Hey Clone of the Cave Bears, welcome to the recap of the fifth episode! This is a halfway point of the season, and things are ramping up like whoa.
We open in Rachel’s apartment, where she and Dr. Leekie survey the bloody aftermath of Daniel’s murder.
The bad news is Daniel is dead. The good news is his blood adds a much needed contrast color to the apartment.
Joining them is Paul, who is back from Taiwan or something, I don’t know, I nod out whenever he’s on screen.
Even Paul wishes he could leave to make time for some Alison scenes.
While Leekie is fascinated by the twin sisters joining up, Rachel sneers and calls them animals. Leekie reminds Rachel that this is a result of her being so heavyhanded/psychotic and unreasonable with the clones, but she assures him that she’s only just begun treating her genetic identicals like criminals made of garbage.
I’m going to be as severe with Sarah as I am with my bob!
Sarah and Helena are crashing at Felix’s house, where Felix is not at all psyched about sharing his flat with a serial killer.
Do you want to build a snowman?
Out of severed heads?
When Helena hisses at Felix, Sarah tells her to knock it off. She explains to Helena that Felix is her brother, and she’s her sister, so Felix is one of the seestras, okay? Fair enough.
Seestra please
She also starts calling Helena Meathead, which is kind of adorable. I don’t know why, but I’m totally rooting for these two to be twin BFFs. Sarah asks Felix to take care of Helena while she Skypes with Kira.
Is this how Cosima and Delphine have sex?
Meanwhile, in Kira and Cal’s camper, we found out that Cal has a secret stash with fake I.D.s, a gun, and some cash. Is there any character on this show not wrapped up in larger conspiracy? I’m pretty sure Alison’s children are members of Mossad.
For real though, did you fart in the camper?
Back at Rachel’s apartment, she tells Paul that he’s going to be her new monitor now that Daniel’s dead. Even though she’s been self aware since she was a child, she’s still part of the program, which is sad.
I’ll be needing you to monitor me all night, every night.
I’m gonna monitor all over your face.
Get a room!
Leekie tells them that they have some promising results from some stem cell research, but Rachel demands that he shut it down. She plans on holding Cosima’s health hostage until Sarah turns herself in.
Speaking of Cosima, she is Skyping with her geek friend Scott about synthetic DNA copyrights and Dyad’s possible contract with the military.
I know all about military secrets, Scott, I’ve seen G.I. Jane, like, 100 times.
Scott is desperate to work with her, but the first rule of clone club is you have to be sexing at least one clone to have access. Sorry, Scott.
I was also really into Tasha’s storyline on The L Word, does that count?
Delphine shows the stem cell test results to Cosima; turns out they were meant for Leekie, but she got them instead. Cosima is pissed because Leekie promised to share all of the science with her, but excited at the possibility of curing herself because she’s running out of handkerchiefs.
I love you, but literally everything I own is bloodstained.
Sarah skypes with Kira while at a bar/concert venue, and a waitress accidently tells Kira that the Shit Goblins are playing tonight. Sarah seems upset about Kira hearing curse words, but considering everything that kid has been through, cussing is the least of her problems.
You’re seeing Shit Goblins without me?!
Also, Kira is calling Cal “daddy” and she’s not a monkey anymore, she’s a leopard. Cal gets on the line and assures Sarah they are safe.
Felix drags an unwilling Helena to Art’s apartment and tells her to behave herself/not murder anyone. Helena is also wearing a fuzzy helmet, which is really adorable.
Hello. My name is Elder Helena. And I would like to share with you the most amazing book.
Art pats her down and handcuffs her to the table, while she makes pig noises at him. Felix wishes him luck and tells him to try to persuade her with food. These are the same instructions I give my sister when she dog-sits my dachshund.
Just realized he left Helena alone in his bathroom with all his expensive hair care products.
Meanwhile, over at the Prolethian Farm, Gracie won’t confess to trying to kill Helena. Bonnie and Hank discuss how she is clinging to the old ways, and they don’t like it.
Do you know what our favorite Go-Go’s song is?
As punishment, they’ve locked her in a room and sewn her lips together!
Our Lips Are Sealed? Yeah, I got that like, 11 hours ago.
Has Hank been taking parenting lessons from Madame LaLaurie from American Horror Story: Coven?! Looks like someone is getting a mouthful of shit for Christmas!
Rachel watches her childhood videos and surmises that Sarah is trying to learn about her. She tells Paul that even though he reports to Leekie, he works for her.
