Obviously A knows that I’m applying to med school right now because this entire episode took place in a hospital. Alternatively, A may have just heard about the Institute of Medicine recent recommendations for women’s health. Whatever. A Just really cares about healthcare reform okay? Hard to say.
We start this week as we do every week, with a poorly lit scene and creepy music. Normally this is where I would complain that I couldn’t see anything and it was too scary, but then for a hot minute I thought I was a better sleuth than the liars.
Hannah totally wore that shirt last episode I would recognize it anywhere because it’s the one she was wearing when she sincerely asked
But then I was like, “wait, wasn’t Emily also wearing that outfit last episode?”
Oh. This is the same night. And I felt really dumb. Sorry guys, I’ve been a bit sick so I’m not on my A game today (so to speak).
Moving on, Hanna woke up the next day to find Emily reminding us that if you don’t own this sweatshirt, you’re doing it wrong.
Mr. and Ms. Hanna’s parents make their way downstairs to where Ashley (Ms. Hanna’s mom) reminds us that no matter how cute you look in a fitted shirt dress, you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with your engaged ex-husband. Ashley, you are not Meryl Streep and this isn’t a 2009 movie that, somehow, everyone ended up watching with their friend’s mom.
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| $159-Nordstrom |
Apparently after witnessing all this parent awkwardness Hanna ran upstairs and threw on the first outfit she found. Which I guess was her NASCAR trophy girl costume with a little boy’s tuxedo jacket (both Bebe). Also Emily wore a leather jacket in this scene. Just sayin’.
There are actually times where a zipper up the front of a dress looks really cute. I suggest leaving the tuxedo jacket out of it.
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| $26.99-Macy’s | $39.99-Urban Oufitters | $80.99-Lord & Taylor |
In the halls, Spencer has ruined her streak of really cute dresses by wearing this bizarre pseudo-field hockey uniform. I get it– you play field hockey. You went to a PFLAG meeting and everything.
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| $139.99-Dear Creatures |
No lies, this dress sparked this conversation:
Lizz: Wait. I think that dress is Kimchi Blue.
Rachel: That’s impossible. I like Kimchi Blue.
Lizz: Nevermind, it’s just the boots. The boots are Kimchi Blue.
Rachel: Oh Phew. That was about to be a crisis.
So you can see how I feel about this dress.
On the other side of the school, Piper had to break up a really awkward fight between Aria’s brother and some letterman. Did anyone go to a high school where there were actually letterman jackets that people actually wore? Is this real? Also, does this seem like gay body language to anyone else or am I just imagining things because I spend all my time writing for autostraddle and watching True Blood?
Since obviously Piper can’t do anything about Mike, it’s a good thing her daughter isn’t off having Demi Moore/Patrick Swayze Ghost scene with a grown ass man.
Aria is losing interest and Ezra is getting jealous and clingy because that’s how student/teacher relationships end always. Always. Always.
Aria is wearing a pretty sweet stone necklace right now though. (Read this next line like Mugatu) Stone jewelry is so hot right now. Okay, so obviously most jewelry is stone. Big. Diamond. Stones. But right now I’m talking about shit that looks like rocks. Like, go out to your yard, grab a handful of rocks, and start hot gluing them to some earring studs. Or just buy one. I mean, whatever you want.
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| $125- Max&Chloe | $16-Nordstrom | $24-Fayanna |
BUT THEN OH MY GOD EMILY FELL TO THE GROUND AND GRABBED HER SIDE AND SCREAMED IN PAIN AND I WAS SO SCARED
And it was an ulcer? So maybe I just don’t know enough about ulcers, but my impression was that they feel like awful heartburn. Emily was acting like she was having kidney failure. What exactly happened here? They were like, “Oh, let’s have Emily’s injury be the only non-lethal, invisible internal organ related illness that we can reverse whenever we want and we can think of in the next thirty seconds.” I think that’s what it was. As a result Emily just wore a hospital gown the rest of the episode. Lame.
Did I mention Wren is back? Yup– back and telling Emily she tested positive for human growth hormone which I’m pretty sure you can only take by injection but whatev. Wren’s “glad to tell her as a friend.” When did they even meet? Mostly this scene was just really frustrating listening to Emily incriminate herself unnecessarily. I just really want Samara to show up with that ‘mo from the fashion episode to give me something to talk about.
Aria and Spencer make sure that everyone knows that this whole hospital thing is about them/Alison/A by dressing up as candy stripers and sneaking in to the morgue to read Alison’s file. Turns out Alison was dead. On the bright side, this is a great moment for Who Wore it Better?!?!
Aria’s mom has no idea where she is, again, because she’s still really worried about Mike. Look how lesbian his haircut is. To everyone who keeps asking the fashion formspring what haircut they should get that will look queer but not scare their mom: it’s this haircut. I would alternative lifestyle the hell out of that haircut.
Speaking of lesbian haircuts, Caleb is being followed so Hanna decides she needs to dress like Audrey Hepburn with a movie star scarf and sunglasses. I don’t even have a joke to make here. It’s all punch-line and no set up.
This scene really reminded me (and intern Grace) of Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. Probably because we were just talking about it.
While Spencer and Aria are finding out stuff about Alison’s death we already knew, Emily she decides to come clean about her fake scholarship to her dad (who is conveniently visiting for a few days).
Before she has the chance to, Emily’s dad acts, true to form, all supportive and awesome. Kind of like my parents who are probably reading this right now. Hi mom! So instead of coming clean, Emily just cries and stuff.
