Perhaps you, too, spent a day in the past week watching all of The Perfect Couple in one sitting without really knowing why you were watching all of The Perfect Couple in one sitting. As far as the television thriller subgenre of Rich White People Have Secrets, Do Murder go, there are a lot of stronger series out there. In fact, sometimes the writing on The Perfect Couple is so bad that it feels like it’s unintentionally parodying the subgenre? And then, plot twist, that’s when it gets good. The opening title sequence for the series has perplexed many, delighted others. I fall in the delighted camp. In fact, if the series had committed more strongly and more consistently to the tone of its opening sequence, I think The Perfect Couple could have been great! But the series is often very self-serious (I think largely in part due to the drag that is its main character, Amelia), and the group dance number just doesn’t quite square with the tone the series takes on elsewhere. But you know what? I love bizarre discordance. The opening also feels very Bollywood? Anyway, I decided to come up with 10 queer shows that would be absolutely bananas if they opened every episode with a group dance number. Plus, I picked the songs they should dance to.
The Haunting of Hill House
“Monster” by Lady Gaga
The twist is it also has to be one long shot, no cuts, just like the best episode of The Haunting of Hill House. So everyone has to nail the choreography.
Yellowjackets
“Die Young” by Ke$ha
JUST PICTURE IT! The older versions of the characters dancing with the younger versions…we need it.
A League of Their Own
“Peaches & Cream” by 112
You know, because peaches. Listen, sometimes the dialogue was a bit anachronistic, so why not have a wildly anachronistic pop number in the beginning? Also, imagine all the potential of BASEBALL BAT CHOREO!
Russian Doll
“Deja Vu” by Olivia Rodrigo
Obviously!
Elite
“She Wolf” by Shakira
At this point, Elite has gone so off the rails I don’t think it has the ability to shock me anymore. But this perhaps would shock (and delight) me.
The Morning Show
“Padam Padam” by Kylie Minogue
This song pairing either makes the least sense or the MOST sense of all the pairings on this list. I am cry-laughing while typing this and imagining Alex Levy dancing to “Padam Padam.”
Killing Eve
“Cool for the Summer” by Demi Lovato
Plot twist: Even dead characters are featured. So we get to see them during every episode opening even when they’re dead.
Station Eleven
“It’s The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” by R.E.M.
The idea of group choreography to this song is just as absurd as the idea of Station Eleven opening with a group dance number.
Apples Never Fall
“Apple” by Charli XCX
I did not like this show, but you know what would make me like it more? A group dance number at the beginning of every episode.
Dead Ringers
“Born This Way” by Lady Gaga
I am laughing thinking of Rachel Weisz having to double-up on filming the dance so she can do it as both characters. She would for sure hate the choreography by the end.
