Stylish-of-Center: Back to School Tomboy Butch Looks for the Fashionably On Time
photography by riese bernard
As Frank Ocean recently said, “summer’s not as long as it used to be.” That’s especially true when you’re going back to school, like me! After taking a few years off I’ll be starting community college this week, and my venture into the world of “adult education” is as new to me as my venture into THE WORLD OF FASHION. Specifically: my queer, masculine-ish-of-center, tomboy baby butch fashion. One morning I woke up and realized I was completely unsatisfied with (almost) my entire closet, and have since been on a journey to find my style-of-center, mixing Goodwill finds with brand-name bits from the sale rack.
Day One: Bad Boi Has an Awakening of Adulthood and Wants To Further Their Academic Pursuits to Grow as a Person
1. Izod White Collared Shirt 2. Navy Slacks 3. G2CB Binder 4. Canvas Sk8-HI Vans 5. Detroit Tigers Baseball Cap 6. Gray Crop Top 7. Poler Field Pack
It’s the beginning of the week. I’ve got the energy and I want to look like I’m taking community college seriously (because girl, I am). The vibe I’m really going for is “bad boi has an awakening of adulthood and wants to further their academic pursuits to grow as a person” because that’s my truth and I want to tell it. I usually get my collared shirts at thrift stores, but for this white shirt I wanted a starchy collar for ultimate nerd vibes and JC Penny had the answer. Sometimes I wear binders, sometimes I don’t, but the way binders enable me to fit into boys/mens button-ups makes me wanna lead all the queers in a “Hallelujah” chorus, and not the Rufus Wainwright building.
If I’m feeling a little more flowy and chill, this pretty rad gray crop top from American Eagle helps me get my #butchcrop vibes on. I’ve started experimenting with pants from the men’s section, and a couple of months ago David Beckham and H&M came out with these sporty-slack-joggers that make me feel pretty cool. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to exist anymore, but you can definitely go for the same look with some slim-fit chinos.
Day Two: Skater Boi
1. Thrasher Magazine T-Shirt 2. Dickies Slacks 3. Sk8-HI Vans 4. Gym Socks
Now that everyone has seen just how high you can button your collar, your serious student vibes are not to be questioned. This is when you hit-em-up style and go classic skate park circa 2005. Ironically, this is exactly how I looked in 2005 when I… skipped school to go to the skate park.
My Thrasher Mag tee brings back solid memories and projects my roots, and I’m serious about these gym socks as an homage to the beloved Avril Lavigne. I love the fit of these men’s Dickies slacks too. Kinda profesh, kinda makes me want to see how long till I can spell S-K-A-T-E in Tony Hawk Pro Skater. Also, this is a look in which I don’t feel the need to explain the state of my haircut. Bonus!
Day Three: (Butch) Leggings as Pants
There’s nothing more infuriating to me than a man talking about something he knows nothing about. Specifically: the movement that is “leggings as pants.” Can I get a hell yes to athleisure? I don’t know why it took me so long to join this movement, but I’m never gonna leave to make up for lost time. It’s the middle of the week, already your professor has figured out a way to deplete your printing budget at the library and if he changes his office hours one more time you may just lose it. This calls for putting on “Kanye’s New Workout Plan,” forgetting your troubles, and going for a quick jog (approximately two-ish minutes before I get winded and need a time out). And no shame — I’ll show up to the new office hours, in this exact outfit, feeling confident, cute, and fit. You can’t stop me!!!
Day Four/Five: TGIT/F
1. Denim Jacket 2. Flannel Longsleeve 3. Skinny Jeans 4. Timberland Boots 5. Oversized Black T-Shirt
Fridays are Fridays for a reason. Everyone needs a stopping point. As excited as I am to learn new things and grow as a person, I’m gonna need a break. That break will probably include dancing with queers at a gay bar downtown and drinking away the idea of MLA format. This year, I was super excited to invest in a pair of Timberlands. As a person who gets 75% of their wardrobe from Goodwill, Timberlands were a serious expense, but if you’d spent as much time as I have drooling over pictures of Drake wearing his, you would’ve done the same. Luckily for us, there’s a lot of shoes that look similar and don’t break the bank! For this “look,” we’re going all black. To quote one of my favorite movies, Walk The Line –
Vivian Cash: You can’t wear black. It looks like you’re going to a funeral.
