Welcome back to Boobs on Your Tube! It’s time to talk about the week in queer TV! On Autostraddle dot come this week, Kayla recapped an illuminating episode of The Bold Type and Valerie recapped a heartbreaking episode of Wynonna Earp, Carmen and Riese watched the new season of Orange Is the New Black, and Heather reviewed Alia Shawkat’s lesbian indie film, Duck Butter, and made you a feel-good summer movie list.

Here’s what else!

Younger 508: “The Bubble”

Written by Heather

The thing I always complain about most on Younger — this show I really truly love despite all reason! — is that Maggie often gets left behind. It’s not nefarious or neglectful the way most supporting lesbian characters on half-hour comedies get written; it’s simply that Younger has evolved to spend most of its time with Liza’s work crew and work drama, especially once Charles became a big part of her Bridget Jones-y love triangle. The same thing has happened to Josh this season, and has always been true with Lauren. This week, though! This week, Maggie finally got her own rom-com within this sitcom, right alongside Liza and Charles’ straight-o shenanigans!

Let me just get this Liza and Charles thing out of the way real fast. Number one: That beard! Sir! Number two: If someone asked me to meet them on the steps of the New York Public Library to make out in the middle of winter and then asked me to go with them all the way down to Battery Park to ride the SeaGlass Carousel in the middle of winter, I would know they are a monster and end our relationship immediately. The only sound reason any of these mid-winter NYC hijinks make sense is maybe rich people with their fancy town cars with fancy heaters don’t get as cold as the rest of us, walking around and shivering in the bowels of the city waiting for the train. Anyway. That beard!

This is Josh, and you know Maggie, we’re both her ex-girlfriends.

This is the way, it’s the way that we live…

Lauren throws a dinner party this week to introduce everyone to this gal she met and is interested in turning into her pal, and of course only Maggie and Josh show up because Liza and Kelsey are out with dumb boys. Well, the gal in question is none other than Maggie’s season three love interest, Malkie! She is mine and Maggie’s favorite of all her exes! It becomes clear pretty quickly that Malkie’s not over Maggie and Maggie’s not over Malkie, which they handle maturely by taking jabs at each other about, like, eggplant parm that immediately become jabs about how Maggie can’t commit. Maggie doesn’t prove Malkie wrong when she gets up and leaves.

The next day Maggie shows up at Lauren’s door with flowers to apologize for making a scene, but always-amazing Lauren is like, “Buddy, take those flowers to Malkie, come on.” They kiss on the cheek (I’d really love to watch this other show that Lauren and Josh and Maggie always exist on) and Maggie rushes off to Malkie’s boutique to apologize for all of it. Last night’s dinner, the way she got scared of being with Malkie (and also how scared she was of her friends), and she wonders, out loud, if maybe Maklie wants to try again. She does. But she won’t. Because relationships are about doing the work and she doesn’t think Maggie’s got what it takes to do the work.

I’d never ask you to go to Battery Park in December, girl.

Well and Maggie shows her! She recruits Josh to help her paint a mural across the street from Malkie’s boutique. She does this in the span of an afternoon wearing red kitten heeled booties, which frankly seems more painful than any work I’ve ever done for anything in my entire life. When Malkie comes out of the store at the end of the day, Maggie’s standing there like the end of a rom-com, like YOU’RE A WANKER NUMBER NINE, and Malkie smirks and rolls her eyes and kisses Maggie on the mouth because she’s a goner.

I really hope Younger sticks with this. We’ve never really seen Maggie in a relationship for an extended period of time and it’d be cool for her character to see this development and extra-cool to see her working that out alongside the show’s supercouple and their new polyamorous relationship with Charles’ beard.

In other news, I continue to learn so much about fashion from watching this show.