I’m not bossy, I’m the boss.
Rachel has known Dr. Leekie her entire life; he even took her in when her parents died. But now, as head of Dyad, she’s surpassed him. Paul gives her intel on Cal, namely that he has anti-corporate leanings and is most likely Kira’s dad.
This is interesting, but I’m dying to know how Alison is doing in rehab.
Rachel digs to see if Paul still has feelings for Sarah, but he assures her he’s on Team Dyad. She tells him he has to make tough choices, specifically with Daniel’s gun, which is tied to the murder of that cop.
Helena, that’s not Finding Nemo, you’ve just been staring at a fish tank for 45 minutes.
Art is trying to interrogate Helena, and it goes about how you’d expect. Helena is fascinated by his fish tank and refuses to answer any questions. Art wants the deets on Maggie Chen, and in an effort to capture Helena’s interest he starts making a grilled cheese sandwich.
Okay, you won’t talk to me, but maybe you’ll talk to Officer Tillamook…
Smart move, Art. I’d sell all my secrets for a grilled cheese sammie.
Meanwhile, Belt Buckle brings Gracie a glass of milk and a straw, which is thoughtful. He tells Gracie to confess and get forgiven, because he wants to make out with her.
Milk was a bad choice.
He kisses her on the cheek and leaves, without making a single Billy Butcherson reference.
GROSS GROSS GROSS
Helena makes herself a snack with sardines, mustard, and egg shells. Girl has obviously never had a grilled cheese sandwich.
Helena doing her best impression of a garbage disposal.
She tells Art that the nuns who raised her called her a monster and would lock her in the cellar. So she blinded them with her bare hands, LIKE YOU DO. She also mentions the Swan Man and says he played God.
Do you have any stories that don’t end with gratuitous violence?
I mean… they’re not good stories, but… no, no I don’t
Swan Man as in Leda and the Swan? Maybe. Art wants Helena to take him to Maggie’s locker, but Helena is more interested in scarfing down his white powdered donuts.
Felix is getting ready for a hot date: clean sheets, multiple clothing options, plenty of booze. He opens the door and we see it’s Cute Coroner Colin!
Hey boy hey
They kiss, dance, and are generally adorable together. Colin whips out the lube when the door slides open and they are busted by the cops. Boner Kill.
This is exactly what it looks like.
No touching!
Paul walks in and Felix tells him to leave his seestra alone. Paul puts on black leather gloves and pulls Daniel’s gun on Felix. He then forces Felix to put his fingerprints on the murder weapon, effectively trapping him.
Yeah, I’m ruining everyone’s day today.
Paul then calls Sarah on the clone phone, and tells her that Felix will be going to prison unless Sarah turns herself in to Rachel. Sarah calls Paul a clone whore and hangs up on him.
How many Grindr profiles does one guy need?
Sarah tells Art what happened and heads to his place. Unfortunately, Art turned his back on Helena for two seconds and she used a sardine lid to pick the lock on her handcuffs.
Don’t worry, she’s handcuffed, and she’ll NEVER find the exit.
Helena is basically Houdini with a bad dye job.
I can’t believe you picked the lock with a sardine!
Back at the Prolethian Farm, Hank cuts open Gracie’s lips and she confesses and begs for forgiveness.
Hank does his best Grumpy Cat impression
Her parents tell her that she better help them get Helena back, or she’s gonna be the one carrying the child! Then her mother rips out her stitches and it is SO upsetting.
Any more shenanigans from you, young lady, and it’ll be nothing but lemonade and salt and vinegar chips!
Delphine and Cosima sneak into Dr. Leekie’s office to steal his stem cells, and Cosima tells Delphine that she is going to ruin her career as a budding lesbian, which I don’t really understand because stealing stem cells has no effect on your sexuality (or does it?!). Dr. Leekie busts them and tells them the truth about Rachel shutting down his work.
Look, we’ve had sex on every surface in this entire building.
Even on my desk?!
At least 4 or 7 times
Dr. Leekie then tells them the big Dyad secret about the original genome. During the lab fire that killed Rachel’s parents, the original genome was destroyed. Basically, the entire clone experiment is an orphan (black) because they lost all their history.
So we’re orphans…but none of us are black? I’m confused.
Cosima says that without the original genome, there is no way to figure out all the synthetic sequencing, and they are basically lost without a map. Leekie wants to know if Sarah uncovered anything, and as a gesture of good faith Leekie will ignore Rachel and start treating Cosima with the new stem cells.
