May is for mothering, or so I’ve been told. But have you ever thought about the thin line between being a mother and… being Mother (and yes the capitalization there is intentional).

Having — or being — a mother is great, whether biological or chosen, and if you’re on good terms with yours then today might be a good day to reach out.  But to truly Mother, you must be aspirational.

Gays love layering meanings on top of words that already exist, a topic of which I’m sure has to do with surviving decades of institutional homophobia, transphobia, and everything that our ancestors were forced to endure while living out-loud in the corners and shadows. And most certainly there’s a bright queer graduate student who’s turned this into a dissertation or thesis somewhere! But for our basic bitch purposes right now, Mother can be defined in three ways:

/’məTHər/

  1. noun. A parent in relationship to their child or children, chosen or otherwise.
  2. proper noun. A word used in the same manner of which someone from a previous generation of internet might have said “goals.” A distant celebrity or otherwise “known figure” with characteristics one hopes to imitate or be like.
  3. adjective. A descriptor of thirst and wanton desire, most often applied to a person with specific feminine qualities (including but not limited to: immaculate aesthetic taste, bawdy irreverence,  a cold exterior just waiting to be melted by an eager young hopeful) who is no less than 10 years older than the person describing them. Of note, this is not entirely dissimilar from Mommi (a sapphic play on the gay use of “Daddy”) — though each word has their own distinct iterations and tone.

Sitting at the center of this Venn diagram are the legendary queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race. And so, I dedicate this quiz to them.

Which Drag Race Queen Is Your Mother?

Do me a favor! Close your eyes for a second. Imagine it's Mother's Day. What are you having for brunch?(Required)
And now pick a cocktail or mocktail to go with it:(Required)
What's your favorite flower?(Required)
Pick a lesbian romance:(Required)
Pick a 90s sitcom:(Required)
Of the options below, which is your favorite "fancy" dessert?(Required)
Of the options below, which is your favorite niche color?(Required)
Pick a Barbie dream house:(Required)
Pick a vegetable to turn into a sex joke:(Required)
Alright now! This summer you are going to "summer." Where are we heading?(Required)
Not to be a cliché or anything, but you knew I had to do it! The time has come… for you to lip sync for your lifeeeeee! What song are did the universe give you?(Required)
We are Mother. We are tired. We are going to bed early. Pick a night routine:(Required)
And Finally! In case of a tie-breaker! Which Drag Race Queen do you think is your Mother? (Optional)

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