A-Camp Recap #1: Movin’ On Up (The Mountain)

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Meanwhile, at camp…

Emily: Thursday morning Deer Lodge was empty save for one Taylor Hatmaker, who couldn’t figure out how to use the TV.

Taylor, Golden Girls Counselor/Tech Writer: Thursday was GO TIME. I was woefully (not woefully) stranded at Camp all day, since I lost my driver’s license at a Cults show in Portland three weeks ago. I was admittedly nervous as I drifted around the site, occasionally donning Robin’s captain’s hat for confidence, but as soon as the first van rolled up in the early afternoon Shit Was On.

Emily: By the afternoon, Deer Lodge was full of blooming queer ladies making messes, lanyards, friends, and paper airplanes. I watched people play Scrabble and hopefully made a few funny jokes but I can’t really remember. There were so many faces to look at! Everyone looked so good even though they probably just traveled across the country and drove up the side of Killer Mountain on a spare tire.

Taylor: As soon as the first bushy tailed little darlings rolled out of what looked like a kidnapper’s van, it was clear that everything would be basically absolutely perfect from there on out. I whisked campers from the loving arms of registration to DEER LODGE ALL CAPS starting in the early afternoon and the delights continued to pour in thereafter.

Stef: Camp didn’t become real until the first round of vans started pulling up and dropping off dozens of girls with nervous smiles and cute haircuts… I think everybody became a little overwhelmed with emotion as we realized this was actually happening, that people had actually shown up, that this was in fact a thing. What if they hated us and everything?!?!? What if we were all awkward internet weirdos who were afraid to talk to each other in real life!?!?!

Taylor: I set up a spread of crafts and nervously DJed on my iPad as the queers rolled in, crafts in their eyes. There were friendship bracelets, paper airplane deathmatches, and good vibes had by all. I hovered around like a nervous denmother of sorts until I realized that everyone was having a really grand, gay ol’ time all on their own. Then I think I had a beer.

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Back to LAX…

Lizz: I thought as long as I never stopped checking people in, making van groups, counting heads or filing people into vans I wouldn’t realize how hungry or tired I was and we’d all finally get to go to camp. Dictator-Lizz lasted until Alex fed me Chipotle with Laura, Carmen and Grace at 9pm.

Carmen: Laura Wooley and Grace and I became actual best friends as I stared out Sarah Croce’s car window with my mouth wide open and repeated the phrase, “Oh my gosh even CVS is beautiful here.”

Meanwhile, Closer to the Mountain…

Riese: So, then it’d been like two hours since we’d gotten back and Whitney, who’d left the airport at the same time we did, was nowhere to be found.

Laneia: Riese and I were so panicked about Whitney and her group, especially because they were in my girlfriend’s SUV and I felt 100% responsible for every second of their trip. This was my fifth panic-stricken situation of the day since 7am, so you’d think I would’ve been all out of adrenaline and fear, but no, you’d be wrong. We tried calling Whitney’s phone to no avail, then we used our detective skills to track down Britley — a girl who was friends with a girl who was in Whitney’s group, Stacey (are you still with me?) — and eventually got in touch with The Lost Girls. They were stranded on the side of the mountain about 14 miles from camp. (Marni: “Oh they were so close!”)

Whitney, Rubyfruit Counselor/Contributing Editor: Driving up a twisty mountain in the dark in the fog is pretty scary, but driving up said twisty mountain only to find that your car’s (Laneia’s car’s!) steering wheel stopped working is even scarier. What happened? The power steering line snapped, as in the steering wheel wouldn’t turn to make it around those snake-y mountain curves. On the right, there’s this craggy mountain face with a sign that reads “WARNING BOULDERS” (and shit, it looked precarious) and on the left was a several thousand-foot drop off a cliff into the darkness.

