) (B-DD). 5. Xhiliration Perfect T-Shirt Push-Up Plunge Bra ($12.99) (A-D). 6. Torrid Lace Demi Bra ($42.50) (44B-40DDD)
Pretty In Pink / Lady In Red
1. Felina Marielle Full-Busted Bra ($39) (32C – 40DDD). 2. b.tempt’d by Wacoal Full Bloom Underwire bra ($35) (32B-38D). 3. Cleo by Panache Lucy Balconnet Bra ($53) (28D-38J). 4. Under it All Unlined Bra in Grey and Pink ($62.99) (32B-38D). 5. “Scarlette” Lined Lace Bralette ($30). 6. Elle MacPherson Safari Style Stretch-Mesh Balconette Bra ($45) (32A-36DD). 7. Calvin Klein Launch Lace Underwire Bra ($31.99) (32B-38C). 8. Hannah Cotton Lightly Lined Bra ($24.99) (30AA- 38DD)
Bras For Babes With Small Busts
Even Keira Knightley has a hard time finding bras that fit
As a pre-adolescent, I regularly cursed the heavens for damning me to eternal misery by making me flat-chested. It was a ripe source of material for bullies, like Noah at Jewish Day Camp who told me I was a “carpenter’s dream, flat as a board and never been nailed.” Meanwhile, adult females repeatedly insisted that one day I’d be grateful for my small endowment and I was like, YOU ARE WRONG AND NOBODY UNDERSTANDS MY PAIN. When I finally went through puberty about four years after everybody else, my breasts grew, which was great, and I’ve totally nailed a ton of things, so I’m no longer a carpenter’s dream, but I’m also not exactly a bra manufacturer’s dream either.
That being said, the adults were right: I love my breasts now! I think they’re the best, and I’m totally happy to be a proud [whatever size I am on any given year/week/life-stage]. However, bra-buying — that shit is tough. When I was on the pill for about six years, my breasts magically grew and for a while I had a solid 34B and could even wear 34Cs sometimes. Let me tell you: life is sweet for 34Bs. Pretty much whatever I wanted came in my size, which was great, because I’m obsessed with underthings and put more care into picking my undershirt than my shirt, if you know what I’m saying.
I am the kind of person you would assume is an A, but lately I’ve actually found some AAs that fit even better than some of my A-bras. Many people with larger breasts often find that they’ve been wearing the wrong cup size, and the same can be true of small-breasted people too! Keep an open mind when it comes to your size. You know, experiment.
I come to you today with a medium-sized bounty of what I hope will be very useful information, garnered from my own experiences and those of other small-breasted babes. If you’d rather not wear a bra at all, don’t despair; we have a post about that too.
The Basics: American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Crossback Bra ($7). aerie Hannah Multi-Way Lightly Lined Bra ($24.95). Gap Modal Pullover Bra ($14.70)
Small-Breasted Bra-Buying Basics:
+ Although we have the advantage of fitting into a wide variety of basic pullover, sports-bra-style or flat triangle-cut bras, when it comes to bras that come in cup sizes, finding one for really small breasts can be just as hard as it is to find a fit for really large breasts. There’s just a lot less surface area to deal with, which means every detail of cut and form and shape needs to be exactly right to prevent gaps. Eve’s Apple has a great rundown on sizing for small-breasted women if you need help.
+ Several specialty retailers focus entirely on bras for small humans, such as The Little Bra Company, Eve’s Apples and Lula Lu Petite Lingerie. Lula Lu goes as small as 30AA and as large as 38AA and is recommended for women under 5’8 with a dress size between 0 and 8.
+ Frequently recommended brands for ladies with A-cups include Gap Body, aerie, Calvin Klein, Asos Boudoir and Natori. Calvin Klein, Asos Boudoir, aerie and Natori all go to as low as a 30A.
+ If you have a wide frame (38+) and very small breasts (AA), finding underwire bras that fit is an extra-extra-special challenge. Little Women, a boutique in the UK, has bras up to 40AA and so does Flatter Me Bras. Amoena sells really comfortable 100% cotton bras and underwire bras in sizes up to 46AA, but if you don’t plan on inserting padding or prosthesis into the pockets provided, you should probably order a cup size smaller than you usually do. Later in this post I’ll tell you about some hot options for humans rocking a 38A! Also, some of Mey’s tips on bra-buying for trans women could be applicable regardless of your gender identity.
+ It can be really difficult to find an underwire bra in a small size that isn’t excessively padded or lined. But lining has a silver lining in that it prevents “nipping out” and oftentimes that padding can help fill out a shirt or dress. I used to hate padding but now I think of it as a fashion accessory.
+ If you are both small-breasted and small-framed, you can occasionally strike it rich in the little girls’ section or score with petites. But if you’re anything like me (5’10 and broad-shouldered), you’ll likely find the straps too small and the cups too close together.
+ These days I’m more into underwire bras with cups because I like the look better under tight shirts, but still prefer bras like this for when I’m dressing in a more masculine style. Lots of small-breasted ladies are huge fans of pullover bras, bandeaus and flat triangle bras — these are especially good if you’re truly flat-chested or are going for a more streamlined/masculine silhouette. It’s also really easy to find cheap ones!
+ If you find a style you like, buy five of them! It is a truth universally acknowledged that the degree to which you like a certain bra is equal to the likelihood that said bra will get discontinued.
Model Charlotte Carey is a size AA but not in that bra
If You Wanna Rock Your Curves
If you want an underwire bra that provides the same style of support and shaping that larger sizes offer, I have one primary suggestion: aerie by American Eagle. Especially if you’re too tall or wide for petite bras, aerie is your very best friend.
Look, they’ll even show you what a AA bra looks like on a AA lady.
Almost all of aerie’s bra styles are available in sizes going as low as 30AA and they also have a wide variety of convertibles/multi-ways — bras that can be adjusted to become racerbacks (or strapless, sometimes)! It’s super-hard to find a bra that fits, so it helps if the only one that does fit can serve multiple purposes. I have two aerie Hannah lightly-lined multi-way bras and they’re basically all I ever wear. Plus their website is the best.
Here are some fun bras for you. I’ve also indicated below the smallest size carried in each of these options.
1. Odyssey Blue Sunnie Stretch Lightly Lined Bra (32AA) ($39.95). 2. Josette Demi-Cup Bra ($58) (34AAA). 3. aerie Hannah Multi-Way Lightly Lined Bra ($24.95) (30AA). 4. Wear Everywhere Push-Up Bra ($32) (32AAA). 5. Small Is Beautiful Bra. ($58) (32AA). 6. Wacoal Petite Embrace Lace Push-Up Bra ($52) (32AA). 7. ae Mia Vintage Lace Multi-Way Push Up Bra ($25) (32AA). 8. Lulalu Essential T-Shirt Bra ($46) (34AAA).
I wish I had bought ten of this style of Calvin Klein bra before they stopped making them
Underwear Style
Calvin Klein used to sell the cutest triangle bras with a band that looked like the waistband of their underpants back then — like men’s underpants, but in a slightly smaller and more gentle font. Alas, like all good things in the world, these no longer exist. Some pricier brands have picked up the torch.
Base Range Racer-Back Waffle-Knit Cotton Soft-Cup Bra ($55). Sloan & Tate ‘Buckingham’ Bra ($48). Sloan & Tate ‘York’ Bra ($48). Surplice Sweetheart Cotton Bandeau Bra ($7.99).
Tomboy Style
You don’t have to choose between lace/flowers/bows and plain ‘ol black sports bras — there are plenty of styles that manage to be fun without being overly feminine. Here are some!
1. Gap Pullover Bra ($17.46). 2. Fruit of the Loom 3-Pack Cotton Pullover Sportsbra ($11). 3. VPL Insertion Bra ($95). 4. Tie-Dye Layering Bra ($5.80). 5. Calvin Klein Concept Seamless Wire-Free Bra ($20). 6. V-Neck Bralette ($3.80). 7. Tomboy Or Bust ($32). 8. Interlock Bra ($10)
Femme-ish Fun
Here are some options for bras that come in XS-XL rather than bands and cup sizes. Be careful with bralettes and many triangle bras — if you’re not just one minimal weight gain away from an A-cup or in the 32-34 range, you could end up with too much space for non-existent boobs.