Johnny Cash: Maybe I am…
And guess what, you are! Funeral to the school week! You’ve got approximately 48 hours to recuperate, feign sanity, and do it all over again. One of my favorite trends to come out of this year has been the oversized and boxy tees. It’s the cut I’ve been looking for my whole life. And like the lesbian I am, I paired this with with a flannel or a denim jacket (both thrifted), though if you’re feeling doubly gay I daresay do both.
Best of luck out there, I know I’ll be needing it. At the very least we’ll look good trying.
Top 10 Most Incredible Dinosaur Movies Of All Time
In the beginning, there were dinosaurs. And that was it. They roamed, they ruled, they straight-up chilled on our good planet until (probably) a meteor came out of nowhere and led them to a fiery and unpleasant and (almost but not complete, IMHO) extinction. DINOS, y’all! I’ve always been fascinated by these creatures and, in anticipation of the new Jurassic Park — ahem — WORLD movie, I’ve been thinking about dinosaurs even more than usual. Perhaps you’ve also experienced a resurgence in interest. Maybe you’ve been watching the chickens run back and forth in you and your girlfriend’s backyard and thinking about their ancient lineage. Maybe you’ve recently pinned a little brachiosaurus figurine to your new super-cute collared top and a super-cute girl gave you a thumbs up. MAYBE you just want to sit/lay on your best friend’s couch all day and watch dino-centric movies and eat popcorn for dinner. Baby, this one’s for you.
1. Jurassic Park, and Jurassic Park III, but definitely not The Lost World
Here’s where it all began. Me, just a little tyke, sitting too close to the television, watching a man struggle against the most awesome creatures to ever exist. They were HUGE and fast and smart. They fought. They ate. They chased Jeff Goldblum! I was mesmerized! And soon thereafter I became obsessed. 20 years later, I’m still obsessed.
The reason I don’t include the second film, The Lost World, is because even as a kid it didn’t seem to hold to what Jurassic Park was all about — wonder, humans failing against nature (one of my favorite archetypes) — and also, it was all focused around this boring hetero white family who couldn’t get their shit together. There was no epic dino-fighting/dino-attacking scene, which, regardless of science or logic, is definitely my favorite kind of scene. Anyways, the first and third are my favorite you can’t change me!
2. The Land Before Time
So I tried to remember how many of these movies were made, and I got up to six — and then when I actually fact-checked myself, I learned that there were FOURTEEN of these movies?! Did the Now! That’s What I Call Music enterprise merge with an animated dinosaur series and nobody told me?! Anyways, these movies were a very intricate part of my childhood. I watched them so many times, learned so many names of dinosaurs and their personality types (perhaps asking longneck or triceratops was our child-version of the Myers Briggs). They got a little musical-y too, which is about as high as my musical limit enjoys. Let’s have a sleepover and watch these. All fourteen. Yep yep yep!
3. Dinosaur
This was my first IMAX movie experience. I remember breaking my neck to try and see every detail of all the dinosaurs. Looking back, the movie was pretty depressing (though there is a happy ending!) but it’s SO GOOD. I kept naming things “Aladar” years after this came out. Also, the production of this film is actually pretty amazing if that’s your thing (it’s mine, too).
4. We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story
The 80’s! Aliens! ANIMATED DINOSAURS AND A NOSTALGIC NYC! If Autostraddle isn’t a John Goodman fan club, I will bow myself out. I feel like I don’t have to say too much about this movie because it’s so good. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT
5. Theodore Rex
I actively remember renting this from Blockbuster (RIP) and while all my other gal pals fell asleep during Janelle’s b-day party extravaganza (seriously she always had the best birthday parties), I popped this sucker in and enjoyed WHOOPI GOLDBERG investigating CRIMES with a dinosaur named THEODORE.
