Hello, it’s Sunday. Get your mouth out of that Eggs Benedict and onto the small of somebody’s back, for Chrissake.
GOING GAY FOR MORE THAN JUST SHANE:
Eva Wiseman at Teh Guardian has noticed a thing that Alice Pisecki has known forever-ever – straight girls wanna do you:
Where once there were fishnet stockings and cloudy-lensed pillow fights, now there are wistful feminine dreams of sharing shoes. Has the heterosexual man’s lesbian fantasy been overtaken by the heterosexual woman’s?
No longer do lesbians just exist in the minds of the Nuts reader, but in the real-life world of pap shots, society pages and telly – BBC3 is even screening a gritty Scottish lesbian series starring the one with all the hair from Hollyoaks. As they fade from the masturbatory male dream, their exoticism paled by the proof of proper, grown-up ladies who rarely have the look of someone yearning for the touch of a boy with back acne, lesbians are appearing more and more in the fantasies (occasionally sexy, more often domestic) of straight women. Their glamour has shifted. Women have reclaimed the lesbian.
Instead of the one-note “And I’ll just watch” fantasies of yesterday’s men, or the icky, over-sexy imitations in pop videos, women are imagining the lingering, complex bliss of both them and their lover enjoying the same TV programmes. Of being able to extend best-friendships into marriages, advising each other on non-frizz hair products, eventually bringing up well-balanced children in a brilliant, bookish house and chuckling on leather sofas at late-night BBC4.
On the one hand, much of this article makes me want to stick a dildo in my eyeball because it presents girl-on-girl action in a trivial, sexual realm where we’re asked to celebrate the fact that women aren’t entirely bored by their boyfriend’s girl-on-girl appetite anymore and I mean really, that doesn’t count as any kind of revolution because uh, it’s still about your boyfriend. It could also be argued that this kind of discourse trivializes the complications & hardships endured by actual full-time queers. Also! If a lesbian relationship was as easy as sharing shoes and watching Top Chef together!– Oh what the hell.
On the other hand — and we’re not afraid to get handsy here — she’s suggesting a more expansive and inclusive kind of sexual fluidity which is good for queers and sex-positive feminists alike. Reclaiming het-male fantasies for the straight-woman gaze isn’t necessarily quite as progressive as reclaiming het-male fantasies for the lesbian-woman gaze, but it’s something! EVERYBODY MUST GET QUEER! Also if she’s right about this increase in straight-women-wanting-other-women-action, that means you’re at least 75% more likely to find a girl who will fuck your brains out and then rip your heart out of your chest and run over it with a lawnmower of heterosexual privilege, which is good for your emotional growth.
If you’re a het looking for some lesbo-tips, you should read A Straight Girl’s Guide for Sleeping With Chicks!
photo by M Reents
SUICIDE GIRLS:
Suicide Girls made a horror movie, it has no script and no actors which already sounds really fantastic, I bet they’re all naturals. Here’s the trailer:
FASHION WEEK:
Live! Nude! Fashion Models! Rather than distracting the eye with clothes, Charlie Le Mindu and Noritaka Tatehana sent models down the runway in nothing but their respective hats and boots, a strategy guaranteed to draw the eye to accessories, rather than some superfluous garment.
SEX BLOGGER CALENDAR:
The 2011 Sex Blogger Calendar is here! Meet the models!
VADGE:
20 Things That Look Like Female Genitals!
LESBIAN RETRO PORN
Lesbian Retro Night: “The other night I attended Lesbo Retro Night as a part of the Good Vibrations’ Indie Erotic Film Fest (IXFF) and let me tell you, this porno girl was in porno heaven.”
SEX ADVICE:
Sex Advice from American Apparel Employees (@nerve)
MACHETE:
So Lindsay Lohan is half-naked in a threesome scene, here see:
SEXY TUMBLR ALERT:
Every week we pick a lesbian sexy tumblr alert on Saturday or Sunday, so we’re usually just as new to it as you are and therefore unable to express the kind of long-term affection one can develop with a really good tumblr but listen up you should really be reading Sex is Not the Enemy. It’s a mix of imagery and text with a sex-positive, feminist, queer bent, neatly tagged with f/f, m/m, m/f and etc.
