1. I’ll never be good at oral sex.
2. Gaycation won’t get renewed for a third season.
3. All the lesbians in my town are friends and hang out together at lesbian bars and events that I don’t know exist.
4. I’ll always be terrified of approaching and talking to women.
5. It’s because of unchecked misogyny that I prefer being labelled ‘gay’ over ‘lesbian’.
6. I’ll never go to Dinah Shore.
7. My next workplace won’t be as gay-friendly as my current one.
8. I’ll never get over being stared at in the street when hand-in-hand with another woman.
9. There aren’t as many hairy, feminist lesbians as I was led to believe.
10. My mother will never cease to express her disappointment in having a daughter that is more like a son.
11. I’ll never feel properly represented in the LGBT community as a gay WOC.
12. Ellen Page will continue to date Emma Portner and post those fucking dancing videos on her Instagram.
13. I’ll never have a group of lesbian friends.
14. I’ll never have one lesbian friend.
15. I’ll always feel disconnected from my family on some level because they’re all straight.
16. No woman over 30 will want to date someone as inexperienced as me.
17. Missy Elliott will never come out and be the legendary butch icon we need.
18. The lesbian scene was way better in the 90’s.
19. Strap-ons and dildos will never feel good to me.
20. I’ll U-Haul into every relationship I’m in.
21. I’ll never find a woman with a sex drive as high as mine.
22. The Her app is really all there is.
23. My father will never really acknowledge my being gay.
24. I’ll never find a butch lesbian who doesn’t prefer femmes.
25. I’m too lazy for lesbian sex.
26. There’ll never be another black lesbian movie as good as Pariah.
27. There’ll never be another black lesbian movie.
28. Portia and Ellen will eventually break up.
29. I’ll never feel like a real lesbian because I came out at 26.