Happy New Year, my dear friends; I hope you used your holiday break wisely and caught up on all the TV shows you’ve been missing. The winter hiatus is almost over and you’re running out of time to figure out what the heck the big deal is with Root and Shaw, and Clarke and Lexa, and why Jane the Virgin is the best thing on television. TV comes rushing back in earnest next week, and so I have compiled a handy list of shows that feature queer women and the exact date when they will return to your open arms.
TV Intern Karly has also recapped our TV hibernation saviors, webseries Couple-ish and  ‘Til Lease Do Us Part.
But first! I read every comment you leave for me in this column and ruminate on every suggestion you make, and these are my two main takeaways from 2015:
+ You want a real recap for a queer show for grown-ups, because not everyone is into Faking It and Pretty Little Liars.
+ You want more standalone critical thinking pieces about queer TVÂ things immediately after they happen.
I am going to make sure you have both of these things in 2016. I’m working on a plan in my brainspace now and I will tell you about it soon!
When Your Shows Are Coming Back
January
Grandfathered, Jan. 5
Pretty Little Liars, Jan. 12
Code Black, Jan. 13
Younger, Jan. 13
Arrow, Jan. 20
The 100, Jan. 21
Legends of Tomorrow, Jan. 21
Black Sails, Jan. 23
Jane the Virgin, Jan. 25
The Fosters, Jan. 25
The Vampire Diaries, Jan. 29
February
Fresh Off The Boat, Feb. 2
Grey’s Anatomy, Feb. 11
How to Get Away With Murder, Feb. 11
The Walking Dead, Feb. 14
Broad City, Feb. 17
Blindspot, Feb. 29
March and More
Rosewood, March 2
Once Upon a Time, March 6
Empire, March 30
Scream, April 20
Couple-ish
Wednesdays and Fridays on YouTube
Written by Karly
Dee and Rachel debut their couples channel, explaining/lying about how they met and fell in love. It’s awkward and cute. They even kiss, and yes it’s been gif’d on Tumblr. Dee and Rachel do a lot of couples challenges. I don’t know a lot about YouTube or couples, but this looks like a lot of fun. Especially when you can make up terrible trivia about each other because you aren’t actually dating, like Dee loving Kidz Bop (but the original gang, not the new hooligans). In real life though, things are tense. Dee and Rachel fight all the time, while Amy tries to keep the peace in the middle. Dee is still angry at Rachel for lying, so they revenge-bang strangers all over the apartment and poor Rachel has to hear it.
So, Amy and Rachel hold an intervention and Dee is ready to explode. Dee is scary when they’re angry. But later, in a sweet scene with Amy, it’s clear Dee is so mean to Rachel because they’re still angry at their ex for lying and cheating. But Amy assures Dee that Rachel is not that bad. I agree. In fact, I’ve forgiven her for lying to immigration already, haven’t you? Of course Amy’s one famous follower reblogged Dee and Rachel’s first video and now they have a bazillion subscribers. So it looks like Dee and Rachel are stuck doing the couple thing. Dee and Rachel’s couple videos are uploaded by themselves, so it’s like a show within a show! It can be frustrating that Couple-ish is taking its time introducing characters, plots, and backstories but it’s ultimately rewarding because I feel like they’re actual people. Every new episode is becoming my new favorite. They’re taking a short hiatus, but will still be uploading 6 new fake-couples videos in two weeks.
‘Til Lease Do Us Part
Monday through Friday on YouTube
Written by Karly
Til Lease Do Us Part wrapped up the season last month and I’m sad. If a whole series can be a cinnamon roll, this one would be the best and most pure. Right after we left off, Elliot skypes with her mom and her mom cuts to the chase: she wants gay grandbabies and Elliot is not getting any younger. Elliot is 21 by the way. Lexi overhears the nagging, so she naturally sits down on Elliot’s lap and introduces herself as the girlfriend. My one issue is that Elliot’s mom has no idea who she is, even though Lexi and Elliot were best friends in high school. But sure. My mom knew who my best friend was in high school, especially if I had a crush on them. Anyway, Elliot’s mom wants them to kiss. Me too, Mom, but why do you? Either way, Lexi obliges and obviously this was a huge mistake. After the skype call, Lexi wants to talk about her feelings and also make out, but Elliot refuses to kiss her again because Jess is her best friend. Her tiny, cute best friend.
Later, Elliot, Jess and Lexi go out on the town but only Elliot and Lexi come back home. Whoops, they left Jess behind. They are alone together, drunk, so they immediately start making out [in a very well soundtracked scene]. A few minutes later, Jess comes home with pizza and they try to play it cool. When Jess and Elliot wake up covered in pizza crusts at 4 p.m., Elliot wants to tell Jess what happened but they keep vomiting every few seconds. Lexi comes down the stairs with her bags: she likes Jess but it’s not working between them. Elliot blurts out that they kissed. Lexi admits she likes the both of them, but doesn’t want to hurt their friendship so she decides to leave. After she’s gone, Elliot apologizes profusely but Jess says she loves Elliot (“no homo” LOL) more than she did Lexi, and they’re still best friends as long as Elliot doesn’t hit on an her next girlfriend. They also fist bump because Elliot finally got a girl to like her. It’s the sweetest moment, even though the entire dialogue was interrupted by vomiting every few lines. I hope you don’t have a strong sympathy-gag reflex.
God I’ll miss this show. More Elliot, more Elliot!
