Choosing a gift for your girlfriend is easy, but if you’re one of the many intrepid queers pursuing a polyamorous path, you might need to get a little something for your girlfriend’s other “little something.” Need a gift that says, “Don’t worry — I’m a great communicator and navigating non-monogamy in a culture that privileges monogamous partnerships is totally easy for me?” Never fear! You have plenty of options.
Some Air Plants ($11.95)
Show your girlfriend’s other squeeze that you trust their care-taking abilities by giving them a set of air plants. The next time you unexpectedly bump into each other at the only queer barber shop in town, you’ll get to chat about how the plants are doing instead of the usual, “So how’s your cat?”
A Pirate Costume For Their Cat ($10.99)
Maybe the gift tag says it’s “For Mr. Tickles,” but Mr. Tickles isn’t the one who’s invested in achieving cat fame on Instagram.
A Meditation Cushion ($22.99)
Encourage your boo’s boo to navigate polyamory with a clear and conscious mind by giving them a mediation cushion. Even if they only try meditating once for 30 seconds before spiraling into panic about whether or not they experience enough compassion, they’ll still have a place to rest their laptop while they watch Ellen Page movies in bed.
A Casual, Non-Sexual Fruit Basket (prices vary)
If you’re feeling fancy, you can order one of those Harry & David monstrosities, but a heartfelt, hand-picked basket of fruits and nuts and fancy snacks says, “Thinking of you and occasionally talking about you with my girlfriend in a positive, healthy way.” Steer clear of juicy fruits unless group sex is on the table.
Modern Tarot by Michelle Tea ($16.31)
Chances are, if your girlfriend’s other sweetheart is queer and/or exploring non-traditional relationship structures, they already own tarot cards. Help them bring their unconventional mindset to their tarot deck with a book that tackles tarot with a queer sensibility and Michelle Tea’s wicked humor.
A Fancy Nail Trimming Set ($15)
Honestly, this is mostly a gift for your girlfriend if you know what I mean.
An Oil Diffuser ($15.29)
Defuse any weird, competitive vibes with a puff of lavender and sage. Everyone needs a calm home environment for all those relationship check-ins.
The Audiobook Version Of Mating In Captivity by Esther Perel ($23.99)
Everyone’s favorite blazer-clad psychotherapist dishes out the hottest takes on relationship struggles. This audiobook is an ideal gift for any fan of Perel’s radical couples counseling podcast and wants to hear her sexy Belgian accent for eight hours and eight minutes straight.
A Fancy Water Bottle With A Crystal In It ($22.99)
Nothing says, “Please stay hydrated so we can clearly negotiate our boundaries” like a fancy schmancy water bottle with a crystal in it. Even if neither of you read Goop or believe in the whole crystal healing thing, a crystal water bottle looks lavish as hell. They’re “doing the work.” They’ve earned it.
An REI Gift Card (prices vary)
Acknowledge their adventurous spirit with a gift card for the gayest outdoor retailer around. Maybe they’ll get inspired to take an outdoor survival class or plan a poly partner camping trip or create a poly survival class for people on poly partner camping trips.
**Steer clear of juicy fruits unless group sex is on the table.**
As a non-poly person who’s a bit autistic I am so very very confused by this statement.
PS: it seems the link for the book is missing! I like it (for me) and I don’t want you guys to lose any commissions.
Wait is there some kind of non-monog fruit flagging system that I should be aware of?
🍇🍒🍓🍐🍑🍌🌶️
Clearly
Now you’ll have to teach me what they all mean
So we start with the common naval orange
*puts on very attentive student face*
Moving on, we come to the luscious kiwi
mmmm fuzzy…
Then, I don’t know, maybe a strawberry
I’m beginning to feel looking at this thread in the library may have been in error!!
No, the mistake would be CONTINUING to look at this thread in a library
I’m sure a quick peek will go unnoticed
If that’s a chilli pepper on the end, I don’t wanna play
Maybe it’s a.. very dehydrated apple? An extra-thirsty apple
A Snapple, perhaps.
not sexy boooo
There is now.
Taste the rainbow!
BRB, making this for my work holiday party.
imagine you buy a basket of juicy peaches and pineapples and strawberries for partner and metapartner. “got yall some nice fruit!” partner smiles and bites into a peach. everyone in the room stares, slack jawed as this being, who everyone here loves and wants to sleep with, enjoys the sweet flesh of the peach. juices drip down their chin. the sexual tension is building rapidly. EVERYONE wants to do something about this dripping juice mess in front of them. the kitchen table becomes increasingly quiet as everyone can hear their own hearts beating in their throats. the d e s i r e is palpable.
THIS is why you don’t buy juicey fruits unless you’re in for group sex.
This is better than 90% of adult fiction currently published, just saying
i literally cannot tell you how much that means to me <3
Well-summarised.
I attempted to think of non-juicy fruits, and honestly the only one that came to mind was a banana.
I’m wondering what kind of side-eye I’ll get for sending a basket filled with bananas
Juicy bananas, at that! Most people prefer them a little more… Firm. Juicy seems several steps behind ripe to me. Unless you’ve been exposed to a very different type of banana? 🍌
The feminine banana – a phallus for the rest of us
Market that, I’ll take my royalties in large bills and vegan sugar cookies
Best of all, if you’re interacting with your gf’s other partner to want to buy a gift for her: something you know she’ll like?
TG my gf’s gf is as much of a nerd as I am.
* if you’re interacting with your gf’s other partner ENOUGH…
These are well and truly awesome.
I wonder, when I get the swag, will the gf and the gf’s gf manifest ? I’ll make room under the tree just in case.