Go To ‘Dress Up/Get Down’ In NYC!

If you’re in the NYC area and need something to do next Tuesday night, I suggest you get all spiffed up and make your way to Dress Up/Get Down because you like being spiffy and having a good time.

Dress Up/Get Down is the first event of a new themed art show series, Something New, which is billed as “an underground creative showcase featuring a monthly hand-picked roster of our favorite brilliant creators from the NYC and surrounding areas,” and will more than likely be amazing.

The whole shebang is hosted by The Lowbrow Society for the Arts, an NYC-based art collective that provides resources to help people of color, women, and LGBTQ emerging artists show their work, including local designer Klub Kid Vintage, who will be featured in a mini pop-up shop. (Sidenote: how sweet is this plaid blazer from Klub Kid Vintage’s Etsy shop? Very.) The show also promises roaming stylists, DJ Nolita Selector, burlesque, a photobooth, prizes for best dressed, and cheeky readings by Thought Catalog editor Ryan O’Connell.

You should totally go.

It’s $10 at the door, or RSVP and subscribe to the mailing list for a nice little discount!

Here/Queer: Sydney Mardi Gras Is On Your To-Do List

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0. 2/20/2012 – Here/Queer Call for Submissions, by Riese
1. 3/02/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Montreal, Canada, by Sid
2. 3/05/2012 – Playlist: Here/Queer, by Riese
3. 3/05/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Portland, Oregon, by Lesbians in PDX
4. 3/07/2012 – Queer Girl City Guide: Brighton, United Kingdom, by Sarah Magdalena
5. 3/07/2012 – Oh But To Be A Queer in Sicily, by Jenn
6. 3/08/2012 – City Guide: Seattle, by Marley
7. 3/11/2012 – City Guide: Washington DC, by Keena
8. 3/13/2012 – Here/Queer: Sydney Mardi Gras Is On Your To-Do List, by Crystal

The Sydney Mardi Gras (formerly the ‘Sydney Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras’) is a once-in-a-lifetime Pride event that I’m fortunate enough to experience year after year.

There are Pride events all over the world, many of which are probably closer and more affordable than traveling to Sydney, Australia. However if you’ve never been to the Sydney Mardi Gras, I highly recommend it. It’s probably the only place you can witness a Police band playing Katy Perry covers, two hundred Kylie Minogue impersonators, and a truck towing a giant penis-shaped ice carving – all in the space of fifteen minutes. Who wouldn’t want that? Mardi Gras aside, Sydney is a pretty wonderful city to visit.

The Sydney Mardi Gras started to take shape in 1978 when a few hundred pro-gay rights protesters marched down Oxford Street, in Sydney’s queer district. Australia still hasn’t yet legalised same-sex marriage but as far as queer visibility and community acceptance goes, we’ve come a long way, baby. The Sydney Mardi Gras parade now attracts over 9,000 participants and 300,000 spectators from every corner of the world. It’s become New South Wales’ second largest tourist attraction, and with the Lord Mayor of Sydney counted among its most vocal supporters, you could say we’re a city that wholeheartedly gets behind Pride.

The Sydney Mardi Gras season spans February and March, and includes huge drawcards such as:

Fair Day: 70,000 people descend on Victoria Park, Broadway for musical acts, market stores and general market day fun-ness. Held in mid-February.
Mardi Gras Film Festival: An international LGBTIQ film festival featuring over 50 films and documentaries. Commences in mid-February, held in various locations across Sydney.
Mardi Gras Harbour Party: A harbour-side dance party featuring international and local DJs and a fireworks display. Held in late-February.
Mardi Gras Parade: Up to 10,000 paraders and 300,000 spectators take to Oxford Street, Sydney’s most popular queer hotspot. Held on the first Saturday in March.
Mardi Gras Party: Up to 20,000 people hit up the Horden Pavillion for a giant dance party featuring international superstars – Adam Lambert, George Michael, Olivia Newton John and Boy George have all been past guests. (This year the Queen of the Queers, Kylie Minogue, made her return to Mardi Gras after a 14-year absence. It was a BFD.) Held on the first Saturday in March, straight after the parade.

A Report From The 2012 Mardi Gras Parade & GiRLTHING Party

Due to some uncharacteristically shitty weather of late, 300,000 parade viewers got glammed up in their favorite sailor suits and leather chaps, only to cover up with tacky plastic ponchos. The rain, however, did not keep the crowds away, and it certainly didn’t dampen anyone’s pride.

Mardi Gras viewers bring just as much character to the event as those who march. Watching the stream of people walking up Oxford Street is a Pride parade in itself; there are full body fishnets, cod pieces, gimp masks, PVC nurse outfits, and more than a few hotpants and sequined cowboy hats. Service uniforms are especially a hot favorite, and after a few vodka sodas it becomes difficult to separate the police from the people with uniform fetishes. The viewing area is like extremely queer Disneyland, where glow sticks and rainbow flags are sold from street vendors and everyone in costume is stopped every few metres to pose with Japanese tourists.

Last year at Mardi Gras, I showed up two hours late and missed all but the very last float. Then, upon seeing a 100-line of people waiting to get into GiRLTHING, an outrageously popular Mardi Gras after party, I went home. To recap, I saw one float and almost went to an after party. I promised that this year I would do Mardi Gras better.

‘Doing better’ meant arranging to attend Mardi Gras with people who are more organised than I am, specifically a team of Autostraddle readers — Dina, Desiree, Breanna and Rose. For the very first time I had things like ‘tickets’ and ‘a plan.’ It was a good move. The people you attend the parade with will hold you accountable for making the most of the experience; they’ll prevent you from leaving when your feet start to ache or ditching the after party when you spot the massive queue.

Team Autostraddle Australia. Look how excited we are!

We arrive two hours early, at 6PM, thinking that we could secure some prime Mardi Gras viewing real estate. That was false. Not only were we competing with 300,000 people for a good line of sight, we were also competing with 300,000 umbrellas. (I’d like to think that if I ever stood in the front row at the Mardi Gras, out of courtesy I would resist opening up the largest fucking umbrella ever made. But apparently that’s just me. Apparently no-one in the front row felt this way.)

After a few minutes of deliberation most of us decide to hand over a month’s salary to sidewalk entrepreneurs in exchange for disposable rain ponchos and used milk crates. Totally worth it.

Mardi Gras Battle Gear

With the parade still over an hour away, the crowd is getting restless. The guy standing behind me begins pointing out passers-by that he’s slept with and yelling out things like “show us your baton, officer!” to the laughs of no one. You don’t get to be obnoxious unless you’ve been waiting in line longer than I have.

45 minutes before official parade kick off time the Dykes on Bikes come roaring up Oxford Street, we hear them long before we can see them. The Dykes are hands-down my favorite part of the Mardi Gras, you can always count on them to deliver the goods. By ‘goods’ I mean leather and flesh. Shortly after, the parade officially begins.

Early highlights include the Asian Marching Boys & Friends, as well as the grandparents leading the PFLAG float aka the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.

The GiRLTHING float is also stand out. It features about 20 cute queer girls dressed up in wedding attire, walking down the aisle, which is actually a flat-bed truck. I spot Autostraddle contributor Tully getting hitched. Hey girl, hey.

Getting ready for the GiRLTHING float: Tully Smyth, Lo Anderson & Katie Piper

There’s a huge roar from the crowd when a handsome guy in a tuxedo passes by in a convertible. I’m pretty sure it’s the actor from that Marriage Equality ad that “went viral” last year. Cool. Google+ has the flashiest, most expensive float by a far mile. Show offs. Comparatively what the religious groups lacked in float funding, they made up for in numbers and spirit. Solid efforts from the Jewish GLBT Group, Gay and Lesbian Catholics, Muslims Against Homophobia, and the LGBT Christians float (complete with Adams and Steves).

City of Sydney float

About an hour into the parade the downpour momentarily stops, affording everyone an opportunity to whine about how severely their hands had pruned up. Or maybe that’s just me. The rain starts up again a minute later and at this point my nearest milk create neighbour Rose, who is usually obliging when I drag her to events that I want to report on for Autostraddle, pretty much wants to murder me.

“You picked a shitty year to write about the Mardi Gras”- Rose

You know what I really love? Mardi Gras floats that entertain and educate at the same time. Did you know that Sydney has a Femme Guild? It’s true, I saw their float. I was equally delighted to discover the existence of Dykes on Bicycles, Oz Fag Hags (‘Girls Who Love Boys Who Love Boys’), the Sydney Homotones (brass band), the Queer Cheerleading Association, and Gay Skydivers. Gay. Sky. Divers.

Just before 10PM there’s a long gap in the parade and people start to leave. I think they think the parade is over. The parade isn’t over. We know this because this person with this hilarious sign is still holding their position on the parade path.

We stand steadfast on our milk crates, some of us (me) doing this weird dance to get the circulation back in our feet and hoping that Kylie Minogue is about to come around the corner. She isn’t. (I don’t think Kylie was actually scheduled to participate in the parade, I think that was just the wishful thinking of, well, everyone.) It didn’t really matter though, ’cause a few hundred incredibly impressive and convincing Kylie Minogue impersonators come dancing down the parade path instead, many dressed in those gold hotpants and that white hooded dress.

