Welcome to NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday!
No Fauxxx via courtneytrouble.tumblr.com
+ These terrible sex tips are for heterosexual men, but due to the fact that like heterosexual men, lesbians have sex with females, some of them are relevant to your interests as well!
+ A forthcoming books explores the question, “What would it have been like if Louisa May Alcott read 50 Shades of Grey and wrote about it?”
via www.silversleeves.com
+ Sometimes it’s just really nice to be dating yourself:
“A friend is playing violin at a pricey, catered beer fest at the botanical gardens. She sneaks me in. I casually jump in the line for my tasting mug and coupons. I spend the evening getting buzzed on fine beer and walking the beautiful gardens alongside the hundreds of couples that have come out. I eat the best baked good I have ever eaten. It’s German and flaky and filled with cream. I will kick myself forever for forgetting its name. Maybe it’s the beer or the pastry or the walkways lined with succulents, but that night I feel that I am not only on a date with myself, I am head over heels in love with me.”
via lasmujeresrealestienencurvas.tumblr.com
+ Couch surfing leads to life advice:
“Unless you’re Bridget Fonda in Singles, you usually don’t meet people without leaving the house. Even when I had a house, I sometimes met men on the street and the subway, because I’m a mix of adventurous and stupid, and I always think that some attractive stranger might have a good tale to tell. If it works out, it might make a good story for the grandkids. (In practice, dating people I’ve met randomly has rarely worked out for more than one date, but it’s an interesting experiment.) Take the same stance you might while traveling: have a destination, but be open to the whims of the moment. Be bold. Be kind. Make eye contact. Tell them you like their shoes. For some reason, that always works.”
via blackerotica.tumblr.com
+ People who like the taste of beer like sex more, regardless of all other factors, according to OKCupid:
“In one of his postings, titled ‘the best questions for a first date,’ Rudder analyzed millions of answers to the question ‘Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?’ The single best predictor of saying ‘yes’ was whether or not the person liked the taste of beer. And this question was a good predictor whether the respondent was a man or a woman, gay or straight. I suspect this link may have something to do with the links between sex, politics and recreational drug use.”
via lesoleilgypsy.tumblr.com
+ Anais Nin, writing to her lover:
“The source of sexual power is curiosity, passion. You are watching its little flame die of asphyxiation. Sex does not thrive on monotony. Without feeling, inventions, moods, no surprises in bed. Sex must be mixed with tears, laughter, words, promises, scenes, jealousy, envy, all of the spices of fear, foreign travel, new faces, novels, stories, dreams, fantasies, music, dancing, opium, wine.”
via femmethings.tumblr.com
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Sometimes reading OKCupid’s blog boggles my mind. How do they come up with all of that?
I love the third and fourth photos. So, so beautiful and sexy.
I actually laughed out loud at one of the tips from the men’s magazines:
27. “81 percent of women do not want you to attempt anal sex without asking.”
–A unexpected loss for Team Surprise Anal.
*face palms* @ sex tips, wow just wow…. Talk about breeding assholes with those tips. What a sad state of affairs.
The one “tip” about licking her hand in public…
*shudders*
Seriously, if that doesn’t say creeper, I don’t know what does. Huge red flag there, actually, a lot of them are red flags to me.
Sex tip #31: “Pop your chap in a jar of Nutella, then present it to your lady. Be rewarded with a very enthusiastic blowjob.”
Why you gotta go and ruin a perfect jar of Nutella like that. Unforgivable…I just can’t…it…whaa…??!!
Penises…ruining everything I love since forever.
I think that would work for me. I love nutella.
LOL, no offense intended, but you’re a Nutella hoe.
I just… but… just… oh dear.
Too overwhelmed to even explain that I had just finished the sex tips article. But you probably already could tell that, because… because. Just.
Those “tips” are special brand of bad. Omg. And I love that second picture.
“seventy-three percent of women surveyed would enjoy being lightly spanked with a wad of hundred-dollar bills.”
Just.. what?
Would we receive said wad of hundred dollar bills after? Hell, I’d be down for that.
I’m pretty sure that one was sarcasm.
Those sex tips were hilarious! “Facial intercourse”?! Did they HAVE to call it that? Augh!!
One of my friends cuts out all of the really awful sex tips and tapes them to a wall so he can tell his brother NOT to do…whatever it is that he shouldn’t be doing to his girlfriends.
Off topic, but I’ve always thought that following “Why Don’t We Do It In The Road” with “I Will”, is one of the great pieces of musical humor of all time.
Damn, pic number three is hypnotic.
two words: facial intercourse.
something tells me that those sex tip writers aren’t actually getting any.
wow, that article was really informative! i know its technically for guys, but next time i’m with a girl, i’m totally trying the ones like licking her palm! never thought to try that.
now if only i was old enough to buy peppermint schnapps.
At least they don’t card for Nutella.
I am sort of relieved the writer acknowledges this is insane at least:
25. “Rope-a-dope: this is named after Muhammad Ali’s strategy for toppling George Foreman. Ali stood there for seven rounds before springing to life and sending the tired Foreman to the mat. When it comes to cunnilingus, be like Ali… Hit her with a series of fast vertical and diagonal tongue strokes on her clitoris. Then… Return to slow, easy strokes… Repeat until she’s out cold.”
I’d just like to point out that in this scenario — where you’re Ali — her vagina is George Foreman. I’d avoid that comparison, whether you mean the boxer or the sandwich press.
The whole thing is a snarkastic commentary on a collection of ‘sex tips’ that the author found in Men’s Health. Which is odd, because I thought Men’s Health had a mostly gay readership.
I know this says “not safe for work” but I decided to be daring and open it. Then the mail carrier was standing behind me watching me watch some boobs.
Oops.
I am officially pissed, and grossed out. Damn, men. Total yuk.