1.Steve Madden Reversible Bralette ($16.08) 2.Leanne Lace Racerback Bralette ($32). 3.See You Monday Galaxy Bandeau ($12). 4.American Apparel Loral Print Cotton Spandex Jersey Cross-Back Bra ($16). 5.Sweet Floral Lace Bralette ($6.80). 6.Emma Elegance Lace Bralette ($30). 7.Top Secret Hippie Bralette ($54). 8.Aerie Signature Lace Bandeau ($10).
Big Band, Small Cup
This one’s for all you 38As out there.
1. Timpa Duet Lace Underwire Demi Bra ($36) (32A-38A). 2. Amoena Ruth Soft Cup Bra ($25) (32AA-44AA). 3. The Little Bra Company Nicole Push-Up Demi Petite Bra with Optional Pads. ($60) (30A-38A). 4. Pretty Polly Lingerie Take The Plunge Lace Embroidery Plunge Push-Up Bra. ($44) (32A-38A). 5. Cosabella Sophia Balconette Bra ($90) (32A-38A). 6. Natori Understated Contour Underwire Bra ($64). (32A-38A).
So, my fellow carpenters’ dreams, what are your favorite brands?
So, You’re A Trans Woman Looking For A Bra
WELCOME TO BRA WEEK! This week and next, the Autostraddle writers and some special guests will be giving you the scoop on over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders and otherwise-inclined chest-covering situations — fashion, history, feelings and so much more.
For trans women, buying bras is often a new experience, even if we’re adults. If you transition later in life, you probably won’t have much experience picking out bras and the sizing might be confusing. Since most of us didn’t have the typical girl childhood, we’re kind of jumping in feet first and blind. When you add in other factors that are unique to trans women, picking out the right bra can be an arduous task.
For example, many of us have larger-than-average band sizes and many of us have smaller-than-average cup sizes. Many of us are looking for padding or space to use inserts and many of us are just starting hormones and know we will be changing cup sizes gradually over time. Unfortunately, many of us also have limited financial resources. If you’re new to hormones, I recommend getting more affordable bras for now and then reassessing your bra needs later in your transition.
Obviously, not all (or maybe not any) of these will be problems for all trans women. We come in all different shapes and sizes and body types! But I’ve got some tips that I hope will be helpful.
You probably won’t have this much fun via Village Voice
I recently went in for my first ever bra-fitting. I’d suggest going to a store that you’re familiar with or at least that you know will be trans-friendly and/or bringing a friend who can soothe your nerves. But if you can do it and you feel comfortable, I think it’s definitely worth your time. I wish I’d done it years ago. As a trans woman who didn’t start transitioning until after college, there were a lot of factors that went in to a number of regrettable bra purchases I’ve made over the years: smaller-than-average cup size, larger-than-average band size and lacking a decade or so of bra-buying experience.
Honestly, getting fitted was a little scary, and I know it’s not something all trans women will feel safe doing — if you think it’d be dangerous and don’t feel like there are any nearby stores where you won’t be misgendered or mistreated, then definitely put your mental health and safety ahead of getting a bra fitting.
I told the bra-fitter that I’m a trans woman who would be experiencing some breast growth in the coming months/years. She was super polite and helpful about everything. I found out that I was wearing the wrong bra size (one band size too small) and the woman working there also gave me some extremely helpful tips. She suggested that one thing that would be helpful would be to look for bras that have side panelling, because it guides the breast tissue forward. And believe me, if you don’t have a ton in the first place, making sure it’s all in the right place is definitely a good thing. Also, she told me that if I’m looking for a bra in my size (44C) and they don’t have it, a 42D will almost always fit the same.
Cushion Comfort Balconette Bra ($38.50-$48.50), Smart & Sexy Plunge Push Up Two Pack ($20), Gilligan & O’Malley Women’s Favorite Lightly Lined Demi Bra ($9.98-$19.99), Smart & Sexy Extremely Sexy Extreme Pushup Bra ($15)
When it comes to actually buying bras, Lane Bryant has a ton of plus size bras for trans ladies who have larger band sizes. One bra I’d suggest is the Cushion Comfort Balconette Bra. Another good choice is the Gilligan & O’Malley Women’s Favorite Lightly Lined Demi Bra, available at Target, which is not only cute, but also has enough padding to make a difference, but not feel like you’re stuffing your bra. A more price friendly option is the Smart & Sexy Plunge Push-Up Bra, which sells at Walmart and on Amazon in two packs for under $20. This is another bra that has some padding, but also feels natural. You might want to also check out the Smart & Sexy Extremely Sexy Extreme Pushup Bra (also available from Walmart or Amazon). So to sum up, these are a couple of different bras that each have some padding, but don’t look fake, are comfortable and won’t break the bank.
I also talked to some of my trans friends, with a variety of body types and bra preferences, to see what kind of bras are their favorites and why.
NuBra ($42-$49.99)
Aly has several options, depending on whether you’re looking for push-up bras or not. “I really love Gilligan & O’Malley and Forever 21 for push up bras. Frederick’s of Hollywood for non-push up bras. I use them with (for now) the NuBra as breast forms. I used to wear an A cup and B cup NuBra, one atop the other, and then the bra. You can hide the edge with makeup and presto- cleavage if you want it.”
Sensational Push-Up Bra ($34), Lily Of France Soiree Extreme Ego Boost Tailored Bra ($21.61-$34)
Askari has advice for trans women who want to make their flat chests more full. “I bought two black super push up bras from Lily of France (brand carried at Kohls) during a buy one get one half off sale (still expensive at $50). They carried roughly my size of 36 A and when both bras are worn together, they give my mostly flat/non-hormone enhanced chest a huuuge push to look like a full A cup. Soft, simple, and seductive.”
Push Up Demi Bra ($36), Cotton Demi Bra ($28), Cushion Comfort Demi Bra ($38.50-$52)
Lexi often has a hard time finding good bras at department stores, but still has a favorite. “So I’m a 44B, which is not an easy size to find in most department stores when shopping for a good bra. On top of that I have a good amount of boobage that needs to be picked up. The Black Demi by Cacique has grown to be comfortable and one of my go-tos for casual to formal events.”
Or if you want to go a more simple route, you could follow Teagan Widmer’s advice when she wrote about the problems she and many other trans women had with Chrysalis, a brand of lingerie designed for trans women and just, “go to your nearest Target. Buy a two pack of push-up bras ($24 for 2), and Target’s bra inserts ($12).”
Finding the right bra not only can help you feel more comfortable and make your outfits look better, but it can also help aleviate some of the dysphoria that you might be experiencing. Although it can seem intimidating at first, finding the perfect bra for you is ultimately a great feeling.
Header by Rory Midhani
A Tomboy Femme’s Dream Come True: Comfortable, No Frills, Badass Sexy Lingerie
WELCOME TO BRA WEEK! This week and next, the Autostraddle writers and some special guests will be giving you the scoop on over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders and otherwise-inclined chest-covering situations — fashion, history, feelings and so much more.
I am a huge fan of super cute lingerie. Despite my kinda basic and boring leanings in the underwear department, I love to wear pretty bras. Perhaps this is because I have been rocking them all day every day since third grade. THIRD GRADE, people. When did they stop growing? You know, I’m not entirely convinced they have stopped, to be honest.
