The world is going up in flames, so thank goddess it’s Aquarius season. What’s up, Aquarius? We desperately need your energy in the world right now. Your sign encompasses so much: revolution, queerness, technology, humanitarian pursuits, building collectives, and bringing brilliance into the world. In fact, you have so many astrological gifts that it’s hard to not to be jealous of you. So many people are struggling to figure out where to start rebuilding in this world. If you’ve been keeping the brilliant map of the future that you own to yourself, now is the time to share it with others.
We’re all ready to help you. Aries will help you light the dumpsters on fire. Taurus will steal sandwiches from Nazis. Gemini will host dance parties that remind us that fun is radical. Cancer will host potlucks in their home that make us feel tender and safe. Leo will impress every single senator they call and lead the way, showing us where to show up. Virgo will sift through tons of confusing government documents and explain to us how to work within the legal system. Libra will teach us how to build strong relationships with each other across different communities. Scorpio will teach us how to transform our fear into the motivation that keeps us alive. Sagittarius will charm a fascist into changing sides and fighting for the revolution. Capricorn will give us the practical tools to turn our brilliant ideas into physical realities. Pisces will recharge us like crystals when we feel emotionally burned out.
There are many different kinds of Aquarius, and some of them are even featured in this column! But whatever kind of Aquarius you are, be yourself now: vibrantly, fearlessly, showing us the way.
Also, a reminder: I did my best to create a balanced presentation for different genders, but if you’re personally sad with the representation of your gender identity, I encourage you to choose one item from any of the collages and pair it with the fashion that’s already in your closet.Â
You’re the cutest anarchist on the block. Your instagram handle is @baby_arson, and your brand is glitch art selfies or twerking on dollar bills, open flames or cracked egg yolks. You’re the definition of ~aesthetic~. Whatever trend you make viral on the Internet today is what everyone else shares tomorrow. Half of your brain is memes, and the other half is planning to overthrow fascism.
Even though you look like a pure baby angel on the internet, your boots are on the ground for serious radical organizing. Your local planned parenthood chapter owes most of its successful fundraising to what you do behind a clipboard. This month, find a way to bring your activism into your online brand. Post some pics of you making out with the plastic uterus in the Planned Parenthood you volunteer for. Write the caption: “throw yr $$$ @ planned parenthood, binchess.” We’re counting on you to make 2017’s aesthetic ~i give a fuk about the world, but like in a way that requires action~
I know you’re too humble to admit that your job is ridiculously impressive for your age, but let’s talk about it for a second. You might work for a start-up, or an art museum, or maybe you’re an actual doctor. I don’t know your life. But whatever you’re doing, you made a choice that very few Aquarius dare to make. You’ve decided to be impressive as shit in a chosen professional field. And now that you’re there, we need you to shake things up a little bit.
I know you’re working within the world of strict office politics, but think about inventing a dating app for the revolution, or inviting a super queer artist to your museum, or giving queer people free STI information sessions. There are little ways you can show your brilliance to the world. Oh and, by the way, remember that. You’re brilliant. You’re allowed to say that more often, at least in your own brain. This month, splurge on that LL Bean sweater you’ve been eyeing. You know you’d look good in cashmere.
You love a few things equally: smashing the patriarchy, accessorizing with great socks, and dancing to ’80s new wave. Every single queer person’s roots begin with drinking shitty beer and dancing with you. You’re the actual gayest. You’re so gay that other people level-up their own gay just by being in your presence. You’re also the ex that everyone runs into because 1) you’ve dated everyone and 2) you go to everything.
If a mosh pit or a noise show falls in the forest and you weren’t there to hear it, did it even happen? Honestly, you’ve done the most work over the years to start the revolution. But now, you gotta kick it up a notch. We need you to overthrow a regime. Consider wearing only “Fuck Trump” socks. Host your dance parties on the lawns of every Republican senator. Whatever you’re already doing, keep it going. Those dumpsters aren’t going to light themselves.
Honestly, you’re just Laneia. People might say you have a resting bitch face, but little do they know that you have a humanitarian heart that beats 24/7 for the people and causes you love. And actually? Let them think you’re not a threat because sometimes you wear lace. Other Aquarians might start a riot, but you do all of the necessary undercover espionage.
There’s no best way to change the world. Some people show up to every protest and yell. Other people build a career as the Executive Editor of the last remaining LGBTQ-centered media space, which, by the way, continues to show up and give people strategies to survive amidst Tr***ism. So yeah, you don’t need several pairs of Doc Martens or a shaved head to change the world. You’re a perfect Aquarius just the way you are. This month, get someone to buy you a metric fuck-ton of LUSH bath bombs or a new journal or some boxed wine. I’m just guessing here, but I think you’d like those things. Anyway, treat yourself. You deserve it.
