14 Things Tom Corbett Could Have Compared Same-Sex Marriage To Instead of Incest

Same-sex marriage: It’s like any other legally binding relationship between consenting adults, except people feel the need to make curious analogies about legalizing it. On Friday, Pennsylvania governor Tom Corbett joined the club when he apologized for an earlier comparison between same-sex marriage and child marriage by claiming “the appropriate analogy would have been brother and sister, don’t you think?” You don’t seem so certain, there, Tom. May I suggest one of these alternatives?

That'll be a man, two women, my dog, and that lamp post.

That’ll be a man, two women, my dog, and that lamp post.

14 Things Tom Corbett Could Have Compared Same-Sex Marriage To Instead of Incest

1. Incest AND polygamy

2. Legalizing slavery

3. Abolishing slavery (in the United Kingdom)

4. Abolishing slavery (in the United States)

5. “Murder, for example, or polygamy, or cruelty to animals”

6. Pedophilia and baby farming

7. Bestiality (sarcastically)

8. Bestiality (seriously)

9. Hitler and the Nazi Party

10. Beer, not water, and napkins, not paper towels

11. Paganism

12. Forced friendship

13. Communism

14. “Selfish hedonism”

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Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn lives in New York, which is the simplest answer you're going to get if you ask her where she's from. She went to journalism school and is arguably making the most of her degree as a writer and copy editor. She utilizes her monthly cable bill by watching more competitive cooking shows than should be allowed.

Kaitlyn has written 69 articles for us.

24 Comments

  1. I vote that we compare same sex marriage to ‘I can’t believe it’s not butter’.

    IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE BUTTER, IT MIGHT TASTE LIKE BUTTER BUT IT WILL NEVER BE BUTTER.

    Maybe someone can start the It Gets Butter Project.

  2. What about Your Mom? I mean, same-sex marriage is good, but it’ll just never be as good as your mom.

    Then again, I think most of the moms out there are probably pretty angry with me for my use of their names…

  3. Also, in the first one about incest AND polygamy, he says same-sex marriage would open up the path to bisexual marriage. Umm, what?

    • I have a friend that seriously thought lesbians were just two women who were really, really good friends.

      • GAYLE AND OPRAH!

        With friends like that who needs relationships!?!

        But seriously I had an acquaintance who thought that I was looking for a platonic life lady partner.

        No.

      • Honestly that’s how my first girlfriend and I justified everything that was going on between us (at first). Holding hands? Friends. Snuggling during movies? Friiiends. Butterflies in my stomach when I hear her voice? Friends friends friends. Sleeping together? Friends. Really, REALLY good friends.

        • The first “straight girl” I dated really loved to tell me she thought we should “just be friends” and she “really wanted to be my friend” about 15 seconds before kissing me. TBH I can’t remember a relationship that didn’t start by me deciding that someone was going to be my “friend” come hell or high water…

      • i have so many feelings about this. see: first relationship? “since it’s unclear, i think it’s best we decide we are really just friends” (and then we went back to being friends for a while, how was i ever so stupid.) come out to my mom? “i know you’re really good friends, and that means you can live in the same house next time, but you cannot be a couple”

        o k y’all

  5. Re: 10…if same sex marriage is beer and “traditional marriage” is water, we’re clearly coming out ahead here. Cheers, queers.

  6. All I think of reading this is, “I’m rubber and you Tom Corbett are glue*, every dumb shit you say bounces off me and sticks to you!”

    *The kind of glue that stinks and is a hot ass mess when you try to use it to “make a thing,” and you wonder, “why didn’t I use a hot glue gun!!?!”

    DIY Halloween costumes; so much fun, so much pain but glory will me mine!

  7. Tom Corbett’s approval rating is at a historically low 11% with almost no hope of him winning reelection. I’m convinced that he’s just given up and is just saying anything he wants.

  8. “forced friendship” do straight men just hate friendship? and even more do they hate having to be civil to other people? smh

  10. My first thought there was, it wouldn’t be anything like a marriage between a brother and a sister, because (presuming these siblings both identify with the gender they were born to), it would still be a heterosexual marriage.

    Apologies if my parenthesis is worded in a way that offends anyone.

Comments are closed.