Hello and welcome to your recap of Batwoman episode 306 aka The One Where the Writing Team Had Zero Regard for Our Feelings or Heart Rates. I think I’m going to start referring to these as “levels” instead of episodes, because I swear, every single person involved with this show, from the cast to the crew, levels up every damn week.
We open on a girls pickup basketball game in the park, and I’m immediately reminded how much I miss playing. Unexpected feelings punch for the win! One of the girls runs to get their errant ball, but is distracted by strange goo seeping out of a barn. She clearly has never seen an episode of Wynonna Earp (all seasons currently streaming on Netflix *thumbs up*), because she walks directly into the barn and said goo, and discovers a man trapped in honey and screaming for help. Now, I only have one complaint in this whole episode and it’s right here at the top. Homegirl stepped into an unknown substance with fresh kicks are you kidding?!?!?! I’m pretty sure I heard my entire sneaker collection scream in that moment.
“You’re screaming inside and frozen in time”
GCPD arrives and removes the victim from his sticky prison, as Montoya (hey girl!) storms in and claims the scene as her own. She immediately instructs them to take the vic to Mary before warning them they’re going to need all hands on deck for this one.
“It was a few years later, I showed up here, And they still tell the legend of how you disappeared.”
At Montoya’s City Hall office, the detective briefs Alice and a flannel-clad Ryan on the situation, and lays out her theory that whoever did this probably weaponized the natural surroundings. Hmm, weaponizing nature, you say? Sounds like a Poison Pam M.O. to me! Sounds that way to Alice too, because she’s doing a less than great job of hiding her “I know something you don’t know” face from Ryan. The two expertly trade barbs (you see what I mean about leveling up?!) before Alice leaves to check on Mary and the vic.
“Plaid shirt days…”
Down in the Batcave, Ryan sees that the artist formerly known as “Crowphie” has made herself quite at home with some takeout wontons and a front row seat to Gotham’s CCTV footage (Sophie’s Version). Sophie’s been trying to track down Black Glove on her own, because if Ryan had any information on Jada’s involvement, surely she would have told her instead of hiding it. Ryan’s pause before telling Sophie that she doesn’t believe Jada to be a monster, broke my heart a little; her internal struggle is all over her face.
“I’m feeling like I don’t know you”
Neither budge on their feelings about Jada though, with Sophie reminding Ryan that her sister suffered at the hands of Ryan’s mother. And Ryan doesn’t deny Jada’s involvement, she just asks Sophie to trust her to share all of the information as soon as she can.
Understandably, Sophie is upset. She’s spent week after week watching Ryan tear herself up over getting this woman’s approval. She has reassured Ryan that it’s Jada’s loss if she decides to have nothing to do with her daughter. And now, Ryan is standing in front of her, seemingly taking Jada’s side over hers.
“I wish I could run to you, and I hope you know that every time I don’t, I almost do.”
Trust is one of the most vulnerable and scary parts of any relationship, and these two are still trying to figure it out. This conflict makes so much sense for Wildmoore right now, and while I hate to watch moms fight, this is classic angst and my little shipper heart is thrilled.
At the clinic, Mary evaluates the victim while Alice has herself a little honey taste test. According to both Kehlani and Halsey, honey is queer so, infer what you will. This feels like a good time for our weekly, “RACHEL SKARSTEN, HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD?!” yell session, because my word, the comedic timing on this one is unmatched.
Alice accuses Mary of being responsible for this attack, but Mary turns around and accuses Alice of having delusions again and gaslighting Mary. What’s it called when you gaslight someone by accusing them of gaslighting you? Whatever, there is gas-ception happening here as Alice runs down all of Mary’s obviously plant-like symptoms. Alice doesn’t need to do much more convincing though, because as soon as the vic wakes up and sees Mary, he screams and identifies her as the one who attacked him.
“Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy”
Down in the Batcave, Mary calls a team meeting to come out as straight… and also as Poison Ivy. Only on this show does someone need to clarify (somewhat apologetically, I might add) that they’re not gay.
Instead of listening to their friend, Ryan and Luke find every excuse in the book to explain why Mary is always thirsty and has accumulated more plants than two queers moving in together. At least until Luke searches the vic’s phone and sees that his last three texts were, in fact, to Mary. Ryan gets a call from Montoya and decides to mute it, which definitely won’t come back to bite her. Alice calls them out on wanting to protect Mary at all costs, but being hella quick to send herself back to Arkham at a moment’s notice. Speaking of protecting Mary, she decides to handcuff herself to the desk until they can figure out how to help her.
“The idea you had of me, who is she?”
