8. Oscillating Fan For Your Home
They say the glass is either half empty or half full. In Oscillating Fan For Your Home, the glass is completely full of small ice cubes. This film features an oscillating fan blowing air near what sounds like an oceanfront window. It’s hard to tell since, glancing through the blinds, it just looks like a suburban backyard, but the seagull caws and periodic crashing of waves cue us as to what’s really going on. There are a few accoutrements of note in the frame: a pair of tortoise shell vintage sunglasses and a smalls tack of three primary colored books. Oscillating Fan For Your Home is a basic delight.
7. Fireplace For Your Home [Miniseries]
This rendition of the classic Fireplace For Your Home series is a little too New Wave for my tastes, so I unfortunately can’t rank it any higher than #7. The miniseries consists of three episodes, and of the three “Crackling Yule Log Fireplace” is sure to resonate the hardest with viewers. That’s not to say that “Crackling Fireplace with Music” is any lesser an accomplishment or an inadequate series finale, but it just doesn’t have the emotional impact of its predecessor.
6. Fireplace For Your Home: Birchwood Edition
Fireplace For Your Home: Birchwood Edition is mostly reductive fare, full of pastiche that is sure to please fans of the original, but unlikely to bring in any new admirers. The Birchwood is indeed a nice touch, but such a superficial tweak does little to hide the fact that this is purely a remake. With that said, Fireplace For Your Home: Birchwood Edition does prove it’s as innovative and fun as any sequel can be once it trudges into the second act. It doesn’t take itself too seriously and that’s its strong point.
5. Fireplace For Your Home: Classic Edition
Just when you think they couldn’t possibly churn out another one, Fireplace For Your Home: Classic Edition knocks on your door and says hello. Fireplace For Your Home: Classic Edition combines everything you love about the original miniseries and the Birchwood Edition feature-length sequel. You’ll want to see this one on the big screen so you can really immerse yourself in its atmospheric score.
4. Winter Wonderland For Your Home
I know my choice to rank the holiday classic Winter Wonderland For Your Home higher than Oscillating Fan For Your Home may surprise some, but bear with me. While Oscillating Fan is an undeniable classic, Winter Wonderland is like nothing you’ve ever seen before. The sheer number of locations is incredible, from icy babbling brooks to close-ups of icy babbling brooks, Winter Wonderland will take you places you’ve never even dreamed of – and you won’t want to come back.
3. Cascade Mountain Stream
If holiday films don’t appeal to you, you’ll want to dive into Cascade Mountain Stream. More of a Tarantino-style throwback to Oscillating Fan than anything else, it’ll definitely appeal to audiences unfamiliar with the former. There’s not a lot of depth to this bubblegum pop piece, but it stands out just enough to warrant your viewing. Make sure to note the gorgeous mise-en-scène: every frame plays around with the rule of thirds, pulling your eye to each and every moss-covered river rock.
2. Aquarium: Saltwater Reef
Move over, James Cameron – make room for Aquarium: Saltwater Reef. What exactly is it about this film that makes it so compelling? Is it the vexed flounder at 17:44? The rowdy clownfish at 38:08? The starfish in the bottom right corner that remains untouched from 16:00 to 30:00? The ever-changing landscape that suggests nothing in life is constant? Everything about this film suggests it’s an early frontrunner for the best-of lists that will clog our Twitter feeds at the end of the year.
1. Aquarium: Goldfish
So I’m a lover of sequels – sue me. When I first saw Aquarium: Saltwater Reef I didn’t think I’d ever see anything like it again. It was the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind for my generation. But then came along Aquarium: Goldfish, upending everything I knew to be true. At the risk of over-hyping, Goldfish is a magnum opus. There simply isn’t anything better this side of the next millennium. Upon completion, you’ll find yourself wondering aloud “Was I watching Goldfish? Or was Goldfish watching me?”