Ain’t no party like a stem cell party, cause a stem cell party will literally heal your life-threatening illness.
Cal and Kira are having dinner and Kira is drawing pictures of all the clones.
I would love to see Kira’s drawing of Alison falling off that stage.
A cop stops by the camper to question Cal, but before he can search the vehicle, Kira distracts him with some childhood adorableness and the cops leave. As always, Kira proves herself to be the most capable character in a crisis.
This is what happens when you let your children watch Doomsday Preppers.
Sarah arrives at Art’s place to find him handcuffed, and is like, “you had ONE job, Art!” Helena left them another fortune teller riddle machine, and they go after her.
Just pick a color and a number so we can crack this bitch!
Art and Sarah arrive at the storage locker and open it up. Sarah tells Helena that she better not be planning to attack them with an axe, but Helena is long gone on a stolen motorcycle.
Art and Sarah are psyched to have stumbled upon Helena’s vintage erotica collection.
The storage locker is filled with an assortment of creepy props: dismembered doll parts, photos of nuns with scratched out eyes, a dirty sleeping bag. There is also a recent picture of the Swan Man, aka Ethan Duncan, Rachel’s dad. He’s been alive this whole time!
Two old photos! Of course!
Also, there’s an empty sniper rifle box and a headless doll wearing a black shift dress, which means that Helena is off to assassinate Rachel.
This is no time to lose your head *jumps out of window after too many puns*
Meanwhile, Rachel is wearing some fancy lingerie and tells Paul to get them some wine. Helena spies on them from the building across the street and cuts the hair of Rachel’s doll head.
Maybe I’ll forget about Paul and make out with my own reflection
Oh doll head, you’re the only one that understands me.
While Helena sings to the doll head, Rachel starts playing out a domme scenario with Paul. Rachel being a hard top makes all the sense, doesn’t it? While she orders Paul around, Helena is setting up her rifle and preparing to take the shot.
I’m gonna fingerbang your mouth!
Is she fingerbanging that guy’s mouth? Nice!
Sarah and Art catch up to Helena and tell her to stop. Helena tells Sarah to check out the scene, but Sarah doesn’t care about Paul anymore, especially not now that Rachel is mounting him.
Well I hope she washed her hands!
Helena tells Sarah that Rachel is a problem she is fixing, but Sarah warns her that Rachel’s death means Felix will get convicted. Helena is like, “brother seestra?” which is pretty funny. Sarah steps in front of the rifle and begs Helena to stop.
Don’t shoot me, but those boots don’t go with those pants and I think you know that
Helena says she’s just using her, but Sarah confesses that she was heartbroken when she shot her. She couldn’t explain what she had lost, but Helena survived and now they’re seestras and that has to count for something, right? They both cry and walk out of the room arm in arm. Art must be so confused, you guys.
Hey seestra soul seestra soul seestra
Back at Dyad, Cosima is getting her first injection to see how she responds to the stem cells. Cosima tells Leekie that the clones have a proposition for him, and that proposition is beer.
Finally, my last Gardasil shot!
JK, you already have HPV!
Cut to a local bar, where Sarah meets up with Leekie. She tells him that Ethan Duncan aka Swan Man is still alive, and she wants Felix freed before she gives him any more information.
Please tell me you’re talking about a man-swan hybrid creature…
Leekie tells her that if she can find Duncan, he’ll deal with Rachel and get Cosima the treatment she needs. Sarah is taken aback, as she didn’t know that Cosima was sick. Leekie tells her she has three days to find him, and Sarah tells him that if anything goes wrong she’ll sic Helena on him.
And not only will Helena kill you, but she’ll make a creepy doll shrine of you first.
As soon as Sarah leaves, Paul shows up. Leekie tells him the results could be dangerous, and to report to him first instead of Rachel.
“Call Me Maybe” on the radio? That shit is my jam!
Sarah and Helena are in the car, and Sarah wants Helena to tell her how to find Duncan. Helena tells her they have to go to Cold River, a place of screams. Is that like a Six Flags?
No, I said place of ice creams.
See you next week, when we catch up with Alison, and Helena and Sarah go on the creepiest road trip ever!
Can we take a few more moments to truly appreciate how horrific the lips reveal was….. My housemate is a few episodes behind and I can’t process with her so I need some support from you guys. Like… seriously…. having American Horror Story flashbacks….
To think I started out thinking that cowboy hat was just minorly creepy and his female friend was oblivious.