I don’t know who’s in charge of this, but I am with them in Rockland, whomever it is.
Despite my being AT work right now, this is the best part of my week. Every week.
Yeah that article is definitely problematic in some ways, but I 150% agree with the statement that many, MANY straight girls want to sleep with a lesbian, at least once. I know this because every lesbian I know has slept with a straight girl at some point or another, including myself. And some of them are great in bed too! More proof that lesbian sex is as real and instinctual as any other kind.
Also..I cannot stop looking at that picture of the girl (?) with the dick. Like cannot stop. I’m so fascinated by it, good thing I’m NOT at work.
No, right? I would like to thank that picture for making me even more queer than I already was, which I didn’t think was possible.
I also want to know what brand of underwear it is! I think i might want some…it looks nice.
(And, i mean, it’s a picture full of win in general)
My new girlfriend is straight, still IDs as straight and will always ID as straight even after I have applied my patented brand of Sasha Farce Awesomeness to her ladybits.
One of the most awesome things so far is that there’s been no freakout, no late-night panics at OMG I DID A GIRL AND I LIKED IT, and I’m not convinced there will be either; I think this is part evolution of a greater acceptance of varying kinds of sexuality (which is progressing rather rapidly IMO) and partly because I am that damn good.
Well idk about this one. Some of these ‘studies’ just make my eyes roll. I think I did something lesbian stuff when I was younger but I can’t remember if it was a dream or reality. And I also had a very inappropiate dream about Sara Quin. Which freaked me out because I think of her as a sister. While I have absolutely no desire to sleep with a woman, I get what this article is saying (try to say). Like you said, that there is been more acceptance and openness to certain things, however small. Also a realization that sexuality is fluid.
Side note: I cannot fault the hetero man for his woman on woman fantasies because I am obsessed with man on man. I get it…the want..in the best/worst way.
“I think I did something lesbian stuff when I was younger but I can’t remember if it was a dream or reality.”
Oh, it was reality all right. Lustful, primal and uninhibited REALITY, MsNJS! Don’t you dare deny nor belittle what happened between us!
(joke?)
Nooooooooo it never happened…. I destroyed the pictures! And paid you off! :P
lol
LMAO @ this thread :D
Straight women just use you. Which is okay if you’re okay with being used and using each other. But they’re not up front about the fact that they’re just going to use you to see if they like it. So if you don’t like being an experiment, you’re SOL.
And then someone will come along and say “but lesbians do that too,” as if there is no difference.
Priority #1: Protect yourself.
I second that. Sleeping with a straight woman can be fun if you’re in the mood for something different with no feelings involved. It happens. But in other cases – flee! You have to be very careful not to fall in love with them or develop expectations.
i feel like your entire statement is really really ridiculously generalizing. obviously you’re free to have your opinion, but it would be nice to see some reasonable language like “according to my experiences and those of my friends” etc.
Well, I feel like statements about lesbians being biphobic or having all slept with men at least once, implications that female sexuality is inherently fluid and monogamy isn’t natural are all ridiculously generalizing.
I was trying to keep it short. I have not found the happy medium between over generalized and overly nuanced.
Actually, all my experiences with straight women have been positive. They were fun, I was able to stay unattached and just enjoy it for what it was, and no one’s feelings got hurt. Lesbians have proved to be a much more complicated bunch, but I love them to death nonetheless.
Hm, well, it’s weird. I could argue that I’ve been “used” by straight women, but I also don’t think I went into it with any expectations beyond just physical stuff. I think in these situations no matter what they may have said or done, the only thing that would’ve made me expect more from them than what we had would be if they said “hey I think I am bisexual/queer/gay and would like to be in a relationship with another woman at some point.” But I never expected that or waited for that. I think expectations are important, and I didn’t have any.