Certain factors play into my relationship with lingerie, however. I don’t like those giant lacy contraptions that look like they are meant for a misogynist porn scene or something I’d find in my mother’s underwear drawer. I mostly wear lingerie for myself, because I’m into secret self-care like that, but I definitely want my partner to appreciate what I’ve got going on as well when she’s lucky enough to see it. I’m also embracing my tomboy/blue jean/lazy femme realness more and more each day. This means if I’m going to spend monies on something, it better be perfect for all of my skipping and hopping around the gender presentation spectrum. Can I wear it under a t-shirt? Can I wear it under a dress? Can I wear it with hiking boots? Okay, so the answer to that last one is most likely no, although I’m sure we could find a way to begin making hiking boots with lingerie akin to wearing stilettos with lingerie (that’s maybe the queerest sentence I’ve ever written).
Here are some types of bras I’m especially into right now.
Straps on straps on straps
1. LouLou Bustier Bra (from Nasty Gal) / 2. Strappy Back Bra (from Free People) / 3. Lux Underwire Bra (from Lonely Hearts) / 4. Hotwire Bra (from Nasty Gal)
These strappy bras are not super feminine but still detailed and purposeful, making them basically a tomboy femme’s dream. Let’s all agree that these bras are so damn hot. They’re badass sexy. Sexy badass. These strappy bras are meant to be shown off. In fact, when I saw Emily’s bra (which I’m pretty sure is a Marlies Dekker’s bra) in a recent Pretty Little Liars episode, I was so smitten by it showing that I couldn’t stare at anything else. Can you blame me?
I’m sorry is there even a show going on here? I’m too distracted.
I love the idea of them peeking out from under a shirt. What a great detail to any outfit without being too blatant. And for the record, they also just look amazing without a shirt, so.
Sheer is the new lace
1. Goddess: Keira Banded Satin Bra (from Bare Necessities) / 2. b.tempt’d by Wacoal: Sheer Delight T-Shirt Bra (from Bare Necessities) / 3. Soft Satin Bra (from Topshop) / 4. Only Hearts Whisper Bralette (from HerRoom) / 5. Cosabella New Soire Push Up Bra (from HerRoom)
Lace is so overrated. For a hint of what’s beneath the fabric, cut right to the chase and show it with a little see-through panel of sheer fabric. I like it in small amounts to hint at what you’ve got going on. It’s gorgeous when it’s in a matching color, but it also looks great with a coordinating color, like in that sky blue and white little number up there. Simple and sublime, it’s just the right amount of seductive without just being naked.
Let’s be comfortable AND sultry
1. Zinkie: Lillie Bralet (from Journelle) / 2. Chevron Bra (from Light Years) / 3. Blake Bralet (from Zinkie) / 4. Sparkly Soft Bra (from Topshop) / 5. Facet Bra (from Light Years)
Wait, you mean we don’t have to sacrifice our firstborn child to the gods to have comfortable AND sexy lingerie? I love the simplicity of all of the comfortable bras. The beauty is in the details. The purposeful details of a front closure (no, seriously, let’s all take a moment to appreciate number three), a tiny hint of detailed edging, and just straight up sparkles are so charming and keep these bras from being ordinary. They look like you could wear them under your favorite vintage tee and then surprise even yourself with how hot you look once that tee comes off. I won’t judge you if you feel the need to peek down the front of your shirt and marvel at how good these bras look and feel.
Header by Rory Midhani
Binding 101: Brands, Care Tips, and Health
WELCOME TO BRA WEEK! This week and next, the Autostraddle writers and some special guests will be giving you the scoop on over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders and otherwise-inclined chest-covering situations — fashion, history, feelings and so much more.
By Sonny Oram
Welcome to Binding 101! Whether you are considering binding for yourself, have been binding for years but want to learn more about binder brands and health, or want to prepare to support your friends and loved ones, you’ve come to the right place. I’m going to include my own experiences with binding as well as a crowdsource of favorite brands, care tips, and health advice.
What is Breast Binding?
Breast Binding is the practice of using a tight undergarment to flatten your chest. People may bind if they have body dysphoria, if they like wearing men’s clothing and want it to fit better, if they are performing drag, if they want to pass as male, or for other reasons. People with all sorts of identities bind.
Here’s Qwear writer Bing demonstrating how binding helps her clothes fit better.
Ways not to bind:
- Duct tape/ packing tape/ any kind of tape
- Ace bandages (get it together, Amanda Bynes!)
It’s generally good to stay away from these practices because it can cause scarring to your skin, hurt your mobility, and can be the cause of fluid build-up in lungs or even broken ribs. Ace bandages actually get tighter every time they stretch (i.e. when you breath) and breathing is important, guys. Ace bandages can also easily come loose and have to be redone, and don’t hide very well under thin clothes.
If you end up using these methods once in a while — for a performance, for example — you’ll probably be fine. But if you are planning on binding more often, I recommend obtaining a real binder.
Brands
Try a few of the brands I’m about to recommend, as everyone’s body is different, and it can take time to find the right binder for you. Some people are sensitive to different types of materials, for example, if you find one brand itchy, another brand might be just fine. If you can, try borrowing one from a friend to try it on before you buy it.
Binders will be a little tighter at first, and stretch out after you wear them for a few days. When you try it on, it should feel tight, but not so tight that you can’t breathe. Try a few different shirts on over it to see whether you like the look of it, and take notes of how the seams show. You may also find that you prefer one brand for working out, and another brand for maximum flatness during the day.
Sports bras:
Wearing flattening sports bras is a form of binding. In the long term they are safer for your lungs and ribs, but they won’t flatten as much as a real binder. Since I happen to have BINDERS OF QUEERS at my fingertips over at Qwear, I asked them which sports bras are the most effective at flattening your chest. People like:
- Under Armour Endure Sports Bra
- Champion Powersleek Sports Bra (Has a clasp so you can get a smaller size without having to pull it over your head)
- Fila Sport Seamless Performance Sports Bra (Will provide a smooth look under your shirt.)
Comment below with more brands you like.
Binder Brands:
There are several websites that sell binders intended to create as flat a look as possible. I’ve surveyed the queers, and their favorites are:
Les Love Boat: A shop based in Taiwan with many pullover, zipper, and velcro binders. They offer discreet packaging as well. They also make special binders for swimming, which absorb less chlorine! Queers across the board responded that Les Love Boat are superior in comfort to other binder brands and easier to put on and take off, but also noted that they don’t flatten as well as others. People especially recommend the High Performance Binder, and Air Max.
T-Kingdom: Another company based in Taiwan that ships across the world in only 10-15 days and carries a wide variety of compression tops. Most people gave positive reviews and like the 801. It fits smaller people with A or B cups best.
Oh look, there I am with LK Weiss of Jack Tar 207 wearing my Underworks Tri-tops binder under a tee, and you can hardly tell it’s there!
Underworks: Based out of Miami and carries reshaping undergarments, with a large section devoted to breast binders. People (including myself) prefer their Tri-top binder, noting that the full body binder bunches up too easily. They also carry a few binding swim suits. Unfortunately, shipping internationally with Underworks gets expensive. Reviews report that Underworks binders bind really well but are the less comfortable of the brands, and harder to get on and off. Some people report back and skin issues with them. People with larger chests complain that it can be quite painful, even causing the need for painkillers.
Lesbian Tomboy T-Shirt Undershirt Slim Fit Chest Binder Vest Tops Tank M-XL
Tank Top Binders from Ebay: Many people mentioned tank top binders from Ebay to me for the first time. They are quite afforable ($8.99 + shipping) and they look excellent to be worn just as a tank top in the summer time. They also come in fun colors, with contrast sleeve rings. Qwear writer Courtney Stirn notes of her Tank Top Binder: “It’s honestly more comfortable than a sports bra. There isn’t any elastic and it’s very easy to get into (and out of) compared to my friends’ Underworks stuff. The only issue I’ve found with it is that the fabric doesn’t breathe as much as traditional athletic fabrics. It seems like it might ride up on some folks (because of the lack of elastic) but that hasn’t been a problem for me. It does seem to ride just a bit when I’m being more active or when it’s been worn repeatedly and getting more stretched out, but nothing major or uncomfortable. I’ve worn it for entire days, multiple in a row with no pain or strain and honestly I feel like I could sleep in it if I wanted.”