Now I’m just:
Same boat. My girlfriend doesn’t have BBC America and is “too busy” to stream it in more nefarious (free) ways. I just want her to catch up so I can process what has happened. You know, because I’m a lesbian and it’s just what we do.
That was so creepy and terrible. I had to turn away from the screen every time she was on.
Heads up to AS admin, the meme in this comment is flagging as malware. It probably isn’t dangerous in itself but the site it was created on apparently has issues.
Gotta love that Rachel’s idea of foreplay is staring at herself in the mirror.
This recap was flawless.
I loved this episode.
• I loved Helena’s interaction with Felix and the whole brother seestra thing.
• As much as I wish there were more sexy times between Cosima and Delphine I also think it’s important to see this side of their relationship and all the character development so i won’t complain.
• Kira is doing the whole “I found a new adult that hasn’t let me down so I like this adult better” thing which is totally understandable for a kid + Cal is buying her socks and cool hats so if I was her I would like him better too.
• Also Kira is the smartest one and she’s like what 7?? she’s gonna end up saving everyone.
• I love love Helena in this new phase she’s such a cute fluffy ball of murder.
• The Prolethians = creepy
• I was so happy for Felix I mean how cute was he and Colin so cute. And then Paul had to walk in and ruin everything like he does.
• Was I the only one that was a little grossed out by Rachel and Paul getting it on, no? I mean I could tolerate and watch Sarah/Paul but for some reason I was just totally grossed out by Rachel/Paul.
• Also i don’t understand Paul’s story line.
• The last scene between Helena/Sarah gave me so much feels. Also Art’s face was just so funny he looked so confused by everything.
Well I can’t wait for the next episode and of course the next recap.
“A cute fluffy ball of murder.” That is so perfect.
You were grossed out because it wasn’t consensual. Paul was NOT into it. We could probably debate the subtleties of his actions, but to me, that scene was rape. Rachel is NOT just a “hard top”. She RAPED him. And I like Paul as little as anyone, but that was excruciatingly hard to watch. I really wanted Helena to shoot her.
And I agree, Allison, it was rape. It was a hard scene to watch.
Agreed
Yeah, pretty grossed out that the recap didn’t address it as rape when it was so uncomfortable and creepy.
It makes me sad that Kira is seven and has the most coping skills/mechanisms (some of those things that come in handy for her now are just going to hurt down the line), but she never ever seems happy. She’s just a sad kid. I always feel kind of heartbroken for her when she’s in a scene.
I was so happy for Felix and Colin too! But I knew something was going to happen – nobody is allowed to be THAT happy on Orphan Black.
I am generally confused by Paul (and what he’s doing). And Rachel. Especially Paul and Rachel.
Is it just me, or is Kira creepily intuitive (like, maybe even prescient) and way too knowledgeable for a 7-year-old? Something’s got to be up with that. And I don’t trust Cal.
Am I the only one who things the scene with Paul is actually sexual assault and not kink? :( I’m disappointed that this article didn’t take the time to address the lack of consent.
Yeah, that whole scenario left me with some serious ick feelings. I think the all-too-commonly accepted narrative is that guys (especially big beefy ones like Paul) can never be sexually victimized. That they’re always into what’s happening, even if there’s a power imbalance.
But Paul is, as far as we know, only working for Rachel/Dyad under threat of serious, life-ending blackmail. He even noted that he wasn’t exactly being given a choice when Rachel asked him to be her new monitor. And there certainly wasn’t any consent involved in the sex scene. I’m really hoping the show goes back to address that at some point, as it’s been pretty damn good about bucking old tropes before, even when it took several episodes to play out. Fingers crossed, but yeah, right now, icky.
It was seriously fucked up, I’ve been surprised at how many people (just in general, like clone club on tumblr, not specific to Autostraddle) have tried to downplay what Rachel did. To me, it was fairly clear that it was non-consensual and was rape.
I felt the same way – it seemed clear to me that Paul wasn’t in a position to say no to Rachel without facing serious consequences. He may not have resisted, but the sex wasn’t truly consensual. I was also surprised/disappointed that the recap didn’t discuss that aspect of the scene.
Chelsea, this recap was hilarious! The “hey seestra soul seestra” in particular had me cracking up!