I also don’t believe in the idea of people “using” each other as an inherently bad thing. i mean, if you had a toaster, you should use it to make toast. Is basically what I’m saying. Also I have a really great idea for a sitcom and a tattoo. Also I have so much stuff left to pack. Speaking of packing, I additionally find above photograph quite captivating.
this, exactly this. i have a toaster, i make toast. i have a coffeepot, i make coffee. i have hands and mouth that make ladyparts happy, i make ladyparts happy. is that right? am i getting what youre saying? because, when i go out to have a good time, im very upfront about it. “I JUST WANT A GOOD TIME”. because, you see, i get off on getting you off, so use me whenever you want. (just please make sure that im not blacked out and that i will remember it) thishashappenedbefore
also, you have an idea about a tattoo and a sitcom? or a sitcom about a tattoo? im very confused. please halp.
For me, it was a huge ego boost to sleep with straight girls, which occurred mostly in college. The difficulty… was that they didn’t always reciprocate very well in bed. I’m generalizing a bit, but for the most part… They kinda didn’t know what to do or weren’t that into giving me as much attention as they wanted to receive from me. So I ended up seeking out women who were les or bi because they were just more into doing me, too. Which meant that I was sneaking into bars (I was 18) to meet older more out women.
I think that article is stupid really. I’d rather see actual researched data. There have been lots of articles lately about straight women, especially older women, suddenly switching sides based more on research.
I’m an older straight person, who’s fallen in love with a woman first time. And I say straight because I was hit on by lesbians when I was younger. I tried sex with them, I was open, but it did nothing for me at the time.
For several years now, I’ve been full on, whole hog, want to get down and dirty with another straight woman. She’s aware and we’ve talked a lot about it and she’s been open to explore. However, I’m married and I love my husband, what can I do? If I were single, I’d go for it in a heart beat.
But this tells me that female sexuality is, can be, very fluid and it just might boil down to “the one” who can turn it for you.
Currently, I read tons of lesbian fiction and romance and erotica and it’s all I enjoy to read. So maybe this article does point to something that might be true.
Why aren’t you bisexual?
Why is it any of your business?
Because I’m curious to know why she doesn’t think she’s bisexual. It’s possible that she doesn’t really have a clear understanding of what bisexuality is.
I’m not insisting she identify as bisexual. I was wondering why she doesn’t.
This is where I would hold up a female barbie doll and say if you touch a woman here, here or here, and she makes a funny noise then um…you aren’t straight.
LOL. Seriously.
THIS
Win.
I’m starting to consider myself one and saying it out loud at times to friends and family. I guess unless I have a full on sexual/love relationship with a woman, I don’t know if it’s a fluke and just an attraction to this particular woman or if in general something has shifted in me. I’m not sexually attracted to women in general although I love women’s bodies and find them attractive. And I do love reading girl on girl sex and love and porn- heh. But it doesn’t seem real to me unless it can be actually fulfilled, I guess.
This was mostly an online story, but I did meet her and no fantasy was deflated, I found her totally hot and would have jumped her bones if I knew how to seduce a woman and I knew she would have been OK with it.
Maybe one day I can be with her. I still dream of her. We still have regular contact and I do talk like a lover to her sometimes and she hasn’t blown me off, so…
I don’t like classifications that much though since I don’t fit anywhere really.
Your story sounds exactly like one that will not exist in 30 or 50 years, when things will “seem real” because there will be real chances for them to be “actually fulfilled”.
@Straight chick in love with straight chick: i want to believe that this insistence from other commenters that you label yourself as bisexual or that you are actually a lesbian, is coming from a place of support for you – so you’ll feel more comfortable with who/what they are interpreting you to be.
but i have to be honest, i’m a little shocked that people seem so prepared to define you as ‘not straight.’ you can and should define yourself in whatever way feels most honest to you. it’s entirely possible for a straight woman to have sex with and feel emotionally attached to another woman and still define herself as straight.
you do fit in somewhere – there are other women in your general situation. define yourself as ‘human’ or ‘adventurous’ or ‘learning.’ don’t get hung up on labels. you do you.
i’d still like to point out, however, that kristen stewart is most likely gay, so.