Binder Care
Most binders are made of elastic materials that can easily wear down if washed in hot water and put in the drier.
However, it’s still important to wash your binders regularly, especially in the warmer months, to get rid of all the sweat, germs, and oil that can transfer onto it from your skin. This will lessen the risk of rashes and itchiness.
Every binder website I listed includes washing and care details specific to their binders. But, this is generally what you can do:
You can either wash your binder on a delicates or gentle cycle, in cold or warm water with materials of similar weight. If your binder has clasps, close the clasps to prevent them from catching on other things.
Or you can handwash your binder in the sink with a little detergent and warm water. Rinse it thoroughly to make you sure get out all the soap, and then hang it to dry.
Hanging your binder is generally better than putting it in a drawer because it helps maintain its shape.
(Many thanks to Guest Blogger, Logan for sharing much of this information with me in Intro To Binding: Health, Brands, And Care Tips via Qwearfashion.com)
Binding Health
Physical Health
We often talk about the health risks in involved with binding, but we don’t always address the significant improvement it can have for our mental health, and thus our overall health. It would be irresponsible of me not to tell you that:
- Binding is not recommended during exercise, and a sports bra will provide easier breathing/ prevent lightheadedness
- Binding is not recommended at night, and you aren’t supposed to bind more than 10 hours a day
- Binding consistently for years at a time can cause damage to your skin and ribs
Though I personally am aware of all these facts, I still bind all day long and when I exercise, and even when I’m in my room alone, only taking it off to shower or sleep. The confidence, energy, comfort, and joy that I’ve grown to love in my life since I started binding outweighs any of the physical discomforts and health concerns it brings me. However, some people struggle with different types of physical issues around binding, and everyone should make the best choice for themselves. If you are feeling at all lightheaded as a result of binding, you should remove it and try a different size or brand. I used to have a binder from Underworks that was too small which I couldn’t wear for more than half an hour at a time without feeling lightheaded. It took me a while to realize that it wasn’t supposed to be that tight. Now that I have the size up, I never have problems wearing it all day.
Mental Health
Binding for the first time can be scary, because you might be unsure about how people will react to your newly flattened chest. It can still be scary to imagine navigating those comments for the first time. If you are nervous about this, try preparing some answers in case these questions do come up. “I’d prefer not to discuss my undergarments,” will probably do the trick, but you could also take a lighter approach and ask them what kind of underwear they’re wearing.
We can have a lot of anxiety about binding because it’s not something people often talk about outside the queer community (how I would have loved for my mother to offer buying me a binder rather than a bra while I was growing up!), and there are many misconceptions about the identity you must have if you bind. Whatever your relationship is to your binder, just remember that you are normal.
Some people bind on certain days depending on what they’re wearing or what their feelings around their chest are on that day. Getting used to your new appearance can be scary at first. I was terrified when I tried on my first binder and thought it made me look too macho. But later on I tried it again and felt just right. Sometimes our initial reaction to a new appearance can be different than how we feel later on. Be gentle with yourself and take some time to explore your options.
Best of luck, and I’ll be sure to answer any questions you have in the comments!
More Binding Resources
- binders101.tumblr.com is a great blog that posts detailed binder reviews and answers questions
- transguys.com/features/chest-binding is a collection of information including details on measuring, and places to get used binders
- Bindinghealthproject.wordpress.com seeks to expand and contribute new information on the physical and mental health effects of binding. They are releasing their research findings in a month or two
Sonny Oram is the founder and editor-in-chief of Qwear fashion.com, a Boston-based style blog for queer women, trans* people, and the dappers who love them. For their work with Qwear, Sonny has been interviewed for Fashionista.com, Huffington Post Live and was featured in Go Magazine’s 2013 100 Women We Love, as well as in the Spanish magazine, MagLes.
Header by Rory Midhani
6 Tips For First-Time Lingerie Shoppers
WELCOME TO BRA WEEK! This week and next, the Autostraddle writers and some special guests will be giving you the scoop on over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders and otherwise-inclined chest-covering situations — fashion, history, feelings and so much more.
Given that my blog is called The Lingerie Lesbian it should be no surprise to anyone that I think that lingerie is the loveliest, shiniest thing in the whole world and I like nothing more than acquiring much too much of it. However, the truth is that it can be more than a bit intimidating to shop for, especially if you are just starting out. To get you started, here are 6 things that I always try to think about when I’m lingerie shopping.
1. Keep an open mind.
Lingerie shopping can be hard because it’s such an intimate, personal piece of clothing that it can bring out a lot of difficult feelings. However, unless it’s way outside your budget, it never hurts to just try something on to see if you’re the kind of person who definitely needs a black lacy slip. Or ouvert knickers. Or a strappy bra. (Or you may discover that you need all of these things and you can join me on the dark side, i.e. people who care way too much about their underthings.)
Left: useless (Parfait by Affinitas). Right: excellent (Kiss Me Deadly)
2. Beware of briefs with garter attachments because they seem awesome but they can be the worst.
This may seem bizarrely specific, but I have made this mistake before and it has led to circumstances so dire that I had to remove my stockings in the middle of the street in freezing January because I couldn’t bear it any longer. It was not pleasant. This may seem like common sense, but if you buy anything that pulls downward (like a garter belt/ suspender knickers) make 100% sure that it is successfully anchored at your waist or you will regret it and your knickers will end up bunched around your knees in public.
Ewa Michalak S Pieprzyk set, 30F – 42JJ
3. Don’t assume that because something isn’t in your local boutique, it doesn’t exist.
As many of you know, the internet is a weird and wonderful place full of things you don’t even know you’ve been missing and many of those things are lingerie. If you are outside the size range you see in your nearby stores, don’t despair! Actually, if you are looking for something specific, shoot me an email and I can help. As Hamlet would put it, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your Victoria’s Secrets.”
4. If you are buying something to go with a certain outfit, bring that outfit with you.
This may seem like common sense, but I have made this mistake way too often to count and am left with things that are really pretty but are the wrong shape/color/texture. If you are into the whole trousseau/bridal lingerie concept, this is an especially good plan!
5. Be comfortable.
Comfort means different things to different people, so whether it’s choosing materials that feel good, shapes that make you look amazing or something that affirms your gender identity, don’t let a pushy salesperson, a partner or a shopping buddy push you into anything you don’t want to do. Underwear is a private, individual thing — so make sure it’s something that makes you feel awesome.
6. Have fun!
I know, I know, this is such a cliché thing to write. But honestly, what exactly is the point of ‘lingerie’ if not to have fun? Yes, there are utilitarian purposes to bras and briefs, but when you get into the fancy, unusual stuff, you get to be the egomaniac that you’ve always wanted to be and choose exactly what tickles your fancy.
Header by Rory Midhani
Feature images by Robin Roemer
I Heart Valentine’s Day: The Gay Girl’s Great Big Gift Guide
If you’re bringing your girl-crush a valentine on the 14th, I hope you remember to bring some for the whole class. That’s the rule. You have to get a valentine for everybody in the whole class!
Red Hot Lovers
If you find yourself completely unable to stop talking about your sweetheart, maybe it’s time the two of you sit down and write yourselves a book about yourself with The Q&A A Day 3-Year Journal for 2 People.
Our Q and A Day ($16.99). Sweetly Sipping Tea Set ($34.99). Adore Me Pleasure Set ($159). Ink Or Swim Shower Curtain ($27.99). The Slippery Thermal Henley by Appliq ($39). Torrid Lace Trim Corset ($51.38). Heart on a Plate Book ($18.50). Coach Tour Dress in Rouge ($47.99). Sweet Hearts Cardigan ($50). Moleskine Classic Notebook ($15.59).
Blackhearts
Surprise your special someone with breakfast in bed when you make heart-shaped waffles with the CucinaPro 1475 Classic Heart Waffler.