I asked “Is that Kylie or a drag queen?” at least a dozen times. At this point everyone has stopped listening to me anyway. Next up, GiRLTHING!

GiRLTHING
The Exchange Hotel – Oxford Street, Darlinghurst

We decided against attending the Official Mardi Gras Party because we wanted to surround ourselves with cute queer girls, and anyone who has ever stalked cute queer girls on social networks knows that GiRLTHING is where they’re gonna be. Facebook told me that 1200 girls will be in attendance. 1200 GIRLS.

The Girlthing Mardi Gras party, which sold out in a flash and always does, is one of those multi-theme events where each room features a different musical style or vibe. It’s run by Snatch & Grab, a collective that does fantastic work in keeping the Sydney scene alive.

This year’s Mardi Gras Party consisted of a House room, a Dance room, a Bump ‘n Grind room, a Silent Disco room, a Foam Party room, and the rumour is, even a ball pit. Unfortunately there isn’t also Bath or Spa room, which is the only thing I feel like after standing in the rain for 4 hours. (Girlthing organisers, call me! I have suggestions).

I arrive at the Exchange Hotel on Oxford Street about an hour after the parade finished, hoping that I would have avoided the crowd. I didn’t. I see at least a million queer girls lined up outside the venue and consider fleeing, and probably would have if Team Autostraddle weren’t already inside waiting for me. I reluctantly join the queue and make two new friends, Jo and Stef/Steph. We enjoy a significant amount of bonding time. I learn that Stef/Steph is a lifeguard and Jo works at a finance firm. Neat.

Waiting. (source: facebook.com/GiRLTHINGPARTY)

At last, I get into the party and I’m blown away by just how fucking huge it is. The Exchange Hotel is really five different venues connected by the same wall, and there are girls EVERYWHERE. Queer girl utopia right here. (Do you wish you could see photos of this queer girl utopia? I didn’t take any, but thankfully there’s an entire GiRLTHING Mardi Gras album for your viewing pleasure.)

I get out my compass and eventually locate Team Autostraddle, who are sitting in a booth at the back of the… Dance Room? I don’t know what room it was, but there were people dancing in it.

“I think this is an old school dance room, like 80s hits and R&B. They just played “Push It”.
– Breanna

Dina tells me she heard that the view of the parade from inside Girlthing was fantastic, or something. I couldn’t hear her from all of the rain water that has pooled in my ears. Next year I’m getting a Parade Viewing ticket.

I leave the booth for a solo lap of the venue, an activity which felt like it took half an hour but more realistically only took ten minutes. This place is like a rabbit warren; rooms run off rooms which run off even more rooms. There are staircases and nooks and crannies and dark corners fit for making out, which girls are taking advantage of.

A girl informs me that the room we’re about to enter is the ‘Hard House’ room. Or maybe she was telling me that she is a DJ who plays Hard House? Not quite sure. It was really loud. I did a lot of nodding and smiling. I took three steps inside and couldn’t go any further, the place was packed with wall to wall ladies. It probably had something to do with the dozen or so hot girls dancing on the podium up front. Probably.

1200 Girls! (source: facebook.com/GiRLTHINGPARTY)

I can’t find the foam party or the silent disco, which I’m fine with. I don’t see the rumoured ball pit, either, but have dodged enough stray balls to assume that it’s around here somewhere. Those stray balls, by the way? Excellent conversation starters.

I abandon the search for other rooms and settle in a large, comfortable space that features pool tables and music from the Empire Records soundtrack. The music selection becomes extremely eclectic and it suddenly hits me that this is the room where the DJ only plays songs that refer to loving or kissing females. It’s THAT room. I love that room.

There are a lot of girls dressed in ties, vests and fedoras, all who seem to be doing cool handshakes that I secretly wish I knew. I run into “Roxy”, who featured the last time I wrote about Sydney’s queer scene, and then have another conversation with another girl about the displaced balls from the ball pit.

In retrospect the queuing outside was character building, it prepared me emotionally for the even longer line at the bar. I pay $4.50 for a bottle of water.

“That’s going in the article.” – me, to no-one who is interested.

Nearing 1AM, two DJs dressed in Wonder Woman costumes start blasting T.A.T.U.’s “All The Things She Said” and given I’m now stone cold sober and it’s a few hours past my bed-time, I take it as my cue to leave.

Nicely played, GiRLTHING. If you’re ever in Sydney for the Mardi Gras, dear reader, you must go.

She Wrote A Song About It: Autostraddle Love Meets Autoharp

LIZZ TEAM PICK:

As you might already know, yesterday was Say Something Nice on the Internet Day. We came up with a few nice things to say and a bunch of you commented with nice things to say about us! What a wonderful day! One of you, member 0033232, went above and beyond the norms of niceness to write an Autoharp Ode to Autostraddle. That’s right, she wrote a song about Autostraddle and filmed herself singing it while playing the autoharp.

Here’s just a little taste of this hot Autostraddle song action:

I think everyone just really needs to watch this now.

Phase One Makes Girl-on-Girl History in Washington DC

Washington, DC was excited for Phase One Dupont to open. And when it did, it was like a big girl-on-girl riot in the streets. On 22 & P Streets, to be specific.

The grand opening was rung in with drag queens, lesbians and other cool women probably into making out with ladies, and even a handful of friendly men. There was lesbian porn playing on television screens, two back rooms, all pink everything, lots of shiny hair, and lots of girls in line for the bathroom. So pretty much this:

keena makes good charts

But Phase One Dupont, and the Phase One family in general, are more than great places to meet chicks in good clothes and potentially also in a coat of gelatin. They’re important. They’re markers of lesbian history. And this club is a big, huge, sign that reads: “there are women in this world, you know.” And now, we have a place.

I was at the opening with my lesbros, and there was also this fabulous lady Keena there who is of course a devout Straddler. I saw her when I first walked in, which was a relief since telling someone to meet you in a place with like hundreds of other women turns out to be hard to pull off, even with hair like mine.

Keena and I want to make sure you all understand exactly what happened at Phase One Dupont during its opening night. So, here’s how it went. And here’s what it means.

Keena

keena being actually famous on byt

The night finally came: Phase One Dupont was opening, everyone was super duper excited and every lesbian in DC took quick glance at the Facebook invite and saw that close to 650 girls were going to the party — SIXHUDREDANDFIFTYYOUGUYS! – and eyeliner and outfit selection became crucial.

I wanted to get there early, in anticipation of the flood of lesbians that would quickly overwhelm the doors. My friends and I were aiming to get there at 9 PM, which meant 9:45 PM gay time. The line was already long. I struck up a conversation with a couple who had been together for 27 years and never went out  except for this one night, when they wanted to celebrate this historic club opening with other ladies. And they wanted to know what website I was there for, so I wrote it on one of their hands. (Ladies, if you’re reading this, I hope you had a most excellent night. You deserve it.)

Eventually I got in, and, huge surprise, knew everyone there! Everyone’s ex’s ex’s ex was there, as well as their ex make-out buddies and ex awkward-stare-across-the-bar people, and everyone whose profile they’d ever visited on OKCupid. But instead of being weird it became a thing where everyone just hugged and said “Let’s go get a vodka drink!” (Side note: the bars were cash-only, which was a bit of a problem. Every Phase One thus far has this problem.) There were streamers everywhere, big disco balls and kick-ass music. As the night picked up more and more and MORE girls crowded into the club. I have no problem believing there were over 600 girls there.

But there were also a lot of boys there. Angela, one of Phase’s co-owners, said it was great — said that now ladies could finally say, “come join me at my club instead of me joining you at yours,” even to their gay boyfriends. But when I went to visit the venue before it opened, the first thing someone said was, “make sure to mention in your write-up that we will have boys’ nights too,” which seemed like an odd way to promote the “largest lesbian club on the East Coast.” Can a sister get a little all-girl love over here?

I foresee the new Phase starting a positive feedback cycle of girl-on-girl events attended by girls who want more events, who get more events, until all of a sudden it’s like a giant glitterbomb went off over Dupont Circle and we’re all happier than kittens in a field of flowers. And I feel like we’re ready for that. Right?

Carmen

if you look closely at that crowd there i'm blurry and not famous but on byt nonetheless, see that fro? right there. on the right. look closely. i'm in pumps, guys. second from the right.

I put on this see-through (okay, fine, sheer) blouse — very Natalie Portman a la Hotel Chevalier. I wore blue jeggings and 5-inch platform heels, in nude. I took these photos before I left:

For me, going to the opening of Phase One Dupont was both amazing and bewildering. I’ve been in the building before, although I think I’m going to begin populating it more often than I used to. When Phase One was still Apex, boys ran this city. I came to American University and it was the first place I went, this big club with mirrors on the wall and all these skinny white boys dancing shirtless (also there were go-go boys, but all boys at Apex were go-go boys). I went to Apex a smaller, straighter version of myself with great bangs. Just me and the boys. (And also my friend Amanda who is still the best.)