At City Hall, Sophie goes to see Montoya, and the tension between these two?! I wasn’t looking for it on first watch, but the scene at the end of the episode honestly feels like a natural conclusion after rewatching these two go at it. What’s their history?! Give us the Alice-narrated backstory!!
Sophie’s here to blackmail Renee for data on the freeze serum by threatening to walk away from Alice babysitting duty. No Alice means no Batman trophies. Montoya suggests just asking Batwoman for help, but Sophie informs her that they’re not exactly on the same page at the moment. Y’all, THE SIGNS WERE RIGHT THERE! These writers, they be crafty. Before Soph leaves, Renee warns her about getting involved with Black Glove.
“And I knew you’d come back to me”
Back in the Batcave, the team learns that Mary met the victim on a dating site called Twinge (lol), and he apparently hit her with the “you’re sweet” which is I guess the worst hetero compliment one could receive. In response to that rejection, Poison Mary decided play up the “sweet” theme and suffocate him with honey. Alice is impressed and also kind of aroused by this?? Look, every person on this show has chemistry with everyone else, so I did forget Mary and Alice were step-sisters when I screamed about Alice wanting to date Poison Ivy Mary. However, as a friend lovingly pointed out, they met late in life, plus Barry and Iris were practically raised together so I’m gonna go ahead and keep shipping this deliciously evil duo, whatever partnership they have.
I don’t have a Taylor lyric for this one, but it brings me such joy.
As Alice continues her onslaught of practically perfect one-liners, Luke pulls up literal receipts showing that Honey Man may not have been Poison Mary’s only victim. Dear sweet Mary is absolutely distraught over the idea that she may have hurt someone else.
Ryan and Alice arrive at the scene of Poison Mary’s potential second attack, and Ryan starts to blame Alice for not saying anything about Mary. But Alice reads Ryan for filth for not noticing that her own roommate has been acting off for ages. Sorry Ry Ry, I’m Team Alice on this one. The two find the Black Glove hat guy who kidnapped Jordan buried in the ground, another victim of Poison Mary’s wrath.
“Now I’m lying on (in) the cold hard ground.”
In the Batcave, the team works through how Mary managed to track down Black Glove when Sophie hasn’t been able to. Turns out, Poison Mary isn’t a big fan of medical ethics, and used Dr. Hamilton’s credentials to game the system. Alice is so proud that her “steppy” is one step closer to Harley Quinn level tactics. Honestly y’all, every time someone remembers that Harley is a genius with a literal PhD, an angel gets their wings (cut off, probably).
Alice suggests that someone tells Sophie that they have her sister’s kidnapper in custody, but Ryan, in full Protec Mode, refuses to involve her.
As Mary starts to figure out that the ivy pheromones allow her to communicate with nature and heighten what she’s passionate about (justice!), Alice suggests they find out what triggers Poison Mary. And then… Montoya shows up at Wayne Tower.
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I think I’d have gone with Mooretoya? Either way, Sophie making her way through all the eligible women of Gotham, living her best life, is what I’m here for.
Right after those last minutes of Sophie and Montoya, I began rubbing my hands together like that uncle getting ready to fix a plate at the cookout in full anticipation of this recap. Nic, you did not disappoint. I want Wildmoore to be endgame but girl, SoMo (too cheesy?) are fuego. Yeah…I see what I did there.
I too am going to LOVE watching Mary and Alice wreck shop and actually hate that we only get one episode of them doing the most before the long break.
“What’s it called when you gaslight someone by accusing them of gaslighting you?”
The CW? Sorry, I had to.
In all the best Batwoman S2 episodes, I would usually just summarize my reactions ala, “This. Show. Is. Nuts.”
Well, it took 4 Meh episodes and one (improving) So-so one, but NUTS have finally again been achieved!
Ryan, to Mary, enthused: “You’re Coming Out?!” Same gurl, same. Sigh.
Look, I’ve been upfront that WildMoore does not float my particular, subjective boat, so take this for what you will: this interruption (w/ conflict and Mooretoya) is the Best POSSIBLE Thing that could happen to this ship. From (JMO!!!!!) boring inevitability, to ACTUAL STAKES. Endgames, to be meaningful, HAVE TO OVERCOME. And ever since Sophie left the Crows, the overcoming part has been missing. Hello, lead ship actual stakes, how we’ve missed you.
Nicole Kang is TEARING IT UP as Poison Mary, and I. Am. Here. For. It! Good God, it took two and half seasons to see what a freaking GEM they have in N.K. [And—pardon my perversion—can we talk about girlfriend’s THIGHS for a moment??? 😵 Crush me, Mommi!] Poison Mary and “I want to date her” Alice TOGETHER??? We Are Not Worthy!