When I realized the steering wheel wouldn’t turn, I stopped the car to try and find cell phone reception. No luck. So I continue driving between the WARNING BOULDERS and the cliff, pulling the steering wheel as hard as I can to get the wheels to turn around the bends. It came to a point where I couldn’t pull the steering wheel enough to get the car to turn (scary moment — we almost flew off the road) and I stop the car next to a call box. Here, we finally got cell phone reception. One of the campers in the car, Alicia, had a gold AAA membership, thanks to a yearly gift from her father which, I’m sure, she hadn’t found entirely useful until that moment. This card — and in turn, Alicia’s dad — pretty much saved our lives.

Riese: So, along with Laneia and a very lovely camper named Erika who had a large bottle of vodka (that she hadn’t even started drinking yet!) and an SUV, we caravaned down the dark foggy mountain of death and despair in search of five homos stranded on the side of the road. I’ve henceforth dubbed Alicia “AAA Conley,” because duh. I drove Stacey and Whitney back to camp and we all talked about Michigan and I kept trying to give Stacey the verbal equivalent of a hug without being weird.

Laneia: I stayed behind with Alicia to wait for the tow truck, fighting the urge to hug her until her eardrums burst. Incredibly, from what Alicia told me, even this group of campers had managed to keep their spirits up through hunger, frustration and near-death. It’s impossible to overstate how grateful I was to each of the campers who’d stood super hero-style in the face of their respective fucked up situations and said HELL NO, I DID NOT COME ALL THE WAY OUT HERE TO LET THIS GET ME DOWN. Just, I mean, who does that? Who brings that kind of determination to have a good time no matter what? A-Campers, that’s who.

“It doesn’t matter how long it took. It got me to A-camp and A-camp changed my life!”

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Moral of the story: GET HIRED TRANSPORT. IT IS WORTH THE EXTRA MONEY YOU GUYS. (Yes, there will be hired transport at the next A-Camp, but wasn’t this fun!)

Riese: Jess S. was coming to camp straight from work on Thursday night, so we’d given her the assignment of picking up the two mega-late-comers on her way in.

Jess S., Forever 21 Counselor: As I was pulling up to the terminal to pick up two campers at LAX, someone waved at me and smiled. I didn’t know what the campers looked like but I had described my car to them, so I let this person into my car thinking her name was Angela and she was really excited about camp. As I pulled away, we proceeded to have two different conversations–I was trying to get her to talk about A Camp, but she ignored that and just wanted to talk about someone named “Erica.” After about 30 seconds, we realized our mistake. WRONG PERSON. I made a joke about trying to kidnap her and she hurriedly exited my car while I found the real Angela.

Julie and Brandy, “The Talent”: We were late getting out of LA. Unbeknownst to us, half of camp had already been stranded on the same mountain that we were now trying to navigate in the dark. Pitch dark. With clouds. And not the kind of clouds that keep you company on a picnic… The kind of clouds that cling to a freezing mountain top. The kind of clouds that you usually only see from the window seat of a plane. The kind of clouds that are so white and thick, they reflect your headlights back into your eyes, rather than illuminate the way. It took us thirty minutes to go four miles, but we finally made it up the windy road.

Alex: Mission: Get the 160 campers to the top of a mountain using three vans and maybe a car or two. We tried. We really really tried, especially Riese, to make this transportation situation work. Though I was happy to finally and officially have everyone at Camp by 11pm Thursday night (mission accomplished), it would’ve been better if I didn’t miss the whole first day/camp fire.

“It must’ve been painful being part of the coordination of the shuttles and watching the confusion happen on the way to camp. It was crazy and all, but it also gave us a few funny stories to tell when we got back so that’s fun.”

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II. Campfire and Ice: 

Riese: Marni, sensing my state of complete distress, told me, “Julie and Brandy are here, why don’t you go see them,” because she knew they would make me happy and I’d be happy to see them. And it worked!

Thus, after a long afternoon/evening of worrying about campers and counselors getting run over, I was ready to drink more than anybody should ever drink when they’ve had four hours of sleep, haven’t had a moment to eat in two days, left their precious lifetime companion Tinkerbell in a hotel room, and are on the top of a mountain.

