A few years ago, I had no idea what upfronts were. Now the days when they’re released are amongst my favorite of the year. I loooooove television. Love it. So there’s nothing that bums me out more than seeing a bunch of shows that have no appeal or look embarrassingly stupid. Then there are the shows that you’ve been looking forward to since you heard about the pilot however long ago. And then there are the shows that you know you will love and you know you will be one of the few and you will either suffer a blow six episodes in when the network unceremoniously cancels it or be on pins and needles for 3-6 seasons hoping and praying your show will live another day.
I’m in the key demo right now and I don’t wanna waste these precious years by not watching TV or not having strong opinions. I know upfronts are only a few minutes and I could be completely wrong and come around on a show later or hate something I expected to love. But I doubt it. Here are the shows I felt worth commenting on.
NBC
A to Z
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-FKlRDYy_7o
What a piece of shit. I am so bored and this is so straight and who will care about this show other than twelve year olds that probably shouldn’t be watching it. No thank you.
State of Affairs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlPJVmeA3t8
I’ve already dubbed this show White Scandal. Is this Katherine Heigl’s triumphant (??) return to television? I have no choice but watch a show with a black woman as president especially when it’s everyone black person’s fake grandmother, Alfre Woodard.
Constantine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPE2oBnzROY
It is my belief that Constantine will have learned from the Marvel Agents of Shield and American Horror Stories of the world to come up with something good. I love the idea of serialized semi-horror and comic book (“Hellblazer”) adaptions  are obviously extremely popular right now.
Bad Judge
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF3vxmJsDIk
I am so glad to see Kate Walsh in a comedy. I don’t know that people think of her as a funny person but I certainly do and have felt that she has so much more to offer the world than being a horny lady doctor or whatever her deal was on Grey’s/Private Practice.
Marry Me
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyIuHEfNmYM
The way some people feel about Community is how I felt about Happy Endings so when I found out David Caspe sold another show and that the star of said show would be Casey Wilson I was much excite. Then I found out Ken Marino from the (backhanded compliment genre of) cult comedy hit Party Down was in it and my hopes went through the roof. I doubt this show will be quite the delight Happy Endings was but we can pray.
ABC
How to Get Away with Murder
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dbSl-SPyHtg
Shonda Rhimes’ new show stars Viola Davis. What else is there to say. Shonda Rhimes owns a night of television. You’re going to watch this show at least once because you won’t have a choice.
Galavant
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hPNVhGbw_Sg
Man, what.
Black-ish
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNqqjDv6_dU
I am in. I am all in. I do not care about the think pieces to come. I do not care about the policing white people will do. I do not care about the microscope this show will be put under. Sign me the fuck up.
Cristela
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX1GBEJ-2aQ
I have zero confidence I will like this show but I am glad it exists because it means corny multicams aren’t just for white people anymore. If you like 2 Broke Girls then you will probably be into it.
Fresh Off the Boat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOutgc-GG6g
I am ready to love this show solely based on the woman that plays the mother (Constance Yu). I laughed out loud at her three times during this trailer so even if she is the only viable part of the show, it’ll probably be enough for me.
Selfie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5-9qDF36I4
Who let this happen.
Fox
Wayward Pines
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2z-b3Nw6Znw
Why are so many dope people in this show? Why do these people live in this creepy town? Why will I watch this show when I know the whole point is to drag out answering any of my questions for as long as possible? Is this the new Lost? (Will I ever watch Lost?) ((No.))
Gracepoint
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9IWvbbZPZc
Oof. For the most part I avoid shows focused on murder(s) because they are sad and slow moving but something about this one drew me in so if you’re going to go with one of the many many shows about bad things happening to people, try this one.
Hieroglyph
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC2Nn0lPmfc
Two women kiss so I thought it my duty to include this.
Mulaney
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3P19ICEYfI
John Mulaney is a goddamn joy and a genius and I will watch his multi-cam and I will try to like it even though the non-stand up part of this did nothing for me.
The Last Man on Earth
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K_xNvdptsXY
Well this seems aggressively self-indulgent.