6. Godzilla (1954)
Along with other totally inappropriate movies I watched for my age, another early memory is Godzilla. My favorite nights were TMC’s b-side horror nights, where the claymation and stop-animation effects would come out of the woodwork. The miniature sets that we’re built and the voice-overs, I could eat popcorn and M&Ms and watch this movie and it’s cousins (King Kong, The Creature from the Black Lagoon) every weekend if you wanted. Do you want to? Do you want to come over?
7. Journey to the Beginning of Time
Though the entire plot is centered on four straight cis-white boys (yada yada yada, amirte?), as a child I somehow just projected myself into the cast. #bois4lyfe They find a cave in the NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUM that leads them to… DINOSAURS. Just like many of us still know in our hearts that our Hogwarts letter will come when the time is right, I also know in my heart of hearts that I will someday see a dinosaur. THEY AREN’T EXTINCT.
8. Monsters Resurrected
Though this is more of a documentary – I remember I was watching a series of TRUE LIFE REAL FOOTAGE docs on the Loch Ness and this came up and obviously I tuned in. Mostly, I just remember their reincarnation of the plesiosaur and I immediately drew the conclusion that I, yes tiny child I, had just figured it all out: NESSIE WAS A NON-EXTINCT PLESIOSAUR, IT ALL MADE SENSE! Though I am now older and wiser, I’m still not totally convinced I’m wrong. Remember when Discovery Channel played cool stuff?
9. Walking With Dinosaurs
Memaw would highlight programs for us to watch in her TV guide, things of special relevance to us and our interests, and we would plan entire days/weeks around these highlighted rectangles. 1990’s CGI technology? Promises of new knowledge surrounding the -aceous and -assic eras? I WAS SOLD. IT WAS HIGHLIGHTED. WE WERE GONNA WATCH.
You won’t be disappointed. there’s even a “making of” Walking With Dinosaurs, meaning you NEVER HAVE TO STOP. No but seriously, I use dinosaur facts a lot in my everyday life, and I think I got most of those facts from this show.
10. Jurassic World
Okay, call me a hype beast, but it’s already one of my favorite movies and I haven’t even seen it yet. Since 2002 there have been rumors of another movie, and I have asked “how high?” to every jump they gave. Though there are already going to be so many different things about this movie compared to the other ‘classic’ three, I CANNOT WAIT. I’ve been waiting. I’ve been watching the previews over and over and I usually hate previews! They’re basically just a bunch of spoilers but guys there is a PLESIOSAUR I AM READY, TAKE ME.
Sunday Top Ten: Spectacular Nature Documentaries For Watching While Wrapped Up In A Blanket
Welcome to the seventh edition of Sunday Top Ten, a list of completely random and undoubtedly self-indulgent things that may or may not be published on a Sunday or number “ten.” This feature is a continuation of the Sunday Top Tens I used to write for my earth-shattering personal blog Autowin, where I talked about myself pretty much constantly from 2006-2008.
Hello, world, and welcome to the Sunday Top Ten. Yesterday was Saturday Staycation Spectacular Day and I promised my girlfriend Abby I wouldn’t work all the live-long day long, but prospects were dimming on Friday as the big day approached and my to-do list continued to attack me with its monster claws. That’s when Abby — who was home sick but goes insane if she’s not being as productive as possible at any given moment (just like me! match made in heaven!) — asked if there was anything she could do to help ensure I’d actually have a day off this week and I was like, Yeah you could write the Sunday Top Ten for me. SO HERE WE ARE.
If you followed my work back when I was a tiny thing with a little blog, you will recognize the grand tradition of outsourced Sunday Top Tens, which in the past have included my pal Crystal, my little brother Lewis, my then-girlfriend TB and my best friend Natalie.