Plush Love Fleece Lined Beanie ($60). Black Punker Eye Kit ($39). Come Be My Little Spoon Throw Pillow ($27). Valentine’s Day Heart Socks ($6). CucinaPro 1475 Classic Heart Waffler ($46.57). Vegan Leather Jacket ($168). Black Hearted Hoodie ($98). Krystal Large Heart Swarovski Crystal Charm Necklace ($33.33). Double Weave Black Leather Cuff ($39.99).
Hearts of Gold
Buying journals for other people is always tricky, but a Dear Queer Diary sticker shows you know she’s got one, but trust her to pick out her own and then put your sticker on it.
The Hunger Games – Katniss Chocolate Bar (Apples pierce, uncured hickory smoked bacon, alderwood smoked sea salt and 44% cacao milk chocolate) ($7.50). Talking Heads Necklace ($65). Heart: Dreamboat Annie on Vinyl ($25.22). Dear Queer Diary Sticker ($5). Tegan & Sara Heartthrob Mug ($15). My My Baby Necklace ($29). Lelo Olga ($495). Lolita Deluxe Sunglasses ($199). One Thing’s For Shear Bracelet ($17.99). Gold by Jay-Z Gift Set ($74).
Purple Hearts
Fill a Kanken Purple Pack with all the overnight necessities for your newly minted-lady love: contact solution, shampoo, toothbrush, underwear, the works. It’s a cute way to tell a girl you want her to sleep over a lot without telling her it’s time to move in.
The Collected Poems of Audre Lorde ($16.78). Vosges Chocolates Exotic Truffle Heart Collection ($45). Kanken Purple Pack ($75). The Letters of Vita Sackville-West and Virginia Woolf ($34.94). Atmos Raw Vaporizer ($65). ASOS Tie With Polka Dot ($14.82). Purple Rain [180 Gram Vinyl] ($20.96). Poisonberry Opaque Lipstick ($22). High Femme Sticker ($5).
White Knights
The Hanky Panky Thong is all curled up in what appears to be a white rose, which means you get credit for buying flowers and for buying sexy underpants.
Miss Atomic Cameo Necklace ($20). Asos Trunk With Dinosaur Print ($11.11). Venessa Arizaga Treasured Pearls Bracelet ($85). Asos Curve Exclusive Onesie In Heart And Star Print ($64.82). Hanky Panky Thong Rose White ($20). Nightwood (New Edition), by Djuana Barnes with preface by Jeanette Winterson and an introduction by T.S. Eliot ($11.79).
Blue Valentine
Lez Get Dressed For Work Sticker ($5). Mrs. Bow Tie ($42). Free City I Love You Sweatpants ($148). The Smell of Good Mud, by Lauren Zuniga ($11.44). Otterly Romantic Otters Holding Hands Tote Bag ($22). 15″ Laptop Case With Heart Design ($19.44). Valentine’s Day Heart Socks ($6). Blue is the Warmest Color Graphic Novel by Julie Maroh ($13.45). Mosquita y Mari DVD ($19.95).
Green With Envy
If you go camping a lot, that’s a reasonable enough excuse to buy a Poler Knapsack sleeping bag that also doubles as the kind of sleeping bag a Snuggie would be if Snuggies were high-tech sleeping bags.
Lacoste Essential Gift Set ($68). Sucre New Orleans 15-Piece Chocolate Collection (Coffee & Chicory, Praline Pecan, Brown Butter, Bananas Foster and Carmel & Sea Salt) ($31). Pole Dancing to Gospel Hymns, by Andrea Gibson ($12.91). UGG Ansley Slipper ($99.95). Poler Napsack ($129.95). Indestructible, by Cristy C Road ($7.55). Junior Mints 72-Count ($20.88).
Strawberry Kisses
You can’t buy Franzia on the internet, but you certainly can find it at your local grocer. Franzia is sweet romance.
Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More, by Janet Mock ($18.89). Lip Balm Ring ($14). Exclusive Reds Set by Butter London ($39). Asos Onesie with Hood In Cute Deer Print ($55.56). Franzia White Merlot ($13.99). Hello Beautiful Polka Dots Pillow ($30). Heart on my Elbow Sweater ($49). Whisper Hot Pant Berry Crush by Cosabella ($24). Little Besties Temporary Tattoos ($5).
We recommend hitting up the Autostraddle Store for extra-special gifts for your special somebody, for example a You Do You hoodie (now marked down to $35 so that Bren the Merch Girl will have enough room in her kitchen to sit down) or a Butch Please sticker or some Straddle This boxer-briefs!
All I Want For Christmas Is You… and an Immersion Blender
Learning to feed yourself can be one of the most terrifying things. Am I about to give myself food poisoning? If I eat this too often will I end up with scurvy? How can I get the most nutritional bang for my buck? Why does this still taste like ass?
With Ode to My Pantry, learn to navigate a grocery store without having a meltdown in aisle three. Give a man a fish and feed him for a day, teach a queer to cook and stave off malnutrition for another semester.
Via Shutterstock
It’s the holiday season where everyone’s jing-jing-jingaling to get together, crack open a carton of nog, hoist the aluminum pole and tie one on to forget the exams, exes and empty bank accounts that have plagued you this season. When it comes to party planning, there’s a tool worth having that’s almost as important as your corkscrew. Nope, I’m not talking about your bottle opener (because duh yours should have both), I’m talking about immersion blenders.
This particular piece of kitchen gadgetry’s history is a bit easier to trace than say a fork or a whisk. Roger Perrinjaquet dreamed up this cooking propellor back in 1950 and patented the design as a Bamix, or battre et mixer. Could he have come up with a better portmanteaux? Probably.
Even though food processors, blenders and Magic Bullets seem to have the Market of Chopping Things into Tiny Pieces covered, my immersion blender’s still my BFF. Clean up takes little more than a quick blend in some hot, soapy water! Plus I can fit it in a drawer, tote it around and never have to worry about the aftermath of broken blender glass and hot soup. What, you don’t bring a blender to your sleepovers? Uh, maybe you’re not going to the right parties.
Souper Tasty Soups
I’m pretty sure everyone buys an immersion blender to make their way through the winter. Got a pile of squash? Bam, now you have a soup! Got a bunch of lentils? Now you have a lentil soup! Take a thing, boil a thing, blend a thing and it’s soup o’clock!
If you’re scared to add ER visits to your Christmas List to Santa, you can remove the molten soup-splash from your soup’s ingredient list. Take a paper plate that’s wider than your pot and cut a whole in the centre. Pop your immersion blender through the middle and the plate’ll protect you from molten hot splashes.
Hummus-to-Go
The go-to party companion has to be hummus. It’s vegan, customizable, delicious and really fucking cheap. The only way to improve on this already perfect treat is to make it mess-free.
via Food In Jars
Throw a can of chickpeas, lemon juice, garlic, salt and tahini into a jar and chase it down with your hand blender. Give it a few good swirls, dribble in some olive oil and you’re done in a matter of seconds without any extra bowls to clean! Do you prefer yours with lemon rind, pesto or roasted beets? Toss that in too. All you gotta do is throw on a lid, throw it in your bag and you’re ready to head out the door!
Preservative Free Dressings
I do love a basic vinaigrette, but sometimes I want something more than just vinegar and oil. You can use a quick zip of an immersion blender to emulsify your dressings or mayos in an instant, but you can also harness the power of pureed vegetables to keep your dressings together.
via Quiche A Week
If you’re a fan of Japanese-style salad dressings, just make your own! Use the emulsive powers of pureed carrots, onions and ginger to carry the flavours of miso, sesame seed oil and rice wine vinegar. And plus fibre! Who doesn’t love extra fibre?
Insta-Roux
Hearty stews, gravies and creamy sauces all benefit from thickeners, which normally come in the form of a roux. This particular combination of flour cooked in butter holds onto several times its weight in liquid, but it also manages to hit the double whammy of dairy and gluten.
