Feature image via takemetoyourbedroom.
Welcome to NSFW Sunday!
+ Rachel Hills’s The Sex Myth is a fascinating look at the culture around sex and all the ways we interact with it. In a discussion at the New Inquiry, Autumn Whitefield-Madrano writes:
“We’ve come to think of sex as more than something we do for recreation and procreation; western societies now frame sex as a statement about who we are. You’re not seen as complete unless you’re having sex, and plenty of it, and in just the right ways—for all the sexual permissiveness we’ve come to grant ourselves, there are still just as many ways to get sex wrong. The idea of the Sex Myth serves as a regulation of sorts, shaping not simply what we do in bed but our public and private identities.”
+ Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether someone has had an orgasm. You don’t have to be an asshole, though — instead, move the focus to pleasure instead of orgasm, actually focus on your partner, communicate, explore, take your time and more:
“Orgasms are fantastic, don’t get me wrong. But they’re not the only amazing thing about being intimate with someone. They’re also not a necessary ingredient for having a good time. There are plenty of people that don’t need to have an orgasm to feel fulfilled. When we put all of our focus on those 10-30 seconds of toe-curling orgasmic bliss, we miss out on so many other opportunities for connection, playfulness, and pleasure. If you can redirect some of your orgasmic attention towards making every other moment of your hookup pleasurable, not only will your partner be endlessly grateful, but they’ll actually be far more likely to orgasm. And you’ll enjoy yourself a hell of a lot more too.”
+ At Crave, Miss Rosen wrote about April Flores, Fat Girl and art.
+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen and Matthew Nolan reviewed two lubes.
+ Oysters, chocolate, honey and anything else you’ve been eating to feel turned on aren’t actually working.
+ Everyone would be a lot happier if we dropped all the weird things we believe about the way things might be and started looking at the way things are or how we want them, and you might as well start with these relationship myths, including that (presumably monogamous) people don’t flirt when they’re happy in a relationship, that telling the truth is always best, that a partner should be your best friend or that fighting is always bad:
“Fighting often isn’t the problem in relationships — it’s how you fight. John Gottman, a researcher who focuses on signs of divorce, found that couples’ stability is defined by the way they interact during a fight. Do the partners turn away and dismiss each other? Or do they turn towards each other and fight with kindness? ‘It’s not conflict that is generally the main marker of a good relationship, as much as the issue of repair,’ Perel says. ‘There are plenty of couples who are maybe quite volatile, but they know how to make up.’”
+ The first rule of having a threesome with your partner is knowing whether you want want to have a threesome with your partner. (Guides like this are always really couple-centric, so I will add that if you’re an individual looking to sleep with a couple you know, you get to set your own boundaries and have your own expectations and no one needs to be awkward at brunch.):
“[ex therapist Vanessa Marin’s] #1 Rule Of Threesomes: ‘You can never take a threesome back,’ Marin reminds us. ‘Once you’ve done it, it’s done.’ That sounds ominous, but by imagining your mental state both during and after the sex, you can gauge whether you’re ready for it. ‘Of course you can’t know exactly what will happen after your potential threesome, but it’s important to expect a mixed bag of reactions and be honest with yourself about whether you can handle all the possible outcomes,’ Marin adds.”
+ If you have a vulva/vagina, it’s okay if they look or smell like a vagina/vulva:
“Body odor smells like body odor. Morning breath smells like morning breath. That’s just the way it is. It may not always be pleasant, but it’s natural. Why then, do we expect vaginas to smell like something other than a vagina? […]
To combat these obstacles, many women turn to feminine hygiene products. Vaginal cleansing and odor eliminating products are all over pharmacy shelves. But here’s the thing about these products: they aren’t good for you.”
+ From The Autostraddle Lesbian Sex Archives: I’m Neither Butch Nor A Top
“I want to be pursued, wooed, hit on, propositioned, taken charge of. I want people to stop thinking that being a bottom is equivalent to being passive and disinclined to reciprocation of pleasure — that’s just insulting. I resent the internalized homophobia that doesn’t support boi-boi, stud-stud, GQ-GQ, or permutations along those lines.”
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