I’ve been moping re the end of Supergirl (and Supercorp) for over a week now, but—Halleloo!—this ep of Batwoman came along at PRECISELY the moment I needed it. See y’all next week for the Midseason Finale!
Forgot to comment on this gem
“Homegirl stepped into an unknown substance with fresh kicks are you kidding?!?!?! I’m pretty sure I heard my entire sneaker collection scream in that moment.”
I was saying the same thing under my breath as this was happening. One must even avoid low-lying fog in fresh kicks.
All of us. All of us felt it in our collective Black girl spirits.
My first thought of “her shoes tho” was immediately followed by “but what are you even doing, girl… investigating that kind of stuff is white people isht” lol.
I’m not even a sneakerhead and I was squirming at that first step.
I did scream when homegirl stepped in that goo with her fresh kicks. It doesn’t matter what is happening, you step around the goo especially in fresh Jordans.
I was excited when Sophie and Ryan had the fight in the Batcave. I was like one more step closer to a full blown relationship. But that second fight after the Black Glove off himself, I was like we need to pull back a bit. But who knew that fight would lead Sophie to Montoya’s lips.
I was literally on my feet when Sophie and Montoya were eyeing each other. I was like this is all Ryan’s fault lol
Love that Ryan was kind of disappointed that Mary wasn’t coming out as gay.
I died laughing when Mary said she was a threat to everyone and Alice in the background mouthing “Not me” and when Luke moved Alice’s head away from his. Rachel Skarsten was on it this episode.
I was already love the sister bonding between Mary and Alice and now both are on the run and super villains. I am here for it
I love Mary, but Poison Mary has my full attention. Damn girl
This season has been so good. Each episode keeps getting better and better.
If you’d told me before I watched this episode, that by the end I’d be desperately shipping NOT ONLY Alice and Poison Mary (🥵) BUT ALSO Mooretoya?????!!!! (Wildmoore is where it’s at, but I love adding ships to my collection)
Lesbian goddess above. There is simply no way Mary is straight, none. She is as bisexual a person as I’ve ever seen. And Alice openly thirsting for her evilness is… something. Whew!
The Mooretoya hook up threw me for a complete loop, but I very much enjoyed said loop. Please oh please let us have more details of their backstory. PLEASE. I NEED IT.
Watching the interactions between Montoya and Sophie, I was HOPING for a love triangle (I had been praying for some dyke drama this season!!) but I wasn’t sure if it was just everyone in this cast having great chemistry with each other.
If Sophie needs anyone else to push against the wall I’d like to formally submit my application.
I laughed out loud multiple times this episode. And fabulous poison Mary?!?
This might be my favorite episode of batwoman so far and the bar is high!
Also, some gorgeous shots! the upside down car approach, Ryan’s bat descent, and some great comedic framing of character moments. kudos to the director of this one.
I just found out that Alice was Tamsin on Lost Girl, which means double points and moving to the top of the leaderboard.
Sophie and Renee blew up everything, including the world.
The crew must’ve been on high alert for that makeout between Sophie and Renée, fire extinguishers at the ready. The hottest I’ve ever seen.
And Rachel Skarsten – mind blown.
I nominate the walls of Sophie’s apartment for best architecture in a supporting role this season.
This morning they released a promo image of Poison Mary on the Batwoman twitter. We finally have a redhead in the Arrowverse who is more than a sacrificial lamb or villain of the week. Praise Beebo!
I’m in so much love with BatWoman! Awesome Crew too!
Ultimately I ship Mary with happiness and love most of all, but I will treasure (and be a simp for) Poison Mary for as long as we have her. She didn’t have to make a Homer Simpson hedge parallel sexy but she did and I’m in awe.
I’m excited for Mooretoya in the sense that I both think all the best OTPs have to know each other through relationships with other people, and that Sophie and Renee have the potential to achieve the time-honored lesbian tradition of becoming really good friends with someone they used to sleep with.
It’s not like either of them won’t notice the loud, unyielding pining for another woman, but I think that it’ll be sort of freeing for them both to have this specific sort of comfort and to offer it in return until they get their shit together with the women they love. And then they can start a flag football team or something.
I was almost scared to watch this episode because I couldn’t see how it could live up to the last one. And damn. Every second (aside from the shoe atrocity) was freaking amazing. From the girls playing pick up to Alice’s everything to Ryan and Luke finally confronting how shitty they’ve been to Sophie and Montoya. Perfection.
I hope Alice continues to bring up how quick they’ve been to lock her in Arkham, especially since it seems like that might be where marquis should be (or at least a very nice and very secure therapeutic setting, I guess).