This is me at Apex with my old hair in my old life:

me and katrina casino were babies in 2008

Phase One Dupont filled Apex’s place by painting the black cinderblock walls pink and decking everything out with more lights and more women. The bartenders at Phase are women. The patrons at Phase are women. There were so many women inside the place that I could hardly comprehend it. People kept touching my hair, and I’d turn around and their girlfriends would be touching my hair, too. I also met this really nice girl in line for the bathroom. In the end, I was seen stumbling around in those Vera Wang pumps singing “Love on Top” like it was still a song relevant to my life. Y’know, I was drunk enough to forget some of my problems at Phase, and now in retrospect it feels like a dream.

Walking into what used to be Apex and seeing all of these women working and dancing and working it while they were dancing was unreal. I stood in the center of a place where I used to be a visitor — a woman in a place for men — and suddenly it was my place, for people like me, for people who liked people like me. Finally I was home. Finally women like me had a home at 11 PM, 12 AM, 1 AM, 2 AM Thursday and  Friday and Saturday nights. Finally women had a big place in the biggest gayborhood of Washington, DC.

600 women in the same room is more than a dream come true and potentially the fodder of your next late-night dream. 600 women in the same room in the same place, suddenly all together instead of all spread apart, suddenly waiting in line to even fit inside of a space, suddenly in a formidable group, suddenly so big and invincible – that’s power. To call it “history” is lame and makes me feel like a politician, even though that’s what it is. Finally women have a girl-on-girl nightclub in Washington, DC — the only one. That’s history. 600 women showed up. That’s history. But instead, all I can say is that it feels right.

I came to American University in 2008 and I was straight and I was friends with these gay men and someone told us to go to this place called Apex and we went. Now I was 21 and I was standing in the middle of a big and invincible group of women and I knew enough about myself to feel like maybe it was the kind of space where someone like me belonged. Me and 600 women, after all, is a deal I could never refuse.

Women who like women in Washington, DC should be proud of Phase One’s owners for making this venture and making all of this finally happen. I don’t know if we could all produce a card big or glittery enough to hold in all of the gratitude I want to pack in the envelope. Phase One Dupont’s opening was more than a success – it was a lesbian theme park, complete with sexy bartenders and girls with tattoos. And hopefully, the DC ladies will keep coming back for more.

All photos not credited to BYT / of Carmen’s Tumblr and past are by Keena!

If You’re Gay and in DC on Friday, You Should Also Be At Phase 1

Carmen’s Team Pick:

If you live in Washington, DC and you’re 21+ I’ve probably seen you Jello wrestling your girlfriend at Phase 1 downtown. I may have been grinning. Jello wrestling is my favorite sport.

It didn’t take much to get me to Phase 1 for the first time: “oldest lesbian bar in the United States” was a persuasive argument:

Since 1970 [Phase 1 has] had our doors at 525 8th St. SE, Washington D.C.open to women. We are the oldest continually operating lesbian bar in the country. At Phase 1 we have something for everyone whether you want to come and dance the night away to the latest hip-hop, see a drag king show, listen to queer indie/punk, see some Jello wrestling, or just shoot pool, we have your fix.

I put on my lace-up boots and marched in as a mere 21-and-10-days-old person would and ordered a Dirty Shirley, and then when I turned around there were a couple of lesbos wrestling while covered entirely in gelatin in a pool while making out, all the while risking impending toplessness.

So I went back, and back, and back. Once for karaoke, when I got too drunk and forgot my censor and totally sang Cher’s “Life After Love.” Once for Jello wrestling. Once more to drink. Once more for Jello wrestling.

Did I mention the Jello wrestling?

photo from markmalijanphotography.com

Anyway, the only thing better than one Phase 1 is two Phase 1’s, and it’s finally here. Phase 1 Dupont is opening this Friday with a kickoff for the ages – a party described on Facebook as having “the hottest girls, the hottest jams, the hottest DJ’s and a plethora of events to keep you coming back for more.”  (And don’t fret — the original Phase 1, in Eastern Market, will also remain open.)

The event, a “lesbian playground” of sorts lasting through Saturday night, begins at 9 PM Friday, February 10. The bar is strictly 21+ and will offer $3 Absolute and Red Bull and $6 Absolut Red Bull Cocktails (see what they did there) all weekend — after your $10 cover.

This is a cause for celebration – and platform pumps with denim, heavy drinking in the company of coupled lesbians / old bike dykes / my gay boyfriends, and maybe even having fun.

The new Phase 1 in Dupont Circle stands where the gay club Apex stood until it reached an end in June.  For fans of Apex, which was full of drag queens / slender gay men / mirrors, this is going to be quite a change. The new Phase 1 is going to be “similar” to its predecessor, which I remember as full of pool tables, PBR, an area for dancing, karaoke, and — you know it — Jello wrestling. (Since this new location is on the only bus line serving my neighborhood, I am banking on that last part.)

This can only mean one thing: twice the fun and twice the PhaseFest come next year. Oh, and twice the ladies, too.

The best part, though, is that the male-dominated gay scene in Dupont, one of the biggest and most well-known gay hotspots in DC, will finally have a place for the girl-on-girl, too (ironically, thanks to a gay dude):

Allen Carroll, the gay man who owns Phase 1 as well as Ziegfeld’s/Secrets, will convert the space at 1415 22nd Street NW into a lesbian nightclub. ”I think it’s time for [women] to have their own club in Dupont,” Carroll told Metro Weekly in an exclusive interview. […]

Carroll is convinced there’s enough of a demand for two Phases — and the man certainly has some expertise in lesbian nightlife.

”I’ve always worked with women,” says Carroll, who opened Phase 1 in 1970 with his late partner Chris Jansen. Carroll even worked at the lesbian bar, Jo-Anna’s, which predated Phase 1 in Southeast’s Barracks Row neighborhood. For over a decade, from the mid-1970s to the late-1980s, Carroll owned The Other Side, a lesbian club in the original Ziegfeld’s space in Southeast D.C. where Nationals Park now sits. ”I’ve dedicated my career to the women,” he says. ”They’ve been very good [to me].”

So you’re totally coming, right? See you there. Get there early.

VIDEO: Autostraddle’s 2012 Calendar Release Party in LA

To celebrate the release of the super sexy 2012 Autostraddle Calendar, Natacha and Megan of  Thrashed in Hollywood threw us a fabulous party in West Hollywood this past December. No one passed out, spilled a drink, or slapped anyone else’s girlfriend, so it was a very successful night.

Did you come and dance with us even though you had finals the next day? Did you high five Alex Vega? Did you notice how f*cking adorable Robin Roemer is in real life? Did you touch Sarah Croce’s butt while she wasn’t looking? Did you make-out with any of the calendar girls? Share your stories, babies.

Look how much fun we had and stuff:
(Pictures and video were shot and edited by the amazing/talented Morgan Hildebrand!)

If you don’t already own a 2012 Autostraddle Calendar, get with it, girl! It’s February and you are lacking hot, half-naked lesbians on your wall. Also, they’re on sale now. And as always, thanks for your support!

Thrashed is throwing a Valentines Day party on February 10th, 2012 in West Hollywood, in case you’re single and would rather not spend the night serenading your cats to Adele.

Having Fun at a Gay Bar 101: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Before I started going to girl bars and dyke nights I thought they would basically be the best thing ever. I sort of imagined it would be like the fairy scenes on True Blood. Like we’d be dancing around in clean linen and falling in love with each other. Except with more Lady Gaga and more booze and I’d be wearing a hot Nicole Miller dress. Sort of like The Sims meets Gossip Girl meets Brittana.

And at first, it seemed like I was having fun. For a while. The girls night I went to is the largest in New England so it was always packed, had a great DJ and usually promised a night of awesome dancing. At some point, between the night where my friend walked to her ex’s house with my keys, phone and money in her boot, the night where I sobbed to strangers about losing my credit card in the bathroom and the one where I held my friend’s hair as she vomited onto the street, I realized “Oh shit, this sucks.”

Somehow what worked for going out normally wasn’t working when I went to girls nights. So I made a plan. A plan to have fun at gay bars. A plan which I absolutely promise totally totally works (most of the time).

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Low Expectations

Have really low expectations leading up the going out. I don’t mean right before you leave, I mean all week. All month if you don’t go out too much. Really really really low.

Sometimes going out can seem like an overpriced and overdressed game of Hide-and-Go-Seek — you arrive at the bar with your friends, wrestle crowds to get a drink, lose track of your friends, find your friends, and then go to Pancheros. I’m often tempted to suggest that we fast forward past the part where we “go out” to the part where we go get pizza afterwards.

via jet4ime.tumblr.com

Real talk: it’s highly unlikely that you will meet the girl of your dreams at a girl bar. To be honest, it’s unlikely you’ll meet any girls at a girl bar, but it’s definitely possible that you’ll see every ex you’ve ever had dancing with their hot new girlfriends. Your expectations should be similar to those you might have in anticipation of your mother’s 65th birthday party: a lot of couples will be there, you probably won’t get hit on and there’s a good chance you might see your cousin. With this mindset, anything even marginally okay that happens, even if it’s just drinks being $6.50 instead of $7, will make your entire night!

But be excited! I mean, you’ve already decided you’re going to have fun. Remember how much fun your mom’s 65th was? You drank all those Shirley Temples and danced to The Black Eyed Peas with your cousin!

