“Batwoman” Episode 305 Recap: Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Another week, another jam-packed episode of Batwoman! We have a lot to cover so let’s jump right in, shall we?

There’s no “previously on” this week, but that’s okay, because it means we’re treated to the absolute joy of watching new roomies Alice and Sophie engage in the age-old roomie tradition of movie night. (Have we…seen Sophie’s place before? If we have, I surely don’t remember, but that exposed brick is to die for!) The two are in normie clothes watching a horror movie (incredible set-up for the rest of the episode if I do say so myself), and Alice is adorably terrified. They hear a noise on the balcony, grab empty bottles to attack the intruder, and quip about how Alice drank Sophie’s good wine that I assume she was saving for an eventual Wildmoore date night.

Speaking of Wildmoore, the intruder is none other than Ryan, who seemingly got the memo about everyone in the CWDCTVLGBTQ universe traveling via balcony. She’s there to pick up Alice to investigate a lead from Montoya. I swear, this pairing of Alice and Sophie is already giving what it needs to give, and I really hope we get more of these two because Rachel and Meagan’s comedic chemistry is GOLD.

Alice and Ryan arrive at a crime scene where a man is wearing a pink feather boa and strung up by what Montoya believes to be Catwoman’s whip. Ryan thinks it’s fake because there’s no way a whip infused with Wayne tech could be destroyed by a mere pocket knife. Alice has no problem letting Montoya think it’s real because the faster they finish this assignment, the faster they can get on with their lives. Ryan intends to do just that though, because she entrusts the handling of the vic to Mary since homegirl has dinner plans with her mother!

At Wayne Enterprises, Ryan is on the phone attempting to calm investors when Mary comes in waving the dinner invitation from Jada around. As she runs down all the reasons this dinner would be a bad idea, including Jada possibly uncovering Ryan’s secret identity, she gets incredibly thirsty and chugs all the water she can find. Much like, I don’t know, one would water a plant???? I noticed that Mary’s wardrobe and makeup were both getting greener, but what I didn’t catch on first or second watch was that her fun buns were an homage to Uma Thurman’s Poison Ivy! This show just gives and gives and gives. Despite Mary’s worries, Ryan informs her that she’s going to the dinner and plans to bug Jada’s office to get some dirt on her mother.

Back at Sophie’s loft, Alice is giving Sophie shit about being Ryan’s date to dinner tonight as Sophie frantically gets ready as if it is, in fact, a date. Ms. Moore is rocking a FLY orange dress, a pushup bra, and the nerves of someone presented with the very real possibility that the feelings they’ve been trying to push down just might find their way to the surface. And another thing, good luck trying to convince me that Sophie didn’t get all those plants as a way to have something other than Batdrama to talk to Ryan about. Who among us hasn’t developed a deep interest in our crush’s favorite hobbies?! Anyway, Alice is living her best life right now; her meds are working and she’s hallucination free, so the last thing she wants is to be dragged away from her “vacation”, but dragged away she becomes, because Montoya calls her in to the office.

Ryan and Sophie arrive at Jet Manor and y’all, the way I gasped upon seeing these two beautiful Black women dressed to the nines, standing next to each other with a height difference that continues to attack me every week?!?! We deserve this. We truly do. Ryan is incredibly uncomfortable in the house with the butler and the chandelier and the winding staircase, and Sophie assures her that it’s just a power play to get in Ryan’s head. Both of these women are strong in their own right, and they both have these moments of vulnerability with the other. Recently, it’s been Ryan letting Sophie see through the cracks of her hero exterior where self-doubt and insecurity lie in wait. And every single time, Sophie is right there to reassure Ryan that she is enough, just the way she is. Meagan and Javicia are so good at subtly amplifying those small moments in ways that make this burgeoning relationship feel real and earned.

Lady Jet struts down the stairs and is a bit taken aback by the presence of an uninvited guest. Before Ryan can introduce Sophie, Soph introduces herself AS RYAN’S GIRLFRIEND! THIS IS NOT A DRILL, FOLKS! WE HAVE FAKE DATING! I REPEAT, WE HAVE ONE OF THE BEST FANFIC TROPES IN THE SHOW CANON! Fake dating leads to the discovery of real feelings leads to confessions of love leads to happiness and happy people just don’t kill their husbands! Huh, that one got away from me there, sorry y’all.

As if the show could sense I was becoming unhinged, they bring us back back to earth with a jarring scene of the chef creepily getting dinner ready by chopping the head off a pig and laughing maniacally. Casual.