If you’re ever in the situation where you can’t reach for a roux, grab your onions instead. Saute until they’re softened, caramelized and sweet and throw it into your dish and blend your way to thickness.
Aerated Wine
This is decidedly less sexy than those new-fangled spouts or impossible-to-store decantors, but it’s cheaper and you can use it for the rest of your meal!
If you get a meh bottle of red and want to turn it into an okay bottle, pour it into a decanter to let it breathe. The added oxygen lets aromas develop, but if you only have a few seconds as opposed to a few hours, give it 30 second spin first! Hyperdecanting is supposed to instantly aerate your wine, plus it’s definitely a cool party trick.
Holiday Gift Guide: So Your Loved One Works From Home
![holigays-2013-banner[1]](https://autostraddle-develop.go-vip.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/holigays-2013-banner1.jpg?resize=640%2C150)
Working from home is all the rage. I know this ’cause I recently read this book Remote, which maybe you should buy for your girlfriend who wears leggings whenever she wants to because she works on the internet, at home. People who work from home have very specific needs. (Besides fresh air, water and social stimulation, which let’s be honest, would never fit underneath a Christmas tree.) (Well, maybe the water, but whatever.)
I asked my fellow work-from-homers (read: almost everybody who works here) what they’d like for the holidays, and got lots of good suggestions! I decided to leave out things like whiteboards and USB hubs, though, because they didn’t seem as romantic as a chair or a fleece onesie. You’ll see.
Sit Your Ass Down
Why sit on a terrible chair when you can sit on a nice chair, an innovative “chair” or a large plastic ball that probably inspires aliens to make fun of us? The Aeron Chair by Herman Miller is widely regarded as the best chair under $1,000. My chair is from IKEA, but Lifehacker really likes this chair. There’s also something really delightful about hanging out on the Office Star Ergonomically Designed Knee Chair, though, and fitness enthusiasts will enjoy incorporating a Gaiam Balance Ball Chair into their office situation.
If your loved one does a lot of reading for work, it’s nice to have another vessel in which to read (mostly to prevent you from feeling at all slightly tempted to approach the general area of your bed) — perhaps in a Cocoon?
Write That Down
Notebooks! They’re a thing. Try the LIFE Noble Note ($24), So Many Feelings Journal ($8), Pantone a4 notebook ($15), Field Notes Perfect Pack ($26) or the Notes Green Curry ($22). The Evernote Smart Notebook ($22.09) is a cool gift for an Evernote user because you can write, sketch or draw in the notebook and use the Evernote Page Camera with your phone or tablet to instantly digitize your handwritten notes and save it to your Evernote, where your handwritten notes will become taggable and searchable. IT’S THE FUTURE.
Print It Out
It’s so magical to be able to do all the xeroxing (especially for bookkeeping) and scanning and shit right from your own home, like you can with a Epson WorkForce WF-3520 Wireless All-in-One Color Inkjet Printer/Copier/Scanner. You can fax from it too, but I hate faxing shit so I can’t speak to that. If you really wanna make a girl’s day, though, you’ll toss her some ink cartridges, too, because that’s why the printers are so inexpensive — because the ink is so ridiculously expensive.
Pants Make You Feel Important
Look I’m not saying a work-from-homer has to put on pants with zippers and buttons and shit, but nothing says “I’m a grown-up” like layering your underpants with actual pants. I’ve written two pieces on this hot topic — Top Ten Fashions For Being Alone In Your Apartment and Top Ten Sweatpants — and could really talk about sweatpants all day. But we don’t have all day. We have work to do!
Lounge Pants
Now, cheap sweats and yoga pants are easy to find, but if you really wanna treat somebody, dream big: like the high-quality super-soft certified lesbian sweapants made at Free City ($148) or Hard Tail Foldover Bootcut Yoga Pants ($59.95). My first pair of Hard Tail yoga pants lasted eight years of frequent wearing and weekly washing before the ass got thin enough that I had to stop wearing them in public. For a more gender-neutral look, try the Grey Neppy Contrast Drawcord Sweatpants ($60) or the dropwaist Topman Slub Cotton Jogger Sweatpants ($48).
Onesies
Onesies are a thing right now and I don’t think it’ll last long so we have to take advantage of this trend while we can. Like one that says GEEK ($50), one that turns you into a tabby cat ($39) or a more subtle mammalian transformation like with the Asos Cosy Soft Fleece Onesie with Hood & Ears ($45.37). I own a Kigurumi, it makes me a koala and it’s super cute for team meetings on Google Hangout. Or you can keep it simple with a Grey Stripe Onesie ($80) or the Asos Grey Onesie($50.82). Staying at home can be an especially nice arrangement when you’ve got a bun in the oven and luckily there’s a onesie for that: the ASOS Maternity Onesie ($50.82).
Sidenote you could really make dreams come true with a unicorn onesie.
Drink Some F*cking Tea
by Rachel Kincaid
Okay, so I think The Republic of Tea, Honey Ginseng Green Tea, 50-Count is a good tea for when you’re sort of stressed about work/your terrible life and need something that will taste good and be comforting while also keeping you warm and awake.
I think Republic of Tea Ginger Peach Tea is a good black tea for people in general, it’s nice in the morning or if you get sleepy — it’s not too strongly flavored but also generally pleasant.
Also I don’t know if Celestial Seasonings Tension Tamer Herb Tea actually works but we had it in my house growing up and so I associate it with being soothing, so if you have a stressful day working from home because everyone in the world is colluding to make your job impossible and also everyone else in the world thinks you just read Buzzfeed all day, maybe this will help.
Ok this is Riese again — Tazo Refresh Tea is the best. There’s no caffeine. I’m drinking it right now.
Beverage Accessories
You can drink your tea out of a Cat-Tail Mug ($25.95), make it in a Glass Stovetop Whistling Tea Kettle ($25.79), and scissor with it using this Scissors Mug (set of 2) ($18).
Is a Nespresso machine the devil’s baby slowly destroying the environment? YES. Is there anything in the world better than waking up and immediately creating a perfect espresso-based beverage in two minutes or less without having to put pants on? NO. There is not. There just isn’t. Rumor has it that kicking coffee in favor of Kombucha is a wise decision, thus the inclusion of this Kombucha Home Brew Kit ($52).
And if you wanna keep on ‘straddling while working, you’ll probs wanna throw some cash at our illustrator Rory Midhani by picking up a Mug by Rory Midhani ($15)!
Gadgetry
Travelers and humans with lots of devices will appreciate the $49.99 (marked down from $149.99) Anker® 2nd Gen Astro3 12000mAh Portable Charger Backup External Battery.
Noise-cancelling headphones are fantastic, especially if your work-from-homer likes to work from coffee shops. Bose® QuietComfort® 15 Acoustic Noise Cancelling® Headphones ($269) are the best or you can go cheaper and smaller with the Shure SE215-CL Sound Isolating Earphones ($99).
Listening to invigorating music is enabled by the Scottie Dog Speaker ($22). Meanwhile, keeping your phoneclock charged can be done cutely with this bookish ipod dock ($55).
…and sometimes a work-from-homer just needs to take a little break, perhaps with a Pocket Toy Friend ($22)?
Get Your Sh*t Together
This book, Lifehacker: The Guide to Working Smarter, Faster, and Better, will genuinely help your loved one be smarter, faster and better, for real. Then you can look at this enormous calendar for inspiration.
Desk and Floor Materials
These things are nice:
Jonathan Adler Lapdesk ($25)
Stapler & Hole Punch from Pretty Useful Tools ($17)
Rewind Desk Tidy by j-me ($22)
Manduka 71-Inch PROlite Travel Yoga and Pilates Mat (Midnight) ($78)
Fox Run Retro Kitchen Timer with Magnet, Mint Green ($11.99)
Epic Desk Caddy ($120)
OXYLED T100 Dimmable Eye-care LED Desk Lamp ($69.99)
West Elm Brass Base Terrarium ($29-$59)
There are lots of other ways to treat your work-from-homer that I couldn’t include here, such as: a gift card to the local coffee shop, a public transit pass to encourage them to leave the house, a membership at a nearby gym, workout classes, or a personal live-in intern. Also if you could pick up some olive oil on the way home that would be GREAT!