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Start Early

Starting early doesn’t mean you should start pre-gaming at lunch, it’s about having a plan and getting somewhere on time. If you’re gonna drop $9 on a beer and spend significant time fixing your eyeliner, make your outing worth it!

Coordinating with lots of lesbians to get from point A to Point Q, especially if you live in different places all around your town/city, is a disaster waiting to happen. Really you should just plan on going with one or two other friends and tell the rest you’ll see them there — but be fully prepared for that couple who always ditches at the last minute to ditch at the last minute because they aren’t “feeling well” or because they “heard about a better party.”

Ideally coordinate for everyone to meet up and pre-game at one person’s apartment/dorm/house before heading out. Meet up early like at 5 pm. That seems early when you’re not aiming to arrive ’til 11 pm, but believe me, by the time you all get completely ready to go, eat some pizza and drink a little booze it’ll be 11. Also figure out all the minutes it’ll take you to get to the bar — 10 minutes in your car? 15 to catch a cab? 45 waiting for the subway?

Aim for 10pm so you can avoid the epic line that dampens everybody’s spirits. You might be some of the first few people in the bar but that’s okay. Besides, realistically you won’t end up there on time anyways.

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Look Hot, Wear Pants

Make sure ahead of time you’ve got clean socks, the right bra, and the top you wanna wear. You’ll feel epically uncomfortable if your favorite shirt is dirty and you have to wear your second-favorite shirt, and you’ll have more fun if you look hot. The key to looking hot is comfort. If you feel good, you’ll look good, and generally have a better time. If you need your friends’ help to pick something, get that taken care of between one week to five hours pre-party. Oh, and wear pants.

Wearing pants isn’t really about gender presentation, it’s about convenience. Wearing a dress/skirt and therefore having to bring a purse is a terrible idea. You’ll put it down at the bar/in the bathroom/in a corner and either worry about it incessantly, forget it, or have it get stolen, which is heartbreaking because then you know that one of your fellow lesbian sisters stole your purse. Also, dancing with a purse is annoying.

Giving your cash/keys/cellphone to a pants-wearing friend/girlfriend/acquaintance is an equally terrible idea. If that someone meets another someone and they go off somewhere to do something, you can’t even access your cash to buy another drink while you wait for them to, erm, finish up. If you and that someone have a fight, and they have your stuff, you’re stuck having that fight until they decide to let you leave. Wear pants and put your cash, cards and cellphone in your pocket and attach your keys to your belt loop with a carabiner.

I went through a phase where I was always wearing dresses to girls night and sticking my cars and cash in my bra and my cell phone and keys in my boots. I learned the boot trick from Alex on Wizards of Waverly Place (that’s where she keeps her wand). This worked really well except my cell phone would drop to the bottom of my boot causing me to repeatedly step on it. Also it meant I had to always wear boots with dresses which was a bummer because it gets hot and sweaty on the dance floor. But if you must wear a skirt, stick it in the boot.

Finally, and this is a touchy subject, I think wearing pants can really calm some of those “Everyone here thinks I’m someone else’s straight friend” feelings. I think having possession of your own stuff is a much more important factor in terms of having fun and being safe, but I know for some femme queers (i.e. me) just wearing pants can ease a lot of anxiety. Plus then you’ll be warmer waiting in line and know you won’t accidentally flash anyone!

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Don’t Drink Too Much

If you don’t drink, that’s great! You’ve already mastered this rule! For everyone else, this can be a bit tricky. Liquid courage is a thing, but falling down, getting lost, crying to your ex, kissing your ex, kissing your friend, kissing your friend’s ex, losing your money or vomiting is embarrassing and not fun. It’s easy to overdo it without realizing it. Hell is getting kicked out of the club for falling too many times. Getting puking shitfaced in public (or having a friend who does) is not fun. It is the most not fun you can possibly have at any sort of drinking and dancing establishment. It is worse than 100 crying kittens in the rain.

But there’s an easy solution. Measure out your drinks. Count your drinks. Also, maybe this is implied, but make and buy your own drinks! I’m not gonna lie, if I’m having dinner with a few friends or going to a dive bar to sit around for a while I don’t always count my drinks. But when I go to a girl party? I absolutely have to.

One easy way to keep track is to wear a ring on your ring finger on your right hand and move that ring over a finger every time you have a drink. Mark the finger where you decide ahead of time you want to stop. Usually I have one less than as many drinks as I’m planning to before I leave and then one when I get there, therefore leaving more sober than I arrived.

If you’re one of those people who will put an unknown amount of booze into a water bottle with an unknown amount of Kool-Aid/Vitamin Water/Coke and drink it all the way there, then there’s a really good chance that something fucked up will happen. (Although it is way cheaper than buying drinks at the bar, and I cannot argue with you there.)  If you insist upon this, please please please prepare yourself by having three solid meals that day, and ideally also snacks.

Have Fun With Your Friends

Every now and then, you’ll make a new friend or meet a new activity partner at a bar. But one of the most disappointing aspects of girls nights is how insular some cliques of girls seem to be. If you’re used to getting hit on at straight bars, you might feel like nobody likes you at a girl bar and have all kinds of inadequacy issues. DON’T. They’re all just as nervous as you are, weirdo!

So just have fun with who you came with, and sometimes you’ll attract newcomers. Don’t huddle in an exclusionary group, and if you see someone looking alone and awkward, go talk to them! What’s the worst thing that can happen? A total stranger will be weird to you?

Leave When You Want To

Come prepared to leave when you want to. Stick an extra $20 in a separate pocket/bra/shoe just for cab fare or have a sober friend who you know will pick you up whenever you want them to. It’s okay to leave the bar before it closes. It’s okay to even leave at 10:30pm if you feel like it. A really great night can get completely ruined by waiting around for an extra two hours of shittiness.

I brought up these guidelines to a friend, and she pointed out to me that she would probably get nervous and “Leave When You Want To” could turn in to leave immediately. I was in London during Pride a few years ago and went by myself to this girl bar Candy Bar. I was so terrified and nervous (and only 20 so I had never been to a gay bar in the US) that I almost left about eight times before even ordering a drink. I’m so glad I didn’t because I ended up making friends and having a great night! With that in mind, I would say an important caveat is to leave when you want to because you’re tired, you’ve had plenty of fun already, or the DJ is really bad. Don’t leave because you’re nervous, intimidated, scared, shy, embarrassed or you spot your ex on the other side of the room. Find your friends (or make new ones) and party until you’re done. Then get the hell out before things get sloppy.

You deserve to have some fun, and going out to a gay bar should be a wholly joyous occasion. There are pitfalls to be sure and any given night can unaffectedly take a turn for the worst, but if you stick to some basic rules you should be just fine and have a great time. Good luck out there.

Lesbians Make History At Miss California USA, Look Hot, Feel Good

Way way back in 2011, we told you about Mollie Thomas and Jenelle Hutcherson, the two out lesbians running for Miss California USA. Thomas is a 2013 Autostraddle Calendar girl, and Hutcherson is a former Miss Long Beach contestant with an alternative lifestyle haircut. The Miss Donald Trump California USA pageant was held this past weekend, where Thomas ran as Miss Abbey West Hollywood (duh) and Hutcherson ran as Miss Downtown Long Beach.

A SMALL SAMPLING OF THE MISS CALIFORNIA USA CONTESTANTS

I bet you’re just dying to know what happened! Well, they didn’t place. Womp womp. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t still awesome!

More than 400 women ran for Miss California USA and Miss California Teen USA, so they had some stiff competition. Miss Hoag Hospital Natalie Pack won the crown over runner-up Miss Malibu Brie Gabrielle. Regardless of the crown winners, it seems that Thomas and Hutcherson were the real publicity winners for a pageant that would have been barely reported on otherwise. I read the Boston Globe every day and I don’t remember the Miss Massachusetts USA winners ever being so widely announced.

Though pageants are traditionally conservative and Miss USA owner Donald Trump supported Miss California USA 2009 Carrie Prejean’s anti-equality comments, the Miss California USA 2012 pageant seemed to have been overwhelmingly supportive of the two women. Keith Lewis, co-executive of the contest and an executive producer of the 2007 documentary For the Bible Tells Me So, reportedly said that this year’s pageant “will emphasize individuality and push the envelope even further.” Lewis went on to say, “This year’s event will be bigger and reflect the progressive attitudes of the contestants.” Hutcherson spoke to Autostraddle about her experiences where she explained, “I… was shown only support and love from every participant I met.”

Though many news agencies were quick to label Thomas or Hutcherson “the first” out lesbian to run for Miss California USA (probably whichever one they heard about first) I think it’s way more effective to have two out women running. Being an out gay woman should not be a singular novelty. Additionally, it’s a start in terms of addressing the flawed thinking every queer woman looks, acts or dresses the same way. I think it’s equally powerful that Thomas’s swimsuit and gown were “traditional” pageantwear while Hutcherson wore 1930’s inspired swimwear and a tuxedo. Both women were able to dress true to themselves without worrying about setting the standard for how lesbians “should” dress in pageants.