Meanwhile, Sophie and Ryan are regaling Jada with the tale of how they got together, and they’re scarily on the same page. It was obviously a Taco Tuesday (GAY), and it involved Sophie saving Ryan from choking on chips, or something.

Jada, playing the role of caring mother, remarks on how beautiful their story is, and Ryan agrees that it’s so special when you find that person, and she knows that she can always count on Sophie to be there for her. You know, like if Ryan was dying and Sophie wrapped her arms around her and reassured her everything would be okay. Hypothetically, of course. Sophie excuses herself to find the bathroom and I assume releases the breath she’s been holding since Ryan looked her in those gorgeous brown eyes.

Ryan’s done playing nice with Jada and wants to know exactly why they’re having this dinner. Jada doesn’t pull any punches and warns Ryan to shut down whatever she has going on with Marquis or she and everyone she cares about will suffer. And speaking of Marquis, he suddenly shows up to the house with a guest of his own, and he’s furious with Ryan for not telling him about the dinner.

Meanwhile, Sophie’s snooping upstairs to find Jada’s study and plant the bug. She has Luke on comms and gets everything set up, before taking an extra minute to examine a photo of Jada and Marquis that’s on her desk. She discovers the hidden part of the picture showing Jada’s ex-husband, and before she can get Luke his photo to run through facial rec, the comms feed goes offline. Sophie rushes out, but not before Jada catches her in what is very clearly not the bathroom.

At City Hall, Alice and Montoya talk through the situation with Catwoman’s fake whip and, well, Montoya talks about it. Alice wants to dig into Batman and Catwoman’s sex life, including the most perfect burn about not thinking heroes did things like that (IYKYK). Montoya’s frustrated about the fake whip so she cracks a beer and puts Alice to work sorting through files to find the culprit. No one seems to fit the bill (though there are some nice Easter eggs, like Talia al Ghul), until Alice notices a file much larger than the rest; a file belonging to one, Poison Ivy. She calls out Montoya on their actual mission being to find the viny vixen.

Back at the most awkward dinner to ever dinner, Miss Zoey takes it upon her (white) self to give everyone at the table a lesson on modern family dynamics, per her dissertation, because of course she does. It’s the caucasity for me, your Honor. She excuses herself, and Jada and her kids get into it about trust and the fact that Sophie was snooping around upstairs. Ryan takes this moment to thank Jada for giving her up because even though she wasn’t rich, she traded in that silver spoon for a home and love and a real mother. And whew, that one looked like it might have actually punctured Jada’s ice cold exterior.

Meanwhile, Zoey’s in the bathroom and can’t feel or move her arms. Suddenly, a man in a pig mask appears behind her and in a twist from classic horror tropes, random white Zoey is the first to die. I love that these writers are like, enemies to lovers? Yes; fake dating to real dating? Yes; a Black person dies first in the horror episode? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

As Marquis gives his own speech about family and loyalty, the remaining dinner guests cheers, drink their wine, and slowly start to feel the effects of a paralytic kick in. The chef reveals himself as Professor Pyg aka Lazlo Valentin aka the former chef at Jeturian. He intends to get revenge on Jada for firing him and causing him to lose his family by making her watch him slowly kill hers. Ryan stabs Lazlo and goes to look for Zoey while the others attempt to escape. I didn’t know I needed a horror-themed Batwoman episode in my life, but my word am I glad we got it. I don’t think I breathed from this point in the episode until the very end.

Ryan finds Zoey dead while the others realize Lazlo locked them in the house and blocked all cell service. As they struggle up the stairs, Lazlo grabs Sophie and Ryan channels Mrs. Weasley with some “not my girl, you bitch!” energy, and whacks him in the head. They make it to Jada’s panic room (casual) and Marquis starts seizing.

Oh, was your adrenaline already high from that scene? Well strap in because now it’s time for MONTOYA / POISON IVY WERE IN LOVE BACKSTORY. This show really said, “sorry, did you think we were done with the casual queerness? You are very incorrect.” Montoya tells Alice, who is enraptured and sitting criss-cross applesauce, how she and Pamela met at school and neither saw a future without the other. At least until a competitive classmate of Pamela’s injected her with a deadly combination of herbs and greenery that changed her entire physiology. She was a different person and that shift tore Renee and Pamela apart. Alice accuses Montoya of putting her career before her girl, but Montoya defends her choice based on her mindset at the time. She thinks Batman hid Ivy under the city because she asked him to, but before Alice can dig any further into that, she starts to hallucinate again.

