Quiz: Answer Upsetting Questions and I’ll Tell You What Movie To Watch and Where

Listen, isn’t life strange and unsettling these days? Don’t you come here to these personality quizzes for a distraction? Doesn’t it seem completely fine and normal that when I asked my coworkers to help brainstorm potential quiz topics, someone’s first idea was: What 2023 Shortage Are You? with results like “eggs” and “Adderall”? Yes, yes, and YES.

Here I have for you a quiz that, yes, is still ultimately an escape, but it is an uncomfortable escape. I might ask you to consider, for example, whether everyone you know is mad at you. Or to look at photos of sinkholes. We have fun.

Warning: The movie/place combinations are, with a few exceptions, slightly upsetting in and of themselves and yet also soothing if you really think about it, okay? Don’t come looking for self-care but something more akin to self-scare or self-beware.

Shoutout to Laneia, who came up with the original concept for this quiz and also supplied a few example questions and choices that I ended up incorporating in the final version. Teamwork makes the dreamwork here at Autostraddle, and we’re all doing just GREAT, why do you ask?

Your spouse is acting weird. What’s the first explanation you assume? (You do not have to actually be married to answer this question; we are just having some make-believe fun of the horror-adjacent variety!)(Required)

They probably just ate something weird.

They’re leaving you.

They had a hard day.

They’re mad at you.

They’ve been replaced by an imposter.

They’ve under the influence of a spell.

They’re not who they say they are.

They’re cheating.

You enter a movie theater. What’s upsetting you about it?(Required)

It’s too empty.

It’s too full.

Your friends are late.

Too many couples.

It isn’t playing the movie you wanted to see.

You don’t have enough money to buy a pretzel.

You forgot your loyalty cup.

Ex is here.

What’s under your bed?(Required)

What wakes you up at 2 a.m.?(Required)

“Did I forget to lock the door?”

“Did I forget to turn off the oven?”

“What was that sound?”

You have to pee.

Your bedmate kicked you.

A nightmare about high school.

A nightmare about your partner.

“I have to wake up in three hours.”

Why are you panicked about misplacing your handwritten grocery list somewhere inside the grocery store itself?(Required)

List is just “whiskey, soy sauce, two bananas.”

List was written on a credit card statement.

List had a game of MASH on it that resulted in you ending up with your ex.

You’ll never be able to remember if you needed milk or not.

List never existed in the first place.

List was written on your child’s permission slip for a field trip.

List was on your phone so actually your phone is missing.

List was on a receipt for a return you need to make at Target.

Is everyone mad at you?(Required)

Yes.

Maybe?!

Definitely.

I hope not!

Can’t decide.

Don’t want to know.

Yes, and they should be.

Hopefully.

Choose a sink:(Required)

Choose a sinkhole:(Required)

Why are the vibes at this party off?(Required)

Too many strangers.

Not enough space.

Too loud.

Too quiet.

Too boring.

Bad music.

Too many exes present.

The vibes at all parties are off.

Who is the worst dinner guest to imagine?(Required)

Any family member.

Any dinner guest.

A former friend.

Your coworker.

Your ex.

Your sibling.

Your neighbor.

Your partner’s ex.

You can only have one piece of art in your home for the rest of your life, and it has to be one of the images below. Choose:(Required)

What did you accidentally leave in a cab/Uber/Lyft/etc?(Required)

Phone.

Wallet.

Keys.

Entire bag.

Laptop.

Diary.

Money.

Soup you were saving for later.

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