Welcome to my FIRST FRIDAY OPEN THREAD! I’m pumped to be here! I’m less pumped about the long list of embarrassing things that have happened to me (with me? On me?) in the past year! I work in the service industry, and if you do as well then you know that interacting directly with people will up the chances of something awkward or embarrassing happen, just for the sole reason that you’re talking to people for 6-8 hours a day. It’s science.
When I was serving, I once asked a table of grown men if they’d “like a cup of milk.” If this doesn’t seem embarrassing to you, imagine being a grown adult at a bar and your server asking you this question. It was…awkward for everyone. Another time I was serving a group of folks and one of them came up behind me and I – having partial self-diagnosed facial blindness – said “Oh hey!” And they said “Hi!” AND ME, WITH MY GIANT EGO, ASSUMED IT WAS SOMEONE WHO HAD ONCE MET ME BUT I HAD FORGOTTEN. So we went back and forth literally just saying hello until I HUGGED THEM and said it was good to see her. She laughed nervously and stuttered, “I just came to ask for a re-fill of Pepsi!”
Every year I embarrass myself in new and surprising ways.
Once my diva cup fell outta my bag and rolled down the aisle on a bus full of people. Once I full-on sneezed on a stranger. Once I cried watching an old man selling Beanie Babies at a mall. Once I entered an unlocked car full of people thinking it was my car. THE LIST GOES ON.
So tell me, am I alone in this? Is everyone else just cool calm and collected all the time? Having perfectly normal conversations without little bits of spit accidentally flying out of their mouths that both members try to ignore? Flirting with a hunk without spilling their beer on themselves? Never – NOT ONCE – publicly crying at the gay bar? You’ve never gotten an order wrong for a table THREE TIMES IN A ROW? Are you somehow keeping your personal drama at home within the safe confines of privacy or have you had partners bring A LOT of people into an argument in some terrible loud public display? Am I a magnet for these sort of things or (please for the love of gawd) is it everybody?
I want to hear about an embarrassing moment in public you’ve had! And then I want to hear how you SURVIVED it! Does it still haunt you to this day? Do you still go down a panic spiral at night when you think about it? Or are you like me – Life’s a joke! You’re hilarious! Why be anxious when you could be self-deprecating! Who gives a shit when embarrassing things happen because you know you’re just going to keep topping yourself with worse and more intense embarrassing things until you die! And you’ll probably die in some embarrassing weird way anyway!
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