High Femme: Today Is The Day We Learn To Make Tampon Pipes

Chelsea
Nov 19, 2013
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feature image via Shutterstock

Calling all Homoganjas! Let’s talk about anything and everything marijuana related, from legalization to pop culture to how to make your own bong using a box of Diva cups and a broken lamp. Whether you’re a newbie who doesn’t know a blunt from a joint, or you’re planning your gay dream wedding to Mary Jane, this column is for you. Puff, Puff, Pass.

Header by Rory Midhani

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Homoganjas, I’ve been wanting to dive into the world of DIY pipes and bongs for a while now. But it’s intimidating! There seems be an endless list of things that people can convert into smoking devices. Apples, soda bottles, Pringles cans, Grandma. I honestly didn’t know where to start.

Another obstacle is the fact that I’m not the craftiest girl to begin with. I mean, who wants to learn how to make pipes from a girl who regularly embroiders her own clothes into her designs? I have problems, y’all. So I figured, why not make this a series within a series? So welcome to the first installment of:

There’s A Pipe For That!

Every month/when I remember, I’ll be creating some smoke devices based on different themes. You can even take these themes and apply them to themed smoke hangouts and parties! This is just another step in my master plan to create IRL queer smoke circles all across the world. So grab your toolkit/your kit and caboodle/a box of canoodles and let’s make some shit!

Our first theme is: “Crimson Cloud: Smoking While Menstruating!”

Today we’re gonna make two different kinds of pipes for that time of the month! Marijuana is a great way to alleviate any symptoms, from abdominal cramps to uncontrollable rage. Our first project is a genius combination of candy and weed:

The Starburst Pipe

So you’ve got a serious case of sweet tooth but you still wanna get high? Get ready to fall in love with the Starburst pipe! This device is fruity and hilarious, just like you.

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1) All you’ll need a pack of Starburst and a type of skewer.

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2) Unwrap the pieces and stack them together. Press down so they stick.

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3) Take a wooden or metal skewer (or a similar sized tool) and create a lengthwise hole 2/3 of the way through the candy stack.

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4) Make rounded hole on the side of the candy stack. This will be your bowl.

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5) That’s it! Pack your bowl and you’re ready to go. You can also add a hole on the other side if you want a carb. And the best part: you can eat it when you are done! Although I would advise using a mesh screen or rinsing out the residue before eating, but you do you.

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The TampPipe

Sometimes, all you have in your pocket is a dime bag and a tampon. This pipe is for you. This will also be part of a larger series wherein I turn feminine hygiene products into smoking devices. Stay tuned for my Summer’s Eve Douche Gravity Bong, where I use a coconut Luna bar as a filter.

1) All you need for this pipe is an old school cardboard tampon, a tiny piece of tinfoil, and a needle. Simple enough, right? Well, I went to two different drug stores and could not find a tampon with a cardboard applicator! Everyone’s all about the Pearl now, I guess, which is great for vaginas but so much for this girl.

Luckily, I found a plastic applicator that looks like the cardboard one.

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2) Press the plunger and remove the cotton tampon. If I were really crafty, I’d say glue some googly eyes on the tampon and make a ghost, but it’s November and ain’t nobody got time for that.

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3) Remove the base of the applicator and you should be left with what looks like a cardboard flower.

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4) Wrap the flower in tinfoil and poke a small hole in the foil. You just made your bowl!

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5) Look that one-hitter up and smoke away! Enjoy the only time on Earth when it’s acceptable to say the following phrase:

“Hey girl, wanna share a tampon?”

You know what? Maybe don’t use that phrase. Ever.

So what about you, homoganjas? Got any favorite homemade pipes? Any themes you’d like to see celebrated in smoke art form? Share below!

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Chelsea

Chelsea Steiner was born and raised in New Orleans, which explains her affinity for cheesy grits and Britney Spears. She currently resides in sunny Los Angeles, where she works as a screenwriter/blogger/sex educator. She’s the writer/director of Thank You Come Again, a queer sex positive web series based on her experiences working the Pleasure Chest, which you can follow on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. She’s obsessed with dachshunds, Buffy, 90’s dance parties, and roller derby. She loves the word “Jewess” and wishes more people used it to describe her. Follow her ramblings on Twitter and her cute puppy pics on Instagram.

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