This post is by Mika and Heather.
Everyone has their own holiday traditions; part of the joy of being queer is creating your own. For instance, just spitballing, what if your holiday tradition was handsome butches getting dressed up to make and enjoy festive cocktails? WHAT IF.
This year we have made this dream a reality with resident soft butch dreamboat bartender Heather Hogan making you three signature holiday cocktails while outfitted in a butch bartender look styled by Mika — who also has three smokin’ outfits for you, too. Pick out your look and make a cocktail to enjoy it in; if you want to play fuck/marry/flirt with the three butch archetypes in the comments, no one can stop you.
Casual Butch Would Love to Carry Those Gifts Babe
2 oz. Four Roses Small Batch bourbon
1/3 oz. Fresh lemon juice
1/3 oz. St. Germain liqueur
1/3 oz. Zirbenz Stone Pine liqueur
1/3 oz. Simple syrup
2 dashes Angostura bitters
Sage leaves
Muddle the sage leaves and the lemon juice in a cocktail shaker. Add the other ingredients and some ice. Shake it ’till the cocktail shaker is almost too cold for you to hold. Strain and garnish with a sage leaf.
Heather: This is a dapper lumberjack cocktail. The tender butch drinking this will get up, slip out while the party guests are chatting away all warm and content, shovel the snow, and slip back in without anyone noticing they’ve been gone. Sweet, classy, functional.
Mika: This look SCREAMS quiet farmer minus the toxic hetero hyper masc bullshit. This is for the butch who wants to be comfy while also looking nice, the tough cookie that’s warm and mushy on the inside. Let your inner Jughead season one out with this trucker jacket and pair it with a soft warm knit so people know you have an emotional range. Next, add some black chinos or ripped jeans to bring that bad boy youth element in, so people know they can make out with you in your childhood bedroom. Finally, finish this look with some lace boots that say, “Hey I know I could get some Chelseas and make this easier for both of us… but I like to take my time.”
Fancy Butch Kills It at Your Company Holiday Party, Duh
1/ Coat 2 / Turtleneck 3 / Boots 4 / Pants
1 oz. gin
1 oz. Campari
1 oz. sweet red vermouth
Orange slices / cranberries / rosemary sprigs
Chill your glass and then add some ice. Pour in the gin, Campari, and vermouth. Gently stir the ingredients, then garnish with any combination of orange slices (or peel), cranberries, and rosemary sprigs.
Heather: This is a Mommi Christmas twist on a Negroni. The absolute go-to cocktail for the characters in The Holiday, Family Stone, and Love Actually. Elegant, festive, sharp.
Mika: For this fit let’s be real: you wanna be the Idris Elba, Jude Law, Resident Posh Spice of your family. This look is for the butch that takes more than 45 minutes with their hair. This is for butch Victoria Beckham; you have at least two sinks in your bathroom. You want to look like you’re an art director at Vogue, like you own a vacation island somewhere, like you have a fucking fireplace in your bedroom. This is the energy we are trying to go for here. Earth tones and plaid are very much in this season, so you gotta wear some plaid trousers. Pair these with a turtleneck to reaaaally get that early 2000 holiday rom-com feeling. Tuck it in or wear it partially tucked in, at least. This is zaddy/mommi look. You gotta wear some leather, suede is for the YOUTH, so pair it with these chelsea boots from Aldo OR whatever brogue or oxford you have around. Finally, LONG OVERCOAT. Jackets were left behind during your high school years behind the bleachers.
Cozy Butch Made Canned Homemade Apple Butter for Your Mom
1 small slice butter
1 teaspoon brown sugar
1 dash ground cinnamon
1 dash ground nutmeg
1 dash ground allspice
1 splash vanilla extract
2 ounces dark (not spiced) rum
5 ounces boiling water
Bring your water, butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, and vanilla to a boil over medium heat, whisking it from time to time. Go slow, it should take you five to ten minutes to get it boiling. Remove it from the heat as soon as it starts to bubble. Stir in your rum. Garnish with a cinnamon stick.
Heather: You know in Christmas movies when people wear matching pajamas (tops and bottoms!) and a cozy Christmas-colored robe and soft, jubilant slippers? That feeling of being ultra cozy but not effortlessly so. A take-home basket of artisanal products in the guest bathroom and extra extra smooshy towels. That’s the person this cocktail is for. Intricate, toasty, lush.
