This morning we had this fantastic idea to rank every orange thing. We knew it’d keep our minds sharp while I avoided thinking about my life and we all went nuts with anticipation regarding the impending release of Orange is the New Black Season Two. Now it’s dark outside! Where does the time go?
Here are 100 Orange Things, ranked very loosely and often arbitrarily but usually very deliberately. We eagerly await your feedback in the comments.
100 Things That Are Orange, Ranked
100. Annoying Orange
“It’s the worst youtube thing to ever become an actual TV thing.”
– Laneia, Executive Editor
99. Garfield from the movies
“Garfield in the movies is the worst.”
–Â Forever Intern Grace
98. Burning Fires Of Hell
This is where gay people go when they die. Sorry IT’S TRUE.
97. Road Work Ahead Sign
This is your warning that in about three minutes, you’re gonna be miserable for the next three hours.
96. Terror Alert Level Orange
Seems serious.
95. Carrot Top
*Shrugs*
94. Super Plus Tampax Tampons
Sometimes it felt like you are ramming an entire roll of paper towels up there and the cardboard was so slippery and the packaging was so bulky and thank g-d for ob.
93. Bad Spray Tan Situations
This keeps coming up so I’m going with it.
92. Mario Batali’s crocs
Rachel says it’s his “thing.”
91. Orange Idle Notification in G-Chat
Red and green have definitions, orange could mean anything!
90. Florida In General
“Florida is a swamp, because of this it has quite a fertile landscape for the growth of oranges. People are really proud of Florida oranges and think they make Florida a special place. I used to have one in my backyard, but then it died after my mom died. This could have been a metaphorical thing, or it could have been because then nobody took care of the orange tree anymore. The license plate in Florida also prominently features an orange.”
–Â Chelsey, Editorial Assistant
89. Buffalo Wings
I just can’t with these.
88. Kosher For Passover Orange Slice Situations
If I wanted to eat something orange during passover, I’d eat one of those weird/DELICIOUS kosher marshmallows, you know?
87. Circus Peanuts
What is this fresh hell.
86. Hooters
Once upon a time I went to Hooters with my frat boy boyfriend on our way to the porn store and he told me I should work at Hooters and I said my boobs weren’t big enough and he said that I could always wear a padded push-up bra or else I could get implants if I wanted to. Like I didn’t have to, because I was already perfect obviously, but you know, if I wanted to. Reader: I didn’t want to.
85. My hair every time I try to dye it blonde myself
Me:Â “Janet, just tell me what you think, honestly.”
My Friend Janet: “Anyone who told you that your hair looks good is trying to sabotage your life. You look like — like — a shiny copper penny! But it’s not even like, even!”– 2006
84. Garfield in the comic strips
tbh I think he’s a little played out.
83. Cantaloupe
Sorry I know a lot of people claim to like this shit but it really annoys me when I get a fruit salad and it’s almost all melon.
82. Traffic Cones
YOU AREN’T THE BOSS OF ME, TRAFFIC CONES.
81. Cheetos
Cheetos are good because they are delicious, but they are also bad because they are filled with terrible chemicals that will eat your stomach lining from the inside and turn you into a goblin.
80. Orange Soda
“I don’t like soda, any soda, so I don’t like orange soda, but the overpowering and dangerous media messaging of Kenan & Kel convinced me for years that I was depriving myself of something really life-changing. I’m over it now it’s fine.”
–Â Rachel, Senior Editor
79. Hazmat Suits
This is what they wore to dig the dead body out of my apartment, I believe. (Don’t worry, it was like six years ago.)
78. Pennies
Did you know that in Canada pennies are illegal?
77. Vitamin C
Remember that song “Graduation (Friends Forever)”? Did you know that Vitamin C has her own Tommy Hilfiger lipstick color inspired by her signature orange hair? Honestly I’ll never know how you answered either of those questions, but I will forever wonder.
76. Life Vests
Life vests are great because they rescue you from drowning and give you something to lean on if you are hanging out in your canoe. They are also bulky and uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as being dead at the bottom of the ocean.
75. “the gigantic container of utz cheese balls that you can buy at costco”
74. Doritos
I wasn’t sure if Doritos would be considered good or bad, but Yvonne & Rachel both said they would be considered “good,” so this is where they ended up.
