Holigay Gift Guide: What Each Adult Yellowjacket Probably Wants
Season two of Yellowjackets may have ended a while ago, but if you think I’ve gone a single day without thinking about my favorite cannibals (should I rank fictional cannibals by lesbianism btw), then you’d be sorely wrong! This is my Roman Empire!!!! So here we are with a Yellowjackets gift guide.
I thought it might be fun to put together a little list of what I imagine each of the adult main Yellowjackets might wish for this holiday season. Perhaps it’s one of your goals to channel Adult Tai. Or perhaps you, like Adult Van, can’t let go of the 90s. But in a fun and nostalgic and not so tragic way. Or maybe you fancy yourself an Adult Shauna. Just a bored, hot, unpredictable, slightly scary suburban mom with a knack for knife skills. Relatable! Here’s what the Yellowjackets are surely wishing for this holiday season.
Taissa’s Gift Guide
1. Topshop Trench (size 00-14, $64.80)
2. Lip Mask ($24)
3. Leather Tote ($168)
4. Sleep Gummies ($13)
Taissa obviously wants a trench to add to her extensive collection. The woman simply wears the hell out of a trench. If she’s going to spend her evening sleep walking and potentially eating dirt, then a nighttime lip mask seems appropriate. A nice leather tote seems like the ideal place to store a bevy of secrets. And perhaps sleep gummies could be a way to gently bring up to her that you think her sleeping issues should be more directly addressed. 🚨By NO means should you encourage her dog ownership by purchasing any pet-related gifts.🚨 For more Taissa shopping ideas, check out the Taissa Style Guide.
Van’s Gift Guide
1. 90s-Style Mighty Ducks Sweatshirt (size S-3XL, $38-46)
2. The Watermelon Woman Criterion Collection Blu-Ray ($32)
3. Retro VHS Magnets ($5)
4. But I’m a Cheerleader sticker ($9)
Van would have had a chance to see and lesbian-imprint onto The Mighty Ducks before losing her innocence by being stranded in the wilderness, and I think that’s nice. Listen, she probably already owns The Watermelon Woman on DVD, but what about the Criterion Collection edition that includes a special interview with Cheryl Dunye? Well, better sneak into her personal vault of physical media to look just in case she does indeed already own it. Retro movie magnets would make a cute stocking stuffer for queer cinephiles. And so would this But I’m a Cheerleader tarot card sticker!
Shauna’s Gift Guide
1. Personalized Cleaver ($50)
2. Monogrammed Journal ($78)
3. Monogrammed Leather Wine Tote ($32)
4. Flannel (size XS-XL, $60)
Can’t explain it, but Shauna seems like a monogram girly. I’m sure her knives could use an upgrade, and I’d love for her to get back to her journaling roots! I know there’s no book club, but wouldn’t a personalized wine bag be such a cute thing to roll up to book club with? And finally, I feel like Adult Shauna is always rocking the hell out of a nice flannel.
Nat’s Gift Guide
1. Ripped Black Levi’s (size 23-34, $70)
2. Black Tights (size S-XL, $12)
3. Pixies – Doolittle LP ($29)
Yes we are living in denial here!!!!!!!!!!
Misty’s Gift Guide
1. I’d Help You Bury the Body Bracelet ($11)
2. Music of the Night Candle ($19)
3. Welcome Mat ($45+)
4. Parrot Felted Ornament ($29)
I mean, this does seem like Misty’s idea of a friendship bracelet! But also, let’s remember that above all else, she’s a musical theater freak. And, of course, she has to rep her love for Caligula. I’m also now realizing it would be very fun to do a Yellowjackets themed mini Christmas tree…