The kind of rings we wear and where we wear them can reveal a lot about our personalities. For example, the fact that I wear one on my left ring finger even though I’m not married but want people to think I am makes me both presumptuous and on edge as a person.
Straight white men’s rings in particular hold a special place in my heart. They’re rare enough that when I do come across one I take note of its owner. Here’s a helpful guide should you too come across one in the wild.
Thumb ring:
This guy considers himself a “bad boy” but literally zero other people consider him that. He also considers himself a “great cook” and again, literally zero other people consider him that.
Only the right ring finger:
This is a college southern frat boy. He’s distinguished now, just like daddy.
Turquoise ring, any sequence:
This guy wants to know if you’re really happy with your current relationship. Really, don’t be afraid to talk about it with him. He grew up with a mother and sisters, so he knows where you’re coming from.
Rings on the pointer, middle, and ring:
This guy is in a shitty americana band and it’s not quite taking off. Sorry about the hat, too, it looks terrible. (Married to the music.)
Rings on the middle, ring, and pinky:
This guy has a shitty mixtape that he’s given you two of and you’ll find them five years later in your car glued to the bottom of your center console by melted peppermints. (Married to the music.)
Rings on every finger:
This guy is a true wild card. He also “dabbles in magic.” He said that to you one time!
Rings on the pointer and ring finger:
This is I’m A Nice Guy guy and would you believe it, he’s not a nice guy.
Thumb and middle finger:
If you run into this you have just met Chad Michael Murray and it’s important you look away don’t ask me why!
Pinky ring:
Litters for sure.
Middle finger:
This guy’s name is Ben and he’s still doing the normcore thing.