Back in the panic room, Marquis’s blood pressure is rapidly decreasing (thanks, Apple Watch) and they realize he needs adrenaline. Good news: there are Epipens in the house! Bad news: they’re in the basement and the only way down there is right past Professor Pyg who’s currently building a bomb. Jada attempts to distract Pyg on the intercom as Ryan sneaks by, but homegirl is still paralyzed and her body betrays her as she slams into a pile of very loud pots and pans. Pyg attacks her, but she manages to make it to the basement.

Meanwhile, Jada asks Sophie if she’s actually Ryan’s girlfriend AND SHE DOESN’T SAY NO. Ahem. She tells Jada that she’s Jordan Moore’s sister, and Jada doesn’t seem to know anything about the freeze serum experiments on Jordan and her friends. Sophie doesn’t buy it and frankly, neither do I. Jada does seem to be genuinely concerned about Marquis though…

At the clinic, Mary’s examining the victim and explaining to Alice exactly how she saved Jordan using methods inspired by plants because they’re so much smarter than humans. This is one of those times when nothing I say will capture the brilliance of Nicole and Rachel’s performances in this scene. Alice’s little thumbs up!! Ugh, genius.

Alice opens up to Mary and asks for her help because the delusions are back. Unlike when she was convincing herself that sewing face masks was a tea party, she’s no longer in control of what’s happening to her and she’s so clearly terrified by it. Mary, or whatever is inhabiting her body, has little to no sympathy for Alice. She tells her that all of the pain she’s caused were the seeds she planted for the garden she’ll be buried in. WHEW! Way harsh, Tai. Mary’s still scratching at her arms though and Alice finally asks what the deal is. It doesn’t take much for her to realize Mary got into some poison ivy. It’s not lost on me that Alice is both the one who planted the “the Bat team doesn’t care about you” seed with Mary and the only one who actually notices that there’s something off with her.

Back at Jet Manor, Pyg uses Ryan to bait Jada out of the panic room, and it works. Jada even refers to Ryan as “my daughter.” Ryan uses an Epipen on herself, throws the rest to Sophie, and attacks Pyg. Once Sophie and Marquis are up, a fight ensues, and y’all no joke, Sophie and Ryan stop MID FIGHT to just stare into each other’s eyes on the floor. Have I mentioned I love this show? And then, Marquis appears behind Pyg, bludgeoning him to death, much to the horror of his mother.

Alice is back at City Hall, tells Montoya that the actual killer is Flamingo, and also waves around the dead ivy and calls it Renee’s girlfriend. Montoya is stressed though, because those vines only die when Ivy infects someone new and me thinks this doesn’t bode well for ole Dr. Hamilton. Can we just, can we let Mary be happy for like 30 seconds? Please?

Back at the house, cops have arrived at the scene and Sophie casually walks up to Ryan and asks what she’s thinking about (?!?!?!). She tells Ryan that her gut is saying Jada is hiding something, so Ryan decides to go find out what it is. But before that, she carefully wraps up Sophie in her blanket as the latter becomes the literal heart eyes emoji. Sophie takes a beat, and you can almost see her decide to risk it all by saying this next part: “Great first date, huh?” She says it semi-jokingly, in that way you do to protect your heart in case the response isn’t what you hoped. But Sophie has nothing to fear, because Ryan turns around with the biggest smile on her face and agrees that it was definitely memorable. MY HEART CANNOT HANDLE THIS BUT ALSO BURY ME IN THE ANGST PLEASE!

Anyway, Jada’s in her study and Ryan comes in to ask what’s wrong. Jada tells her about Sophie’s bug and reiterates that she had no idea about Jordan or the human experiments. Everything she’s done is because Marquis is sick. She gives Ryan a bunch of tapes from Marquis’s childhood, and we learn that the Joker used the joy buzzer on Marquis when he was younger and it turned him dark. We watch video after video of sociopathic tendencies beginning to bloom in him.

Jada tried and failed to get help for Marquis, until she found out about cryostasis. She planned to sideline him for a bit until she found a permanent solution. The last video Ryan and we watch is of Marquis filming his dad eating a burger that Marquis spread peanut butter on, knowing that his father was deathly allergic. Jada claims to have been protecting Ryan this whole time and she needs her help to stop Marquis. We end on Marquis staring at his reflection and painting a frown on his face with Lazlo’s blood.

Every single time I think this show is going to zig, it zags, and I love it so so much. What did y’all think of the episode? Hit up the comments below and I’ll see ya next week!