Yes! Thank you. I completely agree.
For me it’s not a matter of labels. But when someone says “I’m married and I love my husband” but “if I were single, I’d go for it in a heart beat” it sounds to me like if they had met this woman before meeting the husband things might have gone differently. Also the consideration that “girl on girl sex and porn doesn’t seem real unless it can be actually fulfilled” makes the choice of a husband (a man) sound like a realistic (based on opportunities) rather than an optimal (based on preference) choice. That is my interpretation.
I’m not offended by anything anyone has said. It’s a very strange thing all around.
As I said, I tried to be with women sexually when I was young. I just couldn’t get turned on and I was hot for men. I tried it because a lesbian friend wanted me and asked. I was very open to it. Not as “oh let’s try a chick” thing, because back in the late 70’s, it wasn’t a “cool” thing to kiss a chick. But I really had no sexual attraction to her and I couldn’t get turned on.
I never did have any sexual/romantic attraction to women all these years. I’ve been married for 10 years and really do love my husband.
But one day, I was chatting with a woman I met on a message board and there was something about her that really attracted me. I found myself, after many conversations, really falling in love with her. Like how I fell in love with men. To test if it was just a fantasy or not, we met, we stayed together in a hotel for almost a week and hung out.
I was thinking maybe my attraction might have been just a fantasy, but I felt just as attracted after meeting her and was very turned on.
The issue is that this is the first time I’m experiencing these types of feelings with a woman. I told my husband everything, right from the beginning and he is quite jealous of my love for her. But he was open enough to let me go see her to explore and see what I had with her since I was walking around the house depressed at not being able to be with her.
So there are issues in which I’m not the cheating kind and feel to respect my husband’s feelings. And yet, I cannot stop what I feel for this woman. Maybe if I had had any feelings for a woman before I married I could have explored. But this is how it is and it’s not by choice. I made a commitment to my husband and I honor it. Not because he’s a man and it’s easier, but because I love him, and well, I met him first.
She is straight. Never had an attraction to a woman. So you can imagine that when we were together it was very hard to get anything going since we are both used to the m/f dynamic of being the seduced.
Of course I wanted to throw her on the bed and ravish her and she did say afterward that she was waiting for me to make a move. I was waiting for her to make sign that she was open to some sexual contact. Neither one of us knew what we are doing.
So Barbara- this isn’t about I chose a man over her in reality. It’s more like I was blindsided by this at a time when I’m not really available to go for it. And I’m blindsided because in all my years of being young and really open to exploring with women, it never happened for me until now in my middle age.
I have no idea why at this later stage of my life that I would fall in love with a woman, but I do know that that is real. However, until I can actually get into bed with her and physically be with her, I’m not really sure what this is. I don’t know if I actually got into bed with her and naked if I would still be turned on. I feel I would. But it’s moot unless I can actually go through with it and be able to have a full on relationship with her.
I am willing to concede though that I do feel that it is real. That my sexual turn on with watching and reading women together is real and not less than what I feel for my husband or men. It’s just that I’m unable to fulfill it on an actual level so there is some niggling in me that I’ve created a beautiful fantasy about what it is to be with a woman instead of understanding the nitty gritty reality of it.
“So Barbara- this isn’t about I chose a man because he’s a man and it’s easier, but because I love him, and well, I met him first. […] It’s more like I was blindsided by this at a time when I’m not really available to go for it”.
That was exactly my point when I said experiences like yours are less likely to happen in 30 or 50 years. Because there will be more women who will identify as lesbians or bisexuals by then, when they’re young; and the chance of meeting the right person when you’re young, or at an age when you still haven’t developed an important, locked, no-return relationship with someone, will be higher.
There ARE moments when it’s too late. If you look at the age distribution of civil unions in the UK, more and more women marry another woman at comparatively young ages (and less at older ages). Why? Because there are more young lesbians now than there used to be years and decades ago.
Sorry I misunderstood you. I thought you meant that my attitude was precluding me from ever having a story with a woman.