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Nerdy Love Song: The Holigay Gift Guide
This is a gift guide based on DeAnne Smith‘s viral video, “Nerdy Love Song With Added Kitten Bonus.” If you haven’t seen that video yet, here it is.
You’re welcome.
For an added texture, scroll down while the song is playing!
I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.
Japanese Soroban Style Abacus, $14.99
And I won’t say that I love you or I heart you, but I will say less than 3, I less than 3 you.
Your molecules must be moving really quickly, ’cause girl, you’re hot.
Caffeine Molecule Necklace, $84.99.
Are you igneous, metamorphic or sedimentary? All I know is, baby, you rock.
If god existed, I’d thank him for you but I’m rational and I read (a lot of) Sam Harris.
Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris. $11.38.
You’re beautiful like the font of Garamond but I wanna see you sans serif.
(take your pants off)
Dinosaur Underwear Three Pack, $32.
I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.
Round Up Your Thoughts Calculator Notebook, $14.99.
I observe your quarks oscillating, and I’m formulating a g-string theory.
The Little Book of String Theory by Steven S. Gubser, $18.29.
I’m an archaeologist and I’m gonna compute your age, yeah, I wanna absolutely date you.
You make me feel like a male giraffe. I wanna nudge your rump, make you urinate, and mate you (that’s what they do).
The value of my love for you cannot be expressed exactly. It’s more irrational than pi.
Achatz Pie Handmade Pie Company’s Signature Michigan 4-Berry Pie, $39. Or you can set up a Pie of the Month Club with My Sugar Pie.
Hey “Fuck” is a legitimate word in Scrabble, just FYI.
Make this thing with your hands! Thank you Hansen!
KITTEN BREAK!
via We Heart It
Donate to the ASPCA in honor of your special someone.
I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.
Cute and Astute Necklace, $99.99.
You can suck me into the supermassive black hole at the center of your galaxy (I’m talking vagina).
Glow In the Dark Galaxy Boy Shorts, $23.99.
I may not be the biggest or strongest but my knowledge of grammar shines –
Grammatically Correct Dessert Plates (set of 4), $49.99.
I know how to use the words further and farther correctly every freaking time.
I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar by Sharon Eliza Nichols, $9.99.
Farther indicates physical distance –
– and further a depth or degree.
Example: the moon is getting farther from the earth about 4 centimeters annually (true fact).
Holy Crap You Guys It’s a Rock From The Moon! $24.99 – $169.99
Example: you just keep getting further into my heart –
Make this thing with your hands! Thanks again, Hansen!
Wait: you just keep getting farther into my heart –
Customized Long Distance Relationship Pillow, $50.
No, wait: you just keep getting further into my heart –
Pixel Heart Heat Changing Mug, $11.99.
Hang on: you just keep getting farther into my heart –
I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.
If the situation is ambiguous further and farther can be used interchangeably (that’s a rule! I knew that all along).
I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.
Math Equation Bow Tie, $13.99.
And I won’t say that I love you or I heart you but I will say I less than 3 you.
Robot Less Than Three You Card, $4.00.
(please take off your pants)
Adventure Time Boy Shorts (set of 3), $17.99.
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Holigay 2013 Gift Guide: The Busiest Power Dyke You Know
Everyone has that one friend who is just so damn busy. That friend who breaks plans and forgets to call you back. That friend who looks like death every time you see her and she announces she’s only eaten Easy Mac for like a week straight. That friend who has all of her soda cans from the last six months on the floor of the backseat of her car because at least then she’ll have them with her if she ever decides to recycle them. Everyone else sees this friend as a BAMF power dyke, but you know better: your friend is a mess. Or maybe you are that friend. What I’m saying is I am that friend.
Hopefully you love your busy BFF/girlfriend/mother/daughter/self anyways! Because when she isn’t busy she’s got really great stories and makes a mean kugel. Plus it’s not really her fault she’s so busy! She’s a grad student or lawyer or a teacher or a full time mom or just a really nice girl with truly terrible time management skills. Unfortunately, she’s damn hard to shop for. What the heck do you get someone to doesn’t have time to use a single gift?! With that in mind, this is the year to get her something super nice that will help her manage her time and get back to what’s really important: hanging out with you!
Quick Cooking
Sometimes when people are busy they don’t eat well… or at all. Sometimes not for days at a time. But busy people also tend to be creative people and loads of creative people love to cook! Almost any kitchen gadget that saves you time (or better yet time and money) makes a wonderful gift for your busy bud! Think about things that chop fast, stew fast or go completely hands off. Sometimes this means old standbys like food processors and pressure cookers. Alternatively you could go for something funky as seen on TV!
Amerihome HCPEEL Hand Crank Peeler //Showtime Rotisserie Set It And Forget It //Hamilton Beach 6-Quart Slow Cooker //Cuisinart 7-Cup Food Processor//Everyday Food: Great Food Fast //Slap Chop
Get Them Organized
Busy people tend to fall into two categories: totally completely organized or falling apart messy. Both groups would benefit and love a few fun organizational items. Do I mean you should get your best friend a bunch of industrial packing bins? No of course not! You have to trick your friend into thinking it’s just a super cute hanging corset you can store things in! Just a fun little receipt organizer thing you thought she’d love. How cute are these designer Nate Berkus desk thingies? Try not to call her messy to her face.
Receiptable Crap Organizer ($16.99)//Personal Banker Organizer //Take-Out Menu Organizer //Lab-solutely Organized Desk Supply Set //Little Miscellany Sunshine Container //Nate Berkus Desk Drawer Organizer //Little Black Corset Jewelry Organizer
If you suspect your gift receiver is a bit too much of a control freak for any pre-purchased organizers, you can always just buy them a Container Store gift card. Swoon.
Robots!
Maybe what you really want to do is pay for a cleaning service to come to your busy friend’s apartment every week. Unfortunately that’s as expensive as it is logistically difficult to pull off. Good thing there are now robots that can do all sorts of fun household chores! Though the Roomba is the most popular automatic vacuum cleaner, there are newer cheaper robots too! Okay, even the “cheaper” models aren’t exactly pennies, but they’re certainly awesome gifts! Besides, I think we all know someone who definitely needs a self-cleaning litter box.
WINBOT W730, the Window Cleaning Robot //iRobot Braava 320 Floor Mopping Robot //Metapo Infinuvo QQ2 Economy Robotic Vacuum Cleaner //Clocky Alarm Clock On Wheels //Omega Paw Self-Cleaning Litter Box
Help Them Chill Out
Busy people are stressed out people! That’s why they need a friend like you to absolutely force them to treat themselves! But beware: this is not the crowd for whom you should purchase a spa day or the entire first season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. In other words, nothing relaxing that is also time consuming. Think of gifts someone can use while they work or study. Better yet, something they can use around the house that will make their home atmosphere all the more relaxing.
Kringle Candles Crystal Pillar in Tranquil Waters //Foot Spa with Bubbles & Heat//UGG Slippers //Heated Massage Seat Cushion
Help Them Stay Up
If you can’t help your friend relax a bit, at least help them stay away through their busy days and nights! In other words: coffee and coffee accessories are your new best friend! Buy them a sampler of the coffee grounds you love or just give them the best travel mug of all time. Seriously this thing keeps coffee hot for en entire day and night. If you really want to splurge, every busy person certainly needs an espresso maker!
Barrington Coffee Dark Roast Sampler// Thermos Travel Mug//De’Longhi Espresso and Cappuccino Maker
All The Little Things
Busy people don’t always have time to take care of the basic necessities of life. Of course, it’s sort of bizarre to give anyone you’re not close with something you purchase at the grocery store. However, if you’re close with someone, i.e. they’re your girlfriend or mother, they would probably really appreciate you giving them those things everyone seems to run out of. Preferably in bulk.