Brandy: Before the campfire, Marni and Riese came to our room to discuss how Julie could sing “Gay Baby Army” at the campfire with no microphone. It had been a while since we’d all hung out together, and we were giddy with the feeling of, “Holy fuck, this camp is really happening!” Marni stood by the door, talking into her yellow walkie-talkie, and Riese sat on the bed, drinking Bulleit whiskey straight out of the (almost empty) bottle. They told us that only water was permitted outside the cabins, so I poured vodka into Arrowhead bottles while Julie tuned her guitar. (It’s important to note that Riese ended up leaving her bottle of whiskey in our room, because it will resurface later).

Carmen: As I began to put names to emails and vodka in my cup I realized I was going to like this. This persisted after I got lost and fell in a puddle walking from Cabin 7 to Cabin 18.

Lizz: I hadn’t seen Rachel in at least six months and our meeting at the airport had been brief to say the least. When I got to camp I had exactly on thing on my mind: find Rachel. It was pitch black across the camp but I’d heard rumors of a campfire. So I started walking towards the noise and jokingly called out her name in desperation (mostly to make Carmen laugh) and to my surprise Rachel called my name back! We reunited and I felt like camp was finally beginning.

Brandy: The whole opening campfire experience was so overwhelming and profound, that I had to spend the next 2 days of camp drunk & high just to deal with my feelings. (Oh- and I’m pretty sure that I got low-grade frostbite on my kneecaps since I refused to change out of the tiny skirt I arrived in). Julie said that singing without a microphone was a challenge, but nothing compared to trying not to be burned alive by the humongous campfire.

Marni: After she’d rallied everybody around the fire with her song “Gay Baby Army,” (itself a really special moment), Julie brought Riese out onto the little mini-stage thing and everybody around the fire stood up and started cheering. It was an incredible, overwhelming moment. I immediately started crying. I turned to my right and Laneia was losing it, too. I don’t think there were any words to describe seeing all the love and gratitude pouring out from the sea of smiling, glowing faces. There was a lot of love in that moment.

Laneia: I don’t really have a lot of experience when it comes to seeing the physical results of someone’s dream coming to fruition, so I wasn’t prepared for this campfire situation. We usually exist behind what feels like a sprawling, infinite computer screen — and then there we were. I could’ve held all of the faces and looked into all of the eyes! But instead I cried about how much I loved everyone for loving her and us enough that they would stomp to the top of a mountain and cheer around a campfire.

Riese: The campfire was a blur. It was surreal — Julie Goldman played a song about the Gay Baby Army, and she introduced me, and everyone was cheering for me, and I couldn’t believe it. All of their hands and the night and the big fire and everything. Whenever I have to speak in front of a large group, I can never remember what I said afterwards, but I’m guessing it wasn’t anything like what I’d practiced in the car. It was so profound to see all these bodies there, instead of gravatars.

Riese: After all the things happened, we had our first all-staff meeting. At some point I learned that Jess S had tried to get Tinkerbell for me but they said they didn’t have it and we’d have to come back in the morning, which meant I’d have to wait all weekend for our reunion!

Crystal: Half of the campers from my cabin, the Troubletones, showed up fashionably late, but when they did we had a cabin huddle; I put on my responsible adult voice and gave them a talk about drinking at high altitudes which I feel confident in saying that they (respectfully) ignored. These girls turned out to be some of the most amazing, hilarious, talented and adorable Autostraddle readers. Making room in my heart for eighteen new crushes hurt a little.

Riese: It had been such a heavy chaotic day, but nobody’s spirits were remotely dampened. From this point forward, things got exponentially more awesome.

 

P.S. FYI, Roadrunner went ahead and charged us for the shuttles we cancelled. They claimed a week ago that they’d refund us for those immediately. They still haven’t refunded us that money, despite multiple inquiries. Whatever you do in your life, don’t ever use that company, not ever!