Welcome to NSFW Queer and Sexy Sunday!
+ Premarital sex is good for everyone. (Especially if you live in a country where gay people can’t get married.) At the Guardian, Jill Fillpovic argues that not only is the abstinence industry silly, it’s also harmful:
“Purity peddlers construct a false universe where there are pure virgins who wait until marriage, and then there are slutty whores who are going home with different men every night of the week. The truth is that most adults will have a great many important relationships in their lives – some of those relationships will be romantic, and some of those will be sexual. That’s a good thing: our relationships with other people, sexual or not, are how we grow, evolve and learn about ourselves. They’re how we figure out what love is, what we like physically and emotionally, and how to negotiate our own needs with someone else’s. Despite the claims of the wait-till-marriage camp, waiting to have sex won’t protect you from heartache, frustration or love lost. But a variety of fulfilling relationships, sexual and not, will make you a more well-rounded, compassionate and self-assured person.”
+ It’s time to be terrified of drug-resistant gonorrhoea.
+ Sex Geek on 50 Shades of Gray in Crazy and Criminal: On Those Damn Books, And Why They Matter:
“Perverts sometimes have an odd attachment to some elusive idea of authenticity, as though we’re all supposed to be able either to track our kinks back to early childhood—the deeply flawed “I was born this way” idea—as though there were a genetic sequence to explain leather fetishism or a love of bondage—or to have come across a credible, acceptable, cool-enough trigger, such as reading the gritty queer pervert porn of Patrick Califia or being discovered in a San Franciscso back alley by a True Master who saw our potential and took us under his leathery wing. But I know plenty of proud, aware, competent, trustworthy BDSM players who started in each of the “uncool” ways I mentioned first, and there’s not a damn thing wrong with that.”
+ At Buzzfeed, Rachel Rabbit White chronicles a queer issue of “Love in the Time of GChat”:
“Raquelle and Jordin met four months ago at a gay pride meeting at their college in Kingston, Jamaica. Raquelle immediately noticed Jordin, who wore loose guy’s clothing and had a certain sparkle about her. Raquelle liked what Jordin said about gender expression: ‘She said she isn’t as butch as she presents herself necessarily, and regardless of her clothes she is still a girl. And she wants to be treated like one.’ So Raquelle went home and found Jordin on Tumblr through some mutual friends. She ‘liked’ a bunch of her posts and soon they started chatting online.”
+ And at Vice, Rachel Rabbit White writes about edgeplay:
“While the mainstream BDSM community has always drawn lines over what is and is not OK (drinking blood, for instance, isn’t cool because of the potential to spread diseases), the definition of edge has changed over time. In the 80s and 90s things like scat play, age play, puppy play, and suspension were no-nos but they now occur semi frequently at kinky events. (Well, scat play is a little more rare because, ew.) Attitudes about what should be forbidden seems to have shifted thanks to people getting better educated. The internet spawned more discussions about sexual ethics, more how-to guides, and more adult sex ed in general. (Don’t you just love the kind of sex ed that results in more and better sex rather than paranoia about STDs?) All of this might have encouraged some of the edgier elements of the BDSM world to explore some dangerous-sounding fun.”
+ It’s a new season, so there are lots of studies about how people will have sex in it going around the Internet. In sum: people have lots of sex in fall, but most of it is unexciting:
“This is no doubt due in part because the night is longer (duh), but it’s also because the visual cues of the changing season imbue humans with a sense of seriousness, and the brisker weather increases our desire to ‘nest,’ which is Science for ‘shack up, eat chili and do It all the time.’ When we do, dopamine is produced in higher levels than any other season.”
+ Office sex: just don’t do it in front of the security cameras.
+ Nerve’s historical list of things people think will lead to sex includes Wonder Woman, feminism, Cyndi Lauper, sex bracelets, hugs, and California.
+ Sexis talks about what to do when it takes you hours to orgasm:
“The Steel Clitoris is a term used to describe an insensitive clitoris that’s difficult to reach orgasm with. It’s not a lot of fun to sit there and stimulate yourself for 20, 30, maybe even 60+ minutes just to get a less-than-great orgasm, or even get frustrated and quit before it even happens! So how do you deal with a stubborn clit that just won’t give you that incredible orgasm you’re striving for?
First, know your anatomy. The clitoris isn’t just the little nub under your hood, there’s “legs” to it that extend around your vaginal opening. Your clitoris preforms better when you stimulate more than just the head! Just like a penis, a clitoris has a glans or head where the majority of the nerves are centered, and they branch off from there. Focusing on just the head of a penis may cause an orgasm, but it’s easier to achieve and more pleasurable when you pay attention to the rest as well. Clits are the same. Try stimulating the outer areas of your vagina as well as the opening. Your clitoris will respond happily. Try alternating between rubbing the legs of your clitoris (around the outer area of your vagina) and the head instead of just focusing on the head.”
+ This gallery of illustrated vulvas by Betty Dodson is your weekly reminder that everyone should feel good about themselves. (We’ve also talked about vaginas and body positivity before.)
+ This list of 16 things we masturbated to before we know porn existed is missing “Mists of Avalon” and that series about prehistoric people who invent horseback riding and have a lot of sex, but is otherwise probably accurate.
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