Apple Tablet to Debut Next Wednesday?! Here’s Our (Weirdo) Sneak Peek!

Finally, we can almost kind of definitively maybe for sure say that without a doubt we are probably certainly going to see an Apple tablet really soon. As soon as next Wednesday, Jan. 27th 2010 at 10am PST, if Apple’s mysterious invitation to some lucky journos isn’t an elaborate soul-crushing hoax!

“Apple sent e-mail invitations to journalists Monday morning for a “special event” to be held next Wednesday in San Francisco. “Come see our latest creation,” the message says.” – nytimes.com

apple event invitation image courtesy of gizmodo

Guys, Wednesday is so soon! And Apple’s technicolor paint-splatter explosion image just makes me that much more excited. More exciting still, it looks like the mythical Mac tablet likely won’t be the only Apple announcement. Mr. Jobs and co. might also whip out the iPhone 4G to compete with Google’s Nexus One with features like an updated camera (with flash, prob), multi-app support and a higher resolution screen, if I had to guess.

“I spoke to a source at Apple this morning, before the invite hit my inbox, who said the event would likely focus on three projects: The tablet device, iPhone 4, and a new round of iLife 2010 software. While we won’t see new iPhone hardware just yet, we will see the next-generation software.” – foxnews.com

But how can we make it until Jan 27th, you might ask? How can we survive a week of sustained exhilaration? Well, here’s one way, Autostraddle style.

Yes, that means we decided to let you in on what we know about Steve Jobs‘ technological second coming. Which is to say that we know absolutely nothing whatsoever. Yeah, there’s been lots of tablet concept art. But was it this gay? And did it make this little sense? Doubtful.

So, here it is! Our completely top-secret glimpse into the mystery of Apple tablet, the iSlate, the iPhone grande, the flat-Macbook-thinger-of-my-dreams! We hope our exclusive concept art, which is exclusive in that it is exclusively really, really weird, makes the wait ’til 10am PST next Wednesday the teensy-tiniest bit more bearable. Enjoy!

Autostraddle Apple Tablet Concept Gallery:

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taylor

Taylor has written 136 articles for us.

35 Comments

  2. If the tablet really did all the things that Riese’s tablet did, I would consider finally buying an Apple product.

  3. I would buy an app on my Apple Robo Tabled that programs it to destroy Taylors tablet if it ever would run a Martha app. (I like the cooky baking feature though, and I love you Taylor. Want a kitten?)

      • note: i searched my inbox for “becky” + “taco”

        “It has a top hat and a 3D monocle connected via USBs, one of these USBs glows in the dark. It comes with a mandatory gay sex background that you cannot change though it may update itself in accordance with the seasons. The wheelies are for instant skateboard mode. The pink taco in the corner converts it into a Kindle. The music notes represent the ring-tone. You know, for when people call your laptop.”
        (Becky)

        yess

  5. The day I discovered that biscuits didn’t have to come out of a Pillsbury tube changed my life (and the day I discovered how wrong “biscuits and gravy” sounds to my English friends has provided endless amusement).
    But as nice as a family recipe sounds, I’m pretty sure a Macbook offering me gravy and wagging its tail would scare me into leaving civilization. I loved the disclaimer.

    These were too funny. I love this site SO MUCH.

  7. I really think the new Apple Tablet will just be an iphone with robot limbs and features. How awesome would that be?! “Wait a second, my robot is ringing.” or “Does that game also comes out for my robot?” or “I think my robot just ate Wikipedia.”

  8. Hahaha, Taylor. I really do think that image reveals a lot about your psyche. Not that I wouldn’t love a device that made me biscuits and had a gravy boat. Mine would have a puppy though. Too bad I was feeling lame and uncreative that week and didn’t have my own submission! :(

  10. I gotta give Robin full credit for the stone tablet design. My version was made on Apple’s version of Microsoft Paint.

  11. I think touch products are annoying. I feel like screens aren’t supposed to be touched. they used to tell you in elementary school to never touch the computer screen, or “don’t tap on the glass”, and now people can’t get enough of it. I absolutely love typing. Why would i ever want to give that up?

    • the noise of typewriters (even like 80s typewriters) is def one of my all time fave most soothing noises evar. weird. also, i clearly partially grew up in a newsroom in the early 90s (secret bonus fact)

      • My dad still uses a typewriter. Refuses to get a computer. I only wish I was kidding. He’s sort of delightfully but stubbornly old fashioned.

          • He also refuses to own a cell phone, ipod, and would probably live in a cave and wear squirrel pelts if you let him. Trust me, moving on from the typewriter is a good thing.

  12. aw emily choo is in my room!

    i just broke my own rule about comments like that.

    look the bling tablet is win. honestly i don’t think i am going to want any of those things unless they have a pen.

      • yea why the heck not? i like apple products but they aren’t the easiest to work with for people with big fingers. it took me nearly an hour to finally click on something using my friends ipod touch. I was extremely frustrated. and you know i’m sure most of the ladies on this website have the same problem…

        • first let me say that i have big fingers too and I love my iphone although it did take some getting used too. I mostly use my thumbs to type. Why there wont be a stylus there are a few reasons. 1) if you have a stylus you have to put it somewhere in the device so you don’t loose it which kinda goes against the apple design aesthetic up to this point. 2) you will loose the stylus 3) multitouch is getting better, easier to use.

  15. OH WOW. They seriously called it the iPad. Clearly none of the higher ups at Apple has a menstrual cycle.

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