It’s clear to me that both Thomas and Hutcherson participated in Miss California USA on their own terms, but I recognize that many still question anyone’s participation in a beauty pageant. Yet, these two participants’ experiences seem to have been overwhelmingly positive. “I realized a lot of these girls go in to pageants vulnerable and leave empowered,” Hutcherson told Autostraddle, “I feel like I’ve been upgraded opposed to degraded… I am so inspired by all the support and love through this journey and it’s only just begun. Who would have thought that being yourself was all it took to empower and inspire others?!”

As for the future, it’s hard to know how the two will use their newfound fame. Thomas, who is 19 and still a part-time student at UCLA, is planning on competing again next year. I, for one, am totally rooting for her. As for Hutcherson, she’s imaging big things for herself in the LGBTQ community. “I feel I have grown into myself further as an advocate and mentor for the LGBTQ community,” she said, “My next project is to look into tuxedo branding– my own reincarnated tux designs custom made and auctioned for a charity focused on the youth– all youth.” One thing seems certain; we haven’t seen the last of either of these inspiring women.

Continue to watch Thomas’s and Hucherson’s Facebook pages for updates on their future plans and pageant careers.

Autostraddle Party In Los Angeles: 2012 Calendar Release Blowout!

Do you like girls? Then you’ll really like this party! In celebration of the twelve months of intense artistic collaboration, sweat, tears and whiskey that led to this amazing one-of-a-kind photography book/calendar situation, we’re throwing a sure-to-be-legendary party at Fubar this Sunday night.

We’ve teamed up with Thrashed, a monthly ladies party, to make this bash happen, and we really want you to come. Come out and show your support!!

Julie Goldman will be in attendance. Robin Roemer will be making a rare appearance on the Left Coast. You can also expect to see most of the 2012 Calendar Girls, stylist Sara Medd, the cast of Unicorn Plan-It, and so many more!

Calendars will be for sale at the party!

. . .
Sunday December 11th
at Fubar, 7994 Santa Monica Blvd.
NO COVER (it’s free!)
The drink special is: 2 for 1 ‘YOU CALL IT’ Drinks until Midnight
Doors open at 9pm
. . .

If you’re coming, why don’t you mosey on over to the Facebook event page and click “Yes, I’m obvs attending!” cause that would be really awesome!

Get the 2012 Autostraddle Calendar here for $18 at our store or buy it at the release party!

See you there!

Lesbian Pursues the American Dream: Mollie Thomas Runs for Miss California USA

Each year, 80-150 never-married never-pregnant twenty-somethings compete for the ultimate privilege and responsibility — calling themselves Miss California USA and representing the Golden State in the Miss USA Pageant. The contestants in both the Miss California USA and the Miss USA pageants are judged based on the “character, poise, confidence and personality” in the Interview, Swimsuit and Evening Gown portions of the competition. The Miss USA pageant is highly similar to its main competitor, the Miss America pageant, except that Miss USA omits any talent portion and, oh yeah, Donald Trump is the Chairman and President. Trump’s involvement wouldn’t matter much except that when he’s not tracking down President Barack Obama’s birth certificate, he’s basically an asshole to gay folks and defended Miss California USA 2009 and Miss USA 2009 first runner up Carrie Prejean when she said she believed, “that a marriage should be between a man and a woman” during the interview portion of the Miss USA 2009 pageant. So we have a beauty pageant run by Donal Trump where the former Miss California USA said some anti-marriage equality stuff recently. Enter: Mollie Thomas.

Mollie Thomas will be one of the first out lesbians to run for Miss California USA (along with Jenelle Hutcherson who we covered when she ran for Miss Long Beach). Thomas will be running as Miss Abbey West Hollywood (probably because she knew it would make us giggle) and has been receiving overwhelming support from the LGBTQ community there. She also just-so-happens to be a 2013 Autostraddle Calendar Girl!

“The opportunity to run for Miss California USA came up totally unexpectedly,” Thomas told me, as she had been planning to move to Shanghai in October as well as shooting a reality show pilot. Still, when approached by the head of recruitment for Miss USA, Thomas “thought it would be a lot of fun, and a great way to make a statement for the LGBTQ community.” She explained to me, “At first I was definitely a little skeptical [about running], I have never been in a pageant before…Now I’m realizing the impact I’m actually making and I could not be happier I decided to run.” In addition to attempting to break down stereotypes about lesbians, Thomas is focusing her campaign on bullying, discrimination, marriage equality and poverty. To Thomas, humanitarian work is not simply a lofty ideal; she has spent time working with disabled children in Mongolia, on an elephant reserve in Thailand (which is super cool), and rebuilding houses with Habitat for Humanity in New Orleans. Because I care about you guys, I checked. Thomas has indeed ridden an elephant.

VIA MOLLIE THOMAS'S FACEBOOK PAGE

In the midst of Thomas’s hopes and goals live the stark reality that pageants are expensive, time consuming and exhausting. In preparation, Thomas has been on a vegan diet and working out daily to ensure that she will feel comfortable in a bathing suit in front of thousands at the pageant. Additionally, Thomas must generate press to secure sponsorships from friends, family and companies to pay her fees to Miss California USA as well as to cover her (yet to be purchased) gown, swimsuit, and interview suit. Luckily, Thomas has a strong support system behind her. All of Thomas’s jewelry has been donated by the founder of Lyon Fine Jewelry, Lauren Russell. “Her company designs an equality bracelet which benefits a gay rights organization called Friend Factor,” Thomas told me, “I’m proud to be wearing this bracelet at all time, and hopefully with my evening gown in the pageant.” Thomas even enlisted a stylist friend, Sara Medd (who you may recall from Autostraddle’s own Calendar Girl shoots!), helping to coordinate her ensembles. Yet despite the enormous cost, Thomas insists she’s in this for the long haul — throughout the competition and beyond. “I’m running to walk away with the crown and title, but no matter what happens I know that I am never going to give up my fight for equality.”

The Miss California USA pageant will be held January 6th and 7th in Indian Wells, CA. You can learn more about Mollie Thomas and help support her campaign for Miss California USA at her campaign Facebook page.

Lesbian With Alternative Lifestyle Haircut To Compete In “Miss Long Beach” Pageant

A contestant in the Miss Long Beach Pageant is judged according to her performance in a personal interview (25%), evening wear (25%) and swimwear (25%), with the final 25% of the contestant’s score coming from ambiguous criteria (energy, confidence, spider-powers and physical fitness, perhaps) determined by the pageant staff and titleholders. The pageant has been held in Long Beach since 1950 and this year will be giving away $24,000 in prize money and contracts to women and girls in various categories (Little Miss, Teen, Miss, Mrs) for the “Long Beach” and “Southern California Cities” titles. The latter seems like a lot of words to fit onto a sash! Both of those things are very long words that honestly seem a bit cumbersome for a sash, you know? But these ladies can clearly do anything:

miss southern california cities 2010 looks like she could be posing for a fitforafemme photoshoot i think

The contestant must sell $100 in pageant tickets in order to enter. She will then select tasteful swimwear (1 or 2 piece, no thongs) and for the evening wear portion, the contestant will be escorted by her “father, husband, wife or another influential figure in her life.”

Sounds like another night at The Abbey!

Well, anyhow, speaking of lesbians, this all brings me to Jenelle Hutcherson, a 25-year-old lesbian hairstylist (aren’t they all?) who The LA Times describes as “rocking a Mohawk, tattoos, a pierced nose and small black ear plug-ins.” Hutcherson will be competing in this years competition. Hutcherson will be the first out lesbian to participate.

Here’s Hutcherson:

photo via LA Times

And here’s last year’s winners:

Jenelle told The LA Times that she chose to compete at the suggestion of pageant director Justin Rudd. Rudd was getting his hair cut by Janelle at the Den Salon in downtown Long Beach when the two had “an epic conversation.” “He started to tell me about this pageant and for a second I thought, ‘Oh wow, a business connection. How does one get involved?”

She reflects that she probably didn’t “quite clarify” her intentions because Rudd went on to tell her how she could get involved as a contestant in the pageant, saying “her wild colors, tattoos and her individuality would all be embraced.”

The Times says: “[Jenelle] said she hopes that by participating in the pageant she’ll help spread a message of equality, diversity and creativity, but also unite Long Beach’s large gay community.” She competes with the support of the board of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Center of Long Beach, where she is also a part-time volunteer.”

She’s set up a facebook page to solicit donations/sponsorships, keep fans updated on her progress and sewing projects, and share recent press. She’s been getting a lot of press. Look at that hair!!

She now also intends to compete in the Miss California pageant.

The most amazing part of this whole situation is that Jenelle is wearing “her handmade boy shorts and tank top inspired by 1930s men’s and women’s swimwear” for the swimwear competition. For evening wear, she’ll be wearing a royal purple tuxedo. I bet that swim situation is mega-hot and when the pageant is over she should sell it on The Bay.

Now, some feminists have had a complicated relationship to beauty pageants for all of time, although the Sandra Bullock film Miss Congeniality seems to have warmed a handful of hearts. Then Toddlers & Tiaras happened, and fuck it all to hell. Did you know Miss America and Miss USA didn’t allow women of color to compete until 1970? I just read that on The Internet. Also, two years ago there was a total freakout when Carrie Prejean answered Perez Hilton’s question about gay marriage by asserting that she was against it.

