Q:
I’m a trans man and most queer people read me as a butch lesbian, but I really like this. This has been confusing me for years, I’m positive I’m a man but butch does feel right too and I always relate heavily to butches. I know trans men sometimes are lesbians but it’s not just that, I like femininity; I like to dress up sometimes, I can be quite girly. Basically I’m a feminine trans man that fits in best with butches but knows he doesn’t really fit the definition. I guess my questions are how fem can butches be? Can trans men be butches? And what makes a butch, butch?
A:
Hey, OP. I’m Summer and I think it’s great that you’ve found congruence in two identities that others would find mismatched. It speaks to a sureness about yourself that only exists when you’ve found something that fits you, and are prepared to live it. Kudos!
Now, for your question. Mixing femininity with butch identity has existed for as long as being butch has existed. Butch identity is occasionally traced back to androgyny in the 1920s, and as we know, androgyny isn’t devoid of femininity. Portraits by Romaine Brooks famously depict androgynous and masculine women of many stripes. Brooks’ self-portraits and photos also depict multitudes of fashion and character that aren’t always fixed to femininity or masculinity.
Butch-ness has never emerged out of isolation. In some of its formative decades in Berlin, butch existence merged into queerness in a way that seems familiar today: take-all-comers queer clubs where people came as they were in contravention of cis-het norms. The idea of fixed identities based on preset characteristics and boundary fences should sound pretty absurd to queer people, but it doesn’t stop us from petty gatekeeping and arguments. Butch identity is no exception.
If it gives you comfort, your question has been asked by almost every butch since butch became a thing. There’s nothing more concretely queer than asking if we’re queer enough. Femmes of all stripes on the other side of the fence are asking their version of the same. I’ve never met a trans person who didn’t question their identity long after everyone else was sure of it. I don’t think queer people benefit from fences and gatekeeping because it separates us from the diverse expressions and interests we originated out of. Doubt pecks away at queer psyches every day and I don’t think we need to introduce more.
For those of us who do enjoy categories, butch femininity is already covered. Soft butch and futch (femme butch) are well-established identities. The exact difference between those two groups isn’t clear because the difference should only make sense in the mind of someone who identifies with one or the other.
Trans men who lean into less confined versions of masculinity often do so by keeping some androgyny or femininity in their lives. They do so for understandable and relatable reasons. Cis masculinity can be very hostile to queer people and corrosive to enjoying a full life. Trans people often find comfort in queer groupings. Transition doesn’t require a hard swing to the opposite alignment and there’s nothing wrong with retaining femininity or masculinity in places that make sense. Queer joy often derives from freeing ourselves from categories except those that spur a happier life. I think your situation is one of those situations where the label has reached the limit of its usefulness and it’s time to cultivate something personalized to you.
So, how feminine can a butch be and still be butch? As femme as you want until you bump into your comfort zone. You don’t sound insecure to me, so I suspect any amount of masculinity you’re comfortable with will be sufficient to hold your secure self-esteem up.
Can trans men be butches? I don’t see why not, unless we want to return to viciously gatekeeping queerness. Others may not see the congruency in your identity that you do, but I think we’re all accustomed to resistance and occasionally explaining ourselves. Good people will understand or see your vibrancy even if they don’t fully grasp your identity. Before I transitioned, I sometimes said I felt like a lesbian in a man’s body because being a heterosexual man just didn’t make sense to me. Even if those identities are incongruent, they made sense to me and gave me comfort. That’s what mattered.
What makes a butch butch? My guy, we were fighting over stuff like that back when the mortar that made up Stonewall was still limestone. Defining personal identity is something that exists on geologic timescales. All I know is I’m sure I’m not butch and you know you are. That’s the ideal starting point. You are butch. You can draw out your version of butch from there. Add to it as you please.
I think you’re already on the right track. You opened your letter with, “I’m a trans man and most queer people read me as a butch lesbian, but I really like this.” It sounds like you’ve already found something that works for you. The only adjustment I’d recommend working toward is replacing the ‘but’ in that statement with ‘and’ and seeing if you feel better about it.
You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.