Mika: Joke’s on you if you thought you couldn’t pull off some sort of sweatpant for the holidays! This butch knows comfort comes over EVERYTHING. A Taurus most likely will wear this. This fit is for a butch that’s serving some Ellen Page on her way to destroy some Republican. KStew on her way to coffee. You are ready to go off on your family members during dinner and might as well be as comfy as possible for dessert later. You’re trying to channel this bear but like in a cooler way. Again, turtlenecks, I know. If that’s not your cut, get some thick knit since these are very in right now. An ugly sweater (that isn’t super ugly, please) can also work. Pair this with some jogger or fake pants and some cute socks and you’re good to go. Wear this look with some white clean cut sneakers so you don’t look like you are in pajamas (literally) and a matching beanie that compliments the color palette.
the 2018 holigays are saving my life and this piece is fucking perfect.
Stop stealing my heart.
BUTCHMASSSSS
… Just Dreamy. SIGH!
this article is a personal attack
okay but yall gotta play fuck/marry/flirt or it doesnt count
1. i’ve been waiting to say “yes virginia there is a butchmas” since this post was conceived
2. fuck casual butch, marry comfy butch, flirt fancy butch. discuss
Rachel I applaud your selections
interesting
HARD AGREE, RACHEL. HARD AGREE. (Casual butch is a fuckboi and fancy butch thinks “sapiosexual” is a thing.)
These are perfect looks. Marry Fancy Butch OBVIOUSLY (the correct pairing for any self-described Mommi), fuck Casual, flirt with Cozy.
Marry casual butch (they had me at “slip out of the party to quietly shovel snow”). In my fantasy life I’d fuck fancy butch, but in my actual real life the cozy butch is much more up my alley.
I can’t turn any of them away! I just can’t!
Every part of this speaks to me on a DEEPLY PERSONAL LEVEL, BRAVO.
Also I’m hanging with two of my closest friends for a night in tonight and literally nothing sounds better than making that buttered rum (other than having a matching pyjama set and fancy robe to sip it in.)
Thoughts:
1) It’s time for a new turtleneck this year!!
2) plaid pants! Joggers! All the pants!
3) Flirt/fuck everyone. Marry KStew.
Ok. I have just followed some links and that was not the kinda bear I was expecting, but I am NOT disappointed
But is the cosy butch just the casual butch with extra layers?
Either way, flirt with fancy, fuck cosy (how fun to peel all those extra layers off!), and marry casual.
NO ONE WARNED ME THIS POST WAS PUBLISHING TODAY
This is everything I have ever wanted.
Fuck Casual, marry Cozy, flirt with Fancy.
But where is Heather’s waist coat from??
This article warmed my heart after some u sensitive writer on another site pointed out that there are only 2 more episodes of this season of Doctor Who left anf I was NOT ready for that information.
I would marry fancy butch because I am in a place right now where I only want a fireplace in my bedroom, a big bathtub and space for 3 dogs.
Rachel those are 100% all of the things I want in a home, lol
I’m always saying “I don’t want an expensive house, I just want a giant tub, a fireplace, and somewhere to let the dogs out”
This article left me very flustered, but in a good way.
First, spend a long, snowy weekend in a cabin with the trio.
Then of course flirt with fancy / fuck cosy / marry casual.
Heather I love your pic!
This is heart-warming and inspirational; well done, team.
TIL I will be referring to myself as a cozy butch now ty. ❤️
I have GOT to get some boots one of these days. And more jackets. I am here studiously taking notes.
Anyway, fuck cozy butch, marry casual butch, flirt fancy butch.
I feel SO SEEN by casual butch and cozy butch, and as someone who has been struggling to find their soft butch style I feel like? you just found it for me? Like, I never need to submit to Find Your Fit now because you just Found My Fit without trying. I have a lot of different aesthetics that I bring out from time to time, but this is where I live. Also Mika’s cardigan is *chef’s kiss* and I need it.
…marry casual butch because SWOON, flirt with cozy butch by snuggling on the couch with an animal friend, get really nervous around fancy butch and probably do that thing where you get so flustered that you don’t hear what they said so you just laugh and hope it wasn’t a question.
It’s from Banana Republic they should have it in stock please buy and send selfies with it so we can be twins!!!!!
As a Taurus I feel so called out right now. Can’t believe I am currently wearing the last look.
Thank YOU for validating my Taurus call out I was waiting for it, patiently
A Butchmas Miracle
Merry Butchmas to all
Here for this ?
I think I’ve been evolving from a cozy butch into a casual butch lately…
This is just the most perfect thing.
As for fuck marry flirt, the answer is, of course, YES, in no particular order.
P.S. Heather _Heather_ ! OMG
I think I’m casual butch, and am considering the boots…
I have made all of my friends read this article at least once. It’s honestly my go-to read when I’m feeling down. The descriptions make me laugh every time and the looks & drinks are on-point. 100/10 content.