However, I came of age during the 70’s in a very liberal town. While being gay or lesbian wasn’t as out in the open as now perhaps, in my circle, most of my friends were gay, lesbian, bi, and swinger couples.
So in my case, I could have easily had a relationship with a woman as there were many opportunities. It wasn’t because of any social pressure that I couldn’t or wouldn’t fall in love with a woman. I lived outside of that. It just didn’t happen.
But in general I think you are correct. Although, I don’t think it’s too late as in I’m too old switch sides or find a woman to be with.
In fact, on some level, this woman and I are having a love story. I can express everything to her, from my sexual desires of her, to my ache for her and she is open and receptive to it, not shutting me down. We are managing to work with it even with all the mitigating circumstances. And I still dream that one day we can have a full on relationship in the physical sense, whether it include sex or not.
@straight chick in love with straight chick:
Actually the experience of straight women in middle age discovering that their sexual orientation or desires have shifted, including falling for other women all of a sudden, is phenomenon that has been noticed and studied in recent years. I can’t find the link to the article about this that I read recently, but I’m sure if you Google it you will be able to find stuff on this.
At first people suspected that these middle aged women falling for other women were expressing latent homosexuality that had been there all along–they were just too repressed in earlier decades to come out. But your story suggests that this isn’t the only explanation–many women legitimately spent their whole lives attracted to men until something shifted in middle age and they found themselves powerfully attracted to a woman for the first time.
Some of those sex therapists and scientists speculate that the hormoronal shift that accompanies middle age (especially menopause) can have a profound affect on a woman’s sexuality as well.
Unrelated to these studies, but I think related to this idea, is a book that I read awhile back which included a section about how the changes during menopause mark a third stage in a woman’s sexual development (the first two being childhood and adolescence/adulthood). Post menopausal women are characterized by more assertiveness, a greater resolve, a wanderlust, and a higher likelihood to change situations that are no longer favorable (like unhappy marriages). Some women experience a drop in libido with menopause and aging, but some experience a strong spike in sexual desire that seems counterintuitive to the fact that they will soon no longer be fertile. Think about how many cultures, especially ancient ones, venerated grandmothers and older women for their power and influence, and sage-like capabilities.
Of course much of this has to do with life experience and collected knowledge, but it is hard to ignore the relative rise in testosterone compared to estrogen (not that our bodies produce more of one, but just less of the other) and how it may affect women.
Even though the author of this book did not propose any theories relating to sexuality, I would not be surprised if the evidence described in the book informs the discoveries being made by scientific researchers and sex therapists about the marked changes in sexual orientation or desire for some middle aged women.
Of course I don’t have any proof of this, but I do think it would be an interesting topic to explore…
“I am willing to concede though that I do feel that it is real. That my sexual turn on with watching and reading women together is real and not less than what I feel for my husband or men. It’s just that I’m unable to fulfill it on an actual level so there is some niggling in me that I’ve created a beautiful fantasy about what it is to be with a woman instead of understanding the nitty gritty reality of it.”
This really resonated with me. I identify as queer, have been attracted to women since I was 12, but I too haven’t yet been able to actually explore that beyond some online flirtation. (My one physical attempt led to assault, so much for an introduction!) So I too wonder if what I’m imagining girl/girl sexual contact to be is just hyper-realised fantasy and the reality is a lot more icky and messy and complicated and maybe not so fun.
It’s a difficult challenge, especially if you feel like you can’t explore it. I have a boyfriend and thankfully he’s open to non-monogamy (he’s not particularly monogamous himself but he’s a lot shyer than I am!) so the door’s open; it’s just finding the right circumstance that’s been difficult (oh the drama!). Would you possibly consider non-monogamy? You don’t have to, but it could be an option.
good luck <3
Oh and another factor, a very real factor, is that we are both older middle aged women, with not so perfect middle aged bodies. Getting naked with a new lover with that is a vulnerability that is not easy to overcome.
My feeling is that had we both been younger and still hot, the sexual aspect would have been a lot easier. She was very shy about her older body and me mine. So that was an added factor that put the kibosh on things as it were.