73. The Gates At Central Park
lol remember when this happened
72. A Clockwork Orange
This book is really brilliant and amazing and also SUPER f*cked up and disturbing. I read it like three times when I was fourteen, that’s why I’m so weird now.
71. Peanut Butter Crackers
Once upon a time, I ate these every day. It was a really special time for my overall health. #neverforget
70. Ernie
The thing about Ernie is that he is a child so Bert and Ernie can’t actually be gay lovers. I wrote about this once, back before I got into serious journalism like this list.
69. The Sacral Chakra
Laneia copy/pasted this to me:
Location: The center of the abdomen
Color: Orange
Parts of the body: Reproductive system, sexual organs, lumbar plexus
Endocrine gland: Gonads
Sense: Sense of taste, appetite
Consciousness: This chakra is associated with the parts of the consciousness concerned with food and sex. It is about the body’s communication to the Being inside, about what the body wants and needs, and what it finds pleasurable. The person’s ability to have children is also associated with this chakra. If there is not a clear relationship with the element of water, associated with this chakra, the person’s relationship with water is a reflection of their relationship with the parts of their consciousness associated with this chakra, i.e. food, sex, or having children. This chakra is also associated with the emotional body, and the person’s willingness to feel their emotions.
68. Orange & Black Muscle Cars
“Hey orange and black muscle cars are pure sex. You had sex right then just from thinking about them. OR MAYBE I JUST LIKE DYKES IN MUSCLE CARS AND BOLD COLOR CHOICES? Don’t worry about it. But seriously an orange 1967 Shelby Mustang is straight up sex, you guys.”
– Laneia, Executive Editor
67. Hayley Williams’ Hair
This person is in the band Paramore and her hair sure is orange!
66. Goldfish, the fish
65. Goldfish, the cracker
64. The Orange Properties in Monopoly
“The Mediterranean Avenue and Baltic Avenue are the least-landed-upon properties, while the orange properties (St. James Place, NY Avenue, and Tennessee Ave.) are the most, due to their proximity to Jail, making them the most lucrative monopoly in the game. Acquiring the orange monopoly gives you a very high probability of winning.”
– Wikihow
63. David the Gnome’s Fox
I think Rachel has a weird definition of “orange” but I’m gonna roll with it anyhow.
“David the Gnome was a show about tiny gnome people united with adorable woodland creatures against large, scary trolls. One of David’s key allies was a helpful fox named Swift, who carried David about on his back like a little king of the forest. If I were ever going to be carried on the back of a woodland creature, it would definitely be this fox. ”
–Â Rachel, Senior Editor
62. Home Depot
“Home depot, the great electric orange experiment in home-based self-determination, where the availability and helpfulness of the staff is inversely proportionate to the square footage of the store.”
–Marni, former Home Depot employee and A-Camp Co-Director
61. Kraft Macaroni & Cheese
Because sometimes you just have to be like, “f*ck it.”
60. Orange Bell Peppers
The dark horse of the bell pepper family.
59. This Cat Kate Used To Live With
“This is Orlando, who I lived with in Philadelphia. He is a special cat who may or may not also be a dinosaur of some sort, based on the noises and faces he liked to make.”
– Kate, Contributing Editor
58. Blogger
Without which none of us would be here today.
57. Butternut Squash Soup
There are actually SO many good orange soups out there that you should try, for example Carrot Ginger Soup and Pumpkin Soup! This is really just one of many, I want to be sure I get that message across.
56. Creamsicles
They’re so delicious!
55. Monarch Butterflies
They’re so pretty in the air and all over!
54. The Golden Gate Bridge
I thought the Golden Gate Bridge was red, but apparently it is painted “International Orange.” You learn something new every dang day!
53. Chicken Tikka Masala
I know it’s predictable but I think it’s predictable for a reason and that reason is; “it is good.”
52. Beeker the Muppet
Meep.
51. “Finding Nemo”
“I cried at Finding Nemo, and I’m only about 7% embarrassed to admit it, and my crying was only about 67% due to Ellen Degeneres’ portrayal of Dory. How much of my crying was due to Marlin’s being orange? That’s for me to know and you to find out by watching Finding Nemo again on your own and, let’s be honest, crying.”
– Rachel, Senior Editor
50. Persimmons
“Persimmons are a smallish fruit that you can cut into pieces and put in your mouth and you will be so happy you did!”
– Rachel, Senior Editor
