Mrs. Witham stops by to give Gladys a talk about not sleeping with boys that aren’t your boyfriend. It also seems to a thinly veiled rehash of someone in the Witham family cheating on someone else? Gladys is like, whatever, mom, I am using an alien’s brain now and barely understand what you’re saying.
Vera thinks they should have a mixer to help the new girls fit in better. Because let’s face it, there is noting in the world that can’t be solved by Robyn and cheap liquor.
Carol tells Gladys she has seen Vera sluttin’ it up. Gladys is like, I just joined her Slut Pride Girl Gang and we are uninviting you, Carol. I feel sorry for Carol. It’s not her fault she’s super square and has had no exposure to nice people. Some day she is going to discover the world of tumblr social justice and have a lot of great outlets for her destructive feelings.
The mixer is underway and it looks about as fun and socially lubricated as the first two hours of Ladies’ Night. Gene shows up because General Assmunch clearly has nothing else to do with his life, and Lorna tells him that Gladys wants to “use him.” Lorna, did you get an alien brain too?
Carol has set up the most lesbian game possible called Pass The Orange which I didn’t even know was a game that could be played and *not* lead to gay sex acts.
Betty decides this as good a time as any to confront Reggie about being her personality twin. Betty, you’re killing me.
So that doesn’t go very well.
Gladys and Gene are in Gladys’ car going for that long innuendo-filled drive we’d all dreaded. R.I.P. Gladys’ taste in men. Again, I am blaming the alien brain that is the only way to explain this behavior.
Kate tries to flirt with Ivan’s buddy Buster, whose name I was really hoping was Buddy, but he blows her off. Ivan is that Token Nice Guy and gets her some punch, but everything about this interaction is giving me Really Bad Feelings in my Lesbian Department.
Reggie and Betty come to final terms. All I want is for Betty to take this baby dyke under her wing and teach her the ways of the pantsuit. Anyway, they make amends, and it’s adorable.
And so, a Lil Broship was formed.
Gladys and Gene get into a near car crash because Gene’s a fucking idiot and then they are overcome by their loins. I just…no.
Carol gets a sleazy guy to slut-shame Vera by saying she’ll bang anyone for a pair of earrings. Low blow, Carol. Super low blow. You’re gonna need a lot of tumblr processing to figure out where you went wrong here. Vera insults the dude’s manhood and walks out with her head held high. Vera, you are flawless.
Gladys and Private Dickhole are in the middle of the dirty when they are stopped by the cops who I guess have nothing better to do than disturb outdoor sex in the countryside? I mean, I know Canada doesn’t have crime or whatever, but this seems like overkill.
And guess what? The cops called her PARENTS! Ugh, Gladys is so grounded. So much for homecoming and prom and Mackenzie Zales’ party.
Vera is still human so that whole stunt Carol pulled makes her upset. Marco goes to comfort her, and can I just say that Marco would have probably made a really great dad to the little cannoli? R.I.P. Baby Cannoli, your dad gives great hugs. Vera says she doesn’t regret any of her choices. High five to Vera, high five to the Bomb Girls writers, high five to everyone who made it possible for a girl to do what she wants with her body on a show and make it a-okay and not something to be ashamed of.
Since there was a minimal amount of heartbreak in this episode, everybody get your feelings out because they’re about to be trampled! Kate and Betty are PAINTING EACH OTHER’S NAILS. Gay, gay, hands, gay, hands, gay. I mean, this happened:
Kate says that Ivan asked her out. Holy Ripping Out My Soul, Batman. Betty’s face when Kate asks for approval pretty much destroyed any hope I had of feeling joy again. I feel like the show’s OTP is actually Betty/Deep Personal Pain.
He’s a nice guy. You could do a lot worse.
Are you sure it’s okay?
Mhm. Help me pick out a dress?
Sure.
Mr. Akins says Vera would be the best pick for office manager but he can’t give her the job after what happened at the party from hell. But he definitely won’t give the job to Carol either, so technically Vera wins. She is flawless queen of this office and the world.
Reggie is going to stay with Lorna now, which is the one redeeming thing Lorna has done this episode. Alien brains, I am telling you. Speaking of brains, it looks like we’re gonna tackle a PTSD storyline soon.
