There have been SO MANY new albums released this month. I ran out of time for multiple listens and proper sentences, so instead here are my very first impressions communicated in a series of highly unauthentic haiku poems. Just go with it.
Kanye West
My Beautiful
Dark Twisted Fantasy
perfect production
ambition, hero and villain
never heard before
pitchfork scored it 10.0!
but don’t let that deter you
experience this
. . .
Warpaint
The Fool
oh marijuana
you bring us so many good things
psychedelia
4 west coast women
brooding trance tracks real dark bleak
Shannyn Sossamon
. . .
Girl Talk
All Day
hundreds of pop songs
infectious tracks all mashed up
mix-tape mastery
black sabbath, war pigs
miley to run d.m.c
download this for free
. . .
James Blunt
Some Kind Of Trouble
we all have feelings
some people more than others
pretend violin
exes, forgive him
so he can stop writing all
those goddamn cliches
. . .
Nicki Minaj
Pink Friday
“this album is crack
you ain’t gotta skip a track”
maybe one or two
surprise, mainstream gleam
where is the rapper who stole
kanye’s ‘monster’ show
. . .
Cee-Lo Green
The Lady Killer
extraordinary
pitch-perfect voice, unrivaled
unrestrained power
true visionary
sings the past and the future
no filler in sight
. . .
Good Charlotte
Cardiology
cardiology
it’s not as awesome as
Sam-Ro’s tweet implied
return to roots fail
maturity is a state
not an interlude
. . .
Taylor Swift
Speak Now
exceptional craft
unexceptional feelings
same pain, less rainfall
don’t fuck with T-Swift
or else your ass will be grass
in the third chorus
. . .
Rihanna
Loud
comparatively
not on par with ‘rated R’
or good girls gone bad
moments of brilliance
too few and too far between
omg avril
. . .
Nelly Furtado
The Best Of Nelly Furtado
all of nelly’s hits
in a jewel case, single disc
convenience +
Heard these albums? Express your feelings in 17 syllables or more below.
Nicki Minaj’s album definitely falls under the crack category. I keep listening to it over and over again and get excited every time.
on girl talk, ’03:
“why are these laptop songs art?”
i know nothing, obvs.
this was all entirely awesome and hilarious
“pitchfork scored it 10.0!
but don’t let that deter you”
brilliant.
Speak now.
Laughed.
Cried.
Fell asleep.
Deleted from my iPod.
all album reviews from here on out should be done in haiku form. brilliant. and i agree with nearly all of them.
This is the best thing
Do reviews like this always
You are a goddess
amen to that, friend
they’re funnier and quicker,
there’s no need to skim
The lack of nature reference and other stylistic elements in mine makes me feel like a bad Japanese major, but I’m also a fucking BUSY one, so here:
Praise Kanyesus or
your life is without meaning.
This is truest facts.
____
Nicki Minaj is
to put it very simply:
HOTTEST SHIT EVER
Nicki Minaj is just….not all that. Her lyrics make no sense at all. She basically just gets credit for going on famous rappers songs and being the most active female rapper. In a nutshell..she sucks. Imo.
Agree with the rest of the reviews and awesome haikus.
Musical taste is subjective, and I don’t think the fact that you don’t like her really devalues my enjoyment of the album. And I have enjoyed the album immensely, so. I could quote Stephen Fry about the absolute value of Mozart vs Miley Cyrus and musical talent, but I don’t really think I need to justify my enjoyment of Nicki Minaj. I adore her and I think my opinion is perfectly valid.
And that doesn’t change the fact that she’s super hot, so I’m not sure why you even saw the need to comment just to say that you thought a rapper I like sucks.
I wasn’t intending to reply just to your opinion alone. So I was just expressing my point of view, which I’m entitled to. I felt it necessary because nobody had expressed my opinion already, and since it’s just as valid as yours, I decided to.
Expressing an alternate opinion is not inherently trying to devalue someone elses.
I dare you to turn
on Pink Friday and not smile.
Go on. I’ll wait here.
Epic post is epic.
This makes the fact that
I am now out of string cheese
A bearable truth
Haikus make me cringe.
They are unnecessary.
Can we please just stop?
this could have been worse
these could have been acrostic
i mean, amirite
you’re good at haiku
for a person who hates them
and Crystal is right
Have to agree with you
Acrostic is far worse
I would have definitely
Kicked someone if
Under this lovely article
Straddlers had been
Undertaking such basic,
Crude, and soul-
Killing poetry, rather than the
Sublime artistry I know and love
i wish all reviews were like this
sometimes i spend hours looking through music reviews, just because i’m curious (read: don’t want to do my homework)
this is much better, also conducive to my short attention span
“exes, forgive him
so he can stop writing all
those goddamn cliches”
i snorted.
Me too. I got some bourbon on the computer but it was worth it. Loved this post.
essential companion to girl talk album which itemizes every sample on the album: mashupbreakdown.com
I adore this review. What are the rules for haiku again? it’s been a long time since grade 3.
5 syllables
7 syllables
5 syllables
(technically they’re supposed to be about nature and some other stuff but don’t worry about that for the sake of teh funney!)
i fucking love haiku and this post and unfortunately my brain no longer functions correctly or else i would write one.
oh Emily Choo
your name sounds even better
written in haiku
i love crystal
oh wait that’s not a haiku
and i love rachel
oh wait that’s not a haiku
or maybe it is
Great reviews, if only everybody did them like this.
Sidenote: I believe the Girl Talk album is called All Day
oh oops, you are right
that haiku was sponsored by
vodka and tonic
This post was perfect
have nothing to add except
Crystal is awesome.
This post: made of win!
haikusfromlastnight.blogspot.com