I was once married. And recently questioned my sexuality. It was not okay with my husband to “experiment” with my feelings so I left him. And I did love my husband, but for me I felt we both deserved something better. I’m definitely not saying to leave your husband! But I write about my experiences here: http://fakebabygay.blogspot.com/
if you want to read about someone going through coming out as a married woman.
Baby Gay– I get where you’re coming from. In my case, if the woman involved really wanted me back and was into women already then there’d be some rethinking of things.
However, she’s not sure how she will take any sexual advances from me. She said she’s open, but doesn’t know how she’ll react.
I love her in the way that if she would reject me or not really want me, then it would be painful to pursue it. I don’t want to be with a person who doesn’t want me back in the sexual sense. We can still have an emotional relationship though.
And my husband has been open to me exploring. Yes, he’s jealous, but he’s been trying to understand. And actually, I really do love him. He’s my best friend, so I can’t see leaving him really.
But I do ache for this woman and if she would insist, I would have to rethink it all and deal with it then.
Whatever you do, I wish you the best of luck! (And see my comment above if you want some more explanation). Also…are you still as attracted to your husband as you used to be and simply added a new attraction to the list? or has that attraction been replaced with feelings for this woman? Just curious. I often wonder what we would learn if researchers took the time to conduct many, thorough studies on female sexuality rather than the few cursory ones we have at present
Laneia, thank you so much for saying this out loud. I feel a little :| at people trying to force their interpretation of labels on her.
this!
<3
Okay. I get people don;t like labels and don;t want to be confined by them but let’s get real. If you are a woman and you have sex and/or relationships with women. You are not straight period. Sorry. I dont know where else you want to go with that i.e. bi, gay, try, etc, but you are not straight.
I think its better to just not have a label then to claim one that does NOT apply.
no.
the point is, you do not have the power or privilege of labeling anyone other than yourself.
Yeah I got it. Or trying to force your ideals on someone but at the same time it just sounds weird. That’s why I feel we need to abolish labels all together instead of assigning them because the shit is getting out of control.
I agree but in this case it’s not someone labeling someone else; it’s someone labeling themselves in a way and then leaving people to wonder why would they do so. No one wants to judge; it’s just that people are trying to reconcile a signifier (a word) with a meaning. If certain people who do and experience certain things are not straight or bisexual, then what does it mean to be straight or bisexual? It is a genuine question, it is asking for an answer. People are surprised and ask for information / explanation, because maybe what they thought, their concept of being straight or bisexual, was wrong. And they will discover that people have different notions of the meaning of these words. I hate labels, but I care about words and the meaning attached to words.
Yeah, I totally get that. And I get that is the main question that I dont think can ever be answered to 100% satisfactory..What does it mean to be straight or bisexual?
I get what you are saying. In my case, I said I was straight because I can’t claim any other label at the moment. OK, maybe I could claim bi-curious. But I’m not just curious, I’m IN LOVE with another woman. So that doesn’t fit exactly.
While I have feelings for another woman, maybe if I say I’m bi then all the bi’s will jump in and say if you haven’t been with a woman, then you are just straight with f/f fantasies.
If I say I’m bi, then the lesbians jump in and say if you’re attracted to women, then you are just denying your full lesbian hood.
It’s a no win really. Personally I just rather say I’m sexually fluid. But then everyone wants a label to know where they and you stand in the scheme of things.
My sister is a lesbian. I’ve talked with her extensively about what’s been going on with me. She’s been very supportive, but I do feel an unconscious negative reaction from her if I claim bisexual or same sex attraction because she’s walked the walk and it hasn’t been easy. So if I come in with my straight privilege and say I’m in love with a woman and try to claim bi then it’s offensive since I haven’t actually walked the walk.
It’s very complicated I think.
