Nerdy Love Song: The Holigay Gift Guide

This is a gift guide based on DeAnne Smith‘s viral video, “Nerdy Love Song With Added Kitten Bonus.” If you haven’t seen that video yet, here it is.

You’re welcome.

For an added texture, scroll down while the song is playing!

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

Japanese Soroban Style Abacus, $14.99

And I won’t say that I love you or I heart you, but I will say less than 3, I less than 3 you.

Show Your Work Tee, $14.99

Your molecules must be moving really quickly, ’cause girl, you’re hot.

Caffeine Molecule Necklace, $84.99.

Are you igneous, metamorphic or sedimentary? All I know is, baby, you rock.

Agate Bookends, $65.99.

If god existed, I’d thank him for you but I’m rational and I read (a lot of) Sam Harris.

Letter to a Christian Nation by Sam Harris. $11.38.

You’re beautiful like the font of Garamond but I wanna see you sans serif.

Garamond Tee, $25.

(take your pants off)

Dinosaur Underwear Three Pack, $32.

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

Round Up Your Thoughts Calculator Notebook, $14.99.

I observe your quarks oscillating, and I’m formulating a g-string theory.

The Little Book of String Theory by Steven S. Gubser, $18.29.

I’m an archaeologist and I’m gonna compute your age, yeah, I wanna absolutely date you.

Pergamon Board Game, $54.99.

You make me feel like a male giraffe. I wanna nudge your rump, make you urinate, and mate you (that’s what they do).

Giraffe Kigurumi, $39.

The value of my love for you cannot be expressed exactly. It’s more irrational than pi.

Achatz Pie Handmade Pie Company’s Signature Michigan 4-Berry Pie, $39. Or you can set up a Pie of the Month Club with My Sugar Pie.

Hey “Fuck” is a legitimate word in Scrabble, just FYI.

Make this thing with your hands! Thank you Hansen!

 KITTEN BREAK!

Donate to the ASPCA in honor of your special someone.

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

Cute and Astute Necklace, $99.99.

You can suck me into the supermassive black hole at the center of your galaxy (I’m talking vagina).

Glow In the Dark Galaxy Boy Shorts, $23.99.

I may not be the biggest or strongest but my knowledge of grammar shines –

Grammatically Correct Dessert Plates (set of 4), $49.99.

I know how to use the words further and farther correctly every freaking time.

I Judge You When You Use Poor Grammar by Sharon Eliza Nichols, $9.99.

Farther indicates physical distance –

1825 World Map Print, $194.

– and further a depth or degree.

Digital Protractor, $19.99.

Example: the moon is getting farther from the earth about 4 centimeters annually (true fact).

Holy Crap You Guys It’s a Rock From The Moon! $24.99 – $169.99

Example: you just keep getting further into my heart –

Make this thing with your hands! Thanks again, Hansen!

Wait: you just keep getting farther into my heart –

Customized Long Distance Relationship Pillow, $50.

No, wait: you just keep getting further into my heart –

Pixel Heart Heat Changing Mug, $11.99.

Hang on: you just keep getting farther into my heart –

Coeur Values Tray, $21.99.

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

Equation Watch, $29.99.

If the situation is ambiguous further and farther can be used interchangeably (that’s a rule! I knew that all along).

Painless Grammar, $11.33.

I wanna be your abacus, baby. You can count on me.

Math Equation Bow Tie, $13.99.

And I won’t say that I love you or I heart you but I will say I less than 3 you.

Robot Less Than Three You Card, $4.00.

(please take off your pants)

Adventure Time Boy Shorts (set of 3), $17.99.

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