And just last week, The “Miss World” competition was picketed by 200 feminists, as hilariously described by The International Business Times:

A feminist demonstration outside the venue panicked the organizers for a while, as approximately 200 campaigners stormed in with placards, banners and chants denouncing the contest as an “appalling offence against women’s equality.”

“Let the organizers and all those profiting from the event know that we are all angry that such an event is once again being held here in London,” said a statement on the group’s Web Site.

Carrying signs and posters that read “Miss Deed” and “Miss Ogynist” in opposition to the beauty pageant, the angry protestors made it “loud and clear that this event has no place in London in 2011.”

So what does it mean when a lesbo takes the stage? A lot, actually — ultimately what Jenelle is actually doing here by entering is subverting that potentially problematic paradigm altogether. She’s doing so on her own terms, wearing what she wants to wear. If pageants promote a sterilized, homogenized idea of female beauty, then allowing Jenelle to dress in a way that reflects her own personal (and non-traditional) gender identity is, in a way, blowing that lid right off. It’s not about a gendered beauty standard anymore. We’re all just people. I hope she wins!

Power UP! Awards Honor Haviland Stillwell, Amazing Gorgeous Gay Woman in Showbiz

LGBT media/entertainment non-profit POWER UP!, not to be confused with the Nintendo-Themed Energy Drink POWER UP, has announced the winners of its prestigious 2011 Power Up! Awards and I think they made some really solid, admirable choices this year. I’m not just saying that because they just so happened to pick my best friend Haviland Stillwell, star/producer/writer of Autostraddle’s Hit Webseries Unicorn Plan-It.

haviland stillwell in unicorn plan-it

If you’re not familiar with POWER UP! or perhaps are only familiar with POWER UP! because Claire had an awkward interview at POWER UP! in Season Two of The Real L Word, here’s the scoop:

POWER UP is the only 501(c)(3) Non-Profit Film Production Company & Educational Organization for Women and the GLBTQ Community that develops, finances, produces and distributes Award Winning Films; conducts tremendously successful educational programs through our hands-on filmmaking mentorships, classes, workshops and seminars; provides career, script, television and film counseling; publishes a magazine; Awards notable contributors to the arts, entertainment and our community; bolsters our community; and unifies and validates GLBTQ persons all around the world via our films.

2008 Power UP! Awards

Founded in 2000 with the mission “to promote the visibility and integration of gay women in entertainment, arts and all forms of media” and “challenge perception through film,” the Power Up! Awards put an annual spotlight on ten amazing women in media who make your life worth living by creating things like Girltrash and Laughter. In 2009, POWER UP! went co-ed and now awards ten dudes as well as ten ladies.

Past winners include Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa Etheridge, k.d. lang, Kimberly Peirce, Lily Tomlin, Rose Troche, Guinevere Turner, Ilene F Chaiken, Jenny Shimizu, Sarah Warn, Cherry Jones, Lisa Cholodenko, Michelle Paradise, Amy Lesser, Cherien Dabis, Suzanne Westenhoefer, Liz Feldman, Susan Miller, Rachel Maddow, Clementine Ford and Kelly McGillis. 

But back to what I was talking about in the beginning which is Haviland Stillwell, a rising star of stage and screen who has a lot of feelings about galaxies, lightworkers and kale. In addition to her work on Broadway, in television, in movies and in the recording studio, Haviland once appeared in a really popular vlog series about nothing, co-starring me.

Here’s her official Power Up! Bio:

me and haviland in DC, fighting for equality

Haviland Stillwell is an out actress, singer, and producer, and feels living your truth in the open, with love and enthusiasm, is the way to true fulfillment. Growing up in Georgia, she started her advocacy work at the age of 13; marching, writing letters, and acting as the president of her school’s GSA. After graduating with honors from New York University, she made her Broadway debut in the original cast revival of FIDDLER ON THE ROOF, followed by LES MISERABLES. She relocated to Los Angeles in 2008, and has since been seen in films & television shows like SINGLE LADIES, THE CLIENT LIST, CSI:NY, EASTWICK and BELOW THE BELTWAY. Along with Ashley Reed and Sarah Croce, she created, wrote, produced and acted in the webseries UNICORN PLAN-IT, currently shown on the website Autostraddle.com. She contributes as a writer to the National Organization for Women, sits on the board of the One Dollar Project, and teaches voice and acting privately and in master classes at places like New York University, Pace University and the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra. In 2010, she released her album, HOW I ROLE, and she often plays with the band Plutonic Lovers, as well as in concerts across the country with Steven Jamail.

In addition to Haviland, this year POWER UP! will be awarding many friends of Autostraddle including Tracy Ryerson, Jessica Clark and Lesley Goldberg.

But in all seriousness, you wouldn’t be sitting here right now reading this post on this website if I hadn’t met Haviland back in April 2006. (We met and became fast friends but admitted to each other later that we’d both held off on actually investing in the relationship until confirming that the other was actually talented — after I saw her in a reading and she read a story I sent her, we REALLY became friends.)

In addition to collaborating with Haviland on creative projects including 36 episodes of the “Haviland & Riese Vlog,” and using her good looks to trick lesbians into reading my blog, she’s been my number one cheerleader for five years now, constantly there to tell me that the things I do are important and the words I write are good. She came into my life at a super weird time and her confidence and comfort with her sexuality made me feel infinitely better about my own, and finally we existed in a gay world that made sense to me. SO I can’t think of anyone more deserving — and really, she’s just getting started.

 The ceremony will take place in Hollywood on November 6th. It will be “celeb-studded.” Get ready.

Celebrate Labor Day and Homosexuality at DYKEadence in New Orleans

INTERN BREN’S TEAM PICK:

For the past 40 years, something super special has been happening in New Orleans on Labor Day weekend: Southern Decadence, a ‘round the clock street party that lasts for days. Southern Decadence has been described as “Gay Mardi Gras,” which is saying a lot ’cause regular Mardi Gras seems pretty freakin’ gay. I mean, sparkly jewelry, parades, glitter. All that stuff is in our wheelhouse. And THIS is gonna be even gayer than THAT.

via southerndecadence.net

As you can probs gather from the picture above, Southern Decadence has historically focused on the “G” in LGBTQ. Maybe the “Q” has gotten a little love, but it’s mostly all about the “G” with a majority of the events and parties geared toward gay men. This is where Dkyeadence comes in — 2011 marks the 3rd annual Dykeadence celebration. Don’t let the name fool you. These events aren’t just for, well, dykes. The goal of Dykeadence is to entertain all people no matter where they fall along the Kinsey Scale, what gender they identify as or the color of their skin.

via facebook.com/dykeadence

The Gay Bar: Where Hopes and Dreams (and Bathroom Hook-Ups) Come True

Do you remember the first time you stepped inside a gay bar or club? Of course you do. It was likely equal parts traumatizing, thrilling and sweat inducing. It might have been where you arranged your first 3-D date with an online friend, or where you met the girls who later became your lesbian posse. When gay marriage passed in New York, every queer I know ran to gather and celebrate in the streets outside The Stonewall Inn, site of the eponymous 1969 riots that launched a new era of gay rights activism. Why does so much of our culture take place in or around gay bars? Slate launched a six-part series last week examining the history, competition, implications and future of gay bar culture in our lives.

The piece discusses the relevance of gay bars in our current lives, when we don’t necessarily need to leave the house to get our daily dose of gay interaction and community, thanks to the internet and sites like Autostraddle and AfterEllen. Gay guys have Grindr, the iPhone app that’s essentially gay GPS for random hookups. Meetup offers countless opportunities to connect with gays right in your city – looking for a group of lezzies to see the final Harry Potter with Friday night? Done.

Our need for community can be met by interaction with feeds and comment streams, and our desire for niche information can be satisfied by RSS readers and email newsletters. If I can do all this in the comfort of my own home while drinking at liquor-store prices and munching on my favorite foods (instead of pretzels, the satanic snack served by every saloon in America—including gay bars), why on earth would I go to a bar?

While the number of dedicated gay bars have mostly decreased in the 4 cities (San Francisco, Manhattan, Atlanta, Seattle + Iowa) documented by Gayellow Pages from their peak in the mid-70s, lesbian nightlife has reinvented itself with party promoters such as LA’s PYT and New York’s Maggie C taking over venues and branding their own events, like Stiletto and Truck Stop.

Of course, these statistics need to be broken down into lesbian bars vs. boy/mixed bars:

Bars catering to lesbians face even greater business challenges, which is why there are so few of them. Many “gay bars,” especially outside the major urban centers, attract both male and female customers, but in big cities, far more bars cater to gay male patrons than to lesbians. According to the bar listings in the 2011-12 edition of the Gayellow Pages San Francisco has one lesbian bar, 24 indicating a mostly gay male clientele, and seven drawing both gay men and lesbians; Atlanta has two lesbian bars, 12 for gay men, and eight mixed; Manhattan has two lesbian, 28 for men, and 13 mixed; and Seattle has one lesbian, four for gay men, and six mixed.