I really like what you said about describing yourself as “Fluid”. Can this be a thing? Like if I were to describe myself as “Fluid” it would mean open to new things that I may or may not like but I’m willing to give them a try. I’m going to start to lobby this as a new label for people who are like water and may shift this way or that depending on the power of their attractions.Fluid is less constraining the Bisexual. It’s very cool that you are open to this new kind of relationship no matter how it works out for you.
just wanted to add (then I’ll try to shut up for a while) that her explanations are very clear and honestly my ideas about how/ when a woman identifies as straight are greatly enriched. Now I know that when a woman says “I’m straight” this is what she might mean.
That is a body double for Lohan in the pool threesome scenes where the character’s breats show. Those moments are taken directly from the Grindhouse trailer.
phewww thanks, I was about to comment on how high she must’ve been to do a topless scene with danny trejo
As far as I can tell, straight women have always fantasized about relationships with lesbians that would be somehow “easier” than those they’ve had with men. Every strai I know has at least thought about it. To me, that article is the same tired old story.
What I can tell you for sure (and you all probs know already if you live in a city where this is possible) is that if you are at a bar, and you’re kinda cute & dyke-y, you will get hit on by straight college-age girls, and this has definitely increased. Like, by a lot. Or maybe I’ve gotten 200% hotter? It’s a possibility…
Nice reference to Howl at the end of the post. Also, the photo of Jiz Lee on the Sex Bloggers calendar is quite fantastic.
My number one feeling about this post is- where did that last screencap come from? I really need to know!
http://www.truthhallthemovie.com/
Biphobia, what does it really mean? Because I’m serious, it’s not just lesbians that don’t want to date bisexuals.
no but my feeling is that straight men are much more open to dating bisexuals than lesbians. Me, I used to be more open to dating bisexuals when I identified as bi than now (that I identify as a lesbian).
I guess biphobia is defined as an irrational fear of bisexuals but I think your point is that this fear is more rational than it sounds (particularly for lesbians), and I tend to agree.
That’s not what I meant. GAH I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time being clear. I meant that there are more forms of biphobia than just lesbians not wanting to date bisexuals.
Like…Straight-identified bisexuals not wanting to identify as bisexual.
There’s a double standard applied. I.E. when men who have sex with men refuse to identify as gay, they’re called homophobic as opposed to biphobic. I mean, why is that? Biphobia also the fear of oneself being bisexual.
I don’t think the issue is that you’re not being clear. It’s that most people don’t agree with you.
If Joe Fred wants to go out and boink guys every night but still IDs himself as straight – he’s straight. If my girlfriend takes me on vacations and calls me every night and makes plans for our future but still IDs as straight – she’s straight. I don’t know that there is a such thing as “straight-identified bisexuals” because if someone IDs as straight, they’re straight.
ok, but then for the sake of clarity, if you ask your girlfriend “what does the word straight mean to you” what will she answer? Just to make sure that we use the same words with similar meanings. Because to me what you say sounds like someone going to church every Sunday but still claiming to be an atheist. That’s ok, it can happen, but then the next thing I’d want to know is, WTF are you doing in church every Sunday if you’re an atheist, then. Just because I’m curious and I like to know things.
Most people don’t think the words straight, gay and bisexual don’t have any inherent meaning? Wow, the gay rights movement has gone to the shitter. We’re all straight now.
I have no objections to curious straight women who want to try out same-sex lovins as long as both parties are honest about their desires and expectations…
Expectation is so important, also honesty and knowing yourself. If you’re the kind of person who falls in love easily, stop. Do not pass go, turn the f around and go find someone who wants more than just playtime with your ladyparts.
It’s also the responsibility of the person who just wants to have sex to be upfront about that. In my experience, people aren’t upfront about it…not to vulnerable people who aren’t sure, and not even to people who make it clear that they’re looking for a relationship and not just casual sex.
I was always upfront about wanting a girlfriend and not just a sexual experience. And no one who just wanted a sexual experience was ever upfront about it to me.
I do feel like when I was an openly lesbian teenager, straight women were kinda predatorial. They never identified themselves as straight…but rather as having had some near girl-on-girl experience but had never really met a lesbian. That kinda thing. In retrospect it doesn’t seem like they were interested in exploring their own sexuality so much as seeing what they could get me to do. I don’t know if it’s just like, teenage lesbians are a curiosity or what.