Claws 208: “Crossroads”

Written by Natalie

Quiet Ann was completely justified in walking away from the crew last week. Desna had spent weeks prioritizing the voice of her Russian mob boss and her new beau over her friends. And when Desna discovered that her new friends were actually foes, she throws in with the Hussers — the same people who have been shortchanging Desna for years — to exact some revenge. Then, consumed by the need for payback, rather than what’s best for her and her crew, Desna pulled them all deeper into the game. Ann believes in loyalty but she doesn’t believe in stupidity, especially stupidity that could land her back inside, so she’s out. But, when she gets word that Desna’s in trouble, Ann puts aside her anger and rushes to help.

Unable to get any information from Arlene — who’s busy interrogating Desna as part of an FBI task force — Ann and the girls head back to the salon to make everything appear normal. Desna uses her one phone call to Polly and begs her to get her a lawyer. She neglects to tell Polly (and, by extension, Ann) that Arlene’s behind this whole mess; instead calls the crew to action. There’s a moment where Polly questions whether it’s Ann that dropped a dime on Desna and Ann is offended by the suggestion… besides, as Jen points out, if Desna goes down, none of the other girls are far behind.

“Y’all, Desna says it’s go time,” Polly says and, as if they’ve been preparing for this eventuality for years, the girls all know exactly what to do. Polly will gather the cash to pay a lawyer. Jen will doctor the appointment book to make everything look legit and Ann and Virginia will shred all the bank statements. Before they can retreat to their stations, Desna’s brother/Virginia’s fiance, Dean, calls them out on the bad choices they’ve been making and excoriates them for obstructing justice. He’ll handle things on his own, he says, and stalks off and the girls return to the salon to handle their business.

Meanwhile, Arlene’s trying to emotionally blackmail Desna into flipping on her accomplices, urging her to think about the damage a 25 year jail sentence could do to her brother and her crew, and, for a moment, it seems like Desna considers it. Ultimately, though, she stays quiet and contemplates what it all means and how she can get her life back on track. At Desna’s bail hearing, Fortune Feimster (!!!) shows up as Desna’s counsel, Lauren Zorloni, and wins her bonded release… which Zlata, of course, covers.

When Desna returns to the salon — which had been wiped clean in advance of the FBI’s raid — the crew greets her warmly. Ann’s warmth quickly dissipates, though, when Desna explains that she’s gotten back in bed with Zlata and the Russian mafia. Ann remembers now why she’d walked away in the first place and is about to walk out again when Desna drops the truth about Arlene’s role in her arrest. Ann immediately accuses Desna of lying but she explains that Arlene’s been using Ann this entire time and is actually working with the FBI.

Later, as she accompanies Ann back to Arlene’s place, Desna tells Ann that she was right and that she should’ve listened to Ann. The admission seems to be enough to put the friends back on solid ground and Desna waits while Ann goes to confront Arlene.

“This is what I had to do to get my job back, a job I lost because of you,” Arlene says in her defense, which, you know, is totally valid… they did drug her and get her temporarily kicked off the force. Still, though, Arlene is ice cold during her confrontation with Ann; there’s no flicker of emotion to suggest that their relationship was ever anything more than a job for her, even as Ann begs her to admit otherwise.

“I can’t be with anybody who lies to me,” Ann says, admitting out loud what they both now to be true: it’s over… the only thing we don’t really know is if it ever really existed in the first place.

Ackley Bridge 209

Written by Natalie

The tension that’s been bubbling up between Razia and Sam overflowed this week on Ackley Bridge. First, the girls have a confrontation in Phys Ed and, later, hostilities resume in biology class. Given the bullying that’s already taken place between Raz and Sam, it’s surprising that these girls are made to be in the same class, much less sitting at the same table, but I suppose separating them wouldn’t make for a helpful plot device. Ultimately, the girls decide to settle things once and for all, after school. Worried that she won’t win a fair fight, Raz slides the dissection scalpel into her blazer pocket. Meanwhile, Missy texts Nas to warn her about the upcoming fight between her sister and would-be girlfriend.