A handful of gay writers (Alison Bechdel, Dan Savage, Susie Bright, Pam Spaulding) share their virgin gay bar experiences which inspired our very own trip down memory lane.

Jess, Senior Entertainment Editor:

So, it was 2002 and I was uncomfortably out to just a few people and still in the phase of doing all things related to gay on my own. I had just finished watching Chasing Amy for the 15th time and decided that I had to go to Meow Mix that night to see if Guinevere Turner was still introducing the singers on stage.

Anyway, I get there and was disappointed to see that while there was definitely a gay/rocker vibe, there were also A TON of straight people milling around in baggy jeans and over-sized t-shirts. This is a lesbian bar, right? Meow Mix. What’s up with the abundance of  hetero couples milling around? So, I remember chatting with a few people and leaving mostly disappointed by the overall lack of gayness involved. I would later go to XL, a gay boy club in Chelsea to see Jai Rodriguez (Angel in RENT) perform his cabaret show and that did NOT disappoint. It was basically Babylon come to life and it was everything I wanted it to be.

Laneia, Executive Editor:

I’d been out for a few months and was living in a city where I knew absolutely no one — not even myself. After searching for lesbian bars in the area, I found the one nearest my house and concluded that I’d just go, alone, which is totally out of character.

Going out to bars or clubs or really anywhere at all was something that I didn’t have much experience with, due to marriage and children, so I had no idea which night of the week was best, what time I should get there or even what I was supposed to wear.

I’m pretty sure I showed up at 9:00 p.m., wearing a brown sweater (you guys wtf) and the most awkward shoes I owned. I sat alone at a table for what felt like at least six years, drinking cheap beer and texting people, until other humans finally started to trickle in. Everyone was older than me and everyone was with another someone, obviously. The place was filling up and I decided I needed to go home before I burst into tears, but then a group of cute queer girls — who looked like me! (albeit better dressed) — came to my table and asked if the extra seats were taken. They were all very adorable and normal and I ended up dancing with the flirty femme who was there, I believe, to celebrate her break-up and the shorter half of the cute couple who would later invite me to a few barbecues at their sweet little house where there was a tiny puppy named Turtle. One time we even went to Dairy Queen for ice cream.

So see? Even the most hellaciously humiliating and uncomfortable nights can result in cute girls, puppies, and frozen treats.

Rachel, Senior News Editor:

The first time I ever went to a gay bar I had fairly recently turned 21, and I went to the Friday evening ‘ladies night’ at a mediocre regular bar. I was going with my friend and her new girlfriend, who I hadn’t really met before this outing and the whole night was partially meant for me to be introduced to her. The club we went to has since become fixed in my head as a sort of depressing place, as it has been consistently only kind of okay every time I’ve been there, but at the time it seemed like it could maybe be exciting? I think the fantasy (for all of us) was that we would enter this giant room full of cool, fun, cute gay girls and think to ourselves “Wow, I had no idea there were so many of us in this city, this is so great, these are my people! I LOVE BEING GAY.”

In actuality it was a pretty small crowd, even though it was like 11:00 p.m. (which is lateish in Boston). Everyone seemed to have come with a group of friends, and there was no real ‘mingling.’ My friend and her girlfriend were completely obsessed with each other and didn’t pay much attention to me, so I got an overpriced drink and drank it too fast while they ignored me and then wished I hadn’t finished it so soon because I didn’t have enough money for another one. On top of all this, the new girlfriend was Israeli, and in the dark bar with loud music and both of them were pretty soft-spoken I could not for the life of me parse what her name was. It got to the point where I had reached the limit of times you can ask someone to repeat something without being weird, so I had to give up and instead spent much of the night texting my other Israeli friend, telling her my best guesses for what I had heard and getting her suggestions for what this chick’s name could possibly be.

There was a pretty sizable contingent of middle-aged women in a wide variety of hats on the dance floor, and I remember being irrationally nervous that I would run into one of my mom’s friends somehow. Moral of the story, my friend and her girlfriend moved to Israel together like five months later and I eventually found better gay bars in Boston.

Riese, Editor-in-Chief:

This is actually hard to remember! I oddly went to many gay bars way before realizing I was gay — when I was 18/19 living in NYC I went to heaps of gayboy bars with my gayboy friends. I also brunched and so forth at Ann Arbor, Michigan’s \aut\ bar, where my Mom has been hanging out since 1995, but never at night.

During Thanksgiving 2001 (I was 20) in Michigan, when my boyfriend was out of town, my lesbian roommate and her crew (mostly old friends of ours) corralled me into going to  Stilleto, a lez-bar outside of Detroit. I was sort of defensively uncomfortable. I think back then when something turned me on and I didn’t want it to, it manifested itself as disgust instead, which is what I told myself I was feeling as I gaped at the Drag King Contest from a booth and this one girl strutting around to D’Angelo. I remember feeling weird and I remember two women asking me if I had a girlfriend (I said yes, I didn’t want to be the “no, A BOYFRIEND” girl) and my friends dancing with each other while I leaned against the wall, pretending to be bored and out of place.

The first time I went to a gay bar as a gay person was probs Starlette on the last day of Pride 2005. I went with my bi-friend Chase, who I’d met on Craigslist, and who I’d keep going out with all summer, along with other girls who liked girls and also a lot of girls who mostly liked drugs, which was another thing that happened that summer.

But that night we were both really scared and new. We stood up against the wall facing the bar, not talking to each other or to anyone else. I’m 95% sure I had a lot of product in my hair and was wearing an outfit I probably copied from Shane.

I remember Chase saying, “oh my god, it’s just like The L Word” because oh my fucking god every girl in that place was so beautiful/stylish and my age. I’d never seen anything like it. But also, it wasn’t like Stiletto where strangers would actually approach you, everyone was very intimidating and busy. We didn’t even go in back, which I’d later learn was where the dancing and fun happened. We stood there for like an hour not talking to anyone.

Actually I just checked my diary (yes I keep records of everything that’s ever happened ever) to see if I could remember anything else about that night and it turns out I’m wrong, actually. My first gay bar as a gay person was like a month earlier; Nowhere, which is in the East Village and had a girl’s night on Mondays. I went there straight from work to meet a girl I’d talked to on nerve.com who was super cute. There were maybe 10 people there. Eventually we went back to my apartment.  The bar itself was unremarkable.

Tell us your first gay bar experience! Did you stand in the corner, hook up in the bathroom or leave disappointed by all the straight people?

Lindsay Lohan’s Tweets Have Finally Completely Lost Me

Lindsay Lohan tweets a lot. Lindsay Lohan tweets so much and so inanely that virtually every news source in the world including us, your cousin who reads a lot of TMZ, and Samantha Ronson’s twitter feed have ceased to comment on them. Except now we cannot stop ourselves from doing so, because in the wake of the recent gay marriage victory in New York that you may or may not have heard about, Lindsay Lohan’s twitter feed is just too bizarre. We have to talk about this.

Because the thing is, Lindsay Lohan’s Twitter feed so far has a 100% solid fucking gold track record of either being COMPLETELY oblivious to any major happenings in terms of marriage equality – even or especially when they are heartbreaking and awful and bring the rest of us to tears. (Aside from that special myspace blog post she wrote about equality, kinda, while she was dating Samantha, which was sweet, I think, if I remember it correctly.)

Which is maybe not weird, considering that Lindsay Lohan is by all accounts a very busy young starlet with a lot going on and various court dates to attend and many friends to drive cars with and clubs to be photographed outside of. But also, she is for some people one of the more relatable queer public figures they have – she’s young, she’s firm in her refusal to let anyone define her as “gay” or “straight,” and has had a public relationship with another woman without apologizing for it. So it would be nice if she maybe acknowledged at least that there is something huge going on that deeply affects a community to which she at least kind of is aware of belonging to. But no!

For instance: on November 4, 2009 – which some of us think of as the day that the voter referendum in Maine was lost, and our hearts broke – Lindsay Lohan had a lot of feelings about her father’s relationship with the tabloids, and not much else.

Or on December 2, 2009, when the first attempt at marriage equality in New York was shot down:

There’s a theme here, no? The theme mostly being no theme, at least definitely not a theme of “using your public platform as an out celebrity to recognize the monumental injustice and enormous levels of discrimination that your fellow queers are facing.” Is that too much to ask of a celebrity whose other concerns include ex-girlfriends who wear a lot of slouchy hats and frequent court dates? Maybe. Which is why we’d given up pretty much on any sort of reflection of our queer selves outside of our irrationally strong feelings about Samantha Ronson in this one leggings-focused little corner of the internet.

BUT THEN marriage equality became a reality in New York, and while that elicited an emotional state that was about 95% “gleeful,” “ecstatic,” “celebratory,” and “lesbian executive realness,” we later checked Twitter and the other 5% was “Whaaaaa? Lindsay what?”

And then —

This may literally be the gayest thing Lilo has ever tweeted. Including every late-night lesbian drama mention of Sam Ronson. Also, those playing along from home will note that she has only recently changed her profile picture to an Adam Bouska NO H8 photo.