Comments
As Summer says, you’re not alone! I would recommend IG accounts like @butchisnotadirtyword and @butch.order which feature butches across a whole range of gender identities. Also @transmascstudies, tagline ‘Researching masculine-leaning gender diversity through history’, has definitely had posts about people who identify/identified as butch.
Hi! This article has nothing to do with me, and this is my formal request that you please leave me alone and stop using homophobic slurs towards me or anyone else for that matter. Please stop commenting about me and speculating on my sexuality.
Mods, please delete this comment. It is homophobic and has nothing to do with the article topic.
This is very interesting, because on one hand the very core sense of self is free to be defined as anything; you can be two or more totally ‘contradictory’ things and that’s fine. However, *relationally*, I think it becomes more complex.
The reality is that while OP identifies both as a man and as butch, it’s important to remember that butchness is part of lesbian culture traditionally, and most butches are lesbians (although I know some bisexual women and transmasc folks also ID as butches) – this means that existing as a man in these spaces will probably be difficult, and I’m sorry to say that many folks in these communities will be uncomfortable with OP’s presence – not because they’re transphobic, but rather because they respect the fact that you are a man, and men – cis and trans – are generally unwanted presences in lesbian spaces, which have been (and continue to be) historically and systematically intruded upon by men (cis men in particular) as acts of violence. The reality is that men in lesbian spaces make these spaces feel unsafe, even if the man is trans, non-passing (complicated idea, I know), etc. This is not to say in any way that OP “can’t” identify as butch – people will and do project their own stuff on other people all the time and will perhaps read OP as a butch lesbian on the street – it’s just that claiming that identity is a complicated act relationally. Genderqueerness, non-binaryness, transmasculinity, and even a form of genderqueer manhood have all been part of lesbian and butch lesbian history, yes. The experience of never having a safe space away from men is also deeply a part of the lesbian experience for many.
Striking a balance between honouring historical and ongoing butch gender complexity and a relational sensitivity for butches and lesbians alive today might be a big task and burden for OP for as long as they claim butchness. I have a lot of empathy for OP, I used to ID as a trans man and now ID as a non-binary butch lesbian, and I know from first hand experience how complex it is. When you’re a man and you don’t enjoy cis man privileges it’s easy to become oblivious to how women feel around you, I think. So stay aware and compassionate, but also like, live your best life.
This comment is better than the reply in the article. Please, have some sensitivity towards lesbians and how we are constantly encroached upon and denied any space we try to carve out for ourselves.
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Moderation, please. This comments section has been overrun by garbage people.
Ivan Coyote writes about this in their book with Rae Spoon. Trans men can absolutely be butches and I think many are. In contrast to a comment above, as a lesbian I know when a man in my space is community. Love a butch trans guy at the lesbian party, and I think folks who get upset at seeing a man might be the type who aren’t community to butches and queers of other stripes anyway. Butch is yours and it always has been because it belongs to butches, not some bigger umbrella community of lesbians.
This is it – they are many times when a trans man and a butch lesbian might be indistinguishable from one another – I know studs who take T, trans men who dress femme, he/him lesbians. I don’t feel a need to draw hard lines when porous, fluid ones suit just fine.
Came racing down to the comments to recommend Ivan Coyote and was so pleased to see you already had. Heck yes you can be both. “Butch is yours” makes me want to cry :’)
Absolutely agree. The comment above doesn’t reflect any of the lesbian/FLINTA/dyke spaces I frequent. Trans men who want to be in those spaces are welcomed and celebrated. The suggestion that they’re seen as “encroaching” is absolutely not something I recognise.
“There’s nothing more concretely queer than asking if we’re queer enough. ” So much this! 😁
FWIW, I’ve been ID’ing as “Trans-Dyke” for years (FWIW, I’m AFAB). Butch-ness is something I inhabit . . . but I’m just careful around other butches, because I’m not nearly butch enough! LOL
From a few years back on RPDR, I’m so grateful to *Gottmik*, for exploding so many minds. Masculinity, feminity, Both, Neither, mixed up in frothy mix of deliciousness. THERE. ARE. NO. RULES. (Don’t let fucking Trump tell you otherwise!) Do what feels right TO YOU!!! 🏳️🌈 ⚧️