If you’ve only followed my work here on this website, you’re also likely aware that I don’t do animals, science or nature. I had to take one science class in college and I took a class about monkeys because monkeys are cute. I took it pass/fail. I PASSED. That’s the best science-related thing I’ve ever done. According to reader surveys, my disinterest in these topics is very sad for you! HERE’S YOUR BIG CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT NATURE AND SCIENCE MOVIES, YA WEIRDOS. Speaking of weirdos, if you ever wondered “will Riese ever find a life companion who can out-weirdo her” — good news.
TOP 10 NATURE DOCUMENTARIES THAT I WATCHED WHILE WRAPPED IN A BLANKET AND TOTALLY ENGAGED
by Abby
1. At the Edge of Space (Nova / PBS)
This was one I immediately clicked on just because of the title. It talks to real-life scientists about real-life PHENOMENA w/r/t space and time and all the mysteries in between. Also, we all know that NOVA can do no wrong.
2. The Blue Planet (BBC)
First off, this might become a list of documentaries about life in the ocean because that’s my fave subject. This was the first documentary about life in the ocean that I watched after the way-too-perfect Planet Earth series. Second off, David Attenborough narrates. Third off, sardines. Fourth — sharks and whales, sharks and whales, SHARKS AND WHALES!!!
3. Crocpocalypse (Nat Geo)
Don’t always judge a book by it’s cover, sure — but do often judge a documentary by it’s clever title. After you watch this, I would love to hear your opinion on crocodiles as a possible household pet.
4. Leave it to Beavers (Nature / PBS)
This was amazing. I saw this sometime last year when I was tripped out on cough syrup and thought I was watching The Angry Beavers — but instead stumbled upon an eye-opening piece on the true genius of beavers. They call them hydro-engineers! Which is also what I think Riese’s brother’s job title is. Maybe they should rename this documentary Leave It To Lewis.
5. Wild China (BBC)
I’m actually watching this as we speak. It’s amazing. China is home to a diverse array of climates and terrains. Wild China goes from cave fishes to swallows in rice paddies — all while explaining the history and culture of these diverse regions. Also how cute are the monkeys?! Like come on.
6. David Attenborough Wildlife Specials (BBC)
I could get a tattoo that says “I LOVE DAVID ATTENBOROUGH” and never regret it. I could take Autostraddle’s “Misandrist” tee and scribble just underneath the finely-laid gold print “except David Attenborough.” I’d buy David Attenborough a sandwich at Whole Foods and not even wince when the cashier asks me for twelve dollars. If I like him so much, why don’t I marry him, right? Cause I’m just a little too gay. A little too gay. So instead, I’ll just watch “Humpback Whale: Giant Of The Oceans” over and over. Although this could be a list of “Top 10 Nature Documentaries David Attenborough Is Involved In,” I’m going for a little more rounded approach. But don’t that stop you from a D.A. marathon. Go forth!
7. The National Parks: America’s Best Idea (PBS)
The National Parks are possibly the best thing about this country. Even if it’ll take me a lifetime to get to all of them, Ken Burns and his camera crew will do in the meantime. Them panoramic shots, am I right?!
8. Africa (BBC)
I used to wonder why celebrities would put movie theatres in their houses when they are in the 1% that can afford a movie ticket — and then I watched this. This makes me want to build a house of movie screens and watch this everywhere. P.S. Guess who narrates?!
9. Vanishing Pearls
Though this is definitely more on the political side of nature documentaries, I still think it’s very important to include. It’s so good. It’s so so good. Sometimes I’ll even tear up while talking about and/or hearing about it because it’s so good. Watch it. So good!
10. Search for the Great Sharks (Discovery)
I don’t give a damn about their bad reputation — I love sharks. I’ve always loved sharks. I’m pretty sure this was one of my first nature documentaries – my grandma took me to see it in the IMAX theatre in downtown Indianapolis (big day out!) and it was love at first bite (haw haw). Intelligent, athletic, and the victim of some pretty gnarly marketing (re: Jaws) these creatures have endured and hopefully will continue to. Also — be the coolest kid during Shark Week and know ALL the shark facts!
What are your favorite nature documentaries, readers?