Which Creepy ’90s Toy Are You Haunted By?

Ever since M3GAN trailers started hitting the internet late last year, I couldn’t WAIT to see it. A sentient American Girl Doll dressed like Blair Waldorf, loaded with TikTok dances, and about to unleash an unhinged and murderous rage? It’s like that movie was made in a lab for me — at least, for me at 14 years old.

M3GAN got me thinking about the many creepy and animatronic toys of my childhood, when I would’ve absolutely KILLED for an American Girl doll that spoke. Limits of ‘90s tech meant that when these toys “talked,” they used cassette tapes, and when the batteries started to die, things got scary pretty fast. So! What not-quite-sentient and very creepy toy of the ‘90s is going to haunt YOUR dreams tonight?

You’re a kid again. It’s the mid-nineties, and the internet and smartphones are just a whisper of a dream. Before you go to bed, you can choose one classic picture book to read. Which do you choose?(Required)

Corduroy

Harold and the Purple Crayon

Where the Wild Things Are

The Snowy Day

Are You My Mother?

The Very Hungry Caterpillar

Caps for Sale

Madeline

In the morning, you pack your backpack for school, making sure to include your:(Required)

Favorite Magic Treehouse chapter book

Multicolor retractable ballpoint pen

Polished rocks (for Show and Tell)

Food-shaped erasers

Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper

Binder full of pogs

Tickle-Me Elmo

Polly Pocket clamshell dreamhouse

Choose a pattern:(Required)

After school, your friend’s mom takes you to the roller rink, where you play skeeball for tickets. What do you want to get with your tickets when you have enough?(Required)

A plastic compass

A comically large pencil

A slinky

A yo-yo

A slap bracelet

A mood ring

An off-brand Beanie Baby

A troll doll

All that skeeball was exhausting! Time to go home and watch some tv before dinner. What do you hope is on?(Required)

Wishbone

The Magic School Bus

Pokémon

Sister, Sister

An infomercial for the Topsy Tail

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

Animaniacs

Where in the World is Carmen SanDiego

Choose a sticker set:(Required)

You’re laying out your outfit for tomorrow. You can’t forget your:(Required)

Slap bracelet

Overalls

Cookie Monster pajama pants

Stonewash denim

Scrunchies

Flannel shirt for around your waist

Bucket hat

Windbreaker

Uh-oh, you watched a family movie that was supposedly kid-friendly and now you’re too scared to sleep. What was so scary?(Required)

The PPE suits in ‘E.T.’

The divorce in ‘Mrs. Doubtfire’

The dog next door in ‘The Sandlot’

The government in ‘The Iron Giant’

The kidnapping in ‘Hook’

The mother’s death in ‘Fly Away Home’

The furnace in ‘Home Alone’

The environmental implications of ‘FernGully: The Last Rainforest’

Choose a fake Babysitters Club / Goosebumps crossover novel to read under the covers with a flashlight:(Required)

Kristy and the Haunted Mask

Abby and the Haunted School

Stacey and the Mummy’s Tomb

Mallory and the Ghost Next Door

Dawn’s Day at Horrorland

Mary Ann and the Ghost in the Mirror

Jessi and the Phantom of the Auditorium

Claudia and the Ghost Beach

You must have finally drifted off to sleep, because now you’re waking up — here in 2023, in your grown-up bed, with all the horrors and delights of the internet lying just next to you in the phone on the nightstand. What’s the first thing you google, before your weird dreams wear all the way off?(Required)

“Berenstain Bears Mandela effect”

“Wikipedia M3GAN”

“What year did Gremlins come out”

“Chucky Jennifer Tilly Tiktok”

“Jojo Siwa breakup”

“ET why Reese’s Pieces”

“Muppets Sesame Street same thing?”

“Fairy flies into fireplace youtube”

What do you miss most about the 90s?(Required)

Not worrying about global warming

Having the time and attention span to read actual books

Being genuinely amazed by toys like my Tamagotchi