However, I’m really disappointed (and from reading the rest of these comments, I don’t think I’m the only one) that you didn’t acknowledge that Rachel in fact sexually assaulted Paul. That wasn’t just some dom/sub action. I don’t think he was into it. Admittedly, it’s hard to tell because Dylan Bruce is a terrible actor, but from my point of view, I think he was coerced. He is being blackmailed by the Dyad, Rachel is his boss, he did not have the ability to consent. I found it odd that at Autostraddle, of all places, this aspect of the episode was completely glossed over. The AV Club recap gets it spot on:
“To be clear, Rachel coercing Paul into a sexual relationship he has absolutely no say in is assault—and she knows it. Rachel Duncan takes and abuses her power where she can get it. Yes, she’s attracted to Paul—we don’t need to see anything beyond her open-mouthed arousal to know that—but this is a defiant exercise of her own free will.”
Definitely not the only one. I commented on this upthread as well, but yeah. That was not just some fun dom/sub action – that was rape. Even if we accept that he was into it (which is admittedly hard to tell considering what a block of wood Dylan Bruce is) she still has power over him, she’s still blackmailing him, she’s still his boss, so he couldn’t really consent either way.
Yep. definitely not just kink.
The only thing that could have made that Rachel and Paul scene creepier is if she started humming blurred lines.
That whole scene made me uncomfortable because Rachel has power over him and they both know it. He’s clearly too afraid to tell any of them “no” so was he really consenting or was he making the best out of a situation he saw no way out of? I usually get snacks during his scenes so I don’t know much or care about him meaning that idk of he’s down with the get down but I didn’t like it.
Also, I’m sure Sarah in a way is starting to care about Helena but I can’t help but think she pulled that little speech out of her ass.
You know what I want? I want a podcast of these OB recaps, narrated by Erin Foley.
That’s what I want.
As always, captions are on point. I definitely read the Rachel/Paul scene has non-consensual/rape-y. Definitely very icky.
However, I’m glad that Rachel getting turned on by herself is canon, or is that just me?
Does anyone have favorite Orphan Black podcasts / fan videos / other things from the fandom they want to share? My favorite podcast is Tatiana Is Everyone and this fan video is the best. Also this Tatiana interview and this Evelyne thing. Love when the actors are just as endearing as their characters!
That interview with Tatiana was amazing.
Did anyone else thing that Rachel was going to rip out Paul’s molars?
I definitely thought she was looking for some kind of spy gear in his mouth/teeth. It was weird.
I thought she was going to channel a bit of Helena and rip out his tongue!
So this typo has been here for 2 days and I had no idea. That’s awesome, or should I say awesom?
I watched this episode with my sister, who has never seen a single episode. She kept asking me what was so funny during the Helena scenes. Ah, so much to learn.
“Do you want to build a snowman?” DEAD.
Gahhh sorry for posting the same thing like five different times – I’ve been trying to delete my earlier half-formed comments, and it’s not working.
NOTHING about the Rachel/Paul scene seemed consensual to me. It was horrifying.
This recap was great and made me chuckle to myself on the subway so that was fun.
– I love that Felix is “brother seestra”
– Tatiana Maslany has had sex with (guy who plays) Paul as 3 different clones now and it looked different every time! Aka she is a goddess.
– Kira “I’m not a monkey anymore” </3
– Ok, holy shit, did Hank & co. sew up Gracie's lips?? I thought she did it herself, as an act of defiance, asserting that she won't confess bc she didn't do anything wrong. Requesting opinions/insight!
Orphan Black – where every episode feels like a season finale.
Also, Kira kinda scares me a little with her “somebody’s coming” line said in a relaxed, matter-of-fact tone, but at the same time I adore her, I think she’s beautiful and cute and smart.
And I feel terrible for Fee! About everything! Yes plus that shattered sexy time with his “hot date”
Aaand no Alison this episode?? Booo LOL
Chelsea, your recaps are awesome! The captions, man, goldmine!
#cloneclubbers
Echoing those who commented earlier. The way this post dealt with Rachel’s assault of Paul (not acknowledging it) is pretty disappointing.
As others have pointed out, the captions on this article were amazing, esp Officer Tillamook lol.
I feel like this episode was more sexually explicit than any of the others in the show and this season in general is much more violent/bloody/creepy/sexual/etc. than the previous one. I’m interested to see how this season wraps up.
Okay, this has been bugging me forever but why is everyone spelling it as “seestra”? Helena pronounces it as “sestra” which is actually the word for sister in Russian. Spelling it with ee is inaccurate and further butchers Helena’s (not perfect) Slavic accent in written form.
Please tell me that we’ll be getting recaps for remaining episodes? My life is empty without my OB recaps ;-)