Bomb Girls 203 Recap: Beards Are For Shaving

Marco and Gladys play hooky to go deal with their similar Daddy Issues. Vera has been acquiring lots of love tokens and can I just say GET IT GIRL. Lorna is disappointed in Vera’s lack of enthusiasm for the Beef Tongue Badge, and Vera says she would rather earn a Pretty Pretty Princess Badge. Vera is my femme inspiration.

IS THIS ABOUT THAT ‘SLUT PRIDE’ BADGE THAT YOU CONFISCATED FROM ME

Gladys and Casa Marco stop to picnic because apparently Italians cannot go twenty minutes without ingesting pasta or they will implode. As someone who has dated Italians, I can confirm this.

author’s note: i’m sorry gladys is there an environment that you don’t look fucking perfect in

Bob is trying to get a job, but they have a strict Anti-Grumpy Policy. I didn’t know Canada was ever this unfriendly ever, guys!

Leon runs into Betty at Ye Olde Smoking Poste and tells her that Kate’s been a little too thirsty lately if you know what I mean. He suggests church, which is often to lesbians what buckets of water were to the Wicked Witch of the West. Betty says she’d rather have sex with a dude and blows him off. Ha…ha.

just spell the alphabet out seriously she’ll love it

Gladys and Casa Marco show up to the internment camp, all ready to get dressed up for the big dance and spring Marco’s dad. The guard says he has no idea who they are or what they’re doing there, and Gladys says she doesn’t think her father, the inventor of Toaster Strudel, would be too pleased to hear about this.

i drove all the way here in gucci heels you piece of shit

Casa Marco is finally reunited. Marco tries to talk his dad into cooperating but he is not willing to work with people who have such strong feelings against linguine. Ugh, I miss the fetus pastry jokes, guys. There is only so much I can do with pasta.

son is that a cannoli in your pocket or

Since this week’s episode is all about makeovers, Vera gives Brownie Troop Leader Lorna a complete makeover. Then they go to Friendly’s for ice cream and have a sleepover while they cuddle puppies. Because that’s what Brownie troops did, right? Right?

and it won’t rub off on either pair of lips

At first Lorna is like no way, but then she looks in the mirror at home and is like yes way. It’s really adorable, I’m sorry.

totally taking selfies later and uploading them to my self care tumblr

Marco’s talk with his father isn’t going super swell because a) his father refuses to cooperate and b) his father doesn’t even think he is gonna look good in his homecoming dress. Then he salutes Mussolini which is kind of a big no, and they detain them both. Gladys sort of wishes she were back at the lesbian commune right now, eating organic snacks with her lesbian friends and swapping stories about menstruation.

MARIO! LUIGI!

Vera picks up a new soldier because this is her new hobby, this picking up soldiers and getting awesome presents from them thing. Again, continued YOU GO GIRL.

damn girl you look perkier than this nipple hat i’m wearing

Down at Outdoor Sex Lookout, Betty and Ivan are listening to the big game while Ivan tries to get his big game on. Eeeerrrggghhh. At first, Betty seems her usual reluctant self, and I really need Ali Liebert to stop making these faces so I will stop crying hysterically. Ivan brings Hitler up one more time, and Betty finally gives in, just as the announcer yells HE SHOOTS HE SCORES.

REALLY DUDE ARE YOU BACK ON THIS HITLER SHIT AGAIN

For those of you who don’t speak hockey, Ivan put his kielbasa in Betty’s haggis after fondling her neeps and tatties.

TABARNAK

I want to be serious for a hot second, because while these recaps are usually a non-stop party of lesbian sex jokes, there are important things happening in this show that deserve a serious discussion. I usually rant and rave about how mainstream media forces lesbian roles to require certain tropes, mainly that lesbian characters often sleep with men because it will make them remain “appealing” to the male population that watches television, that it allows for the commodification of female bodies, that no matter their sexuality they must always remain sexually available to male eyes. And I’m sure there are some people who reacted negatively to this scene. We remember the Betty of last season who spent so much time building the confidence to be true to her feelings, who seemed to know herself well enough that she was dyke-nodding the other queermos in the bar, and owning her love for Kate. I think we even felt her more at the beginning of this season, but we have to remember a few key things: Betty’s entire life was at stake. An accusation of lesbianism was one that could ruin a life and livelihood. Being called a deviant was no passing insult. And this was not the age of It Gets Better and a community that encouraged coming out of the closet. This was a time when homosexuality was dangerous. Assigning anger to Betty because she slept with a man is holding her to standards that were not available in her time. This is not the efforts of the media behind Bomb Girls to make Betty a more attractive character. This is the reality of the time. This is a thing that happened, and happened often. And it should make us sad and angry, but we should also understand that circumstances were different and we are incredibly lucky even for the small progresses we’ve made.

In other news! Vera’s boyfriend turns out to be a coward and she is “over it” because her body is a temple and not about to be tainted by his bullshit. He tries to slut-shame her but SURPRISE DUDE she is not about to feel ashamed of her body or her sexuality. Ugh, Vera, I love you so much.

did you not notice the “no coward zone” tattooed on my pubic line

Casa Marco is held overnight. Someone makes a mysterious call and frees Marco! Unfortunately he is looking a little overcooked.

NOW WHO’S GONNA DANCE WITH ME AT HOMECOMING LOOK AT ME GLADYS JUST LOOK AT ME

Betty finds Kate having a moment with her Perfect Disney Face in the mirror, and realizes something needs to change. Also, are we to assume they are sleeping in the same bed together? WHY ARE YOU DEPRIVING US OF THAT SCREENTIME, BOMB GIRLS?! IMPORTANT THINGS ARE PROBABLY HAPPENING THERE.

i just really don’t want you to start one of those jenny season 4 spirals you know what i mean

Bob has got a newsstand to keep his retired grumpy hands busy. Lorna looks so pretty (!!!) and can I just say that if this season is about her becoming like ACTUALLY happy and content in herself and her life, I will be so pleased? Also they HAVE A FAMILY WHISTLE?! My family just kind of yelled each other’s names until one of us felt like responding.

we ran out of hustler this morning but there’s still a few playgirls left

Betty takes Kate to Leon’s church, where they have very different reactions to the message of love and acceptance. First of all, Ali Liebert, let me just repeat that you need to stop making these faces or I will not have a goddamned heart left. Kate leaves early because she is used to solving her emotional issues by singing to talking birds and dancing through the forest.

STAHP

This whole being true to oneself stuff is really striking a chord with Betty, who promptly has The Talk with Ivan.

So Betty shaves her beard. This is much nicer than when I broke up with my high school boyfriend by emailing his mom to tell her that I wouldn’t be coming to his birthday dinner because I didn’t really feel anything for her son.

Lorna and Bob come home only to hear the family whistle (why was the family whistle necessary? how did the family whistle come about? DEDICATE AN EPISODE TO THE FAMILY WHISTLE) and Eugene is home! It’s adorable. This is all adorable. I am again overcome with one million feelings and this show needs to stop tearing out my heart, okay?