Half the school is onhand for the showdown, chanting “fight! fight! fight!” as Sam and Raz stand face to face. Nas shows up just in time and quietly begs Sam not to fight her sister and she acquiesces. When Sam tries to walk away, Raz pulls the scalpel out of her pocket and goes to stab Sam, but she nicks her sister instead. Sam picks up the fallen scalpel just as the school’s vice principal happens upon the scene… he jumps on Sam, assuming that she’s caused the injury, and everyone else is just stunned silent.

All the girls are called into the principal’s office, with Nas and Raz accompanied by their mother and Sam by her racist grandfather, who led the “Keep Britain British” rally a few weeks ago. It seems improbable that everyone still believes Sam stabbed Nas, given the sheer number of witnesses (including Sam’s cousin) and the video recordings, but the administrators are set on transferring Sam to a pupil referral unit. Her grandfather chastises Sam for having come to Ackley Bridge in the first place and claims she’s been radicalized by Muslims. Each time he offers up some racist remark, Sam’s there to call out his bigotry. Convinced that Sam’s changed, Nas admits that it was her sister that stabbed her.

Back at home, Raz is fuming that her sister sold her out while her mother tries to understand why Nas would rush to Sam’s defense. The room crowded with her family and Missy’s family, Nas can’t look at them as she admits that Sam is her girlfriend. When she’s looks up, though, Nas is greeted with warmth from her best friend, her half-brother, her mom and her grandmother — “follow your heart and take your head with you,” her Nana says in Urdu — and a harmless joke from her brother. Predictably, the only one that reacts poorly is Raz… who storms upstairs to move out of the room she shares with her sister.

The next day, Missy’s determined to put an end to Nas’ melancholy and drags her across the school parking lot to where Sam is sitting. Sam apologizes for her grandfather, acknowledging again that he’s a racist, and Nas admits that she told her family Sam was her girlfriend. They clasp hands and stare at each other lovingly… which would be great, but….

“When this community finds out [about Nas’ sexuality], they will rip her to bits,” Mrs. Paracha explained to Missy earlier in the season. Those are the stakes that Ackley Bridge has set for Nasreen coming out… and so, while there’s something heartwarming about seeing Nas finally get the girl as the episode concludes, stepping out so publicly feels incompatible to the threat that we’ve been told exists for this character.

Quick Hits

Queen Sugar 310: “Here Beside the River”

Two things of note from this week’s Queen Sugar: first, Remy and Nova broke up. As happy as I want to be about it (“Sisters before Misters,” Nova!), the pair still seem unfinished, so I’m not convinced that Queen Sugar is ready to put this awful storyline behind them yet. Second, Brian Michael Smith returned to the show this week as Toine Wilkins, the trans police officer we met last summer. Once again crossing paths with his childhood friend, Ralph Angel, Toine warns him about his toxic masculinity.

“You’re a good dad, Ralph Angel, but all that man shit? This man shit right here,” Toine says, jabbing RA in his chest. “All that’s going to do is take you closer to losing him.”

Anyone could’ve said that to Ralph Angel — Remy, Hollywood or even Nova — but the fact that it’s Toine is a quiet affirmation of identity. — Natalie

The Young & the Restless

Before Tessa can hop on a train to meet her outlaw sister, she has an epiphany. Rather than choosing between protecting her sister or having a relationship with Mariah, she decides she wants both… a decision that Mariah happily embraces. — Natalie

General Hospital

Last week I mentioned that Lexi Ainsworth, whose character, Kristina, absconded to Oregon back in October, would be returning to General Hospital soon. This week we learned that Kristina will be returning to Port Charles alone, as Ashley Jones — the actress that played Kristina’s professor turned girlfriend — will reprise her role on The Bold and the Beautiful instead. I hope this doesn’t mean they broke up because I’m not sure how much of Kristina’s mother’s sanctimony I’ll be able to stand. — Natalie

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