I didn’t had sex with them, but that’s partly because I was aware that a lot of people really aren’t honest when it comes to sex. I went to a wonderful gay youth group and I think that helped me a lot in realizing that I didn’t have to try sex with various people in order to figure out my sexuality.
People asked me how I knew I was a lesbian if I was a virgin as if I had to have sex to prove it. It was really just a way to trying to manipulate me into having sex. Even guys would be like “how do you know if you’ve never had sex with a man” to try and get in my pants. (The answer is Terminator 2.)
“Lets all be honest about sexual transactions” sounds great in theory, but in practice that’s not usually how it goes down.
I’m a buzzkill. I know. I always come to this post with the intention of looking at pictures of queer women and reading about sex and then getting on with my monogamous relationship.
So, wait, uhhhh – what was this article about?
Oh, like, MORE straight chicks are into banging other chicks than there used to be?
OOOooorrr is it about how more chicks, period, are into banging other chicks than there used to be?
There’s a common cliche involving the words “shit,” “Sherlock,” and “no,” but I should probably be nicer than that – and I hypothetically aimed the sentence I didn’t type at the original Guardian article by Wiseman, not our fine blogger female here.
Ok, this was an article written for a primarily hetero readership so I spare this gal Wiseman from the “NSS” commentary. I will say that after reading it myself, I can’t help but feel a little bit like it was a cross between a snippet of Nat Geo Explorer: Lesbians in the Wild, and some sort of Ladies’ Home Journal tidbit. “Hey ladies, if you’re feeling overworked, unloved, and underappreciate, well golly gosh gee, we’ve got just the solution for you!.”
Female homosex is portrayed as the latest greatest thing to pep up your step so you’re practically skipping between the goddamn stalls at the local farm market and weaving floor rugs out of old plastic grocery bags.
Maybe I’m just projecting there, though.
oh shit…this^.i lol’d, and i agree. really though…this^.
“There’s a common cliche involving the words “shit,” “Sherlock,” and “no,” “
Dead.
and dying even further at: “Female homosex is portrayed as the latest greatest thing to pep up your step so you’re practically skipping between the goddamn stalls at the local farm market and weaving floor rugs out of old plastic grocery bags.”
can this comment just win every award autostraddle offers? and possibly a gold star.
Labels are there for a reason. So you can make an informed choice. Though, labels can be misleading. I know a lot of women who identify as lesbians, but who still sleep with men. Good for them. But, when it comes time to sleep with a woman, who only sleeps with women, there had better be disclosure about who you have been sleeping with, and if safe sex was practiced.
Sounds like the people who don’t want to be labeled are afraid of giving up their straight street cred. I’m not saying you have to confine your Self in a little wordy box when it comes to your sexuality- I identify as an Alien-does that mean I’m an Alien? NOOOOOO. It means I’m someone who can’t come out to myself. Look it up in the Dictionary people. Hetero+opposite sex union Bi-Buffet sex- HOMO+ same sex. If we didn’t define things then how would we be able to communicate. What you’re really talkin about is freedom of choice to sleep with whoever you want. Who doesn’t want that- but if someone doesn’t WANT to sleep with you because of your choices, they aren’t labeling you, they are making their own choice. Make our own choices, pay our own price.
I think Tila Tequila was a factor in this! She’s a walking disaster waiting to happen, a has-been. She’s definitely shamed Asian people.
this seems to be the trend today, much much more straight women hooking up with lesbians. whatever happened to the straight women that use to go with straight men? i consider myself an average good looking straight man hoping to meet a good woman,and now i can understand why it is hard for me meeting them. i know other men like me that have the same problem as well.there are a lot of us good men out there that would treat women like gold. i was married twice,and at the time i was a very caring, and loving husband to the women that i was married too.they both cheated on me, not with women as far as i know. but who knows,especially today.they just wanted out of the marriage,and did not love me anymore.i was very committed to them at the time and never cheated on them at all.now being single again sucks for me, especially when your alone.