What is going on? Is the fact that we finally, finally won a thing as opposed to being denied equality at every single turn enough to make her identify with us in some obtuse way? Does she just really, uh, admire Annette Bening? Is it insane to spend this much time or text thinking about this? (I am sure we will find out your feelings on that last in the comments!) What would a Lilo/Cholodenko collaboration even look like? Am I the only one on Earth who thinks this is incredibly weird? WE HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS.

Alex’s Team Pick: Los Angeles Pride to Support Revel & Riot Gay T-Shirts

Los Angeleans! It’s me, Alex. I’m back to tell you what to do/where to go, etc as usual. This time it’s the Los Angeles Pride edition and I am telling you that if there is one thing to do after the parade this Sunday June 12th in West Hollywood, it’s PYT Productions‘ Pride Party Fundraiser for Revel and Riot.

What is Revel and Riot? Only the coolest (and Autostraddle’s favorite) gay t-shirt makers around:

I have the Harvey Milk shirt. It’s awesome. I wear it all the time.

So let’s go through this again:

1) celebrate Los Angeles gay pride at a fun PYT-made party and
2) Support Revel & Riot by doing so. That’s win/win.

Here are the deets – see you there!

PYT Productions’ Pride Party Fundraiser for Revel and Riot
Sunday June 12th, 2011
starting at 2pm
with special guests, art, and pop-up shops

Don’t forget to RSVP to write2pyt@gmail.com
Free Between 2:00 – 2:30pm
$5 cover all day or night with RSVP , $10 without

Kick Off NYC Pride With GO! and Real L Word’s Real Live Lesbians

Pride in New York City is so soon! And while it’s easy to get depressed thinking about the Rodeo Discos of yore (you guys, Mason-Dixon doesn’t even exist anymore!), there is a bright sunshine on the horizon because our friends at GO! Magazine are throwing a kickass Pride Kickoff Party that you should go to. It’s Pride! YAY!

What: GO! Magazine’s Pride Kickoff Party

Where: District 36 Nightclub, 9 West 36th Street
When: Wednesday, June 15, 7 p.m.

GO! Magazine is the epicenter of New York City lesbian nightlife and it divides its time between throwing the very best girl parties in the city and promoting the very best girl parties in the city and, of course, producing a kickass magazine which may or may not love the same people you do.

This year GO is bringing some Los Angeles residents cross-country to pollinate with all ye New Yorkers – you’ve seen them naked/half-naked, drunk, screaming, fighting, laughing and/or loving and now you’re gonna see them as the real human beings they actually are!! Did you know that Tracy seems even taller in person? You will!

Tracy, Francine, Romi, Whitney, Claire and Sara of The Real L Word will be in attendance along with 1,000 of your nearest dearest friends and exes. The event will also feature the announcement of all nominations for GO Magazine’s 5th Annual Readers’ Choice Nightlife Awards:

It’s time to nominate the ladies who keep your late-night calendar full–after all, just like the Academy, before we distribute the honors, we need to tally the votes. Join GO and celebrate Pride month at our Pride Kick-off and Awards Nominations Bash, where we officially unveil the list of nominees and categories and then roll out the red carpet and raise a glass like only GO Magazine can.They pour your shots, keep the bass turned up and probably know your ex-girlfriend. They are the reigning queens of New York City lesbian nightlife. And we are here to honor them, every year like clockwork, at GO’s Annual Nightlife Awards.

GO parties were the first girl parties I ever went to back in the heydey of my New York City youth because even though everyone from the scene showed up, it didn’t ever feel scene-y and was super diverse — like The L Word Season Four Premiere Party (with Jennifer Beals and Marlee Matlin!) (except we had to leave early because the episode was so terrible Haviland couldn’t stand it for one more minute), The 5th Anniversary Party (with Uh Huh Her, Julie Goldman,Dani Campbell, and a super-drunk Guinevere Turner!) and last year’s blowout at M2 Ultra Lounge featuring DJ Michelle Rodriguez , Kin-4-Life, Sarah Croce on the Red carpet, and, per ushe, lots of Go-Go Dancers and moderately famous women who like to go down on other women.

You can buy tickets at gomag.com. Go now, go.

Jess’s Team Pick: EveNYC Kicks Off Summertime Happy Hour for NYC Jewish Lesbians

Initially launched last fall, EveNYC provides a monthly happy hour social situation for Jewish lesbians in New York City. After a brief hiatus during the Snowpocalypse, our favorite time of year when Manhattanites refuse to exit their 800 square foot apartments for fear of the elements, EveNYC is BACK and kicking off summer in the city on Thursday, June 2 with a rooftop happy hour at Sutton Place Bar & Restaurant.

You should obviously go if looking to mix and mingle with the most charming and attractive women this side of JDate.

Thursday, June 2
Sutton Place Bar & Restaurant
1015 2nd Ave (betwn 53rd St & 54th St)
7-10pm

Facebook event

Keep up with EveNYC’s calendar of events at http://www.facebook.com/evenyc1.

Marni’s Team Pick: Rock to Walk

Hey New York-area Autostraddlers: reader and friend of Autostraddle Erin is holding a benefit this Friday night to raise money for her brother and you should go! Erin’s brother Leo was injured in a fall that left him paralysed from the neck down; he’s already made miraculous progress in his recovery, but he needs special equipment that his insurance won’t cover. Help Erin raise the money Leo needs by going to Rock to Walk on Friday, May 13th, at Littlefield in Brooklyn. There will be DJs, dancing, raffle prizes, and hot ladies, and all the money goes to a great cause. Details below!

Info from Erin:

ROCK to WALK is an event to raise funds for my little brother, Leo. In March 2009, Leo suffered an accident that severely injured his spinal cord and left him paralyzed from the neck down. His doctors said he would likely never move again below the neck, and possibly never breathe again on his own. Since then, he has made incredible progress that has defied expectation. His strength, determination, and faith in his ability to get better is an inspiration every day.

Leo has reached a crucial point in his rehabilitation process and is in need of therapeutic equipment to help him continue to progress in his recovery. This equipment is not covered by insurance and we need your help in order to get it for him. All proceeds from ROCK to WALK will go to helping get Leo the equipment he needs to assist him on this journey.

The evening will include performances by 2 amazing local bands, Bellewether and Dirty Excuse, followed by 4 asskick DJs leading the dance party – DJ TRx, DJ Noa D, DJ Roze-Royze, and Ingie Pop. We will also be raffling off some cool prizes from local bars, restaurants, and businesses throughout the night. MC Action & Auction fired up by Sir Sabrina.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone that is making this event possible.

Let’s raise hell, rock out, and raise some $$$!

ROCK TO WALK – $15 cover

622  Degraw St. between 3rd & 4th Avenue

If you are unable to attend, but would still like to make a donation – please visit the following link:

http://www.leohodson.com/fundraisers/rock-to-walk/

All donations go directly into The Leo M Hodson Supplemental Needs Trust.

Thank you so much!

Rachel’s Team Pick: BUST Magazine Craftacular

Hello, friends who live in or around NYC! Do you want to do something awesome? If no, what the fuck is wrong with you? Ok, I’m glad we had that talk. Bottom line, you should go to BUST Magazine’s Craftacular and Food Fair – there will be CRAFTS and FOOD there! It will be in SoHo at 82 Mercer Street on Saturday, May 21st, 2011, from 11am-8pm. Entry fee is $3, which is basically free, especially for a bomb-ass magazine that deserves your support. What will you be doing there, you ask? WELL LET ME TELL YOU.

Core Craft Action!: The BUST Magazine Craftacular & Food Fair features hand-picked vendors who bring the most unique indie shopping experience to New Yorkers. There will be an eclectic mix of handmade jewelry, artisanal foods, stationery, clothes and toys found at the event. Attendees will delight in specialty items such as scents and soaps inspired by literature from Latherati; swingy, summertime skirts made from colorful vintage fabrics from Orangyporangy; cheeky letter-pressed posters and postcards from RarRar Press; and sexy, flirty, eco-friendly lingerie from Clare Bare.

More Fun for Foodies!: Locavores rejoice! To celebrate the release of their recent “Food” Issue, BUST Magazine has expanded the event this year to include more food crafters. An abundance of tasty talent will be found at the show including a variety of chefs, local culinary personalities and gourmet foods. A full 10% of the vendors will be food-oriented, featuring delicacies from local purveyors such as Robicelli’s famous cupcakes, Sour Puss pickles, organic Italian antipasti from Dolce Nonna, locally sourced candies and caramels from Liddabit Sweets, and hand-blended infusions from Not Just Tea. Since no food fair is complete without a food truck, the ever-popular Red Hook Lobster Pound will park its newly launched restaurant-on-wheels just outside the venue to feed hungry shoppers. As an extra bonus, everyone at the fair will receive a FREE copy of BUST’s Food issue.

Food Celebrities!: Erin McKenna, owner of Babycakes vegan bakery and author of BabyCakes Covers the Classics: Gluten-Free Vegan Recipes from Donuts to Snickerdoodles , will make a live appearance to sign copies of her new book at 3pm, as will Gabrielle Hamilton, owner of the Lower East Side jewel-box restaurant, Prune, and author of Blood, Bones & Butter: The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef, at 5pm.

OK? OK. Super. Make moves. MAKE CRAFTS.