Spare White Sheets // Mrs. Meyer’s Dish Soap (6 Pack) // Pilot G2 Roller Ball Pens (box of 12) // Tom’s of Maine Simply White Toothpaste (6 Pack) // Paper Towels (4 Packs of 6) // Toilet Paper (4 packs of 6)
Do It For Them
Sometimes the best gift you can offer that busy loved one in your life is your time. Clean out their car, pick up their dry cleaning in, give them a full afternoon of gardening and yard work—that kind of thing. Maybe your sister would love it if you watched her kids for the day so she and her partner could finally see Hunger Games. I bet that stressed out, over-committed friend would just love a whole bunch of frozen homemade soup or tomato sauce.
Just because your loved one might be too busy doesn’t mean you can’t thing of fun gift ideas she’ll really love. If all else fails, you could always send her a fruit basket. No one is ever too busy for fruit.
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Holigay Gift Guide 2013: Urban Explorers
I’m a city transplant, and even though I like where I am, I miss a lot of things about the rest of the world. The occasional reminder that there’s more to life than concrete, commutes, and humans does me a lot of good. Here are some great ways to get yourself (or someone else) deep into whatever outdoors you happen to have, and to condense the vastness of nature so it’s more apartment-sized!
For Bringing the Inside Out
One recharging activity that I really enjoy is packing a book and a lunch, biking as far as I can and then stopping whenever I land at a park, shore, suburban trailhead, or other picnicable place. These reusable Cuppow Mason Jar Lids turn a household staple into a de facto water/coffee/smoothie bottle (and no, your jar won’t shatter, especially if you tuck it into the water bottle holder of the Bike Rack Bag where you packed the rest of your stuff). I stole my picnic blanket from an international flight, but YOU can get this Picnic Time one that is water-resistant and turns into a tote bag. Avoid getting lost (and give yourself a soundtrack) with this Smartphone Bike Mount.
Even if you’re just getting from one place to another, having something to pay attention to while you do it can make all the difference. The various US City Bird Guides will help you get to know your more feathery neighbors — they’re pretty old, but there’s one for most major cities. For first-time trackers, The Urban Tree Book might be even better, because your subjects can’t run away. Although it’s got a limited intended audience, Leslie Day’s Field Guide to the Natural World of New York City is actually a cool read for anyone. And after the sun sets, the Star Map 3D app can help you memorize some nearby constellations while you’re waiting for the train. Cute girls love constellations.
For Bringing the Outside In
Having a few green guys around can really bring some air into your life, literally and figuratively. Beginners might want to start out with an all-in-one Moss Terrarium Kit, while those who are ready to go it alone can choose from a variety of options, like this space-sensitive Hanging Terrarium (which comes six to a pack!) or this larger Glass Cloche. If you’d like to get more practical (read: delicious) use out of your plants, and you’re willing to raise them from infancy, try out this Seed-Starting Tray, which comes with watering and seed trays, growth pellets, and fertilizer.
If you’d like to spend your time indoors imaging what once grew where your apartment used to be, check out Manahatta, which traces the natural history of New York back to “the forests of Times Square, the meadows of Harlem, and the wetlands of downtown.” If you’d rather project a semi-apocalyptic future, The World Without Us is a total mind trip. Both these books are pretty heavy, so even things out with a Goats in Trees or Extraordinary Chickens calendar.
Sometimes your laptop screen is the best portal to the outside world. Planet Earth is the obvious choice for a reason, but if you’ve watched jumping baby ducks one too many times, I can also personally recommend Human Planet and Blue Planet, both from the same production team. I also really love Microcosmos, which instills insect lives with high drama. And if you’d rather go huge, there’s always Carl Sagan’s galactic classic Cosmos.
For Remembering Everything
There are lots of ways to remember your adventures, keep track of succulent growth, and plan for the future. If you want to use more than just your brain, I recommend this set of 12 Rainbow Notebooks. I’m also intrigued by this Oregon Scientific Movie Camera, which I think is technically for children, but is inexpensive, seems durable, and looks like it could affix easily to my handlebars. As for pictures, this iPhone camera kit comes with three different lenses and a mini-tripod, so it’ll be like shooting fisheyes in a barrel.
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Holigay 2013 Gift Guide: Paint It Black
People who love the colour black — we’re everywhere. And with so many coloured objects in this world, we can be difficult to buy for. This guide is for the people in your life who are super enthusiastic about this colour; the metalheads and punks and goths, the artists and sad folk, those who can’t colour coordinate or those who can but prefer not to.
This guide could cover so many gift categories that for simplicity’s sake, I’m (mostly) limiting it to ‘things that can be worn or carried.’ In case you missed it, Mey’s rad Femme Witch Coven gift guide may also help.
Wristwear
Wristwear is a great gift option for people who wear head-to-toe black because sometimes they need to try harder than their colour-clothed peers to accentuate their outfits. Or at least that’s what I read that in Cosmo once. My go-to for black wristwear is usually Lucky Dog Leather. Their BLACK on BLACK wrist cuff range is as black as my heart and as hot as hell; I’m a fan of the ¾” single weave cuffs in particular because they’re slim, light and super malleable. For a less leathery and more fancy-looking wrist option, check out this onyx and hematite bracelet.
On a more practical front, this Crave leather double cuff is designed to be classy fashion piece by day and a sneaky sex cuff situation by night. Or by day! It can be worn as handcuffs/wristwear at any hour, it’s super versatile like that. For timekeeping, check out this slim Kenneth Cole watch and this rad hands-free black and red Simplify watch. A common problem for fans of the underworld is that it can be difficult to find skull merchandise that doesn’t look toy-like. For them I suggest this Tendence skull watch, which is a super high quality Swiss-engineered piece. I own it and love it.
Headphones
V-Moda Crossfades (far right) are my #1 over-ear headphone recommendation because priced at about $100, they stand up to higher-end models in terms of sound, quality, style and comfort. One of the great design features is that if you want to go a little crazy by adding a coloured accent, you can! See these sexy metallic coloured shield kits for the cups. If you want to go really fucking fancy, Beats by Dr Dre are now available in this sleek all-black Executive over ear model (left). For an in-ear option, these SkullCandy INK’d earbuds are reasonably priced and look pretty.
Tops / Sweaters / Jackets
1. This Enfant Terrible hoodie is kinds expensive but doesn’t that model look really cute and comfortable in it? I bet you or the gift recipient will look even cuter and more comfortable that that.
2. Anyone who’s ever shopped at Hot Topic would be right into this Tripp NYC safety pin tee, I guarantee it.
3. I’m obsessed with most tanks and tees designed by Zoe Karssen, the label does some stellar work with black. Like this sweet bat tank, which is also available as a sweater and a tee.
4. Look at that kitten’s face! You can have that face for $12.
5. This smokin’ hot Lip Service Rugged Lace Jacket would be perfect for wearing out on the town or maybe while fighting zombies during the apocalypse.
6. Once upon a time Billie Joe Armstrong from Green Day had a fashion label that made a sweater that looked very, very similar to this Kill City Shredding It sweater and it was the most badass thing I’ve ever owned. RIP that sweater.
Miscellaneous Black Items
1. If the only thing you know about the recipient is that they really love black, you could literally gift them that colour via this Pantone Black canvas.
2. This 4-piece Slate Coaster Set from Brooklyn Slate Co. is really hot, like the hot beverage that you or your loved one never knew they wanted a slate coaster for. Until now.
3. It seems like every second person in the street is carrying a Herschel Supply backpack right now; they look great and there’s a decent range of backpack and messenger options in black. If you don’t like jumping on trends and/or paying for them, this black Jansport backpack that every second person was carrying twenty years ago still stands up.
4. These (mostly) black 50th Anniversary edition Audio Cassette notebooks by Moleskine will probably be a hit with music lovers. Need a pen? This black feather on a Bic situation is ridiculous yet oddly fascinating.